A Second Little Mishap
by Snapegirlkmf
Summary: Something went wrong with the aging potion Emma made, and now Rumple, Belle, Hook, and Regina are toddlers again. Get ready for more mischief, adventure, and laughs as the four kids give Emma and Bae a run for their money with sleepovers, hangovers, and a wizard duel with the bratty Blue Fairy! Sequel to A Little Mishap. Rumbelle, Swanfire AU!
1. Time and Time Again

**A Second Little Mishap**

**1**

**Time and Time Again**

**A/N: this is the sequel to A Little Mishap, because several people have asked me to write one. It will feature most of the major characters from Once as toddlers, and takes place right after the first story! Once again, a special thanks to my friend CJ for her help with ideas for this fic!**

_All's well that ends well,_ Emma Swan thought in relief as she drove home with her boyfriend, Neal Cassidy, after they had dropped off everyone at their respective homes—Hook at the harbor, so he could go on his ship, Mr. Gold and Belle at Gold's salmon pink Victorian, Regina at the town hall so she could finish up some paperwork, and her parents, Mary Margaret and David Nolan, back at their loft. Now that they were all adults again, thanks to a potion she and Neal had concocted that reversed the effects of a miscast spell of hers, she could relax and have some alone time with Neal.

"You hungry?" she asked as they drove back to their apartment. It was actually Neal's apartment, but she had moved in with him two weeks ago, as living in the loft with her parents and Henry had become rather crowded. "I'll call Henry and he can order pizza for us."

"Yeah, pizza sounds great," Neal agreed. "I could eat a whole cow."

"We'll get two pizzas," Emma amended. "One plain, extra cheese, and one pepperoni."

"Garlic knots too," Neal reminded her.

"Okay. Let me call Henry on my Bluetooth." She called their son, who was now home from school and had hopefully begun his homework, after being dropped off home by Leroy. "Hey, Henry. Just wanted to give you a heads up, kid. Everything's back to normal and we wanted to order pizza tonight from Mike's, so would you do me a favor and call in an order for two large pies, one extra cheese and one pepperoni, and a side of garlic knots. We'll be home in a few. See ya, bye."

Emma turned down the winding little street that led to their apartment complex, visions of delicious gooey pizza dancing in her head.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Hook slapped the back of Billy Bart and Pegleg Pat, two of his crew members, and said, "Hey, mates, let's go and have a cold one down at the Rabbit Hole to celebrate my return!"

"Aye, Captain!" agreed Billy. "Let's lift a glass in yer honor!"

So the three pirates ambled off the Jolly Roger and down to the Rabbit Hole to have a few pints of rum and some snacks.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

In the stately old Victorian on Threadneedle Way, Mr. Gold had just changed out of his somewhat wrinkled Armani and into some more comfortable gray wool slacks and a long-sleeved casual heather colored Ralph Lauren shirt. After slipping on his black leather Gucci loafers, he went downstairs to make some tea for himself and Belle, who was in the bathroom off the master suite getting changed as well.

He decided to have a small snack as well with their tea, and rummaged in his fridge, finding some prosciutto de Parma and some honeydew, and some mozzarella. He cut up the cheese and the melon and wound strips of prosciutto around them and set them on a plate, then accompanied it with some almond vanilla mocha biscotti.

He poured boiling water from the kettle into his blue willow Royal Dalton teapot, the same teapot that went with his chipped cup, and placed it on the table, adding several chamomile teabags and then letting it steep with a crocheted cozy on it. He summoned the sugar bowl from the pantry and two plates and some napkins, then sat down to wait for Belle.

It felt good to be home, and back to normal again. It felt even better to finally have some time with his brilliant librarian, whom he was going to propose to as soon as he found the perfect moment.

He turned just as he heard Belle's footsteps in the entrance to the kitchen. "How lovely you look in that dress, dearie."

Belle had on a pretty periwinkle dress that fell in elegant folds to her ankles, with a scalloped bodice and pleats that emphasized her tiny waist. She was wearing comfortable white flats and had left her hair to flow down her back in fiery chestnut waves, bound only by a simple lavender headband with a rosebud on the side. "Thank you, Rumple," she smiled at him. "I'd forgotten I had this one, it was buried under one of my coats, and I thought it looked very comfortable, and I sort of need that after the day we've had."

"I agree, being three years old and in the care of that despot Blue Fairy is enough to make me need an appointment with Archie," Rumple nodded. "It was like being under the thumb of a Nazi officer."

Belle nodded, coming over and hugging him. "Well, at least Emma and Bae have taught her a good lesson, and she can remain a child until somebody turns her back for the time being."

"And I'll tell you one thing, dearie. It'll be a cold day in hell before I do it," Rumple said, gently kissing her neck. He had suffered the most at the hands of Blue, who had deliberately persecuted him for being the Dark One, when he was an innocent little child with no memories of his former life, belittling and punishing him for nothing, and Belle also. The final straw though had been when she had shut Belle's nose in a book as a cruel reminder not to talk during nap time, making her cry, and Rumple had lost his temper and lit the fairy's behind on fire with his magic. It had been a minor spell, and one that she had put out immediately, but she had used it as an excuse to drag him into her office and blister his behind with a ruler, until Bae and Emma had stopped it and administered some justice of their own.

"Good. She needs to learn some restraint and decorum," Belle declared, still angry that the fairy had hurt Rumple that way. "And tolerance and how to treat people."

"Hopefully, Nova and the others can get through her thick skull," Rumple said. "Though I'm not holding my breath. Ah well, what's done is done, and now that we're home, let's relax and have some tea." He kissed her again leisurely, then gestured to the table with the tea service.

"Oh, this looks delicious!" she exclaimed, and sat down and began to pour the tea for them, and put some of the biscotti and prosciutto with cheese and melon on their plates.

Rumple picked up his chipped cup and gently clinked it with Belle's, saying, "Here's to us, and a quiet evening at home."

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Regina locked up her office and then stuck her keys in her purse and climbed into her Mercedes. All she wanted right now was to go home, take a bubble bath, and have a glass of white wine before relaxing in front of the TV watching some mindless reruns of something funny.

She started the car and pulled out of her parking space, turning onto Main Street a moment later.

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

_The Rabbit Hole:_

Hook lifted his second glass of rum and toasted himself with it before gulping it down. He had missed this since being stuck in that bloody convent forced to drink milk and eat peanut butter and jelly-vile stuff—and now he could finally have something fit to drink and a rare steak with all the trimmings.

He signaled the server for another round, just as Billy got up to go to the bathroom and Pat took a turn around the floor with a flirty barmaid.

He felt kind of strange suddenly . . . like he was three sheets to the wind . . . and it wasn't like him to get sloshed after only having one shot of rum and a Scotch and soda. Then he shrugged and put it down to the effects of the potion he'd taken, and rested his hands on the table . . . why did it seem so high?

He went to grab his purse to pay for the drinks he'd gotten and it fell, prompting him to scramble off the chair-what the hell, had it grown taller while he'd sat there?—and get it from the floor.

As he was doing so, the server came and plunked down another shot of rum for the three buccaneers and seeing no one there, figured they'd gone to use the men's room.

Hook climbed back up on his stool and reached for his shot, thinking, _ah, good rum! 'Tis better than mother's milk!_

His hand closed over the glass and he prepared to toss it back when suddenly another patron glanced over at his table and cried, "Oh my God! What the hell's a _kid_ doing in here? Drinking _shots_? Mike, you're gonna get closed down!"

The bartender gaped at the sight. There was a little boy sitting at Captain Hook's table . . . drinking down a shot of rum! "I . . . didn't see him come in, Jon! Yo, kid! You can't drink that!"

"Yeah, better get him a glass of soda!" roared another drunk patron.

"Or milk!" cried another, giggling.

Hook slammed his glass down on the table. "Aww, knock it off, mates! It's not funny! I was cursed!" he wiped the back of his mouth with his hand. Damn, the back of his throat stung!

He tossed some dollars on the table, which were what his doubloons had changed into after coming to this odd land.

Then he looked about for his crew and didn't see them. _Probably having a good old time with Liza Jean and her sister Fluffy upstairs,_ he thought with a lewd smirk. That being the case, he wasn't about to waste good liquor, and since he'd paid for it . . . he reached over and grabbed Billy's glass.

"Whoa! No more, kid!" yelped the bartender, and he ran around the back of the bar towards Hook's table.

Hook glared at him. "I'm fine, Mikey!" Then he tossed down the shot and reached over the table for the other one.

His arm couldn't reach the glass of amber liquid, and so he crawled onto the table to get it, a goofy smirk on his face. Just then a familiar song began to play on the jukebox. Hook, unaware that he was now a little boy again, and not his manly self, picked up the glass and began to sing along with the music, because he knew this song by heart.

"_A pirate's life is a wonderful life, _

_A roamin' o'er the seas!_

_Give me a career as a buccaneer_

_A pirate's life for me!_

_Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!"_

Then he saluted everyone with his glass and drank.

"Aww, no!" Mike groaned. "C'mere, you little imp! I ain't getting my license revoked serving alcohol to minors." He went to grab the child and pick him up.

Hook dodged the bartender's hands and sprang off the table and onto another one filled with drinks. "Leave off, Mike! I'm gonna have me a good old time!" He began dancing a hornpipe and kicking over some empty glasses, which shattered on the floor like grenades.

"Whoa! Little dude, watch it!" bawled a bearded man, who looked like a logger in a ballcap, red plaid flannel, and jeans over at the next table.

Hook reached for a shot glass of gin before the inebriated man at the table could prevent it, and chugged. Then he spun around and gestured with his hook. "Nothin' beats a gin chaser!"

"Man, he ain't even five and already an alkie!" blurted the logger to his companion. "Do they even got rehab for kids?"

Several of the more rowdy patrons began stomping their feet and singing along with the little boy, clapping their hands and hooting.

"C'mere, you little devil!" Mike cried, and then he snagged Hook about the waist and tucked him under his arm.

"Noo! Put me down!" ordered the inebriated toddler, squirming and kicking.

"Nuh uh, Mr. Jones!" chuckled the bartender. "We're gonna go in the back here and you're gonna take a nap while I call Sheriff Swan."

"NO! I ain't takin' no nap!" bellowed Hook, his face turning red. "Where's my crew? Billy! Pat! Ho! I'm being abducted! All hands on deck, damn yer eyes!"

Several men laughed hysterically at the sight of the baby pirate being taken away by the burly bartender.

A beet red Killian tried to use his hook to get free, but Mike would have none of it, and took the sharp implement away and tossed the child over his shoulder, holding him firmly as he made his way towards the back room. "None of that now, mate!"

"Lemme go, you asshole!" the boy struggled like a hooked fish, kicking and swearing.

Until Mike had enough, and gave the obnoxious youngling a firm swat on the behind and ordered, "Behave, kid! You kick me again and I'll warm your butt! And wash out your mouth too! Didn't yore mama teach you not to use those words?"

"Oww!" yelped the little boy, and quickly stopped fighting, realizing it would only get him in trouble.

Mike deposited the little troublemaker onto a small cot and reached for the phone. Wait till Sheriff Swan heard about _this_!

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma and Neal had just arrived at the apartment, and given Henry some money to pay the delivery boy for the pizzas, while Neal went to get changed and Emma used the bathroom, when Emma's phone rang.

"Henry, get that!" she called.

Henry picked up her phone. "Hello, Sheriff Swan's answering service, how may I help you?"

His eyes widened when he heard what was going on. "Hey, sheriff, you're never gonna believe this . . . there's a kid down here tryin' to drink out my whole stock of Captain Morgan! Swear to God!"

"A kid?" Henry repeated.

"Yup! And he's like Captain Hook! You wanna come git him so's he can dry out?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll tell her," Henry said, and then hung up. "Emma! Captain Hook's a kid again and he's at the Rabbit Hole drinking with somebody named Captain Morgan!"

"You gotta be kidding!" Neal gasped. "Henry, is this a joke?" He came into the kitchenette.

"No, Dad. The call just came in and that's what Mike said. Hook and this other guy Morgan were drinking out the bar."

"Hell! Captain Morgan isn't a guy, kiddo, that's rum!" Neal gasped. "Emma! We've got a situation here."

"Neal, can't you pay the darn pizza guy . . ." Emma said, a trifle annoyed as she came out of the bathroom.

"Emma, you gotta go pick up Hook! He's drunk and a kid again!" Henry cried.

"He's what?" Emma looked horrified. "But . . . the potion . . . how could that happen?"

"Maybe it wasn't strong enough?" Neal frowned.

"Aww, crap!" Emma sighed. Then her phone rang again. She took it from her son. "Hello, Sheriff Swan. There's a ten car traffic jam on Main Street . . . and what do you mean there's a little kid driving Regina's Mercedes . . .? Okay, I'm on my way . . . as soon as I stop by and pick up the baby lush down at the Rabbit Hole . . .!" She hung up and stared at her boyfriend. "Uh, Neal, something tells me we're in trouble here. Because I just got a call that Regina's Mercedes hit a doe . . . and she's a little girl again!"

"My mom ran over Bambi?" Henry gasped.

"Uh . . . I guess so," Emma groaned.

"Jesus, Emma!" Neal shook his head. "Maybe I'd better check up on Papa and Belle. They were the last ones to take the potion besides Regina and Hook."

"What about the pizza, Dad?"

"You stay here till it comes, and I'll be right back." He grabbed the keys to his car, then followed Emma outside.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Main Street:_

The mayor was driving along calmly, breaking for a traffic light, and thinking about the lovely glass of wine she was going to have when she arrived home, when she suddenly found she couldn't reach the brakes on her car any longer.

"What the hell?" she yelled, and her voice came out shrill and high. Her tiny hands gripped a steering wheel that was suddenly gigantic and the Mercedes kept driving down the road.

A panicked Regina stood up on the seat trying to see over the dashboard . . . and suddenly a brown doe darted out into the middle of the road!

"No! Move, you stupid deer!" she screamed, her eyes wide. She couldn't reach the brakes . . .

. .. and the car slammed into the deer.

Regina was almost strangled by the seatbelt, but it kept her from sailing through the car windshield as the Mercedes plowed to a halt.

"Oh no!" she wailed, tears starting from her eyes.

She wriggled free of the seatbelt, and opened the door.

Behind her, cars were honking and had screeched to a stop and a few people had gotten out of their cars and come over, calling, "Madam Mills, are you okay?"

The tiny girl hopped down to the pavement, her eyes filled with tears, and ignoring the wreckage of her brand new silver Mercedes, ran over to the still form of the deer lying on the street.

She burst into noisy sobs, bawling, "I killed Bambi's mama!"

"That isn't the mayor! It's a little kid!" exclaimed a woman with a green shirt.

"What's a kid doing driving Mayor Mills' car? She could cause an accident!" muttered a man with buck teeth.

"Uh, Seth? That there _is_ an accident!" remarked his companion.

"Oh . . . right . . . but mebbe we could have venison stew iffen she don't want the meat?"

"Shut up, you idjit!" snapped the other man, a blond with a handlebar mustache. He smacked Seth on the back of the head. "Hey, little lady, you okay?"

Regina looked up at the tall man. "You gots to help her, mister! She's hurt bad!"

"Uh . . ." the man began, trying to figure out how to tell the little moppet the deer was dead, when suddenly the doe moved and opened its eyes. "Well, I'll be hornswaggled! It's alive!"

"Yay!" the three-year-old cheered.

"Aww, damn! I really wanted some venison stew!" Seth moaned.

Regina glared at him. "Don't be 'sgusting, you big idiot! You ain't eatin' Bambi's mama, you cannibal!"

"Somebody call the vet! And let the sheriff know there's been an accident!" the mustached hunter called, then he went forward to examine the injured deer, saying, "Err . . .little lady, keep back, that deer can split yore head open iffen she kicks out at you . . ."

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

While Mike was answering the phone and talking to his delivery service, a drunk Hook scrambled off the cot in the back room and darted out the door and into the bar again.

As the little boy swayed across the floor, one of the patrons saw and whooped, "Holy shit! He's at it again!"

"Somebody better tie this kid's feet to the floor!"

"Jim, gimme your phone, we gotta record this and post it on Facebook! Drunken tot tippler!" cried another man, and took his friend's iPhone.

Hook spotted an unattended drink at the end of the bar and climbed quicker than a cabin boy up the ratlines onto the bar stool and then the bar.

"Better watch that drink, Pete! That kid's slicker than a squirming eel."

"Yeah, hide it or lose it, bub!"

As Hook made his way down the bar, trying to grab people's drinks, a bouncer yelled, "Yo, Mikey! Baby Jones here's tryin' to drink Captain Jack under the table!"

A harried Mike appeared in the doorway. "God! I don't get paid enough for this shit! Drunk ass adults I can handle, drunk ass kids . . . lock me up! Where the hell's Sheriff Swan?"

Just then Emma ran into the bar. "Mike, where's . . . oh, boy!" she cried upon seeing the inebriated little boy staggering across the bar. "Hey, kid, let's go have some ice cream."

She went to grab Killian, and the toddler looked at her and said, "Awright, matey, how's about some Irish crème . . .?" Then he toppled over, passed out cold in her arms.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Gold's Victorian:_

Rumple drank his tea and carefully set the chipped cup down on the saucer, slipping a black box inside it, before eyeing Belle appreciatively and murmuring, "You know what else I've missed today, sweetheart?"

"What, Rumple?" she queried sassily, her blue eyes glowing.

"Giving you more than one of these," he replied, then he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply.

Belle felt a jolt of passion run up her spine and she wrapped her arms about Rumple and kissed him back, showing him without words just how much she had missed this . . .when something happened.

Rumple was enjoying the feel of Belle in his arms and her sweet lips on his, tasting the mixture of melon and chamomile, when he felt an odd sensation race through him . . . and then he was hugging a three-year-old Belle and her mouth was pressed against his.

Startled, he drew back, frowning.

Belle wrinkled her nose at him. "Uh . . . Rumple . . . what are we _doing_?"

"Uh . . . kissing?"

"Why?" she asked, frowning.

He shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe we were playin' house?"

Belle looked around. "Rumple . . . where's the grown-ups?"

He stared about him. "Maybe they're in another room?"

The two ran into the living room, looking around, but finding it empty of anyone. The big screen TV was off, and there was a recliner with a book called _Cleopatra Queen of Kings_ on it. "Hello?" Rumple called. "Is anybody here?"

But no one answered them.

Alarmed, Belle said, "Maybe they're upstairs sleepin'?" She began to climb the long stairs up to the second floor.

Rumple ran and stood on tiptoe and pulled open the basement door. But it was dark and scary down there and he was afraid. "Hey!" he yelled. But nobody answered.

Frightened, he closed the door and scurried up the stairs as best he could, pausing every third step because he forgotten his cane and his leg hurt. "Belle! Belle! Are you there?"

"I'm here, Rumple!" she yelled, running back down the hall. "But . . . we're all alone! There's nobody here!"

"Nobody?" he whimpered, his eyes huge. He sat down on the step with a thump. "We're . . . home alone?"

"Well . . . there's nobody here, 'cept us," Belle said, and she jumped down the stairs and took his hand. "Where's your cane?"

He looked sheepish. "Umm . . . down there," he pointed to the bottom of the staircase. "I was lookin' in the basement for Bae and Emma. But it was dark n'scary. I think . . . there's monsters." He swallowed hard.

She nodded. "Yeah. Monsters always hide in the basement. That's why you're not supposed to go down there."

"I'm not!" he shivered. "Where'd they go?"

Belle shook her head. "Maybe they went to the market?"

"An' they . . . left us alone?" Rumple sniffled. He began to slide down the stairs on his bottom until he reached the floor. Then he grabbed his cane and stood up. "Belle . . . I'm scared. We're not supposed to be alone."

She jumped down the stairs and took his hand. "I know! Maybe you could call Bae up. On the phone!"

"Where is it?" he asked.

"I think you left it on the table," she replied, and then they went back into the kitchen and Belle climbed on the table and found Rumple's cell.

She handed it to him. "Here! Now you can see where Bae is."

Rumple took the cell phone and stared at it. Then he opened it up and looked at the screen. "Umm . . . Belle? I forgot the number."

"You did? But . . . I don't know it either!"

Rumple's lower lip trembled. "Then how we gonna call him?"

"I don't know," Belle said nervously.

"Maybe . . . maybe he left me here . . ." the little boy whimpered. "Like my papa . . . because he . . . didn't want me no more. Papa always said . . . he said I was nothing but a troublemakin' little louse that cost him more money than I was worth. . ."

"But Rumple . . . Bae isn't like that! He saved you from the Blue Butt Muncher!" Belle objected.

Rumple sniffled. "I know, but . . . then why are we here all alone? Maybe Bae got sick and tired of me . . ." Tears welled in his eyes and he started to cry softly.

Belle came and hugged him. "Don't cry . . . they'll be back soon . . ."

But minutes ticked by and no one came. The house was big and they kept hearing some weird noises and creaking sounds. Rumple was falling apart on Belle's shoulder, his brain overloaded with terrible images of being abandoned again.

Belle tried to be brave but she started to get scared also and began to cry too.

She clung to Rumple and they both bawled for a few moments, until Rumple realized he was upsetting Belle and he gulped hard and choked back the tears, saying, "M'sorry, Belle. M'sorry, I'm such a crybaby."

Belle wiped her eyes and patted Rumple on the back. "S'okay. If you're a crybaby, so am I."

He shook his head, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "No. You're brave."

"You too," she insisted. "You burnt that meanie Blue's butt when she shut my nose in a book. That was _real_ brave."

He preened a little at her words. Then he took her hand. "C'mon. Maybe they got lost and we need to go find 'em." He tucked the phone in his pants pocket.

"Yeah. Let's go look! We can go on a quest!"

"Like Merlin!" Rumple cheered, and then he limped towards the door.

It took him three tries to turn the doorknob hard enough to open the door, and then he and Belle walked out of the house and stood in the driveway, looking up and down the street.

Just as they were about to head down the sidewalk, a black Sonata pulled into the driveway.

Neal quickly parked and jumped out, calling, "Hey, where are you two going?" _Dammit, they're back to being three-year-olds again too!_

"Bae! You came back!" Rumple yelled, then he limped as quickly as he could over to the older man and grabbed him about the knees.

"Hey, little buddy! What were you doing outside?" Neal asked, kneeling and hugging his father.

Rumple threw his arms around Neal's neck and clung to him. "We . . . were lookin' for you and Emma, Bae. I . . . I thought you . . . left us alone. Why'd you do that, Bae? Was it 'cause . . . you didn't want us no more?"

Neal hugged the little boy hard, his heart breaking for the uncertainty and fear he heard in the little voice. "No, Rumple, of course not! I love you, buddy. You and Belle both."

"Then why'd you leave us alone, Bae?" asked Belle, coming up and hugging him also.

"Uh . . . Emma had to go out on a call and I needed to pick up Henry," he improvised. "I'm sorry I was late coming back here. Were you okay?"

"Well . . . I got scared . . . a little," Rumple admitted. "But Belle and I was playin' house, so it was okay."

"Yeah, it was fun . . . I like playin' house with Rumple," Belle said, grinning.

"You . . . do?" Neal nearly choked, because he was afraid he knew _exactly_ what they'd been doing before they'd become little again. _Oh, Lord. What if . . . they were doing the horizontal mambo before . . ._ "Err . . . guys, just _what_ were you doing before you found out you were home alone?"

Rumple sighed. "Bae, I just _told_ you. We were playin' house."

"You know . . . like when you pretend you're grown-ups, and I was the mama and Rumple was the papa," Belle explained patiently, because Bae had a funny look on his face.

Rumple was afraid they had done something wrong, and said nervously, "Umm . . . you know . . . we were . . . kissing . . . is that bad? That's what you do when you play house . . . the mama and papa kiss each other . . ."

Belle nodded. "Uh huh. We're not gonna get cooties are we, Bae?"

"C-Cooties?" Neal had to bite his lip to keep from busting out laughing.

"That's what a girl I knew used to say happened when you kissed a boy."

"Are we in trouble?" Rumple asked, alarmed. "You're not gonna . . . spank me, are you?"

"What? No . . . no, of course not!" Bae reassured him. "You're not bad, Rumple. And Belle, you can't get cooties from kissing boys. Trust me." His mouth twitched.

Belle sighed in relief. "Good! Cause I like playing house with Rumple!"

"Me too!" Rumple stated. "I'm gonna marry Belle when I'm big."

Neal's jaw almost hit the ground. "Whoa! Hey, buddy, you got a ways to go before then . . . so . . . no playing house again, okay?" he stammered, thinking this would be all he needed, two toddlers making out in the backseat!

"_Why?"_ the two whined in tandem.

"Err . . ." Neal groped for an answered.

"We wanna play house!" Rumple scowled, his little chin sticking out defiantly.

Belle nodded firmly. "Yeah! It's no fair!" She stamped her foot.

"Why can't we play house if it's not bad?" Rumple demanded, banging his cane on the ground.

"Yeah?" Belle pouted. "We wanna play house! It's fun!"

"So there!" Rumple said stubbornly. "When we get big, we're gonna get married and have a bunch of kids and play house all the time and nobody's gonna tell us not to!"

"Hey! You can play house . . . just not . . . right now," Neal amended, trying not to crack up. This was the craziest conversation he'd ever had. His three-and-a-half year old father and his three-year-old girlfriend were having a conniption about playing house together, Emma had to go get a drunk toddler Hook from a bar, and baby Regina was causing a car accident and running over Bambi. _I think I'm gonna have a breakdown, God help me!_

"Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna lock up the house and then we're gonna go back home and have a sleepover. Henry ordered pizza and we can watch a movie and stuff. How's that sound?"

"Cool! Can we eat popcorn?" Rumple asked.

"Sure!"

"Can we read the Once Upon a Time book?" Belle wanted to know.

"Yeah, we'll read that tonight," Neal assured them. "Now let me call Emma and see what's going on, and then we'll get you guys in the car and go home."

"Yay! Slumber party!" cheered Rumple, and he gave Neal the most adorable smile. A pillow and a teddy bear appeared in his little hands. "Here, Belle!" he waved a hand again, and a second pillow and a princess rag doll appeared in her hands.

Neal couldn't help but smile back, as he dug out his cell and dialed Emma. _I've got to be crazy. I don't even know how to be a dad to an eleven year old, much less two toddlers._


	2. Four's A Crowd

**2**

**Four's A Crowd**

By the time Neal came home with Rumple and Belle, Emma had arrived with Hook and Regina in tow, and the pizzas had also arrived. Emma put the sleeping Hook on the couch and covered him, saying, "Well, least he's quiet now and not singing Yo Ho Ho And a Bottle of Rum, or trying to drain everybody's glass. But he'll probably have the doozy of a hangover when he wakes up."

Neal shook his head. "Then this'll be the first time I've ever had to make black coffee for a toddler. Emma, what went wrong? Are any of the rest of them like this?"

Emma shook her head. "No. My parents are fine, Ashley, Ruby, and George are okay too. There's only one thing I can figure, Neal, and that's the potion, by the time it got to these four, lost its potency. I remember Gold saying that can happen with certain potions, they need to be drunk right away otherwise prolonged exposure to the air or whatever causes them to weaken. I think that's what happened here."

"So we'll need to make more."

Emma nodded. "Yup. But right now we can't. Some ingredients are missing and I don't know how to get more. Gold wasn't kidding when he told Blue he couldn't make the potion. And it's not like there's an apothecary around here."

"Then . . . what do we do?"

"Right now, I don't know. But let's eat and then get the kids in pajamas and settled, because I'm starving." Then she looked at the three inquisitive toddlers who were looking around in the apartment and asking Henry questions. "I hope we have enough pizza."

"If not, we'll just give 'em cereal. We have Golden Grahams and Cap'n Crunch in the pantry." Neal said easily. "Or peanut butter  
and jelly."

Emma found plates and napkins and started handing out pizza. Everyone loved the gooey pizza and garlic knots, though afterwards Bae got a bowl of Golden Grahams and ate it too because he only had one slice of pizza.

Afterwards, Emma had the kids wash their hands, then Belle asked, "Now can we read a story?"

Regina shook her head. "No. I don't wanna go to sleep! Let's watch a movie!"

"Yeah, and eat popcorn!" Rumple cheered.

"Popcorn? Kid, you just ate!" Emma replied.

"So? Emma, you gotta have popcorn when you watch a movie," Rumple said, as if he were explaining something to a slow person.

"He's right. You do," Bae agreed. "I'll make some, while you see what's on TV for kids."

"Okay." Emma went into the den to turn on the TV.

She found that Disney's Beauty and the Beast was on. "Okay, kids, let's watch this one."

She sat on one end of the couch, with Regina next to her, and Henry next to Regina. Then Neal sat next to Henry, with Rumple and Belle beside him. They all ate popcorn and watched the movie, while Hook snored at the other end of the couch through everything.

Once the end credits rolled around, Belle looked at Neal and said, "How come Belle had to kiss the Beast? I liked him the way he was."

"Because he was ugly," Regina put in.

Belle glared at her. "Was not! He was cute!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "If ya like dogs."

"He was lonely," Rumple interjected. "'Sides he was cursed and she had to break the spell."

"But why'd she hafta kiss him?" Regina asked disgustedly.

"Because True Love breaks all curses," Henry answered.

"I ain't never kissing boys! Yuck!"

"I kissed Rumple," Belle said.

Regina scrunched her nose up in disgust. "Eeeww!"

Belle sighed. "It wasn't. An' when we're big, I'm gonna kiss Rumple everyday when we's married."

Emma gaped at Neal. "She's marrying him?"

"They were playing house," Neal said.

Regina tittered, then she began to sing, "Rumple and Belle sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes mawage, then comes Belle pushin' a baby cawage . . ."

"Where'd she learn that?" Emma started chuckling.

"Hey! Don't make fun of us!" Rumple said indignantly. "It ain't nice!"

Regina stuck her tongue out at him. "Kissing's gross! You get cooties!"

"Do not!" Belle challenged.

"Do too!"

Rumple turned to Neal. "Bae, it's not true! You don't get cooties kissing people! You kiss Emma."

Henry cracked up. "Wow, he notices everything!"

"Rumple's right. You don't get cooties kissing people," Neal interjected.

"Do you like kissing Emma, Bae?" Belle queried.

"Yeah, do you?" Emma smirked.

"I love it!" Neal answered, then he pulled Emma to him and kissed her.

"Oooo!" the toddlers squealed.

"Get a room, Dad!" Henry groaned. "My virgin eyes!"

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma and Neal got the three of them into pajamas, which Regina conjured, and tucked them all in bed on an air mattress on the den floor. Except for Hook whom they left on the couch.

Emma made sure they were all snug and Rumple hugged his bear and Belle her rag doll. "Regina, you want a stuffed animal?" she asked, recalling that she had a stuffed lamb from when she was a toddler in her closet.

Regina shook her head. "Nope. But I want Henry to read us a story!"

"A story! A story!" Belle and Rumple chanted.

"Okay, kid. Get 'em to fall asleep," Emma said to her son. She ruffled his hair.

"Easy peasy, Ma," Henry assured her, then sat down beside the mattress with the Once Upon a Time Book.

Neal and Emma went into the bedroom to get changed and go to sleep, confident Henry would knock the kids out and then go to bed himself.

**Page~*~*~*~*Break**

_An hour later:_

Henry started out reading "The Brave Little Tailor", and when that was over, read "Sleeping Beauty". He was sure that they'd fall asleep then, but as soon as he stopped reading, Regina poked her head up from the pillow.

"Another one, Henry!"

"Yeah, more story!" Belle encouraged.

"Please?" Rumple begged.

"Okay. But just one more," Henry sighed. Then he found a new story, "Jack and the Giants" about the magic beans grown in Fairy Tale Land.

He came to the end of the rather long tale and yawned. "'Kay, g,night."

"More, Henry!" they chorused.

"Just go to sleep!" he groaned.

"One more," Rumple argued.

"Okay. But that's it."

Before Henry knew it, he had fallen asleep mid-word over the fairy tale book.

"What happens next?" Belle asked brightly.

"Henry?" Regina shook him. "He's sleepin'!"

"Aww!" Rumple sighed. Then he snuggled next to Belle. "Can I sleep by you?"

"Sure!" Belle said, and she moved over so he could nestle by her.

Regina scowled. "Oooh! You's playin' house and Bae said no. I'm telling!"

Rumple glared at her crankily. "Try and I magic your mouth shut!"

"BAE!" Regina screamed like a banshee.

"What the hell?" Neal sat bolt upright in bed.

"Maybe somebody's having a nightmare," Emma murmured.

"Aww, Jesus!" He climbed out of bed and went into the den.

He saw three toddlers wide awake and Henry snoozing. "Hey, what's the matter? You dying, kid?"

"Bae, Rumple n' Belle was playin' house again and they're not 'llowed cause they're not big yet!" tattled Regina, pointing to where the other two were sleeping next to each other.

"What?" he groaned and rubbed his eyes. _I don't **believe** this! I'm so not ready to deal with this right now! It's 11 o'clock at night!_ "Okay . . . no playing house, you two, it's bedtime. And that's when all good boys and girls go to sleep. Now close your eyes." _My God, I sound like Papa._ Getting an idea, he went and picked up Hook off the couch and gently placed the little boy inbetween Belle and Rumple. "Night, guys!"

Rumple rolled his eyes, but he was usually an obedient child, so he didn't protest Hook being next to him . . . then. "Night, Bae!"

"G'night, Bae!" Belle chirped.

"Night night!" Regina waved to him.

Neal paused and shook Henry awake, sending him to his room for the night.

Then he went back into the bedroom and thought, _okay, problem solved. Now to get some shut eye._

He had just drifted off into that hazy twilight before a deep sleep when a little hand poked his arm. "Huh?"

"Bae . . . Bae . . . Hook drooled on me . . . he got my arm all wet . . ." Rumple whispered. "And he snores and his breath smells . . ."

"Aww . . . Rumple . . ."

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Shoot, kid . . . just . . . put a blanket over him . . ." groaned Neal.

Rumple sighed, but he went back into the den.

Two minutes later, Regina poked Emma in the shoulder. "Emma, I'm thirsty. I wanna drink of water."

Emma moaned. "Okay, kid. But then you go to bed."

"Kay!" Regina sang, and she skipped down the hall to the kitchen.

After getting the little imp a drink, Emma prepared to go back to bed.

Then Belle came and tugged her sleeve. "Emma, I gotta go potty. And it's dark and scary in the hall."

"Why me?" the sheriff yawned, then she took Belle's hand.

She finally crawled back in bed after tucking Belle in, and thought _now, I'm passing out._

Until another small voice intruded on her dream time. "Emma, Regina kicked me."

And on the opposite side of the bed, "Bae, Hook farted in my face."

"Belle's talking in her sleep an' it woke me up," Regina said crossly. "Do ya hafta read in your dreams too? That's why I kicked you."

"You're mean!" Belle scowled at Regina.

Neal turned over and sat up. "Emma, you awake?"

"I haven't gotten a chance to fall asleep again yet. Why?"

"Because I have to ask you something. Why the hell's it called a sleepover if nobody _sleeps_?"

Emma shrugged. "How should I know? Let's try this again."

They all trooped back into the den, and this time the adults made sure the kids weren't right on top of each other, no one was thirsty, or had to go potty, and then they tucked everybody in bed and said, "Now-_go to sleep!_"

Then they went and shut the bedroom door.

Things grew quiet in the apartment.

Regina kicked off her covers. It was hot. She rose and padded into the kitchenette and went to get another drink of water from the dispenser on the fridge. As she filled the little plastic cup she noticed the ice maker.

"Ooo! What's this do?" she pressed the lever.

Ice shot out onto the floor.

"Neat!" she touched another button and then the lever again.

More ice came out, this time crushed in bits.

"What are you doin'?" Rumple asked, his eyes heavy from sleep. The noise from the ice maker had woken him.

"Playin' with this," Regina answered. "Look! You can make ice!"

"Lemme try!"

"You push this thing," Regina told him.

Rumple did and more ice fell onto the floor. "Cool!" He pushed the colored buttons, and big chunks of ice fell into his hand. "I'm gonna show Belle!"

He padded into the den and climbed onto the mattress. But Belle was sleeping, and Rumple clutched the ice in his palm and sighed. It was starting to melt. Now what?

Suddenly Hook snorted.

Rumple looked at the sleeping pirate . . . and got a naughty idea. Hook had woken him up lots of times tonight. So now it was Rumple's turn.

Smirking, the mischievous little sorcerer went and pulled the sleeping toddler's pants down . . .and shoved the ice cubes in them and then pulled them up again, snickering.

At first the freezing cold didn't penetrate Hook's alcohol soaked brain . . . until a few moments went by. Then it registered.

"Ahhh! My _butt_!" he yelled, and Rumple quickly pressed his face into the pillow.

"Shut it! You wanna wake the grown-ups?" he hissed in Hook's ear.

The other boy shoved him aside and started jumping up and down, trying to rid himself of the ice.

"What's the matter with _him_?" asked Regina curiously.

"He's got ice in his pants," replied Rumple, then he started laughing. So did Regina.

"You're a dumbass, Rumple!" snarled Hook.

"Oooh, you said a bad word!" Rumple pointed out.

"I'm telling!" Regina taunted.

"Tattletale!" Hook shot back, finally getting the ice out of his pants. "I'm hungry. Whadda we got to eat in this dump?"

"Hey! It's not a dump!" Rumple defended.

"Me too! Let's see if theys gots cookies!" Regina said.

"Yeah, let's!" Hook turned and followed Regina into the kitchen.

"Guys . . . we're supposed to be sleepin'," Rumple reminded them.

"So sleep!" was Hook's answer. "Me, I'm havin' cookies!"

Together, Hook and Regina raided the pantry and found a package of Chips Ahoy.

"Here. You take that an' I'll get the milk," Regina ordered.

Hook tucked the Chips Ahoy under his arm and went into the den with his loot.

Meanwhile, Regina opened the fridge and took out the carton of milk. Then she got a glass from the sink and poured some for her and Killian. But the carton was heavy and the milk spilled onto the floor.

"Ooops!" she said, then shoved the milk back in the fridge and shut the door.

Taking the two glasses of milk, she trotted into the den. "Cookies n'milk! Yum!"

The two adventurous toddlers began stuffing their faces, while Rumple and Belle slept, their faces next to each other on the pillow like two cherubs in a painting.

After half the package of Chips Ahoy was gone, Killian said, "Gotta go pee," and he got up to find the potty. "Uh, where is it?"

"Down the hall there, 'cross from Henry's room," Regina instructed, munching another chocolate chip.

Crumbs fell all over the mattress and onto the floor.

Soon Killian rejoined her, and they polished off the remainder of the package and drank down the milk.

Twenty minutes later, Killian looked at Regina. "My tummy hurt."

Regina nodded. "Me too." She wrapped her arms about it. "I think . . . we had too many cookies."

"Nah. You can never have too many," Killian disagreed.

"I don't feel good," she moaned pathetically.

"What should we do?" mused the little boy. His tummy hurt worse with every passing minute. He looked at Rumple, snoozing peacefully. Then he remembered something that had happened earlier in daycare at the convent.

"I know! We'll wake up Rumple!"

"What for?" asked Regina irritably.

"So's he can heal us." Killian leaned over and shook Rumple. "Mate, wake up!"

Rumple moaned and shoved his head under the pillow.

"C'mon, get up!" Killian whimpered. Rumple slept on. Exasperated, the little pirate shouted, "Gold, they's havin' a sale!"

"Huh? What? Where?" Rumple blinked and sat up. "Whaddaya want, Hook?"

"My tummy hurts. Use your magic and fix it," Killian ordered.

Rumple was tired and did not take well to being woken up. He gave Killian a scowl worthy of a dark sorcerer. "What do I look like? I'm a sorcerer, not a doctor! Now lemme alone!" Then he rolled back over and fell asleep again.

"Little turd!" Hook swore. He turned to Regina. "Maybe we need to get Emma."

Regina coughed. "She said t'go t'sleep. We's gonna get in trouble."

"So?" Hook moaned. "I want—" he never finished his sentence, because he threw up—all over Regina.

The former queen stared in dismay at her vomit covered jammies. Then she started screaming. "EWWW! You're _so_ S'GUSTING! Emma, he _barfed_ all over _me-e-e_!"

"Shut up, you wanker! I couldn't help it," Killian whined. "It just . . . came out!"

"Shit! Neal, what now?" Emma groaned. She poked him.

"Huh? Emma? Is it time get up?" he grunted, blinking sleepily.

"No. It's 3 AM. But I think our other problem child just woke up."

"Emma!" Regina wailed. "Hook barfed on me!"

"Aww, for God's sake!" Neal muttered, and swung his legs over the bed.

"Gross!" Belle had been woken by the little queen's screeching and was staring at her in disgust.

Rumple sat up too, his hair sticking up. "Regina, why're you yelling?" He yawned.

"Cuz Jones barfed all over my jammies!" she sniffled, looking very put out.

The little sorcerer wrinkled his nose. "Yuck! You smell like a dead dog."

"Thanks a lot!" Regina sulked.

"I need the potty," Rumple announced, and got up to go use it.

In the bedroom, Neal rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and nudged Emma. "Hey, babe, you wanna get up and clean up Regina? C'mon, Em."

"Mmgmhmhm . . ."

"Great!" Neal sighed. Then he leaned over and hummed in her ear. "Swan, wake up! Wake up, honey!"

She batted his head away. "Knock it off, Cassidy! 'Fore I deck you!"

While Neal tried to wake up his sleeping beauty, Rumple emerged from the bathroom and marched over to Hook, a scowl riding his face. "You . . . are . . . . _gross!_" He pointed at the other boy accusingly. "You missed the potty and peed on the _floor_, you butthole! And I _walked in it_!"

Hook flushed. "But . . ."

Belle stared at Killian. "Umm . . . I think you had an accident . . .look, the front of your jammies is wet."

Killian looked down. "It's water."

Regina pointed to him, giggling. "Pee pee head!"

Rumple gave him a disgusted look. "You need a Pull Up or somthin'?" 'Cause I ain't sleeping next to you and waking up in a puddle of pee!"

"Eeeww, Rumple!" Belle wrinkled her nose. Then she said in a lecturing tone to Hook, "Don'tcha know you is supposed to use the potty _b'fore_ you got to sleep?"

"Shut up, or I'll give you a swirlie!" Hook threatened.

"What's that?" Belle asked, puzzled.

"C'mere, and I'll show ya, bookworm!"

Rumple stepped in front of Belle. "You hurt her and I'll turn ya into a snail, bilge rat!"

"Okay, what's going on out here?" Emma asked, coming into the den. She wrinkled her nose upon seeing poor Regina and said, "Aww, sweetie, c'mere and I'll get you changed."

"Emma . . . I don't gots no more jammies!" the little girl sniveled.

"It's okay, imp. You can wear one of my shirts," Emma improvised. She took Regina into the bathroom, and called, "Neal, you'd better not have fallen asleep again, or else I'm gonna kick your butt!"

"I'm tired!" came Neal's rejoinder.

"Tough! Get up and take care of Hook!"

"Awright!" Neal grumbled, then he came into the den. "Killian, what happened?"

"I got sick on Regina," Hook answered.

"And he peed on the _floor_, Bae!" Rumple added.

"Oh, boy," Neal sighed. "Umm . . . come with me, Killian. Emma, you got a towel and soap?"

"Right here," she handed him one. "And now I need a bucket with Mr. Clean."

"Hang on, I'll get it," Neal said.

"No, I can do it!" Regina squeaked, and she summoned a mop and a bucket with cleaner.

"Thanks, kid," Emma said gratefully. Luckily, the light had been on in the bathroom, so neither of the girls had stepped in the puddle by the toilet.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone was cleaned up and tucked back in bed.

As he pulled the sheet up over him, Neal said, "Emma, I think we're going to wait a _long_ time before we have any more kids."

"You bet your ass, Cassidy," his girlfriend snorted. Then she tucked her hand beneath her head and started snoring.

Neal had just tumbled into dreamland when he heard a tiny voice in his ear.

"Bae?"

"Aww, what _now_?"

"Bae . . . m'sorry . . . I had a bad dream . . ." whimpered Rumple.

Neal opened his eyes to see his father standing there, his thumb halfway in his mouth, his hair mussed, and his brown eyes huge and scared in his little face. It was the eyes that melted him. He patted the bed. "C'mere, buddy."

Rumple scrambled into the bed and cuddled next to his son. "It was scary, Bae . . . I was all alone in the dark . . . and a monster was coming in a black cape . . . and he was giggling and saying . . . kill me, Rumple . . . and take the power . . . and he gave me a big knife . . ." the little boy began to tremble. "Bae . . . I don't wanna kill anybody . . ."

Bae hugged him close, thinking, _Hell, he's dreaming of the past . . .that bloody dagger . . .frigging Zoso . . ._ His hand rubbed Rumple's back and he said soothingly, "It's okay, you're safe now. There's no monsters here, buddy. I killed them all."

"You did?"

"Yup. I chopped off all their heads and made them into monster soup," Neal answered.

Rumple grinned. "Awesome! You're the bestest, Bae!"

The older man chuckled, hearing echoes of himself in the child beside him. "Okay, kid. Now let's get some shut eye. _Please."_

Rumple yawned. Now that he was sure he was safe from the man with glowing eyes and the wavy knife, he could sleep. Bae would protect him. He snuggled against his protector and soon fell fast asleep.

Neal curled around the small boy, his chin on Rumple's head, one hand splayed protectively around the child, and he slipped off at last into dreamland.

In the den, the other three toddlers cuddled together in a heap, and at last they all slept with no more interruptions.

Until the next morning when Emma woke up at nine-thirty and saw the unholy mess in the den and the kitchen. "Freaking hell! Those little brats! _Neal!_"

**A/N: Thanks everyone for all your reviews and thanks CJ for all your input! Next chapter-breakfast at Granny's and the park!**


	3. Clean Up and Picky Eaters

**3**

**Clean Up and Picky Eaters**

At Emma's bellow, Neal hurried out of the bedroom, still putting on a sock. "What's the matter?"

"Ma? Is there something wrong?" Henry called, coming into the den from the bathroom. "Whoa! Like did a bomb hit this place while we were sleeping?"

The den had pillows strewn everywhere, the sheet half off the mattress, cookie crumbs trailing from the mattress around the floor and into the kitchen, and milk dried on the floor in the den and the kitchen as well. And three of the toddlers were sprawled in a heap like puppies snoring away. Rumple was the only one missing, since he was in Neal's bed.

"It looks like it!" Emma frowned ferociously, her hands on her hips.

"Don't worry, Em. We'll get it cleaned up," Neal said quietly.

"Do I have to help?" Henry looked annoyed.

"Tiger, you have to help wake up the little imps so they can," his dad said. "I'll wake up Rumple, he's in my room."

"I thought I saw him there this morning," Emma said, then she bent to shake Belle awake.

"Yeah, he had a nightmare and that's why I let him sleep with me," Neal explained. "Shoot, I did it too many times to him when I was little. Especially after my mama left. I was afraid I'd be kidnapped or something."

"Kidnapped?" Emma repeated. "Belle, sweetie, come on, time to get up."

Belle moaned and opened her eyes. "Is it morning time?"

"Yup. Now why don't you go use the potty, okay?" Emma urged.

Belle nodded and got up, rubbing her eyes.

"So why were you afraid of being kidnapped?" she asked Neal.

"Uh, because that's what I'd heard happened to my mama. She was kidnapped by pirates and died. So I was kind of terrified for the first few weeks after that and I ended up sleeping with Papa every night. He never minded though."

"That's good." Emma said, then she went to wake up Regina.

Henry woke up Hook and Neal went inside and woke up Rumple.

Once all the kids were awake and had used the facilities, Emma gathered them in the den and pointed to the big mess. "Okay, now you all see this mess here? We're gonna clean it . . . and you're all going to help me." She handed out a wet rag to each child and a little dustpan and a small broom to Regina, whom she suspected had caused the mess.

Hook stared at the rag and whined, "But Emma . . . I only got one hand."

Regina piped up then. "Yeah and where are the servants?"

Belle rolled her eyes. "You got to be kidding! This ain't a palace."

Rumple just began cleaning the floor with his rag, accustomed to doing chores like this. As he washed the milk away, he gave Hook a frown and said, "Hey, Hook, get your butt in gear and help, you lazy fart!"

Killian stomped over to Rumple and shoved him, making the smaller boy land on his behind on the floor. "Shut up, Rumplestiltskin! You ain't the boss of me!"

"Leave Rumple alone, you rotten-hearted brat!" Belle cried angrily, and she marched up and shoved Killian.

"Hey, stop it!" Emma ordered wearily, coming and separating the two. This was all she needed. "Belle, go and clean the table over there," she redirected the little girl to the coffee table. "Rumple, you okay?"

"Yeah," Rumple said, rolling back to his knees.

"Killian, we don't push people. You have a problem, you come tell an adult, understand?" Emma lectured. "Now say sorry to Rumple."

"Sorry," Hook muttered.

"That goes for all of you guys. No shoving, pushing, tripping, or hitting allowed. Or else you'll be in time out and no dessert or play time. Or name calling." Emma looked at Killian and Rumple pointedly.

"Sorry," Rumple said without prompting.

"Good. Now, like I said before, we're all going to help clean up. That means you, Killian. This is not a democracy here, kids. I'm the captain of this ship and what I say goes, Mr. Jones. So start swabbing the deck or else!"

"Yeah!" Regina put in sassily. "She's Captain Swan."

Neal, who was in the kitchen mopping the floor, started laughing hard.

He put the mop in the bucket and came out into the den. "Lieutenant Cassidy reporting for duty!" he said and saluted her.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Funny, Neal."

"Girls!" Hook grumbled, swishing the rag around. "They're nothing but trouble!"

Neal snickered at that.

Emma slugged him in the arm. "Some help you are, Neal. You want to quit being an ass and help me straighten these kids out?" she muttered.

Neal winced. "Hey, take it easy."

Then Rumple spoke up. "Listen to Emma, Bae, and don't be an ass."

"I'm not—hey! You watch your mouth!" Neal sputtered, realizing just what his three-year-old father said. "You don't use that language unless you want to eat soap, got me?" Then he shot Emma a Look. "Nice going, Swan."

"I didn't think he could hear me," she whispered, chagrined.

"Little pitchers have big ears," Neal groaned.

"Sorry, Bae," Rumple apologized contritely.

"Okay, this is your first and last warning," he said.

Hook was scrubbing the carpet and the stain was proving difficult to get out. Angrily, he swore, "This sucks mother f-ing arse!"

Emma's jaw dropped. "Hey! Kid, you have a mouth like a . . . err . . sailor. What Neal said goes for you too!"

"Yeah. You gots a mouth like a potty, whyn't you go live in one?" Regina scolded.

Hook flipped her the finger when Emma's back was turned, and Bae was straightening out the sheet on the mattress.

"Oooh! You flipped her the bird. That's bad!" tattled Rumple, and he shook his finger reprovingly at the pirate.

"And no rude gestures either, mister!" Emma turned around and gave Hook a warning look.

"Emma, what's a motherf—?" Belle began.

"Kid, don't you say that!" she interrupted the little girl before she could say it.

"Why? 'Cause it's bad?"

"Yeah, and you don't want to taste soap, do you?" Emma reminded.

Belle shook her head rapidly. "Yuck!"

"You ain't makin' me eat soap!" declared Killian.

"Then don't be a potty mouth," Rumple scolded.

"If you don't stop it, Mr. Jones, I've got a bar of Ivory right here," Neal scolded, and showed him the bar of soap.

Hook shrank a little at that.

"Damn, Dad! You're like a drill sergeant!" Henry blurted.

"Uh oh! Bae, Henry swore!" Rumple cried.

Neal cranked his head around and gave his son a Look. "You want to be the first to taste some, mister?"

"No!" Henry muttered. Then he added, "I can't believe I was ratted on by my own grandpa!"

"Potty mouth! Potty mouth! Henry's a potty mouth!" sang Regina.

"Mom, not you too!"

Regina frowned at him. "How can I be your mom? I's a little girl!"

"Yeah, and I'm not your own grandpa either!" objected Rumple.

"Henry!" hissed Emma.

"Ooops!"

Belle was eying the older boy with a puzzled expression in her blue eyes. Finally she said, "Didja fall and hit your head, Henry? And lose your mind?"

"Err . . ." Henry gaped at her.

Neal bent and whispered to Emma, "No, but I think I'm losing mine."

"How can you fall down and lose your mind?" Hook wanted to know.

"Duh! Your brains dribble out of your ears!" stated Rumple.

Emma lost it then, and leaned on the couch, holding her ribs and laughing like crazy. "Oh . . . my . . . God!"

After a minute, so did Neal and Henry.

Regina rolled her eyes. "I don't get it. What's so funny?"

Belle shrugged. "I don't know."

Rumple heaved a sigh. "Grown-ups are weird!"

"You can say that again, mate!" Hook agreed.

"Okay, kids!" Neal wiped his eyes. "Let's finish up so we can have breakfast at Granny's."

"Yay! Breakfast!" chorused the rugrats, and they began cleaning doubletime, finally motivated.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Granny's diner:_

Ruby quickly seated them in a large family style booth beside the window, so the kids would have something to watch while they waited for their food to arrive. She took their orders for a coffee, two cocoas with cinnamon, two chocolate milks, and two orange juices and said she'd be right back and in the meantime here were some crayons and coloring pages.

Emma handed them out to each child, and then said brightly, "Okay, kids! What's everyone thinking about eating?"

"Uh . . . I want cinnamon waffles," Henry said. "And a side of ham."

"I want scrambled eggs and cheese, sausage, and crispy fries," Hook answered.

"I want blueberry pancakes with bacon," Belle lisped.

"I want a western omelet with home fries, rye toast, and a side of corned beef hash," Neal recited.

"I think I want a Belgian waffle with strawberries and chocolate syrup and bacon," Emma mused. "How about you, Rumple?"

"Uh . . . I want Eggs Benedict," replied the little imp.

"Okay . . ." Emma raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know what I want," Regina muttered fretfully.

"You can look at the menu," Neal said softly.

The others were coloring quietly, all save Regina and Hook, who were restless. Neal rose and muttered, "Be back. I need the bathroom."

Just then Ruby went by with a tray laden with breakfast items for the table across from them. One of them was a plate with chipped beef on toast.

Regina eyed the plate and asked, "What's _that?"_ she pointed.

Hook looked and saw. "That? It's SOS."

"Huh?"

"Shit on a shingle," Hook elaborated, whispering it in the little girl's ear. It was what the pirates called it.

Regina turned up her nose. "I ain't eatin' shit."

Emma face-palmed herself. What was it with these kids and their mouths? She was sure she hadn't been half as bad!

"Ooo! You said a bad word!" cried Rumple.

"You're going to taste soap," Belle warned.

"_You're_ gonna get cooties," Regina shot back.

"Am not!"

"Are too. You kissed Rumple!"

"I'm not gonna get cooties kissing Rumple. Bae said you don't," Belle argued, giving Regina a look like she was an imbecile.

"Yeah you are...he lied."

Rumple scowled at her. "Bae doesn't lie. You do. Liar, liar pants on fire!"

"Oh, kiss my butt!" Regina said sassily.

"Ewww, gross!" Rumple made a face at her.

"You go kiss a frog," Belle told her.

"Ribbit! Ribbit!" Hook began making frog sounds.

"Shuddup, alkie!" Regina snapped, flushing.

"Up yours!" Hook replied.

"No, up yours, but it probably won't fit," declared the former Evil Queen.

Henry was dying of laughter in the corner by the window. Emma was studying the menu and sipping her cocoa, trying to tune out the quarreling so she didn't bang their heads together. Ruby set everyone's drink down and handed the kids menu around to each of them. "I'll be back in a minute. Take your time." She bit her lip to keep from busting out laughing. Regina was still as sassy as ever! Then she winked at Belle and went to take another table's order.

"Up what? Rumple, what they talking about?" Belle nudged him.

"Their butts," Rumple explained.

"Ewww!" Belle grimaced.

"Knock it off!" Emma snapped, her patience fraying.

Just then Neal came back from the bathroom and sat down. Hook eyed him curiously, then asked casually, "Didja drain the lizard?"

Henry almost spilled his cocoa all over, he was laughing so hard. Neal almost choked to death on his coffee.

"Hook!" Emma growled."What did I just say?"

"They still at it?" Neal asked, after he'd regained the power of speech.

"What the hell do you think, smart guy?"

"Ooo, you swore!"

"Don't you start, kid!" Emma glared at Rumple.

"I'm gonna pee my pants," giggled Henry.

"Ewww . . .go put on a Pull Up!" Regina cried.

"Least he ain't crappin' 'em," Hook remarked.

"I'm gonna commit myself!" Emma groaned.

"Get in line," Neal snorted.

"I'm recoding this on my phone, and sending this to America's Funniest Home Videos," announced Henry, smirking around his iPhone.

"NO!" his parents chorused in horror.

"But . .. we could get $10000, Dad! We'd be rich!"

"Oooh!" Regina clapped her hands.

"I wanna be rich!" Rumple cried.

"I wanna be rich so me n' Rumple can live in a big house with lotsa kids," Belle said dreamily.

"I'm gonna barf," Killian made a gagging noise.

"Go do it in the potty," Regina ordered imperiously. "Not on me!"

"Calgon, take me away!" Emma pleaded.

"They're coming to take me away, ha ha hee hee to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time!" Neal warbled the old song, figuring if this kept up that was a given.

"No, Bae! You ain't going away!" gasped Rumple.

Regina cocked her head. "What's the funny farm?"

"Duh . . . it's where they put the nuts," Hook rolled his eyes. Girls!

"Then guess where you're going?" Rumple asked saucily.

"Okay, now everybody quit it. Or you're all going in time out!" Neal ordered in his best imitation of his papa's _you're-getting-on-my-last-nerve_ voice.

"AWWW!" the four groaned.

Then Regina piped up, "_He_ started it,"—she pointed at Hook.

"And I'M finishing it! Don't make me count to three!" warned Neal.

There was dead silence at the table. Emma looked at him-"Wow! Where'd you learn that?"

"My papa," replied Neal, a trifle smugly.

Then Ruby returned. "Are you all ready to order?" she asked, smiling.

As Emma gave everyone's order, including Regina's for pancakes with apples on top and whipped cream and a side of bacon, she prayed she wouldn't lose her sanity. She really needed to start working on that potion ASAP!

Ruby came back with their food and for a few blessed minutes the only sound coming from the booth were the clinking of forks and chewing. The kids happily devoured their food like locusts.

Until Regina spit out her mouthful of apples and said disgustedly, "These ain't the right kinda apples! They's Granny Smith! You's supposed to use MacIntosh! Who made this anyway?"

"Umm . . . they look okay to me," Neal began, hoping to head off a tantrum.

Regina glared angrily at her plate and then at Emma and Neal. "They's gross! I want the right apples! I ain't eatin' this crap!"

"Hey, kid! There's poor kids starving in Africa!" Emma objected, repeating something she'd always heard when she was growing up in foster care.

"Then they can eat it!" Regina crossed her arms over her chest.

"But Regina! Yesterday you yelled at Snow for being picky," Belle pointed out.

"So? That was yesterday . . . and she had peanut butter and jelly, not these yucky sour apples!" griped the dark-haired child.

"Great! Now we have a picky eater!" Emma wanted to bang her head into a wall. "Okay . . . then we'll send this back and get something else. What would you like?"

"I don't know!"

"How about potato pancakes with applesauce?" she suggested. "Or waffles with bananas and maple syrup and cinnamon?"

Regina pouted. "The pancakes thingy. But it better be good! Else I'm leavin'!"

"Who do you think you are—the queen of Storybrooke?" demanded Rumple, getting irritated by her attitude.

"Yup! And don't you forget it, Mr. Gold!"

"Bite me!" Rumple sneered.

"Guys! Enough!" Emma sighed, then she signaled Ruby to come over so she could return Regina's food and get the applesauce and potato pancakes instead. This morning was off to a great start, she thought sarcastically.

**A/N: and thanks again to CJ! **


	4. WWF Grudge Match

**4**

**WWF Grudge Match**

Luckily, Regina actually liked the latkes and applesauce, and she ate her new breakfast without complaint. Afterwards, Emma took Neal's spare shop key and said she was going to go over to Gold's Pawnshop and see if she could find something in there that would tell her where she could get more of the ingredients to recreate the restorative cordial again, or perhaps there were substitutions that could be made. They decided while Emma was doing that, Neal, Henry, and the kids would go to the park.

"Maybe they'll burn off some of their crazy energy there," Emma said hopefully.

It wasn't that she didn't like the kids, but it was that she wasn't used to looking after four intrepid toddlers at one time, and she could use a mini break from them before she lost her temper. Though she had to admit sometimes they were plain adorable and they made her laugh her ass off, and other times . . . they made her want to check herself into an institution. And she'd only had them for a little over twelve hours! She wondered if this was how Henry would have behaved as a youngster and thought it was too bad she couldn't compare notes with Regina.

As they pulled up to the park, Neal saw some vendors parked on the street. There was a hot dog cart run by Bashful, and it also sold large pretzels, burgers, chicken nuggets, popcorn, and soda. And an ice cream truck run by Happy. _Well, that's good, because I'm sure the kids will be hungry again in about two hours,_ he thought. _And we can get lunch there._

They piled out of the car, after Neal and Emma undid their seat belts, and raced across the grass to the wooden castle with Henry.

"Oh, a castle!" Regina yelled, climbing up into it. "I'm the queen!"

"Figures!" Hook said to Rumple as they reached it.

"Yeah, she likes to be the boss," said the smaller boy. He hesitated in climbing the ladder though, since his lame leg made it difficult.

"Well, she ain't the boss of me!" declared Killian, and he swarmed up the ladder in a twinkling.

Belle, carrying the Once Upon a Time book, trotted up to Rumple and said, "You gonna go in the castle?"

Rumple bit his lip. "I dunno, Belle. My leg . . .it's not good with ladders."

"Oh, that's right," Belle said, looking at him. "So, whatcha gonna do?"

"Stay down here, I guess," he said glumly.

"You want to go in the castle too, Rumple?" asked Henry.

Rumple nodded eagerly.

"Okay, then I'll help you," the older boy said, and he picked up his grandpa and set him on the top of the jungle gym like structure.

Grinning, Rumple peered out of the castle at the whole park and yelled, "I'm the king of the world!" and held his arms up.

"And I'm the queen!" Belle yelled beside him.

"No, _I'm_ the queen!" Regina objected.

"You can have two queens," Belle said. "You can be the queen in your kingdom with Killian, and me n' Rumple will be king and queen in ours."

Hook rolled his eyes. "How come I get stuck with her? You just wanna play house together!"

"You can be my Lord of Adventure, Hook!" declared Regina. "And go on quests and stuff. Let them play house in their boring old kingdom."

"And read books," snorted the pirate.

"What's wrong with reading books?" Belle asked, sounding hurt.

"Nothing," Rumple reassured her. "They's just jealous 'cause they can't read yet, like you n' me can. Books are cool!"

Belle beamed. She loved her books. They had been her friends as a lonely little girl back in her papa's big palace. "We can have 'ventures too, Rumple."

"I know. We can be like Merlin and Nimue," he said stoutly. "And fight evil warlocks and bad sorceresses, like Morgan le Faye."

"Yay! Take that, you evil warlock!" Belle cheered, and she found an acorn cap lying on the floor of the castle and threw it down at the "warlock" below.

On the opposite side of the castle, Regina was pretending to hold court in her "throne room" and Hook was steering his "ship" with the big plastic wheel next to her.

Henry went over to a small wooden structure nearby and found an old baseball mitt and a ball he'd left there, it was where a lot of kids left stuff like that, and grabbed them up and called, "Hey, Dad! Let's play catch!"

So Neal and he walked a little ways away from the castle and began playing a game of catch while the toddlers played in the castle.

Belle served "tea" to Rumple with leaves they found on the ground and Hook fought off dastardly pirates with a stick he'd gotten. Regina conjured a small mirror and looked in it and said, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all! Me!"

Rumple rolled his eyes upon hearing that and muttered to Belle, "No, she's not! She just thinks she is! You're prettier, Belle!"

"You think I'm pretty?" Belle giggled.

He nodded. "Uh huh. For a girl." Then he clapped his hands and a flowered hat appeared.

Belle grinned and put it on. Then she twirled around. "Thanks, Rumple!"

"Aww! It's just a hat," Rumple said, blushing.

"I'm gonna puke!" Hook muttered. "It's like having three sisters!"

Rumple spun and glared at the other boy. "Well, _you're_ like having an idiot brother!"

"You wanna knuckle sandwich?" Hook growled, clenching his good hand.

"I'm not afraid of you!" Rumple snorted.

"Guys, let's not fight," Belle began. "We'll get in trouble."

That sobered the two boys up.

As Belle turned back around again, another child entered the park and ran over to the castle.

She was a bit older than them, around five, with long dark hair, and wearing a plaid blue and white uniform like they did in parochial or Catholic school and black and white saddle shoes. "Hey! What are you kids doing in _my_ castle?"

"Who says it's your castle?" Regina blurted.

"Yeah, it belongs to everybody!" Hook cried.

Rumple gasped. For he recognized this little girl. It was the Blue Fairy, he had been there when Emma had changed Blue into a child so Bae could teach her a lesson about beating helpless kids, and when Bae had spanked the daylights out of her in the office. And now she was back, like a bad penny.

Blue stalked over to the foot of the castle. "I was here first, so you babies buzz off!"

"You buzz off, you blue bug! You're like a wasp-no bloody use to anybody!" Rumple spat, his eyes narrowing in intense dislike.

"Oh, you think so, eh gimpy? Why doncha come down here and say that?" Blue taunted, her face screwing up in a sneer. "Or are you too scared?"

"You callin' me a coward?"

"Why not? It's what you are!" Blue laughed scornfully. "A coward crybaby!"

Just then Belle realized something. "Oh my goodness! It's HER!"

"Who?" Hook asked. Something about the snotty girl seemed vaguely familiar.

"Who invited you to this...bookworm?" demanded the five-year-old fairy.

"The Blue Butt Muncher!" Belle sang.

"Oh look, it's the whole crew. Gold Gimp, Pirate Pansy-ass, the Boring Bookworm and Queen Reject," snickered the fairy.

"Up yours, you blue fart knocker!" snapped Killian.

"Come on, wimpy Gold gimp! Let's see what you've got!"

"I'm gonna whip your butt! Just like Bae did!" threatened her smaller adversary.

"Yeah, and how'd you like THEM apples, sister?" Regina cackled.

"Really, Queen Reject of Stupidtardville? I could take you with one hand behind my back! How'd you like to be little wooden dolls?"

Rumple cracked his knuckles. "Any spell you can cast, I can cast better! I can do anything better than you!"

"Yeah, you're so dumb, you got kicked outta the slow class!" Regina giggled.

"I got a better idea...how about I make them dolls..." she pointed at Neal and Henry, who had just come back from getting some sodas and snacks over at Bashful's cart. "Think you can stop me, wimpy?"

"Bring it, Mother Butthole!" He rolled up his sleeves.

"Gladly," Blue smirked. She produced a wand, smiling gleefully.

"Rumple, she's got a wand!" Belle gasped.

Hook frowned. "Wonder where she got that?"

"Probably stole it! You hurt Henry and you're gonna be toe jam!" growled Regina, her eyes flashing angrily.

"Oh...I borrowed it from that dumbass Nova," the fairy answered. "She'll never even realize it's gone!"

Neal stared at Blue and the four toddlers in alarm. "Holy crap! What do we do?"

"Dad, it's like they're having a wizard's duel and we've got front row seats to it-WWF (World Wizard Fight) Golden Regal vs. Blue Butthole" and then he called up to Belle-"Go, Brave Bookworm Girl, and throw the book at her!"

"Henry, we've got to STOP this, not cheer them on . . ."

"How we gonna do that? You gonna put them in time out?"

"Uh . . . no, I mean yes . . .hell, I don't know . . .!"

"Dad, just sit down and watch the show. Here, I brought some popcorn." Henry pulled out the bag of popcorn and began to eat it.

"No way, I can't-hey you've got popcorn? Lemme have some!" He sat down just Blue sent a spell at Rumple.

Rumple waved a hand and her spell fizzled and died. "That was really good-for an idiot spellcaster!"

"I just got started!" Blue tossed her head. "Well, Evil Reject, if it's toe jam you want, how bout havin' some of your own?" She pointed her wand at Regina's feet.

Suddenly the dark-haired minx began hopping up and down. "Yuck! Foot fungus!"

"You need to get a book thrown on your head and squashed!" Belle cried, clutching the fairy tale book to her.

"You first!" She sent another spell at the air above Belle's head, conjuring a heavy book.

"Duck, Belle!" Rumple shouted and he banished it.

"Oooh...protecting your little girlfriend, crybaby?" Blue hooted. "Let's see...yeah..that'll work!"

She pointed the wand at Belle again and turned Belle's hair green. "Nice do!" Then she pointed at Belle and howled with laughter. Blue aimed the stolen wand at Belle again and casts, laughing hysterically as purple blotches appear on her skin.

"Look, it's the COOTIE-GRAS! Somebody's been kissing boys!"

"OMG! What's happened to me?" Belle wailed in horror.

Blue cackle wickedly as she cast at Rumple, who was doing his best to heal Belle. "Oh look...matching cooties!"

"You're a twisted butt-humping piss sucking monkey!" Rumple gritted out as purple spots erupted all over his face.

"Sticks and stones, gimp! Say it . . . .wimpy . . . I'm the best!"

Emma arrived at the park and made her way over to where her son and boyfriend were sitting. "Neal, what the HELL? It's like War of the Worlds here!"

"More like War of the Wizards," Henry corrected.

Emma glared at Neal. "And you're just sitting on your ass watching them clobber each other?"

"Hey, watch your mouth! There's kids here, Swan!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I noticed. Kids beating the spit out of each other."

"It's a grudge match. Now sit down here, babe, and watch my papa beat the tar outta that rotten blue bitch!" Bae said gleefully.

"Dad! Language!" His son reproved.

"Sorry . . ." Then he punched his fist in the air and screamed, "Go Golden Regal. Kick her butt!"

Blue snorted. Those stupid idiots. She'd wipe the playground with these amateurs.

Regina and Rumple climbed down the opposite side of the castle, and used it for cover, peering around it at their nemesis.

"Regina, let's tag team her," suggested Rumple.

"Tag team this, babies!" Blue yelled.

She waved the wand and a pair of dogs appeared, large mastiffs, of an indiscriminate brown color that barked loudly and strings of drool dripped from their jaws.

"Uh oh!" Regina cried, her eyes wide.

"They look nasty!" Hook muttered.

"Ohhh boys . . .fetch!" Blue ordered.

"Aww! They're like big puppies!" Belle said. She liked their wrinkled and squished faces.

The two dogs snarl nastily at the two neophyte magicians.

"And puppies like bones! Good thinking, Belle!" Rumple called, then conjured huge bones and sent them towards the mastiffs.

The dogs smelled the meaty bones and delightedly grabbed them and trotted away to eat them, ignoring Blue's commands to attack and eat Regina and Rumple.

"You little . . .all right . . how about this!"

She waved the wand and a bunch of snakes appeared and slithered towards them, rattlesnakes, copperheads, and cobras all in row.

"Snakes to sticks!" Rumple cried and some of the snakes became sticks.

"And now we charm 'em!" Regina screeched, then conjured a magical flute that played a tune to charm the snakes.

The snakes curled up, harmless as the flute played a soothing aria, and then they vanished in a puff of smoke.

"That the best you got, Blue buttcrack?" Regina hooted.

Blue stomped her foot angrily.

"Regina, let's get her!" urged Rumple.

"Not if I get your little girlfriend first . . . ohhh, Belle . . .Rumple's calling for ya." The little troublemaker pointed her stolen wand at Belle up in castle.

"Okay! Hey Mother Butthole-how about these apples!" Regina waved a hand and a tree suddenly came alive and threw some crabapples at Blue.

" I HATE APPLES!"shrieked the little fairy as the apples pelted her, and she whirled and blasted the tree with her wand, causing it to wither and die.

"Whoo hoo! Now just get her to come near here, Rumple!" Belle called down to him, and showed him the fairy tale book.

Catching on, Rumple nodded. "I can do that! Hey, Butt Muncher! Remember this? You used one on me, now I can do the same to you!" He conjured a large wooden paddle with the words Attitude Adjuster on it and sent it after the naughty fairy.

The paddle swooped down and whacked her hard on the behind.

"Owwww!" yelped Blue, trying to cover her backside as the paddle came for her again. She turned to run, hollering, ". . . oooh you just wait . . . I'm gonna skin you, Rumplestiltskin!"

"Yeah! Whip her butt!" cheered Henry from the sidelines, munching on a bag of popcorn.

Blue banished the paddle, her face red and swore at Rumple.

Then she stood under the castle, wand poised, ready to make a certain little bookworm a book worm in the literal sense.

Rumple felt the dark emanations from the wand before she cast the transformation spell. "No you don't!" and he conjured a shield around Belle that bounced the spell off it.

"Why you little crippled coward!" She shook her fist at Rumple, who made an insulting gesture back at her.

"There's nothing so funny as watching her make an ass outta herself!" whooped Killian, then he came down the ladder also to jeer at her. Getting an idea, he turned around and pulled his pants down and mooned the fairy.

"And that's what we think of you, dearie!"

Blue turned red as a pomegranate. She clenched her fists and snarled, "How d'you like _this_, Pansy-ass?"

Suddenly a red rash of poison ivy appeared on Hook's butt.

"Ahhh!" wailed the little boy and began scratching his butt frantically.

"Don't do that, you stupid jerk!" shouted Regina. "You's gots a rash! You'll make it worse!"

"Whatsa matter, Hookie . . . got ants in your pants?" taunted Blue, giving him one of her patented snooty looks.

"Shut up you reject from an ogre's ass," growled Killian, flushing and trying not to scratch.

Blue grinned. "I rule and you suck!"

"C'mere!" Rumple beckoned to Hook, who ran over and Rumple put a hand on his lower back and healed the poison ivy. "Okay?"

"Thanks, mate!"

Blue gave a diabolical sneer and pointed the wand again, giving him poison ivy in another more sensitive area.

Hook's eyes widened in horror. "Rumple . . . mate . . . it's down there!"

"How's that, you turd?" whooped the fairy.

"Aww, crap! Gimme a sec!" Rumple sighed.

Hook put a hand to his private, whimpering. "Please . . . hurry!"

"Why don't you share?" Blue waved her wand at Rumple, giving him his own case of poison ivy.

Rumple started scratching too, almost driven insane by the itching.

"Looks like you've got the itchies!" cooed Blue.

"Hey, Mistress Butt Ugly-how about looking like horse manure!" Regina challenged, trying to buy Rumple some time to heal himself and Hook. She gestured and concentrated, making Blue break out in chicken pox.

"Ahhhh!" shrieked the little wretch, and began scratching everywhere.

"That little mother—" Rumple half-swore, then concentrated hard and cured himself and then Hook.

"Way to go, mate! Now finish her!"

Blue waved her wand and cured her chicken pox. "No more Miss Nice Fairy! I'm gonna wipe the floor with you brats!" She pointed the wand again and shot fire at Rumple and Regina.

They danced backwards and stuck their tongues out at her. "Nyah nyah nyah! Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss my butt!" Regina warbled.

An incensed Blue stalked after them, and they ducked behind the castle, luring her in.

"Where are you, you little pieces of shit?" she growled, searching for them.

As the fairy child paused, wand in hand, Belle thought, _now she's close enough, _and then she dropped the Once Upon a Time book on Blue's head.

"It's squashed blue bug!" cheered Regina.

Blue fell to the ground, moaning in pain.

Rumple high-fived Regina, then grinned up at Belle. "Guess you showed her, Belle!"

"Yay, Brave Bookworm Girl!" Henry whooped.

"Oowwww...you cheated!"

"All's fair in love and war, Bitchy!" Hook called.

"Kid, watch the mouth! Swear to God, I'm getting out the Ivory when we get back home!" Neal snapped.

The fairy clutched her aching head, and the wand fell out of her hand.

A keen-eyed Rumple saw his chance and beckoned and the wand slid over to him and he picked it up.

"Gimme that back, you asshole!" spat Blue, and she ran over to Rumple and kicked him hard in the leg.

Rumple yelped, but kept hold of the wand.

"Potty mouth!" yelled the former mayor, and she promptly conjured soap in her opponent's mouth.

"I . . . aghkk . . . mmmbbll . . ." sputtered Blue, spitting soap and gagging incoherently.

Blue spit out the soap and glared at them. "You just wait, one of these days I'm gonna kick your butts to China!"

"Really? Not if I kick yours first, butthole!" sneered Rumple, and he conjured the paddle again.

Blue shrieked loudly as the paddle walloped her backside hard. She ran around the castle, and the paddle flew after her, beating her behind.

"Ooh! Aaoow! OOOWWWW!"

Unable to banish it like she had last time, Blue fled, running as fast as she could with the paddle in hot pursuit, across the park and down the street.

"We are the champions!" Henry sang, pumping both fists in the air.

"Golden Regal rules!" Hook whooped, and did a victory dance.

Belle climbed down the ladder and hugged Rumple. "You were great, Rumple!" she said.

"You too!" he grinned, then he kissed her cheek.

"Umm . . .you guys are _gross_!" groaned Regina. "I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"Oh, hush up!" Hook smirked, then he deliberately kissed her on the cheek.

Regina screwed up her face. "Ugh! Yuck! Get hot water! Get some iodine! Ick! I've been kissed by a boy! I've got boy germs!"

Rumple and Belle started laughing.

Just then Nova appeared and came over to them. "Oh, thank goodness you found it!" she explained. "I almost died when I found out it was missing! May I please have my wand back, Rumple?"

"Sure, Nova! Just make sure Blue doesn't filch it next time," Rumple handed it to her.

Nova went white. "Blue . . . _stole_ my wand?"

"Umm . . . yeah . . . that's how it got here," explained Rumple.

"She attacked us and started a duel," Regina said. "But we kicked her little blue fanny!"

"I'm so sorry!" Nova apologized. "She's been impossible since she was deaged . . . not that she wasn't before but . . . err . . . thank you . . . I'll be going now. I need to find her and . . . and make her understand the error of her ways."

"Good luck with that," Emma laughed. Then she stared at the four children. "Okay . . . _what_ were you all thinking, fighting a duel with that bratty fairy?"

"We had to, Emma," protested Regina. "She was gonna turn Henry into a wooden doll."

"And Bae too," Rumple defended. "So we had to stop her. Because nobody hurts our best friends."

"Yeah!" Belle said fiercely, picking up the book from the ground.

"Right on, bookworm girl!" agreed Hook.

"You did good, munchkins," Neal laughed. Then he went and picked up Rumple and put him on his shoulder. "Aaand it's Mr. Gold for the win! Yeah!" He paraded around with his hands in the air, spinning around with Rumple and laughing like a loon.

Henry picked up Regina and did the same.

Emma watched and shook her head. "You two are nuts!" Then she grabbed Belle and Hook's hands and skipped in a circle. "Oh, what the heck? We can all be nuts together!"

After they'd spun themselves dizzy, Emma put a hand to her head and asked, "Okay, who wants lunch?"

"ME!" they all chorused.

"Then let's go get some," the sheriff called, and led the way over to the vendors.

Only she had forgotten one thing. The ice cream truck was still parked next to Bashful's cart.

Regina saw it and immediately cried, "I want ice cream!"

Emma sighed. She should have expected this. "No ice cream before we've eaten lunch."

Regina pouted. "I want ice cream for lunch!"

"No can do, kid. Food first," Emma said firmly.

"You're mean!" the little girl sulked, giving Emma her Royal Awful face.

"Kid, now stop giving me a hard time. Look, there's hot dogs, burgers, and chicken nuggets here. You can have ice cream afterwards."

"I want a hot dog!" cried Killian. "With ketchup!"

"I want a burger with fries, please," Belle requested politely.

"You scream, I scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!" bellowed Rumple as he caught sight of the big chocolate ice cream cone on the side of the truck.

"Sing it Rumple!" Regina encouraged.

Neal shook his head and put his hands on his hips. "Rumplestiltskin Gold! You know the rules!"

"Aww, Bae!" whined Rumple.

"But we want ice cream and you're mean too," Regina snapped.

"You can have some, AFTER you eat lunch. So, what would you like to have?" Neal asked.

"Ice cream!" Regina yelled.

"A burger with fries, please," Belle repeated.

"Hot dog!" Hook answered.

"Umm . . . I'll have a burger too," Rumple said quietly.

Regina blew a raspberry at Rumple. "You suck! Traitor!"

"Hey! I ain't gettin' time out 'cause of you, Miss Bossypants!" the small sorcerer stated, then he crossed his eyes and made a face at her.

"You just wanna impress your little girlfriend!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"You're a brat!"

"You're henpecked," Regina said bossily.

"What's that?" Belle asked, puzzled.

"He's a sissy cause he does what YOU tell him to do," she informed the other girl. "You can't play house anymore, Rumple. Cause Belle's gonna wear the pants in your house."

"You're just jealous 'cause you don't HAVE anybody to play house with!" snorted Rumple. "Only you won't say so!"

"I don't wear pants! I like dresses," Belle pointed out.

Regina crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't wanna play house, it's stupid. I wanna be a _queen! _And queens answer to NOBODY!"

"And nobody cares!" Hook mocked.

"Shove it, sailor boy!"

Hook stuck his tongue out at her.

Regina blew another raspberry.

"Well _this_ queen is gonna answer to _me_. Now, let's try this again, young lady. What do you want to eat for lunch? And if you say nothing-then you get no ice cream. So . . .what's it gonna be?" Emma asked sternly.

The former queen gulped hard. She really did want her ice cream, but Emma had this look on her face, like she wanted to under arrest her, and Regina decided not push her luck. "Ummm . . . can I have chicken nuggets?"

"Yes. And you want fries and a Coke with that?" Neal asked.

"Yeah," Regina nodded.

Henry wiped imaginary sweat from his brow. "Phew! I thought we were gonna have a meltdown there," he muttered to his father.

"So far, we've been lucky," Neal said, then he went to place the order for the food.

They all ate sitting under the trees on the lawn, and after they were done, Emma got them all ice cream cones. Cookie dough for Hook, cookies and cream for Belle, S'mores for Henry, chocolate for Rumple, cherry chocolate swirl for Regina, Reeses peanut butter cup for Neal, and she had Heavenly Hash.

Once they all had their cones, Regina said, "Okay, everybody! Sing it!" Then they all shouted, "You scream, I scream, we all scream for—**ice cream! Yay!"**

Happy looked over at the four toddlers, Emma, Henry, and Neal and shook his head. "By the time they're done, they're gonna need more than ice cream . . . they're gonna need therapy!"

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the duel with Blue! Thanks again, CJ! Up next . . . a few more mishaps and someone gets in real trouble! Who do you think it is?**


	5. Lessons Learned

**5**

**Lessons Learned**

**A/N: This chapter's a little more serious, hope you like! Thanks for all your lovely comments!**

Once they had all finished their ice cream, the kids were sleepy, and Emma opted to go back home and have them take a nap while she discussed what she had found out about the potion in the magical texts from Gold's shop with Neal. "They need a nap," she muttered to Neal, who was carrying a dozing Rumple over to the car.

"So do we," he chuckled as he placed Rumple in the backseat and put the seatbelt on him.

"You won't get any argument from me there," Emma yawned. She felt like she'd been run over by a semi on the freeway.

They arrived back at the apartment and put all the kids down for a nap. Once that was done, Emma was going to talk about the potion, but she happened to lie down on the couch next to Neal and before they knew it, sleep ambushed them. Even Henry fell asleep playing video games on his TV, with the controller in his hand, sprawled in his beanbag chair.

The children slept for two hours, exhausted from their duel at the park with Blue, but then they awakened and were eager to be up and about, or at least Hook and Regina were. Rumple was still feeling tired and a little cranky, and Belle, who was normally a quiet child, was content to lie next to him and begin to read some of the fairy tale book to them.

But Regina and Hook soon grew bored, and Killian got up and wandered about the apartment, peering into Henry's room, where the TV was still playing the theme song to a Nascar race game.

"Neat!" said the former pirate. "How do you play this game?"

Regina shrugged, she had no idea. "I don't know." She spied the controllher in Henry's hand. "I think maybe . . . that thing there does something." She pointed to the controller.

"Yeah," Hook said, and he slipped the controller out of Henry's hand and began pushing the buttons, not really knowing what he was doing.

Suddenly the game unpaused and Killian found himself watching a car going around a track. "Whoa! Look at this, mate!" he called to Regina.

"Better be careful, or you're gonna crash," she told him.

"Yeah, like you know how to play this," he snorted, and pushed another button.

"Hey! How come you're touching Henry's game?" asked Rumple, as he came to see what the two were getting so excited about.

"We're bored . . . and this was right here so I decided to play it," Hook said, and pushed more buttons. "See, queenie, I haven't died yet!"

Rumple frowned. Even he knew Hook shouldn't be touching things like this. "You shouldn't be doing this," he began softly. "It's bad."

Killian shot him a glare. "Stuff it, Goody-two-shoes Gold! I'll play if I want to!" He guided the car around another turn.

"You ain't supposed to!" Rumple insisted. "Henry asked you not to last time you were here, the other day." When they had first come to the apartment, Henry had shown them his room and the TV with the game system, and had asked them not to touch it unless he was there to watch them.

"He never said I couldn't play this game," insisted Hook.

"Did too! He said not to touch unless he was watching!" Rumple scowled.

"And he is . . . he just doesn't know it!" Hook smirked. "Now either watch or get out!"

"No! You're gonna break something!" Rumple snapped. "Henry—" he began, trying to wake up the older boy so he could have help in stopping the naughty pirate.

"Shut up, you little tattletale!" Regina put in.

"No, I'm not! You're gonna get in big trouble!" Rumple predicted.

"Only if you don't keep your fat mouth shut!" returned Hook.

Rumple turned, holding onto his cane, and called, "Henry, wake up! Hook's touching your things!"

Henry stirred, and Hook turned on Rumple.

"I said shuddup!" the larger boy ordered, and then he went to put his hand over Rumple's mouth.

"Lemme alone, you jackass!" Rumple yelled, trying to get away from the bigger boy.

"You little rat!" spat Hook angrily, and then he pushed Rumple hard.

Rumple staggered and fell backwards . . . hitting his head on the foot of Henry's bed and landing on the floor.

A big lump formed on the back of the little boy's head, and at first he was too stunned to cry.

He lay there, sniffling, until he felt the pain start, then he started crying hard.

"You idiot! Why'd you push him like that?" Regina said, frowning at Killian. "You made him get hurt!"

"He wouldn't shut up!" Hook cried. "He was gonna tell, the big baby!"

"Rumple? What's going on?" Belle asked, coming into the room. When she caught sight of the child on the floor, holding his head and crying, she ran over to him. "Oh, no! Did you fall?" she gasped.

Rumple shook his head. "Hook . . . _shoved_ me . . . and I hit my head . . . and it hurts really bad . . .!"

Belle gaped at him. Then she clenched her little fists and screamed, "You rotten bully! You hurt Rumple! Why'd you do it?"

Killian shrank from her. "I . . . I . . . just wanted him to shut up, the tattletale." He held the controller in one hand. "Now look what you made me do! I died!" His car had crashed.

"You hurt Rumple!" Belle yelled angrily. "And now _I'm_ telling, you stupid fartface!" Then she ran into the den, yelling, "Bae! Emma! Hook pushed Rumple down and hurt him!"

Hook scowled, sensing that he'd gone too far, but still angry and not wanting to admit he was wrong. "She's a tattler too!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "And _you're_ in serious trouble . . . and I'm leavin'! Good going, Jonesie!"

She went to leave the room, just as Neal entered, still sleepy, but having been woken up by Belle screaming something about Rumple being hurt. "What the hell's going on?" he demanded, seeing Hook with the controller, Rumple lying on the floor, crying, and Henry still sleeping.

"Rumple, buddy, are you okay?" he knelt by the stricken child.

"Bae, my head hurts!" whimpered Rumple.

"Let me see, okay?" Neal gently leaned the child forward so he could see the back of his head. "Aww, damn! You've got a nice bump there, buddy! Looks like it needs some ice. What happened? You trip and fall?"

"N-No. Hook pushed me," Rumple sniffled.

Before Neal could say anything, Hook interrupted, "_He_ started it! He was being a little tattletale!"

Neal locked eyes with the unrepentant boy. "Oh, really? What was he going to tell on you for?" He eyed the controller knowingly. "Was it maybe touching Henry's game system?"

Hook dropped the controller. "I . . . just wanted to see it . . ." he sulked. "I was bored!"

"That doesn't give you the right to push him!" Neal said angrily. "Now look what happened! I know Emma's told you before not to push people, Killian."

"Yeah, but—"

"But nothing, mister!"

"Bae, he's a big bully!" Belle snapped, coming to stand near Rumple anxiously.

"I am not!" argued Hook. "He deserved it for being a bratty tattletale!"

Neal's jaw clenched. "That's where you're wrong, young man. But I'll deal with you later. Go and stand in the corner and no back talk." He pointed to a corner of the room. "_Now_, Mr. Jones!"

Hook slouched over to the wall and faced it. This was so unfair! He wouldn't have pushed Rumple if the other boy hadn't been going to tell on him.

Neal gently picked up Rumple and brought him into the kitchen, where he set him in a chair and filled a little Ziploc with crushed ice. He wrapped it in a dish towel and put Rumple on his lap and hugged him, saying, "It's gonna be okay, buddy. Here's some ice to numb it and make the swelling go down." He considered waking Emma and asking if she thought they should bring Rumple to the hospital, but figured he'd wait a bit and see if the swelling went down and maybe Emma could heal him. He really didn't relish going to the ER with four toddlers.

Rumple buried his head in Neal's shirt and wept a bit more. Neal held the ice on his head and rubbed Rumple's back with one hand, thinking about how he used to come and get hugged and fixed up by Rumple when he was little and had gotten scraped and beaten up by mean kids or fallen down exploring in the woods. "You're gonna be okay, Rumple. How do you feel now? A little better?"

"Uh huh. Bae . . . am I bad for telling on Hook?" Rumple asked, looking at his protector.

Neal shook his head. "No, you're not. Hook shouldn't have been touching Henry's controller. And he never should have knocked you down, either," Neal said heatedly. "I'm going to have a really serious _talk_ with him about bullying people . . . and he's going to be in serious trouble too."

"Rumple, are you okay?" Belle came into the kitchen, worry written all ove_r _her little face. "Are you hurt bad?"

"Um . . . I just . . . got a bump on my head," Rumple said. "It hurt a lot, but now it's not too bad."

"Good," Belle said with relief. "Hook's mean! He shouldn't have knocked you down!"

Neal sighed. _That_ was something he needed to address, but he didn't want to leave Rumple alone. "Belle, see if you can wake up Emma. Tell her what happened and that I need her to stay with Rumple while I go and handle Hook."

"Okay!" Belle ran back into the den.

Regina came into the kitchen and asked, "Is Rumple hurt bad?"

"Not too bad," Neal answered.

"Oh," the former mayor looked thoughtful. "You gonna beat Hook's butt?"

Neal's mouth tightened. "That's between me and him, Regina. But yes, he is going to be in trouble, and I'm going to make sure he understands how wrong it is to do what he did . . . no matter what the reason." He continued holding the ice on Rumple's head.

Regina nodded. "Yup, you're gonna," she muttered. She peered at Rumple. "Are you gonna lose your mind now?"

"Huh?" he looked at her, puzzled.

"You know, because you fell down and hit your head," she explained. "Are your brains gonna dribble outta your ears?"

Rumple shook his head. "No!" Then he looked at Neal for confirmation. "Right, Bae? I'm not losing my mind."

"No, you're not hurt bad enough, little buddy," Neal reassured him.

"Neal? What the heck happened?" Emma called, coming into the kitchen. "Belle woke me up and said Rumple was hurt and you needed me to watch him while you dealt with Hook."

"That's right, babe," Neal explained what had happened. "So, can you sit here with him while I deal with our problem child?"

"Yeah. C'mere, kid," Emma said, and Neal placed Rumple in her arms and gave her the ice pack. "Hmm . . . that's a nice bump there. Reminds me of one I got. I hit my head on a coffee table when I was little. Tripped over my foster dad's shoes."

"You think we ought to take him to see a doctor?" Neal asked, concerned.

Emma looked at Rumple closely. "Well . . . his eyes aren't dilated or anything. I'd watch him for the next few hours though."

"I don't wanna go to the doctor," Rumple whimpered fearfully. "Emma, can you heal me?"

Emma felt her heart go out to the injured little boy. "Uh . . . I don't know if I can. I've . . . never done it before, Rumple."

His little hand crept into hers as he nestled against her. "I . . . can tell you how . . . please . . . I don't wanna go to the doctor . . ."

"Umm . . . okay, kid . . . what do I do?" Emma said, willing to try.

As Rumple began to coach Emma on how to use her magic to heal, Neal went back into Henry's room to deal with Killian.

The dark-haired boy had not stirred from the corner, but when Neal entered, he snapped, "You ain't my daddy!"

"No, I'm not. But I am taking care of you, and I'm like your foster parent," the older man said sternly. "And you have to listen to what I tell you."

Hook pouted. "Rumple started it! He shouldn't have told on me! I wasn't doing nothing!"

Neal scowled. "Now, you're lying, and we both know it. You know you weren't supposed to touch Henry's controller. Now come with me."

Before Hook could protest again, Neal took him into his bedroom, where he set the boy on the bed, and then sat down next to him. "Now, let's get one thing straight, young man. _Rumple_ didn't get you in trouble. _You_ got yourself in trouble by doing two things that were wrong—touching something that didn't belong to you, and pushing Rumple and making him hit his head. So I don't want to hear any excuses like he started it and it was his fault. You did something wrong, now you own up to it like a man and take your punishment, am I clear?"

Killian's eyes widened at the sudden uncompromising stern tone. "But . . . but Bae . . ."

"No! Like I said before, but _nothing_!" Neal reiterated firmly. "What you did was act like a bully, and I won't have that in my home. Were you supposed to play with Henry's game system?"

"No . . . but . . . I was bored . . ."

"Doesn't matter," Neal cut him off. "Were you supposed to push Rumple?"

"No," the little boy admitted.

"What _should_ you have done?"

"Uh . . . ignored Rumple?"

"You shouldn't have pushed Rumple, yes, but you also should have stopped playing with Henry's game without his permission," Neal told him. "But because you didn't do that, and you chose to do otherwise, now you're in trouble."

Killian's lower lip trembled. "I'm sorry."

"Good. You should be. You could have seriously hurt Rumple. Like made him go to the hospital. Over a stupid argument. You're going to apologize to him too. After your punishment."

"What—what are you gonna do?"

"What my papa did to me once when I got mad at my friend and pushed her down," Neal said sharply. Then he pulled Hook across his lap. He gave the little boy four swats, one for each year of his age and one for remembrance, ignoring the child's sobs. Though he only gave four spanks, he made sure they were firm ones, to emphasize the lesson.

Afterwards, he said, "Next time remember this and don't ever push anyone again, understand?"

"Y-yes, sir!" hiccupped the now remorseful youngster.

"Okay, now be good and don't make me do this again," Neal said, and then he hugged the child, which was what his papa had always done to him after any punishment, to show that he forgave his son.

Killian put his head on Neal's shoulder and cried a little, his bottom stung, and he found he was now ashamed of himself. He hadn't meant to hurt Rumple . . . not really.

Neal sighed and patted Hook's back, wondering if this way the way his papa had felt when Rumple had punished him as a boy.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Emma was concentrating, trying to visualize Rumple's head wound healed and using her desire to help the boy to give her magic a boost. Rumple had told her it was simply a matter of wanting someone to get better and then _wishing_ hard.

Emma bit her lip. Maybe it was simple for him, she thought, but then even as a little kid, she felt that Rumple was stronger magically than she was. She lowered the ice pack and cupped his head in her palm.

"Shoot, kid, this is harder than I thought. You make it look easy."

Rumple sighed. "It _is_. Just wish it better. I can't, I hurt too much," he groaned.

"Okay. Let's try this again," Emma said, and she closed her eyes, seeing Rumple's head whole and well, and then she _wished_ for him to get well with all of her heart.

And this time the magic responded, coming from her fingers in a golden glow that swept over him and healed the bump and anything else that had been hurt on him.

"I did it!" she cried, and then she hugged Rumple, grinning like a fool.

"Thanks, Emma!" Rumple said, and then his little arms wound around her neck and hugged her back. "I knew you could do it! You just hadta _believe_."

Emma found herself blinking back tears as she held the small boy, thinking that one simple act had bound her forever to the child in her arms, and from now on he wasn't Mr. Gold, but _Rumple_, and no longer a stranger, but family.

A few minutes later, Neal came into the kitchen with Killian, and he looked at Emma and said, "You heal him, Em?"

"She did, Bae! I'm all better now!" Rumple cried, and then he turned and held out his arms to Neal.

Neal picked him up, then knelt and said, "Rumple, Killian has something he wants to say to you."

"I'm sorry I pushed you, Rumple. I . . . I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

Rumple nodded. "Okay."

"Truce, mate?" Killian held out a hand.

"Truce," Rumple agreed, shaking it. "But you hurt me again and I'll magic your butt!"

"I won't!" Killian said, and then he scampered back into Henry's room to see if the older boy was awake yet.

Emma looked speculatively at Neal. "Guess whatever you did worked."

"Yeah, well, I just did what my papa did once. And it worked on him as well as it ever did on me," Neal said.

"I'm gonna go get changed. You want to start dinner?" Emma asked.

"Sure, what do you want to make?" asked Neal.

"Uh, how about macaroni and cheese, some salad, and some dinner rolls?"

"Sounds good to me," Neal nodded. Still holding Rumple, he went to the pantry to get out a box of Kraft.

As he set the box on the counter, Emma departed, to get changed into other clothes, since she was kind of sweaty. Rumple looked at Neal and said quietly, "Did you whip Hook's butt?"

Neal eyed his father, and saw that the little boy looked upset. He went and sat down with him on the couch in the den.

Regina and Belle were playing on the mattress with Rumple's bear and Belle's rag doll.

"Yes, I spanked him," Neal told him quietly.

Rumple bit his lip. He knew the other boy deserved it, but it still made him uncomfortable, especially in light of what Blue had done to him in her office. "If . . . if you spanked me . . . it'd hurt me."

Neal bit his lip, thinking he'd better never be put in that position. "Well, yeah, but . . . it'd hurt me more than it would you."

"Why?"

"Because I would hate doing it, but I'd have to in order to teach a lesson."

Rumple thought about that for a minute. "Miss Blue _liked_ when she spanked me. I know she did."

"That's because she's a mean and nasty tyrant. But I didn't spank Killian to be mean," Neal elaborated.

"Oh," Rumple said, a little crease in his forehead. "Is that what your papa told you when he spanked you?"

Neal's mouth quirked at that question. "What makes you think he spanked me?"

"You were never bad?" Rumple asked, giving him a look that spoke volumes.

"Uh . . . I wish I could say yes, but . . . I can't. Sometimes I was bad, and when I needed it, my papa spanked me," he admitted wryly.

"And did he say it hurt him more than you?"

"All the time," Neal chuckled. "He also always asked me if I'd learned my lesson. I did . . . that time at least. He always told me he was sorry he had to spank me and he begged me not to make him do it again, but . . . I forgot sometimes."

"Did you love your papa, Bae?"

"Yeah. More than anything," Neal replied sincerely.

"I . . . I tried to love mine, but . . . he was always telling me to get lost . . . I was in the way . . . and then he left me 'cause he didn't want me no more . . ." Rumple said sadly, his lower lip trembling.

Neal felt his heart break for the terrible hurt in the little boy's eyes . . . and he wondered how he had ever thought his papa could abandon him . . . anger had clouded his judgment . . . but no longer . . . especially not now, when he knew what he did about Rumple's past. "You don't worry about that anymore, okay?" he said, his voice slightly hoarse. "Because I will _never_ do that. Cross my heart."

Rumple sighed in relief. "Good . . . cause I love you, Bae!" Then he hugged Bae tight.

"Love you too, Rumple. Forever and ever. You're my little buddy, right?"

"I'm your _best_ buddy!" Rumple assured him.

"And don't you forget it," Neal smiled and tapped Rumple's nose.

Rumple giggled and snuggled against Neal.

Emma and Henry watched from the hallway, and Henry said quietly, "I guess that's what it would've been like growing up with him, huh?"

Emma put her arm about him. "I think it would've been, kid." She smiled dreamily. Neal was a good man and he would be a good father . . . was a good father.

"Well, at least he's here now," Henry remarked, thinking he was lucky.

Suddenly Regina looked up and saw Rumple snuggling and hugging Neal. "I want Bae hugs!" she declared and ran over to them.

"Me too!" Belle said, not wanting to be left out.

"Yeah, me three!" Henry cried, and went and jumped on the couch next to his father and grandpa.

"Group hug!" Emma grinned, and then she came and they all hugged each other. For a moment, Emma wished she had a camera handy. Or her phone, which was on the kitchen counter.

Hook was watching from the hall, and he rolled his eyes and muttered. "You're all sissies."

As the others drew away, including Rumple, Neal looked at the mischievous boy and said discerningly, "You want one of your own?"

"You . . . mean it?" Hook asked, astonished.

"C'mere, rascal!" Neal said, and he grabbed the boy in a hug.

"Help! He's got me . . . I'm being hugged to death . . ." giggled Killian.

"Give him tickle torture, Bae!" Rumple smirked.

"Yeah, the Tickle Monster!" whooped Regina.

"Grrr! I'm the tickle monster and I'm gonna tickle all of you!" Neal growled fiercely.

Then he released Hook and lunged at Belle.

"Ahhh!" Belle shrieked in pretend fear. "Emma! Help! The Tickle Monster cometh!"

Emma raised an eyebrow. "This kid reads too much Shakespeare!"

Then she growled too. "Grrr! I'm the monster's mate and we'll tickle them all till they laugh themselves silly!"

"Can't catch me!" said Regina sassily. "Can't catch me!" Then she ran across the den, giggling.

"Oh yes, I can!" Emma cried, and then she stomped after Regina.

"Rumple . . . when we get big, can we be tickle monsters too?" Belle asked, smiling.

"Uh huh. And I'll be the best one!" Rumple smirked, then he went and tickled Henry.

"Oh my God! He's gonna make me pee myself!" his grandson howled, for Rumple's little hands found all his most ticklish spots with lightning speed. Henry collapsed on the couch, laughing. "Dad—help!"

"You're on your own this time, kid!" Neal snickered, knowing better than to go up against the Tickle Master.

"Yeah, cause I'm gonna make you pee!" Killian sniggered, and went to tickle Neal's ribs.

"Oh no!"

Everyone died laughing tickling each other.

When they finally regained their breath, Emma said, "Okay, now I'm starving."

"Uh . . . I was going to make macaroni and cheese, but . . ." Neal said a little sheepishly.

"Forget it. I don't want to wait that long," Emma said. "So what's everybody want?"

"PIZZA!" they all chorused.

"Okay. And I want cavatelli with broccoli. Neal, where's the number to the pizza place?"

"It's on your phone, Ma." Henry reminded her.

"Duh! My brain's all fried from all that tickling," Emma laughed, and went to get her phone.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

After they had all eaten, Emma decided it might be a good idea for the kids to have a bath. "It might make them sleepy," she said to Neal.

"And we could use some sleep," he admitted.

Upon hearing that dreaded word, Hook made a disgusted face. "Aww, I don't want no bath!"

"How come?" asked Belle, puzzled. She loved baths.

"Cause I don't need one!" Killian said stubbornly.

"Yeah you do," Regina insisted. "Otherwise you stink!"

"Do not. I took a bath last month," Hook declared, his chin jutting out.

"Eeeww! Last _month!_ That's so 'sgusting!" Regina looked like she was going to barf. "You needs to have a bath every _day!_"

"Or every other day," Rumple put in, also looking grossed out.

"Then you get sick and die," Hook stated.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "No, you don't, dummy! You get sick and die if you don't clean yourself . . . cause you can get germs!"

"You mean cooties?" Belle queried.

"Yeah," Regina agreed.

Belle wrinkled her nose. "Eeew . . . Hook, go take a bath!"

"Cause I see one crawling in your hair," Regina cried.

"Yuck! Emma, he's got cooties in his hair!" Belle shouted.

"They're gonna hafta shave him bald," predicted Rumple.

"Huh?" now Hook looked alarmed. "Says who?" He scratched his head, because suddenly his scalp felt itchy.

"Where's the turpentine?" Belle asked.

"What's that?" Hook wanted to know.

"Stuff they kill cooties with. My nurse said so," explained Belle.

"Can't Rumple just zap 'em?" Killian asked.

"Yeah . . . if you want to have fried brains," the little sorcerer pointed out.

"Forget it!" said the pirate quickly.

"See? This is what happens when you don't have good hygiene," lectured Belle.

"What's hygiene?" asked Killian.

"When you brush your teeth, wash your hands, and take baths," Belle recited. "Oh and comb your hair and wear new clothes."

"Nobody has cooties and nobody's zapping anyone," Emma said, coming into the den just in time to hear what they were discussing.

"Aww! I wanted to see Hook's brain get fried!" Regina pouted.

"I'd like to see _your_ brain get fried, and a zombie eat it!" Hook retorted.

"You're grosser than gross," Regina said, turning up her nose. "You look like a monkey . . . and you smell like one too!"

"Well, _you _look like an ogre's fat warty butt!" snapped Killian.

"Knock it off!" Emma ordered. "Or do I have to count to three?"

"No! We'll be good!" Regina said hastily. "Can I have a bath first?"

"Yes. You and Belle first," Emma said, and then she went and fetched the kids pajamas she'd gotten at the store while Neal was at the park. She'd also gotten some underwear and Pull-Ups as well as some casual clothing for them all. Luckily a salesclerk had assisted her.

She let the girls play in the tub with some bubble bath and Regina conjured a rubber duckie and some mermaids, and they had a good old time splashing each other before Emma made them get out and into their new jammies and Pull-Ups.

"Oooh! I look like a princess!" squealed Regina delightedly, at her new lace ruffled pink pajama top and silky pants, which had little hearts on them. She ran out to show the boys.

Hook whistled at her and said, "You look like a million bucks!"

Regina preened. She liked looking pretty.

Belle had on a pretty nightie with rosebuds on it and a lace-trimmed collar and hem. She looked adorable. "Rumple, how's it look?" she ran out to show him.

Rumple smiled. "Real nice, Belle! Like a rich lady's."

"Yay!" Belle clapped happily. "Now I'm gonna read!" she ran and jumped on the mattress.

"Boys, your turn!" Neal called, once he'd run another bath with different bubble bath.

Rumple trotted into the bathroom immediately, his little cane thunking along. "Can you help me, Bae?" he asked, holding up his arms so Neal could take his little shirt and jacket off.

Neal assisted Rumple and then helped him into the bath. Then he looked around for Hook. "Killian, mate, c'mere! You have to take a bath . . . or else no bedtime story!"

"Aww!" huffed the pirate, but he slouched into the bathroom and let Neal help him get undressed too.

Once the two were soaking and playing in the warm water after Neal had scrubbed them, the older man went and found the pajamas Emma had bought them and brought them into the bathroom.

Hook had blue ones with little boats on them, and the words _Sailing Off to Dreamland_ on the shirt.

Rumple's were purple and black with little lightning bolts on the pants and Harry Potter on the shirt with the words, _You're a wizard, Harry!_ underneath the picture.

Both boys liked them immensely, and Rumple asked, "Who bought them for me?"

"Emma did," Neal replied, toweling his father's hair dry.

"Neat!" then he ran into the den to thank Emma and listen to the story Henry was reading.

Seeing the kids were occupied, Emma turned to Neal and said, "I guess this is a taste of what it's like to be parents from the beginning, kind of."

Neal nodded. "And now I wonder how my papa did it. It's damn hard."

"Yeah . . . but it's worth it," she said.

"It is . . . but I never realized how much work it is till now," said Neal. "I'm kind of exhausted."

"But I think we're doing pretty good," Emma remarked. "I mean, they're all healthy and nobody's died yet."

Neal chuckled. "And the same goes for us."

"We need to get them on a schedule," mused his girlfriend.

"Did you figure out that potion yet?"

"Uh . . . I figured out that some of the plants we need . . . Gold had seeds in a package in his desk drawer. We need to grow them in order to use them."

"I see. And how long will that take?"

"Uh . . . near as I can figure a week to a week and a half."

"Not bad. But you go back to work tomorrow," Neal pointed out.

"Maybe you could get my mom and dad to help you out?" suggested Emma.

"Your mom works too," reminded Neal.

"My dad probably can," Emma said.

"I'll call him tomorrow," Neal said. It would be nice to have help with this bunch, though if that wasn't feasible, he was sure he'd manage somehow.

That night, the kids seemed tired, and drifted off to sleep after Henry had read two stories.

Emma and Neal thanked God for small favors, and then tucked Henry in and went to bed themselves. Tomorrow was a new day filled with new surprises.


	6. Birds, Bees, and Beauty Treatments

**6**

**Birds, Bees, and Beauty Treatments**

During the night, Emma was awakened by a little hand patting her cheek. "Huh?" she blinked and opened her eyes. "Wazzamatter?"

"Emma . . . I had a bad dream about ogres eating me . . .can I sleep here?" Rumple whimpered.

"Uhh . . . yeah, sure . . .c'mere . . ." Emma yawned, moving over to let the child crawl next to her and snuggle against her. At first it felt a bit odd, but gradually she grew used to the warm little body cuddled beside her, and Rumple fell asleep quickly once he had someone bigger next to him.

Emma breathed in the sweet scent of the milk and honey body wash and fruity shampoo Neal had washed Rumple with, and thought this was how it might have been if she'd kept Henry and raised him. But one thing concerned her. Rumple seemed to have an awful lot of nightmares . . . or at least more than the other kids . . .and she wondered why that was . . .since this regression spell was supposed to take away their adult memories, according to Neal. Then again, maybe he just had an overactive imagination. Or maybe the spell didn't work all the way on him because he was a sorcerer?

_Worry about it later, Swan. For now, just go to sleep._ So she closed her eyes and burrowed half under the covers, one arm around the sleeping Rumple and the other on Neal's arm.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Her alarm woke her far too early, she thought, as she hit the off switch on the digital clock on the nightstand. Rumple was still asleep, so she carefully moved him over next to Neal before climbing out of bed.

She looked out the window. A gray day, she sighed. Looked like rain. Shrugging, she went to check on the other three, who were all sound asleep and no mess was visible, thank God. Grabbing a towel from the closet she went to take a shower.

Emma was in the middle of shampooing her hair when she heard the door open. "Neal?" she called. When he didn't answer her right away she assumed he was brushing his teeth or something, since there was only one bathroom.

Just then the toilet flushed, and because of the low water pressure, it caused the shower to turn off. Emma bit her lip. "Aww, come on, Neal! I've got soap in my hair and no water, how many times do I have to remind you not to flush the toilet while I'm in the shower?"

"Emma, whatcha doin'?" Hook asked, pulling back the shower curtain.

"Hook!" she yelped, trying to cover herself. "What are you doing in here?"

"I had to pee." The child replied.

"Umm . . .okay . . ." she tried to pull the curtain back to cover herself.

"Whatcha doin?"

"I'm . . . washing my hair . . . see all the soap in it? Now if you're done . . ." Emma prayed he'd leave, she was probably red as a baboon's behind right then.

"Uh oh, gotta do number 2," the boy stated, and started to pull his pajamas down.

_Oh, Goddammit! I can't believe_ _this_! She ducked behind the curtain, just as she hears a noise that makes her want to scream.

He _farted_, she thought. _These kids!_ she thought exasperatedly_. I have no damn privacy!_

"Okay, I'm done now," Hook announced.

"Are you sure?" Emma queried. _Please let him be finished, so I can turn the shower back on in five minutes and finish washing my hair. Why is he awake at 7 in the morning anyway?_

Hook pulled back the curtain. "What's those funny bumps on your chest?" He pointed.

Emma froze. Then she screamed. "Get out!"

"Why you screamin'? I just want to know what those two funny bumps are? I don't got 'em. And where's your willie?"

"My WHAT?" Emma was sure she was going to die right on the spot.

"Umm, you know, the thing you pee with," the boy answered, looking at her as if she were stupid.

"Oh my God . . . oh my God . . ." she gasped, crossing her arms over her . . . assets.

"Ya know . . . you look kinda . . . purty . . ."

Oh _my GOD! Hook has crush on me!_ If she hadn't been so mortified, she would have laughed. _This can only happen to me! "_NEAL!"

Neal woke up when he heard Emma shrieking. "What the HELL? Emma?"

Rumple also woke up. "Huh...whaass goin' on?"

"I dunno, buddy. Lemme go see. Emma? What's the matter?" He looked around the room and didn't see her anywhere.

"'kay," muttered Rumple, and went back to sleep.

"What's the matter? Get in here and find out!" yelled his girlfriend.

Neal hopped out of bed and walked into the bathroom. "Em, what's the problem? You see a spider or something?" Then he caught sight of Hook standing on the bath mat. "Aww, Killian, what are you doing in here?"

"I had to go potty," the boy replied innocently.

"And he's asking _a lot_ of personal questions!" groaned Emma, now shielding herself with the curtain.

"Oh, boy," he sighed. "Hook, c'mon, let's leave Emma alone now," Neal urged, and tried to shepherd the kid from the bathroom.

"But . .. I wanna know why she's got those bumps on her chest. And what happened to her willie?" Hook queried innocently.

Emma groaned.

Neal flushed. Trust Hook to ask these questions! "Holy God . . . err . . . Hook, listen, she's a girl, and girls are . . . err . . . different from boys . . . they've got . . . equipment we don't have and uh . . . look, I'll tell you the rest later, okay?" He picked up Hook. "Now we're gonna leave Emma alone to take her shower, cause girls like privacy . . ."

"You promise you'll tell me?"

"Sure, but now we're leaving . . . and next time, kid, don't go in the bathroom if somebody's in there, okay? Sorry, Emma . . ." Neal headed out and shut the door behind him.

Emma sighed in relief and turned the shower on again. _I'm not having anymore kids!_

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Neal carried Hook into the den and set him down. The others were just stirring, yawning and stretching. "Morning," he greeted the girls.

Rumple came into the den, rubbing his eyes and looking a little sleepy.

Belle eyed him knowingly. "You have another scary dream?"

"Uh huh. An ogre was gonna eat me, but Emma said she'd kill it for me, so I slept near her, just in case."

"I'd kill it for you," Belle said stoutly.

Rumple smiled sweetly. "Thanks, Belle."

"M' not scared of them," replied the little bookworm.

"That's cause you're brave," Rumple praised.

"I'd feed 'em poisoned apples and make 'em croak," Regina told him.

Rumple giggled at that. Neal began to pick up the pillows on the floor and put them on the couch, knowing that Emma didn't like a mess.

As he did so, Hook said to Rumple, "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" asked the smaller boy.

"Emma's got no willie," Hook announced, as if it were the most amazing fact in the world.

"She don't? How come?" asked Rumple.

Neal groaned. _Not you too, Papa!_ "Err . . . Emma's a girl . . . and—"

"Girls don't have 'em," Belle said calmly.

"Yeah, don'tcha know anything?" Regina rolled her eyes. Boys!

"Then how do you pee?" asked Hook bluntly.

Belle sighed. "Sitting down."

"And she's got bumps here," Hook pointed to his chest.

Neal almost suffocated from muffling his laughter in a pillow.

"I know why they're there," Rumple said with the voice of authority. "So's she can feed a baby. Lizabeth told me."

"Who's that?" asked Belle.

"The spinner lady my papa left me with. Her and her sister Charlotte. She 'splained it to me. See, it's like goats. When a goat has a baby, she can nurse it 'cause she has teats, and the baby goat gets milk to drink. And only mama goats have 'em. Like girls. Got it?"

Neal was struggling not to collapse from laughter.

"You know that, an' she never told you girls don't have willies?" Regina sounded offended.

"I never asked 'bout that," Rumple shrugged.

"Boys!" Regina snorted. "Sometimes you're so dumb!"

"Are not!" Hook snapped. "Okay, smartypants. If you're so smart, tell us where babies come from!"

_Now this I gotta hear!_ Neal thought, wiping tears from his eyes on a pillowcase.

"Umm . . ." Regina seemed at a loss.

Then Belle piped up. "I know! They come from the baby fairy, of course!"

"The baby fairy?" Hook asked, wide-eyed.

"Uh huh. My nurse tol' me that when grown-ups want a baby, they wish on the baby fairy and the fairy brings them one and makes it grow in the mama's tummy." Belle sighed dreamily. "When Rumple and I get big, I'm gonna ask the baby fairy for lotsa babies that look like him."

"And I wanna little girl that looks like you," Rumple replied.

_Got your future all planned out, don't you?_ Neal thought, quietly dying of laughter.

Regina rolled her eyes. "You know, ya may as well get mawied now. Ya act like it."

"Regina! We can't do that! You have to be big to get married!" Belle protested.

"Yeah, and you gotta be able to work and stuff." Rumple pointed out.

"I wanna marry Emma," Hook blurted.

Neal almost passed out. The other kids stared at the slightly older boy.

"Uh oh," muttered Regina.

"Emma's gonna marry Neal," stated Belle.

"She is?" Hook looked disappointed.

"Yeah. Duh!" Regina looked at him like he was an idiot.

"And you're too little," Rumple added.

"What's going on?" Henry asked, emerging from his room in his pajamas. "Too little for what?"

"Hook wants to marry Emma, but he can't cause he's too little and she's a grown-up and she's gonna marry Bae," Regina filled him in.

"What?" Henry started giggling. "Dad, do you hear what they're talking about?"

"I hear them. They had an interesting conversation about . . . the birds and the bees just before you came in," Neal chuckled.

Henry goggled at the three toddlers. "No way! They were talking about _that?"_

"And other related parts of the body," Neal replied, smirking.

"So? You're all mean!" Hook glared at them.

"And _you're_ dumb!" Regina cried.

"Rumple n' Belle can play house, so why can't I?" Hook asked irritably.

"Killian, you've gotta be an adult to do that with my mom. And besides, Ma's gonna marry my dad."

"Duh! What'd you take—a stupid pill?" demanded the former mayor. "Henry just toldja why! Clean out your ears!"

"You shut up!" Hook growled.

"I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see your face I throw up and then your mommy comes by and licks it up," Regina recited in a singsong chant.

Henry exploded into laughter.

"Okay, that's enough," Neal reprimanded. Where did these kids come up with this stuff?

"Killian, maybe you can find somebody else to play house with?" Belle suggested kindly.

"Like Regina," Rumple suggested mischievously.

"Eeeww! I'd rather die!" snapped the little girl.

"Bae, are there other kids here like us?" asked Belle.

"Err . .. not like you guys . .. " Neal hedged.

"I'd better get dressed for school," said Henry, checking his watch.

"You go to school?" asked Rumple curiously.

"Every day of the week," sighed the older boy.

"We can go when we're a little older, Rumple," Belle said happily.

"I don't wanna if they got teachers like Miss Blue," Rumple said nervously, and rubbed his behind in remembrance.

"I don't think they got Blue Butt Munchers there," Belle consoled him.

"Cause if they do, I'm gonna smack her butt with a ruler!" Regina declared.

"Yeah! And make her eat soap!" Hook added.

"They don't. I've got Mrs. Nolan for a teacher and she's nice," Henry reassured him.

"Plus they're not allowed to hit little kids with rulers, Rumple. Miss Blue was wrong to do that. People that do that get put away in jail," Neal said heatedly.

"I wanna go to school!" Rumple said, his face wistful.

"Maybe when you're older, buddy," Neal smirked. "Right now you're too little."

Rumple heaved a sigh that came from the bottom of his toes. "I'm too little for _everything!"_

Henry giggled. His grandfather was funny like this. _You won't be once Mom re-brews that potion._ Until then, however, he'd enjoy seeing his elders like this.

"Someday you won't be," Neal ruffled Rumple's hair. "Now what do you say to helping me make breakfast? You're not too little for that."

"You mean it?" Rumple's eyes shone.

"Sure! I need a lot of help," Neal said, his eyes twinkling just like a certain sorcerer's.

"I can help too!" Belle said, not wanting to be forgotten.

"Me too!" Regina said. "What are we gonna cook?"

Rumple clapped his hands excitedly. He wanted to help Bae like a big boy.

"Cooking's for sissies!" Hook snorted. "We had a woman to cook for us in my house."

"No, it's not!" Regina glared at the one-handed child.

"Is too! It's a girl thing!" insisted Killian. "Boys hunt stuff and fish."

Rumple shook his head. "Guys cook too. I see it all the time on TV."

"You watch Food Network?" Henry asked his grandpa.

"Uh huh," Rumple nodded. "Do you?"

"Sometimes," Henry said.

"Who do ya think cooks the best?" Regina wanted to know. "Do ya like Giada? Or Bobby Flay?"

"Bobby Flay," Rumple answered.

"I like Ina Garten!" Belle said.

"Me too! And Paula!" Regina said happily.

Killian looked from one to the other, feeling left out. "Okay . .. I guess guys can cook too."

"They can. You can make really good stuff. Like barbeque and chicken and rice," Rumple told him.

"So what are we eating? I'm hungry." asked Hook.

"Egg in a basket!" Rumple crowed.

"How do you make it?" Killian asked.

"It's easy. You cook an egg and put it on bread," Rumple told him. "And sometimes you can tuck it in with a cheese blanket on top."

"Like toast?" Regina asked.

"Yup," nodded the little lame pawnbroker. "Papa used to make it for me . . . before he left."

"We can make that, Rumple," Neal said, recalling that his father used to make that for him also.

"I want ham with pineapple on it," Belle said.

"Okay, let's go and get what we need. I think we have pineapple slices in the pantry, Belle. And ham in the fridge," Neal said, going into the kitchenette.

"I'll get the ham," Belle said, going to the fridge.

"I'll get the bread," Rumple said.

"I'll get the griddle," Regina said, summoning it to her.

"And I'll get everything else," Neal said, doing so.

"What can I do?" asked Killian.

"You can set the table," Neal told him.

"Okay!" Hook ran to get the silverware from the drawer.

"Uh . . . what are we havin' to drink?" asked the former pirate.

"Well, you can have either juice or milk. Emma and I have coffee," Neal replied, turning on the griddle.

"Chocolate milk," Rumple sang.

"We can make it!" Regina said. "They's got Hershey's syrup in the fridge."

"I like orange juice," Belle stated.

"I'll get the milk!" Regina beckoned and the milk floated through the air, wobbling slightly because the gallon was so heavy.

"Let me get it, before you spill it," Neal said, and poured the milk into a big measuring cup. "Okay, and here's the Hershey's." He squirted the syrup into the milk. "Now you stir it," and he handed a spoon to Hook. "Take turns with Rumple."

While the boys do that, Neal put the pancake mix into a big bowl. Then he measured out some more milk. "Regina, can you stir this?" he handed her a spoon and the bowl. All the kids were standing on chairs at the counter.

"What can I do?" asked Belle.

"You can help me butter the bread." He handed her the slices of bread and a butter knife and the soft butter.

Then he opened the can of pineapple and drained it.

"Hook, watch where you're stirring! You're spillin' it!" Rumple complained as the pirate stirred too hard and milk splashed all over.

"Oh keep your shorts on!" Hook snapped.

Regina was stirring vigorously. "Bae, this good?

Neal looked-and saw pancake batter on the counter and the floor.

He put the ham on the griddle.

As the ham sizzled on the griddle, Rumple asked, "Bae, do you have an apron?"

"Uh . . . somewhere," Neal found one in a drawer and tied it around Rumple. The little boy was almost swimming in it.

Regina snickered. "What, you're afraid you'll get dirty?"

"Yeah, the way you stir!" objected Rumple.

"And these are new jammies, you don't wanna ruin them," Belle said. She had butter all over the counter and the bread.

Rumple waved a hand and the counter was cleaned up.

"Thanks, Rumple!" Belle smiled.

"Wow, mate! You're like Mr. Tidy!" Hook exclaimed.

"Uh huh. Cause havin' food on counters like that's gross. You could get germs," Rumple explained.

Neal chuckled. "You and your germs!" Then he recalled his papa had always been a neat freak.

"They're nasty," Rumple said. "You could get sick from 'em."

"I know," Neal agreed. "Okay, Regina, that's good. Let me have it, so we can start making the pancakes." He took the bowl of batter from her.

"Is the bread good?" Belle wanted to know.

"Beautiful, hon," said her caregiver. He poured some batter out onto the griddle and began making the pancakes.

"Yay! Flapjacks!" Hook clapped as Neal flipped them.

"Bae, I wann flip it," Regina said.

Neal held her and then handed her the plastic spatula. "Okay, but be careful!"

Regina flipped the pancake into the air, but before she could catch it, it fell on the floor.

"Oops!" she called.

"You killed it!" groaned Killian.

"I gots three seconds to pick it up," she shrilled.

Rumple was horrified. "No! That's gross! It's full of _germs_!"

"I'm not eatin' germs!" Belle said quickly.

"Then why do they say you gots three seconds to eat it?" Regina protested.

"You can't eat that!" Rumple cried. "You'll get sick!"

"Like throw up?" Belle asked.

"Yeah. Or get a bad tummy ache and have to take medicine," Rumple reported.

"No way!" Hook shook his head.

"We're throwing it out," Neal interjected. Then he picked up the pancake and threw it out. "Good try though, Regina."

"Neal, you'd better make mine," Hook said quickly. "Before they all end up germy."

"It was an accident!" Regina snapped.

"Relax," Neal said, and he quickly poured out two more pancakes.

"You gonna make the eggs now?" Rumple asked.

"Yes," Neal said, and then he finished the pancakes and put them on aplate, stacked. Then he sprayed the griddle again with butter spray and cracked the eggs on them. As they fried, he also put the slices of bread on there, and they toasted.

Rumple and Hook poured cups of chocolate milk, though Hook slopped some onto the floor.

Before Rumple could clean it with his magic, Emma and Henry walked into the kitchenette.

"Mmm! It smells really good!" Henry said, his mouth watering.

"But it looks like World War III happened," Emma frowned at the mess all over.

"We'll clean it, Emma," Rumple reassured her.

"After we eat," Neal agreed. "Sit down now, and have some breakfast."

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Once Emma and Henry had left for school and work, Neal and the children cleaned up the kitchen and he got them all dressed. Then, while they were all watching cartoons, he considered what they should make for dinner that night. It was then he realized that he needed some milk, more eggs, and bread.

_Shoot! And I really don't want to drag all four kids to the grocery store,_ Neal sighed. Then he recalled Emma's suggestion of the day before. Maybe he should pay David a call . . .He picked up his cell.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Charmings loft:_

"Don't worry about anything, Neal," David assured him as he dropped off the four toddlers. "We'll just hang out till you come back from the store, right, kids?"

"Yeah!" they chorused.

"Okay, now you all behave for David," Neal instructed. "Or else you'll be in time out and have an early bedtime when we get back home."

"We'll be good," Belle promised.

Rumple nodded too.

"Do ya gots TV?" asked Regina.

"Right over there," David showed her where the TV was.

"Let's watch something cool!" Hook cried, and picked up the remote.

He turned on the TV. Something called _Total Beauty Makeover _ was on, with some lady who showed you how to put on makeup and do hair. She worked as a costume designer and make-up artist, and they showed clips of several movies she had done stars' make-up and hair for.

David smiled at the four kids, who were sitting on the couch, engrossed in watching the show. "This isn't so bad. I ought to tell Snow that maybe we ought to consider having another one."

Whistling, the shepherd turned prince went into the kitchen to make a snack. As he was putting together some Ritz crackers with peanut butter and jelly, the phone rang. It was city hall, asking if he could fill in until Regina was restored to her adult persona again. As he spoke with Regina's assistant on the phone, and listened to a list of all the things they needed help doing since the mayor was out of commission, the show ended and the kids were at loose ends.

"Let's go 'sploring!" Hook said. "We can pretend we're in a new land."

They climbed off the couch and went and looked in the rest of the loft. In Snow and David's bedroom, Regina spied the vanity, where Snow had various bottles and tubes of make-up, as well as a pair of electric clippers, a comb, brush, and a pair of scissors, which she had left out from her sewing basket.

"I know!" cried Regina excitedly. "Let's play beauty salon!"

"How do we play that?" asked Belle.

"We pretend we're like that lady on the show . . . and we put on make-up and cut each other's hair and stuff!" said the raven-haired girl. "It'll be fun!"

Rumple looked uneasy. "But Regina . . . I don't know how to cut hair . . ."

"Oh, it's easy!" breezed the former queen. "I was watchin' how she did it!"

"I don't know . . . I don't want my hair cut," the little imp said.

"So we can just style it," Regina stated. "C'mon! Who's first?"

"I'll do it!" Hook spoke up.

"Are you sure we won't get in trouble for touching Mary Margaret's make-up?" asked Rumple uneasily.

"It's fine!" Regina waved a hand dismissively. "She won't care. We're just borrowing some."

"Okay, Killian, sit down here . . . on this chair . . ." she indicated the puffy stool that was in front of the vanity. "Any requests?"

"Uh . . . I wanna look cool . . . like a rock star . . . or a skateboarder . . ."

"Okay!" Regina grinned and picked up the electric clippers and a comb.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Twenty-five minutes later:_

"Don't cry Belle, you's still pretty!" consoled Rumple, patting the little girl on the back and handing her a tissue to dry her eyes.

"But my hair is short on one side and long on the other!" sniffled Belle.

"It's the latest fashion." Regina rolled her eyes. "Look, I cut Killian a Mohawk!"

"Yeah, now I'm cool!" Killian boasted, feeling his newly shorn head and the spiked blue hair down the middle. "Just like a rock star in a rock n' roll band! Cut one for Rumple so he can be cool."

"I don't want to be cool." Rumple put his hands over his head protectively.

"That's because you drool! Sit down, Regina, and I'll cut your hair!" Killian said. "Whaddaya want?"

"Umm . . . I want short hair . . . like Snow!" she said.

"Okay. Lemme get a bowl. Oh, I see one . . ." Killian reached beneath the vanity and took a large plastic bowl with Snow's barrettes in them, dumped them out on the floor, and then set the bowl on Regina's head. Then he began to snip.

Belle saw something else. "Look, Rumple. This is eyelash glue and Snow's eyelashes. Can you put them on me?"

Rumple nodded. "Okay. Close your eyes."

Soon he had glued the false eyelashes on Belle. "There!"

"Oooh! Pretty!" she clapped her hands. "Now your turn! Lemme do your hair!"

"No cutting!" he ordered.

"Course not, silly!" she giggled. Then she took a small section of his hair and began twining and braiding.

Meanwhile David was still on the phone, on hold because something had come up on the other end of the line. He could still hear the TV, and thought the kids were still watching it, and he absently ate some peanut butter and jelly crackers while waiting for the assistant to come back on the line.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Black hair was scattered all over the floor as Killian cut around the bowl.

"You done yet?" Regina asked impatiently.

"Almost," the pirate said. "It takes longer 'cause I've only got one hand."

"Belle, are you done?" asked Rumple.

"Uh huh," Belle tied another bead and ribbon into place. "There! Now let me do your face. You're gonna be like an Indian brave!" She picked up a tube of lip paint. Then she dipped her fingers in it.

A few moments later, she drew back and cried, "Ta da! It's the Magical Gold Warrior!"

Rumple looked in the vanity mirror. One side of his face bore a red jagged lightning bolt over one eye and down his left cheek. The other had a glittery orange crescent moon, and blue stars around it. His hair had been braided on either side with four little braids, like rastas, tied with different colored beads and ribbons Belle had found in a plastic box.

"Do you like it?" she asked, afraid he hated it.

Rumple grinned. "Yeah, I do! I look . . . awesome!" He looked at Regina.

Regina's hair was now shorn to her ears, in a bowl cut, and she had put on red lipstick and some purple eyeshadow. She also had a blue boa around her neck.

Hook had a blue Mohawk, and Regina had attempted to line his eyes with mascara—like a rock star's. He sort of looked like a raccoon.

Belle had on false eyelashes, and a pair of Snow's heels. She also carried a purse, and had painted her face with some blush. Her hair was uneven, straggling down one side of her neck and a short clip on the other. She had put a white flower barrette on one side.

"You look like a grand lady, Belle!" Rumple said. He twirled his cane around. "I'm the Magic Golden Warrior!" Then he poked Killian with his cane.

"Hey!" snapped Hook. "What you do that for?"

"I'm counting coup! Gotcha!"

"What's that mean?" asked Killian, puzzled.

"Weren't you watching?" Rumple asked exasperatedly. "It's how the Indians showed they were brave. By touching an enemy with a stick and not killing them."

"Regina, you look nice," Belle said.

"I do, don't I?" the former queen preened. "Mirror, mirror . . .I'm like a princess."

"Only you don't got a prince," Belle reminded her.

"Who cares?" snorted the dark-haired child. "Who needs one? I'm gonna rule all by myself!"

Just then they heard David calling them.

"Let's go show him our make overs!" Regina trilled, then they all trooped into the den to show Charming their new looks.

Charming took one look at them and cried, "Oh . . . my . . . _God_!"

"Whatsamatter? Don'tcha like it?" asked Regina innocently.

Charming buried his face in his hands. Neal was going to kill him. And that was nothing compared to what Emma and Snow would do once they saw what had become of the four children. They looked like rejects from a roadside hippie circus.

"Somebody shoot me . . ." he groaned. "Please!"

**A/N: So . . . who's had kids cut their hair like that? My sisters did, LOL! And my nieces and their kids too! And thanks again CJ for her ideas with Emma in the shower and Hook! Thanks also to all my readers, you rock! What do you think Emma and Neal will say?**

**Also, someone asked why the kids don't remember their parents or guardians. That will be answered next chapter, as Emma discovers something when she researches the potion's side effects in Gold's shop. As will the reason why Rumple has nightmares about his past.**


	7. Bravery

7

**Bravery**

"I don't know how they managed to do this in the space of maybe half-an-hour," Charming said to Neal, who had just arrived at the loft, ready to pick up the kids. "I had a phone call I had to take and I thought . . . I thought they were watching TV, Neal . . ."

Neal didn't know what to think. He'd gone to the store for an hour and a half and when he'd come back, he'd found the kids . . .totally made over . . . and not in a good sense either! Well, Rumple wasn't so bad, but Belle, Killian, and Regina looked as if they'd had the worst hair day in history! He couldn't even imagine what Emma was going to say when she found out. Or Snow, since the kids had made a mess in her room of her vanity and make-up.

"You can't turn your back on them for a minute, David." Neal sighed. "We learned that the first night we brought them home." He looked at the four children and shook his head. "What did you think you were doing?"

"Uh . . . we was playin' Beauty Salon," chirped Regina. "Do ya like my new hairdo, Neal?"

"It's very . . . interesting," Neal allowed. Then he said, "But you shouldn't have touched Snow's make-up . . . or cut your hair without asking permission."

Belle and Rumple hung their heads and looked guilty and ashamed.

"We're sorry," Belle apologized. "I . . . I didn't mean to touch Snow's make-up, Bae." Her blue eyes shimmered with remorse.

"I . . . didn't cut my hair, Bae. Belle just braided it . . . like an Indian brave," Rumple pointed out. "And painted my face like a warrior."

Neal sighed. It was nearly impossible for him to remain angry at the little mischief makers for long. Especially when they looked so adorably messed up. He shook a finger at Rumple. "You know better though, I know you do."

"But don't I look cool now with my Mohawk?" demanded Killian, puffing out his little chest like a bantam rooster. "Like a rock star!"

"Or a punk on a skateboard," David mused. He snapped a few pictures on his phone, just for remembrance. Though he knew he was sure to be hearing about this for a _long_ time once Snow and Emma came home.

"Are we in trouble?" asked Rumple, unable to keep a slight quiver out of his voice. He hated thinking Bae was upset with him . . . and he worried what would happen to him if Bae was angry.

Neal flinched slightly at Rumple's tone. But he wasn't entirely sure how to punish them. Except by making them help him clean up the mess in Snow's room. "You are . . . and you're going to help clean up the mess you made . . . and say you're sorry to David for getting into trouble . . . and sit on the couch for five minutes."

"Aww, _Bae_!" they all groaned.

"Don't you aww Bae me," Neal frowned. "Now let's go."

Once they had put the vanity to rights, or as much as they could, since most of Snow's make-up was missing, Neal had them go sit on the couch while he talked to David. "I really don't know what to do to fix them before the girls come home."

"There's not much we can do," David lamented. "And I'm gonna get an earful when the girls do get home."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Emma's _not_ going to be happy," Neal groaned. Then he snorted with laughter. "But, dear God, they look hilarious!"

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma decided to leave work an hour early and go over to Gold's shop and pick up the seedlings and read up again on the potion before going home. She still was puzzled as to why Rumple kept having nightmares of things he should know nothing about and wanted to see if the potion had any type of side effects or something.

She unlocked the shop with Neal's key and went inside. In the basement she found the potions text and it was still open to the page with the recipe on it. She read through the list of ingredients again, and the potion seemed to have no side effects so long as it was made with fresh ingredients and drank within ten minutes of brewing. That had been the mistake she had made the first time.

She left the text where it was and went upstairs to get the seed packets from Gold's desk drawer. Inside the drawer she also found a small black book, and upon opening it found it was a small compendium of common and uncommon spells. Paging through it, she found the regression spell she had mistakenly cast, and in the margin was a note in Rumple's neat handwriting.

_One of the effects of such a spell is to cause the recipient to not only become a child again, but forget most of their former life, save for a few outstanding memories of their childhood. They may recall certain defining incidents and the family members they had at that age, or caregivers, but of their adult selves almost nothing. The memories they do recall may be simple images without accompanying emotional attachments. The one exception to this is if the recipient was cursed before the regression spell. Then the spells might clash and the recipient recall memories from their adult life._

Emma re-read the note again before muttering, "So that's why! Rumple was the Dark One . . . and therefore he can remember things from his old life. That's why he's having nightmares and the others aren't. It also explains why none of them have asked about their parents, because they remember, but don't really know them."

She couldn't wait to tell Neal what she had discovered, and she took the seedlings and put them in her jacket.

Then she locked up the shop and called Neal on her cell.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Neal and David had just finished giving the kids some food, making peanut butter and jelly crackers for them with milk and strawberries and bananas cut up alongside the crackers, when his cell rang.

Upon answering it, he discovered Emma was on her way home, and felt compelled to tell her where they were. "And . . . err . . .there's something else you might want to know . . . we sort of had . . . an incident . . ."

"An incident?" Emma asked suspiciously. "Like what, Neal?"

"Uh . . . you'd better see for yourself."

"Are the kids okay? Is anyone hurt?" Emma asked, concerned.

"They're fine. Nobody's hurt," he reassured her. "But . . . you'll see when you get here. Just don't . . . freak out."

"Freak out? Neal, what the hell is going on?"

"Emma, relax. You'll see when you get here. Love you, bye," he hung up.

A few minutes later, Emma walked into the loft. She stared at the four children, gaping. "You have _got_ to be kidding me! How did this happen?! Neal, what were you doing, playing video games?"

"Emma, it wasn't Neal's fault. It was mine," David began.

"Emma, how do you like our new looks?" asked Hook proudly. "Don't we look cool?"

"Uh . . ." Emma faltered, not wanting to hurt their feelings, but Regina's hair looked as though rats had chewed on it, and poor Belle looked like she'd been the practice dummy for cosmetologists. Rumple was the only one who sort of looked normal . . . and even he was funny with his little braids and beads and his painted face. "You all look very . . . different."

She wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or something inbetween.

"So . . . how did _this_ little mishap occur?"

Both David and Neal hastened to explain.

As they did so, the children finished eating and Belle came up to Emma and said, "Emma, can you . . . put my hair back like it was before?"

"Hey! It's the style!" objected Regina.

"Not my style," Belle argued.

"Umm . . . well . . ." Emma hesitated. She hated using magic without knowing exactly what she was doing. "Rumple, can you help me out, kid?"

"I can try, Emma," the pint-sized sorcerer said.

"You ain't touchin' my hair!" Killian declared.

"Okay, we'll leave your hair alone," she agreed, since the Mohawk wasn't _that_ bad, though she wondered what his elder self would think of it.

Before Rumple could say anything, Snow came home. "Emma, you didn't say you were coming over with the—_Lord have mercy!_" The school teacher's jaw hit the floor.

"Why does everybody keep saying _that_?" Regina asked irritably. "It's just a haircut!"

"Just a—" Snow stammered. "But you look like . . . who did . . .?" she looked from Neal to Emma and then at David.

"Regina did it, Snow," Rumple informed her. "We all got makeovers and we're sorry we touched your make-up."

"My . . ." Snow's jaw remained open. Then she cast a look at her husband. "David, were _you_ watching them?"

"Err . . . just till Neal got back from the store, hon," he hedged. "I didn't know they'd get into this sort of thing . . ."

Snow rolled her eyes. "Of course not. Because three-year-olds always behave, right?" Then she looked back at the four tots and busted out laughing. "Oh, Emma! You've got your hands full! Oh . . . my word!"

That caused the rest of them to crack up, while Regina scowled and muttered, "I don't see why they're laughin'."

Belle nudged Rumple, and whispered into his ear," I know why they're laughing. It's cause we look awful!"

"Do I?" he asked in alarm.

"No, but I look ugly."

He shook his head. "You don't. You'd look pretty if you were bald."

She gave him a _yeah-right_ look. Then she said, "Nice try, Rumplestiltskin!" and started giggling.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Henry nearly busted a gut laughing when he saw the kids after he'd arrived home from school. "They _cut_ their own hair? No wonder it looks like a drunken barber came after them!" He snapped several pictures on his phone, saying he was posting them online on his Facebook before Neal cried, "Like hell!"

"Why? It's hilarious!" his son remarked.

"Yeah . . . now it is! But once they go back to being adults, they'll string you up, kid," his father pointed out. "Especially Regina."

Henry reconsidered. Having the once and future Evil Queen mad at you was not a good thing. "All right. No social media sites. But I'm making an album of them as kids."

Emma managed, with some coaching from Rumple, to re-grow Belle's hair so it was even again, and fixed up Regina's as well, leaving her with short even bob. They washed the make-up off them and made sure all the scissors were hidden.

After dinner that night, which was chicken and rice, Henry read the story of "The Brave Little Tailor" to them while Neal and Emma discussed the ramifications of the regression spell and why Rumple had nightmares. Emma took out the seedlings and planted them in two small pots Snow had given her and put them on the windowsill of the bedroom so they could get sunlight, after she watered the soil.

"There! Hopefully these plants grow quickly," she said. "Before I lose what's left of my mind."

Neal smirked. "You mean you don't like the Brady Bunch?" he teased.

"Carol Brady never had to deal with four toddlers that are like monkeys on crack!" Emma snorted.

Neal hugged her. "You're doing good, Em. Just breathe." Then he started laughing.

She punched him in the arm. "Cassidy, you are in so much trouble!"

"Why? You going to arrest me?"

"Don't make me get out my cuffs," she threatened, then she also started laughing. "Oh my God! When I saw them . . . I wanted to die! And your _father_! Did anybody ever tell him he looks adorable with rastas? A Jamaican on Wall Street!"

"He sorta reminded me of a gang member. Gangsta baby," Neal admitted, then they both collapsed on the bed, howling.

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

But neither of them were laughing at three AM, when Rumple woke them sobbing from another nightmare. Neal woke to find the little imp huddled a the foot of the bed, and picked him up, saying, "Hey, buddy, what's wrong?"

It was a moment or two before Rumple answered him. "I . . . I dreamt you were . . . you fell in a green hole, Bae . . . and it sucked you down . . . and I was all alone . . . don't leave me alone . . .!"

_My God! He dreams of the portal too?_ Neal was flabbergasted, certain that only he had nightmares of that awful time. "It's okay, Rumple. I'm right here." He rocked the little boy in his arms. "I'm not going anywhere, see? I won't leave you alone."

"Neal?" Emma said muzzily.

"Go back to sleep," he told her. "Rumple just had another nightmare, but I'm taking care of it," he reassured her.

But it was a long time before either of them fell asleep that night.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

The next morning, over their Golden Grahams and Cap'n Crunch, Hook said to Rumple, "Why do you have so many bad dreams? Is it 'cuz you're afraid of everything?"

Rumple nearly spilled his bowl of cereal. "No! I just don't like to be alone."

Regina rolled her eyes. "I don't like it a lot, but least I don't cry about it."

Rumple flushed and lowered his head.

"You be quiet!" Belle ordered. "It's not Rumple's fault he has bad dreams."

"If he wasn't afraid he wouldn't have 'em," Killian pointed out.

"Baby, baby, stick your head in gravy!" Regina sang.

"Wash it out with bubble gum and send it to the navy!" Hook warbled.

"I ain't a baby!" Rumple snapped. "Stop calling me that!"

"Neal, Hook and Regina are calling Rumple names!" Belle cried.

"Knock it off!" Neal yelled from the bedroom where he was watering the seedlings.

"Tattletale!" Hook made a face at Belle.

"Crybaby!" sniggered Regina.

Rumple scrunched down in his chair. "Brat!" His ears red, he made a quick gesture and Hook's cereal ended up spilling into his lap. Then he yelled, "Neal, Hook wet his pants!"

"Did not! You did that on purpose!" Hook yelled. "Neal, Rumple's using magic!"

"He called me a crybaby!" Rumple informed Neal when the older man returned a moment later. "He said I'm a coward cause I don't like being alone."

"He made my cereal fall!" accused Killian.

"All right, that's enough," Neal ordered. "Two wrongs don't make a right. Killian, you don't tease anybody about nightmares. Rumple's not a baby, we all get them. And Rumple, next time he starts with you, you come get me, you don't magic him. Y'hear?"

Both boys nodded sullenly, then Neal took Hook to get changed. It was going to be a long day.

All that day, the kids seemed out-of-sorts, quarreling over everything, and by the time Emma came home, Neal was ready to climb out the window and run away from home.

"They gang up on you again?" Emma asked him, for he looked frazzled.

"I'm about ready to tear my hair out," he admitted. "I had both Regina and Hook in time out today for teasing Belle and Rumple, and Belle locked herself in the bathroom so she could have privacy while she was reading, Regina drew on the table with Magic Marker, and Papa threatened to count coup on Hook's face with his cane of doom. It's been the day from hell."

"Sounds like they have too much energy," Emma said. "Why don't we take them to the park and let them run around for a bit? Henry can help us watch them." Then her lips quivered. "The cane of doom?"

"Don't ask me where he came up with that one," Neal shook his head. "I've had to keep them separated all day, just in case."

_The park:_

Regina, Henry, and Hook climbed up into the wooden castle, playing knights and goblins.

But Rumple said his leg hurt and he'd rather listen to Belle read, so they found a spot away from the castle to sit and read.

Emma and Neal played Candy Crush on their phones while sitting on a bench nearby.

Belle began to read the story of Merlin's childhood growing up on the edge of the Dark Forest, but stopped when she noticed Rumple wasn't really paying attention. "Don't you like this one?"

"It's good, but . . . I wish there was a way to make Killian stop calling me a coward." He looked at his Armani loafers. "But I _am_ afraid of stuff, so maybe he's right."

"He is not!" Belle said. "You're not a coward, Rumple! Bae says it's okay to have bad dreams."

"Bae was being nice. You guys don't wake up every night screaming," Rumple said glumly.

"Sometimes I do," Belle said comfortingly. "One time I dreamed a big bad wolf was chasing me . . . and it almost chomped off my foot! But then my papa came and cut off its head with his sword."

"Mine would have left me to be eaten," said the sorcerer sadly.

"That's cuz he was a jackass!" Belle said angrily. She shut the fairy tale book. "Rumple, maybe there's a way you can prove you're brave."

"How?"

"Like going on a quest."

"What kind of quest?"

She pointed to the small strip of woods that bordered the park. "We could go into the woods for a little ways . . .remember the guy on Good Morning Storybrooke said there's been wolf sightings? So we could just go walking for a little . . . and prove how brave you are."

"I guess we could, for a little while," he nodded, then he looked back at where Emma and Neal were sitting. "You don't think we'll get in trouble, do you?"

Belle shook her head. "We won't be gone long, Rumple."

"Okay," he said, and got up with his cane. "Let's go." Then he limped off into the woods, with Belle beside him.

The woods were filled with spring sunshine and birds twittered and sang in the treetops. Motes of sunlight filtered down and created pretty patterns upon the forest floor, which had a small dirt track running through it, and thick clumps of gorse and ferns about the mossy trunks of the stately oaks, ash, and maple trees. Wildflowers and other plants also grew profusely in the undergrowth.

Belle stopped to glance around. "The woods aren't scary during the day," she observed.

"No. It's only at night that they're creepy," Rumple acknowledged.

"You think the wolf's sleepin'?" Belle whispered.

"He might be," Rumple agreed. "I think they only come out at night. Least they do in the stories."

"Y'mean like werewolves? You know, they come out on the full moon and eat you," she said fearfully.

"But it's not a full moon or night," he reminded her. "So we're safe."

"Y'got any silver, Rumple? My book says silver can kill a werewolf . . . just in case."

Rumple shook his head. "No . . . this's gold," he shook his cane.

"Can you make something? Like a stake they use on Dracula?"

"Uh . . . I could try." Rumple said, and then he concentrated hard. A long slender silver stake appeared in his hands.

Belle smiled. "You did it! Do you think we need anything else?"

"Nope. Let's see what's down this way," he pointed towards a long winding trail.

"Can you walk that far with your leg?" Belle asked, noticing he seemed to be leaning a bit more on his cane than normal.

"Yeah. I'm good."

"You sure? We can rest some."

He shook his head. "No. M'fine. It's just a bit stiff. It'll be okay once I walk a little on it." The truth was he didn't want to linger here, afraid he'd lose his nerve. He was already getting a bit scared thinking about what monsters could be prowling about, wanting to make a meal out of little boys. He began to limp determinedly down the trail. He handed Belle the stake.

A few minutes down the trail, Belle paused and called, "Lookit these plants. Aren't they cool?"

Rumple halted and knelt to examine them. To his surprise he knew exactly what they were. "That's a dandelion," he told her. "You can make a tea and drink it to help a tummy ache or if you've got diarrhea. And this one here's zyllinium," he pointed to a plant with spiky leaves. "It's good in potions to make a spell hold."

Belle stared at him. "Really?"

"I don't know how I know that, I just do," he replied.

"Weird," she said, then added, "Not you, I mean how you just know stuff. I have to look things up," she said admiringly.

Rumple blushed. Then he pointed to a purple flower. "That's a spring crocus. It makes you giddy, like you've drunk wine. It's used in potions of forgetting."

"Why would you do that?" Belle frowned.

"I dunno . . . maybe you want to forget something sad . . ."

"You wouldn't take it, would you? I know you've had some sad things happen to you, but what if you forgot the good stuff too?"

He shook his head. "No. It's not worth it. All magic comes with a price, y'know. And sometimes . . . sometimes you need the bad memories and the good ones. Besides, you can't just eat this, you need to use it in a potion, otherwise you'll get sick."

"Yuck," Belle grimaced. "You see anything that can get rid of your scary dreams?"

"Uh . . ." he looked further down the trail, then he spotted a familiar green and white striped plant.

"What's that one?" Belle asked.

"Mallow acanthus," he answered. "It can bring you good dreams, if you make a tea from the leaves."

"I love tea!" exclaimed Belle.

"Me too," Rumple said.

"But I don't have a tea set. Papa says I'm too little for one yet," Belle sighed.

"Maybe I can buy you one when we get big . . .but . . . I think I remember one . . . in the big house we were in . . . it was white with blue flowers . . . and the cup I had was chipped . . .just a bit."

"Maybe the people who live in the big house will let us keep it, if it was damaged," Belle speculated.

"Yeah, who wants a broken teaset anyhow?"

"Well, even if it's broken, it's still good," Belle said.

"No, I meant the grown-ups. They think anything broken's gotta be thrown out." He picked some leaves and shoved them in the pocket of his jeans.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "They just do. They don't like anything old either."

"I know. I 'member I had this blankie once, from when I was a baby, my mama made it before I was born. And it got really worn and had holes and my papa said they had to burn it cause it was old and no good."

"I had a little cornhusk doll my papa made for me once . . . but it got lost," he sighed.

"Maybe they burned it like they did my blankie," Belle said sadly. "I cried and nobody cared."

"I'd have cared. Grown-ups!" Rumple snorted. "Maybe my papa threw it away. He did that with a stuffed dog I had once. He said I was too big for it and he threw it away . . .and when I cried he called me a crybaby and smacked my butt."

"My papa just yelled at me and said princesses don't cry," she told him.

"Sometimes grown-ups are dumb!" He went and held her hand. "Lizabeth tol' me it's okay to cry, that's why we got tears."

"I don't cry around my papa...don't want him to yell," Belle said softly.

"I never cried around my papa . . . I didn't want him to smack me. You don't think I'm a coward do you?" he asked anxiously, fearful of what she would say now that he had told her one of his deepest secrets . . . that he was scared of his papa.

Belle shook her head. "No! Your papa sounds mean n' nasty."

"Sometimes he was . . . 'specially when he lost a game down at the pub," Rumple recalled, and shivered at the memory of an angry voice and a hand raised towards him.

"Am I a coward cause I don't cry in front of my papa so he doesn't yell?" Belle countered.

"No!"

"Then neither are you," she said simply. "Rumple, when we get big and have kids...promise me we're not gonna be mean to 'em like our papas can be."

"I'd never wanna be like my papa . . . he ran away and left me . . .and if one of 'em is crying I'll just hug them and tell 'em it's okay . . . like Bae does with me . . ."

"I'd like to live with Bae and Emma till we're big. They're really nice even when we're bad," Belle said wistfully.

"Yeah . . .Bae said that even when he has to spank us it hurts him more n' hurts us 'cuz he hates it. My papa never hated it. He smacked me all the time."

"Was his papa nice or was he mean?"

"Bae says he loved him more n'anything . . . and his papa was real nice . . .he always said he was sorry when he spanked Bae for bein' bad."

"And sometimes even mommies are mean. But mine wasn't," Belle said. "How 'bout yours?"

"I never knew mine. She died when I was a baby," he answered.

"Mine died too."

"Regina says her mommy was mean sometimes. Like my papa."

"Papa had some lady watch me sometimes when he wasn't home. She was sorta scary, like the Blue Butt Muncher," Belle recalled. "I didn't really like her all that much. I wonder if Hook's daddy and mommy were mean, and that's why he's a bully?"

"Hook said he had a nanny , cause his papa and brother were away on a big ship. But she was nice and let him eat candy and stuff . . . and he hid from her when it was time to take a bath." Rumple related. "And I think his mommy died too."

"Oh. Why's Hook hate baths? I love 'em."

"Hook's weird, I dunno. Maybe he likes germs. Yuck!" Rumple made a face.

They continued walking.

"Germs are gross."

"I know. And if you don't wash your hands or take a bath or clean things, you could get sick and die," Rumple stated. "I hate dirt . . .'cept if you're planting flowers and stuff."

Belle nodded. "I like to do that. I used to help Tom the gardner." She rubbed her stomach. "Rumple. You hungry?"

"A little. You wanna go back now?"

"Umm . . . let's."

They turned around to head back through the trees and they heard something running at them.

"Belle, do you hear that?" Rumple whimpered.

"It sounds like a werewolf!" Belle shivered.

"maybe it's the bat winged monster with scary eyes like in my dream!" Rumple was terrified.

"Or Dracula!" Belle cried. "We don't have any holy water or garlic!"

They clung to one another too frightened to move.

When out of the brush stepped a huge . . . wolf!

"R-Rumple . . .it's a . . . wolf . . ." Belle hissed.

The wolf was large and skinny, a gray animal with white fur on its chest, paws, tail, and underbelly. It had black ears and black fur around its eyes, which were a startling green color. It was panting slightly and when it saw the children on the path, it stopped and looked at them oddly.

Belle screamed, petrified.

The wolf growled softly.

"It's gonna _eat us, Rumple!"_

Her terror roused something in him . . .something that he didn't know what to call yet, but whatever it was made him limp in front of Belle and say sharply, "You . . . you leave us alone, y'hear? Don't you growl at me!"

"Rumple . . . run! It's gonna eat you!" Belle cried, and tried to grab his hand and drag him away. "We gotta get help!"

"No . . . you can't run from animals, Belle. It makes them chase you," he told her softly. Somehow he knew that was true.

The wolf made a strange sound . . . until Rumple realized that it was . . . _barking._ "Belle? That's not a wolf . . . it's a _dog!_"

Then he cocked his head. It almost seemed . . . as if he had heard words in the bark. "Did you say something?"

"No."

The dog whined softly.

"Should we stake it?" asked Belle fearfully.

Rumple shook his head. "N-no . . .shh . . ." He listened hard.

_I won't hurt you, puppies. I don't hunt little ones._

"She says she's not gonna eat us, Belle!" he exclaimed.

"Huh? All I hear is the dog barking," Belle frowned.

"But I can hear her talking to me . . . just like a person," he cried, and tapped his head.

"Really? What else is she saying?" Belle smiled at him. He was her hero, he had saved her from the monster . . . who wasn't really a monster after all. It was just a dog, and if Rumple said it wouldn't hurt her, she trusted him.

The dog woofed again.

"She says she's lonely . . . she lost her master and can't find him and everybody's scared of her and runs away, so she has no home." Rumple reported.

"Does she wanna come home with us?" asked Belle.

"Umm . . . do you?" he asked the dog.

The dog wagged her tail. _If you will have me, then yes!_ She licked Rumple's cheek with her warm sticky tongue.

Rumple giggled. "Aww! She likes me!" He stroked the soft fur.

"Can I pet her?"

Rumple nodded. "She says yes."

Belle stroked the dog's shoulder gently. "Rumple, her fur's so soft!"

"I know. It's like thick wool. Even after being in the woods. Isn't she pretty?"

"She's beautiful!" Belle said. Then she giggled as the dog licked her hand. "She kissed me!"

"Aww!" Rumple buried his hands in the gray ruff.

"You're my hero, Rumple. And you know what heroes get?" asked Belle, her blue eyes twinkling.

"Uh . . .not really. A prize? I've never been one b'fore."

Belle cupped his face in her hands and kissed him lightly. "They get kisses, silly! You're my hero!"

Rumple's eyes widened and he blushed red as a radish. "Aww!"

"I'm gonna tell everybody how brave you were and Hook and Regina won't be able to make fun of you ever again!" she declared.

"But . . . all I did was talk to a dog . . . "

"But you didn't run . . . you were gonna save me . . ." she reminded him.

"I woulda tried my best," he admitted.

"And that's why you're brave. You would have done it cause you're really smart and have magic—just like Merlin!"

"I wanna be like Merlin when I grow up! A powerful sorcerer so's nobody can push me around and call me a crybaby coward." Rumple said, feeling himself swell with pride.

Belle looked a little nervous. "You're still gonna marry me an have kids aren't you?"

"Sure I am! I'm not marrying anybody else," he said firmly.

"Me neither," she said happily.

They continue petting the dog until they hear Emma and Bae calling them.

"C'mon, Rumple!" Belle said, and went back down the trail.

"Coming!" he said. Then he looked at the dog. "C'mon Gwen!"

Belle halted. "Gwen? Like Gweniviere?"

"Yup. She said I could call her that," Rumple told her. Then with the dog trotting beside them, they emerged from the woods and into the park.

They saw Emma and Neal searching frantically for them, as well as Regina and Hook.

"Bae! Emma! Look what we found in the woods!" Belle announced, gesturing towards Gwen.

Neal slid to a stop. "Holy hells! It's a wolf! Kids . . . move away from it!"

"Don't be scared, Bae," Belle said. "I thought she was gonna eat me, but Rumple was so brave, he wouldn't let her, and he can talk to her in his mind!"

"What?" Hook looked poleaxed. "He . . . was brave?"

"Uh huh!"

"And he didn't run off when the wolf came?" asked Regina.

"Nope!" Belle said, and she smiled over at the little boy. "He told me not to run away cause it would chase us. He's my hero so don't you make fun of him anymore!"

"Wow!" Both the pirate and the queen look at Rumple with awe and respect.

"Sorry, Rumple. I guess you really are brave," Regina apologized.

"Yeah, mate."

Emma jogged back over to them and saw the huge animal. "What is . . . THAT? Neal, we'd better call Animal Control!"

Belle gasped. "No! She's friendly!"

"Emma, she's not a wolf, she's a dog!" Rumple objected. "We found her in the woods . .. she was lonely and she's starving. Look!" He pet the dog's head. "see? She don't bite."

"Please don't take her away!" Belle cried. "We promised to bring her home."

"Aww . .. but she could have fleas . . . or . . . or rabies . . " Emma groaned..

"Please can we keep her?" Rumple begged.

"PLEASE?" Belle pleaded.

"Umm . . . c'mon, Neal, help me out . . ." Emma sighed and looked at him.

Neal sighed. "Em, I like dogs."

Belle smiled. She could tell Neal was caving.

Rumple gave Neal and Emma his biggest set of puppydog eyes.

Then Belle did.

So did the dog.

"Oh my God!" Emma groaned. "I don't believe this! I'm being begged to death!"

Regina and Hook joined in too.

"Now how can I say no to _that?"_ Neal muttered.

Rumple sniffled. "Emma, if you send her away, she'll be all alone . . . in the cold and dark . . . " Two tears slid down his cheeks.

"No . . . no, kid, anything but that . . ." Emma cried.

Belle started crying too. "And hungry. See her ribs are all thin!"

It was true, the dog looked very thing.

"C'mon, kids!" Emma sighed.

"Yeah, enough with the waterworks," Neal cried.

Then Regina burst into tears too. "She's like a orphan, Emma!"

"A lost dog! You can't leave her here. It's mean!" Hook said, his chin quivering.

Emma looked away. So did Neal. Their eyes met.

"We're such suckers!" Neal admitted ruefully.

"Tell me about it," sighed the sheriff. Behind her, the four started sniffling and sobbing.

"Aww, hell! Y'know, I did the same thing to my papa once. I found a sheepdog puppy on the road and I brought it home," recalled Neal.

"Oh and I can only imagine how that turned out!" Emma said sarcastically.

"What? He let me keep it . . . after we gave it a bath and everything. And I promised to take care of her. It was great . . . well, he did get a bit mad when she ate his boots and peed on the rug, but . . ." Neal chuckled.

"Now _he's_ doing it to you . . . this crazy!"

"Well, you know they say you turn into your parents with kids," her boyfriend laughed.

"Yeah, and go crazy," the sheriff giggled.

"But I did the same to him so . . . what goes around comes around."

Emma sighed and turned around to face the sobbing children. "All right...now cut out the waterworks. You can keep the dog...but...it gets bath before it comes in the house."

"YAY!" they all cheered.

"And she says she's gonna protect us!" Rumple announced.

"She what? You telling me you can talk to that dog?" Emma gaped at him. "Like Dr. Doolittle?"

Rumple nodded. "I can hear her in my mind."

_Why are you shocked Emma...he is the most powerful sorcerer in all the realms...and even though he's a kid...he still has most of his abilities_, she thought.

"Neat! I wish I could." Regina said.

"Can I pet her?" Hook asked cautiously.

"Yeah, but be nice. Her name's Gweniviere." The little imp said.

As the other two went to pet the dog, Emma raised an eyebrow. "Like King Arthur's wife?"

"Uh huh. She said we could call her that," Rumple said. "Gwen for short."

Emma shrugged. "Well, I shouldn't be surprised. Now I have four kids and a big ass talking dog in my little apartment. Okay, let's get her home and get her bathed and fed."

They all started to walk over to the car.

"Emma, we'll need to get her some food," Neal reminded her. "So we ought to stop at the store. And she'll need shots too later."

"Right."

"Shots! Ugh!" Regina scowled and held her behind.

Neal snickered. Then he looked at his father and Belle and said, "And after that, we're going to have a talk about you two running off in the woods and making us go crazy looking for you. You could have been taken away!"

Belle looked at Rumple, fearful. What would Neal do to them? Would he spank them?

Rumple looked at her, also scared. He didn't know. But he tried to be brave. He was Belle's hero. He took her hand. Then he looked at Emma and Bae. "Let's go home."

Once they were all in the backseat, buckled and the dog was lying on the floor across their feet, Emma started the car and drove to the supermarket. Neal got out and ran into the store to get the dog some essentials, and Emma turned up the radio and listened to some 80's music and dozed in the driver's seat.

Meanwhile, the kids were discussing what was going to happen to Rumple and Belle once they got home.

"You're gonna get spanked," Regina predicted.

Hook nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I don't like getting spanked. It stings a lot."

Rumple bit his lip hard. "Me neither, but . . ."

"We were just trying to prove Rumple was brave so you'd wuit making fun of him," Belle said indignantly.

Rumple squeezed Belle's hand comfortingly. "It's okay, Belle. If . . . if Bae does spank us . . . well, it's not gonna hurt like when Miss Blue spanked me . . . right, Killian?"

Killian gave him a wry grin. "Nah. The Blue Butthole used a ruler on ya . . . Bae only used his hand on me. And it stung . . .he made me cry . . . but it ain't nothing like getting caned or something . . . like what they do to the midshipmen in the navy . . ."

"My mommy used a hairbrush," Regina whimpered. "That really hurt!"

"I saw someone use something they called a willow switch once . . . and it really hurt. It left marks," Belle murmured.

Rumple stared. "On who? Not you!"

"No . . . it was a servant boy . . . at one of the castles Papa and I were visiting . . . he'd tripped and spilled something on the floor . . . wine . . . and they switched him right there . . . I cried, I was scared . . . and Papa got mad . . . he said it was wrong to beat the poor boy like that . . . and then . . . after . . . they made the boy kiss it—the switch!"

Regina grimaced. "That's 'sgusting!"

"Yeah, that's bad form!" Hook agreed.

"Uh huh. So Papa said he wasn't gonna trade with 'em anymore cause they were mean like that," Belle finished.

"Good! My mommy used to order our servants whipped, but my daddy didn't like it and he made her stop," Regina related.

Belle flinched. "Oww!"

"Sometimes I didn't like my mommy . .. " the raven-haired girl admitted.

"She sounds really scary," Belle said.

"Just like my papa did. Once he threatened to skin me alive if I didn't shut up . . . and all I wanted was a drink. Another time he threatened to beat the blue blazes outta me . . . cause I was disturbing his concentration during a game. I had to go potty," Rumple sighed.

"The creep!" Belle snapped.

"What a butthole!" Regina snorted.

":My dad didn't even say that . . . though he wasn't home a lot . . . and when he was . . . he was always at the bar . . .with his crew . . ." Hook stated.

"That's why I think we should live with Bae and Emma till we're big," Belle said.

"Yeah, I'd like that. They're nice," Regina agreed.

"Me too. Least they're home. And if Bae spanks you he says sorry and hugs you after," Hook told them.

"He does?" Regina looked impressed.

"Yup," the pirate nodded.

"He told me his papa did that to him when he was bad," Rumple informed them.

"See, that's why we gotta stay here," Belle said decisively. "So nobody hurts us."

The other three all nodded, and soon they were dozing.

Neal came back with a few bags and stuffed them in the trunk, then Emma drove home. She couldn't wait to see what Henry said when he saw the new addition to their household, he was with Grace having ice cream.

**A/N: So what do you think will happen to Rumple and Belle?**


	8. Bathtime

**8**

**Bathtime**

On the way home, Neal debated whether to give Belle and Rumple their punishment first or to give the dog a bath. He decided on the latter first, mainly because he didn't want to have the dog standing tied to a tree outside their apartment while he lectured the two children. The neighbors would freak seeing a huge "wolf" in their yard.

Once they'd all gotten out of the car, Neal said, "Right, now we're all going to give Gwen a bath over here."

He walked over to the lawn where their apartment was and pulled the hose from its holder and unwound it.

Emma watched for a moment, then said, "Let me get the dog shampoo. Neal, you got the attachment for the hose, right?"

"I got it, Em," he replied, going and fetching a plastic attachment that looked like a hand from the bag from the supermarket. The "hand" had holes in the fingers for water to squirt through and gently soak the dog's fur, getting it wet without spraying it harshly. "See, kids? This is like a dog shower."

"What can we do to help?" asked Rumple.

Neal was screwing on the hand, and he said, "I need you to talk to Gwen, Rumple. Explain to her what we're doing and why and get her to please stay here."

"I can do that," Rumple said eagerly.

He approached the dog and put a hand on her thick ruff. "C'mere, Gwen. We need to clean you up and wash you, but we need you to stay here while we do it, okay?

Gwen panted. She looked distinctly uneasy when she saw the hose in Neal's hand. _Rumple, what's that snake thing?_

"That's where the water comes from," explained the little magic user.

Gwen wrinkled her nose. _Water? Water comes from streams and ponds, and sometimes the sky, pup. How can water come from a snake?_

"Umm . . . it comes from lakes and stream through this . . . it's called a hose."

The dog stiffened. _And what are you going to do with this hose? Drown me? _

"No! It'll just put a little bit of water on you. Then we'll wash you with some stuff called soap and you'll be all clean and smell good too. And then Emma'll let you in the house with us."

Gwen's ears flatten slightly. _Like when I get wet when it rains?_

"Uh huh. Just like that," Rumple told her.

_And what is this . . . soap you speak of?_

"Umm . . . it's something we use to get dirt and germs off you so you don't get sick," Rumple explained.

Gwen sniffed softly. _Very well. I suppose my coat is . . . rather scroungy. Just don't pull hard on the knots . . . otherwise I can't promise not to nip._

"I'll try not to."

The big dog, who looked like she was part husky or malamute, wagged her tail and licked the boy's cheek. _Do as you wish, Rumple. I'll not run. I'm not afraid of water._

"I know you won't," the small boy said, scratching her ears. "You're brave."

_So are you and the pretty she-pup there._

"That's Belle. I know she's brave. I . . . I try."

_And that is all you need._ Gwen sniffed the hose Neal held out then froze into stillness like a statue, allowing the unfamiliar treatment with grace.

Rumple stayed beside her while Neal ran the hose over her, the water squirting from the "fingers" and flowing over her. Belle grabbed the container of dog shampoo and began rubbing it in on her hands.

"Hey! We wanna help too!" Regina cried.

"Then come here and get your hands dirty, Miss Perfection," Neal teased.

"She sure don't look happy, can't say I blame her," Hook said frowning.

"Figures. You prolly don't bathe much at all," Regina drawled.

"Make sure you scrub her good, Neal," Emma said. "And here's her flea collar." She handed her boyfriend the collar.

Hook stuck out his tongue. "Who asked _you_, Miss Bossy?"

"Well, you don't," snorted Regina. Then she poured shampoo on her hands and began washing the dog's back while Belle and Rumple did the front.

"You clean her legs' Hook!" Regina ordered imperiously.

"You ain't my boss!" snapped the child.

"Are too! Girls rule and boy drool!"

Gwen sneezed as the soap tickled her nose. _Rumple, the soap tickles my nose._

"M'sorry," Rumple said guiltily.

"What's wrong?" asked Neal.

"Gwen says the soap tickles her nose," answered Rumple. "It makes her sneeze."

"Not too much we can do about that, kid," Neal sighed. "But try and keep the soap out of her face."

Rumple nodded.

Regina looked over at Hook and saw angrily that he wasn't helping.

"Bae! Hook's not helping!"

Hook shot her a glare. "Bae, Regina's tattling!"

_Here we go aga_in,_ Neal thought._ One thing was certain, there was never a dull moment taking care of four toddlers. "Okay. Hook can help if he wants to . . ."

"I want to! But she ain't the boss of me! You n' Emma are the captains!" Hook snapped.

He began to gently wash Gwen's legs and paws.

Belle sniffed. "Mmm! You smell pretty!" she told the dog. "Like honey and sage."

Hook rolled his eyes. "She smells like a wet dog."

"Better n' you!" Rumple growled.

"You wanna fight?" Killian demanded, clenching his fist.

"Don't even think about it!" ordered Neal.

"I ain't afraid of him, Bae!" declared Rumple firmly.

Neal scowled. "**No** fighting! Or you'll both be spending five minutes in the corner."

"Yes, sir. But I'm not a coward," insisted Rumple stubbornly.

"Maybe you're a chicken?" Hook giggled wickedly.

"Hey! _What did I just say?"_ Neal demanded sharply.

"Maybe you're a snapping turtle," Belle put in defensively, glaring at Hook. "Lean, mean, and you smell like a dead fish! PU!"

Neal had to count to ten to maintain his composure.

"All right, when we say enough, we _mean_ enough!" Emma scowled.

"Sorry, Emma! But he was being mean to Rumple," Belle said contritely.

"Aye, Captain," Killian acknowledged her.

"Now apologize to each other," ordered Neal.

"Sorry, Killian."

"I'm sorry too," the former pirate muttered.

"But if you don't take a bath, Killian, you'll smell like pig farts," Regina pointed out.

Rumple started giggling.

"Rumplestiltskin Gold, don't you have something to say?" Neal reminded him. "You too, Regina."

"Okay," Rumple sighed. "Sorry. But next time don't call me a coward."

"Sorry, Hook. But you really needs a bath. Before you have rats nests in your hair."

"Eww! Gross!" Belle squealed.

Neal groaned.

"C'mon kids, quit bickering and just wash the dog," Emma encouraged. "She's looking good." Now that the dirt and tangles were out of her coat, Gwen looked lovely, with a thick black, gray and white coat.

Pups! Gwen shook her head.

"I ain't got rats in my hair. I've got a Mohawk! What are you, stupid?"

Regina threw a handful of soapsuds at him. "Girls go to Mars to drive fancy cars. Boys go to Jupiter cause they are stupider!"

"Where's Jupiter?" asked Belle.

"It's in the sky," Rumple answered.

"Where I'm gonna send Regina if she don't shut her fat mouth!" threatened Killian.

"Stop!" Emma cried.

"Before I count to three!" Neal warned.

At that dire threat, the bickering ceased and they finished washing Gwen together.

After they had finished rinsing the dog, Gwen shook all over, hard.

"Hey! Gweniviere, you're getting me soaked!" Neal scolded.

"I don't need a bath! Cut it out!" Hook frowned.

"Yuck! Now I smell like a wet animal," Regina groused.

"She don't smell bad," Belle refuted.

"Yeah," Rumple agreed, petting her.

_Why are you all whining? How else am I supposed to get dry?_ barked the dog.

"I'll get some towels," Rumple said, then he summoned some big fluffy ones.

Once she was dry, Emma put the flea collar on Gwen and they all trooped inside.

Neal drew Emma off into the kitchen, just as she said, "What do we do with those two? What would he have done, Neal?"

"My father?"

"No, Santa Claus!" Emma snorted. "Of course your father." Her lips pursed. "He spanked you, right?"

"Uh. . . no . . . not necessarily. See, I used to wander off quite a lot when I was little . . . I was always curious . . . and he couldn't keep up with me because his leg was wrecked . . .and one day he got tired of going nuts looking for me . . . and he . . . err . . . tied me to him with some string he had from spinning . ." Neal told her.

_"What?" _

"Yup. He said if I couldn't learn to mind him and stay where he could see me, he'd treat me like a stray goat and tie me to him."

"I know you don't want to spank them, but . . . tying them to you, seriously?" Emma cocked an eyebrow.

"I know it sounds crazy, but it works. I had a string around my wrist and one around his and all I could do was stand beside him for ten minutes while he spun."

"So . . . you want I should take Belle and you handle your father?" Emma suggested.

"That's about what I figured. Plus a nice lecture about the dangers of wandering off. I felt so guilty after that I stayed by him for days and I never left the property without permission again," Neal concluded.

"Okay, are you ready to do this? We have to do it before supper at the latest," Emma reminded.

Neal shook his head. "Okay, Swan. Let's get this over with."

They walked back into the den where the kids and Gwen were sitting, wearing stern Looks on their faces.

Rumple gulped upon seeing them wearing that face. He bit his lip certain that Bae was going to take him over his knee. _Don't cry. Only crybabies cry. Be brave._

"Uh oh," Regina said in a doomful voice.

"Now you're in for it, mate," remarked Killian.

"Stop it," Belle hissed, then took Rumple's hand. She looked up at her guardians nervously. "What—what are you gonna do to us?"

"We're gonna have a talk first," Emma said.

"Then are you gonna spank them?" queried Regina artlessly.

Rumple squeezed his eyes shut and trembled slightly.

"You both should know never to wander off alone," Neal scolded.

"You could get hurt, taken away, or worse," continued Emma. "And do you know what that would do to us?"

"You would be mad?" Rumple guessed. "You would care if we're gone?"

"Yes!" both adults said softly, wincing at the raw pain in the child's brown eyes.

"Even though we were bad?" asked Belle.

"My papa never did. He always said get lost Rumple and If I'm lucky a monster will eat your sorry carcass and save me the trouble of feeding you," Rumple recited.

"We care about all of you, even when you're bad," Neal reassured them. "Now don't start thinking like that." Neal was glad he never knew his grandfather, for he feared he'd have punched the man out.

"Cause it's bad?" clarified Belle.

"Yes, it's not good," Emma said.

"But . . . but grown-ups don't want bad kids . . ." Rumple muttered. "My papa said I wasn't worth the trouble to spit on." He looked down at the carpet.

"Do you think I was perfect?" Neal asked then.

"Uh . . . no . . .you said you got in trouble . . ."

"Right. But my papa was a grown-up and he wanted me around even when I was bad," Neal continued. He patted the little boy.

"He did? He said that?" asked Rumple astonished.

"He always said I was worth every bit of trouble," Neal recited. _Oh, Papa, I wish you could remember everything you said now._

"Am I, Bae?"

"Yes. Every bit and more," he said sincerely.

"We're sorry," Belle apologized.

" . . . and we promise to be good and . . . and . . ." Rumple began.

" . . . and not run away again," Belle finished, giving them a pleading look from beneath her lashes.

"There's something we have to do so you remember not to," Neal stated.

Rumple's eyes grew big in alarm. "Spank us?"

"No," Emma shook her head. She produced two lengths of string.

"What's that for?" asked Belle, puzzled.

She tied one end of the string about her own wrist.

"Well, when my papa wanted to remember something, he'd tie a string around his finger to remind him. And we want you to remember to never run off like that again. So . . . we're going to tie you to us for ten minutes." Neal said.

"Whoa!" gasped Regina.

"Like a dead albatross!" Hook coughed.

"I'd have taken a spanking," Regina stated blithely.

"Me too," added Killian.

"Punishment's not up to you, Miss Mills. It's up to us," Emma told him, then she tied the other end of the string around Belle's wrist. "Now, this will make sure that you always stay where I can see you."

"Because if anything happened to you, Rumple, I'd never forgive myself," Bae informed him," tying the string around his and Rumple's wrists.

"Neal's right. You're all special to us and we'd die if anything happened to you," Emma said sincerely.

Now all of them were feeling guilty, especially Rumple and Belle. "I don't want you to die." Rumple said quietly.

"Me neither," Belle reassured him.

"Good. Now, Belle, you come with me, because after this punishment, you're going to be taking a bath, you're all grungy," Emma stated.

"Man, this punishment of yours sucks!" Killian remarked, grimacing.

"You have to take one too, young man," Neal interjected.

"No way!" Hook cried, and ran off to hide under the bed.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Guess he likes being a petrie dish."

"Yuck! With germs," Belle grimaced.

Neal bit his lip. "Okay, that's enough. I'll settle with Mr. Jones later. Rumple, come with me and we'll set the table."

Rumple wondered how hard it would be to set a table while attached to Bae's arm.

Neal handed Rumple a bunch of napkins and laid a plate down. Rumple put a napkin next to it. Then Bae put down a glass while Rumple put down a fork. It was awkward, but managable.

It was odd for Belle to have her wrist tied to Emma when she picked out clothes. Emma opened the drawer and peered inside. "Which top d'you want?"

"Umm . .. the blue one," Belle pointed to a pretty blue ruffled one.

Together they chose a matching blue skirt and leggings. Emma laid it all out on the bed.

As she did so, Belle murmured, "I really won't run off again. I only did it to prove Rumple was brave."

"I know, sweetie. But you could have gotten hurt," Emma reprimanded gently. "And we know Rumple's brave." _He sacrificed himself for his son, and there's no love greater than that._

"But Hook and Regina were making fun of him. I hate seeing him sad."

"I know. We're working on that, Belle. We really are."

Belle started to cry. "I hate when he thinks nobody wants him around. I do. And when we get married he'll never have to worry about anything again."

Emma hugged her. "I know what it's like to grow up feeling like you're not wanted. But now I've got Henry, Neal, and you guys for my family," Emma said sincerely. "And I'm sure you'll do great together." She then cut the string. "Okay, sweetie. You're off your punishment. Now let's get a bath."

"I like baths," Belle giggled.

"Me too," Emma grinned.

As she ran the water, Belle went and got the bubble bath.

While she was doing that, Rumple finished the table with Neal, and then Neal cut off his string too, saying, "Okay, now remember this and don't make me do this again, buddy."

"I won't," Rumple assured him, and then he hugged Neal. "I just . . . wanted to prove I was brave."

Neal tweaked his nose. "Listen to me, Rumple. You don't need to do anything to make people think you're brave, because I know you are."

"How?"

"Because I can see it. Here," he tapped his chest, then Rumple's.

"But Bae, I'm afraid all the time," Rumple admitted sadly.

Neal took the child in his lap on a kitchen chair. "Hey, being brave isn't not being afraid. Being scared keeps you alive. It's doing something in spite of being afraid that makes you brave. Like stepping in front of Belle to save her from that wolf. Or . . . or taking a curse to save someone," he murmured softly. _"That's _true bravery." _And you've got it in spades, Papa. Something I never realized till now. And God, am I sorry._ He breathed in the soft scent of Rumple's flyaway hair and thought how odd second chances were. And how grateful he was to have this one.

He sat that way with his father cuddled in his lap until the door opened and Henry called, "Hey, Ma, what's for dinner?" A second later he heard, "Wow! We got a _dog!"_

Rumple scrambled out of Neal's lap, limping across the linoleum. "Henry! Henry, her name's Gweniviere! And I can talk to her!"

"Cool, Rumple!"

"I wish I could," grumped Regina.

Rumple eyed the little girl. "You can . . . if you just shut up and listen. You talk too much."

"I do not!"

"Do too!" he declared. "Now shush! And listen!"

Gwen woofed.

"She said hello," Rumple translated.

"I just heard a bark," Regina complained.

"You gotta listen with your heart. Not with your ears," Rumple instructed. "You'll understand if you do that."

"It's _hard."_

"Not if you shut up," Rumple sighed.

"I didn't say nothing!"

The child sighed, exasperated. "You did too! Up _here!_" he tapped his head. "You gotta be quiet in here. And just . . . listen."

"I think what he means, is you have to clear your mind, Regina," clarified Henry. "Don't think, just be."

Rumple nodded. "Yes! Like that!"

"Then why didn't ya say so?" huffed Regina, annoyed.

Rumple scowled at her. "I did! Pay attention, dearie!"

Henry burst out laughing.

Gwen barked again. _Silly pups! Not everyone can hear me, Rumple. Because not everyone has the Gift. But you do. For you, it's easy as breathing. But not so for everyone._

"I can't hear her!"

"It's because you don't have the Gift and I do. Gwen says so."

"Aww, what does that dumb dog know?"

"She's not dumb! You take that back!" flared Rumple.

"Hey, don't fight," Henry said. "You'll get in trouble." He looked at Regina. "I can't talk to Gwen either, but that doesn't mean I can't like her just the same. And I'm sure you'll be able to do things that Rumple can't."

"I still wanna talk to dogs," Regina sulked. "It's no fair!"

"Neither is life. Now just shut up and deal," Rumple said quietly. "My papa used to say that."

"Your papa was an idiot!" Regina snorted.

"Yeah, he was," Rumple sighed. "But sometimes he was right." Then he went into the kichen where Neal was cooking and asked, "What's for dinner?"

"Uh . . . spaghetti with marinara sauce and meatballs," the older man replied.

"Mmm! I like that!"

"Good. Then after you eat, it's bathtime."

Rumple looked pleased.

But under the bed, a certain little boy grimaced.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Over dinner, Henry chattered to his parents about how they'd acquired the newest addition to the household, who was now lying beneath the table across his feet. "I never thought I'd come home and find a dog here."

"She sort of found us," Emma chuckled.

"And we gave her a bath," Belle declared proudly.

"Speaking of baths," Neal cleared his throat.

Hook edged off down the hall as they began to clear the table. He wasn't taking any bath!

Rumple just shook his head. Killian's fascination with dirt totally confused him to no end. Did he like smelling like a horse's ass? Rumple didn't get it. Though he couldn't remember all that much before coming to live with the spinner sisters, one thing he did remember was the dirt and cold and sleeping on the floor of taverns that stank of wine, stale food, piss and other disgusting things when his father had gambled away their money for food and a decent bed. Back then baths had been few and far between, and Rumple would never forget how dirty and grimy he'd felt.

It was why he'd developed such a loathing of dirt and why he was content to have a bath as often as possible.

Neal ran warm water into the tub and had Rumple stay to watch the water while he went and found Hook.

Hook had crawled under Neal and Emma's bed and was refusing to come out.

Neal stood beside the bed and called, "Okay, Killian, quit playing hide and seek and come out."

"No! I don't want no bath and you can't make me take one!"

Neal sighed. "You've got till three to come over here or else it's a swat and time out."

Hook stubbornly remained beneath the bed.

"One."

"But . . . Ba-a-a-e!" whined the child.

"Two."

Realizing his peril, Hook crawled out from beneath the bed. "You're mean!"

Neal chuckled. "Kid, I didn't like taking baths either when I was your age, but I didn't want to get germs . . . or stink."

"I like how I smell!" Hook put in, scowling. "I don't wanna be a girly girl, like Rumple."

"Being clean isn't being girly, it's sanitary," Neal told him. "And if you don't take a bath, people will all run away from you because you smell worse than a dead horse. There's stuff you can use, that you'll like. Girls like it too." He winked at the child.

"Like what?"

Neal plucked a bottle of Axe cologne off his dresser and sprayed himself with it. "It's called Axe. See how good it smells?"

Hook sniffed experimentally. "I like it!"

"Good, then let's take a bath with it," said the older man and they went into the bathroom, where Rumple was waiting beside the tub, and had turned off the water. Neal went and got his Axe bodywash out of the cabinet and put some in the water.

"Don't you guys watch the commercials on TV?" he asked, running the water again to create a lather. "This stuff brings the girls to you."

"Can I have some, Bae?" asked Rumple.

Hook snickered. "You wanna wear it for Belle."

"Yeah, well least I have a girlfriend!" Rumple said indignantly.

"Don't need one!" Hook shot back. "I can get any girl I want, Rumplestiltskin!" _If I wash with this stuff, maybe Emma will come running to me._ He jumped into the tub, splashing Rumple as he did so.

"Hey, watch it!" Rumple said, before climbing into the tub himself.

"Aww, quit whining, ya baby!"

"Don't start, you two!" Neal ordered exasperatedly.

"I wasn't!" objected the small sorcerer. "_He_ was!"

"And _I'm_ finishing it," Neal interjected.

"Whiner!" Killian taunted.

Rumple glared at the other boy like he wanted to drown him.

"Killian, quit baiting him," Neal said sternly.

"Killjoy!" Killian grumbled.

"All right, enough!" Neal frowned. "Now let's get you washed up." He lathered a washcloth and began to help Killian and Rumple scrub themselves. He washed the two's hair, gently rinsing them off with cups of warm water from the faucet, then he let them play with some toys Rumple had conjured—a rubber duck, a pirate ship, and a big whale.

Killian wanted to play with the pirate ship, but Rumple was doing so, and he grabbed the ship away from the smaller child. "It's _my_ turn!"

"You could ask! You don't have to take it like that!" Rumple cried.

"A man who can't take what he wants, deserves what he gets," sneered Killian.

"Give it back!" Rumple went to grab the ship and splashed Killian in the face.

Killian promptly splashed Rumple in the eye with some soap suds. "How'd ya like that, ya turd?"

Rumple squeezed his eyes shut and cried. "My eye!"

"Aww, dammit!" Neal swore. "Hook, you were way out of line doing that! That was uncalled for!" He knelt and grabbed a clean cup and filled it with water. "Rumple, let me see, buddy."

"It stings! Oww!"

"I know, let me rinse it," Neal persuaded.

"I ain't taking a bath with this baby turd!" Hook yelled, then he jumped out of the tub.

"Get back here, young man!" Neal cried as water splashed his arm.

"Make me!" Hook yelled, and then he darted out of the room, naked as a jaybird.

As he raced down the hall, dripping water everywhere, he bumped into Regina.

"Hey! Watch where you're-aaahhh!" she screamed.

Neal jerked up at the sound of that shrill banshee wail. "Jesus! Hook, c'mere!" He handed a wet wash cloth to Rumple. "Stay here, buddy. Killian Jones, get back here! You're starkers!" He ran out of the bathroom, leaving a sniffling Rumple covering his sore eye with the washcloth.

"BAE! HOOK'S RUNNING ROUND NAKED!" Regina howled.

Emma heard the screams just as she was coming out of the bedroom with Belle, helping her get in new pajamas, and saw a naked Hook come running towards them.

"Oh, Jesus! Hook!" She reached over and covered Belle's eyes.

"Put some clothes on! Ya think we wanna see you like _that_?" snapped Regina.

"Emma, why you covering my eyes?" Belle asked.

"B'cause Hook's naked!" Regina informed her.

"Oooh, you're not supposed to do that," Belle scolded. "You need to act like a gentleman."

"I bet you wouldn't cover your eyes if it was Rumple!" Hook announced.

Emma burst out laughing. "Oh . . . my . . . God!"

Neal rushed into the hall with a towel in his hand. "C'mere, you rascal! Emma, I'm sorry, I couldn't catch him. He threw soap in Rum's eye."

"Did you hear what he just said?" Emma giggled. "I just about peed my pants!"

"Uh . . . did I miss something?" Neal asked, then he shrouded Hook in the towel.

"What'd you do to Rumple, you jerk?" asked Belle angrily.

"Is Rumple okay?" asked Emma.

"Now he is." Neal answered. Then he picked up his runaway imp and said softly in disapproval, "And you and I are going to have a serious talk again, mister!"

"Oooh! You're gonna get spanked!" Regina chanted.

"Good!" Belle snapped.

"Shut up!" Hook cried, though he feared they were right.

"Excuse us, ladies," Neal said, and returned to the bathroom.

Emma took Regina by the hand and removed hers over Belle's eyes. "C'mon, let's go watch TV."

"Where's Henry?" asked Regina.

"Playing his video game," replied Emma, and ushered them into the den, turning up the volume on the TV to drown out any sound of Neal punishing Hook.

"Okay! Let's watch cartoons!" Regina cried.

"I wanna watch Beauty and the Beast," Belle whined.

"Aww, not again! I wanna watch Snow White!"

"Cause you like that mean old queen," pointed out the bookworm.

"So? Princesses are boring. All they do is clean and sing. And the prince is dumb," Regina declared.

"Yeah, he is. That's why Beauty and the Beast is better."

"Sorta," Regina sighed. "Why they gotta make all the princes' dumb?"

"Maybe cause they're all cousins," Belle mused.

"Then they come from dumb parents," snorted the little queen.

"Or it's like when you have puppies too close . .. you get stupid ones," Belle reported. "And Belle's not dumb."

"No, but she's not related to any princes." Regina looked thoughtful. "Belle, you think the beast got dumb when he turned into the prince?"

"No, cause Belle wouldn't marry any dumb guy," she said.

"I'm not gonna marry one either. If he don't have brains, I don't want 'im."

"Me neither. That's why I'm gonna marry Rumple. Cause he's got more brains than any boy I know." Belle stated.

"Yeah, he does," agreed Regina.

Emma turned on Beauty and the Beast for them to watch, laughing softly. These kids were a trip and a half!

**Page~*~*~*~*Break**

In the bathroom, Bae was sitting down with Hook on his lap, scowling at the little mischief maker. Hook was pensive, his lower lip sticking out. Rumple was still in the tub, playing.

"C'mon, Bae . . . don't spank me, please?" Killian pleaded. '_Specially not on my bare butt!_ He still didn't have clothes on, just the towel.

Neal looked unhappy. "You think I want to do this?"

"No . . ."

"But I warned you what would happen and you kept teasing Rumple," he lectured. "And you chose not to listen to me."

"Uh huh. I'm sorry," the boy apologized. His big eyes filled with tears. He didn't want to get spanked, especially not bare, and especially not in front of Rumple.

Suddenly Rumple spoke up. "Please don't spank him, Bae."

Neal looked at him. "Aww . . . I don't want to, but . . ."

"He's sorry. It's okay."

Hook was amazed that the boy he'd teased was defending him.

"Okay. I'll let it go. This time."

Killian relaxed slightly then he turned and held out a hand to Rumple. "I really am sorry, Rumple. Your eye still hurt?"

"Nah, I healed it while Bae was chasin' you."

Hook held out a hand. "Friends?"

Rumple took it and muttered," Friends."

_Well, look at that. He's actually learning his lesson,_ Neal thought in shock. He smiled at them and then said they should get dressed.

He was still smiling when they all trooped into the den and found Emma and the girls watching Disney movies. As they all jumped on the couch, Emma said to him, "So what put that smile on your face, Neal?"

"Rumple and Hook have decided to be friends. It's like a mini miracle."

"I'd say," Emma glanced over at the boys, who were sitting together with Regina and Belle on either side. "And we're starting to get this parenting thing down too."

"I'm trying," Neal admitted.

"We both are and it's looking pretty good so far, but damn, these guys don't make it easy."

"I don't think I ever did either."

"I never did for any of my foster parents," Emma said ruefully. "And not all of them were terrible either. Your dad made it sound so easy."

"Believe me, I know it wasn't. Because I know what I was like as a kid. And Emma, I was no angel." Bae chuckled.

"Me neither."

"I drove Papa crazy, and I swear, if I'd had any other parent, I'd not have been able to sit down for half my childhood . . . and I would have deserved it."

"You and me both," the savior grinned. "But our kid . . . he turned out great, and now we have to make it up to him."

"Yeah, and we will." He looked at Rumple, snuggled inbetween Belle and Hook, and murmured, "And not so incidentally, I can make up for being an ass to him when he first found me. I let my anger at falling into that portal cloud my judgment, Emma. I forgot . . .how it was between us . . .how he took care of me all those years. We didn't have much, but we always had something to eat, and clothes, and each other. I never went to bed hungry or cold—he made sure of that. And the other thing . . . he always made sure I knew I was loved. He worked his ass off for me to be both parents and I never really appreciated that . . . until now. I still don't know how he managed it."

"By putting one foot in front of the other," Emma smirked.

Just then Regina called, "Hey, let's make some popcorn."

"And I'll make some tea," Neal agreed.

As he and Emma got up to go into the kitchen, the kids were discussing a few things.

"Me and Belle wanna protest," Regina stated.

"Bout what?" Rumple wanted to know.

"Bout how dumb the princes are in these movies," the dark-haired girl sighed and waved a hand at the TV.

"So whatcha gonna do about it? It's a movie. It's been made," Rumple pointed out.

"Yeah, but sometimes they give the wrong message, you know," Belle said seriously.

"I know. They make people think all the good guys are handsome with titles and lots of gold and that's who the girls need to get for husbands. None of 'em show anything about guys who work hard and are smart and love their families and they ain't all that great-looking. It's like nobody wants them." Rumple frowned.

"That's what I mean. I like a guy who's smart and you're really smart, Rumple," Belle beamed at him.

Rumple blushed and looked at his feet.

Hook rolled his eyes. "Jezz, whyn't you get married already?"

Rumple smirked. "Because we're little kids, silly!"

"Duh!" Regina snorted.

"Ah, shuddup!" Hook snapped at her.

Regina coughed. "You shut up, nekked boy!"

Rumple giggled at that.

Hook glared at him. "You shut up too!"

"Everytime somebody's right and you're not, you tell them to shut up," began Rumple.

"So what?"

"Maybe you ought to try _talking to 'em_," suggested Rumple calmly. "Make them understand you better. You get into less trouble that way."

"I don't talk much," Hook admitted. "Cause I sound stupid. I don't read like you guys."

"You're not stupid," acknowledged Rumple. "Though sometimes you are wrong. But hey, I could teach you to read . . . if you want."

"Really?"

Rumple nodded. "Do you?"

"You mean it?"

"I don't usually say stuff I don't mean," the small sorcerer replied.

"It's fun," Belle added. "If you can read, you can go anywhere in the world . . . and not have to pay for it."

"Well, first you gotta learn the alphabet," Rumple explained.

"You mean the ABC's," Hook clarified.

"Yeah, you gotta know them first, because words are all made up of letters," Belle said.

"I know what they are. My old nanny made me learn 'em. I just forgot cause I wanted to sail the seven seas like my dad and brother," Hook said.

"A good sailor should know how to read . . . else people will cheat him outta everything," Rumple said.

"I don't want that."

"Who does? I can teach you tomorrow. I need to ask Bae for some stuff first."

"Goodie!" Hook clapped his hands. "Now what was Regina saying bout a protest?"

"i think we should tell the people who make these kid movies to stop making the princesses all pretty and saying you gotta be like that to be happy," Belle put in.

"Yeah, and they're all dumb and too sweet," Regina added. "The evil ones ain't dumb."

"Yeah, it's annoying!" Rumple agreed. "I mean, who wants some dumb girl to play house with?"

"So you think you gotta be evil to be smart?" Hook mused.

"Maleficent and the Evil Queen weren't dumb. Snow was cause she opened the door when she wasn't supposed to and ate the apple from a stranger," Regina pointed out. "Now that was _dumb_!"

"Yeah, but Gaston was dumb. He thought he was pretty, but he sure was stupid," Belle remarked. "Ugh! I'd never marry an idiot like that!"

"A lot of bad guys are dumb. I think we should make our own movie," Rumple said.

"Oooh, yeah!" squealed Regina. "I wanna be an evil queen!"

"I wanna be a pirate," Hook added.

"I wanna be a smart princess that goes on adventures," Belle giggled.

"And I wanna go with you on 'em," Rumple said. "I'm gonna be a powerful sorcerer who loves brains over beauty and his family over anything . . . like I wish my papa had." He said wistfully.

"We can play dress up and everything," Regina said excitedly.

"But we gotta ask Emma first," Belle reminded them. Then she yawned. "T'morrow. Right now m' tired."

The others all nodded, for they were too.

When Emma returned with the popcorn and Neal with the tea, they found all the kids asleep on the couch.

"Wow! They're out like lights!" Emma exclaimed.

"Yeah. Guess that bath really knocked them out," Neal said. Then he winked at Emma. "So . . . let's put 'em to bed and have some alone time, babe."

"Sounds good to me, Cassidy," Emma chuckled wickedly, and then she set the popcorn down so she could pick up a child and tuck them into bed on the air mattress.


	9. Back to Basics

**9**

**Back to Basics**

After breakfast that day, Emma went to work and Henry to school, Neal decided to do the laundry, because with so many kids, the laundry was getting out of control. He had the four kids start out watching TV on the couch, but after two hours of cartoons, Rumple grew bored and recalled his promise to teach Killian how to read. So he jumped off the couch and said to Neal as he was folding clothes, "Bae, I need some paper an' a pencil."

"How come, buddy? You wanna draw something?"

"No. I need it so's I can teach Killian to read."

Neal arched an eyebrow. "You're gonna what?"

"Teach Killian how to read, so's he doesn't feel stupid and people don't cheat him outta stuff," Rumple reiterated.

"Uh . . . okay . . . let me find some for you." Neal said, thinking what a funny request that was. Then again, his father wasn't an ordinary child by any means.

After Neal had gotten the paper and pencils for Rumple, Rumple went and got Killian and together the two tots sat down at the table.

"Okay, Killian, let's say your ABC's . . ." Rumple instructed.

Hook thought for a moment. He hasn't said them in awhile and fears he's forgotten then or he'll look stupid in front of the other boy.

"C'mon, I'll say them with you," Rumple encouraged. He began to sing the familiar tune. "A, B, C . . ."

"A, B, C," Killian began haltingly. "Errr . . . E . . .?"

Rumple shook his head. "Nope. You forgot D-as in dog."

"D? Does E come after that? I . . . don't remember . . ." he looked at his hands, ashamed. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten his letters. He waited for Rumple to laugh at him.

But the little sorcerer just said, "Okay, let's say them together. Ready?" He began to sing the song again.

Hook tried to sing along but he was terribly out of tune and became frustrated when he sang the letters out of order. "I can't do it! I'm gonna be dumb like all those princes in the movies!"

Rumple shook his head. "No . . . maybe you just can't sing. So . . .err . . . let's try something else." He thought for a moment, recalling something the spinner sisters used to do with him. He didn't know what it was called, but it had been a fun game. "How about this? A is for _apple_. B is for _brave_. Now you try, Killian. What's C stand for?"

Killian thought. "Umm . . . C is for . . . crocodile!"

"Crocodile? Umm . . . yeah it does, but . .. why'd you pick that? I thought you'd say cookie or something," asked a puzzled Rumple.

Hook scratched his nose. Then he replied, "Umm . . . I had a funny dream last night. Not scary or nothin' just . . . weird. I dreamt there was a funny man, a grown-up with gold skin and leather pants, he had skin sorta like a crocodile's and his clothes were like that . . . and he had a funny giggle . . . see, it's weird. But anyway, that's why I said that."

"Okay . . ." Rumple frowned because Hook's description sounded eerily familiar, but he couldn't place it. He shrugged, then continued his lesson. "Err . . . so how 'bout D is Dog. I like dogs."

"Me too. I like Gwen," Hook said. Gwen was asleep in the den on the floor. Rumple had helped Neal feed her this morning, and they had all taken her for a walk earlier.

"Umm . . . E . . .eat?" Hook guessed. Then he shook his head. "No . . . E is for . . . _Emma_ . . ."

Now Rumple did laugh. "You really like her don'tcha? But she's Neal's girlfriend . . . and a grown-up!"

Hook sighed. "I know. But she's really pretty. I wish . . . I had a girlfriend like you have, Rumple. You think if I get smart like you I'll have one?"

Rumple thought for a minute. "Errr . . . it's not like that. Belle likes me . . . for ME. Even when I get scared and stuff . . .you gotta find a friend like that . . . who likes you for everything you are . . . good and bad . . ."

"You do?"

"Uh huh. I don't know how I know that, I just do," Rumple said simply.

"Well, I still wanna get smart so nobody pulls on over on me," he said.

"Okay, so where were we?" Rumple asked. "I think . . . F . . ."

"I know! I know!" Hook was almost jumping up and down. "Lemme say it!"

"Go ahead," Rumple said.

"F is for _fuck_!"

Rumple's mouth fell open. "Hook! Ooo, you swore!"

"_Excuse me_!" Neal cried, coming into the kitchen for a drink. "What just came out of your mouth, mister?"

"Umm . . . my daddy said that all the time," Hook whimpered.

"Oooo, you said _the bad word_!" scolded Regina, following Neal into the kitchen along with Belle.

"I still don't know what that means," Belle muttered.

"And you don't _want_ to know either," Neal interjected.

Regina nodded. "Yeah . . . it's re-e-eaaly _bad_."

"How do _you_ know?" asked Rumple, wondering if she actually knew what the most forbidden word ever meant.

Regina shrugged. "My mommy said it a lot, and my daddy got mad at her for it and said ladies didn't have mouths like . . . err . . .some other bad word I can't say . . ."

Hook looked uneasy. "Am I gonna get my mouth washed out with soap?"

"Oh, boy," Neal sighed. _These poor kids! What the hell kind of example did they have with their parents? Say what you want about my father, but he never used that word in front of me at this age . . . or rarely at any age . . ._ he cleared his throat.

"M'sorry," Killian gave him a pleading look. "Please don't Bae . . . I forgot . . ."

"Yeah, it wasn't like he was callin' me that or something," Rumple added.

Neal just shook his head. "Okay . . .let's just say this is a really bad word and we're _not_ going to say it again . . . or else the next time one of you does, I'm getting out the Ivory . . . and no excuses! That's a promise! Got me?" He frowned sternly at them.

"EWWW! YUCK!" all of them chorused.

"So . . ." Neal continued. "F is for _French fries_."

"I like French fries," Hook licked his lips. Hearing the words associate with the letters was making it easier for the toddler pirate to recall them.

"G is for _Gold_!" Rumple declared triumphantly.

"Kinda figured you say that," Hook giggled.

"Well . . . it is my name," Rumple said. "Now your turn. H . . ."

"H is for—_hook_!" cried Killian.

Rumple clapped. "Yes! See, you're getting it. I is for—_ice cream_! Yummy-chocolate cones!"

"J—Jones!" Hook yelled.

"K—_kitten_!" Rumple shrilled.

"L—_loot_!" Killian cried, then he laughed. "This is kinda fun! Your turn next!"

Rumple nodded. He'd always thought so too. "M—_magic!"_

Hook grinned. "N . . ._naughty!_" He laughed again.

Rumple smirked. "Yeah, you are! O . . . err . . ._octopus_. Ursula's half octopus!"

"And all ugly!" Killian cried. " I got P! That's easy! _Pirate_!"

"What you're gonna be when you grow up," Rumple guessed. "Q . . . now there's a hard one . . ._question_!"

"Umm . . . _queen_?" Hook guessed.

Rumple giggled. "Yeah, and question's right too!"

"You talkin' to me?" Regina butted into their conversation. "I'm the queen!"

Hook snorted. "She thinks."

"Okay . . . you got R, Killian."

"R is for-_Rumple?"_

Rumple giggled again, joyously. "R-right!" he rolled his R's playfully. "And I'v got S—_sorcerer_! What I'm gonna be when I grow up!"

Hook thought for a minute. "T—err . . . _turd_!"

Neal dropped the dishcloth he'd been putting away. "Killian!"

"What? I'm doin' my ABC's."

Neal sighed. "Let's try not to say words associated with stuff like that . . .how about T is for _tiara_?"

"What a princess wears!" Belle stated.

Hook huffed. "Okay! T is for tiara."

"U—another hard one." The little sorcerer declared. Then he smirked devilishly. "_Underwear!"_

Hook burst out laughing. "Holey underwear!"

"Rumplestiltskin!" Neal reprimanded, then he started laughing too thinking _It could be worse!_

"V . . . err . . . I dunno . . ." Hook groaned.

"Veggies!" Belle sang out.

"Oh . .. yeah okay," Hook agreed.

"I like veggies," Belle said.

"Some are good and some are gross," Hook stated.

"I like carrots," Regina said.

"I like sweet potatoes," Rumple added.

"I don't like brockli," Hook said, not really knowing how to pronounce that dreaded veggie.

Regina made a face. "Yuck!"

"I like green beans with butter and almonds!" Belle said.

"Corn!" cried Regina.

"I like radishes. And turnips mashed up with butter n'cinnamon," Rumple said.

"My papa used to make me eat brockli and it made me puke," Hook recalled unhappily.

"Mine used to make me eat it too, only he put cheese sauce on it and it tasted good," Neal shared, smiling at that memory. Rumple had never tortured him with food like some parents. He had insisted he try things, but if he hated something, Rumple never made him eat it.

"I love broccoli with cheese," Rumple added.

"Me too!" Neal chuckled.

"I like peas with butter," Belle said.

"What's after V, Rumple?" asked Hook.

"W," replied Rumple. "Wolf!" Then he howled like one.

They all laughed.

"Good one, Rumple!" Hook praised. "Uh . . . x . . . what starts with x . . .?"

"umm . . . that's a hard one." Rumple frowned. "Do you know, Belle?"

"X-ray!" Belle announced cheerfully. "I saw it on TV. You know—the machine that takes pictures of your bones! Doctors use 'em!"

"Eeeww!" screamed Regina.

"Yeah, that's right!" Rumple cheered. "Good job, Belle!"

"What's gross about that?" asked Belle, puzzled.

"Cause I don't wanna see my bones! Yuck!" Regina looked sick.

"Me neither!" agreed Hook.

"I think it's kinda neat," Rumple disagreed. "To see inside you without being dead."

Regina and Hook cringed.

"And they gots machines where you can even see a _baby_ inside a mom's tummy!" Belle cried excitedly.

"I'm gonna barf!" Hook groaned.

"Me too." Regina grimaced.

"Cool! What's it look like?" Rumple queried.

"We don't wanna know!" interjected the little queen.

"Why?" Rumple asked. He wanted to know.

"Cause it's 'sgusting, that's why!" snapped Regina.

"Bae, why's it 'sgusting to see a baby inside a mom?" Rumple asked the authority of such things.

Before Neal could answer, Hook chimed in with, "Next they're gonna tell us there's machines to look up your butt!"

"EEEWWW!" Regina squealed.

Neal coughed. "Uh . . . actually there are . . . but we are _not_ getting into that!"

"Good!" Regina sighed in relief. "Don't wanna hear it."

"And I don't want to talk about it," Neal said, shuddering. "But looking at a baby isn't gross . . . because the baby looks like . . . a baby."

"Aww how cute!" Belle sighed dreamily.

"Bae, are you n' Emma gonna have a baby?" asked Rumple curiously.

"I think that'd be sweet!" gushed Belle.

Neal blushed. "Umm . . . someday maybe, buddy. But I kinda want to be married before I have another kid, so . . ."

"Yeah. Hey, Rumple, what comes after X?" Hook recalled them back to their original topic.

"Y. As in—yellow!" Rumple cried.

"And the last one . . . Z . . . for zebra?" Hook guessed.

Rumple clapped. "Good! Now you know your ABC's . . ."

"Yay!" Hook cheered.

"Now you gotta write 'em," was Rumple's next instructions.

"Huh?"

"Like this. S'why I got the paper and pencils," Rumple took a pencil and then wrote an A on the paper.

Hook picked up the pencil and tried to write the letter B on the paper, only it looked nothing like one. He threw down the pencil and cried, "I even write dumb!"

"No . . you just don't know how . . ." Rumple wrote a B on the paper. "Here. Now you trace mine. That's how you learn."

Hook picked up his pencil and carefully traced the letter, pleased when it looked like it was supposed to.

"See? Good! Now C—that's easy . . ." Rumple said.

Neal watched them and remembered how Rumple taught him his letters and numbers long ago . . . and thinks-_he still hasn't lost his touch. He's just as patient now as he was then. And I'd forgotten about that . . .he was a good teacher . . . I used to always get up and down . . .I couldn't sit still for anything . . .__I probably had ADHD or something, now that I think about it . . . but he never yelled at me, well except the time I spilled a whole pitcher of water all over the table because I was fooling around instead of doing my homework . . ._

Hook remembered that C was part of a circle and he drew a circle with a space in it. "Is that right?"

Rumple looked. "Yup! That's right!"

The toddler pirate smiled. "This is fun!"

"Told you so," Rumple smirked.

"Let's play dress up," said Regina to Belle.

"Oh, goody!" Belle smiled.

"Let's go see what Emma has in her closet!" Regina muttered and dragged Belle from the room.

The two little girls ran into Emma's bedroom and threw open the closet doors. Then they stared at the rows of pants and shirts and a leather jacket and shoes on the floor.

Belle frowned after a minute. "I don't see any dresses."

"Maybe she don't wear 'em?" Regina speculated.

"All girls wear dresses."

"I ain't seen Emma wear one," Regina pointed out.

"Why not? She'd look pretty."

Regina shrugged. "I dunno. But look! Here's a sparkly shirt! It's like a dress on me!" She pulled down a sequined purple top from it hanger and draped it over herself. "Whoo hoo! I'm a queen!"

Belle found a tank top in a deep blue color. "Here's one that looks like a dress." She put it on and it fell past her knees.

"Ooh! Now we're in style, girlfriend!" Regina clapped. She twirled around in her new "clothes".

"We gotta do our hair up real fancy . . ." Belle reminded her.

"And shoes, can't forget those!" Regina reminded her.

"ooh, look at these!" Belle picked out a pair of stilettos that were sparkly. "These'll go good with your dress, Regina!"

"Yeah!" Regina put them on.

"And I'll have these!" Belle said, and picked out a pair of blue ones to match her shirt.

"Now let's find some hair stuff!" Regina said, and tromped over to the dresser.

Belle stood up on tiptoe and peered at the things upon it. "Uh oh . .. she doesn't have any barrettes. How am I gonna put my hair up?"

"Umm what about these doohickeys?" Regina handed Belle some hair ties.

"Okay," Belle tried to sweep her hair up and tie it in a twist, but it came out all sloppy and strands are dangling everywhere.

Regina found some bobby pins and stuck them all over her head, trying to pin up her short hair. But she only succeedded in making herself look like the Bride of Frankenstein.

"How do I look?" she asked Belle.

"Umm . . . neat," Belle said. "Okay, let's go show Rumple!"

They tromp out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where Killian is working on tracing the letter K.

"Hey Hook!" Regina called. "Lookit our new fashions!"

The boys look up . . . and their mouths fell open.

"Err . . ."

"Uh . . ." Hook stared at Rumple.

"Rumple, do I look good?" asked Belle. She was wobbling all over, barely keeping her balance in the too big shoes.

"Umm . . . you look . . . really . . . interesting, Belle," Rumple managed to say, not wanting to hurt her feelings. "'cept the shoes are too big," he added kindly.

"What are you supposed to be, Regina? Medusa?" asked Hook with his usual bluntness.

"Nuh uh! I's a pretty girl, you dumb pirate!" Regina said crossly.

"I ain't dumb!" Hook glared at her. "What's all those metal thingies stickin' outta your head?"

Before Regina could answer, Rumple noticed Belle was in danger. "Watch out, Belle! You're falling!" He jumped down from his chair to help her.

Belle found herself falling forwards.

Rumple grabbed her and they both ended up falling onto the floor together, with Belle on top of the little boy.

"You saved me again!" Belle exclaimed, smiling down upon him.

"Uh . . . yeah, I guess I did," Rumple smiled back. He was a little sore, from landing on the floor with Belle on top of him, but he wasn't complaining.

"And all heroes get kisses!" Belle chuckled.

"GROSS!" chorused Hook and Regina.

Belle ignored them, however, and planted one right on Rumple just as Neal walked in with some towels he needed to fold in the laundry basket.

"Oh . . . my . . . _God_!"

"Cootie alert!" Regina shrilled.

"Oh, shut up!" Belle snapped.

"Uh . . . _what_ is going on here?" Neal asked, thinking _be careful, do you really want to know the answer? Papa, in heaven's name!_

"They's playing house . . . _again_!" Regina said disgustedly.

"Lord!" Neal moaned.

"Uh no . . . Belle was fallin'. And Rumple caught her, but didja really have to let her _kiss_ ya, Rumple?" Hook explained.

Rumple turned and looked at Killian. "Like . . . yeah . . . it's what heroes do. Kiss ladies."

"Well, I wanna be a villain, cause they don't havta worry about kissing and getting cooties!" declared Regina. "Yuck!"

"I dunno . . . kissing seems kinda nice," Hook remarked.

"It is," Rumple replied, still on the floor.

"Well, _I'm_ not kissing _ya_!" Regina turned up her nose.

"Uh, are you two okay?" asked Neal. "And what are Emma's shoes doing in the kitchen?"

"We was playin' dress up," replied Regina.

"We borrowed them." Belle admitted.

Neal looked at Regina and Belle closely for the first time . . . and cracked up laughing. "Oh . . . oh . . . Jesus . . . I'm gonna bust a gut . . ." He leaned against the counter, laughing hysterically.

"What?" Regina looked annoyed.

"You look like Medusa," Hook repeated.

"And you look like a butthole," retorted Regina.

"Did you stick your finger in a light socket?" queried Rumple.

"Quit making fun of me, Mr. Gimpy! I look pretty!"

Gold sighed. "Okay . . . the dress looks pretty, right, Belle?" He was being honest.

"Yeah, it does," Belle agreed.

"That's better. When I'm queen, I'm gonna make everybody say I'm nice!"

Hook shook his head. "You ain't never gonna be queen!"

"Are too! My mommy said I was!" Regina said belligerently.

"But Regina . . . in order to be a queen you hafta marry a king," Belle objected. "And you never want to be married . . ."

"So? I'm gonna be a queen all by myself."

"Can you do that?" asked Belle doubtfully.

"My mommy says I can."

"I never knew that," Belle said thoughtfully, and got off Rumple.

"You supposed to be a bookworm and you don't know that?" Regina asked in disbelief.

"Hey! Name me one queen who wasn't married to a king!" Rumple challenged.

"Lizabeth of England," replied Regina promptly.

"Who's _that?"_ Rumple asked.

"She was this queen who didn't have a king and no kids either, a long time ago . . .dunno how I know that," Regina answered. "They called her the . . . V-virgin Queen."

"Bae, is that true?" asked Rumple.

"Yeah, she's right, buddy. Elizabeth I had no husband, she didn't want a guy telling her what to do . . . so she never married . . . and she was a good ruler . . ."

"An there was Catherine the Great too . . . she had a king but he was dumb so she kicked him off the throne," Regina reported.

"I'd do that. I don't want a dumb husband," Belle made a face. "Eeeww!"

"What are you worried about?" Hook snorted. "You're gonna marry Rumple."

"And share cooties," Regina giggled.

"Be quiet!" Rumple ordered. He sat up slowly.

"Rumple, you okay?" Neal asked, concerned.

"Umm . . . my butt hurts a little," the little boy winced and put a hand to it.

"If you get Belle to kiss it, I will puke!" Regina announced.

Rumple scowled, his little brows drawing down. "Don't be disgusting, Regina! I don't need anybody to kiss my butt!"

"I wouldn't anybody to really do that, just do what I say," the former mayor acknowledged.

"Good, 'cause I ain't never doin' that to _nobody!_" snapped Hook.

"Me either!" Belle agreed.

"C'mere, buddy," Neal picked up Rumple and put him on a chair with a pillow beneath him. "Better? Or do you need an ice pack?"

"Nope. I'm good," Rumple said shyly.

"Least he didn't hurt his nuts," Hook said matter-of-factly.

"Gross!" Belle cried.

"What? Just sayin'. Once when I was on my dad's ship, I fell on some wood there . . .and it hurt so bad . . ."

"Didja cry?" asked Regina curiously.

"Uh . . . you know how bad that hurts?" Rumple asked. "'Course he cried . . . anybody would."

"Err . . . yeah . . . I did . . . a little . . ."

"Ouch!" Rumple winced in sympathy. "Bet that hurt like the dickens."

"Yeah . . . I couldn't walk for like . . . an hour . . . and that was the first time I really remember my daddy holding me long . . .

"Is it true if you hit a guy there he can't have kids?" Regina wanted to know.

"Yeah, sometimes," Neal winced.

"Well, nobody better hit Rumple there, 'cause he has to have kids," Belle said firmly.

"Yeah, thanks, dearie," Rumple smirked.

Neal almost died laughing again.

"Yeah, well if a boy makes me mad I'm gonna hit him and kick him there!" Regina growled.

"I'm stayin' away from you!" Hook blurted.

Regina gave him her famous Evil Queen grin. "Just don't make me mad, Hooky, and you'll be okay."

"I won't!"

"And if you hurt Rumple again, I'LL kick you there!" Belle said fiercely.

Hook cringed.

Then Rumple spoke up, he'd been pondering something. "Bae, you'd never make Emma mad enough to kick your nuts in, otherwise you ain't having anymore kids!"

"Oh my God, Ma!" Henry cried as they walked in the door just in time to catch Rumple's comment. Henry started giggling.

"What brought this on?" Emma asked, laughing so hard her stomach hurt.

"Uh . . . Rumple fell down . . . and Hook said it was a good thing he didn't hurt himself there . . ." Neal's lips quivered.

"Oh God . . . the things these kids say . . . are those my shirts?" she asked once she had stopped giggling. "And what on earth did you girls do to your hair?"

"Umm . . . we wanted to look pretty," Belle said.

"We was playin' like we was queens, Emma," informed Regina.

"Why don't ya have any dresses?" was Belle's next question.

"I like pants better," Emma coughed.

"But don't you wanna look pretty for Bae?" asked Belle innocently.

"Yeah, kid, but he likes me in whatever I wear," Emma smirked. _Or don't wear, _she thought wickedly.

"That's true. Emma's beautiful in anything she wears," Neal seconded. "So what brings you two home early?"

"I had half a day. Standardized testing," Henry yawned.

"And I just found out something when I looked at the potion book at Gold's shop," Emma said. "We need to go to the convent, Neal, and talk to Nova."

"About what?"

"Something I read in the potion book," Emma replied evasively.

"Okay, we'll go after lunch then," Neal agreed, and all the kids clapped.

All but Rumple, who recalled only too well who else lived at the convent . . . and he didn't want to see the Blue Butt Muncher again. But maybe he'd get lucky and she'd be taking a nap or something. Besides, she wouldn't dare try anything with both Emma and Neal around and Nova.


	10. Swept Away

**10**

**Swept Away**

Emma and Bae opted to do something simple for lunch and made everyone peanut butter and jelly on whole grain white bread and had apple slices and popcorn with it, since that was what they had the most of in the apartment. Rumple walked Gwen with Henry before they were supposed to leave, and then he hugged the large dog before giving her some Beggin' Strips and saying, "Now you be good n' just take a nap, okay, Gwen? We'll be back soon."

The dog wagged her tail and sent _Yes, I will sleep, pup, while you go out. Be safe! _Then she licked the boy's entire face.

"I love you, Gwen," he said, giggling.

_Love you too, Rumple! See you soon!_ Then she took her treats and went and lay on the floor in front of the TV to eat them.

"She's a good dog," Henry said to his small grandfather.

"Uh huh." Rumple said, pleased. He helped Henry hang up her leash on the small wall hook beside Neal's coat. Then he said to the older boy, "You comin' with us to the convent, Henry?"

"Uh . . . I can't. Got a big test in history I have to study for," he said regretfully. "But I'll see you later, Rumple."

"Okay." He gave Henry a high-five.

"Okay, kids, is everybody ready to take a car ride?" called Emma.

A chorus of "Yes!" and Regina yelling, "The bus's leaving!  
echoed through the apartment.

Hook frowned. "What bus?"

"She means the car," Rumple explained. "C'mon. Let's get in the car. I call the window."

He limped out to where Emma's Bug was parked and waited for her there. Hook followed. "Wonder why we gotta go to the convent?"

"I dunno. I just hope we don't see the Blue Butthole there! Looking at her face makes me wanna puke!" Rumple said feelingly.

"Me too! Bottom feeder brat!" Hook snorted.

Soon they were joined by Belle and Regina, and then Emma and Neal.

It took them ten minutes to get to the other end of town, where the convent was. Once they were there, Emma and Neal decided to leave the kids for a bit in an empty classroom . .. it was actually the same one they had been in originally, though without the toys . . . while they went to discuss something about the potion with Nova.

"All right . . .we're going to go talk to Nova and we want you all to stay right here and be on your best behavior, okay?" Neal asked the children.

Four small heads nodded in agreement.

"And if you're good, maybe we'll get some ice cream later," Emma added.

"We'll be good!" Rumple vowed. "Won't we?" he asked his companions.

They nodded again, thinking of the delicious ice cream cones they would be devouring if they held up their end of the bargain.

Neal was smiling. Both he and Emma were becoming experts in deal making with the toddlers. He was certain it would make his father proud once he took the potion and turned back into an adult again.

Once the adults were out of the room, the four children looked at each other, wondering what they should do while Neal and Emma talked to Nova. They were in a classroom and there were no toys to play with.

Regina huffed and sat down at one of the desks. She hadn't even been there ten minutes and was bored.

Belle opened a book on one of the desks and started reading.

"Killian…you wanna practice writing words now?" Rumple suggested to the little pirate. "We can write 'em on here," he said, indicating the chalkboard.

"Okay." The pirate picked up a piece of chalk.

"Okay…write 'cat' on the board. You remember what letters it has in it?"

"C…A….T." Hook began spelling the word on the board. His writing was still sloppy but he'd spelled the word correctly.

"Good…now let's try a big one." Rumple smiled. "Write 'pirate'," Rumple instructed. "Do you remember what letters go in it?"

"Uh huh. P…I...R...A…T…E," Hook recited and wrote.

I wanna write on the board!" Regina cried.

"You can write over there," Rumple said, indicating the opposite end of the chalkboard.

"Oooo, they gots colored chalk. I'm gonna draw a picture!" Regina exclaimed, grabbing several pieces of colored chalk. She started drawing a picture of an apple. "You wanna draw Belle or are you gonna sit there with your nose stuck in a book?"

"I'm reading 'bout those queens."

"Really? Lemme see!" Regina cried and looked over Belle's shoulder. "They dress funny," the former Evil Queen observed. "An' she don't look like a Virgin Queen," she added, pointing at a picture of Elizabeth I.

Hook frowned. "How do you know what a virgin queen looks like?"

"I just do!" Regina said angrily.

"C'mon guys, don't fight. We promised Emma and Bae we'd be good and if we break our deal we're not gonna get any ice cream," Rumple reminded them. "And I really want ice cream. Don't you?"

"Yeah," Hook agreed and turned to face the chalkboard again. Rumple was challenging him to spell longer words each time he got one correct.

"Oooo, I thought I heard babies in here," they all heard a familiar voice say from the doorway of the classroom, chills running down their spines. "Gold Gimp, Pirate Pansy Ass, Boring Bookworm and Queen Reject," Blue recited with a sneer.

"The Blue Butt Muncher!" Belle cried fearfully and jumped out of the desk, running over to Rumple.

"Yeah, go on and run to your little boyfriend, Bookworm."

"You watch what you say to my girl, Butt Muncher, or else!" Rumple threatened.

"Or else, what, Gimp?" Blue challenged.

"Or else I'm gonna wipe this floor with your blue butt!"

"Oooo, I'm soooo scared. Bring it, Gimp!" Blue taunted.

"We're all gonna bring it, you loser!" Regina yelled and used her magic to slide one of the desks over to the fairy, knocking her down.

"Yay, Regina!" Hook cheered.

Rumple concentrated and levitated the girl into the desk chair and created a pile of superglue on the seat. She screamed as she tried to free herself from the sticky trap. "Step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly!" he taunted.

"You-you rotten piece of horseshit!" Blue howled. "Just you wait! I'm gonna rearrange your ass and your face, Rumplestiltskin!"

The fairy laughed and a wand appeared in her hand. She waved it over the desk and banished the glue.

"Aww crap, she's got another wand!" Hook complained and picked up a book, throwing it at the girl's hand. She howled with pain and the wand fell to the floor.

"All right Hook! Nice shot!" Rumple crowed and high-fived him.

The fairy snatched the wand up and pointed at Hook. His hook flew off his hand and caught him by the seat of his pants, suspending him in the air. "Try and pick out that wedgie, you little creep!"

Rumple waved his hand and gently lowered Hook back to the floor.

"Thanks buddy," Hook said gratefully.

"Anytime." Rumple said with a smile.

Regina glared at the fairy and cast a spell that lifted the girl off her feet and turned her upside down. "I see London, I see France…I see the Blue Butt Muncher's ugly underpants!" she recited.

The others burst into laughter.

"Where'd you get those holey underpants, Blue?" teased Rumple. "The convent charity bin? Look, there's stains on them!"

"Ooh, did you have a accident?" sneered Regina. "You wet yourself, Butt Muncher?"

"Maybe she had diarrhea!" Belle chimed in.

More laughter followed that statement.

"I'm gonna make you little shits pay for this!" the fairy sneered.

Belle crept out from behind Rumple and ran over to where Blue was being suspended in the air to try to take the wand from her.

Belle, be careful!" Rumple cried out, he and Regina combining their powers to hold the fairy while Belle retrieved the wand.

Blue blasted the girl back but Belle rose to her feet and reached for the wand again.

It started to glow as Blue commanded it and a bright green portal opened behind her opponent.

"Look out!" Hook screamed in warning.

Belle stepped back and screamed as she felt herself being pulled in.

Seeing Belle in danger forced Rumple to lose his focus on the binding spell he and Regina were using on the fairy and he ran over to her side, grabbing her hand. "Hold on Belle, I've got you!" he cried.

The fairy waved the wand and the binding spell was broken. She waved it again and sent Hook and Regina flying over to the portal.

Regina grabbed Rumple's hand. Hook was terrified. He only had one good hand but he needed two to help his friends. "Rumple…can you make my hook strong enough not to fall off? I can grab something with it and try to pull you out!" he cried.

Rumple cast a strengthening spell on the hook. Hook gripped the leg of one of the desks with that arm and grasped Regina's hand with the other.

"Nice try, but don't think so," Blue said, sending a blast at the desk.

It fell into the portal along with Hook, Rumple, Belle and Regina. She could hear their terrified screams as the portal vanished. "Hasta la vista….babies…" she sneered, relishing her victory.

Still smirking, she ran out of the classroom. _That'll show them brats who the real magician is in Storybrooke!_

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

The portal opened up and dumped the four toddlers and the desk out into the middle of . . . a field surrounded by trees.

Quivering with fear, Rumple stood up and helped Belle up also.

"Rumple, where are we?" she asked, looking around.

"I . . . don't know," he admitted. "The Blue Butthole threw us into a portal. And I don't have a clue where we could be."

"We could be anywhere, mate," Hook said, also climbing to his feet.

Regina glanced around. "Well, we're in the woods somewhere. What do we do now?"

"Umm . . . my papa always said if I was lost to stay where I was so a grown-up could find me," Belle recited.

"Then maybe we oughta do that," Rumple mused.

"But Rumple, who's gonna come find us?" Regina objected. "Emma and Bae don't even know we're missing!"

"Yeah. They don't," Hook realized glumly.

"I wanna go home, Rumple!" Belle sniffled. She used to want to go on an adventure, like she read in one of her storybooks, but now all she wanted was to be back safe and sound at home in Storybrooke.

"It'll be okay, Belle," Rumple said with more confidence than he felt. His knees were knocking together, but he leaned on his cane so it wouldn't show. "We just gotta . . . find out where we are."

"And then what, Mr. Brilliant?" demanded Regina.

"Then we'll figure something out," Rumple declared. "One thing at a time."

"Which way should we go, mate?" asked Hook.

"Umm . . ." Rumple frowned hard. "That way," he pointed off to the west.

As they all started walking in that direction, Regina growled, "When I see that Blue Butt Muncher again, I'm gonna make her wish she were never born!"

"Me too!" Rumple agreed. "Maybe we ought to shove _her_ through a portal!"

"To Davy Jones' locker!" Hook added.

"What's that?" asked Belle.

"It's what seamen call the bottom of the ocean," Hook replied.

"Or a cage in some zoo! As a blue butt baboon!" Rumple snarled.

They had just reached the perimeter of the tree line when they heard something crashing through the trees off to the east.

The children froze.

"What's . . . _that_?" Belle whimpered, clinging to Rumple.

"It sounds huge," hissed Regina.

They heard more snapping and crushing sounds and the tromp of huge feet. The earth trembled.

So did Rumple. "That . . . is _not_ good, dearies." His hair was standing on end. "Something wicked this way comes."

"I don't wanna see it!" Hook cried. He pressed closer to his companions.

Suddenly the trees shattered and broke and a huge head poked from them, followed by an equally huge body the color of old cheese, white with green patches on its skin, and a mouth full of tusks and small piggy eyes.

Regina gasped. "N-No!"

"It can't be!" Belle cried, putting a hand over her mouth just in case she screamed. She grabbed Rumple.

"Ogres!" Rumple gulped hard.

"What do we do?" Hook asked, panicked.

"Hide!" Rumple ordered. "Hide away like mice!"

"Where?" Regina shivered.

The ogre was coming across the clearing now. Soon it would see them.

"This way!" Rumple indicated a large bush. "Here!"

The four little children all scrambled into the center of the bush . . . and Rumple cast a small concealment spell on them . . . hiding them in case the ogre took it into his head to look for the children it smelled.

Its gargantuan feet tore up clods of earth as it stomped across the meadow, its nose twitching, and streams of drool dripping from its jaws.

The ogre paused close to their hiding spot, sniffing the air, then giving an irritated bellow.

Soon it was joined by two others, and they all sniffed, snorted, and bellowed angrily, furious that they could smell tasty morsels but not see them.

The petrified children were frozen inside the bush, praying that the evil monsters would pass them by and not try and find a quick meal by hunting for them.

The only good thing about this situation, Rumple thought as he curled up into a ball with his cane across his knees, one arm around Belle, was that with the appearance of the ogres he now knew where they were.

They were back in Fairy Tale Land.

He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed his spell would hold, while in the meadow the ogres growled and gnashed their teeth and tore apart trees with their bare hands and left holes in the ground with their ugly oversized toenails, frustrated that they could smell children but no longer find them.

_Bae, where are you? I really really need you!_ the little sorcerer whimpered, more terrified than he had ever been in his life . . . save for one time.

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter was written with a lot of help from CJ Moliere! Thanks so much for her input! Hope you all like . .. and what do you think will happen now?**


	11. Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

**11**

**Out of the Frying Pan . . . Into the Fire**

_Nova's office:_

"So we need to ask you a favor, Nova," Emma entreated the fairy who was Acting Mother Superior in Blue's place since she was now a child again. "Or do you prefer to be called Astrid?"

"Nova is fine, Emma," the fairy said with a gentle smile. "That is the name I was born with."

"Right. Anyway, the reason we're here is because I need a . . .safe place to give them this new potion, once I brew it. And also . . . I need some fairy dust."

Nova frowned. "Fairy dust? But you didn't need it the first time."

"Yeah . . . and the first potion didn't last on half the kids I gave it to," Emma reminded her. "That's why Rumple, Regina, Belle, and Hook are kids again. So I went back and looked at the potion recipe in Gold's shop again . . . and I saw a note in his hand that says that any potion is strengthened by fairy dust. He wrote that a . . . tisp of dust will do it."

"A tisp?" Nova repeated. "What's a tisp?"

"Hell if I know," Emma sighed. "Here. This is what he wrote," she showed Nova the page with the recipe and the note.

Neal peered over her shoulder. "Emma . . . oh good Lord!" he started laughing.

"What's so funny, Cassidy?" she demanded.

"You and your tisps," he snickered. He pointed to where Rumple had written the note in the margin. "That's not tisp. It's _one teaspoon. Tsp._ is an abbreviation for teaspoon. Cook much, Swan?"

"Shut up, Neal!" Emma snapped, chagrined. "You and your father and your abbreviations! You're as bad as those IM people and their crazy acronyms."

"LOL, Emma!"

"Neal, I swear, if you don't quit smirking I'm going to take Rumple's suggestion and do something you'll regret a hell of a lot!" she threatened.

Neal backed away. "Take it easy! You want to have some more kids someday, right?"

"At this point . . . it's debatable," she returned crisply.

Nova looked from one to the other and murmured, "Is this what they call a . . .lover's spat?"

"No, this is a disagreement," Emma clarified. "A spat would be me kicking him out of the bedroom and making him sleep on the sofa. A _fight_ would be me kicking him in the family jewels and then out on his ass in the street."

"And we're _so_ not going there!" Neal interjected.

"You'd better believe it . . . dearie," Emma returned, smirking evilly.

"Oh. I see," Nova said, blushing. Though she wasn't sure she did. "So . . . you want a teaspoon of fairy dust?"

"Yeah, if you can spare it," Emma nodded.

"Oh, I think we can," Nova agreed.

"Good. I'll tell you when we need it," she said gratefully.

Then she rose and said to Neal, "Okay, time to get the kids and get them their ice cream."

"Yeah . . . if they've been behaving," he agreed.

He followed Emma down the hall to the classroom where they'd left the children.

"Guys, let's go have some ice cream!" Neal called as he entered the room.

But he was met with silence instead of eager squeals. Because the classroom was empty.

Emma stopped short and almost crashed into Neal. "Uh . . . where are they?"

Neal stared about him as if expecting the kids to appear out of thin air. "They're gone! Dammit, they broke their deal with me! Papa, how could you!" His fists clenched. "Now when I find them, I'm gonna tan all their hides, the little brats!"

"Uh . . . Neal . . . maybe they're not missing . . . maybe they just . . . went to the bathroom or something?" Emma speculated.

"All at the same time?" Neal growled. "I cannot believe this!"

"Relax . . . you're jumping to conclusions," Emma soothed. "And really, you just threatened to spank your own father . . . isn't that kind of odd?"

Neal ran a hand through his hair. "I know . . . I'm just so ticked off . . .I'm not thinking straight . . .okay, let me check the men's room."

"Neal, this is a convent," Emma reminded. "Do they even have one?"

"Well, let's look in whatever they DO have," he said exasperatedly.

Neal entered the bathroom and came out a few moments later, looking disgusted. "Emma, they're not there. Dammit all! They're pushing all my buttons with their wandering off!"

"Don't worry, we'll find them," Emma repeated, trying to remain calm. The last thing they needed was her flying off the handle too. She had never seen Neal so agitated before, usually he was calmer than she was.

"Yeah and when we do some little kids aren't gonna be able to sit down for five minutes! C'mon, let's look down here". He went down a long hallway, peering into the rooms they passed.

"Where the hell could they be?" Emma wondered aloud, following her boyfriend.

"I don't know." After ten minutes he was beginning to panic. "They _have_ to be here, where could they go? I mean, they can't drive and even Papa can't magic himself places yet."

She was starting to feel Neal's frustration

They passed a nun and asked her to help them search. Emma looked at Neal. "Maybe they're playing hide and seek? They are kids."

" Yes, but they know we don't have time for this!" he snapped, frustration lining his brow in deep furrows.

"Okay, okay. Calm down before you have a stroke, Neal. Or I do."

"No wonder Papa tied me to him. The amazing thing is that he ever undid the knot!"

"We'll find them even if we have to tear this place apart stone by stone," she said determinedly.

Neal nodded. "Emma-I have a bad feeling about this . . .what if . . . they're kidnapped or . . . or something? Why would Papa break his deal with me like that? He knows better. He might be a kid, but he . . .he's not like I was . . .well not much . . .and he always kept his deals before . . . even as a spinner . . .except once . . ."

"And he regretted that."

"Yeah he did. He said he regretted it as soon as it happened . . . and I believed him. Emma, something's not right." Neal was growing more and more worried by the moment.

While they were searching, they spotted Blue walking down the hall, in her school uniform, her hair flowing down her back in neat waves.

"Hey, Blue. You didn't happen to see . . . err . . . Regina, Rumple, Belle, and Hook come by, did you?" Emma called hopefully. Perhaps she had seen them?

"Those losers?" Blue said scornfully, tossing her head. "Oh, I saw them all right, and sent them on a little trip." Her voice fairly oozed satisfaction.

Neal was instantly suspicious about her gloating attitude. "You what? What do you mean, kid?"

"Just through a little portal," she replied, sounding as if she had sent the kids out for lunch.

Neal nearly had a stroke. "You _what?" _he shouted, horror stealing over him. "You sent my toddler father and his friends through a _portal_? Are you freaking _crazy_?"

The fairy shrugged. "So what?"

Emma was shocked. "So what? What's that supposed to mean? They're little kids, how could you do that?" She had always assumed that the Blue Fairy was the epitome of goodness, but after these pat few days, she was beginning to think she'd been horribly mistaken.

Blue eyed her with a supercilious sneer. "They're babies, annoying brats, so I sent them back to where they came from . . . the forest."

"Back to the Enchanted Forest?" Neal repeated incredulously. "But they're _kids,_ they're helpless, and there's all kinds of trouble they could get into alone!"

He couldn't believe this was happening. It was like a nightmare.

"They can take care of themselves. The Evil Queen and the Dark One have magic. Not that I care. You ought to be glad you're rid of them," she sniffed.

Neal exploded. "You rotten judgmental bitch! You've just condemned babies to die! How DARE you call yourself GOOD?"

"I _am_ good, you retard! _They're_ evil!"

"Blue, no matter what they did as adults . .. they're innocents now, they're NOT evil . . .they've never hurt anyone . . . and now they're stuck in a place where . . . oh God, Neal! There's ogres still running around there . . . one almost killed me and my mom!" Emma gasped, recalling what had happened when she had first visited Fairy Tale Land with Snow.

"They deserve what they get," Blue declared coldly.

"You're a piece of work, you know that? Thought you were supposed to believe in second chances for _everyone_? Guess that only applies to people you think _worthy_ of them, huh? Why'd you help me all those years ago?" Neal snapped hotly.

"Because you needed to escape the Dark One."

"I didn't want to e_scape_ him . . . I wanted to _save_ him . . . he was cursed, I wanted my father back!"

"He wouldn't have come back, moron!"

"What do you mean, he wouldn't have come back? You said in order to get him back I had to go to a land without magic with the bean. You _lied_ to me about that! Why?"

"He will always choose power. That's the nature of the Dark One," Blue snorted.

"But . . . he chose power to SAVE someone-Neal. And all those other kids who were dying in the Ogre Wars. That's not power for himself-it's power to HELP others. It was the wrong kind, but his intentions were good. And . . . he's told me before . . . it's intent that matters . . ." Emma refuted.

"He toys with words like he does people," Blue sneered.

"No! You're wrong! He was desperate to save me! And the other kids! He was a good man . . . who just wanted to save his kid! He wasn't toying with anyone. Y_ou_ weren't there! I was! I know my father! He was a _good _man . . . a gentle man . . . he didn't want the dagger for himself-he even said so. He said, Just think of me with this power, this magic-I could save people-you and all those other children . . .and nobody else would die . . .That's what he said . . .and he was afraid of Zoso . . . Zoso . . . tricked him . . ." It was then that Neal realized something . . .he had been wrong too, saying his father cared only for power . . .his father had always cared about one thing, and one thing only-his family.

Emma glared at the fairy. "We're going to get them back, and _you_, you little brat, are not going to hurt anyone again!"

"That's right, you're not. C'mere, you bratty blue bug! We're going to Nova and you're going to tell her what you just did . . . and we're going to find a way to get my papa and Belle and the others back . . . and _then _I'm gonna tan your hide till it glows like Rudolph's nose!"

"You can't spank me!" Blue squawked, backing away, for Neal looked as if he was going to start spitting fire.

"Like hell I can't! You did it to my papa and called it discipline. I can do the same-for a better reason. I call it justice!" He lunged for Blue, grabbed her and tossed her over his shoulder. "Because nobody hurts my family, I don't care if you're the Goddess of the Universe!"

"Put me down, you asshole!" the fairy spat, struggling to get out of Neal's hold.

Emma scowled. "Watch your mouth! You're supposed to be a nun and you swear like that?"

Neal whacked her behind. "Better quit it, or I'll take you over my knee right here and now, kid!"

"Oooh I'm soooo scared . . .you hit like a girl, Baelfire! And maybe you're a coward too like your papa!"

"You won't be saying that in a little bit . . . trust me . . .or don't you remember how you bawled your head off last time? Let's go, Emma. The longer they're trapped there, the more something bad will happen."

"Don't care!" Blue griped, hanging upside down over Neal's shoulder.

Neal gritted his teeth. He would _not_ rise to her baiting. He would keep his temper . . . for now. "You might not, but _we_ do . . .and this time you're not going to be let off with just a sore butt . . . this time it's going to cost you . . ."

She hated all of them more than she could say. They were evil and tried to pretend to be good, even the so-called savior and this ungrateful boy she had saved from his evil father so long ago . . . all of them tainted and polluted by darkness. Otherwise they would see what she saw, and rejoice in her choice to rid them of the evil children.

"How can you just send kids into danger like that? I mean . . . they're BABIES! Little three-year olds!" Emma objected.

"Babies with dark magic! How can you care for them?"

"No! When they regressed . . . their magic did too! My papa's not dark . . . if he was . . .he'd have done something to Hook when he pushed him . . . and he didn't . . . and neither did Regina when he threw up on her." Neal pointed out uselessly.

"Okay, you little smartass, you need to learn your lesson and we're going to find those kids," Emma stated, her jaw clenched.

Neal strode down the hall, his face a thundercloud, followed by Emma, who looked like a Valkyrie.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

There'd been an increase in ogre movements in the last few hours and Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men were patrolling the woods. They moved like shadows and smoke through the heavy underbrush and paused every few feet to check their surroundings. The forest was deathly still, no birds chirped, no squirrels scurried about, no rabbits hopped, all was silent, the way it was before a predator came into view.

Robin of Locksley, chief of the band, a tall man dressed in forest green and brown, carrying his magical longbow, his brown hair cropped short and with a small beard and deep brown eyes, peered about him. "Heads up, lads, I think I hear some activity over there!"

Rumple could feel his protection spell weakening. "Can't hold . . . on . . . so tired . . ." His little face screwed up in a mask of pain and fear. "So sorry . . ."

Regina tried to recast the spell herself, but she wasn't strong enough.

Belle clasped Rumple's hand and whispered, "Hold on, Rumple. You can do it . . . I believe in you."

"So do I, mate," Hook whispered, terrified.

They could hear the ogres coming closer.

Rumple looked at them, tears in his eyes. "It's slipping away . . . like water dripping from my hands . . .I can't . . ."

Strong as he was, his body couldn't handle the stress of channeling such power too much longer . . . and though he tried his best . . . his strength was dwindling . . .

"Come on...you can do it...we can all do it," Regina encouraged.

"Help . . . me . . ." he groaned. A strange lassitude was growing in him . . .as the magic drained his energy away.

"Please don't give up..." Belle pleaded.

Rumple finally linked and drew strength from his companions-"I'm not . . . not a coward . . . just tired . . .but I think . . . we can hold for just one minute longer . . ."

Regina nooded. "Yea we can...cause we're strong..."

"Together . . . we're stronger than anything . . ." Belle spoke into his ear.

"We're best mates," Hook whispered.

"And we're not gonna be eaten by ogres . . . not today!" Rumple said firmly. The spell strengthened just as an ogre peered through the bushes at them.

"An' those ugly ogres can kiss off!" growled Regina.

Belle cautioned, " Shhh! It'll hear you!"

Robin halted. "Did you hear something?" he hissed.

Little John nodded. "Yeah. Sounds like it's coming from thataway, boss." He indicated a few feet beyond them. "Let's take a look."

Robin made a signal and all his men fanned out, searching for whatever they had heard.

"Careful, men," Robin reminded them.

Then they heard terrified screams, and they ran towards them, weapons out.

"It sounds like children!" Robin yelled. "Hurry!"

The ogre had picked up Rumple, who had fainted from overdrawing his powers and the protection spell had collapsed, revealing the petrified children.

"Rumple!" Belle shrieked, the terror palpable in her tone.

"It's gonna eat him!" Hook screamed.

"Nooo!" Regina wailed. "Leave him alone!" She tried to cast, but her mind was too upset to concentrate and her spell fizzled.

Robin took cover from behind some trees and drew his bow. He had to make this shot count. He shot . . . and the arrow took the ogre in the head.

As it toppled over, Robin ran like a blue streak and caught the child in his arms.

"Easy! I've got you," he murmured.

Rumple's eyes fluttered open. "Sleepy," he yawned. Then he collapsed again.

"Is he gonna die?" whimpered Hook.

"No! Rumple!" sniffled Belle, too overcome to say more.

"Is he gonna be okay? He used too much magic!" Regina started crying.

"Hey, it's okay. He's just sleeping," Robin told him. "How the heck can a little kid like him do magic though?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "He's a sorcerer . . . don'tcha know anything?"

"And he's brave! He saved us all from the ogres!" Belle put in.

"He's a hero and our friend!" added Hook.

Robin smiled at the trio. "Yeah, I can see that."He looked around and saw that his men had driven off the other ogres in the vicinity. "Come on kids, I'd best take you back to my camp. You can tell me your story there . . . and this brave lad can get some rest in safety. He reminds me a little of MY son."

"You have a son?" Hook queried.

"I do. His name's Roland. He's about your age," Robin replied easily.

"You think he'll play with us?" Hook asked hopefully.

Robin chuckled. "I think wild horses couldn't keep him away, lad. He doesn't get the chance to play with too many kids his own age at our camp."

Regina clapped her hands. "Yay!"

Belle smiled. "Do you have anything to eat? I'm hungry."

"Yes, just wait till we get to my camp," Robin said, then he took some secret paths through the forest known only to him and his men.

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

Once they returned to Robin's camp, Robin made a bed for the unconscious little sorcerer out of some unused straw from their own beds and wrapped him in warm blankets while Little John started a pot of stew for supper. To tide the hungry children over, he gave them each some bread to eat that had been given to them by supporters in a nearby village. Rumple's three friends stayed by his side, Belle holding his hand in hers. "He should wake up soon. You needn't worry," Robin assured them but they all were worried. Rumple had been so brave, using every bit of magic he had to protect all of them….a true hero and they tried to give him some of their own strength as well.

"Where'd all those kids come from, Robin?" Little John inquired.

"I don't know but the one that's sleeping is a sorcerer…a powerful one too from the looks of it. They were all hiding from the ogres so I'm thinking their parents were probably killed by them. And they'll be good playmates for Roland," he added thinking how much his son needed to interact with other children but his status as an outlaw made it difficult.

"I'll go get him." Robin lit a small campfire for the children to sit around while they ate their stew.

Minutes later little Roland ran up. "Papa, you found more kids for me to play with!" he cried excitedly.

"Yes I did. This is ummm…"

"I'm Regina."

"I'm Belle."

"Am I'm Killian but everybody calls me Hook."

"Why you got a hook on your hand?"

"Cause I don't got a hand. A crocodile took it off."

"Owwww….that hadta hurt! Didya cry?"

"Nah."

"Who's he?" Roland asked, indicating the sleeping Rumple.

"That's Rumple. He's our friend," Regina explained.

"And he's really brave," Belle added.

"Why's he sleepin?"

"Cause he used a lot of magic to help save us from the ogres," Hook answered.

"He can do magic?" Roland asked.

"Uh-huh. An so can I," boasted Regina. "Wanna see?"

"Yeah."

"Now Regina, you be careful," Robin cautioned.

"What you want me to do, Roland?"

"I dunno. Can you make me a new toy?"

"Sure. What do you want?"

"Anything I guess."

Regina concentrated and a stuffed bear appeared in her hands. She handed it to him.

"That was nice of you, Regina," Robin said softly.

"See….we can do good stuff with magic…not like the Blue Butt Muncher!"

"Who's the Blue Butt Muncher?"

"She's a mean fairy who sent us here 'cause she hates us," Rumple said as he sat up. "Ummm…where are we anyhow?"

Belle, seeing that he was awake, threw her arms around him. "I was so scared that ogre was gonna eat you but you were so brave!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "If you're gonna kiss him just do it already!"

Robin burst into laughter. "What?"

"Oh yeah…they like playing house all the time." Hook said. "Aww yuck, there they go again. C'mon mates, cut it out!" he whined as the two toddlers kissed while Robin stared in amazement and Roland was confused.

"Well I'm gonna marry Rumple when I get big," Belle declared.

"Yeah and you told us how many times already?" Hook complained.

You got chased by ogres? How'd you get here then?"

"Cause your papa shot the ogre and killed him dead. He was real brave too!" Regina said with a smile.

"My papa always is. You wanna play a game or something?"

"Yeah. You still tired Rumple?" Hook asked his friend.

"I'm okay. What do you wanna play?"

"Bad Egg!" Hook said with a grin.

"How we play it?" Roland asked.

Hook explained the rules of the game and they began to play, Robin watching with a smile on his lips. Having more children with the group would complicate things a bit but he didn't care since it made his son happy. His own run ins with magic users had been unpleasant to say the least. The two little magical users in their midst now had done nothing but good things. The boy tried to save his friends from the ogres and the little girl made his son a new toy. As a father, he now felt it was his duty to protect them from those who wished to harm them or exploit their talents.

After a few games of Bad Egg, the children huddled in front of the fire again and told their story, shocking though it was. They claimed they'd been in the Land Without Magic, living with a couple named Emma and Neal as all but little Rumple called him and recalled all their strange adventures including their battles with the fairy they called the Blue Butt Muncher and had the whole camp howling with laughter.

"Okay, time for bed," Robin said. The children protested until the outlaw gave them the Look given by all parents and crawled into their makeshift beds all of them fighting sleep. While the adults dozed around them Rumple could hear a melancholy tune being played on a set of pipes, a tune that chilled him to the bone.

"You hear that?" Regina asked, crawling out of her bed followed by Hook and Belle. Roland lay asleep beside his father. They nodded.

Rumple also got up and followed them, sensing the presence of another magician only one with dark magic. "Regina, Hook, Belle! Wait!" he cried, limping behind them as fast as he could. They came upon a cloaked figure dancing around in a circle as he played his pipes. As the figure lowered his hood Rumple took a look at his face and gasped in shock.

**A/N: Okay . . . who is this they've encountered now? Thanks to everyone still reading this story, I'm really glad you like it! And once again thanks to CJ for helping me write this chapter. She'll probably be helping me with all the future ones so this is a note to that effect for all of them!**


	12. Daddy Dearest

**12**

**Daddy Dearest**

**A/N: I'd like to prequel this chapter with a trigger warning for implied child abuse, child slavery, and some rather bad language (from a certain nasty individual). Nothing graphic, still a heads up.**

A tall boy with sandy brown hair and green eyes stood there in a patchwork cloak that seemed to shift in the moonlight. He wore green and brown clothing, tunic, pants, and boots and a belt with a dagger strapped to it. He was handsome, around seventeen, with an engaging smile. He eyed Rumple knowingly, then said softly, "Well, hello, laddie."

The words were innocuous, even welcoming, yet they struck a deep chord of fear into the little boy's heart, because while the words were not threatening, the man speaking them was. Rumple shrank backwards and whimpered fearfully, "P-Papa?"

Hook was puzzled. "Huh? How can he be your papa? He's a kid."

Granted he was older than they were by at least thirteen years but still a kid.

Belle sensed there was something off about the adolescent standing there and shivered as well, sharing Rumple's terror.

"Looks like you've been given an age reversal spell. Interesting," Pan drawled.

"Who're you, mister?" Regina demanded rather abruptly. There was something about this youngster she didn't like, something that made her skin crawl, though he looked like a decent kid.

"Allow me to introduce myself," he said with a flourish. "I'm Peter . . . Peter Pan." He arched his eyebrows and smiled wickedly. This little girl had strong magic also and he had need of it since the sands in the hourglass were falling rapidly and his magic was fading with them.

"_You're _Peter Pan?" Hook blurted. "The boy who never grew up?" He had heard stories from his brother and other seamen about the legendary youth who could fly.

Rumple shook his head. "It's not like the stories . . . he did grow up . . . then he left me to become a kid again . . .he sent me away to become young . . ." His gaze dropped to his shoes.

"Whatta jerk!" Hook jeered.

"You'd best be watching that mouth, boy, or you'll lose it," Pan's genial smile vanished, replaced by a look of harshness and icy cruelty.

Rumple bit his lip, but managed to say, "Don't . . . don't you hurt him, Papa!" in as an assertive voice as he could manage.

Pan snorted, amused. "What do you intend to do about it, hmm? You, the little itty bitty coward!"

Rumple cringed, the old fear stalking him, and for a moment he said nothing and did nothing as it overwhelmed him.

Belle came and put her hand in his. "He's not a coward and you're an imbecile!"

"Yeah, you're a horse's ass!" sneered Regina.

Pan flicked his wrist and sent both girls flying across the ground.

"I never did care much for girls."

Belle's knees were scraped and she cried, "Rumple!"

Rumple was brought out of his stupor at her cry. "You . . . you . . . _hurt_ them! Leave them _alone_!" he yelled, and his anger caused his magic to flare and he abruptly formed a mini energy ball and chucked it at his smirking father.

Pan flew backwards as the energy ball slammed him in the stomach, knocking him almost off his feet. He brushed his hands down his tunic and glared furiously at his son. "You little shit!"

"Is that the only word ya know, ya fucktard?" Hook snarled, using a word he'd heard his daddy use several times to people who irritated him.

"Oh I know plenty and I can do plenty more," Pan promised, his green eyes icy cold.

Rumple ran to help Belle and Regina, healing them of their scrapes and giving them a hand up from the dirt.

Pan waved his hand and several vines burst from the ground and wrap about Hook, squeezing him tight.

Hook thrashed futilely, caught fast. "Help!"

"Getting a little uncomfortable there?" taunted the Boy Who Never Grew Up.

"Rumple, help him!" gasped Belle, her blue eyes wide.

Rumple looked up and saw his friend's plight. Getting angry all over again with his papa's little "games", he cried, "I _said_, KNOCK IT OFF!" He waved a hand and the vines withered away, releasing Killian. Then he gestured and a wind gust blew up and slammed into Pan, sending him flying across the clearing.

Pan was angry. Even regressed, when fueled by emotion, his son's magic was very strong. Damn child prodigy! He thought and then conjured a rock and took a vial of squid ink from a pocket of his tunic and coated the rock, then lobbed it at Rumple. "So you wanna play with fire, laddie?"

Regina cried, "Rumple! Watch out!"

Rumple saw the missile, but couldn't get out of the way, his weak and injured leg preventing him from dodging the rock. He tripped and fell and the rock struck him in the chest, smearing him with squid ink.

"I'm sure you remember what this is, laddie," Pan giggled.

Rumple stared in dismay. "No! Squid ink!"

"Exactly! And for those of you who don't know . . . he's going to be, shall we say, a little . . . incapacitated. BOYS!" he shouted. "We have new arrivals!"

Rumple felt the squid ink start to immobilize him and his limbs grew heavy as the ink spread through him.

"Don't you hurt Rumple, you big dumb . . . bully!" Belle snapped, coming over to glare at the older boy.

"You think I'm afraid of you, girlie?" Pan whooped. "You think you can stop me?"

"I can try!" Belle faced him, unafraid.

Felix and the other Lost Boys appeared in the clearing. "You called?" the older boy asked, giving his boss a sly smirk.

"Take our . . . guests back to camp," Pan ordered, waving at the four children.

Regina crept up and whispered in Belle's ear, "Don't fight 'em, Belle. Not yet. We gotta wait."

Belle subsided, recognizing the wisdom in the other girl's words.

Felix went and peered at Rumple, who was lying on his back on the grass, his little cane beside him. "Is that . . .?"

"It is," Pan said smoothly. "My son has come home to me."

Felix smirked. "What about the others?"

"We'll find some use for them. Keep an eye on my laddie and the dark-haired girl especially. I'll need their hearts."

Regina gasped. "Belle, he needs your heart! What for?"

"Oh, not hers . . ." Pan turned to regard the two girls. "_Yours . . ._Evil Queen."

Regina stiffened. She was really beginning to dislike this kid. And his stupid names for them. "I ain't evil, butthole!"

"But . . . the little blue-eyed beauty may be useful as well," Pan mused, his gaze lingering on Belle. "We'll see." His lips curled in a devious grin.

"Go to hell, Papa!" Rumple cried, greatly daring, for he was helpless under the squid ink's influence, as were all magic wielders.

"Oh, no, you first!" Pan laughed. He was now in a good mood since he had the upper hand. He summoned the shadows to do his bidding and they each picked up a Lost Boy and one of the smaller children, and he picked up his son, and they flew off to Neverland, second star to the right and straight on till morning.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

While the Lost Boys and their new "guests" relaxed in the camp in the middle of the Dark Jungle, Pan retreated to Skull Rock to confer with the spirit of Neverland.

In the camp, while the other boys played games like hurley and practiced shooting at targets, the small children gathered around Rumple, who had been dumped unceremoniously beside a small tree, like an unwanted item of clothing by his uncaring adolescent father.

The trees in this place were thick and their trunks overgrown with moss and creeping vines, their branches lush with foliage. The air was hot and humid, making the four children sweat in their clothes, for their clothing was spring weight, and too heavy for this tropical paradise. Belle tugged at the collar of her dress, a pink one with a sweetheart neckline and lace along the hem with heart-shaped buttons marching to and fro down the front. She toed off her soft leather white shoes and stood in her lacey socks.

Regina had removed her shoes as well, setting the light-up sparkly sneakers beside Belle's and unbuttoning her cowgirl vest and shirt. Hook had already removed his shoes and socks and rolled up his jeans, and tied his dinosaur T-shirt in a knot on one side so he could feel the breeze that ruffled the trees.

Poor Rumple was sweltering in his pants and little Gucci loafers. "Hey . . . could you . . . uh . . . take my shoes off?"

Hook tugged off his shoes, saying, "That okay, mate?"

"Yeah," Rumple said. "It's sure hot here. Hot as . . . err . . . Hades."

Belle knelt and tucked her small pink sweater beneath his head. "How's that, Rumple?" She also undid the little buttons on the collar of his red Izod shirt.

"Good. Thanks, Belle. Where's . . . err . . . my cane?"

"Here," Regina held it up. "Your dumbass papa nearly forgot to get it, till I reminded him."

"Stupid," Hook snorted. "Emma and Bae wouldn't of forgot."

"That's cause Emma and Bae care 'bout us," Rumple said softly. "Papa don't care 'bout anybody 'cept himself."

"Rumple, what's the ink do?" Belle asked, curiously.

"Makes it so I can't move," he sighed. "I dunno why it does that to us magic users, but it does."

"That's awful!" she said sympathetically, fanning him with a hand. "How soon's it wear off?"

"'Bout an hour or two," Rumple replied. "Maybe."

"What a butthole!" Hook hissed, glancing around for Pan.

"Who're all these other kids?" Regina wanted to know.

"Lost Boys. He takes them from their homes and brings them here," answered Rumple. "He makes them think he cares for 'em, but he lies. Just like he lied to me." Though he couldn't move, his brown eyes expressed deep heartache.

"Yeah, I figgered that," Hook replied, giving Rumple's hand a squeeze. "he's slipperier than a codfish."

"He . . . he wants our hearts," Rumple whispered then.

"Why? That's gross!" Belle wrinkled her nose.

"To keep on being a kid," Rumple said seriously.

"What do other people's hearts have to do with that, mate?" asked Killian.

"Cuz Regina and I have strong magic in ours, and he can use them to soak up all the magic in Neverland . . . like a sponge."

"That's evil!" Regina cried, horrified.

"He's crazy . . . he wants to be all powerful."

"Omnipotent," Belle said, using a word she had read in the dictionary yesterday. "Somebody ought to bonk him on the head."

"That's not gonna work," stated the former queen.

"You gotta be careful, Belle," Rumple cautioned. "He's mean and nasty . . . he likes to hurt kids . . . he hurt me all the time . . ." he felt his eyes water as he recalled all the times he had endured his papa's bad temper.

"I say we feed him to a crocodile," Hook said fiercely.

"Yeah, or chuck him in a box and stick it where they sun don't shine," Rumple added.

"What kinda box?" asked Belle. "Not a regular one."

Regina looked thoughtful. "Well, once I 'member my mama saying something 'bout a Pandora's Box."

"That's a box that holds all evil things," Rumple recalled. "It's magical."

"But it's not here," Belle sighed.

"Why can't we just put him in a shoebox with some really smelly shoes and make him spend eternity puking his guts out?" Hook said wistfully.

"Cool!" Belle laughed.

"Maybe we can turn him into a bug and step on him," Regina said.

"It won't be easy," Rumple warned.

"We can do it," Regina said confidently. "We're the super bunch."

"We gotta trick him . . . if we can," Rumple agreed. "My papa's pretty smart . . . sometimes . . ."

"So we gotta make him dumb," said Regina. "Member lots of the villains in the movies do dumb things cause they think they know everything."

"Like Gaston," Belle agreed. "And that's when the hero saves the day."

"Okay . . . I think I can do that . . . he thinks I'm a wuss . . ." Rumple said sadly.

"So act like one and then really git him," Hook instructed. "We can all do it, right?"

"Right," agreed Regina.

"We can!" Belle nodded.

"Let's kick his ass," Hook crowed.

"Yeah," Rumple murmured. He was scared to pieces but he was trying to be brave. He would prove his papa wrong.

"Cause we're friends and that's stronger magic than anything he's got!" Belle said firmly.

"It is," agreed Rumple.

Suddenly they heard footsteps across the ground and turned to see the chief Lost Boy, Felix, coming towards them. "Pan says you have to earn your keep."

Hook eyed him suspiciously. "Who're you?"

"Never you mind. I'm your boss, that's who." Felix crossed his arms over his chest. "You girls . . . I think we'll give you the washing to do."

"Wash what? Dishes?" asked Belle. Emma had shown her how to do that.

"No, clothes, stupid," Felix sneered. Then he added, as if he'd just realized something, "And dishes too."

Regina shook her head. "I ain't washing no dishes! Or your stinky socks and undies! EEWWW!"

"You got cooties?" Belle asked innocently, winking at Regina.

"HEY! He's got COOTIES!" screeched Regina.

Felix flushed. "Shut up! I do not!" Abruptly recalling he was in charge he snapped, "You'll wash whatever I say . . . or else!" He tried his best to look menacing.

Regina tossed her head. "Or else what? You gonna tell?"

"You gonna run and tell your daddy?" Belle snickered.

"Who _is_ your daddy?" Hook joined in.

"Bet he don't know!" Rumple warbled.

"Shut up!" Felix growled. "Or else we'll string you up by your hair, little girl!"

He went and pulled Regina's hair, making her cry out.

"Coward! Only cowards hurt girls!" Rumple cried angrily.

"Bad form, butthole!" Hook screeched.

Felix whirled on them. "Who asked you two crippled brats?" He glared down at Rumple. "You wanna spend the whole time here frozen?"

Rumple made a brief negative noise.

"Then get up off your butts and get to work!"

"What can I do? I only got one hand?" Hook whined.

"Well, you can haul water with the other one, smartass," Felix answered.

"And I'm frozen," Rumple reminded. "Tell my papa to let me go."

Pan approached, and waved a hand, releasing Rumple from the ink. "There! Now go and fetch us water. I want twenty buckets. Move it!" He clapped his hands.

"That's nuts!" Hook grumbled.

"I'll make it fifty if you keep complaining," warned Pan.

Rumple stood up. "Where are they?" he asked, grabbing his cane. He knew better than to buck his papa when he used that tone.

Pan conjured a row of buckets. "The lake is down that hill and if you even think about trying to get away, your girls will be hanging from the tree by their hair."

"Don't hurt them! They didn't do nothing to you! What happened to being nice to the ladies?" Rumple protested.

"They don't belong here!" snapped Pan.

"Well, _you_ brought them here," Hook pointed out.

"And all women are bitches," Pan informed them.

"Oooh, you said a bad word!" Rumple taunted.

Pan rolled his eyes. "Who cares?" Then he added, "But useful when you need something done. Now . . . _get to work!"_

"Yes, Papa," said Rumple obediently. He limped over to where the buckets were and took one.

"Aye aye . . . sir," Hook responded, though he said that last with a sneer in his voice.

He followed Rumple and grabbed a bucket, then they headed down to the lake. "I really hate that dick," he muttered out of the side of his mouth.

"You can't hate him anymore than I do," Rumple whispered.

"How'd a dick like him have a nice kid like you?" Hook queried. "You sure you ain't 'dopted?"

Rumple shook his head. "Sometimes I wish I was. It'd make sense then. But he . . . he says I'm his . . . even tho' he doesn't want me . . .he called me a ugly larvae that was draining away his youth . . . maybe 'cause I'm not good enough . . ."

"No. _He's_ the dick an' you gotta stop lettin' him make you think you ain't good 'nough," Killian insisted. "You are, Rumple . . . you're the smartest kid I ever knew . . . and he don't know his arse from his elbow."

"I . . . I don't know how . . ." Rumple felt tears gather in his eyes and he sniffled hard. Being back with his papa was making him feel terrible all over again.

"Aww, c'mon, mate, yeah ya do," Hook said softly. "Think 'bout how Bae, Emma, me, Regina, Belle, n' Henry all like ya . . . just the way ya are. An'we oughta count more n' dickless daddy any day."

Rumple giggled a little at the other boy's fresh mouth. He was starting to feel a little better already. "I guess so . . . and Bae'll come for me . . . I hope."

"He will," Hook said confidently. "Him an' Emma are gonna spank the ass off the Butt Muncher too once they find out what she done to us."

Rumple grinned. "I hope so! She deserves it. An' I wish somebody'd spank my papa too . . . he usta spank me all the time . . .'specially when he lost at cards." The little sorcerer flinched sharply at the memory.

They had reached the lake. Hook filled a bucket with water. "Oughta spank him with this. Holy crap, these are heavy, mate!" He struggled to lift the bucket with his one good hand.

Rumple was having difficulties too, because he could hardly hold onto the bucket and carry his cane at the same time. He nearly fell, before he recalled his magic. "Here," he waved a hand and Hook's bucket was as light as a feather, as was his own.

"Great!" Killian sighed in relief. "The dick gave us extra big buckets on purpose."

"Course he did," Rumple snorted. "He's lazy. He wants everybody to work while he watches. He's always been like that."

They started back up the hill.

"WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG? GET THOSE BUCKETS UP HERE!" bellowed Pan, standing on top of the hill, his hands on his hips.

"Aww keep your pants on!" cried Hook flippantly.

"I can only carry one at a time," Rumple called back.

Pan trotted down the hill. "Because you're a weak piece of slime, Rumple."

Rumple felt crushed by the callus words. "It's not my fault . . . I'm little and I have a bad leg . . ." He limped as quickly as he could.

"I'm little and I got a bad leg," Pan mocked. "There's always an excuse with you."

"It's not . . ." whimpered Rumple, feeling useless. "You don't know what it's like . . .you never had nothin' the matter with you . . ."

"I never had nothin' the matter with me!" Pan sneered. "Because I'm strong and you're a weak little whiny piece of shit, Rumplestiltskin!"

Hook's eyes flashed. Then he threw his bucket of water all over Pan. "How'd you like that . . . dickhead?"

Pan glared at the little boy, dripping wet. He dried himself than snarled, "Let's see how you like this, smartass!"

"Papa, no!"

Pan conjured a big tub of freezing water and threw Hook into it with his magic.

"Ahhh!" screamed Killian, floundering in the freezing water. "Help! Rumple, I can't swim!"

Rumple quickly beckoned and Hook was levitated out and onto the ground. He glowered at Pan. "Old bastard!" he muttered under his breath.

"Now . . . I want those buckets brought up this hill double time . . . or else the girls are next . . . am I clear?" Pan said coldly.

"Aye, sir," muttered Hook reluctantly.

"Okay, Papa," Rumple acquiesced, sensing that for now discretion was the better part of valor.

Pan flew off and left the boys to their chore.

Back at the camp, the girls were bent over large wooden barrels full of sudsy water with wooden washboards and another barrel full of clear water to rinse the clothes in. There was a clothes line stretched between two trees and a basket full of clothespins to hang the clothes on the line once they were washed. Both Regina and Belle had use a little stepladder to get the clothes hung.

A large pile of dirty laundry was upon the ground and the girls were slowly putting the items in the wash barrels.

"Eeeww!" Regina grimaced, as she dumped one into the tub. "Skiddies! Don't they know how to wipe their butts?"

Belle rolled her eyes. "They're boys, what do you expect? They pee on the floor!" She threw a dirty pair of breeches into her bucket. "And some of them don't even wear undies!" She looked disgusted.

"Gross!" squawked Regina. "I bet theys don't even take baths. They ain't got a mommy to make 'em."

"Yeah, this stuff really smells," Belle made a face. "PU!"

Regina held her nose. "BO! Eeeew! I need some Febreeze!" She pretended to gag.

Felix sauntered over. "Less talk, more work."

"Oh, kiss my butt!" Regina said sassily, wiggling hers at him.

Felix fixed her with a sharp look. "You want to be shaved bald? Get those clothes in the pot before the boys come back with the water, else you're gonna be the world's first bald babydoll!" He caressed his long knife.

"You're a mean and nasty snot!" Belle huffed. "C'mon, Gina! We'll sing us a song so's we don't get grossed out washing these . . . unsanitary objects." She put her nose in the air. "Mi-i-ss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell-ding ding . . ."

"Miss Lucy went to heaven and the steamboat went to hell-o operator," Regina warbled, dunking the clothes in the water and swishing them about.

"Please give me number 9," Belle returned. "And if you disconnect me I will chop off your behind . . .

" . . . the fridgerator . . . there was a piece of glass . . ." Regina continued. "Felix sat right on it and it went right up his ass-k me no more questions . . ."

"I'll tell you no more lies," Belle sang. "The boys are in the bathroom, pulling down their flies—"

"Will you knock it off with the dumb songs?" Felix growled. "Girls! No wonder they ain't allowed here."

"Let's sing somethin' else," suggested Regina. "I gots one." She began to sing a different song. "Oh there's no fire in the fireplace . . . There's no carpet on the floor . . . Don't try to order dinner, there's no kitchen anymore . . ."

"What's that song?" asked Belle.

"Happiness Hotel from The Great Muppet Caper," replied Regina.

"Shut up, before I knock your heads together!" Felix bawled.

Belle looked at Regina and wrung out a shirt and splashed her with water. "It's a hard knock life for us . . ."

Regina splashed her back, grinning. "Stead treated we get tricks, stead of kisses we get kicks . . ."

"Got no folks to speak up so . . . it's a hard knock row we hoe," Belle warbled, and flicked Regina with a towel.

"Once a day dontcha want throw the towel in?" Regina giggled and threw a bunch of clothes into her bucket and made a terrific splash.

"No one cares for you a smidge . . . when you're in an orphanage," Belle sang, twirling about with a wet shirt.

Felix stomped over to them. "Work! And quit that damn singing!"

Regina flicked a pair of underwear at him, "We love you, Fe-e-lix!" She gave him a big fake grin.

"Aww, stuff it!"

"Oooh, Mr. Bundles!" Belle chanted in a squeaky voice, then burst into giggles.

"Freaking girls!" Felix rolled his eyes. He turned to leave, and Regina snapped a wet pair of breeches at his butt.

"Yeoow!" he yelped, clutching it. He spun around. "Why you little—"

"Oops! You was in my way!" Regina said innocently. Then she burst into peals of laughter.

"Keep it up and I'll scalp ya!" threatened Felix and he stalked away.

"Good one, Regina!" Belle cheered and the girls high five each other.

"Man, is he dumb!" snickered Regina. "He didn't even know we was making fun of him!"

"Boys are stupid . . . 'cept Rumple and Hook," Belle said loyally.

"Thanks . . . I think," said Hook, coming up and pouring a bucket of water into the washtub.

"I'll be glad if I never see another pair of skiddies in my life!" declared Regina.

"Gross!" Rumple said, adding more water to her tub. Then he waved a hand over her wash and it was all cleaned and hung on the line.

Belle ran up and threw her soapy arms around him. "Rumple! You okay?"

"Yeah," Rumple muttered.

"That dick Pan almost made me freeze my nuts off," Hook confided to Regina.

"That other kid too . . .he said he was gonna shave us bald . . ." she commiserate with him.

"Get scrubbing, you little brats! And you two . . . more water!" Felix ordered. He came over to inspect what they had done. As he bent over to see what was left of the laundry, Hook pointed and started laughing.

"Don'tcha know . . . CRACK KILLS!"

The others burst out laughing.

Felix straightened, redfaced with temper. "Listen, you little . . ."

Rumple twirled his hand in a circle.

Suddenly, Felix's belt vanished and his breeches slid down.

"I see London, I see France . . .!" Rumple chanted. "Hey, Hook! He ain't wearin' underpants!"

"Eeew!" Regina and Belle screamed and covered their eyes.

Felix went to grab his pants and Hook pointed, jeering, "Man, Rumple, lookit the size of it . . . it's TINY!"

"Little willie!" Rumple hooted. "It's tadpole size!"

"Small paul!" Hook crowed. "Mine's bigger!"

"Just you wait, you miserable little shit . . .!" cursed Felix, groping for his pants, which seemed to slither away from him every time he got a finger on them.

"So . . . we have time to play pranks, do we?" said an icy voice.

The children froze. Pan stood behind them.

Felix managed to pull up his pants. "Little bastards!"

"Potty mouth!" Rumple taunted. "You need to eat soap!"

"That's nothing compared to what's in store for you, laddie," Pan said darkly.

Rumple backed away. "I didn't do anything."

"Oh, didn't you?" Pan purred, his green eyes hard as agates.

He flicked a wrist and Rumple was sent through the air and slammed against a tree where vines wrapped about him. A second flick and Hook joined him. "Now, lads, here's a bit of education for you," he drawled mercilessly. "These vines are like boa constrictors . . ."

"No! Let him go!" Belle uncovered her eyes and raced over to where Pan was gloating and kicked him hard . . . right in the nuts.

Peter doubled over, clutching his family jewels. "Ahhh! Bitch!"

"Go, Belle!" whooped Regina, then she ran over and kicked Felix there.

"Oooohhh!" wheezed the captain of the Lost Boys . . . crumpling to the ground.

"Now we'll see if you can have kids!" Regina sneered, then reached out and grabbed Felix's dagger. "Here, Belle! Cut 'em loose!"

Belle ran and grabbed the dagger and then bolted over to the tree and began to cut the boys free.

Regina spun and kicked the two prone boys again in the privates, screaming an Amazon war cry. "Everybody hates you, nobody loves you, so just go eat WORMS!" she promptly stomped on their fingers as she kicked them a third time.

"Holy shit! She's _killing_ me!" wailed Felix, trying to shield himself from her lethal little feet.

"This . . . is why . . . we . . . don't . . . allow . . . girls . . . here . . .!" grunted Pan.

Rumple, freed from the strangling vines, ran up and saw Pan's vial of squid ink sticking out of his pocket and snatched it up and poured it on him. "Here, Papa! Take a bath!"

As Pan felt himself stiffen, he snarled, "Fuck you, you little bastard!"

Rumple's eyes narrowed. "Eat soap, Papa!" he flicked a hand and Pan's mouth was filled with soapsuds.

"No!" Regina crowed. "Eat shit!"

Hook pointed at Felix, who was still holding himself. "Haha! You've been beat up . . . by a _girl_!" he chanted.

Regina conjured a pile of manure.

"You wouldn't _dare_!" Pan cried.

"Double dog dare!" Rumple cheered.

"Wanna bet?" Regina sneered, then she levitated some into Pan's mouth.

As Pan sputtered and gagged on the foul tasting manure, Hook grinned evilly at Felix. "Your turn, ass kisser!"

Hook grabbed the rest of the manure.

"Go ahead, shove it in!" Regina encouraged.

"With pleasure, milady!" Hook chuckled and then he did.

Felix coughed and vomited. " . . . bitch . . .!"

"Tsk! Tsk!" Rumple shook his finger at the older boy. "Now, now, dearie . . . we don't use those words to ladies . . . didn't your mama ever teach you that . . .no? But I will!" and he followed his finger with soap suds in the other's mouth.

The other Lost Boys come over to see what's going on and they start cheering the toddlers on, whooping and howling.

"What . .. what are you _doing?"_ Felix gasped, incensed.

"Enjoying this, asshole!" hooted one.

"Yeah! It's a great game . . . watch Felix eat shit!"

"We never liked it here anyway!"

"Traitor!" spat the eldest Lost Boy.

The four toddlers gave each other looks of congratulations, then Rumple said, "Let's get the hell outta here!"

They turned to run off into the jungle when Pan managed to counteract the squid ink because he was connected to Neverland's magical core.

"Fun's over!" he growled, jumping up. "And where do you think you're going, laddie?" He flew over and grabbed Rumple up by the back of his shirt.

"Lemme go!" Rumple struggled helpless, dangling in midair.

"Now it's my turn to play!" Pan crowed in a wicked tone.

Belle ran at him again. "Put Rumple down!"

Pan sneered at her and blasted her across the ground.

"BELLE!" Rumple howled, and then he turned and sank his teeth into his father's arm, desperate to get him to let go.

"Owww! You little bastard!" shrieked Pan, and smacked Rumple hard with his opposite hand, leaving a handprint on his face.

Rumple's head snapped back and he whimpered and started to cry, unable to help himself.

Pan smacked him again on the butt, snarling, "Next time you and your bitch friend try anything, you're all going to be in a world of hurting!"

Rumple cried out, whimpering, "O-okay, Papa. Leave 'em alone . . . please?"

"Why should I do that?"

"'cause . . . I'll make a deal with you," his son sniffled.

"Will you now, laddie?" sneered his father, raising his eyebrow.

Rumple gulped hard. "Yes . . ."

"What kind of deal?"

"Rumple, don't! It's not worth it," Belle cried, wringing her hands.

"Don't do it, mate," Hook pleaded.

Rumple swallowed sharply. He looked at his friends then looked at his papa. "I . . . I have to . . .you leave them alone, Papa, and . . .and I'll be your slave . . ."

"No!" Regina cried.

Pan chuckled evilly. "It's about time you realized who's lord and master here, laddie! Deal!"

"Deal! Now don't break it, Papa," Rumple whispered, and then shook his father's hand.

Pan laughed, he was so going to enjoy making his son suffer for ruining his life by being born. He snapped his fingers and a yellow tunic appeared on Rumple. "Here's your new clothes, Rumple! Yellow . . . for slaves and cowards! Bock Bock!" he flapped an arm like a chicken and all the Lost Boys laughed.

Rumple looked at the ground, ashamed.

"Felix!" Pan barked. "Make sure these behave! Cage them!"

He waved a hand and three huge wicker cages appeared, like gigantic bird cages. "Welcome to your new rooms . . . you see boys and girls, this is what happens when you're naughty!"

Felix herded each toddler into a cage. "Listen up, brats! Anyone who misbehaves from now on is gonna regret it . . . because then I'll punish Pansy Ass Rumple there!"

"Because a slave is property and can be beaten like a rug!" Pan cackled.

Belle longed to scream they weren't property or rugs but dared not for fear of what Pan would do to Rumple.

Felix put a bowl of gruel and some water into the cages and locked them.

"Where we gonna go potty?" Regina asked.

"On the floor!" brayed Felix.

"Eeew . . that's 'sgusting!" Regina cried.

"Can . . . we have a chamber pot? Or a bucket?" Belle pleaded.

"Fine!" Pan grunted and conjured them inside the cages. "But you're in charge of emptying them, Rumple."

"Yessir."

"You're despicable!" Belle cried.

"That's my papa," Rumple nodded.

"Watch yourself, laddie," warned Pan. "Or do you need a reminder?"

Rumple hugged himself, and whimpered, "No . . . no sir . . . m'sorry . . .!"

"That's better! Now come, you have some work to do . . ." he led Rumple away.

As they walked away, and the Lost Boys drifted back to their play, Hook sat down in the wicker cage and wrapped his arms about his knees. "We're never gonna go home and Rumples gonna be that dick's slave forever."

"I wish Bae and Emma will find us," Belle sniffled.

"They will . . . or they'll make Butt Muncher tell them where she sent us and bring us back," Regina stated.

"I hate Pan," Belle muttered.

"Me too. He's worse than my mommy . .. I think . . ." Regina moaned.

"What are we gonna do?" asked Hook.

Belle thought. "We gotta make Pan believe we'll do what he says."

"Otherwise he'll hurt Rumple," Regina nodded.

"I know . . . but also 'cause he won't watch us as much," Belle reminded.

"And we can get outta here," Hook agreed, catching on.

"Okay!" Regina sighed. "I'll behave . . . but I really wanna kick Pan's jewels again!"

"Me too! He should never have anymore kids!" declared Belle.

"I wanna see him eat crap again," Hook said longingly.

"That was the bestest!" giggled Regina.

The three friends walked over to the side of their cages, which were in a cluster, and joined hands through the bars.

"Let's make a pact," Killian said solemnly.

"All for one and one for all," Belle said.

"No one left behind," Regina added.

"Yeah, and we'll beat Pan at his own game!" Hook grinned, and they all shook hands.

Back at the biggest hut in the encampment, Pan pointed to a spot on the floor beside his bed. "You can sleep there."

Rumple stared at the bare floor, which looked as if it hadn't been swept in . . . years. "There? But . . . it's dirty."

"So? You're a slave. Get used to it."

"No blankie?" Rumple whined.

"No! And no pillow either so shut up!"

Pan turned to take off his boots.

Rumple looked at his new "home" and felt despair welling in him.

"Get some sleep, boy, because I want you up at the crack of dawn cleaning this place," his father said gruffly.

Rumple swallowed hard against the despair that clung to him. He wished he knew why his papa was like this to him. Shivering, he said diffidently, "You used to be nice . . sorta . . . when Mama was alive . . ."

"At least she kept you out of my hair," Pan coughed, sitting on his bed.

Rumple eyed him cautiously. "Why . . . why don't you ever want me around?"

"Why? Why? I didn't want to be a father! I told her I didn't want kids and she springs you on me anyway when we couldn't even afford to feed ourselves!" he said irritably.

" . . . but that's not my fault . . . I didn't ask to be born . . ."

"But you were, and the best damned thing I ever did was let the shadow take you," Pan told him bluntly.

Rumple felt as if he'd been punched hard in the stomach. "How can you say that? I'm your little boy!"

"A child can't have a child, Rumple. I never wanted you."

Rumple felt something break inside him. "Didn't you love me at all?" he whimpered. "Even once?"

"No! I wanted to be _free_ of you and the burdens that came with you! Got me?" snarled his father.

Rumple felt tears trickle down his cheeks. "I loved you, Papa . . ."

"Quit that damn sniveling!" barked Pan. "Now . . . _shut the hell up and go to sleep!"_

Rumple curled up on the floor in a ball, sobbing miserably. He had forgotten the first lesson his papa had ever taught him—that he wasn't worth spit and nobody loved him. . . because he wasn't worthy of being loved.

Pan turned over and snarled, "I _said_ quit that damn crying before I whip the skin off you and give you something to cry about!" He sat up and reached for his belt hanging on the bedframe.

"M'sorry, Papa! I'll be good!" Rumple trembled. "I won't cry!"

"Good, because boys don't cry . . . unless they're cowards like you!" Pan scolded viciously. He lay back down and turned away from the child huddled on the floor.

Rumple stuffed his fist in his mouth to muffle his sobs. Tears soaked his tunic as he struggled valiantly to be still, for he knew that Pan's threat was not an idle one. He'd been whipped before for less cause. He felt torn and bleeding inside. _Bae . . . Bae . . . where are you?_

Out in a wicker cage, a little girl cried herself to sleep, worried about the little boy who was her hero and best friend.

In another two cages, a dark-haired girl and boy dream about kicking two nasty older boys till they bleed and cramming their mouths with dung.

And so night falls upon Neverland in the camp of the Lost Boys.


	13. Strength of Heart

**13**

**Strength of Heart**

**A/N: some intense scenes of punishment of a minor**

"_Wake up!"_ Pan yelled at his sleeping son. "I said I wanted you up at the crack of dawn, boy, now get your ass up off that floor!"

Rumple blinked sleepily and woke. Pan's shouting could have woken a dead man. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, he was stiff from lying on the cold hard floor all night. "Okay, Papa. M'up."

Pan conjured a bucket with hot soapy water and a scrub brush. "I want this whole place cleaned so I can see my face in it. Scrub the floors, make the bed, dust the furniture. Or are you too stupid to know how to do half those things?"

Rumple flinched at the sarcasm in his papa's tone, the implication that he was a useless child who couldn't do the simplest things. "Yessir," he muttered. The litany was familiar. _There's no place like home,_ he thought sadly. Then another need made itself known. "Umm . . . I need to go potty."

Pan gestured and a chamberpot appeared on the floor. "Make it quick. And when you've finished, empty it. I won't have your filth stinking up my hut."

Rumple nodded and did his business as quickly as possible, wishing he was back in Storybrooke, with a private bathroom. Still he knew better than to whine. That would only get his papa mad . . . and an angry Pan was not something he could afford to deal with right now. He vanished the results with magic and fixed his pants. "Whyn't you have a big house, Papa? You always said you wanted one before." He could recall many nights before a game of chance where his papa would go on and on about the big house they'd live in once he cleaned up at the tables.

"This is the jungle, boy. I've no need of one here," Pan said, and gave Rumple a look that said he was dumb for even asking that question. "Besides, this whole island belongs to me. I rule it all."

Before Pan could get started bragging, Rumple cut him off. "Papa, I'm hungry. Can I have some breakfast? I work better if I'm not hungry."

"Always with the damned questions!" Pan said irritably. "Fine! Here!" he gestured and a piece of stale brown bread and a cup of water appeared beside Rumple.

Rumple stared at it, disappointed. He was starving, having not eaten any dinner last night since Pan hadn't given him any. The last thing he'd eaten had been lunch with Bae and Emma. The bread looked distinctly unappetizing. "No eggs n' a basket?" he asked before he could stop himself.

"You'll eat it and like it," his father said shortly. It was at times like these that he was happy he had abandoned the boy. Rumple's constant demands for attention annoyed him to no end.

"Yes, Papa." The bread was hard and tasteless, but he chewed it determinedly, knowing he was lucky he was even getting that much out of his tight fisted father . . . who used to order meals for himself at the taverns and let Rumple starve because they didn't have enough money to feed him, or so he claimed.

Pan washed his face in the pitcher and dried it on a towel, then sat down at a little table and conjured his own breakfast of eggs in a basket, bacon, and pancakes, along with a steaming cup of java.

The smell of all the good food made Rumple drool. He stared up at the table where his father was eating, not saying anything, just eyeing the bounty with huge hungry eyes.

Pan ignored him, continuing to eat his meal.

Rumple sighed and looked at his measly scrap of bread. This sucked!

He finished the bit that was left and drank his water, but his stomach was still rumbling.

Once Pan finished portions of his meal, he would toss the leftovers onto the floor.

Rumple scrambled to catch them, aided by his magic, and stuffed them into his mouth, nearly choking in his haste to do so before his father saw. He was so hungry he didn't even think about what he was doing.

His meal finished, Pan rose from the table. "Well, at least you did something useful and cleaned part of the floor."

Rumple looked down at his feet, utterly humiliated. He'd behaved like a . . . dog . . . eating scraps off the floor. But he'd been so hungry!

"Remember what I said, laddie. I want this entire hut cleaned before I get back. Understand?"

"Yes, Papa," Rumple nodded rapidly.

"And if I catch you using magic, I'll take the belt to you," Pan warned, patting it meaningfully.

Rumple shuddered. "I won't!" he said fervently. Tears came into his eyes then. He'd thought he'd left that horrible part of his life behind when the spinner sisters had taken him in . . . and now he was reliving it all over again.

"Now, first you haul those dishes out to those damned girls to wash," Pan instructed. "Then get right back in here. No carrying on conversations. If I catch you disobeying me, your ass will get a few stripes to remind you of your place."

Rumple whimpered. "I'll be good, Papa," one hand crept cautiously around to cover his bottom.

Pan shook his head and left the hut. He had to make another journey to Skull Rock and feared the news he would be given by the shadow was even worse than before.

As he left, Rumple grabbed up the dishes and brought them out to where Belle and Regina were standing beside a tub of hot soapy water.

"Rumple! Are you all right?" Belle cried upon seeing him. "Did he hurt you?"

Rumple gave a slight shake of his head and set the dishes down beside Regina. _Well, no more than he usually does,_ he thought sadly.

"Are you sure?" the little girl asked, alarmed.

He nodded.

"Uh oh, Belle. I think he's not 'llowed to talk to us," Regina observed. "You're not, are ya?"

Rumple shook his head and mimed zipping his lips.

"What are we gonna do?" Belle asked.

Regina thought for a moment. "Rumple, can you talk in your head? Like how you talk to Gwen?"

Rumple considered. He could do that with animals but never had with people.

"We could be like Dr. Doolittle and talk in our heads so that dumb twit Pan can't hear us," prompted Regina.

Rumple nodded. That was a great idea. As far as he knew, Pan couldn't do that, probably because Pan didn't care about talking to animals. Then he concentrated hard, willing himself to hear the thoughts of those closest to him. Experimentally, he sent, _Regina, can you hear me?_

Regina grinned. _I can!_

_So can I!_ Rumple sent back.

The two girls smiled at each other.

_Papa said I'm not allowed to talk to you. He'd take his belt to me if I did . . or if I used magic to clean his hut._

Regina scowled and sent _I'd like to take a belt to his ugly butt an make him so sore he can't sit for a year like the Blue Butt Muncher._

Rumple smirked. _So would I! He ain't like Bae, you know. He LIKES it when he hurts me . . . once he whipped me so hard I bled . . I got scars for that one probably._

Belle looked sick when she heard that. She nearly dropped a dish on the ground imagining how awful it had been.

_Rumple, me, Hook, and Regina are gonna try to find a way to get you away from him, _Belle thought carefully.

_Okay . . . but be careful . . . he's got eyes everywhere . . ._ Rumple warned.

_You think maybe there's some spell I can do to take care of that? _asked Regina.

_ Maybe. I . .. I gotta think on it . . . meantime . . . I gotta get back there and clean . . . he's such a slob . . . but if he doesn't see me cleaning . . .my butt will pay for it. _Rumple sent.

_Be careful Rumple. Just remember, me Hook and Regina are here for you._ Belle gave him an encouraging smile.

_Thanks, Belle. And you watch out too. Felix's almost as bad as Papa._

_Yeah we __know. Buttcrack boy. Don't worry. I'll zap him if he tries something. _Regina assured him.

Rumple chuckled. _Do it!_ Then he turned and scurried back to Pan's hut. Once he was there, he dunked a brush into some soapy water and began cleaning the dirty floor. "Disgusting pig!" he spat.

As soon as he'd finished a section, more dirty patches began to appear. Rumple halted in dismay, for the dirt was coming back quicker than he could scrub. Rumple groaned, recognizing his father's cruelty in this. "Damn you, Papa!"

"You didn't think I'd make it _that_ easy for you, did you?" Pan's voice echoed in the hut.

Rumple nearly jumped out of his skin. "Papa? M'cleaning! I am!" Panicked, he started scrubbing faster.

Pan's devilish laughter echoed throughout the hut.

More muddy spots began to appear on the walls.

"Want to use your magic now, don't you, laddie?" sneered Pan.

Rumple sniffled and scrubbed harder. "This ain't fair!"

In the cave at Skull Rock, Pan watched his son through a crystal ball, smirking. It wouldn't be long before the temptation would wear him down and he would use magic. Then he would teach the miserable little scum the error of his ways.

Rumple continued trying to clean, but every time he cleaned a part of the hut . . . dirt would reappear. It was awful!

At Skull Rock, the Shadow hovered behind the man child, shaking its head. "This need to humiliate your son is only making the sands fall faster. Soon they will be gone, and take with them the magic and your youth."

"Not when I get his heart . . . and the little queen's!"

He concentrated, making the hut even more dirty, causing more sands to fall. He collapsed on the floor of the cave.

The Shadow sighed. This one would never learn his lesson, it seemed.

Rumple nearly screamed in frustration. It was like he was in the middle of a pig wallow and his natural disdain for dirt was becoming impossible to ignore. To test out his theory, he used a tiny bit of magic-less than a trickle-to remove a small spot of dirt in front of him. When Pan didn't appear immediately and beat his behind, he knew he was safe.

Smirking, he concentrated. "Spic and span!" he whispered, and the hut was suddenly sparkling clean, so clean you could eat off the floor.

When Pan awoke in the cave and glanced up at the hourglass, he was furious. "How much time do I have left?'

"Less than a day," the shadow replied. "The more magic you use, the weaker you become unless you take the hearts of the two strongest magic users in the realms and the heart of the person the most powerful one cares for the most."

"The girl..." Pan whispered and smiled.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Rumple looked around the sparkling clean hut and worry set in immediately. He knew it was only a matter of time before his father found out he'd been using magic. And then there'd be hell to pay.

While he was cleaning he noticed a collection of books on magic, no doubt stolen during his father's trips across the realms. Surely there had to be a spell he could use to protect himself and the others from his father's beatings.

It was a good thing he could read, he thought as he took one down from the shelf. And thanks to Belle, he read better now than he had before. He flipped through the pages . . . searching . . . there had to be something . . .As he read through the texts, hope blossomed in him again.

There was a protection spell that combined a shield with some illusionary magic. One that would make him immune for a time to his father's torture and also his friends . . . if he could manage to cast it and deceive the clever dark mage.

_Follow the lady,_ he recalled, only this time he wouldn't be doing it with a deck of cards.

He shut the spellbook and was about to put it back on the shelf when he recalled he needed a spell to block Pan's magical "eyes and ears" so he and the others could plot rebellion.

He could feel the others in his head, whispering silent encouragement.

He opened the spellbook again and began to read rapidly.

Both spells would require a great deal of strength of heart and soul to cast and if there was one thing he'd learned in the time he, Belle, Hook and Regina were together it was that nothing strengthened the heart and soul more than love and friendship.

He had a feeling he would need all of that and more to cast the spells he required.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Pan was seething when he returned from Skull Rock and wanted someone to feel the brunt of his wrath and who better than the one that caused it by his mere presence in Neverland.

Rumple was feeling a bit woozy after casting so much magic, and was sitting on the bed in the hut, his head in his hands.

His head jerked up when his father appeared in the doorway of the hut, radiating sheer fury and a dark need to hurt anything that crossed his path. He shrank away against the wall as Pan strode into the room.

"You...you...worthless bit of larvae."

Rumple looked up, fear crossing his little face. "Papa . . . see . . I cleaned up like you said."

Pan glanced around, noting how clean the place was. He bared his teeth in a savage grin. "You used magic! Didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!?"

Rumple cringed. " I . . I had to . . . _you_ were using magic too . . .it wasn't fair . . ."

"Don't you tell me what's fair, you little shit! I told you what would happen if you disobeyed me. But I think a reminder is needed, you worthless little brat!" He went to unfasten his belt.

Rumple went backwards off the bed. "No . . . please . . . Papa . . . don't . . ." he begged, tears starting from his eyes.

Pan waved the belt in front of the terrified child's face. "One for each year of your miserable life . . . and ten more just because I feel like it."

Rumple started crying. "Nooo . . .! M'sorry!" he wailed, cringing away.

Pan smirked. "Get over here, you little coward, and take your punishment like a man!" he ordered, then he grabbed the back of his son's shirt and dragged Rumple towards him. "Bend over, Rumple!"

Rumple continued crying helplessly as Pan bent him over the bed, holding him there firmly.

_Please . . . please . . . by all the gods . . ._ Rumple prayed silently with his face pressed into the straw stuffed mattress.

The belt sang through the air.

As Pan swung the belt, lashes appeared upon Rumple's small back.

Rumple sobbed and howled, kicking his feet as the belt came down over and over.

Pan lashed out with all the fury he felt, giving not a whit that it was wrong to do so and the child could not fight back. He'd hated Rumple from the moment he was born and wanted nothing more than to be rid of him and take the powers within the boy to restore his own youth. Once again he would be the master of Neverland.

"Owww . . .Papa . . . stop . . . ahhh . . .!" his son bawled, as stripes appeared all down his back, bottom, and thighs.

As the little boy sobbed, Pan began to lecture as he wielded the strap.

"Whining, sniveling, worthless bit of slime. I should have had you exposed when you were born. You never let me be free of you!" Pan released his hold upon the boy and Rumple slid down to the floor.

Rumple curled up on the floor, crying hard. "Sorry . . . Papa . . . sorry . . ."

"You always say you're sorry, you little pansy-ass!" he sneered. "Well, you're going to be sorry now, aren't you?" He brought the strap back again.

He would make this worthless scrap pay for everything he had endured, for all the time he'd lost, and the money wasted upon this little leech called Rumplestiltskin.

Outside, Belle wept into Regina's shoulder as they heard the crack of leather on flesh and the cries of poor defenseless Rumple. Hook turned away as well and cried into his hand. The thin howls tore at him. _That dick! I'm gonna kill him, I swear it!_

Rumple hid his face in his arms, feeling the tingle of magic all over him, protecting him from the monster who called himself his papa. He continued screaming, knowing how much his evil parent enjoyed making him hurt.

Finally the punishment was over. Exhausted from beating the boy, Pan sank down in a chair. "Get me water, boy."

Sniveling, Rumple crawled along the floor, sobs still shaking his small frame, to where the pitcher of water was on the small table. He reached for the cup, hoping his papa was too busy gloating to notice he was able to move more freely than he should have following a beating like that. His spell had held . . . and his papa was none the wiser.

He wiped tears from his face, which weren't all fake, for while Pan had been beating him, he'd been recalling every other whipping he'd endured at the man's hands. But he hid a smirk as he poured the water into the cup. _Peter Pan never fails, my ass!_

Pan finished the water and threw the cup at Rumple to take out to the girls to wash and lay down to sleep.

While back at Skull Rock, more sands from the hourglass fell and there was less than day's magic left.

Rumple picked up the cup and made his way out of the hut, careful to limp terribly, even with his cane, hiding a triumphant smirk as he did so. Now it was time to tell the others what he'd learned.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Storybrooke_

_The convent:_

Emma rapped hard on the door to Nova's office, which had once been the Blue Fairy's. "Nova? You there?"

"Come in," called the fairy.

As Emma pushed the door open, Blue squirmed in Neal's grip and yelled, "Nova! This oaf is manhandling me!"

"Quiet, you little brat!" Neal ordered angrily as he followed Emma into the office.

"Is there a problem, Emma?" asked Nova, then her eyebrows went up when she saw Neal holding Blue. "Oh, stars and shadows, what's she done now?"

"Nova! Tell this lug to lemme go!" Blue yelled.

"No way!" Neal shook his head. "Not until I tell Nova just what you did."

"What did you do?" Nova frowned at the small fairy. "You promised you'd behave, Blue!"

"I did! I just sent those pestilential brats on a little vacation to the Enchanted Forest!" Blue growled.

Nova stared. "W-What?"

"She sent my papa and the others through a portal to the Enchanted Forest . . . little kids and she throws them into a place where ogres are roaming and anything could happen to them!" Neal raged.

"And we don't know how to get them back," Emma cried.

"You . . . did that, Blue?" gasped the other fairy. "You . . . sent innocents into a portal? Into danger?"

"So what? They were the Dark One, the Evil Queen, a lousy pirate, and the Dark One's whore," sneered Blue. "Who cares? We're well rid of their darkness."

"You see? She's utterly nuts!" Emma exclaimed.

"No, she's utterly sanctimonious and reprehensible!" Neal snapped. "And now I sound like Belle. Nova , how do we find them? There has to be a way."

The Acting Mother Superior nodded. "There is a way. We need the wand she used to open the portal."

"Speaking of which, how'd you get another wand after you stole Nova's?" demanded Emma.

Blue sneered at her. "How do you think? I can open any door in the convent . . . I used to rule here. All I had to do was use my powers to open the vault . . . and take the wand there."

"You went into the repository and took a wand?" Nova cried. "Blue, you promised!"

"I promised not to steal your wand again, or any of the other sisters. I never said I couldn't take a wand in the vault."

"You lying hypocrite!" Neal growled. "Where's the wand now?"

"I hid it," the Blue Fairy said sullenly. "And you'll never find it!"

"Where did you hide it?" Emma frowned.

"I ain't telling!" Blue taunted.

"No? I can make you," Neal said coldly.

Blue suddenly lost her superior air. "Nova! He's being mean to me!" she whined.

"He has a right to be angry with you," Nova began. "What you did was terrible! Neal, I'm so sorry. I should have kept a better eye on her, not let her wander about. But she's almost impossible to control with her magic intact . . . she's stronger than all of us."

Neal scowled. "Tell us where you hid the wand!"

"No!" Blue snapped.

Neal looked ready to snap. Emma put a hand on his shoulder. "Neal . . . we need to find that wand. You can wallop her butt later. Now let's get our priorities straight. What's most important?"

"Getting the wand so I can get the kids back," he admitted reluctantly. "But then I'm going to settle your ass," he told the small fairy. "Nova, here's your problem child. I'd suggest you lock her in her room."

"You shut up, dark spawn!" Blue brayed.

"That's a good idea," Nova agreed. She waved her wand and Blue vanished, sent to her room and locked in. "There! The spell ought to hold her. I'll ask some of my sisters to help you search."

"Nova, what if Blue hid the wand in her room?" Emma speculated.

"Oh, she wouldn't do that," Nova said. "Because her room is spellproofed. The wand won't work for her there. No, she hid it somewhere else."

"Okay, so enough jawing, let's get searching," Neal said. "The more time we waste talking the more time something could be attacking the kids."

"Right," Emma said, then the two turned and left the office. "Let's retrace our steps," she told Neal logically. "Where were we when we first saw Blue?"

As they returned to the first place they saw the fairy, Nova contacted her sisters through a magical bond they shared and explained what had happened and what they needed to do.

Soon the fairies had joined the sheriff and her boyfriend in trying to locate the missing wand.

Neal just prayed that they found it before it was too late and something awful happened to the children he'd been responsible for. And for the first time he truly understood why Rumple had schemed and risked his life to find him for three hundred years . . . because to fail was not an option . . . he _had _ to find his papa and the other children . . . or die trying. And afterwards, he would make the Blue Butt Muncher have a taste of her own medicine.


	14. Tiny Tot Rebellion

**14**

**Tiny Tot Rebellion**

The three children spotted Rumple coming out of the hut carrying a cup in his hands and limping badly, all of them horrified and murder on their minds. Belle ran over to him and hugged him, being careful not to hurt him more than he already was, sobbing into his shoulder.

_Belle…Belle…it's okay. I'm fine._

_ But how? He…he whipped you! We heard you screaming!_

_ I had to, so Papa couldn't figure it out._

_ Figure what out, Rumple? _Regina sent to him when she and Hook approached them.

Hook glared in the direction of Pan's hut and shook his fist_. I want that dick to die. Slowly…painfully, he sent. Mate, I dunno how you can even walk. He beat you bad._

Making certain that no one was watching Rumple pulled his friends into a huddle. _He thinks he did. I found a book in his hut…a book of spells and in it I found one I could use to protect me when he beat me. I have bruises on me but they don't hurt. As long as I can hold the spell he'll never guess anything but it makes me really sleepy._

_ What can we do to help? _Regina asked.

_You're already doing it…by staying strong for me…and for each other. It's what the spell needs. Strength here. _Rumple pointed at his heart. _And in our souls too. _

_Where's our souls, mate? I never seen it._

_ Cause we're not supposed to, Hook….ya know…like God. You just havta believe,_ Regina sent to the little pirate.

_I can do that if it stops that dick from hurtin' ya, Rumple._

_ Rumple, we gotta get out of here. The Blue Butt Muncher, jerk that she is, won't tell Bae and Emma what she did to us 'cause she wants us to stay here. Do you think there's a spell in that book Pan has we can use to escape? _Belle was asking_._

_ We need a portal, Belle. How we gonna get one here?_ Regina asked.

_Or we can hitch a ride with a mermaid…._Hook suggested.

_They don't like us, Hook,_ Rumple pointed out.

_Aww crap, I forgot!_

_ What if we find a nice one? _Belle suggested_. We won't hurt her…we're just kids. _

_That don't matter, _Hook told them_. They hate all humans 'cause they think we're gonna eat 'em or something. Ya know…like in the Little Mermaid? _

_Maybe we can find one like Ariel, _Belle mused_._

_ Rumple, you think maybe we can get another look at that spell book Pan has?_ Regina asked him. _Might have something in it we can use to get out of here without a portal…or maybe to get a mermaid to help us._

_ I can try. I have to wait til Papa leaves and make sure Felix or the other Lost Boys don't catch us with it and tell him._ He glanced over his shoulder to see several of the Lost Boys playing games and not watching them at all. He didn't see Felix either which was a relief.

They all agreed that they had to try to befriend a mermaid as they had the ability to travel between worlds, hoping that the mermaid they found would only see them as little children who meant her no harm. They also knew it wouldn't be long before the Lost Boys got tired of playing or Pan woke up.

_I'll get the spell book as soon as I can,_ Rumple promised.

_Okay, mate. We're gonna try to find a mermaid. I think I remember my papa saying that you could use a shell to call one._

_Umm…Hook, maybe you better let me or Belle do it. Your hand might scare her_, Regina pointed out.

Hook frowned. He wished he could have a real hand instead of a hook and when they got home he was going to ask Neal and Emma about it. His hook did come in handy at times though.

_Please be careful_, Rumple pleaded with them. _Those boys can be as mean as Papa and I don't want you guys getting hurt. _

_We're gonna be okay_, Belle assured him. _You be careful too_.

They all hugged each other tight before they separated. Rumple reluctantly returned to the prison that was his father's hut. Pan was still asleep on his bed snoring loud enough to wake the dead. The little sorcerer crept over to the bookcase and pulled down the spell book he'd been looking at earlier and saw something in it that looked promising.

A mage could turn an object into a talisman that could allow them to change forms as long as they wore it on their bodies. He smiled. If they could all change into merpeople it would give them the ability to cross realms without a portal only they wouldn't know how. They still needed a mermaid to guide them. Fortunately each of them had an object on them that they could enchant. He had a ring on his finger, Belle was wearing a necklace, Regina also had a ring and Hook's hook would do for him. It was a difficult spell to cast and the book advised that if a young mage wanted to cast the spell, he or she would require the assistance of another. He knew Regina would be more than happy to help since it would allow them to escape Neverland.

Rumple closed the book and concentrated until he was able to create an exact duplicate of it on the outside but the text inside it was nothing but useless jargon. He returned the false book to the original's place on the bookshelf and tucked the original underneath his tunic. He limped back outside. Regina, Belle and Hook were nowhere to be found.

"Hey, you!" Felix snapped.

"M…Me?"

"Yeah, you. Who you think I'm talking to? Myself? The chamber pots in those cages need to be dumped so get to it!" the boy commanded and unlocked Belle's cage to let him in.

When he was certain Felix wasn't looking he buried the book under the worn blanket in Regina's cage and carried her chamber pot out to empty it though it was only filled with water as were the other two.

He knew his friends were trying to make the task less unpleasant for them but he also knew it wasn't good to hold back having to use the potty.

Since his father was asleep, Felix was assuming his role in humiliating the little boy. While he was carrying Belle's chamber pot out to empty it, Felix stuck out his foot and tripped the child, causing the water from the pot to spill all over him.

Felix and several other Lost Boys burst into laughter. "He's covered in piss."

_That's what you think, jerk_, Rumple thought angrily, putting on the performance worthy of the thing called an Oscar while the Lost Boys looked on.

After he emptied all the chamber pots and filled them with fresh water, Felix ordered him to clean the cages. He saw Regina and Belle trying to hang clothes they just washed on lines but several Lost Boys kept taking the garments down, forcing the girls to wash them again.

_Where's Hook?_ Rumple asked Belle.

_Sent him for water….he's going to try to find the mermaid._

_His hook's gonna scare it. _

_Nah. He took it off,_ Regina answered.

_Make sure he gets it back_, Rumple advised. _We're gonna need it. _

_You find a spell we can use?_

_ The book's under your blankie. _

_Okay. Your papa's gonna be mad when he finds it gone. _

_He won't know. I switched it._ Rumple was smiling.

_Goodie! If Hook can get us a mermaid we can get home!_ Belle thought excitedly.

Down at the lake, Hook set the water bucket down and looked around until he found the shell he was looking for and started speaking the words his father told him would summon a mermaid in. "Siren from the deep, come to me."

A young mermaid with fiery red hair poked her head out from under the water. "You…you're a young child," she said softly.

"Uh-huh….Look…I'm…I'm not gonna eat ya…and my friends and I…we really need your help!" Hook cried.

"What is your name, child?"

"Ummm…Killian but most people call me Hook 'cause I don't have my other hand an' it has a hook on it."

"Oh goodness…you poor thing! My name's Ariel, Killian. How can I help you?"

"You know how to go places without a portal and we really wanna go home," the little boy said. "We gotta, Ariel! Pan has us workin' like slaves and he tries to beat up one of my friends really bad. My friend is Pan's son but Pan's a real dick and hurts him."

"A what?" the mermaid asked.

"Ah…nevermind. Can you help us…please?" the boy pleaded.

"I would be happy to help you," Ariel replied.

"Great!" Hook beamed at her. "Uh . . . whadda we owe you?"

"Umm . . .there is something I do need . . . that only a human can provide me . . ." Ariel said, blushing.

Hook eyed her askance. "Oh brother! Does it involve mushy stuff?"

"M-mushy stuff?"

"Yeah. Like playing house. And kissing!" the little boy looked disgusted.

Ariel giggled. "Well, it might. Once I see him again. You see, I met a prince named Eric awhile ago . . . and I lost track of him when a curse came and spirited away all the people in the Enchanted Forest to . . . another land."

"Aww, crap! Y'mean ya lost your boyfriend?"

She nodded. "Do you know about any land like that?"

"Well, we all come from a place called Storybrooke, Maine. And we're all there 'cause of a curse that usta be on the town . . . till Emma broke it," Hook said. "Ya think Eric might be in Storybrooke?"

"Oh, I hope so!" Ariel said eagerly. "If I help you learn how to cross realms like one of the merfolk, will you help me find Eric?"

Hook nodded. "I hafta talk it over with my mates, but I think we'll all agree to that." He waved and said, "I gotta get back to camp, otherwise Felix'll hurt my friend Rumple." He picked up the pail of water he'd gathered earlier. "I'll call ya when we need to learn the spell to cross realms."

"I'll be waiting, Killian," Ariel said, and she waved back before diving beneath the surface again.

Killia made his way back to where the girls were still trying to scrub the clothes and hang them on the line. He took his hook back from Regina, who had it under her washtub. As he was putting it back on, Felix came by and shoved him, making him land facefirst in the hot soapy water.

"Ahh! Yeeoww!" Hook yelped. "My eyes! They're burnin'!"

"Aww! Poor baby!" jeered Felix. "Whyn't you cry about it? Boo hoo!" He made loud crying noises and pointed at Hook, who had tears streaming down his face.

"You're a butthole!" Regina snapped.

"Here, Killian," Belle said softly. "Lemme put some clean water on 'em. My nurse used to do that when she got soap in my eyes when she washed my hair."

She led the little boy over to the washtub full of clean water and poured some on Killian's head with a cup. "How's that? Okay?"

"Uh huh," Killian managed after a moment. His eyes still felt sore, but he could now open them and they no longer stung. "Stupid dick!" He scowled at Felix who was strutting in front of another group of Lost Boys, bragging about how far he throw a spear and shoot an arrow.

"Robin could beat the butt off him!" Regina snorted.

"I know," sighed the pirate. "Only he ain't here." He rubbed his tummy. "Is there anything to eat?"

"Umm . . . I managed to find a tree with some nuts on it," Belle said shyly. "And pawpaws," she indicated the big yellow fruit.

"Those'll do. Though I wish I had a hot dog!" Hook said wistfully.

"I wanna burger," Belle sighed longingly.

"I want chicken nuggets," Regina pouted. "But I can't summon any, cause Rumple said he's gonna need my help 'chanting stuff."

"Well, here's some nuts and pawpaws," Hook said, slicing into a fruit with his hook and portioning it out to the girls and himself. He glanced back at Pan's hut. "Anybody seen Rumple?"

Belle shook her head. "No. I hope he's okay."

"Maybe he's resting or something," Regina said as she ate her fruit. "I gotta take a look at that book tonight."

"Mebbe we better save some of this for him," Hook mused. "In case Pan don't feed him or nothin'."

The girls agreed and Hook wrapped a pawpaw, some cracked nuts, and a stalk of sugar cane, which he'd gathered down by the lake, in a large leaf and hid it in his cage.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Up in Pan's hut, Rumple napped in fits and starts, trying to conserve his strength for the upcoming spellcasting. He prayed Hook had found a mermaid to help them, otherwise the plan would fall apart before they had a chance to put it into action. He was hungry, and he prowled about the hut, finding a secret stash of candy beneath the floorboards, he recalled his papa, who used to be called Malcolm before he became Peter Pan, always had a stash of money and stuff like that wherever they happened to be living.

Inside the floor he found some chocolate bars and small chocolate cakes, preserved with magic so they didn't melt in the heat. Rumple took two of them and replicated them so Pan wouldn't find out, hiding the illusionary ones beneath the actual ones. Then he put the floorboard back and started devouring the chocolate in record time.

There was no telling when Pan would wake up and he was starving.

He ate the sweet treat, licking his fingers when he was done. The chocolate sated some of his appetite, but he really wanted some real food—like macaroni and cheese or a juicy burger with pickles and ketchup. Thinking about some real food made him drool, and it was then he realized something . . . he wouldn't be able to cast too well if he was hungry. He needed a good meal , not scraps from Pan's table.

He concentrated and summoned a small bowl of macaroni and cheese, and a plate with some broccoli and cheese and a mini burger on it, plus a Coke. Then he crept under the bed and ate it, quickly and neatly.

Afterwards, his belly pleasantly full, he vanished the empty crockery and used the chamber pot, banishing the results. He had just returned to crouching in the middle of the floor, pretending he couldn't sit down, when Pan awoke.

"You! Boy! Get me a drink, my throat is parched!"

Rumple scrambled to get the cup and fill it with water. "Yessir."

He carried it back to Pan, who drank and then said, "Polish my boots, Rumple!"

A can of boot black appeared beside Pan's half-boots.

Rumple obeyed, polishing the boots till they shone. "Here, Papa." He carried the boots over to where Pan was lounging on the bed.

Pan put a foot in one, then said, "Now tie them. And when you're done, little brat, you can kiss my boot."

Rumple looked up at him. "But . . . but . . . Papa!"

"Don't you 'but Papa' me, you little shit!" Pan swore at his son. "Do it or else I'll give you a few more stripes!"

Rumple cringed. "N-no! Please! I'll be good!" he begged, hating how he was whining, but it was expected. He tied Pan's boots, then he grimaced, and quickly bent over and kissed his father's boot, nearly gagging as he did so.

He had never felt so humiliated in his life.

Pan grinned. "Good! Now you understand why I'm keeping you around, you worthless little snot." He rose and stretched. "I'm starving. I think I'm going to have a roasted chicken with a side of potatoes and carrots. Oh, and a berry pie for dessert." He smiled wolfishly.

Rumple just nodded, thinking that berry pie used to be one of his favorite desserts.

Pan sat down and conjured his meal, eating it noisily with much smacking of his lips and licking his fingers.

Rumple crouched on the floor, catching the bones and sucking them to give the illusion that he was hungry. He used a small amount of magic to vanish the scraps Pan threw on the floor, pretending to eat them.

When Pan was finished, he jeered at his son. "Hungry, Rumple?"

Rumple nodded. "Yes, Papa."

"Here. Eat some of this," and the Master of Neverland conjured a bowl of gluey tasteless corn mush and shoved it at the boy, along with a cup of water.

Rumple pretended to eat the gross food, secretly making it vanish before it ever reached his lips.

Once he was finished, Pan ordered him to take his bowl and spoon out to the girls to wash, and as he limped down to the washtub, Felix stuck out a foot and tripped him, sending him sprawling, dropping the empty bowl and spoon and his cane.

"Watch where you're going, you clumsy cripple!" sneered the older boy.

Some of the other Lost Boys chortled at Rumple's "accident".

Belle angrily picked up Rumple's cane and helped him up. "Here, Rumple. What an idiot!"

Rumple took his cane back, trying to ignore the stinging scrapes in his knees and Hook picked up the bowl and cup and handed them to Regina.

"Dickhead!" muttered the pirate.

_He'll get his, don't worry,_ Rumple sent, sniffling a little.

"Now don't cry itty bitty baby!" Felix teased. Then he burst into fake tears and cried, "Aww! Did the little cripple fall down?"

"Shut up, you fart face!" Regina growled. Then she held her nose and warbled. "PU! Felix smells! EEEWWW! When'd you last take a bath, stinky? Ten years ago?"

Belle pretended to gag. "GROSS! He's got cooties crawlin' all over him! EEEWW! Somebody get the bug spray!"

Hook waved a hand in front of his face. "Mate, that stink's worse than a dead fish! Phew! What crawled up your butt and died?"

Several of the Lost Boys started giggling at that, and Felix stomped over and snarled, "Shut up, brats! Before I whip baby Rumple here raw!" He shoved Rumple onto the ground again. "What are you looking at, slave?"

"Nothin'!" Rumple muttered.

"You better not be...now all of you GET BACK TO WORK!" Felix ordered, and then he stalked away.

Hook shook his head. "On a power trip much...friggin dick."

Rumple glared at him, thinking, _you're gonna get yours someday, you bully. I'm gonna do to you what the Comanche did to enemies on TV-_he had watched several Westerns with Bae one day and recalled everything he'd seen.

Belle whispered since she'd heard his thoughts through their bond, "What did they do to 'em, Rumple?"

_Well, sometimes they'd strip 'em naked and . . . and spread eagle 'em on the ground and tie 'em to stakes and let red army ants crawl all over them_!

_Oooohhh I LIKE that...red ants bite good_, Regina clapped her hands.

_Yeah and the bites burn and itch like crazy cause they've got poison in 'em . . . I saw it on Discov'ry Channel_, Rumple told her.

_Can we get 'em to bite im in the nuts?_ Hook wanted to know.

Rumple snickered a bit. _They'll bite him everywhere!_

Hook smiled evilly. "I'm gonna enjoy that."

Regina cried, "Let's do it!"

Rumple nodded. _It's like Bae always says-what_ _goes_ _around comes around_

_Ariel, the mermaid I met, says she can help us be like merfolk...but she wants us to help her too._ Killian sent.

_Yeah I figgered that. What's the price we need to pay?_

_She gots a boyfriend named Eric she thinks is in Storybrooke, _explained Hook, toying with his hook, spinning it around.

_ An' she wants to find him, so we're gonna do that for her,_ Belle told him eagerly, her blue eyes alight.

_Rumple, you find anything that can help us get across the realms? _Queried Regina, leaning on the washtub.

_Yeah, the spells in the book I put in your cage . . . we need to 'chant some objects_, the small sorcerer said.

Regina frowned_. Like what?_

_Anything really. Like that ring you always wear. And you too Belle, you've got a necklace and Hook we can magic your hook._

_What'll that make us do?_ Killian wanted to know.

_It'll give the magic someplace to take hold of an' transform us into merpeople, _Rumple replied_._

_Ariel said if we were merpeople she'd show us how to cross! That's great mate!_ Hook said excitedly.

_But it's gonna take me and Regina to do the spells, cause we're little_, Rumple sighed.

_ It's okay. As long as we can get outta here,_ Belle agreed.

_Yeah. I really hate these guys,_ Regina sent.

Rumple rubbed his behind. _Me too,_ he looked about uneasily for his papa. Not seeing him, he sighed in relief.

_When you wanna do it?_ asked Regina, hanging a shirt on the line.

_Tonight, I guess. Soon as we can._

_You think you can sneak away without your papa getting' mad?_ Regina wanted to know.

_Have to. Don't got a choice._

_But Rumple, what if . . . he's got a warning spell on the door or something?_ Belle asked fearfully.

_Uh, maybe I can get him to fall asleep before he casts it,_ Rumple sent. But that worried him too.

_You gonna put something in his food to make him go nighty-night?_ The little pirate said wickedly.

_You betcha! I know lotsa herbs. Lizabeth taught me,_ Rumple said proudly.

_I'd give 'em one to make 'em poop their pants,_ Regina remarked.

_No! We'd have to wash the skiddies out!_ Belle looked sick.

_Not if they're too busy pooping,_ Regina stated gleefully.

_Ooooh. there was this guy on papa's ship once who ate somethin' that gave him the poops and he was in the head for hours almost!_ recalled Killian.

_Yeah . . . and if they gots sick, Papa'd wonder why we didn't too . . .though I do know somethin'-senna, that makes you poop. Lizabeth used to give a tea to people who were constipated_, Rumple sent, recalling all the people who would come to the spinners' house for herbal cures.

Regina gave her best Evil Queen smirk. _So you think we should do it...but give ourselves a little dose. _

_Rumple shook his head. I could magic us to look sick . . . it's safer that way . . since I don't really know what a little enough dose is._

_Yeah cause I really don't wanna havta be runnin to the head every five minutes,_ Hook sent.

_Yeah, and we gotta get sick b'fore everybody else . . . so we don't look suspicious,_ Rumple said.

_Well they don't let us cook so how we gonna get it in the food?_ Belle wanted to know.

_We gots to put it in the pot fore Rufio puts the soup in_, Regina reminded them. That was the Lost Boy who made stew.

Rumple nodded. _Yes, when you're scrubbin' the cauldron. But I gots to find the herbs . . .now how can I get Papa to let me go in the jungle to look?_

_That's a hard one, mate,_ Hook sighed.

_Maybe trick him with a story?_ suggested Belle.

_That's an idea. I'll think of something. Don't worry, I learned how to lie from the best of them . . ._**him.** Rumple sent quickly.

_Okay, let's give these jerks a taste of their own medicine,_ Regina chuckled.

_Okay. You be careful Rumple_. Belle sent. When she was certain no one was looking she gave him a kiss.

"Awww, did you really havta do that NOW!" groaned Killian.

Regina coughed. "Cootie alert!"

Rumple snorted. "Calm down,"

Belle glared at them. "Oh quit it."

"Don't worry, dearie. Someday THEY'RE gonna have somebody they wanna kiss . . . and we can laugh at them . . ." Rumple giggled.

Regina stuck her little nose in the air. "As if!"

"Nuh uh. No way Jose," Hook shook his head.

"You never know," Rumple winked.

Hook rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say mate. Let's just get these dicks sicker 'n dogs and I'll be happy."

They all clasped hands, then Rumple withdrew. _Don't tell Ariel anything till we see if this works. Now, I gotta go, b'fore somebody sees me still here._

He drew away and walked a little bit and knelt to tie his shoe.

Just in time, because he heard Pan call, "Boy, get your ass over here!"

Rumple stood up and grabbed his cane. "Comin' Papa!"

Hearing the surly tone in Pan's voice caused the small boy to limp hurriedly back up to the hut, panting slightly in the midday heat.

Pan sat down at the table feeling his powers weakening as the sands continued to fall. He tried conjuring an object but it vanished.

"Dammit!" his father swore.

"Whatsa matter?" asked Rumple cautiously.

"Having a bit of trouble with my magic." He glared at his son. "But you don't...do you boy!?"

Rumple gulped hard—"Errr . . . no, sir."

For some reason that seemed to irritate the older boy. "You think you're better than me, is that it? You forget, you bastard, I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it."

Rumple nodded rapidly, scared. "Yessir. M'not better than you, Papa. You're . . . you're the strongest sorcerer ever." He cringed away from his parent. "Please, don't spank me again!"

"That's better," Pan said approvingly. He concentrates again and a pie appears in his hand then vanishes again. He slammed his fist down on the table.

"Maybe you're tryin' too hard," Rumple suggested diffidently.

Pan craned his head around to sneer at the child. "Oh am I, smartass?"

He flicked his wrist, trying to lift the boy up and toss him across the room but all it did was raise him up in the air an inch or two then drop him to the ground.

"M'sorry!" whimpered his son, covering his bottom.

"Better be!" grunted his father.

Pan tried again and this time nothing happened and he was exhausted.

Rumple tried again, finally coming up with a likely story. "Papa . . . I . . . member reading a story once . . .it was a story 'bout a sorcerer who . . .needed strong magic . . ."

"What the...?" Pan frowned. He paused. "What kind of strong magic? Speak up boy!"

"Umm . . . well . . . he needed strong magic to . . . to rule a kingdom . . . and a wise woman said . . . she said . . . he needed to go into the forest and find a magic herb called . . . astragaloria," the child prattled, making up a name of a fake herb.

"Never heard of it...and you think it's here?"

Rumple shrugged, "It's supposed to grow wild in jungles and forests with magic in 'em."

"Oh, is it now? Tell me...what does it look like?" His father arched an eyebrow.

Rumple thought fast. "It's . . . umm . . . lemme see if I can 'member . . ."

"You'd better not be lying, boy, or I'll whip the daylights out of you!" Pan threatened, fingering his belt.

Rumple started crying. "M'not! Don't spank me, Papa! My butt still hurts . . .I'll 'member . . . promise!" The tears were not faked, he was terrified his father would sense the lie he was about to tell . . . and his magic was still drained from the spell and he didn't know if he could cast it again if he had to.

"I'm waiting!" Pan tapped his fingers impatiently on the table. He knew his son, once he'd taken the power of the Dark One obtained knowledge of all forms of magic, dark and light. He just hoped the little idiot remembered enough of it now that he was a pain in the ass child again.

Rumple sniveled a little . . .then said . . ."I think . . .it's a small leaf . . .yellowish with curly edges . . ."

"You idiot! That could be any of a number of plants around here," snapped Pan, getting riled.

Rumple bit his lip. "And it only grows on the north side of trees . . .where it's shadowy . . .an' when it matures . .. it turns purple!" he finished, thinking that sounded likely.

Pan recalled seeing such a plant but no one knew what it was and his books gave no information on it either.

Does that help, Papa?" He eyed the other mage warily.

"Go get me some and bring it back here. If you use it on yourself or it doesn't do what you say it does...you'll be getting a nice little reminder of what happens when you lie to me."

"I won't . . . Papa! I . . . I can't do that . . .it don't work on kids . . .no spankings . . ."

"It better not...and I won't be giving you a spanking...I'll peel the skin from your worthless hide!" leered the other. "And hang it on the wall so everybody knows what happens to lying little brats!"

Rumple shook from head to toe. He had to get away from here . . . "I'll get it, sir . . . and then you gotta make a tea and let it steep . . ."

"No, you'll be making the tea as soon as you get back."

"Okay, Papa. I can do that. You taught me," Rumple reminded him, figuring he couldn't help trying to please the older man.

"Stop flapping your gums and GO!"

Rumple turned to leave . . .and as he did so, Pan smacked his butt hard to send him on his way. "Owww!" he wailed.

"Worthless and weak," mocked his father.

Rumple scurried from the hut, thinking that he had to gather three herbs-senna, dreamwort, and one that was purple to show his papa.

Pan laughed to himself. That Shadow thought he could terrify him by thinking that once those sands ran out, so would his life force. If this plant worked, that hourglass would be nothing more than a useless timepiece in a place where time stood still. And he could always take the hearts of his son and the evil queen to make him all powerful if it didn't. Either way, he won. Peter Pan never fails! He just didn't want the boy to take all day.

Rumple limped as quickly as he could into the jungle, and then began looking around for the herbs he needed. He found some dreamwort first and some more searching led him to find a purple leaf which he picked, a few feet further on was a small patch of senna. He picked all the herbs rapidly and put them in his pockets.

Regina and Belle waited anxiously for Rumple to return with the herbs. They'd seen him walking into the jungle, thankful no one was following him.

Rumple headed back from the jungle, shivering as he recalled his papa's threat to skin him alive.

Belle breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him again. He looked terrified.

_Did he hurt you again?_ She sent, worried.

Rumple ran over and handed Belle the senna, all except a small leaf which he would mix with the dreamwort in the tea to give to Pan and hopefully it'd make his papa too sick to whip him before falling asleep.

_He . . . he said . . . he was gonna . . . skin me alive if the leaf didn't work . . . and he smacked my butt hard . . .I think I've got another bruise on it . . ._

"Ooohh, that jerk!" Regina spat, her dark eyes flashing angrily. She threw the herbs into the pot. "Can't wait to teach 'em all a lesson!"

_Yeah . . . just . . . give me 'bout an hour for Papa to get sick n' pass out . . . then we'll get sick . . . and then they all will . . ._

_Then we can go home!_ Belle cheered.

Rumple smiled, hoping this worked. -_to Bae and Emma! Gotta go!_ He limped up to Pan's hut and went inside. "Papa, I got it!" he yelled in his most shrill annoying voice.

"Do you mind!" growled his father, he'd been napping at the table.

"But Papa . . . lookit!" He ran up to Pan to proudly show him the purple leaf. "I did it!"

Pan looked bored, but a frission of excitement ran through him. "Yes, yes..now get my tea ready. And be quick about it."

"Where's the tea pot, Papa?"

Pan rolled his eyes. "Look for it, you idiot. You got eyes, use them! Before I give you a black one to help you see better!"

"Okay!" _Lazy ass!_ He rummaged around on the shelves, knocking a few things over before crying, "Found it!"

"Pick that up!" barked the older boy.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to!" He picked up whatever had fallen . . .there was a magazine . . . with some naked woman on the cover. "Papa, who's this?"

Pan turned. "Give me that!" He snatched the Penthouse from his son. "Not like you'd know what to do with a naked woman if you saw one."

Rumple was puzzled. "Is she your girlfriend? Why's she got no clothes on?"

"You're wasting time, boy. Do I have to get the belt?"

"NO-O-O!" He grabbed the teapot and filled it with water from the pitcher, thinking sometimes it wasn't wise for him to taunt his father. Then he heated the pot and waited till the water was boiling before he dumped in the herbs and stirred it. "Okay, it's gotta steep for . . . twenty minutes . . ."

Pan scowled. "Too damned long."

"It's gotta be that long . . .otherwise the herb won't make a strong 'nough tea," Rumple whined, and the tea had to be strong enough, or the plan would fail.

"Fine!" His patience, what little he had of it, was wearing thin. He'd always been the kind of person who wanted everything right away.

Since he had to be in the man's company for the next twenty minutes, Rumple resolved to continue his earlier line of questioning, since it seemed to make the older boy a bit uncomfortable. Smirking, he asked, "Papa, what DO you do with a naked woman?"

Pan laughed. He could not believe the boy was asking this. If he wanted to know, fine. "Fuck her, boy."

"That's a bad word!" Rumple shook his head. He still didn't know what it meant either. But if his father did it, he was sure it wasn't a good thing.

"Idiot. You're so stupid you probably wouldn't even know how to get it up!"

"Get what up?"

"Your wanker, boy. What do you think?"

"Oh . . ." Rumple still wasn't sure what his papa meant. Grown-ups were weird. "You wanna kiss that girl, Papa? Thought you didn't like girls."

"No, you don't have to kiss 'em...just fuck 'em and leave 'em," he said bluntly, which had always been his policy . . . except once, with Rumple's mother, back when he was a little older than he was now.

The little boy's brow crinkled. That definitely didn't sound right. He recalled something else he'd heard on TV. "Ummm . . . guys that don't like girls like guys . . . and they're gay . . . is that why you don't have any girls here?"

"Look, if I want a woman, I get one. And the boys...aren't ready for wenching yet. And women get a bit clingy if you stick around."

"Oh . . .can you magic one up . . . like her . . .? She looks kinda pretty . . .like my mama . . ." Rumple could just barely remember her, a kindly woman with a sweet smile and large brown eyes and soft brown hair.

"Nah. Women make you weak," snorted his father.

"Huh? But . . .you loved Mama, right . . .?"

"No. She was a good lay, that's all."

"You didn't love her . . . or me . . . then . . .I guess you didn't love anybody . . .why, Papa?" Despite the older man's cruelty, Rumple still sought to understand why the man didn't seem to want him . . . or anyone. Didn't everybody need somebody?

"I don't need anyone. You all just...get in the way," replied the Master of Neverland.

"You need me," Rumple reminded.

Pan snorted. "To do what? Whine at me all day? You're here to work and that's all. Don't try it. It won't work." Pan was frustrated. When was the boy going to understand he didn't love him and never would? Stupid kid!

"But . . . papa's are supposed to . . . love their kids . . .other ones do . . ." Tears started from his eyes again as he realized that nothing he would do would ever make this man love him and it left him torn and bleeding inside. Because though he hated what his papa did to him there was a small corner of his heart that still loved him. He tried to be a good son . . . yet somehow it was never good enough . . .

"I NEVER WANTED TO BE A FATHER. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT TO GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL? NOW WHERE IS THAT FUCKING TEA!" bellowed the older sorcerer. "If I don't have it in two minutes I'm going to beat you till you bleed, you damn brat!"

Rumple shrank away from him, tripping over his cane and landing on the floor. Crying, he picked himself up, thinking-_fine, Papa! I'll give you what you've always given me . . . a world of hurting! _Then he went to check on the tea. He sniffed it and looked at it . . . it was ready. He carefully poured it into Pan's mug. "Here, Papa."

Pan snatched it from the boy's hands and took a drink. "This better work," he cautioned again and glared at the child over the rim of the cup.

"You oughta feel something happen in . . .five minutes." He turned away to hide an evil little grin.

"It can't happen now?"

"Uh . . . okay . .." _You asked for it!_ He made a small gesture and made the senna stronger.

Pan could feel something start to happen. "I can feel it . . it's working . . .!" A hot flush spread through his body. He could feel the magic . . .it was making him stronger . . .

_That's it you shit...get sick!_ Rumple crowed silently.

"Maybe you'll keep your skin after all boy . . ." Pan smiled triumphantly. Then abruptly he doubled over as cramps struck him. "Ooohh . .. ahhh . . . gods, is it supposed to feel like this?"

Rumple shrugged. "Dunno. I never drank it." He covered his mouth with his hand. _Bombs away!_

Suddenly Pan raced over to the chamber pot, his guts in an uproar. " . . . fuck . . .I almost . . .oh gods . . ." He began pooping, as the senna turned his bowels to water.

Five minutes passed . . .Pan was sicker than a dog . . ." Rumple . . . gimme some water . . ." he moaned.

"Okay, Papa!" Rumple went to get a cup of water, holding his nose.

"Be quick about it! Oooh . . .what the fuck was in that tea you imbecile?!" he snarled, still doubled over on the pot.

"I made it the way I was 'sposed to!" the child protested. And it had worked!

"Ha! You probably screwed up . . . like always . . . ahhh . . .can't stop . . .gods . . . stupid kid . . .you've poisoned me, you shit . . .my brains are coming out my ass . . .".

Good, Rumple thought bitterly.

Pan groaned again and soon the hut was filled with the stench of sickness . . .finally he managed to get up and stagger over to the bed . . . where he passes out as the dreamwort kicked in, but as he does so he craps himself in his sleep.

Rumple wrinkled his little nose. "You can wallow in it for all I care, Papa."

Pan snored on . . .ZZZZZ . . .

The little boy watched him, scowling with disgust and left the hut for some fresh air. Time for part two.

"Rumple, you okay? Did you do it?" asked Belle.

"M'okay...he's sleepin and he's gonna be really smelly when he wakes up."

"Why, mate?"

Rumple smirked. "He umm...pooped his pants while he's sleepin'. The tea, you know."

"Hahahaha! Just like a little BABY!" Hook doubles over laughing.

"Ewwww!" Belle squealed.

"I pity the person who gets to clean those skiddies," Regina made a face. "Yuck! Cause it ain't gonna be us!"

"Now let's git these jerks!" hooted Killian.

"Right! Now . . . time to get sick. . ." He waved a hand at his friends and himself.

Belle moaned, hugging her tummy. "I don't feel so good."

Then Rumple doubled over, groaning-"Oooh! My tummy hurts! Papa, I feel like I'm gonna barf!"

"Awww, me too." Hook whimpered.

"I don't wanna puke!" yelped Regina, looking green.

Felix strode over. "What the hell?"

"Felix . . .I feel sick . . ." Rumple whined pitifully, then threw up all over him.

Felix stared at his stained breeches. "You dirty little bastard!"

"Can't help it . . . Hook added, then he did too, while the girls clutched their stomachs and groaned.

Felix was horrified. He'd been _puked_ on twice in two seconds! "NO...fuckin...way...get away from me!"

Rumple held out his hands pleadingly. "You gotta help us . . . we ate some fruit that was on the ground . . .ooww . . ."

"Whatsamatter with them? They got the plague or something?" asked a smaller Lost Boy.

_No, but you will_, Rumple thought.

"They ate something rotten . . . dumbass kids . . . Get in your cages, now!" Felix barked, then he herded the kids into them, all save for Rumple. "You!" He pointed to Rumple. "Go back and let your old man deal with you . . . I ain't babysitting no puking brat!"

_Just a little longer_, the small wizard thought, holding his tummy and crying.

Felix turned to the other boys, ignoring the sick child. "Okay, chow time! Come and get it, boys!" He banged on a metal triangle to call them in for dinner.

While the others waited in their cages, Rumple concealed himself in the bushes by his father's hut.

The Lost Boys all gathered around Rufio and got served a bowl of stew and some flatbread and a stalk of sugar cane for a sweet. They all grabbed their bowls and began shoveling the food down like pigs.

_Get ready_, Rumple sent to the others.

Regina rubbed her hands together and giggled. Belle and Hook smiled. Operation Diarrhea Attack was on.

After about five minutes . . . one of the lost Boys moaned and grabbed his tummy. "Oooh . . . I feel sick . . ."

Then another one did some two minutes later. "Me too . . .need the outhouse!" He ran towards it.

Felix blinked. "Rufio...you use rotten meat or what?"

"No way . . . you just shot that damn deer! How could it spoil? Maybe it was wormy?" the chef cried, alarmed.

It was like an epidemic . . . one by one they all fell ill . . . and ran into the jungle or the outhouse to poop. Felix was among the last to fall victim . . .and he shoved another kid out of the way and kicked one out of the outhouse .

Hook stood up and waved his hook in the air. "Shitheads!"

Belle clapped her hands. "We're gonna kick some Lost Boy ass!"

It was utter pandemonium in the Lost Boy camp and the four little children were enjoying every minute of it. Regina began to sing an accompaniment to all the chaos. "When you're sliding into first and you feel something burst—diarrhea!"

"Diarrhea!" chimed in Hook. Then he added, "When you're jumpin' onto third and you lay a juicy turd—diarrhea!"

"Diarrhea!" sang Belle, then continued with, "When you're playing in the dirt and you feel something squirt—diarrhea!"

Boys were running everywhere, and falling down sick as dogs . . .

"Diarrhea!" warbled Rumple, and took the final stanza, as he came out from the trees. "When you're running down the road and you feel your butt explode-diarrhea!"

"Diarrhea!" the four chorused in angelic tones . . . then they cracked up laughing like fiends. Hook made farting noises and they howled inside the cages.

Rufio, the last one to get eat, took one look at them and muttered, "Hell, I ain't getting blamed for this!" and took off into the jungle.

Rumple ran to the cages to release his friends.

Regina grabbed the book and took it with her.

"Time for some payback!" Rumple whooped.

He then surprised everyone by turning them all into little Indians

"C'mon, we're Comanche now! And we're goin' on the warpath!" He began whooping and hollering. "Let's stake Felix!"

"YAY!" they all hollered, then began making war cries like Indians and marched out of camp. They ran off into the jungle and found their tormentor still doubled over from a bout of nausea.

"Wha...how'd you get...who're you?" he yelped, trying to pull his pants up.

Rumple let out an eerie yowl. "We're Comanche! I'm Shaman Magic Your Ass!"

"And I'M Cheiftess Eat Your Heart Out!" Regina said sassily.

"I'm Princess Braveheart," announced Belle. "Abritor of Justice!"

"And I'm War Chief Rip Out Your Guts!" Hook declared, waving his hook around.

Felix gulped. "Whaddaya want with me?"

Rumple glowered at him. "It's YOUR fault Neverland's dying . . . you brought these kids here and they've dug up our trees, pissed in our streams, and chased away all the game. You destroy everything with your evil behavior. You've wrecked our homes and made your camp over our sacred burial ground!" He shook his fist at Felix. You've made the spirits very angry!"

Regina crossed her arms over her chest. "They demand a sacrifice!"

Hook pointed at Felix. "And you're it!"

Belle shook her finger at him. "They have spoken! This is what happens when you're bad!"

Felix shrank away from the little demons. "No, please! It wasn't me! It was Pan! Sacrifice him!"

"No . . . you'll do!" Rumple ordered in as deep a voice as he could manage.

"Wait . . . I've got some kids you can sacrifice instead . . . four of 'em! I'll make you a deal!" Felix pleaded desperately, tripping over his own pants and falling down.

Belle scowled. "You're nasty! And a coward!"

"Dickhead! Your mother has turned her face away in shame!" Hook cried.

"Let's give him the royal treatment, shaman!" ordered Regina imperiously.

Rumple began baying like a coyote. He shook his cane turned into a staff with his illusion magic. " Ahh-woo! Your spirit is dark and foul . . . you're a coward and a yellow dog . . . you've 'fended our ancestors and now you'll pay!" He gestures and some stakes pop up from the ground with rawhide ties.

They all grab Felix's arms and legs and tie him to the stakes while he begs them to stop.

"Please . . . I'll give you anything . . ."

"We don't need anything from you, you whiny brat!" laughs Regina. She gestured and Felix's clothes vanished. Then she turned away, saying-"Ugh! You're so ugly the Great Spirit took one look at your stinky ass and ran back to heaven!"

Belle covered her eyes. "You're a pale little worm!"

"What . . . what are you gonna do to me . . .please . . . I don't wanna die . . ." Felix wept, shaking.

Rumple grinned. "Say hello to my little friends!" He summoned red army ants which crawl all over Felix.

"Now eat shit!" Regina yodeled, and she conjured manure in his mouth.

They leave while Felix screams and shouts for them to come back-"Help! Boys! Pan! Anybody! HEELPP! Oww! Ohh! Ahhh!"

They all high five each other. "Babies rule and Lost Boys drool!"

Regina clapped. "We did it!"

Rumple yawned. "Yeah, but now I'm tired again."

"Let's go find Ariel!" Hook said, and led the way down to the ocean.

Once they reach the shore, Hook retrieved the shell from its hiding place and spoke into it.

Moments later the mermaid comes to the surface.

"Hello!" Ariel waved to them.

Rumple waved back. "Hi! I'm Rumple."

Regina smiled. "She really looks like Ariel! And I'm Regina."

"Cool!" Belle was jumping up and down. "And I'm Belle."

"We've come so you can show us how to cast the spell now," Hook said.

"Do each of you have an object to enchant?" Ariel asked.

"We do, here's my ring." Rumple showed her his fire opal cabochon ring.

"An' here's my necklace," Belle showed her the tricolor gold rose. "It was my mama's."

"Don't forget my hook." Killian waved it.

Regina added her ring to the pile in the mermaid's hand.

Rumple looked at Ariel. "So what do we do now?"

"You and your friend Regina must hold the objects in your hands together and chant: Human I may be, but with this spell let me become a child of the sea," Ariel told them. "It's ancient magic from the dawn of time."

"Okay, let's do it, Rumple!"

Rumple took his ring and Belle's necklace. "Human we may be but with this spell let us become children of the sea!"

Regina took her ring and the hook and repeated the spell.

The objects in the children's hands began to glow with a bright white light.

"Nice try, laddie," sneered a familiar voice.

Rumple almost died. "N-No!"

Pan was flying above them, grinning diabolically. He waved his hand and the enchanted objects flew out of the children's hands and into the sea.

"Crap! It's the dickless wonder!" Hook wailed.

"You didn't think your little trick could defeat me, did you?" Pan laughed wickedly. "Peter Pan never fails!" He then sent an energy blast at Ariel, forcing her back underwater.

"No!" Rumple sobbed. He tried to retrieve the objects. "How'd you get your magic back?"

"I am the master of this island, Rumple! And I rule all!" Pan cackled, not caring if he spent the remaining magic in the hourglass recklessly.

Pan hit all of them with an immobilization spell, freezing them in place. Then he landed on the ground, smirking devilishly. "There's only one way to make me the strongest sorcerer...and that is with your hearts! Time to meet your mama, Rumplestiltskin, you worthless larvae!"

Then he waved a hand and transported all of them to Skull Rock, to the cavern where the hourglass rested . . . and a stone table where he had sacrificed other boys to feed his magic. Soon the table would have another two occupants . . . and his magic would be renewed, stronger than ever.

"Now, children . . . let's play Sacrificial Magic!"


	15. Love is Power

**15**

**Love is Power**

"Screw you, Papa!" Rumple spat, mustering up the last bit of courage he possessed. The bitter taste of failure stung the back of his throat. After all their scheming and planning, it had come to this. Perhaps his papa had been right after all—and Peter Pan never failed.

Pan walked up to the child and glared down at him. "Nothing will please me more than to be rid of you once and for all."

"Up yours, Daddy Dearest!" Regina catcalled.

Pan placed Rumple upon the stone table, and then summoned a long athame to him. "Well, laddie, it's time you finally made yourself useful to me," the dark sorcerer smirked. He pricked the boy's finger with the dagger tipped with squid ink.

Unable to move, Rumple hissed, "You can take my heart, Papa, but you'll never find happiness . . . all power will bring you is emptiness, because evil destroys itself . . ." The old fear was welling in him as he realized there was no help coming, and he would die here upon this table if Pan had his way, his heart sacrificed to feed his father's desire for ultimate power.

His friends wept silently, wishing there was something they could do, but they too were frozen in a grotesque tableau.

Rumple figured he could spend his last few minutes speaking to his father, perhaps something could touch him. It was a slim hope, yet he could not bear to let it go. "We could have been . . . happy together . . . if you were like a real father . . . and not a monster . . ."

"Shut up!" growled Pan.

"Truth hurts . . . doesn't it? What would _your_ papa think of you, doing this?"

"He never gave two shits about me. So what difference does it make?" said his father cruelly.

"But _I_ would have . . .'cept you never gave me a chance . . .and that's sad . . .you'll die alone . . . unloved and empty . . .a shadow soul . . ." Rumple murmured, knowing it was so without knowing why. "You could have had love, but you threw it away, and now you have nothing, Papa. Nothing but heartlessness and greed."

Pan laughed mockingly. "Pretty words...that mean nothing."

The kids saw the Shadow above Pan . . . pointing to the hourglass, which was a huge one containing the magical sands that gave Pan his power.

_What's it tryin' to say?_ Regina sent to Belle and Hook.

_I dunno_, Hook was puzzled.

_It's pointin' to the hourglass_ . . . observed Belle.

_Yeah, but why?_

Belle had an idea. _Maybe it's magic . . . and we need to break it to stop Pan . . ._

Pan fingered the dagger in his hand. He'd wasted enough time with this worthless slime. "Time's up, laddie."

He raised the dagger, a malevolent grin spreading over his youthful features.

Regina gasped. _How? We can't move! He's gonna kill Rumple!_

_Yes we . . . can . . . we just hafta believe . . . his magic's weak . . . and ours is strong . . .Rumple . . . BELIEVE!_ Belle sent him her own strength and belief, giving it all to the trapped wizard upon the stone table. Silent tears coursed down her cheeks like summer rain.

Hook was sweating. _We gotta try_.

Regina smiled. "Friends forever!"

Hook coughed. "We can beat him together, mate."

"Because we love you, Rumple!" Belle encouraged.

"Love . . . is the greatest magic . . " Rumple spoke up.

Pan scoffed. "Love is for fools."

"No . . . love is POWER!" Suddenly a glowing white light encased him.

"You're doing it!" Belle shouted.

They could feel the immobilization spell weakening.

"I can move!" Killian cried, wriggling his hand.

"Me too!" Regina gasped. She made Pan's dagger disappear.

"So can I!" Belle discovered.

"What are you doing?" Pan realized they were free for the first time.

"About to kick your ass and take names...dick!" Hook sneered.

Rumple beamed, as he sat up on the table, the spell holding him fading away. "I told you, Papa, love is power!" Then he slammed Pan across the room with a white magic bolt.

Pan flew across the room, crashing into the wall. He crumpled up in a heap on the floor, his head cut and bleeding from the impact. Woozy, he tried to sit up, howling, "Nooooo...you little bastard!"

Belle raced over to the hourglass. "The hourglass, we have to break it!"

"Right," Regina agreed. "C'mon, guys! Beat the shit out of it!" She too ran over beside Belle.

"You don't have to ask me twice. CHARGE!" Killian bellowed. "Save Rumple! Kill Pan!"

Rumple gave a soft smile of delight. "I'll keep Papa busy . . ." He slammed Pan with another magic bolt, knocking him down again. "How's that feel,Papa?" he queried insolently.

"When...I ...get...my..hands...on you..." Pan threatened, his head starting to spin.

"Ain't gonna happen . . . cause now I'M gonna whip YOUR ass!" his son yelled.

"You get him, Rumple!" Belle urged. "Regina, give us something to hit this thing with!"

Regina conjured a large pointed rock. They all rushed forward and medthe rocks into the glass. The glass is old and thick, but it shuddered under the impact of the rocks wielded by the small hands.

Rumple conjured a big ass paddle and sent it flying over Pan. His little face grim, he said angrily, "Now I'M gonna punish you, Papa! For being a horrible father!"

"Get 'im good, mate!" Killian yowled and pounded harder with his rock. A crack spiderwebbed through the glass.

"Beat the snot outta him, Rumple!" shrieked Regina, bringing the rock down over and over upon the glass with both her hand and her magic, pretending she was mashing Pan's face for hurting Rumple.

"Yeah! Teach him a lesson on how to behave!" the former librarian snarled, her little face a mask of fury as she slammed the rock down and the glass cracked. She bared her teeth like an avenging angel and hit the rock again. "C'mon you stupid glass! Break! This is for Rumple!"

In a way, the three hammering away at the glass, slowly damaging the source of Pan's power as they did so, was almost like beating up the devious sadistic sorcerer for hurting poor Rumple. They could see cracks forming in the glass from the strength of their blows, spreading like wildfire throughout it.

"It's working! It's working...keep going!" Belle panted, lifting her rock again, she was becoming tired, but she refused to give up.

Hook gritted his teeth. "You're going DOWN, dick!" More cracks arced through the ancient glass.

"Just a little more...we can DO it!" urged Regina, ignoring her exhaustion. One crack would be all it took to release the magic sand . . . and with it the magic within.

The paddle whacked Pan on the ass repeatedly, while an angry Rumple pinned him on the floor with his magic. "How do you like it? How do you like being helpless, you bastard?" he screamed, all of his anger at his father's unjust treatment and all of the pain the man had caused him exploding through him like star gone nova.

"I'll kill you!" Pan bawled, yelping in spite of himself at the deserved beating, but unable to retaliate, as his magic had suddenly refused to respond to him.

"You hurt me . . .for nothing . . .you miserable old scumbag . . .you hurt me all the time . . .and I didn't do anything to you . . .and now I'm gonna hurt you . . ." cried Rumple, his brown eyes burning with angry tears.

The other kids cheered loudly.

"OWW!" shrieked Pan, sounding more like a child than he had previously as the paddle spanked him hard. "Should've smothered you...when you were born!" He spat, glaring hatefully at his toddler son.

"You . . . disgusting . . .bastard . . .I _hate_ you!" panted the little magician, tears streaming down his face, and the paddle continued to beat Pan, as he recalled all the times he had been the victim of his father's cruel unpredictable temper and cold indifference.

"Stupid . . . worthless . . .worm . . . OWWW!" Pan attempted to block the paddle with his hand, only to discover the chastisement hurt more when he did so.

Rumple clenched his fists. "You wanna be free of me . . . well I wanna be free of _you_ . . .!" As the paddle lifted for another blow, the white hot rage possessing him faded and the child realized something. He was behaving just like the man he detested, allowing his temper to dictate his actions. And though a part of him rejoiced in causing the man before him pain the way Pan had him, another part knew such vengeance would only lead down the same road as his papa had walked.

Rumple suddenly banished the paddle, saying, "I'm not like you, Papa. And I never will be." He looked up towards the hourglass with its spiderweb of cracks. "But you gotta be stopped . . .you can't go on hurting kids . . . and not paying for what you've done . . ." There was a resignation in his voice now that hadn't been there before. Resignation and finality.

Pan sensed his own peril looming, and became desperate to stave it off. "Now, Rumple, listen . . . we can make a deal . . . start over . . . I'll be better, laddie . .. you can still have a happy ending . . ." he wheedled, using his most persuasive tones.

Rumple shook his head. "But _you're_ a villain, Papa . . . and villains don't get happy endings . . . and all magic comes with a price."

He conjured a large stalactite, which hovered in the air for an eternity of an instant . . . and then it dropped upon the hourglass, shattering it. Glass shards fell upon the stone floor in a thousand small splinters. But it was enough. The magical sand trickled out . . .and Rumple whispered, "This is what you chose, Papa . . . and power destroys . . ."

Pan screamed as he began to age at an accelerated rate and his flesh began to rot, his skin blackening and withering, as if stricken with a leprous plague.

The children gasped in horror as the magic exacted its price for all the times Pan had stolen the youth and lives of the children he'd captured. Pan's flesh hissed and bubbled as if heated from within, turning a hideous greenish black like a gangrenous wound, putrid and stinking like the black soul it housed. Pan writhed and wailed in agony as the dark magic claimed him.

Belle buried her head in Rumple's shoulder, unable to look anymore. But Rumple, Regina, and Hook watched in horrified fascination, unable to look away.

Until all that stood before them was skeleton that shattered and turned into dust as did the magic sand.

Rumple heaved a huge sigh. "It's done. Goodbye, Papa." He should have felt sorrow, but all he felt then was a great wave of relief. His nightmare was over at last.

Hook whistled. "Whoa! That was...awesome!"

"How come that happened?" Regina wanted to know.

Rumple shrugged, for once not having any clever answer to share. His gaze was drawn upwards. "Maybe the Shadow knows?"

The shadow flew over to them.

"Neverland was once a place where children could find happiness in their dreams but when Pan came, he corrupted it with his darkness," it spoke in a deep sepulchral tone, yet somehow it didn't sound menacing or scary. "And you, it seems, have the power to return it to the light again."

"How?" asked Rumple, raising an eyebrow.

"Join hands, children and believe...in yourselves, your love, and your friendship," intoned the Shadow.

They all do so and chant together, "I believe . . . in love and hope and dreams and the healing of harms."

At their words a brilliant glow surrounded them and then exploded outward, washing over the entire island and transforming it back to the tropical paradise it had once been . . . flowers bloomed anew and the breeze became soft and balmy . . . the corruption of Pan's influence was washed away in the ripples of white magic, which lapped up against the ocean shore . . . and the waters turned a clear cobalt again . .. the shadows in Dark Hollow were freed and so were all the Lost Boys from Pan's corrupting influence.

"Did we...do that?" an astonished Belle gasped.

"Yeah . . . we all did . . .and now . . . Neverland is as it should be . . ." Rumple told her quietly.

The shadow transformed into a young boy with white blond hair and blue eyes. "Hello."

"Who're you?" Regina eyed him up and down.

"Gabriel," the boy replied, he looked to be about fourteen or thereabouts, and was just slightly transparent around the edges. "I'm the protector of Neverland. But when Pan arrived, breaking the rules of this land, and stealing its magic, he made me his prisoner, but now you have freed me . . . as well as all the other poor souls he ripped apart with his magic."

"So . . . you're sort of like the _real_ Peter Pan," Rumple stated, awed.

"I am indeed, Rumplestiltskin," laughed Gabriel, his chuckle echoing off the stone walls.

"Were you once a little boy too?" asked Belle curiously.

"Yes. But not from here. I came from a place called Ireland."

"How'd you get here? Did Pan steal ya away?" Hook surmised.

"No. Long ago, I was an orphan on the streets of Ireland, but I was born to two parents who were sorcerers." The boy lowered his head. "They were burned. It . . . was thought that any who practiced magic back then were evil . . . and that was the punishment for doing so. They were wrong, but . . . my parents still paid the price for people's ignorance and fear."

"How awful!" Belle said, her face twisting in sympathy.

"They wanted to burn me too but I ran away...but I couldn't take care of myself...I got sick and thought I would die and as I was dying I wished to go to place where I would be safe and loved...and somehow...I ended up here, my spirit preserved in this immortal body."

As the former shadow spoke, his form became less transparent and more substantial, until he stood before them whole as he had been so long before.

"So you became the Guardian," surmised Rumple.

"Yes . . . and there are so many unhappy children in the world now that it grieves me," Gabriel said sadly. "My purpose has always been to provide the lost and lonely with a safe haven to come to . . . in dreams or reality if they so desire. To give them what I was given in my time of need."

"I was one once . . ." murmured the former Dark One.

Gabriel nodded. "Yes, all of you were at one point or another. But though dark magic banished you here, you have all managed to come together on this journey and learn the true message of Neverland—that love is hope, and it never dies." He looked at Rumple and Belle, who were now holding hands. "And you two . . . have between you the strongest magic in all the realms."

Belle's mouth gaped. "M-Me? But . . . I'm not a sorceress!"

The Guardian of Neverland gave her a wry grin. "True love's magic can be invoked by anyone."

Rumple nodded, as did Regina. "True love breaks all curses. I've always known that."

"It does. But never underestimate the power of friendship either. You all have it now...keep it...make it grow," Gabriel instructed calmly.

"We will," assure Regina.

"What about the magic in the hourglass? When it shattered . . . is it all gone?" asked Killian.

"The dark magic, yes. But the light magic is back where it rightfully belongs...the land itself and in those pure of heart."

"What happened to the Lost Boys?" Belle wondered.

"The bad ones...have been cast out. The others...will remain here as they have no homes to return to," replied Gabriel.

"Who's gonna take care of the ones who stayed here?" Rumple wanted to know.

"I will," Gabriel answered quietly.

Rumple gave him a sweet endearing smile. "I'm sure you'll be a better papa to them than mine was."

"So Felix is gone?" Hook clarified.

"Yes. Felix and those dark souls like him . . . were sent to where all dark souls eventually go," answered Gabriel.

"They went to hell," Regina informed him. "Like Miss Lucy's steamboat."

"Yes, little one. They did. Now, as much as I wish for you to stay, you have people in your land who loved and miss you . . ." reminded the Protector.

"Bae and Emma," crowed Rumple.

"Yes."

"Can we go home now?" Belle begged.

Gabriel waved his hand and a magic portal appeared, showing Ariel swimming near the beach where Hook had found the shell, holding the enchanted objects in her hands.

"You will still be able to honor the deal you made with her. And if you ever wish to return to Neverland, you are welcome to do so as long as you are children. You have but to open a portal or visit in your dreams," the Protector instructed.

"And if you ever need us . . . just call," Rumple offered, and held out a hand.

Gabriel shook it. "You have come the farthest in your journey, Rumplestiltskin. I see great things in your future."

"I'm gonna marry Belle when I'm grown up."

"Well, you might not have too long to wait for that," smirked Gabriel.

Belle laughed. "If you say so. C'mon, guys! Bye, Gabriel! I'll see you in my dreams!"

"Goodbye, Belle. Always remain pure of heart, and steadfast of purpose! And thank you!" Gabriel grinned at her, his green eyes twinkling.

"You're welcome!" chuckled Regina. "Now let's grow fins!" She waved and blew the guardian boy a kiss.

Gabriel gave an amused little laugh, then whispered softly, "I believe this is the last we've seen of the Evil Queen."

"See ya, mate! Home sweet home, here we come!" Hook cried, his face alight with longing and a mischievous delight.

Gabriel gave him a gamin grin in return. "And two bitter enemies can learn to become the best of friends in times of trial. Farewell, saviors of Neverland. We shall always remember what you have done for all of us!" He lifted his hand in a wave, as the four all joined hands and sprang through the portal to land upon the beach where Ariel awaited them, to teach them how to cross realms and return to Storybrooke.

Then the Guardian of Neverland, known to some little children as the eternal spirit of youth, Peter Pan, soared away upon the wings of faith, trust, and pixie dust given to him long ago by the good fairies of Pixie Hollow, to greet the remaining Lost Boys and re-establish his benevolent rule over the island, which could only be reached by children who believed in magic and dreams following the second star to the right and straight on till morning.

**A/N: So what did you think of the way Pan died? Did you find it more satisfying than on the show? Special thanks to CJ Moliere for her ideas and input and her background of Gabriel, the real Peter Pan. And thanks to everyone who had read and favorited this! You all rock, dearies! What do you think will happen to Blue?**


	16. Home is Where the Heart Is

**16**

**Home is Where the Heart Is**

When they hit the beach, Rumple turned and hugged Belle, saying, "Are you okay? Thought for a minute he was tryin' to kill you too."

Belle hugged him back and kissed him. "I'm fine, Rumple! Now let's go home. Bae n' Emma are probably scared to death 'cause we're all gone."

"Hope they ain't mad at us," Hook said worriedly.

"If they are, we'll just tell 'em what happened, an' they can gets mad at the Butt Muncher," Regina pointed out.

Then they all splashed into the surf and retrieved their talismans from Ariel.

Rumple was the first to put on his talisman when they landed in the water, and his whole body shimmered and his legs became a shiny blue scaled tail, with a large purple and blue fin, that glistened as the water hit it. His little chest was bare from the waist up, and sprinkled lightly with tiny golden scales and his light brown hair had some blue streaks in it.

"Oooh, pretty!" cooed Regina. When she put on her ring, she transformed into a little mermaid with a deep crimson tail, a matching seashell top, a pearlescent sheen to her skin, and her dark hair had red tips.

"Cool!" Belle shrilled and put on her rose necklace, which had once been her mother's. She became a mermaid with a lovely lavender tail shot through with darker purple streaks, a matching seashell top, her skin sprinkled with golden scales and her dark auburn hair had lavender streaks in it, as well as a purple flower.

"You look beautiful, dearie," Rumple grinned, and Belle blushed.

Hook rolled his eyes. "Mushy stuff!" Then he put on his hook and became a merboy with a deep green tail, his skin had a faint blue tinge to it, and his hair was long, dark, and had green streaks. He playfully splashed Rumple with his new tail. "Awesome! I'm rockin' this tail!"

Ariel smiled at them. "Are we all ready to go?"

Rumple nodded, after sending a wave over Killian. "Yeah."

"Okay, follow me!" she called, then dove beneath the surface.

The merchildren followed in the wake of her sea-green fins.

Under the sea, the children found much to stare at in amazement, as they saw a world none of them could have imagined.

The water surrounding them was a deep crystal blue in some places and in others a soothing green. Coral of many different colors jutted up from the ocean floor and sea kelp and other underwater plants waved their fronds as the water moved. Even the light was different, it was soft and less harsh as the water filtered it in the depths. And they could breathe water like air.

"This is soo cool!" Regina shouted, noting that even her voice sounded different underwater, deeper and softer, and it echoed differently. She swan through a stand of kelp, and giggled as the plants stroked her tail, which was strong and propelled her with ease through the water.

"Look at all the pretty coral and a sea anememone!" Belle giggled, touching a piece as she swam backwards, her fins sparkling and her hair flowing all about her like a cloak. Her cerulean eyes matched the ocean water perfectly.

"Wow! See all the fishies!" Hook cried, as they swam through a school of different kinds of small tropical fish. His hand reached out and tugged an angel fish's tail playfully, and the fish gave him a reproving look. "Ooops, sorry!" he said with a guilty smirk.

Rumple was swimming alongside Belle and Ariel as they went through the school and he called, "Look a clown fish! It's Nemo!" He waved at the small orange and white fish, trying to see if it had a lame fin. He noticed that his tail fin wasn't lame at all, but perfectly normal.

"Ooo! Hi, Nemo!" Regina warbled.

"Where's Dory?" asked Belle, looking around for the blue fish.

"She forgot to come," laughed Rumple.

"Aww, drat!" Hook sighed. "Hey, Ariel! Where's Flounder and the crab?"

"His name's Sebastian," Belle reminded him.

"Yeah, don'tch 'member?" Regina muttered.

"Nah. Just always called 'im the crab," Hook coughed.

Ariel chuckled. "Umm . . . they're home with my dad, King Triton. Is the water beautiful now? It's all clear and shimmering, the magic made it so, after Pan was defeated." She indicated the cobalt waters surrounding them.

"Ya mean, it wasn't before?" Hook asked in dismay. "Figures that dick would ruin the sea too!"

"Yes . . . the water was dark and murky, you couldn't breathe very well in it, and it smelled like . . .rotten things . . . it was like full of hopelessness and despair . . .and it transformed my sisters into . . . creatures more like evil monsters than true merpeople. The mermaids in Mermaid Lagoon used to be peaceful until Pan's dark magic swept over them . . ." Ariel recited softly, her green eyes grave.

"Uh oh!" Regina shook her head. "Are they free now?"

"No wonder they hated us! They was cursed!" Hook cried.

"That's terrible!" Belle murmured.

"Yes, they are. Like I said, when Pan was defeated, everything that his dark magic did was reversed. Now the seas about Neverland are clear again, and the mermaids who played in Mermaid Lagoon are themselves once more."

"I'm glad," Rumple said feelingly. "And m'sorry my papa did that to your people." He was feeling guiltier by the minute thinking about the havoc Pan had wreaked upon everyone.

"Oh, Rumple, you're not responsible for the choices he made . . .he was an adult who chose power and darkness over family and love. And in the end, it was his undoing. You've done a great thing by freeing Neverland from him. And we merfolk will always be grateful to you for it," Ariel said, patting his shoulder soothingly.

Rumple nodded, his brown eyes filled with sorrow. "I just feel so bad . . . he hurt so many people . . . not just me. And I'm his son."

"Any of us would . . . but remember . . .you might be your papa's child, but you chose light over darkness . . . and you're a better man than he is . . .and that's what matters. And . . . perhaps you'd like to come to Atlantica someday and help us in our kingdom? We could use a white mage like you." Ariel invited, wrapping her arms around the small magician and hugging him.

Rumple looked up at her in astonishment. "You would? Man, I'm just a kid, but . . . I'd like to come and visit your kingdom. It sounds really nice . . ."

"I'd like to see it too," Belle said, for she had always dreamed of seeing far away places.

"Me too!" Regina chimed in.

"You ain't goin' without me, mates!"

"We would be proud to have all of you come, after all, you're the heroes of Neverland," Ariel said simply.

Hook almost swallowed a bit of sea kelp. "We . . . are?"

Regina nodded. "Uh huh, 'cause we kicked Pan's nasty butt!"

Ariel nodded. "And you've restored the Balance of magic too . . . and shown the true power of love and what it can do. My people's bards are already composing ballads about it, I'd wager . . ."

"Y'mean, we're in stories?" Belle giggled. "Sweet!" Then she remembered something else. "Ariel, are you gonna take Eric back with you? He's not merfolk like you, is he?"

"Nope. He's human, like us," Regina reminded.

"I wasn't sure . . . if he'd be like in the movie," Belle mused.

"No, he's human . . . and I love him . . . and he and I will be the link between the land and the sea . . . like it was long long ago in the ancient days, before men grew greedy and proud and tried to wipe the mer off the face of the earth." Ariel informed them, speaking of the ancient war begun between her people and humans decades ago, when the humans first became a power on the sea.

"That's mean!" Rumple scowled.

"Yeah, people can be so dumb!" Regina said scornfully.

"So, Eric's your true love, like Rumple's mine?" Belle asked curiously.

Rumple felt himself blush all the way down to the tips of his fins.

Ariel gave a little laugh and spun around in the water. "Yes. For years there has been a kind of . . . war between us and humans . . . it's why we are forbidden to associate with your kind . . . because doing so usually brings us harm . . . but with Eric and I and now you, we can begin a new age of peace and prosperity and build bridges instead of walls."

"We can do that," Hook said eagerly. "We can tell everybody how nice ya are an' how it's mean n'nasty to eat ya."

"Thank you, Hook!" Ariel chucked the little merboy under the chin. "Now come, we've almost reached the crossing place between realms."

She swam a few feet further on, navigating using a kind of magical silent sonar, the way all merpeople did.

"Good, cause I'm getting sleepy," yawned Regina.

"I want to see Bae," Rumple declared.

Belle nodded. "I just wanna be home." She'd had her fill of adventure for awhile.

"Me too," Killian agreed.

"What do we do, Ariel?" asked Rumple.

"And so you shall . . . in a few moments. Listen . . . there is a veil between this world and your own and in places it's thinned, like peering through a mirror . . . and what you must do is swim up to it and . . . wish yourself home . . . then you'll be able to go through the barrier and be in Storybrooke again . . . wherever there is water. Once you're there . . . you can take off your talismans and become human again." The little mermaid instructed.

"We can do that, but how are you gonna come through?" Rumple fretted.

"I'll follow you, I've done this before, remember? And then I'll bring you home to your . . .er . . . guardians, Bae and Emma," she reassured him.

"Yay!" cheered Regina, waving her red tail happily.

"But . . . you need legs to walk, Ariel," Rumple pointed out.

"That's right. Rumple, can you give her legs?" Belle asked.

"Uh . . . I think so. You gots something I can put a spell on?" he asked.

Ariel held out her arm, which had a sparkling coral bracelet on it. "Will this do?"

"Perfect!" he grinned. "I'll 'chant it when we get into the harbor."

"Then you can see Eric," Belle said excitedly.

"I just hope he's there," Ariel said wistfully.

"Don't worry, we'll find him. We always keep our deals," Rumple told her seriously.

"He has to be . . . ya gotta believe, Ariel," Regina exhorted, her small face solemn.

"I do . . . and if anyone can find him for me, it's you four," the mermaid said confidently.

"Cuz we're the super bunch!" crowed Hook.

Regina sighed. "We need a new name."

"Huh? What's wrong with the one we got?" Hook asked.

"Regina's right, we need something . . . I dunno . . . more catchy now that we're like real heroes," Rumple agreed.

"Like what?" Belle pondered.

"We could kinda be like the Goonies!" sang Regina.

"I ain't doin' the truffle shuffle!" Hook objected. They had watched the movie one night with Emma and Henry.

"How 'bout . . ." Rumple thought for a moment. Then he recalled Henry reading him a comic book one afternoon, and an idea struck. "The Nevengers? You know—the Neverland Avengers?"

"I like that!" Regina approved.

"Yes, it's a good name," agreed Belle.

"Coolness!" Hook said, and slapped Rumple's hand in a high five.

"Just like in the comics!" Rumple cried.

"Yeah, an' now we gotta build ourselves a clubhouse," Hook proposed.

"With a secret super duper password!" Regina added.

"And the special motto," Belle reminded.

"Yeah! So, Rumple, whaddaya think our motto should be?" asked the former queen.

Rumple looked at her askance. "Why do I always get the hard questions? What do I look like . . . Einstein?"

"How about, buttkicking is our business," Hook suggested.

Regina laughed.

But Belle shook her head. "No . . . 'cause that's not all we do. We gotta have one that tells people what we stand for . . ."

"Hmm . . . how 'bout, together we stand, divided we fall?" Regina suggested.

"That's not bad," Rumple allowed. "And true love's magic conquers all."

Belle clapped. "Yes! All for one, and one for all! Like the Magical Musketeers!"

"Never fear, the Nevengers are here! And we can kick some serious butt!" Hook yelled.

"Yeah! That's great!" Regina said.

Ariel stopped swimming abruptly and pointed to a patch of water that seemed oddly lighter than the sea around them. "There's the barrier, children! Now simply wish yourselves home and home you shall go."

Rumple approached first, swimming deliberately and murmuring, "I wish I was home with Bae and Emma." Then he wished hard.

Belle went next, whispering, "There's no place like home," and thinking of Storybrooke.

"I wanna go home and see Henry and then get some sleep, m'tired," muttered Regina crankily. It was past her naptime.

Hook came last of the four. "I wanna go to my new home," he said, and thought of the apartment.

"Home is where your heart is. Now swim through, and I'll follow," urged Ariel, her red hair floating about her head in a fiery aureole.

The four tots swim through the barrier, and it glowed a brilliant white as they did so, outlining them with magical fire.

Ariel followed and they emerged in the familiar waters of Storybrooke harbor. They whooped with joy and splashed each other.

"We're home! Whoohoo!" yodeled the former mayor.

Rumple recalled his promise. "Here, Ariel." He took Ariel's bracelet in his hand and whispered, "Child of the sea, I wish for thee, to be a child of man, for as long as you need." The bracelet shimmered with magical fire.

Ariel slipped the bracelet on and grew legs and had a pretty geen dress. She walked out of the water. The children slipped off their talismans and become human again and follow. As they stand blinking upon the docks, they're spotted by Leroy.

Leroy almost fell over. His eyes were the size of tires. "What the-hey! I've found them! I gotta tell Nova and Bae and Emma! You guys . . . wait right there and don't go anywhere. Be right back!" He ran off yelling, "They're here! In the harbor! With a red-haired lady! They've come home!"

_The convent_:

After hours of searching, Bae and Emma finally found the wand . . .taped to the underside of a toilet seat in the convent restroom. "That sneaky little . . .!" she growled.

"Hey, we found it. Now let's go see how to use it to get the kids back home. And hope they're okay. If . . . If something's happened to them . . . there's gonna be fried fairy, I swear it!" His eyes flashed angrily.

They ran back along the corridor to Nova's office.

Inside, Nova was speaking to Blue, trying to get the sanctimonious fairy to admit her wrongdoing. "But Blue, you sent innocent CHILDREN through a portal! Can't you see that's wrong?

"Why? I got rid of the Evil Queen and the Dark One! I did something good . . . so why should I be punished?" the child fairy pouted, her lower sticking out.

"But they weren't the Evil Queen and the Dark One . . . they were just children . . .and children are pure and innocent. We're supposed to help them, not harm them," Nova tried again to remind the child of the basic tenets of good fairies.

Blue sulked. "But they'll grow up to be bad! So why not get rid of them?" It seemed perfectly clear to her. "They're bad seeds."

Nova sighed. Clearly she wasn't getting through to the stubborn brat. "We don't know that. When they regressed, they started from scratch again . . . and no evil lived in them. Regina has no dark magic, and neither does Rumple. Hook isn't tainted by revenge either. And Belle never hurt anyone! Besides, that's not for you to decide."

"You just want me to say I'm wrong. Well, I won't! And you can't make me!" She stucks her tongue out at Nova. "I'm glad they're gone and you ought to be thanking me!"

"Your pride and judgmental attitude will be your undoing, I'm afraid." The older fairy lectured.

Blue snorted. "And your weak wishy washy attitude will be yours!"

Nova just shook her head, and then the office door opened and Bae and Emma burst into the room, the wand clutched in Emma's fist.

"We found the wand, Nova! Now tell us how to get the kids back!" the sheriff cried.

"Break it," Nova replied without hesitation.

Blue was dumbstruck. Then she howled, "No! You can't do that! It's MY wand! MINE!" Having a full scale tantrum, she threw herself at Emma, and began to claw, scratch, and kick her shins.

"You . . . little . . . jellyfish!" Emma snapped. "Knock it off!" she held the wand out of reach of the child's fingers and tried to fend her off, wincing.

"Gimme back my wand!" Hollered Blue, enraged.

"Get her off me!" Emma yelped.

"C'mere, you little brat!" growled Neal. "I still owe you a good paddling for what you've done!" He grabbed the child up in his arms, tucking the struggling little wild thing under his arm, while neatly avoiding her attempts to kick him in the groin and scratch out his eyes.

"I want MY wand!" shrieked the small girl, kicking angrily.

"You don't deserve it after what you've done," Emma said sternly.

"Go to hell, you tramp! You and the demonspawn you shack up with!" snarled the irate fairy.

Nova gasped. "Blue! Gracious! I don't know what comes over her. I'm so sorry, Emma! You too, Baelfire."

Blue suddenly turned and sank her teeth into Neal's arm. "Haha! Got you!"

"Oww! Why you little—" he bit off the rest of what he was about to say, recalling where he was. "Okay, I've had enough of your little tantrum, young lady. Apparently you didn't learn your lesson the first time . . .but maybe you will now." He looked at Nova. "Nova, may I borrow your chair?"

The brunette fairy stood up and gestured to it. "Be my guest. I'm at my wits end with her."

"That's cuz you don't have much wits to start with, dumbo!" shrilled Blue.

"See what I mean?" Nova said, frazzled.

Emma nodded. "She's a total brat."

Neal marched over to the chair, carrying the kicking and struggling Blue. "Well, my papa always said there's only one cure for that—a sound spanking." He sat down in the chair Nova had vacated.

"Go ahead, try and spank me!" Blue taunted. "You'll never see your evil father again, because by now he's probably in hell where he belongs!"

"I think we need to call an exorcist," Emma mused.

"You selfish little brat! Yeah . . . maybe she needs to take a bath in some holy water . . .after I warm her butt!" Neal replied, his jaw clenched. Normally he hated doing this kind of thing, but not today. He put the squirming fairy over his knee. "Now . . . THIS is what happens to bad little girls who send innocent children into danger!"

He flipped up her uniform skirt, and whacked her behind, harder than was his wont.

Blue twitched, then sneered, "Didn't hurt! You hit like a itty bitty baby, Baelfire!"

Neal scowled. "I guarantee you won't be saying that when I'm through with you, you rotten imp!" His hand rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and after each stinging smack he lectured, "And you don't steal wands . . . or send little babies through portals 'cause you feel like getting rid of them . . .you don't lie and act like who the hell you are . . .you're supposed to set an example . . . and instead you abuse your power . . ."

Blue began to curse a literal blue streak while he spanked her. Nova was stunned by the obscenity spewing from her lips. She was calling both him and his father every filthy name in the book and even some he hadn't heard.

"Someone needs their mouth washed out with Ivory. Seems like you're not the pure good individual you've seemed, are you?" He continued the punishment, walloping her with firm smacks across her behind and thighs.

"Fuck you and your father can fuck himself in hell with you!"

"What a mouth!" Emma whistled. "She could put a whole boatload of sailors and a bar full of Marines to shame. You're going to need a truckload of soap to scrub out her lips."

Nova looked like she wanted to die of shame.

"Real nice!" Neal rolled his eyes, and administered a few more whacks. Suddenly Blue started squirming and kicking, and the swearing changed into noisy howls. "Owwww! Stop! Yee-oww! Baelfire . . . stop!" she bawled.

Neal paused. The naughty child's bottom was probably on fire by now.

"You better have learned your lesson," Emma scolded, not feeling the slightest bit of sympathy.

"I have . . .ahhh . . ." Blue wept stormily, putting her hand back to cover her throbbing smarting backside.

Neal removed her hand. Then he gave her one last whack.

Blue howled. "Owwww! I'll be good!"

"You gonna behave?" asked Neal sternly.

Blue nodded frantically. "Uh huh. .. .please . . .no more . . .I promise!" she sobbed.

Neal shook his hand. "Damn . . . I think I hurt my hand!" He frowned down at the now contrite child over his knee. "I want you to promise on your Name and your magic," he told her, knowing full well how tricky fairies were and quick to wriggle out of promises. His papa had taught him well.

Blue bawled out an agreement.

"Okay. Now remember this, and don't make me do it again," he coughed. "Because I will if I need to," he warned. He stood her up and then said, "Nova, you got any soap?"

"How many bars do you want?" the other smirked.

Blue shook her head frantically. "Nooo! Not Ivory!"

"Oh yes!" Bae said. "For that mouth, most definitely."

"Amen!" agreed Emma.

"YUCK!" Blue gagged as he scrubbed out her mouth, glaring at him with hate filled eyes.

"Next time, remember, a lady doesn't swear like a sailor! Now go stand in the corner!" Neal reprimanded.

The fairy slouched over to the corner, furious, but not daring to protest any longer. But she began plotting how to get her hands on the wand, while rubbing her sore bottom and sniveling.

"Stand still or we'll make it longer!" warned Emma.

Sullenly, Blue complied and wished Emma was in hell too.

"Nova, is the only way to reverse the spell and get the kids back breaking the wand?" queried Neal, rubbing his stinging palm on his thigh. Next time, if there was one, he thought grimly, he was using a paddle.

Nova nodded. "Yes."

Blue spun around and leveled a death glare at Nova. "You wouldn't _dare_! I'm your superior!"

"Wouldn't I?" Nova returned crisply. "I've grown tired of you and your determination to have everything your own way and not care what lives you ruin if it doesn't fit what YOU think is right!"

"Yes, why don't you go off and shack up with your dwarf? Prove what I've always known—that you're a weak willed fool!" sneered Blue.

"Love is not a weakness."

"It is for us!"

"No, love in any form is right," Nova argued. "But you could never grasp that concept."

"Love is a fairytale told to children by their doting mamas and papas! It's a lie . . . look at the Dark One. Not his son's love or his servant's could save him from darkness!" Blue snapped.

"You're wrong. She always returned to him," Nova refuted.

"Because she's an idiot who is blind and will never see the truth-he loves power first and always and that will never change! He is lost to darkness . . . and belongs with others of his kind in hell!"

"Evil isn't born, it's made. ESPECIALLY in his case!" Bae defended.

"He was cursed to be a monster . . . but all curses can be broken . . . one way or another. You just have to believe . . and want it more than anything you've ever wanted before." Emma argued.

"She'll never believe us. She's so set in her ways it's like talking to a wall," Nova said.

"Then I guess there's only one thing to do. Break the wand," Emma declared.

"No! You can't do that! If you do, I'll be powerless! An outcast! I'm the Blue Fairy!" wailed Blue.

"You've treated others like outcasts for far too long. It's time you become one to see how it feels!" Emma said sharply. She gripped the wand in her hands and bent it.

"And I have spoken with my sisters . . . we've agreed . . .what she has done goes against all of our belief and laws . . .and it's plain from my observations that she had lost her way . . . and this may be her only path to redemption . . . to grow up a human girl . . . and learn compassion and love. Do it, Emma!" Nova ordered.

Emma frowned, the wand was sturdier than it looked.

"Let me help you." Neal took one end and Emma the other.

"NOOO! I curse all of you—" Blue began. The wand snapped in half before she could complete her sentence and the magic fizzled and died.

"You were saying?" Nova snorted.

"I HATE you! I wish you all DIED!"

But her words were now nothing more than the ranting of a selfish child, and no power accompanied them.

"Now where are the kids?" repeated the savior.

The breaking of the wand reversed all the spells cast by it . . . and suddenly at the harbor, a portal formed and whisks away the children and Ariel, bringing them back to where they began-the empty convent classroom.

"Whoa...how'd that happen?" Hook blinked.

"Magic, of course." Rumple answered, rolling his eyes.

Belle laughed. "We're back to the beginning."

"So where's the Butt Muncher?" Regina asked.

"Who cares? Let's find Bae!" He ran to the classroom door and tugged it open, then limped quickly down the corridor, calling, "Bae! BAE!"

Belle followed. "Bae, we're back!"

" Emma, we've come home!" whooped Killian, running after them.

"Weeereeee heeeereeee!" Regina yodeled, sounding eerily like another little girl from a famous movie.

Bae jerked his head up at the sound of some familiar voices. "Is that...? Emma! I hear them!" He ran out of the office so fast the door slammed against the wall. He saw four small children running down the corridor. Emma hurried after him, as anxious to see the children as he was.

"Bae! I've come home!" Rumple shouted, and then he jumped right into his son's arms.

Belle ran and hugged him too. "We missed you!"

"God! I missed you too!" He nearly crushed Rumple, squeezing him tightly against his chest, then he reached for Belle and hugged her too. He found there were tears trickling down his cheeks as he clasped his precious children close.

"Hey, kid! You okay?" Emma reached out and hugged Regina, blinking back tears.

"M'okay...you ain't gonna believe where we were 'n what we did!" said Regina excitedly.

"Missed you, Emma!" Killian was having trouble looking at her because he blushed every time.

"Missed you too, you little rascal!" She pulled Killian into a hug as well. Then she kissed them on the forehead.

"Cootie alert!" Regina teased.

"Nah..." He smiled. He had a feeling he was going to like kissing once he actually got to do it.

Then he planted one right on Emma's lips.

Regina hooted. "Oohhhh you kissed Emma. I'm telling!"

"I'll let it go . . . just this once." Then she started laughing.

Hook glared at Regina. "Tattletale!"

"Smartass!" Regina made a face at him.

Emma groaned. "Oh, boy! Here we go again!"

"C'mon guys, quit it," scolded Belle.

"Yeah, behave . . . b'fore Bae spanks your butts." Rumple warned.

Bae sighed. "Uh . . . how did I become the bad guy here?"

"Yeah, Bae ain't like that dick, Pan," Hook asserted.

"Pan?! You . . . met Peter Pan!" Neal was horrified, recalling his own run in with the Master of Neverland.

"Uh huh...an we beat his butt. Right, mates?"

"He was gonna kill Rumple!" Belle reported.

"Holy hells!" exclaimed Neal.

"Yeah an' he was Rumple's daddy but he was bad!" Regina told them.

"WHAT?" Emma gasped. This was crazy! "Your dad was _Peter Pan_?"

"But not the real one . . . he was a fake," Rumple sighed.

"An' he treated Rumple like a slave and hurt him a lot!" Hook reminded.

"He hurt you? That bastard!" Neal spat.

"Bae! Watch you mouth!" Rumple scolded.

"Oooh, you're gonna get soap!" Regina chortled.

"Okay, I'm sorry!" Neal coughed. "I shouldn't have said that." _Damn! I really have to watch what I say!_

"Then we forgive you," Belle said sweetly.

"Yep. Cause we're the Nevengers," Regina declared.

"The who?" Emma frowned.

"We'll 'splain it later," Hook said.

"These kids! Neal, we really need to get home. Henry's probably starving, the dog needs to be walked, and these kids need baths they smell like the ocean . . ." Emma began.

"I'm hungry!" they all chorused.

"Well, we can call Henry and tell him to meet us at Granny's," Neal suggested.

"Yay!"

"But what about Ariel?" Belle recalled.

"Ariel? The Little Mermaid?" Emma repeated.

"Yeah, we promised her we'd find her true love," Rumple said.

"O-okay! I think I need to sit down and have a shot of Johnny Walker!" Bae groaned.

"Hey, Ariel! Come n' join the party!" yelled Regina.

Ariel emerged from the classroom and smiled shyly. "Hello."

"Oh . . . my . . .God!" Emma just stared. "It's like the Disney princess revival meeting!"

"What?" Ariel was confused.

"Umm . . . cultural reference . . .never mind. Pleased to meet you. I'm Emma Swan and this is my boyfriend, Baelfire. Though sometimes I call him Neal too." Emma introduced herself and shook her hand.

"Where is this Disney?" Ariel wondered.

"Florida," Neal replied. "Welcome to Storybrooke. Now, let's eat!"

As they headed out of the convent, they met Leroy, who rushed up to them and cried, "We found—oh, there they are! But how did they get here?"

"Magic," Rumple answered. "Don'tcha know anything?"

"Uh . . . right," Leroy coughed. "Great to have you back . . . now I gotta see Nova!" He rushed inside the convent while the children all went "Oooohh, Nova!" behind his back, then giggled hysterically.

**A/N: No, this is NOT the end! There's still more to come . . . with Ariel and a final reckoning with Blue! Thanks everyone, you rock!**


	17. Dinglehoppers and TLC

**17**

**Dinglehoppers and TLC**

This new land she found herself in was fascinating to the mermaid princess. First, she was given a ride in a strange looking carriage called a car and then they took her to a place called Granny's Diner where Rumple and Belle claimed they had the best burgers anywhere. She didn't know what a hamburger was but they seemed to love them. She could also feel the eyes of the people of the town on her when they walked into the diner. She was, after all, an outsider in their town.

The people who worked in the restaurant seemed to know the children and their guardians well, greeting them when they entered and pushing tables together to accomodate them.

"You can sit beside me, Ariel." Hook said, patting the chair next to him and giving her his most charming smile.

"Why thank you, Killian," Ariel smiled back and sat down next to him.

Regina leaned over and whispered in Belle's ear. "I think now he gots a crush on her 'stead of Emma."

"You think so?" whispered the other little girl.

"Uh-huh...lookit him...his face is all red," she giggled.

"You can sit here, Emma." He pointed to the chair on the other side of him.

Neal started laughing.

Hook looked at him. "What's so funny?"

Neal's eyes crinkled then he said, "Um...nothing." _Once a pirate, always a pirate,_ he thought. _A woman on each arm. _Neal took a seat beside Rumple and put his arm around his shoulders. "It's gonna be okay, buddy."

Rumple snuggled into his side. Bae's hugs made him feel warm and safe. "M'glad to be home. I was getting worried I'd never see you again." His eyes began to water.

Neal hugged him again. "You're here and we're never going to be separated again."

"What's gonna happen to the Butt Muncher?"

"Oh, we're going to make sure she doesn't hurt you or anyone else again," his guardian reassured him.

Regina scowled, her little brows drawn down. "You oughta turn her into a bug n squish her."

Hook agreed. "Yeah...blue pancake."

"Ewww, that's gross." Belle made a face. "You oughta lock her up in a bad girl's home."

"You oughta spank her butt good . . . and take away her magic so's she can't hurt anybody again with it." Rumple declared. "That'd be terrible for someone like her."

Neal whistled. Sometimes his father was so intuitive it was uncanny. "That's what we did, buddy."

Rumple's eyes went wide. "You DID?"

"We sure did. I spanked her butt good and then we broke her wand."

"And she had to have her mouth washed out," Emma added.

"Did she say the F-word?" asked Rumple knowingly.

"A lot," Neal replied.

"Oooh that's bad!" Regina hooted.

Ariel was confused. "What's the f word?"

Hook looked alarmed. "You don't wanna know or you'll taste Ivory."

Rumple added authoritatively, "It's the worst word in the WORLD and we don't know what it means but my papa said it's what you do with naked women."

Belle gaped at him. "Huh!?"

Killian didn't look surprised. "Yeah, that's what my papa said too."

"See when I was trapped in his hut he had this magazine . . . with some naked girl on it and when I asked what he did with her he said it . . ." related the small sorcerer.

"He looked at girls naked?" the former queen looked totally confused. "Why? That's 'sgusting!"

Rumple shrugged. "It was Papa. I dunno why . . . he was nuts . . ."

Ariel nodded. "He was an awful man."

Emma was blushing. She nudged Neal under the table and muttered, "Oh God...I am not ready to have THE TALK with them yet."

Bae went red to the tips of his ears. "Me neither, so . . . guys why don't we see what we want to order?"

Belle didn't even have to look at the menu. "I wanna burger n'fries and iced tea."

Regina also ordered her usual. "I wants chicken nuggets."

Rumple rubbed his tummy and murmured, "I want macaroni and cheese _and_ a burger . . .Papa didn't feed me over there."

"The meanie! How'd you eat?" a concerned Belle asked.

Rumple looked at his shoes. "Well . . . he . . . usta throw scraps on the floor . . . and . . .I'd go grab 'em and eat them . . .like a dog. And he conjured some stale bread too and some water and once some cold corn mush-yuck!" The child looked upset. "The only time I had real food was when I summoned a little bowl of mac n' cheese and a tiny burger to eat, but I had to eat it under the bed on the floor with the dust bunnies so's he didn't find out. Otherwise he'd a spanked me."

"He was a wicked nasty bugger! We shoulda made him eat poop 'fore we broke the glass 'n made 'im rot!" declared Regina angrily.

"Thanks, Regina. I really wanted to hear that 'fore I ate," grimaced Hook.

Ariel peered at the colorful menu. "So . . . what should I have?"

Hook pushed the menu over so they could look at it together. "Ummm...you could try some hot dogs n mac and cheese. That's what I usually get."

"What's that?" asked the mermaid.

"It's really good." The former pirate told her.

"No . . . fish right . . .?"

"Umm...no. Hot dogs're meat an' mac n'cheese is . . . err . . . pasta with cheese sauce."

Ariel looked pleased. "Good! Then I'll have some of it!"

Hook looked like he had won the lottery. "Yippeee!"

Regina hissed to Belle, "He wants her to eat that 'cause he likes it..told y...he's gotta crush."

"But . . . she's gonna marry Eric! He needs ta find a girl who's not gonna marry somebody else!" sighed the little librarian.

Regina nodded. "Uh huh." She nudged Belle again. "Whadda ya say we make one of the Nevengers missions to find Killian a girlfriend?"

"But the only other girl I know is . . . yuck . . . the Butt Muncher!" Belle looked ill.

"NO WAY!" said her friend loudly.

"Yeah." Belle giggled.

Killian eyed them. "What're you two whispering about?"

"Girl stuff," Regina said blithely. "You know . . . like makeup an' how to fix hair and play with dolls." She winked at Belle.

Belle grinned. "Emma, what's gonna happen to Blue? Is she gonna like go to a orphanage?"

"We'd like to see her start over...and be raised to be a better person," Emma told her.

"By who?" asked Storybrooke's mayor.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Boy! Whoever gets her better buy a house full of Ivory!"

"Yeah, mate. And a paddle!"

"And rulers, in case she breaks the paddle," Belle added.

Neal chuckled. "I think that decision's up to the nuns though . . .and maybe they'd do better to take away her memories too . .. otherwise she'll be trouble!"

Regina nodded. "Yeah n we'll have to kick her butt."

Rumple groaned. "Again!"

"Cause we're the Nevengers!" Hook crowed.

Emma sat back in her chair. "So . . . explain what that is to me."

Regina began. "We're like a club..."

"Kinda like superheroes," Rumple added. "I made it up, it's the Neverland Avengers . . . 'cause Ariel said we're like heroes for getting Neverland back from my papa. But we just say Nevengers. It's easier."

"Because we work together to beat any bad people," Belle said. "And we've got a cool motto too. _Together we stand, divided we fall, true love's magic conquers all, all for one and one for all."_

" And we kick major butt! Like that dick Pan's," Killian said gleefully.

Neal sighed. "Okay, now we're not using that word either anymore."

"He is one!" argued the pirate.

"Yeah but you'll get the Ivory," warned the bookworm.

"That's not a nice word, and I don't want you using it again, clear?" Neal crossed his arms over his chest and spoke firmly.

" Aww crap I hate Ivory...okay," groused Killian, looking put out.

"He was a jackass and I'm glad he's dead," Rumple put in.

Regina shook a finger at him. "That's a bad word too."

Belle was confused. "Why? Don't it mean a donkey?"

" Yeah but it's got ass in it," lectured the sorceress. "An' that's a bad word." She covered her mouth.

"Is that a bad word, Bae?" Rumple whimpered, looking at his son uneasily.

" No Ivory," Regina begged.

"Let's just say we don't want you saying that either. And you all get a pass today because you've just come home." Neal replied.

"Okay," Belle breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll be good." Rumple said quickly. "I don't wanna eat soap. Or get spanked with a belt."

Emma was shocked. "We would never do that!"

"Why would you ever say-oh God!" Neal gasped, horrified. "That son of a-he didn't . . ."

Belle gave him a sad look. "Yes. He beat Rumple."

"But Rumple was smart 'n made Pan think he really hurt him," Killian reminded.

"How . .. how did you do that?" He was still reeling from the fact that his poor father had actually been whipped like that.

"I found a spell in a book he had that protected me...and Belle, Regina n' Killian helped make me strong." Related the tiny magician.

Emma was amazed. They'd come a long way in the time they were gone.

"So . . . he didn't hurt you, buddy?" Neal was very upset but trying not show it. When they got home, he was going to have a long talk with Rumple . . . and also with Emma.

"He did a lot 'fore he went to Neverland," admitted Rumple. "And he was always saying mean stuff."

"I . . . never knew that . . . I just thought . . . he went away and left you," Neal cried, the picture the child was describing was a shocking revelation. He had always known that his grandfather was a deserter and coward, who had left Rumple as a kid, but he'd never known Rumple had been abused that way before the man had left. It left a bitter sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"He never wanted me . . . he said so over n'over," Rumple whispered sadly, his brown eyes glistening with unshed tears. That, more than anything Pan had done, hurt him the worst.

Belle reached across the table and took his hand in hers. "Well we do...right?'

"He was an idiot . . ." growled Rumple's son, though a stronger word came to mind. "And I want you . . . I'll ALWAYS want you!" Now Neal felt terribly guilty for saying so many things to his father when he had first seen him in Manhattan. He never would have said them had he known everything about Rumple's past.

Hook and Regina chorused, "Friends forever," and they all placed their small hand on top of Rumple's.

Ariel smiled and picked up a fork. "Oh! You have dinglehoppers here!" She started combing her hair.

Rumple stared at her. "Umm . . . Ariel . . .?

Ariel looked at him. "What, honey?"

The former attorney cleared his throat. "Err . . the dinglehopper . . . it's called a fork here . . . and . . . umm . . . you eat with it."

"You do? But...Scuttle said," Ariel began.

Hook shook his head "What's a bird know?"

Rumple giggled. "He's silly!" He made a small gesture and a comb appeared. "See? This is a comb . . .you comb your hair with it. Like this." He demonstrated. "Ouch! M'hair's all tangled!" He set the comb on the table beside Ariel.

"You all need baths when we get home. Speaking of home . . .did you get a hold of Henry, Neal?" asked the sheriff.

Regina had a longing look on her face. "I wanna see Henry."

"I called his cell, he was coming over as soon as he walked Gwen," Neal informed her.

"I missed Gwen too!" cried Rumple.

"Me too!" squealed Belle.

" Who's Gwen?" the red-haired mermaid asked.

"Our dog," replied Belle.

"We found her in the woods when I was trying to be brave and we 'dopted her," answered Rumple.

"You are a brave child, Rumple," reassured Ariel kindly.

Rumple looked embarrassed. "Only sometimes . . ." He hadn't been all that brave when his papa had been around, though he'd tried. He'd been scared out of his mind.

"You all are," Ariel told them.

Hook blushed. "Aww thanks!"

Henry came into the diner. "Hey guys! I'm starving!"

Regina jumped off her seat and ran over to him, nearly tackling him. "HENRY!" she shrieked. "I really really missed you!"

"Whoa! What the heck?" He caught Regina and hugged her.

Regina beamed up at him. "Didya miss me?"

"Yeah, I did . . ." He looked puzzled. "For the few hours you were gone."

"We was in Neverland. Didn't ya know?" the little imp said.

"You were . . . what? Is this like a pretend thing?" Henry wanted to know.

Regina shook her head. "No. The Blue Butt Muncher sent us to the Forest n we got kidnapped n taken to Neverland by Rumple's mean papa."

Henry stared at her. "Oh my God!"

"But we kicked the fake Peter Pan's butt and brought back the REAL ONE only his name's Gabriel," she informed him breathlessly. "Cause we're the Nevengers. We're gonna get us a clubhouse with a secret password n everything!"

"Umm . . . I think I need to sit down . . ." he felt like someone had hit him over the head with a hammer.

" Y'okay?"

"Sorta. " Then he went and grabbed the fairy tale book out of his backpack. He flipped through it. There was the story on some new pages. "Whoa! It's all here!"

Belle gave him an odd look. "Huh?"

"Your story . . . when you went to Neverland. Look!" He pushed the book over to her so she could read it.

Regina peered at it over Henry's shoulder, standing up on her chair. "Oooohhh cool. Lookit Rumple..there's us breaking the hourglass!"

" Lemme see!" Hook got up and came around the table.

"Yeah and there's where I beat up my papa," Rumple's little finger pointed to the picture of Pan being walloped by his paddle while crouched on the floor of Skull Rock.

Belle turned a page before it and pointed to a new picture. "And us staking Felix to the ground! Like Indian braves!"

Hook clapped." Ha ha...lookit 'em running when we gave 'em the poops!"

Rumple nodded. "And see here's Gabriel-the REAL Peter Pan. Papa trapped him as the Shadow but we set him free . . . and he's the real Guardian of Neverland."

Belle smiled. "He's really nice. He's gonna take care of all the Lost Boys like he was their papa."

Ariel was looking over Henry's other shoulder, and she gasped. "Is that...me?"

She pointed to a page showing them all in the water.

Belle grinned. "Uh-huh."

Ariel chuckled. "Wow! I'm in a book!"

Regina giggled. "You gots to show Eric when we find him."

"I will . . . if he's here," Ariel said.

Rumple looked over at Neal." Bae, how do you find people?"

"I think I can help with that," said Emma.

"We need to find Eric, Ariel's boyfriend." Rumple said seriously. "We promised. An' I don't break deals, dearie."

Emma started laughing. "Cute, kid! Henry, look and see if their story is in here. It may help us figure out where he is."

"Okay, Ma." He flipped through the book again . . . "Here! Look!"

Regina squealed. "He's cute!"

Hook rolled his eyes.

Regina stuck out her tongue at him.

"I think so!" snickered Ariel.

"What about me? Am I cute?" Hook asked.

" Whoooo boy here he goes again," groaned Regina.

"You're an adorable little boy!" the little mermaid laughed.

He blushed.

Emma muttered to Bae, "We need to find him a girl."

Neal started laughing. "_A_ girl? Babe, he probably wants a harem!"

"Whatsa harem?" queried Killian.

"Never mind!" Neal said swiftly.

" ts where a guy has lotsa girlfriends and they all live in the same house," blurted Regina.

"How do you know?" demanded Rumple.

Regina sighed. "I heard Mama saying it once."

"Oh boy! Between your mom and Rumple's dad . . . it's a miracle you two aren't scarred for life!" Emma remarked.

"She usta make fun of Daddy and tole him if he wanted another woman he should go find himself a harem," Regina recited.

Emma winced. "I feel bad for your dad!"

Regina looked upset. "I miss my Daddy."

Emma quickly changed the subject. "Look! Our food is here!"

"Goodie...I'm hungry," Hook licked his lips.

"Me too! I could eat a cow!" Rumple declared, his face lighting up at the sight of real food, not the pig slop he'd been eating.

"Ewww!" Regina looked grossed out.

Belle couldn't see why. "That's what burgers are made from."

"Really?" asked the former mayor.

"Uh huh. I saw it on a TV show. Where Does Your Food Come From?"

"I don't like burgers. I'm gonna eat my chicken nuggets." She dipped one in barbecue sauce and popped it in her mouth. "MMM! Yummy!"

Hook poked Ariel."That's mac n' cheese...you'll like it." He indicated the cheesy pasta.

Ariel went to pick it up with her hands. "Mmm!"

Hook gently stopped her. "Ummm...you gots to eat it with this." He handed her a spoon. "Watch." He demonstrated how to eat with the spoon. "Now you try."

Now I've seen it all, Emma thought, smirking. A pirate teaching table manners to a mermaid!

Ariel smiled. Then she picked some up and eats it with her spoon. "Mmm! I like this!" It was something she had never tasted before, but it was wonderful.

"Toldya...now this is how you eat a hot dog," Killian instructed. "You havta use your hands for it . . ." He showed her how to pick up the hot dog and bite it.

"Hook n' Ariel sittin' in a tree..." Regina sang to Belle.

"Shhhhh!" her friend ordered.

Rumple started laughing . . .unable to help himself.

Hook frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Regina was singing," said Rumple honestly.

"She sings bad," Hook said bluntly.

"Do not!"

"Do too!" he gave her an impudent glare.

"You suck!"

"I know you do, but what am I?" Hook drawled.

Belle nudged Rumple. "Rumple, you think maybe they should be boyfriend n' girlfriend?"

Regina and Hook together cried, "NO!"

Rumple smirked. "You never know . . .ya might like each other when you grow up."

Regina shook her head. "Nuh uh. I wanna guy like Robin, if I hafta get married."

Rumple gaped at her. "But he's OLD!"

Hook warbled. "Robin n' Regina sittin' in a tree..."

Regina huffed. "Yeah well there hasta be a guy like him somewhere!"

Rumple considered. "Maybe you can marry Roland."

"I dunno...maybe. But I'd havta live in the Enchanted Forest n' I like it here," she sighed. "Maybe Robin n' Roland can come here."

"They'd need a portal . . .or something like it," Rumple told them.

Ariel smiled dreamily. "You never know, Regina. True love always finds a way."

Neal nodded. "That's right. Emma and I did."

Regina smiled: "Yeah...I wanna marry someone like Robin 'n have a coupla kids."

Belle's jaw hung open. "But . . . you always said you was gonna be a queen and never get married!"

"I changed my mind. What's the point of bein' a queen if m'not happy?"

"What's the point of marryin' if you're not happy? That's why I'm gonna marry Rumple and we're gonna have . . . umm . . .lots of kids too!" Belle beamed at Regina.

"An' I don't wanna be thought of as a mean person like Pan or...Blackbeard," Killian shuddered.

Regina cocked her head. "Who's Blackbeard?"

"He was a nasty ole pirate back home."

"And I ain't never being like my papa . . ." vowed Rumple.

Henry whispered to Emma. "Wow...they've all changed!"

Emma smiled. "Something very important happened to them over there . . ."

Her son nodded. "From what I'm reading, Mom...it was pretty intense."

"I just bet it was. Those poor kids . . . from what I've heard . . . Pan was a tyrant . . ." Emma said sadly.

"This brought them closer."

"Adversity usually does that . . . or it splits them apart," she agreed.

"Not this time...look."He pointed at a picture in the book showing the white magic they produced to free Rumple from Pan.

"Wow! That's amazing! I didn't know that was possible!" Emma's blue eyes widened in shock.

"Anyone can create white magic, Mom if they love and believe enough," her son said.

"You'd know, huh, kid?" laughed his mother.

"Yeah, I do," Henry grinned.

Emma smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

Finally they were all done with dinner.

"That was delicious," Ariel said.

Hook beamed. " Toldya."

"Yeah my tummy's not growly any more," Rumple said happily.

"Good!" Belle said.

"Least we ain't eatin' that nasty soup Rufio made. Tasted like crap," Regina made a face.

"Least YOU got soup . . . I got bones n' Papa made me kiss his boot," drawled Rumple.

"What!" squawked Belle, horrified.

"Gross! I'da bitten his foot," Regina growled.

"Not with the boot on. It woulda broken his teeth," said Hook.

Rumple sniffled, ashamed. "I had to . . .otherwise he'd have whipped me again . . . and I was too tired to cast the spell that woulda kept him from hurting me. But I wanted to kick him in the nuts!"

"What a d...jerk," Hook corrected himself.

"He's lucky he's dead." Neal said heatedly. "Otherwise I'd have had to go and kick his ass."

"Oooh you said a bad word!" tattled Regina.

"You gonna get your mouth washed with Ivory," Killian shook his head.

"Yeah, Neal!" Emma snickered. She elbowed him.

"Give 'im the Ivory, Emma," urged the little imp.

"Hold it! I've heard her say a lot worse!" objected Neal.

Hook gave him a look of disbelief. "Emma don't swear!"

Neal almost choked. "Uh . . . I beg to differ . . ."

"Nuh uh," the small pirate insisted.

Belle, Regina, and Rumple started laughing.

Emma grinned ruefully. "He's right . . . sometimes I do . . .but we're both trying not to as much . . ."

"Awww you mean we gots to give you the Ivory too?" Killian looked disappointed.

Ariel frowned. "I don't know what Ivory is but I gather it's not pleasant."

"No . . . see when I swear, or Neal swears, we put a dollar in a jar-it's the potty mouth kitty . . . and when we get enough money saved up, we're going to Disney World." She looked at her boyfriend. "And you owe it a dollar, Cassidy."

Regina smirked. "You gots a lot in there?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Neal snorted, and handed Emma a dollar.

Rumple turned to Ariel. "Ivory's what you clean things with . . . but when you say bad words, your mama or papa or a grown up cleans your mouth with it."

A light dawned in Ariel's green eyes. "Oh...so that's what my papa does...only what he uses isn't called Ivory. It's soap root."

"Guess everybody's papa does it . . . mine did . . .to the stableboy," reported Belle.

Ariel grimaced. "My papa made me taste it a few times when I called Sebastian a few things I heard some sailors saying once."

Rumple made a gross face. "Yuck!"

"I couldn't taste anything for a day. Except soap," the mermaid admitted.

"EEWWW!" Belle cried.

"Mine did that too . . ." Neal commiserated with her.

Ariel yawned. "I've forgotten how tiring it is crossing realms. Is there somewhere I can stay?"

Emma nodded. "This is also a bed and breakfast . . . and Granny always rents rooms, so you can stay here. In the morning I'll come by and tell you what I've found on my data base."

"Can she stay with us?" Hook pleaded.

"We don't have enough room, kid." Neal said regretfully.

"Awww!" Hook kicked his chair. "You gonna be scared being all alone, Ariel?"

"No . . . I'll be asleep!" She tweaked his nose.

He blushed again. "Kay...Night, Ariel." He hugged her.

"Little flirt!" Emma whispered to Neal.

Regina waved. "Bye, Ariel!"

"Bye bye!" Belle kissed her cheek.

Rumple smiled shyly. "Bye, Ariel! Sleep tight an' don't let the trolls bite!"

She laughed. "They won't." She hugged Rumple. The little boy was so adorable she couldn't resist. And after what he'd been through he needed lots of hugs.

"Neal, I'll get Ariel settled in here and start looking...can you take the kids home?"

"Yeah . . .c'mon, kids, let's get in the car," Neal called.

They all made a beeline for his car. "Yay! We're going home!" cheered Belle and Rumple.

Once they were all home and Gwen had ecstatically greeted the children again, Neal got them ready for bed. He let Regina and Belle go first for baths, and the girls were so tired they didn't even play in the tub, but just got scrubbed and their hair washed and then into pajamas. They were passed out on the mattress before Henry had finished the first page of The Red Shoes.

Unlike the previous time, Killian seemed eager to take a bath using Neal's Axe bodywash, and happily stripped and jumped in the tub. He was playing with the pirate ship and blowing bubbles while Neal helped Rumple get undressed in the bedroom before going into the bathroom.

The small sorcerer was growing sleepy, and so didn't mind his son's assistance.

As Neal gently removed Rumple's clothes, he sucked in a breath in horror. The child's lower back, bottom, and thighs were blotchy with bruises. "Oh, son of a _bitch!_" Neal swore under his breath. "Rumple . . . did he do that to you? You told me . . . he didn't hurt you . . ."

Rumple looked at him. "He didn't . .. not exactly. The spell protected me from the belt . . .see I'm not all bloody . . .I just got some bruises . . . they don't hurt, Bae."

Neal shut his eyes. "Oh, God! Oh, Lord!" His hands clenched. He couldn't comprehend how anyone could be that cruel to this tiny defenseless child . . . who had done nothing to deserve such treatment . . . who only wanted to be loved. Even when he had punished Blue, he'd been careful, angry as he was, to not leave marks on her. He'd spanked her enough to be sore for ten minutes, but nothing like this! He began to swear a blue streak in his head, while tears trickled down his cheeks.

"Bae!" Rumple gently patted his cheek. "Bae, I'm okay now. Don't cry . . . please!"

Neal opened his eyes and dashed away the tears. "I'm so sorry . . . so sorry, buddy . . .I should have made sure you were safe. Then that little blue bitch wouldn't have been able to 'port you away!"

Rumple crawled on Neal's lap. "It's not your fault, Bae. My papa . . . he's always been mean like that . . . always . . .he never changed . . .and this time wasn't like the other ones . . .I had my magic . . . b'fore I didn't and he hurt me a lot. This time, though, I hurt _him_." He hugged Bae hard. "An' he's gone now, so's I don't have to be afraid . . ."

Neal squeezed the little boy to him. "No, you don't. Not ever again. And I'll kill anybody that hurts you like that." He breathed in the scent of the child, and tried to control his rampaging temper and recall that the one who had done this was dead. He rested his head on Rumple's for a moment. Then he heaved a sigh. "Okay . . . let's take a bath, buddy."

"Okay! I really want one!" Rumple cried. He let Neal carry him into the bathroom, then said, "By the way . . . you owe the kitty two dollars!"

Neal started laughing. "Okay, little imp!" He set Rumple into the tub beside Hook. "Into the tub with you!"

After washing both boys' hair, and using a special detangling shampoo on Rumple, Bae let them play for awhile. But Rumple was yawning, and so soon after he had them get out and get into pajamas. Killian rushed into the den to see if Henry would tell him a story.

"Bae, I got my PJ's," Rumple called.

"Hang on, buddy," Neal said, emerging from the bathroom with a tube of some balm. "Let me put something on those bruises."

"Why? They don't hurt."

"I know, but . . . this'll help them heal. It's arnica salve. My papa used to put it on me when I got hurt." Neal gently put Rumple on the bed and smoothed the salve on before helping Rumple into underwear and his pajamas. "There! All done."

Rumple yawned. "M'sleepy," he whimpered.

"You want to go to sleep by Belle and the others?" suggested Neal gently.

Rumple considered. Then he shook his head no. "I wanna stay here with you."

"Okay." Neal climbed up on the bed and snuggled with the toddler, letting Rumple curl up on his chest and lay his head on his shoulder. He drew the blanket up around them and within moments, both were fast asleep.

Emma returned from Granny's to find everyone asleep. Henry was stretched out on the mattress near Regina and she tucked a blanket around them before hanging up her red jacket and walking into the bedroom, where she found Neal and Rumple together sound asleep, with Gwen stretched out on the floor beside the bed.

"Well, it's time to get some shut eye," she said to the dog, who wagged her tail before laying back down.

She readied herself for bed, and slipped into bed beside the two Golds, curling around Neal and resting her head on his shoulder. Within moments, she too was asleep.

They all slept deeply until early morning, when Rumple woke crying from a nightmare about his father skinning him, and it took several minutes of hugging and rocking by Bae to make him fall asleep again. But it was several moments before Neal could go back to sleep and when he did, he tossed and turned, his dreams voiceless phantoms of Rumple vanishing before his eyes and Pan's maniacal laughter.

He woke around six o'clock in the morning gasping, and he muttered, "Go back to hell, you bastard, and stay there!"

Then at last he too fell into a dreamless sleep, and didn't wake until Rumple shook his shoulder around nine in the morning.

"Huh? Whatsup?" he muttered, looking around.

"The sky!" Rumple giggled, he was sitting on Bae's chest, grinning.

"Hey, buddy! Is it morning?"

"Yup! Rise n'shine, Bae!" laughed the little imp. "I want pancakes!"

Neal chuckled. "Okay, just let me wake up. Otherwise I'll burn them . . . or the apartment." He kissed the tip of Rumple's nose and ticked him gently before he got up. In the den, he could hear cartoon on and the other three kids giggling. The sound was music to his ears.

Then he grunted as Rumple jumped on his back and Bae carried him into the kitchen, ready to make breakfast after he had his first cup of coffee.


	18. Kiss the Girl

**18**

**Kiss the Girl**

After breakfast was eaten and cleaned up, and everyone dressed for the day, Neal and Emma decided to begin searching for Eric using Emma's database down at the police station. They took the kids and Gwen there and met Ariel as well, after she had received directions on how to get there from the diner from Ruby.

The kids were in the back playing with Gwen when Rumple got a brilliant idea. While they were eating their breakfast that morning, which was oatmeal with maple and brown sugar and bananas, or in Hook and Regina's case, Froot Loops, they had been watching a show called K-9 Cops, where they showed how the police used dogs to track criminals down and catch them.

"Gwen," he called to the big dog, who was playing tug-o-war with an old sock of Bae's with Hook. "Can you track things? Like a hunting dog?"

The big wolf-like dog dropped her end of the sock and trotted over to the little boy in his jeans and gray T-shirt. _I can. I hunted my own dinner in the forest. Why?_

"'Cause maybe you can help us find Eric, Ariel's boyfriend," he told the dog.

"Yeah, like those dogs we seen on TV!" Regina agreed.

"They was German shepherds," Belle put in.

"Yeah, but Gwen's better than any old shepherd, right?" Rumple stroked the wolf-like dog between the ears. Gwen sighed happily and whimpered, _More, Rumple! Ahh, yess, right . . . there! Ooohh . . . that feels sooo good!_

Rumple's little hand scratched the dog behind her pricked ears in the good spot and said, "Then can you help us, Gwen? Please?"

Gwen wagged her thick tail and whuffed. _I will . . . but first I need something to smell . . . then I can follow whoever it is you want found._

"She says she'll help us!" Rumple told everyone, his brown eyes shining happily.

"Whoo-hoo!" yelled Regina.

"Let's go tell Ariel!" Belle said.

"But she needs something to smell," aid Rumple.

"Ariel?" Hook frowned.

"No—Gwen! Duh!" Rumple rolled his eyes.

"Well, how was I supposed to know?" asked Killian irritably. "I don't speak dog, Rumplestiltskin!"

Rumple huffed. "But you shoulda known I wasn't talkin' 'bout Ariel . . .why would she be smelling something? Unless it was flowers. Or dinner."

"Fine! What's Gwen need?"

"Something of Eric's, I think," said Belle. "It's what the dogs on TV needed."

"Right," Rumple agreed, then he limped inside the station, the gold handle on his cane flashing in the summer sun. "Emma! Ariel! I got to tell you something!"

"What's wrong, buddy?" asked Neal.

"Nothin', Bae! But I know how we can find Eric," Rumple said proudly.

"How, imp?" his son asked.

"We can have Gwen track him! Like those shepherds on TV. We just need something of Eric's." Rumple was so excited he nearly tripped over his cane.

"Hey, take it easy," warned Neal. "You almost fell."

"M'fine!" Rumple said impatiently. "Ariel, didja hear what I said?"

Ariel looked up from where she was trying to decipher the black box Emma called a computer. "What, Rumple?"

Rumple ran, as much as he could, up to her and tugged her skirt. "I said-I said . . . Gwen can help us find Eric!"

"Your dog? How?"

"She can hunt him . . . like a police dog . . .if you have something of his she can smell," explained the child. "Do you?"

Ariel thought for a moment. Slowly she nodded. "I do. I have this," she pulled a length of red cloth from her small mesh bag. "It's his sash."

Rumple smirked. "Yay! Can we use it? Can we?" He was practically gyrating in place.

"Okay!" Ariel giggled at his enthusiasm. "What do you think, Emma?"

Emma smiled at Rumple. She loved all the children, but Rumple, like Baelfire and Henry, claimed a special place in her heart. "I think you'd make a good detective, kid. And let's hope Gwen's nose is as good as a police dog's."

"Better!" Rumple asserted, wearing a grin that stretched from ear to ear. It made him proud when Emma said that, like he was worth something. "Cause she's a super smart guard dog!" He grabbed Ariel's hand and tugged her out the door.

After letting Gwen sniff the sash, they all followed the big dog as she smelled the ground.

Getting the scent, she barked and trotted off down the street.

They all followed, though the adults walked quicker than the children down Storybrooke's sidewalks.

Rumple limped along gamely beside Belle, with Regina and Hook skipping in front of them, and Regina was singing, "Step on a crack and you'll break your mama's back!"

Several people saw the line of little ones and waved at them as they went by.

"What's this, a parade?" chuckled Archie as he went back to his office from the diner.

"We're goin' on a quest!" yelled Hook.

"Like police detectives!" Rumple added.

"Tryin' to find Ariel's boyfriend!" Regina informed him.

"Good luck!" the psychiatrist waved at them.

Gwen led them down another street, past the florist, Game of Thorns.

As the children and their guardians went by, Moe French was outside watering some of his potted plants. The stout florist looked up to see what was going on, muttering, "What is this—you running a preschool now, Swan?"

Belle paused to tie her shoe, and Rumple stopped to wait for her.

It was then Moe saw her. "B-Belle?" he stammered. Surely this couldn't be?

Belle looked up at the sound of her name. "Who's that?" she asked Rumple, alarmed.

Rumple drew close to her. "I dunno. A stranger."

Belle stood up, wary. "Stranger Danger!" she recited from having watched Sesame Street with Henry.

Moe started towards them. Unbelievable as it was, this was his daughter! He'd recognize that little face anywhere and those inquiring blue eyes. "I'm not a stranger. Belle, it's me! Don't you remember me?"

"Go 'way!" Belle cried, frightened.

"C'mere, poppet! I'm your daddy!" Moe cried, and he went to snatch her up.

Belle screamed. "No! Stranger!"

"Hey! You leave her alone!" Rumple shouted. "She ain't goin' nowhere with you!"

"You be quiet, you little brat!" Moe bellowed. "Belle, you're coming with me, right now!" He snatched Belle up in his arms.

Belle howled, terrified. "Rumple! Help! He's takin' me away!"

"NO!" screamed the little sorcerer. "Let her go, you-you dirtbag! Kidnapper!" he growled, and then he went and hit Moe hard with his cane.

"Ooow!" cried the florist, trying to hold onto his wildcat daughter and defend himself from the little boy at the same time. Then he recalled what Belle had called the little cripple. "You're . . . Rumplestiltskin! Get off me, you _beast!" _He shoved Rumple, making the child stagger backwards, then he turned to go into his shop, Belle clutched in his arms.

Rumple saw red. "You stupid butthole!" he screamed. "LeaveBelle alone!" He waved a hand and the shop door slammed and locked, preventing Moe from going inside.

"Help!" Belle was crying.

"Stop it! You're my daughter and you're coming with me," Moe insisted, then he yelped as Rumple's cane whacked him on butt.

Drawn by the commotion, Hook and Regina came back to see what was the matter.

"You . . . give her back . . .!" a frantic Rumple was yelling. He stuck his cane between Moe's ankles, making the florist trip and fall.

Belle scrambled free of the stranger's hold and ran over to Rumple.

"You evil wicked little beast!" snarled Moe, shielding himself with a hand as Rumple raised his cane again.

"He's not evil, you crazy old coot!" Belle cried.

Rumple lowered his cane, realizing he was acting like his father, and then he gestured and ropes appeared and wrapped around Moe's ankles and wrists, holding him fast.

"Yeah! We're under arresting you!" Regina shouted.

"You filthy animal!" shouted Hook and he ran up and kicked Moe in the nuts.

"Oooo!" groaned the florist and he doubled over.

"Go, Killian! Get 'im where it hurts!" hooted Rumple.

"Pervert!" Belle cried, knowing that was a bad word for some kind of bad person.

Before Moe could say anything else, Gwen came back, hearing Rumple's distress through the bond they shared. Upon seeing the man menacing her children, Gwen leaped upon the florist, growling, and nipped him in the buttocks—_hard._

_"Ahhhh!"_ screamed Moe. "My butt!"

"You goin' to jaii-ll, buster!" Regina drawled, tapping her sneaker against the pavement.

"Yeah, an' you're not my papa either!" Belle cried. "My papa's a king and you're a creep!"

"Belle, I am your father!"

Hook sneered. "Whaddaya think ya are, Darth Vader?"

As Moe sputtered, Regina snapped, "We oughta turn him into a slug, Rumple."

Rumple glared at the florist. "Ya know what they do to creeps like you in jail?"

"You're gonna get beat, mate!" Hook told him.

"Yeah, and they gets a visit from somebody named Bubba," Regina said.

Hook nodded. "My papa says he'll make you his bitch."

"My God! The mouth on these kids!" Moe grumbled.

"What's that?" asked Belle to Rumple.

Rumple shrugged. "If Hook's papa said it, it must be somethin' bad."

"What's going on here?" Emma asked, coming back to see why the kids were screaming.

"Emma, we under arrested this guy!" Regina told her, pointing.

"He was coming to take me away!" Belle sobbed.

"And I kicked him in the nuts!" Hook bragged.

"You're mean to try and take Belle away!" Rumple lectured. "Emma, I tied him up for you."

Moe stared up at Emma. "For Godsake, get these little brats away from me! Untie me and give me my daughter!"

"No!" Belle screamed. "You ain't taking me away!"

"Buzz off, buzzard!" Regina stuck her tongue out at Moe. "Or else me n'Rumple will make a slug sandwich outta you!"

"And I'll kick your nuts so hard you'll spit 'em out!" Killian threatened.

"Mr. French, Belle is under my care right now and you've just tried to abduct her. I'd be willing to bet that even if she wasn't…the way she is now, she'd still prefer to be with Rumple than you. I'm placing you under arrest." Emma said, and pulled out her cuffs.

"Yeah! Take 'em to jail Emma and lock him in with Bubba so's he can make him his bitch!" Hook crowed.

"Okay, Killian that's enough of that potty mouth or do we have to get the Ivory?" Emma warned.

"NO IVORY!" the little pirate cried. "I'll be good." He gave her a flirtatious smile.

Emma shook her head and chuckled. _We do need to find him a girlfriend. It's bad enough that I saw him naked as a kid. He'll be remembering that once he gets older again and God, I am never going to be able to look him in the eye again! _

Belle was crying into Rumple's shoulder. "S'okay," he said softly while he stroked her hair. "Emma's gonna take that bad man to jail and he won't be able to get you again."

"Why do people try to hurt us, Rumple? We're just kids!"

"I dunno probably cause we are kids an they think we can't do anything 'bout it. But we do."

She looked up at him and smiled. "'Cause we're brave and you're my hero…" She kissed his cheek.

He blushed and shuffled his feet nervously because he knew the others were watching.

Regina found herself wondering if she would like kisses the way Rumple, Belle, and Hook seemed to or if she'd hate them like she did now. She just didn't know who she'd want to kiss.

"You can't do this!" Moe blustered. "I have rights!"

"Yes, you have the right to remain silent," Emma began.

"Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law," recited Rumple.

"Shut up, you little—"

"Hey!" Emma snapped. "Knock it off! You wouldn't be in this mess if you'd left those kids alone."

"She's MY kid!" Moe blustered.

"That may be, but she's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you . . . and you don't have the right to just take her like she was trash. She was an adult before this accident happened and she didn't want to see you then and now she's under my protection and she doesn't even remember you," Emma argued. "Now let's go!" She knew she could only hold him so long though. "If you love your daughter, you'll respect her wishes . . ." As she was leading him away, Neal came up.

Gwen wagged her tail and Rumple hugged her. "You were great, Gwen!"

_I couldn't let him hurt you or steal Belle away. I would have torn him to pieces if he'd tried, because no one hurts my pups! He's not a nice man. We are pack!_

"Yay! Gweniviere!" Belle said, and hugged the dog too. Gwen licked her face.

"Did something happen? Emma, where are you taking him?" asked Neal.

"Off to lock up. Stay with the kids, okay?" she herded Moe before her. "If you need a lawyer, one will be provided for you . . ."

Neal looked at the kids. "Okay, somebody tell me what happened here."

"Some bad man tried to take Belle away but we wouldn't let him," Rumple informed him.

"Yeah, some fat fart tried to grab Belle an' said he was takin' her home but I kicked him in the nuts, Bae!" stated Hook proudly.

"Lord! Belle, are you okay, sweetie?"

Belle nodded. "M'okay. I was scared though but Rumple was real brave and he, Hook, Regina 'n Gwen got rid of that bad man."

"Bae, Emma under arrested him an' now he's gonna go to the slammer!" Regina clapped.

Rumple scowled. "With the rest of the dirtbags!"

"An Bubba's gonna make him his...ummm . . . the b word," Hook said.

"Buddy, don't say it!" Then he turned away to hide the fact that he's laughing. _Dear God, the things these kids learn these days!_

"Let's go find Eric! Gwen was trackin' 'im down!" Regina reminded them.

Ariel walked over. "Did you find the trail yet?"

Gwen suddenly sniffed the air then trotted off down a side street.

"Look! She's goin' there!" Rumple pointed.

"Hurry!" Belle cried.

"She's goin' to the docks," Hook mused.

"Aww!" groaned Regina. "If he gets on a boat we'll miss him!"

"Help!" yelped Rumple, trying to keep up with the others. "I can't keep up!"

"Ouch!" Ariel cried. She halted, holding her ankle.

Neal had picked up Rumple and turned around. "You okay?"

"It's these . . . shoes . . .I'll never get used to the clothes you all wear here."

"You could always go barefoot," sighed Neal.

Ariel rubbed her ankle while Neal had her lean on him until Emma came back and said, "What's wrong?"

"I think she twisted her ankle." Neal replied.

Emma knelt and waved a hand, concentrating briefly and healed Ariel's ankle with her magic.

Ariel looked at her in astonishment. "Thanks! I didn't know you could heal with magic."

Emma smiled. "I had a good teacher."

"Who?" asked the mermaid.

Emma looked over at the toddler in Neal's arms. She'd watched him perform magic so effortlessly that it was starting to rub off on her.

"Me . . . I taught Emma that," Rumple answered. "Healing's easy once you know how . . . you just gotta believe and want someone to get better an' the magic does the rest."

"B'cause love is power," Belle asserted.

"Yeah . . . it's a kind of magic," Rumple agreed.

Ariel smiled. They were all special little kids.

"Ariel, there's a guy coming off the boat." Hook cried. "Ya think that's him?"

Ariel peered at the tall dark-haired man in the ivory fisherman's knit sweater. "Oh . . . yes! It is!"

Gwen barked and wagged her tail at Eric.

Eric knelt and petted the dog. "Hey, girl! Where'd you come from?"

"Rumple, she's gonna find her true love!" Belle giggled. She jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

Ariel hesitated wondering if Eric would remember her . . . or even want her now that he lived here, on land, with his own kind.

Regina touched the mermaid. "Well, go on, go say hello!"

Rumple seemed to understand. "Don't be scared . . .he'll remember you. The heart always knows."

"We...didn't part on good terms." The mermaid princess murmured.

Emma gave her a sympathetic look. "Neither did Bae and I and yet we're together now."

Ariel bit her lip. "He probably thinks I don't love him."

"Then there's only one thing you can do . . . prove him wrong," said Neal calmly.

Belle took Ariel's hand. "C'mon, Ariel! I'll come with you!"

Rumple scrambled out of Neal's arms and ran over to Ariel's other side. "Me too!" He took her other hand.

The redhead looked uneasy. "The...Evil Queen...she...she probably told him terrible lies about me."

"Maybe 'cause . . . I didn't know any better . . .but things is different now. M'sorry, Ariel!" said Regina, upset.

Ariel looked down at the little girl.

Emma and Neal looked at each other. "How...does she remember?" he asked the savior.

"A little . . .b'cause some people call me that . . . but if . . . if I did somethin' bad I don't 'member, but I'm sorry anyway. I really am!" the small girl was almost crying.

Ariel knelt down and hugged her. "I know you are, sweetie. You helped me find him again."

Regina hugged her back. "Friends?"

Ariel's green eyes twinkled. "Friends."

Belle tugged on her hand. "Let's go, Ariel. Eric's waitin' for you!"

Ariel paused, then with a child on either side of her, called, "ERIC!"

Now that her ankle had been healed she ran for the dock as fast as her legs would carry her with the excited children behind her.

Eric turned around at the sound of a familiar voice: "Ariel?!"

Ariel ran to him, her arms outstretched. Her eyes were filled with tears. So many years she'd dreamed of this moment and hoped it was everything she wanted it to be.

Eric caught her in his arms. "You . . . you're here! With . . . legs!"

"It was the only way I could see you." She was crying as she held onto to him like her life depended on it.

"Then . . . you want to see me? I thought . . . you didn't love me anymore!" he protested.

"I love you with all my heart! You were told a lie, Eric...by the Evil Queen...but it's all right now...she's sorry for what she said...and she helped me find you." Ariel hugged him close.

She felt a tug on her skirt and looked down to see Regina standing there.

"M'sorry, Eric," the tot sniffled, her dark eyes glistening with tears.

Eric's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "That's-the Evil Queen?"

"I don't wanna be evil," she whimpered, shaking her dark head.

"You aren't, honey," reassured the little mermaid.

Eric was still flabbergasted. "She's a little kid!"

"It's a long story . . ." Emma said with a sigh.

Belle peeked shyly from around Rumple. "Hi, Eric!"

Eric smiled down at her. "Hello! Who're you?"

"M'Belle...an this is my boyfriend Rumple...and that's Killian." She pointed to each in turn.

"Her boyfriend," Eric hid an amused smirk. "That's cute!"

"People call me Hook cause I only got one hand," explained the former pirate.

Eric shook his hand. "But I bet you can do just as much with one hand as most other people do with two." He looked at Bae.

"I wanna just be Regina...'kay?" said Regina.

"Okay . . ." he looked like he'd been hit over the head.

Neal whispered to him, "Long story short...ummmm...they all got turned back into kids. And don't have a lot of memories of their adult selves." Neal jerked his head at Rumple—"HE's actually my papa. My name is Baelfire, but you can call me Bae . . . or Neal, sometimes I go by that too."

"Your father...you're raising your father?" Eric's blue eyes spoke volumes.

"Uh . . . yeah . . . kinda . . . told you it was weird . . ." coughed Neal.

"That's putting it mildly," said the prince, thinking this was the strangest situation he'd ever heard of.

"Yeah well, this whole town isn't exactly normal . . ." remarked Neal, running a hand through his hair.

"I guessed that...so...umm...Regina is a kid too. And remembers...nothing?"

Bae nodded. "Regression spell works like that. They go back to square one . . .an innocent, except for some vague memories of things in their previous childhoods."

"And I take it these memories aren't always good ones," said Eric shrewdly.

Bae said darkly, "No . . . especially not in HIS case," he nodded at Rumple. "My grandfather was the king of bastards . . . and he treated Rumple worse than a freaking dog . . .and the others don't have such great memories either."

"Maybe they're better off as kids," mused Eric.

"Oh but they have lives and families as adults." Ariel said softly.

"They seem happy now," the prince observed.

"Yeah and that's the problem . . . but we'll work it out. So, you two good now?" asked Emma.

Eric put his arms around her shoulders. "Perfect. But I'd like to thank those guys first." He kneeled down so that he was at eye level with the toddlers. "I guess I owe you thanks for bringing Ariel back to me."

Regina was embarrassed. "Aww, shucks! It was the right thing to do."

"You need to be with your love," Belle stated.

"We made a deal cause she helped us come home and we always keep our word," Rumple told him seriously.

"Ya gonna kiss her, mate?" twitted Hook.

"Go on and . . . kiss the girl!" sang Belle and Regina together.

Rumple made smooching noises. "Kiss! Kiss!"

Eric pulled Ariel back into his arms and kissed her.

"I want someone to kiss me now!" pouted Regina.

Hook smirked. "Okay!" He kissed her.

"That sucked!" a disgruntled Regina cried.

"Hey! How would you know?" Hook cried, insulted.

Rumple and Belle started laughing.

"Cause I didn't feel all tingly," answered the brunette. "My nanny said when you get a real good kiss you feel all tingly an' in the movies all the girls say when their true love kisses 'em their toes curl up!"

Belle sighed dreamily. "Oh mine do...all the time."

Emma winked at Bae, trying to keep a straight face. "Oh God! Now's she's the Queen of Romance!"

"Heaven help us!" he muttered.

"Ya know what...I'm gonna write books," the former  
mayor announced.

Rumple looked at Belle. "They do? When you kiss me your toes curl?"

"Yours don't?" She looks disappointed.

" I'm gonna write books where the girls kiss the boys and the kisses don't suck," Regina continued.

"No but I get all tingly and warm all over. I think only girls have toes curling," Rumple said.

"Oh...I feel that too."

"You suck." Regina said petulantly.

Ariel and Eric were chuckling.

"I do not!" argued Hook indignantly.

"Oh get over yourself! I was talking to Belle 'n Rumple...clean out yer ears!" Regina said sassily. "I really want a good kiss and not from Mr Cooties here."

Hook sulked. "Awww go kiss a frog then!"

"Yeah maybe it'll turn into a prince!" Belle mused.

"Not kissin a frog. It'll give me warts!" Regina cried.

"Yuck! Then maybe you have to wait till you find someone . . .meantime you can write books about all of us . . .and our 'ventures," suggested her sorcerer companion.

"Can do that...you wanna help, Belle?"

"Sure! I wanna write a book about me n'Rumple!" the bookworm said happily.

"Hey what about me?" Hook felt left out.

"You can draw the pictures," said Belle kindly.

Eric started chuckling "Bae, you have your hands full."

"Yeah, you can say that again! Some days I want to run away to Alaska!" admitted the former thief.

"It's sweet though," remarked Ariel.

"Where are you staying, Ariel?" her true love asked.

"At Granny's."

"Well . . .do you...ahhh...want to stay with me?"

Four sets of eyes gave him looks of disapproval. "Eric! You gots to court her fore you ask her to move in!" gasped Regina.

"Yeah . . .you gotta be a gentleman!" Belle lectured.

"That's not how you do it, dearie. You gonna marry her?" Rumple asked shortly.

"Make n' honest woman of her!" Hook warbled.

Eric knelt before Ariel and took her hand in his. The kids were right."Will you marry me, my mermaid princess?"

"Yes! I love you!" Ariel cried and kisses him.

The kids cheered. Then Hook asked, "Can we come to the wedding?"

Of course you can. You can be in it too...if you want," offered Ariel.

Belle squealed, "Oooh! I wanna be a flower girl!"

"Me too!"Regina cried.

"I wanna be a ring bearer!" Rumple called out.

"What can I do?" wondered Killian.

"You can hold Ariel's train . . .so's she doesn't trip." Belle told him.

"I can do that...ummmm...I gots to use one hand though...don't wanna rip her dress."

"Maybe we can make you a prosthetic hand, Killian," offered Neal.

"Huh? Is it like a real one?" he asked.

"It's kind of like a real one. It looks real . . . but it's made of err . . plastic and stuff . . .kind of like a robot's . .. well some of them are . . ." Neal explained.

"I'd like one..if I can't get a real one."

"Cool! You'd be like RoboCop!" Regina cheered.

Hook smiled. "I can do more with two hands!"

"Like flirt with more girls?" Rumple guessed.

"Kinda," he laughed. "But what I really wanna do is be a good sailor. 'An I need both hands to do it."

Rumple looked thoughtful. "Hmm . . .maybe when I get bigger I can . . . err . . . Belle, what's the word for when you regrow a hand or a foot or something?"

Belle answered promptly. "Regenerate."

"Yeah, I can regenerate your hand . . .I think I'm too little now to do it right . . "

"S'okay I can use a prosth...thingie til then."

"Good 'cause I think I need to practice . . . or you could end up with half a hand," Rumple said.

Regina grimaced. "Nasty!"

"Yuck!" Hook looked grossed out.

"Thanks everybody! Now we . . . err . . . need to get going . . .Eric, why don't you show me around Storybrooke?"

"I'd love to," he said.

The kids all whistled. "Oooh!"

"We'll see you all again soon." She linked her arm through her finace's and they started walking down the street

Belle waved. "Bye, Ariel!" she would miss the mermaid.

Hook looked sad.

Rumple noticed. "Hey . . .maybe we can find you a girl, right Belle?"

"Uh huh."

Hook brightened. "Okay."

Emma started giggling. "Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match . . ." she sang a song from Fiddler on the Roof.

Bae hummed the theme to The Dating Game.

Regina rolled her eyes. "They're losin' it!"

"Grown-ups! They're weird!" Rumple stated.

Hook pouted. "I was gonna say that!"

"So sue me," Rumple said impudently.

"If that's how we're gonna act I wanna stay a kid," Hook muttered.

Regina agreed. "Me too!"

Belle shook her head. "Not me! I wanna marry Rumple when I get big!"

"An' live in a big pink house an' be rich with lots of kids an' save the world with magic!" he said dreamily, his brown eyes far away.

"A pink house...Yuck!" snorted the former queen.

"I think it's pretty . . .like a rose . . ." Belle argued.

"I wanna big black n white mansion," Regina said.

"I'm gonna live on a ship," Hook replied. "The fastest and best one."

Emma chuckled wryly. "Sounds like they have their future planned out."

Bae whispered, "How close are you to finishing that potion?"

Emma leaned in. "Pretty close, babe. The plants still have to grow a bit . . . but I have the dust . . .but there's a bit of a problem . . ."

"I take it this isn't good."

"No . . .and it concerns Rumple . . .see, he's a kid now and his Dark One curse doesn't affect him . . . but when he grows up . . . he'll be cursed again from the dagger."

Understanding dawned in the former thief's eyes. "You want to remove the dagger curse."

"If we don't . . . he'll lose his ability to cast white magic . . .and become possessed again by the spirit of the dagger . . .do you want him to be like that again?"

"No. But how can we break the curse? Belle tried and she couldn't."

"There has to be a way. Maybe we could find a magician who knows . . .a cursebreaker or something . . .anyway, that's why I think we should wait before I brew the potion again."

"We'd have to go back to the enchanted forest to do that."

"I know . . .and I have no clue how to do that . . .maybe we should ask Nova?"

"We can...and there's still the matter of Blue. I want to make sure she never hurts my father or anyone again."

"I agree. So . . . we should make a trip to the convent soon . . . maybe have my parents watch the kids while we go there?"she asked.

"They better not screw up like last time!" he objected.

"I'll make sure they have stuff for the kids to do and my dad ought to know better by now."

"Let's hope so or we'll be seeing more Mohawks and God knows what else."

"I promise . . . maybe they could take them somewhere . .."

"As long as it's not to another realm."

Emma agreed. "Yeah . . . I was thinking maybe to like an arcade or something."

"Well, that should work."

"Yeah there's one that just opened here called Pleasure Island."

"Ummm...Pleasure Island?" He laughed.

"Don't start! I didn't name it . . . August did . . . he owns it . . ."

"That's a scary thought."

"Don't worry, he's co owner with Marco . . . and Marco will keep him on the straight and narrow."

"Good because he certainly wasn't before," Bae said.

"Yeah, but I think he's finally got his act together . . . finding your family will do that to you . . . as long as they're decent people," remarked Emma.

"And for these guys...their parents weren't. All the times I criticized Papa...I could kick myself."

"I know . . .you were lucky, Neal . . .and you never knew how lucky till now . . .even when he was the Dark One he never hurt you, right?"

"No."

" I never had it quite as bad as him either . . .and he's a sweet kid . . ." She gazed at Rumple.

"That's the way he was...before. He was a good man, he loved me more than anything. I forgot that when I fell through the portal."

"And he put himself in hell to save the one he loved most . . .but I'm not going to make him go back to that, Neal! He deserves this second chance-the chance to be free . . ."

"Let's do it, Em. I was wrong before. I ran away instead of facing my problems. I listened to the blue bitch and screwed everything up between us. I can say that now . . .I never wanted to admit it before, it was so easy to just blame him for everything. But I was wrong. She lied to me, Em. She . . . wanted me separated from him. He never really abandoned me . . .my fingers slipped from his, and the nature of a portal is to draw you in. I fell and it closed . . .and it didn't bring me here, it brought me to another world like here . . .it took escaping Neverland to get here . . .damn Blue Butt Muncher!" Bae swore!

"Okay . . . now let me call my dad . . .and then I'll call Nova and we'll talk. Where there's a will, there's a way."

**A/N: Just curious-who's your favorite toddler and why?**


	19. A Pleasurable Outing

**19**

**A Pleasurable Outing**

Snow was a bit nervous. Certainly she managed whole classrooms full of children on a daily basis but they weren't her former stepmother, a pirate, a sorcerer and his librarian girlfriend. And her husband's last assignment babysitting the kids didn't go well at all. They were both going to have to watch them like hawks.

"Charming, are you sure we have enough for them to do? I mean, toddlers aren't like grade school kids . . . they have the attention span of . . ."

"Gnats?" her husband joked.

"Well...ummm...no just a short attention span. We need to be able to keep them occupied enough so that they stay out of trouble."

Her husband looked thoughtful. "I hid the scissors and locked the closet, oh and put away your make up, so . . ."

"They can get into other things beside those you know," mused the schoolteacher. "They're more adventurous than I was as a child."

Charming coughed. "Uh . . .I was kind of like them . . . but my mama made sure I was kept busy helping her around the farm . . ."

"And...we need to make sure to NOT give them too much sugary stuff," recalled Snow.

"Yeah, Emma said keep the sugar down to a minimum otherwise they're like monkeys on crack . . ." David chuckled.

They heard a car pull up.

Snow looked at him. "You ready?"

"Yup. Ready, Captain, for the invasion."

They heard footsteps out in the hall and someone pounding on the door.

"We's heerrree," Regina sang, as she banged upon the door. She was wearing a cute polka dot dress and black half-boots.

"Regina, don't pound on the door," ordered Rumple. He had on a little mock-Izod shirt and some brown slacks and his loafers, he held his cane in his right hand.

"Why?" asked the little brunette.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Cause it's not nice!"

Belle skipped up by them, singing, "Strawberry Shortcake cream on top, tell me the name of your sweetheart . . .R-Rumplestiltkin!" She was wearing an adorable jean skirt with emnroidered flowers around the hem and a blue babydoll top with appliquéd roses on the collar. She had on soft blue ballet slippers.

"Oh God...they're high already," moaned David.

"My God, they're toddlers . . .you make it sound like they were smoking weed!" clucked Snow disapprovingly.

"Well, sugar is weed for kids, hon."

"Hey, open up!" Hook yelled. He was dressed in black jeans and a T-shirt with a dinosaur on it that was growling and underneath it were the words _Little Terror_. He had on black sneakers.

Emma came up to them, wearing her red leather jacket and a white shirt and blue pants, her hair ruffling her face. "Hey! Settle down, kids! Mom, Dad . . . you there?"

Snow opened the door.

"We're here… oooof." She was nearly knocked down by Regina.

Regina shoved past her and into the loft. "Yay, we gets to spend the day with you. What're we gonna do? Huh?"

Rumple followd, but he paused to greet Mary Margaret. "Hiya, Snow!"

Snow smiled. "Hello, Rumple." The little imp was adorable with his small cane and slightly floofy hair. "And hello Belle and...Killian."

Rumple hugged her.

Snow was stunned. "Well I'm happy to see you too, Rumple."

Emma did tell her Rumple's child self was more affectionate and thought her daughter was exaggerating a bit. Now it seemed she wasn't.

Rumple smiled sweetly at her. Then he went over to David and held out a hand. "High five!"

David slapped palms with the tiny mage. "Hi, buddy."

Snow felt a tug on her skirt and saw Killian with his arms out. She wanted to laugh at the irony of it, Captain Hook wanted a hug from her. Still, even he was a charmer as a child. "Well, hello, there, handsome!" She hugged the child, smirking.

"Oh, don't get him started!" Neal chuckled, bringing in the kids' bags with their books and toys. He was wearing his customary gray hoodie, blue shirt, jeans, and black sneakers.

Killian grinned. "You're as pretty as Emma."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Not again!"

Belle giggled.

Rumple gave the other boy a puzzled look. "What is with you an' married ladies?"

Emma started humming David Lee Roth's Just a Gigolo.

Bae cracked up.

David frowned, not catching the reference. "What?"

Emma shook her head. "Nothing."

"It ain't gainst the law to tell her she's pretty," the little buccaneer remarked.

"Yeah, well it against the law to date married ladies. Don'cha know anything?" asked Regina disgustedly.

"Yeah, and that's cause their husbands will kick your butt," Rumple agreed.

Belle spoke up then. "If anybody tried to date Rumple 'cept me, I'd kick their butt!"

Killian looked slightly alarmed. "You're not gonna kick my butt cause I said Snow's pretty, are ya David?"

"Uh . . . no . . .not right now . . ." he was laughing. "I happen to think she's really pretty! So how long will you all be staying?"

Regina shrugged. "Long as we wanna."

Snow looked a little disconcerted. "Uh . . ."

"We need to go over and talk to Nova about some magic things, so that could take all day," Neal pointed out, leaning against the side of the couch.

Regina squealed. "Oooh, goodie! Not cause you leavin...I wanna play here with Snow 'n David."

"Yeah . . . like we done last time . . ." agreed the little librarian.

Rumple was worried. "Bae, I hope you don't see the Butt Muncher!"

"We can play dress up again," Regina was already planning out her day.

Belle looked pleased. "An' pretty pretty princesses!" She smiled happily.

Killian eyed Rumple, then said, "Don't worry, Rumple. Bae can smack her butt."

"Uh . . . only if she makes me . . . and we'll be speaking to Nova about her too . . . I'm not going to have her terrorizing you all over again." The former thief informed them.

"Good. Cause she's mean like my papa," his father said, biting his lip.

"Yeah, but he's in hell," the former queen declared, her eyes hard.

Killian scowled. "Hope he's roastin' on a fire."

Even Belle looked angry. "All bad people roast in hell."

Snow and David looked at each other. They were talking about hell...at their age?

Rumple nodded seriously. "Yup, he is . . .it's where all the bad people goes when they die . . ."

Emma cleared her throat. "All right, guys-enough talk about hell. You be good for Snow and David, okay?"

"And no wandering off. None whatsoever," added Bae firmly.

Rumple sighed at the familiar litany. "I know, I know . . .I'll be good ." Then he ran over to Bae and grabbed him about the knees, anxious over him leaving. "You're gonna come back, right? You won't forget?"

Bae knelt. "You know better than that, buddy!"

"It's just . . ." He buried his head in Bae's middle, clinging to the older man like a barnacle. Ever since Pan and the portal he was anxious and scared when one of his guardians left.

"Rumple...I know you're scared buddy but look at me...look at me, please," Neal urged, using his most persuasive and soft tone.

Rumple sniffled. "Kay . . ." He looked up at his son, his eyes huge in his small face, tears sparkling in them.

Bae took him by the shoulders. "Listen to me. No matter where you are...I will always find a way to get to you. Just like my papa."

"You'll always find me?" the child's lower lip trembled pathetically.

"Always."

Rumple smiled, relieved. Then he said, "Bae? Can I . . . can I watch your scarf again?"

"You sure can and if you get scared just hold it and think of me...okay?" He removed his scarf from his neck and held it out to the toddler. "And I want you to remember something my papa once told me. This may just look like an old scarf but to you it can be anything you want."

Rumple's eyes widened in amazement. "It can?"

His son nodded calmly. "You know what blood magic is, Rumple?"

The child thought for a few moments. "Uh . . .I think so . . . it's when . . . umm . . .you make magic that can only be used by people who're in the same family as you . . .an' nobody else . . ."

"Yes, and you _are_ my family so this should work for you," he told the small sorcerer earnestly.

"I am? How will it work?" he queried, his small face scrunched up as he tried to figure things out.

"Yeah, we're . . . err . . .sort of like . . . cousins . . . " He coughed, wishing he could tell Rumple the truth. "You think about what you want it to be...and make it happen. My papa had this old stick he walked with...and he made it hide a cabinet in his house." He picked up Rumple's cane and twirled it. "He made it show up like this."

Rumple grinned. "Cool! Was there magic stuff in it?"

"Lots," his son recalled. "You can do stuff like that with your cane too," he told his father. "So if you ever feel like you're in a jam, you can do things like that to help you."

"Cool!" Regina yelled.

"Like make a safe place for us to hide?" speculated the former attorney.

"You can do anything you want," Neal assured him.

"Cause you're my hero!" Belle beamed.

"You just have to believe you can." Neal reminded him.

"Because belief is true power," Emma told him.

"An' we can help you like we did with Pan," Regina said stoutly.

"Uh huh," Hook agreed.

Rumple hugged the scarf to him. "Okay . . ." Then he grabbed Belle's hand. "All for one . . ."

"One for all!" cheered Regina.

Killian grasped Rumple's other hand. "Nevengers forever, mate."

"They have come a long way," marveled Snow.

"Yeah . . . they actually get along now without wanting to beat each other up," Charming remarked.

Regina looked at the older man. "We don't do that..we just kick the butts of people who try to hurt us."

"Hard . . . so's they learn their lesson an' leave us alone." Rumple said simply.

"Like we did to that stranger who tried to take me away."

"What stranger?" Snow wanted to know. She eyed Emma askance.

"Uh, while we were trying to find Eric . . . we err . . . ran into Mr. French," her daughter explained.

"He was crazy! He tried to kidnap Belle!" put in Rumple.

"I can't imagine that went well," David sighed.

"We underarrested his butt!" smirked Regina, her little curls bouncing.

"I smacked his butt with my cane," Rumple told them.

The couple burst into laughter imagining Moe being attacked by a mini Rumple and company.

"Underarrested?"Snow repeated, her chest shaking with laughter.

"Yeah, you know! Like when the cops say-"You're under arrest! Now spread 'em!" Regina said in her best Miami Vice tones.

"Good job." Charming praised. He had never really cared for Moe.

Feeling left out, Hook added, "And I kicked him in the nuts . . .so's he can't have no more kids."

"And then we tied him up so Emma could take him to the slammer!" crowed the dark-haired sorceress.

"So's he can be next to some guy named Bubba," Rumple said.

"Oh no...I know where this is going," moaned the princess.

David started snickering. "Oh, boy . . . where'd they learn _that_?"

"I'm almost afraid to ask." She glanced over at her daughter, frowning.

"I did NOT tell them that! He"-Emma indicated Killian—"already knew about it."

"Well, it's true," the little pirate insisted. "My papa tol' me . . . and he'd know . . .'cause he's been in jail lots of times . . ."

_Brilliant, _Bae thought sarcastically. "Well, no more talk about it, okay?"

"Okay," Rumple hugged the scarf tightly. "Bae . . .where'd this scarf come from?"

"It's mine...my papa made it for me when I was a boy."

"So's that's why it's special?" probed Rumple.

"Yes it is and I trust no one else with it but you...and so would he," his son reassured him.

Rumple smiled. He liked feeling important and he wouldn't break Bae's trust. "I'll take good care of it," he promised.

Bae ruffled his hair. "We'll be home as soon as we can, okay?"

"Yeah." He still felt uneasy, but he reminded himself that he had an important job now and Bae always would find him if he got lost. He also had his friends to be with him.

Bae scooped him up and hugged him tightly, wishing there were some way he could take his father's fears and painful memories away.

Rumple laid his head on Bae's shoulder and snuggled with him. He would try to be brave . . .and hopefully Bae and Emma would return soon.

Charming whispered to Emma, "I've never seen him like that. He's sure got some anxiety issues." He couldn't believe this shy anxious little boy was the hardnosed ice cold Mr. Gold.

"You have no idea," Emma answered, her blue eyes dark with emotion. "And we all need to remember that."

Snow frowned. "He acts like . . .he was abused or something."

"He was," her daughter said bluntly. "Since he was this age till his scumbag father abandoned him when he was six. By his father...and by Blue."

"I knew about Blue . . . I was there . . . remember? But I never knew about his father. That's horrible!" her mother said feelingly.

"He has nightmares a lot about it," the sheriff said tightly. "And scars from where he was whipped by Daddy Dearest. Neal nearly had a conniption."

David whistled quietly. "No wonder he was obsessed with finding Bae . . ."

"Neal's his only family, besides Henry. It's where he feels safest . . . with him."

"I don't understand how a parent could hurt a child like that . . ."Snow shook her head sadly. "No wonder he's so clingy."

"Not clingy. He just...didn't believe anyone loved him," corrected Emma.

"Because his father didn't, right?" surmised the teacher.

"No, he didn't...he tried to kill him," Emma said, her voice sharp. "When they were in Neverland."

"Aww, hell no! That's just . . . disgusting!" David cried, looking sickened.

"That's insane!" Snow snapped.

"Now you understand why he's so afraid to be apart from Neal," Emma reiterated, brushing a speck of dust from her jacket.

"Yeah . . . I understand a lot more now . . ." said Charming, and he felt slightly guilty for misjudging Rumple all those years, thinking he cared for no one save himself.

"Poor little kid!" murmured Mary Margaret.

"Just...please...don't do anything to upset him," Emma cautioned.

"What . . . would upset him?" asked her father.

Emma ticked off points on her fingers. "Leaving him alone for long periods of time, leaving him out of things, basically treating him like he doesn't matter. I know you won't do that but...just be careful."

"We will . . .and David, no raising your voice at him either . . .you'll probably scare him to death," warned his wife.

"I won't. The last thing we need is a scared magician on our hands . . ." Charming shuddered imagining the havoc the child could wreak.

Emma smiled. "Thank you...and I know you'll be fine. They are a handful but you get used to it."

"Maybe we could . . . take them on a little outing . . . like to the park or . . . or . . . somewhere fun, so Rumple won't even realize you're gone?" suggested her mother.

"I was thinking of the arcade," the sheriff said.

"Pleasure Island?" clarified her father.

"That's it. It will keep them busy and they'll have fun." Emma crossed her boot over her ankle.

"They aren't too young?" Snow queried.

"I don't think so."

"I heard there's lots of games and stuff for kids of all ages, Marco told me they designed it like that on purpose." David remarked.

"It'll be perfect for them," stressed his daughter.

Snow nodded. "Okay, so we'll do that while you're gone."

Emma smiled gratefully. "Thanks. We'd better get going now."

She said her goodbyes to the children, not surprised when Killian held onto her a little longer than the others. Sly devil, she thought. Then she and Neal left before any of the kids could protest or start fussing.

Rumple put Bae's scarf around his neck and waved goodbye, holding Belle's hand.

Snow went and put an arm around him comfortingly. After what she had learned her heart broke for the poor child. "It's going to be okay...we have a fun day planned for you."

"What're we gonna do?" asked Regina excitedly, her dark eyes alight with curiosity.

"Yeah . . . I ain't playin' dress up . . . that's for girls!" Killian stated.

"Are we gonna go to the library?" guessed Belle. That was her favorite place.

Snow laughed. "No...we're going to Pleasure Island."

Rumple's brow creased. He'd never heard of that place. "What's that?"

"It's a cool place where you can play games and go on rides and stuff. We'll have lots of fun there," David assured him.

"And you can win prizes and everything," encouraged Snow. "A lot of my students go there and have a great time."

Regina jumped up and down. "Oooh...I wanna win prizes."

"Do they gots rides?" asked Hook. "Like the pirate ship? I seen one on the TV."

"I can win you something, Belle," promised Rumple.

"Ooh . . .I can't wait to go there!" cheered the little bookworm.

"Well, let's get in the car then." Snow urged.

"Yay!" yelled the former mayor. Then she rushed out the door, with Hook following her, and Belle bringing up the rear with Rumple, who limped gamely along with his little gold topped cane, reminding Snow of Little Lord Fauntleroy.

They assumed it would be a quiet ride, not so with four toddles in the car.

Before five minutes went by, Killian had asked, "Are we there yet?"

"No," replied Snow and thought _Already?_

A few minutes ticked by and then Regina blurted, "Are we there yet?"

"Not yet," Charming answered.

"Is it much longer...my leg's getting sleepy," Rumple complained, jiggling it.

"Regina, you poked me in the arm!" Belle snapped crossly.

"Then move over, you're hogging all the room," the former queen said irritably.

"Killian, why'd you take your shoes off? Your feet smell!" Rumple held his nose.

Snow groaned. "David . . . are we there yet?"

"Aww, not you too!" her husband rolled his eyes. "I'm driving as fast as I can."

Killian scowled at Rumple. "Do not!"

"Do too." Rumple argued. "Don'tcha ever wash your socks? They stink like old cheese!"

"Do not! My feet smell like roses!" Hook shot back and he wriggled his foot in Rumple's face.

"Gross!" Rumple shoved Hook's foot away. "Your feet smell like something dead and rotting away!"

Belle made a face. "Ewww . . . who farted?"

Regina gagged. "Somebody open a window. I can't breathe! I need a gas mask!"

"Holy crap...better check your pants!" Killian hooted.

"You're 'sgusting!" Regina wrinkled her nose at him.

"I didn't do it," Killian insisted.

"Yeah you did," Belle said primly.

"Nuh uh! It was Rumple!"

"Did not! Whoever denied it, supplied it!" the little sorcerer growled.

"Betcha if we check your underwear you have skiddies!"

Rumple shook his head. "No way . . .you do!"

Killian snickered. "What crawled up your butt and died, mate...?"

"Eeww! You're grosser than gross!" Belle declared.

"Yeah, if it were up your butt, you'd know," Rumple said sassily.

"Rumple doesn't fart," Belle defended. "He's a gentleman!"

"Aw come on! Everybody farts, just like they poop," put in Regina.

Snow was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.

Killian smirked. "Man up, mate, ya did it."

Rumple glared at him. "If I did . . . I'd make sure I farted in your face . . . cause your feet stink and are makin' me wanna barf, dearie!"

David was laughing so hard he almost passed the street he needed to turn down.

"Well, I don't wanna fart," Belle declared.

"When you gotta do it, you gotta do it," Regina said philosophically.

"Why did I never have conversations like this with her?" giggled Snow.

Belle huffed. "My nurse always said a lady never farts . . . she passes gas."

"It's the same thing!" Killian looked at her like she was dumb. "Farts are gas, duh!"

"How do you know? You a doctor now?"

"My papa said so," Killian replied.

"Dr. Jones!" Belle hooted.

"They're killing me here," gasped David.

"I am close to peeing myself right now," his wife remarked.

"Emma should have warned us," David muttered.

"It was her way of being a smartyass," Snow snorted.

"Ooh you said a bad word!" scolded Regina.

"Uh oh . . . now Bae's gonna get the Ivory . . ." Rumple warned.

"I''ve been ratted out by my own stepmother!" Snow protested.

"I's not your stepmom," Regina cried.

"Because all of them are evil," stated Belle.

"Like Cinderella's," agreed Rumple.

"Why they gotta be evil?' wondered Regina.

"They don't . . . but sometimes the fairy tales make them all like that . . ." her step daughter said.

"I don 't wanna be a wicked stepmom. I wanna be a nice one who makes lotsa apple goodies," said the former Evil Queen wistfully.

"Like apple crumb!" Rumple licked his lips.

"I wanna be a mom with losta kids and run the library," Belle said dreamily.

"Yeah, we know. Rumple's kids," Killian groaned.

Rumple snorted. "Well, of course . . . they ain't gonna be yours."

"No shit, Sherlock!" the pirate aid.

"You swore. I'm telling." Regina cried. "SNOW! He said the S-word!"

"Killian, we don't use those words. Don't make me get out the soap." The teacher warned.

"Ha ha!" hooted Regina. She blew a raspberry at him.

Killian hung his head. "M'sorry."

Rumple gave the other boy a Look. "An' my name ain't Sherlock! You got Old Timer's disease?"

"No, farthead!" snapped Killian.

"Old Timer's disease? Oh, God help me!" David giggled.

"Rumple didn't do it. You did," Belle insisted.

"Yeah he did, he knows he did," Killian nodded.

"You're full of it!" the small sorcerer growled.

"Of hot air!" Regina sang, giggling.

"So are you. . . of toxic gas," growled Killian. "Almost burnt my nosehairs off."

"Well next time don't smell people's butts," Regina informed him.

"Did not, he's sittin right there and stink travels."

"Look who's talking . . .Mr. Stinky Feet," Rumple said. "You could make flowers wilt!"

"Oh, God! Are we there yet?" Snow was nearly prostrate with laughter.

"I hope so . . . because I need a bathroom . . . before I embarrass myself," Charming wiped his eyes.

They had to get these kids occupied...quickly before all hell broke loose.

"Ewww, you gonna pee your pants?" Regina sounded disgusted.

"Gross!" Belle made a face.

"You need a Pull Up?" asked Rumple.

Snow tried without success to muffle her laughter in her hand.

"Maybe we'd better pull over. There's a tree, mate." Hook suggested.

"He's gotta wear Depends cause that's what they give old people," stated Regina.

"Depends?" Belle raised an eyebrow.

Rumple explained, "It's like Pull Ups for old people . . .I saw it on TV."

Snow almost died. "We need to speak to my daughter about their TV watching habits!"

"For people with overactive bladders," Rumple continued.

"Yeah he needs those," Killian agreed. "For he wets the seat."

"What's an overactive bladder?" queried Regina.

"When you pee a lot," Belle informed her.

"Yeah . . .Lizabeth used to give people tea for it . . and said they needed to put a towel down so they didn't wet the bed." Rumple said knowingly.

"Oh my God!" David groaned.

"Man, I ain't never gettin' old!" Killian protested.

"Me neither...you lose all your teeth, you go nuts an' you can't see or hear neither," Regina stated.

"And you forget your own NAME . . . and the names of your wife n'kids . . ." Rumple added.

"And you talk to people who ain't there, like old Missus Pennyweather," Belle told him.

"Yeah an' you gotta eat gross food, like cornmeal mush and spinach puree," Killian grimaced.

"EEEWWW! I'd rather die!" Regina groaned.

Snow shook her head. Of the group, Rumple was middle aged and still had his wits about him. She was certain he would even without being immortal.

"If I ever get like that I'm shooting myself . . ." Rumple declared.

"I'll have 'em toss me inta Davy Jones locker."

"I'll eat a poison apple," Regina cried.

"Okay, guys! We're here!"

"Thank God!" Snow said.

Killian hooted. "Yahooo!"

Regina peered out the window. "Lookit all the rides!"

Snow got out and unbuckled everyone from their seatbelt.

"Ooh . .. I wanna go on the teacup one!" Belle shrilled.

Rumple noticed how a lot of the boys were wearing ball caps on their heads. Not wanting to seem like a big baby, he took Bae's scarf and concentrated until it morphed into a red hat with an R on it.

"They gotsa a pirate ship!" Killian cried happily. Then he saw Rumple's cap. "Cool. Can you make me a hat, mate?"

"Yeah . . . what color you want?"

"But make it black with the Jolly Roger skull on it."

"'Kay." He concentrated more and then the hat appeared like Hook requested in his lap. "Here, dearie."

"Thanks, mate. You're not gonna pass out are ya?"

"No . . . m'fine . . ."

"Okay."

"Can you make me a hat Rumple? I want a pretty blue one with a pink rose on it and a white chipped tea cup," requested Belle.

"Me too! I want a black one with an apple on it," Regina called.

"Hang on!" He concentrated and two more hats appeared.

"That's a good idea, Rumple. Now we can see you more easily." David praised.

"We should have matching shirts too that say the Nevengers," Regina said bossily.

"C'mon you're gonna make him sleepy," Belle frowned.

"Yeah, I can do the shirts 'nother time . . . I wanna go on the teacup ride," Rumple said quietly as he got out of the car.

Belle jumped up and down and clapped her hands." An' we can hold hands like boyfriend and girlfriend."

Regina groaned. "Gross!"

Killian just rolled his eyes. "I wanna play some games an' go on the pirate ship!"

"Okay, everybody. We all hold hands in the parking lot and no running off!" Snow lectured.

"Yeah, we don't want you to get lost or a stranger take you away," David agreed.

"You gonna tie a string around us like Bae 'n Emma did?" Rumple wanted to know.

David was puzzled. "A string?"

"Uh huh...he did that to me 'n Belle cause we ran off once," sighed the small imp.

"And now we don't do that no more." Belle said.

"No, you can just hold our hands . . . and stay close to us when we're in the arcade." Snow said.

"We will," said Regina, taking Snow's hand.

Belle grabbed Snow's hand. "We don't wanna be taken away."

Rumple took David's hand. "You'll protect us, right?"

"Of course we will," the prince reassured him.

"C'mon, mates! Let's go!" Hook tugged David's hand.

"Not going on the pirate ship. it'll make me puke," stated the brunette.

Hook pulled David down the sidewalk. Pleasure Island was built close to the harbor, on a bunch of wooden walkways almost like a ship' deck. There was a huge colorful lighted sign with the arcade name on it and two palm trees on either side that blinked off and on. Rides of all kinds were next to several long low buildings and there was a ticket booth and concession stands all over. Kids ran in and out of places everywhere, some accompanied by harried parents.

It was very noisy, kids laughed, shouted, pointed, pouted, cried, and threw tantrums right on the ground.

In addition to the pirate ship and spinning tea cup ride, there was a Ferris wheel, a kiddie coaster, a carousel, and a ride with fishes that you could squirt water at each other with as you went around.

There were concession stands and vendors selling souvenirs also.

They went on the tea cup ride first. Belle held Rumple's hand as they spun around, laughing with delight.

David had to go with them, as all kids had to be accompanied by an adult. At first he thought, _this isn't so bad . . ._

"Whoo hoo! I like this ride!" Rumple hollered, his hair sticking up.

"Me too! It's awesome! Let's do it again!" Belle screeched, her hair in her eyes.

"Again?" David looked rather ill.

"Yeah . . . just give the guy some more tickets, David." Rumple told him.

So he did and they stayed in their teacup and were spun around again.

David was nauseated.

Rumple clapped his hands. "Again!"

Belle screamed,"More! More!"

"Aww, c'mon, can we go on something else?" asked the prince.

Rumple shook his head stubbornly. "No! Not yet!" Then he gave the prince a pleading look from his big brown eyes. "Ple-e-ease?"

Belle added her own puppy dog eyes. "With cherries on top?"

"Okay, ummm..." Before he could get the words out he doubled over and vomited.

"Ewwww!"

"Yuck!"

Before they could get off the ride, it started again. "Oh no-o-o!" screamed Charming.

Belle gasped. "Rumple, do something!"

Charming was green as spring grass and struggling not to vomit all over everyone as they spun around.

Rumple concentrated hard and cast a spell that turned the vomit into bubbles.

David swallowed. "N...Nice recovery..."

Bubbles blew out of his mouth and floated all over. Another little boy next to them saw and cried, "Cool! How'd they do that? I want bubbles too!"

Other children took up the cry and chanted, "Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!"

The ride manager was totally confused. "What the HELL?"

"Never...mind!" Charming moaned, holding his stomach.

"Does your tummy still hurt? I can fix it." Rumple asked, concerned.

"How?"

"Like this . . ." He took David's hand and concentrated again, healing the nausea. "There! All better now?"

David grinned. "You did it!"

He smiled and wondered if this was what Gold had been like back in the days when he was a simple wool spinner.

Rumple yawned. "M'sleepy . . ." He held out his arms to the prince. "Carry me?"

"Sure. You did a little too much today, Rumple, didn't you?"He picked the little sorcerer up and hugged him. "But I'm glad you did. It was kind of you."

"Welcome . . .I ain't evil . . . not like the Blue Butt Muncher says. Or my papa was." He put his head down on David's shoulder.

"Blue's an imbecile! You gonna take a nap, Rumple?"

"Just for a little." Then he let his eyes close and dozed.

David patted his back. "You go ahead and sleep. Belle, would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, please. M'thirsty."

He spotted a concession stand. "Okay but no soda. Do you want a snack too?"

"I wanna iced tea . . . and umm . . . pretzel nuggets with honey mustard sauce," she told him politely.

David approached the stand and ordered drinks and snacks for them and they sat down at a table David still holding the sleeping Rumple, remembering Emma's words. He was doing everything he could to make the little sorcerer feel safe...and loved.

Belle ate her pretzels and looked at the sleeping sorcerer. "Should I save some of my pretzels for Rumple?"

"That would be nice. He'll be hungry when he wakes up."

"Yeah and I like sharing with him. He always shares with me." When she had eaten half of her pretzels she put the rest in a small paper bag along with the rest of the mustard and carried it and held onto David's hand as they went to the arcade where Snow was with Regina and Hook, after David had called her on her cell.

Meanwhile, Snow had converted some of her cash into tokens and was playing some games with the other two toddlers. Regina kept trying to win a My Little Pony out of a crane machine and Killian played a Nascar game till he died, then tried to win a stuffed crocodile out of another machine.

"Awww. C'mon, you jerk. Grab it!" he snapped at the crane.

He started pounding on the machine.

Regina watched. "You not 'sposed to do that."

The raven haired pirate scowled. "So sue me...I want that."

"Want me to try and get it?" Snow asked.

Killian gave her a pleading smile. "Please?"

"Okay . . ." She dropped in two tokens and began to position the crane over the closest stuffed crocodile. She jimmied the crane slightly, then when she thought she had it just right, she pressed the red button. The crane went down, closed over the crocodile, and picked it up!

Killian clapped. "She got it. Yay, Snow!"

Snow handed Killian the crocodile. "Here you go, hon."

The little pirate threw his arms around her. "You're the best!"

Snow blushed. "Aww! You're sweet!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Have mercy!"

Just then Belle, Charming, and Rumple entered the arcade. "Hey, guys! Having fun?" asked David.

Killian held up his crocodile, wearing a smile from ear to ear. "Snow got it for me!"

"Cool! What else is there to win?" asked the bookworm.

Regina pointed to the crane machine with the stuffed ponies. "These! I wanna pegasus one!"

"They're really hard to get. I had to have Snow do it," Killian admitted.

"It was beginner's luck." She looked at her husband. "Rumple fell asleep?"

"Yeah...I got sick on the ride and he healed me. Guess it takes a lot out of him," Charming said, and rubbed the sleeping child's back when he stirred a bit. Rumple settled, falling back to sleep.

Belle nodded. "Rumple says all magic comes with a price . . . an' all mages pay it . . .unless they're dark ones . . .'specially when they heal."

"Yup. Healing's hard. It makes you extra sleepy," said Regina knowingly. She'd never been able to do it.

David glanced over at Snow. Rumple's curse was inactive as a child. That was a good thing but not when it exhausted him performing white magic.

Snow eyed the little boy, who had his thumb in his mouth. "He needs to be careful . . . he could hurt himself doing too much at once."

"We'll keep an eye on him," Charming soothed.

Snow went back to trying to win Regina a pony and David went and stood along the wall with the snoozing Rumple. Suddenly some older teens playing a slot machine game started yelling and cheering and a very loud bell and whistle went off. "Yeah! I won the jackpot!" one lucky boy whooped. David went to cover Rumple's ears. But the loud noise woke the child, who was sensitive to such things.

"Whaaaa was that?" Rumple sat up, whining.

"Those jerks!" Regina growled.

Rumple blinked, disorientated and cranky. "Make it stop!' he whimpered.

Regina fixed her angry gaze on the machines and the boys. Zippers appeared on the boys' mouths.

The machines themselves went silent.

Rumple yawned. "That's better." He wriggled a little. "I gotta go potty."

"Okay, let''s go. We'll be right back," he said to Snow.

Snow nodded, still trying to win the pony. "Guys, stay here by me." She was so intent upon the crane that she hadn't noticed what Regina had done.

"You gonna do it again if she can't get the pony?" hissed Killian.

Regina nodded affirmatively. "Yeah, if I gotta."

Belle looked back at the boys who were trying to unzip their mouths. "How long's those kids gonna be like that?"

Regina shrugged. "However long I feel like it." She smirked.

"You're gonna get in trouble," Belle warned.

"Only if you tell."

"You should be glad, they woke Rumple up." Regina pointed out.

Belle sighed. "I know but . . . you shouldn't do magic where people can see . . ."

"No one saw."

Snow growled at the crane machine. "Darn it! It keeps dropping every time I pick it up! This machine's rigged!"

"Cheap piece of junk!" Hook kicked the machine.

Regina waved her hand and the crane inside the machine glowed.

"Try again!" the little minx urged.

"Okay . . .but I'm telling you . . . it's rigged." She moved the crane again . . . and then it picked up the rainbow-maned pegasus and brought it to the prize chute. "I did it!"

Regina beamed and released the enchantment on the crane after it dropped the toy down. She hugged the Rainbow Dash pony to her. "Thanks, Snow!"

All the toddlers were so intent upon the machine that no one noticed a tall African American woman in a teal pant suit observing them from a nearby corner. Her eyes were fixed shrewdly upon the dark-haired former queen. "Magic!" she hissed. "That little brat used magic to win that toy!"

She took out her cell phone and started typing.

**Child magic users. You need to get here now!**

David walked up with Rumple. "So, anything exciting happen while we were gone?"

Killian held up his crocodile.

"Thought they scared you," muttered Rumple.

"This one's not scary. It's stuffed."

Regina waved her Rainbow Dash. "I gots a pony!"

Belle looked sad. "I don't got anything."

"I'll get you something," vowed Rumple.

"I wanna purple pony-the flying unicorn one called Twilight Sparkle. She's the magical pony."

"I don't see one in there," Regina peered into the machine.

Rumple studied the machine. "There's one . . .only it's buried under three other ones."

Belle groaned. "I know. We ain't never gonna get it."

"Aww, crap! Dumb butt machine!" Killian muttered.

"Yeah you can," murmured Regina. She whispered in Rumple's ear.

Rumple smirked. "I can do it! Watch me!" He magicked the crane . . . and it glowed briefly, then he pushed two buttons in a row. The crane zipped over to the pile of ponies . . . and picked up FIVE at once, then dropped them all into the chute!

"Go, Rumple!" Regina applauded.

Rumple beamed. "See? I toldja I could win it!" He handed Twilight Sparkle to Belle. "Here, Belle. And you can pick another one, Regina."

Regina picked out a black unicorn with a purple mane and a crescent moon on her flank. "Thanks, Rumple."

"That's Princess Luna," Belle said, having watched the show.

"I like her. Who else you got?"

Then Belle picked the other unicorn, a white one with a purple mane and tail. "And this's Rarity."

Rumple held out a yellow one with apples on it. "This's Applejack."

"Oooh, I want that one!" cried the small witch.

"Here." He handed her the dark gold one. Then he held the last one out to Belle. "Here, Belle." It was a yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tail.

"Yay! Fluttershy!" Belle hugged the pony to her.

"How 'bout you, mate?" asked Killian.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you ain't got something yet."

Rumple looked around. "I dunno what I want."

"How about those dragons over in that machine?" Belle suggested. She pointed to some purple and blue dragons in the next machine.

"Yeah I want a blue one," Rumple said.

Snow smiled. "I would try to get one, but you're better than I am, Rumple. You got FIVE at once."

The children all grinned.

"Let's do it again." Rumple cried.

"I wanna try and win it for you!" Belle said eagerly.

"Okay. Go ahead." Rumple urged.

Belle started navigating the crane until it was directly over the blue plush dragon. When she lowered the crane it caught the dragon about the neck. She pulled it up and the toy dropped back down on the pile.

"Crap!" swore Killian.

She put another coin in the slot and tried again.

Regina sighed. Then she waved her hand again. "Go Belle!"

This time the crane picked up the blue dragon with the purple eyes and dragged it into the chute!

Rumple clapped. "Yay, Belle!"

He winked at Regina. Snow was right, the machines were fixed so you wasted money . . . but he'd shown them! Nobody cheated him!

The woman glared at the group of toddlers.

"Another one!" she growled and started typing again.

Her phone beeped with a text massage.

**Keep them in sight. On my way.**

"Hurry," the woman hissed. She hated magic users and wanted them all eradicated from the face of the earth. They were nothing but trouble-unnatural little beasts, aberrations of genetics that should have been smothered at birth.

And now they had the faces of children.

She smiled coldly as she watched the blue-eyed girl hand the little cripple the blue dragon and hug him. Soon there would be a reckoning . . .

**A/N: Thanks everyone for all your wonderful comments and everything! I know . . . evil cliffy! Who thinks they know what's going to happen next? And if you like AU Rumbelle stories, check out my new one shot In Her Eyes, for a different take on the end of the season Rumbelle wedding night.**


	20. The Society for Benevolent Studies

**20**

**The Society of Benevolent Studies of Genetic Anomalies**

Tamara Dacouer was a scientist. One of the best in her field, her PHD earned in the school of hard knocks. As a child she wanted to believe magic existed...after all...that was what the movies and books led her to believe. Until the day she learned her Nana was terminally ill.

One day her mother came home with news that seemed to be a spark of hope for her family. There was a man who was said to be able to cure any illness

Her father was firmly against it...he'd been told by the doctors his mother's cancer had progressed to the point where none of the treatments would be effective but her mother believed this man was their last hope...only it would come at a steep price.

His name was Amadeus. They'd heard whispers about him...that he was involved in the occult and her father wanted nothing to do with anyone who was rumored to traffic with the devil but her mother, wanting to make her husband happy by saving his mother, was not afraid.

She was also desperate to save her mother-in-law, who was like her own mother to her. And if science failed maybe magic would not.

She spoke with him at length and set up an appointment to go to his shop, where he sold charms and potions to needy people. It was in a rather seedy section of town, but beggars couldn't be choosers and so she brought Nana and Tamara with her.

It had been a fairly uneventful week for Amadeus. In his homeworld, desperate souls were a plenty but in this one, they were much harder to come by thanks to modern science and technology.

He thought once he crossed through the portal that it was his for the taking but he was wrong. Magic was different in this land..unpredictable and many of his spells and potions were useless

Even the dagger of the Dark One, that he longed to possess would not work here.

But alas it was now in the hands of a former coward and spinner named Rumplestiltskin and the bastard never left it out of his sight.

But he did discover that ritual magic allowed him to steal the life forces of others, and prolong his own youth and power. And he could do so with certain charms that were made to gradually suck the life out of the wearer . . .all the while making the wearer think he was curing them. The scam worked beautifully.

And on this particular day one was ready for the taking.

And two more could be obtained...if he played his cards right.

The child's would be the strongest of the three...no life force was stronger than that of an innocent child. Not even a virgin's. He listened to the woman weave her tale, his face a mask of false sincerity.

In a box under the counter were three charms that would work well with this case.

The life force of the weakest would be harnessed first...then the mother..then at last...the child. Their energy would sustain him for at least a century.

Who needed a dagger then?

He laughed as he thought of the spinner, needing a dagger to have power and immortality. Fool.

"But of course I shall help you, my dear!" he painted a fake smile on his face. "I try and help all those in need. Here are three charms which will aid you in beating back this awful disease!" He reached beneath the counter and took out three charms. "These will help you regain your strength, madam. Wear it and it shall give you your youth back . . . and have your family wear these as well. They can think lovely healing thoughts and send energy to you with them, for we are all connected in the great circle of life." He laid the patter on thick, then he went in for the kill. "But remember . . . all magic comes with a price."

Tamara's mother gasped. "I will pay anything to heal my mama . . . anything! Name it!"

Amadeus grinned. _Of course you will . . .and you shall . . .you stupid bitch!_ he thought, concealing a triumphant smirk.

Amadeus thought for a moment and named his price. It was all of the money they had in their life savings...and Tamara's college fund. But if Wilma survived, it would be worth it...well worth it. They would make up the lost funds by taking extra hours at work.

And Matthew would be so happy his mama was saved. Like many a desperate soul before her, Azalea agreed to the price without really thinking about it . . . or the repercussions if the cure didn't work.

"You're sure this is gonna save my nana?" Tamara asked hopefully.

"My charms have cured a hundred like her, little lady," he assured her.

She wanted to believe him but there was something about him that scared her. He reminded her of Baron Samedi. Her Nana was Haitian by birth and schooled her grandchild well in Voodoo legends.

Wilma had given up her voodoo beliefs when she married Matthew's father, a devote Catholic.

Tamara had been fascinated by the history of Haitian Voodoo but was warned often by her grandmother that many today used it for evil and not good. Still she loved her Nana more than anything and wanted to help her.

She was willing to set her fears aside for Wilma's sake. Now, years later, she remembered well the cost of her ignorance.

Her father, a renowned geneticist and pioneer in magnetic technology in detecting genetic mutations had never believed in all that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo . . . and he had been right ...at the cost of his very sanity. Forced to watch helplessly as his mother and wife rotted away before his very eyes, victims of the dark magic worked upon them through the charms by Amadeus.

With each passing day he descended further into madness until there was nothing left of him but a brilliant mind shattered, his work once praised now the subject of ridicule.

Tamara, scared to death of what happened to her mom and Nana, refused to wear her charm, throwing it away instead . . . and so escaped Amadeus' little trap.

But the seeds of revenge had been planted,and it was the knowledge she'd gleaned from her brilliant father that would make them grow, until at last she'd discovered the means to rid the earth of all magical beings, starting with the one who destroyed her family.

And in their memory she continued her crusade, hunting down any magical beings she found and destroying them, for they were abominations that needed to be wiped out.

The way a gardner pulled weeds or a doctor cut out gangrene, she would root out the magical infestation polluting the human race . . . and eradicate it.

And during her travels she found she was not alone. There were dozens like her, their lives torn apart by magic, believing they would never have their justice.

But she would give it to them. She asked for nothing more than their undying loyalty to her and to the cause.

And let all magic users fear...for they would show no mercy.

There was no mission more dear to her heart than the one she was on for her husband.

His birth name was Owen Flynn. Years ago he and his father were travelling across the country when they came across a town not on the map in Montana. During their stay they saw many unusual things...people being able to vanish and reappear at well...objects floating around in the air, objects appearing out of nowhere...strange light and smoke.

His father was terrified, fearing they'd been living in an alien town and attempted to flee.

He was captured by the local police but the boy managed to escape to a nearby police station only when they returned, the town and everyone in it was gone, nothing but a long stretch woods in its place.

For years he believed he had been living in an alien colony until a friend of his suggested he speak to Tamara and based on his information they realized what he'd discovered was a mage community...one they could now locate with modern technology.

The community had been relocated to South Carolina. They entered the town as tourists, kept a low profile until they discovered the core of its power. It was a small rock in the shape of a pyramid and with one hard swing of a pickaxe the stone shattered, removing all the magic in the town, effectively destroying it and killing all those who inhabited it.

But before they did, they tortured everyone they could and learned of his father's death.

And by destroying that town and its unholy dwellers her husband had his revenge.

Now it seemed that these demons were starting early in life and the readings she was given from their radars were higher than any she'd ever encountered before. This town was stronger than the others but it too would fall.

The four children congratulated each other on winning the prizes out of the crane machine, and then Regina removed the zippers from the mouths of the annoying teenagers and skipped out of the arcade holding her three MY Little Ponies in her hand.

"Where would you like to go next?" asked Snow.

"Uh . . .the carousel!" chorused Rumple and Belle.

"A rollercoaster!" argued Hook.

"I'm hungry!" Regina stated.

"All right, so do we want to eat before we go on rides?" asked Charming.

"Nah. We can wait," said Hook.

"Okay."

Regina looked disgruntled at that, but then she brightened when Belle handed her the bag of pretzels she had saved. "Thanks!"

"You're welcome," said the small librarian. She had been saving them for Rumple, but the little mage didn't seem hungry and Regina was, so she offered them to the other girl.

Regina hungrily ate the pretzel nuggets as they walked over to the carousel. Snow handed the ride manager some tickets and went on the carousel with Rumple and Belle.

Belle scampered over to a pink painted giraffe and cried, "I wanna ride this one!"

Snow picked her up and put her on it, and then Rumple pointed to a pretty black horse with a purple mane and tail next to Belle's. "I want to go on this one, Snow!"

"Okay, sweetie!" she lifted him up and put him on the horse, making sure both children had their safety belts buckled. Then she climbed upon a pink flamingo and sat down behind them.

As the ride started, Tamara leaned against a painted pillar and observed them with hardened eyes.

A few yards away, David took Killian and Regina on the kiddie coaster. To his relief, he actually liked this ride because it didn't whirl him around and around like a top. As they went around the little hills and valleys, Hook and Regina yelled and waved their hands happily.

Meanwhile, on the carousel, Rumple reached out to Belle and held her had as the animals went up and down and around in time to the light-hearted music.

"This is fun!" Belle giggled as she held Rumple's hand in hers.

"Yeah . . .I like it!" agreed the small boy, smiling winsomely at her.

Snow chuckled as she watched them and took out her phone and snapped a picture. They were so adorable together, she couldn't resist. Then she hoped Gold didn't turn her into a bug when he was grown and saw it.

Tamara crossed her arms over her chest and kept an eye on the magic using little monsters while awaiting Greg's arrival.

"Where are they?" Tamara heard her husband ask from behind her.

She pointed toward the carousel with the boy and girl. "The boy is one of them."

"The girl?"

Tamara shook her head. "There is another girl in the group who uses magic. We'll have to take them all ."

After riding the kiddie coaster another three times, David decided they needed to get some lunch, and he took Regina and Killian back over to the carousel where they met Snow and the other children. "There's a stand over there that sells hot dogs, chicken nuggets, and funnel cakes." he pointed to it.

"Chicken nuggets...cool!" Regina clapped.

"What's a funnel cake?" asked Killian.

"It's a big crispy fried dough thing with powdered sugar on it." Rumple told him.

"Like a big dunkin' doughnut?" guessed Killian.

Rumple nodded. "Yup. Henry tol' me about them."

"They any good?" asked Killian.

"Henry said they were delicious. I can't wait to eat one." The small sorcerer said.

"I wanna try one." Killian cried.

Belle smiled. "Me too they sound good!"

Regina sighed. "They don't gots apples in 'em."

"But I think they've gots apple fritters too somewhere." Rumple mused.

Belle looked up at the board across from them."They've got fried Oreos."

"I wanna apple fritter," whined Regina.

"Fried Oreos...gross!" Killian frowned. "What they fry 'em in...oil...yuck?"

"No . . . Henry said they're soo good. You dip 'em in the funnel cake batter and then you fry 'em till they're golden and it's like eating a cake with an Oreo in the middle . . .mmmm!" Rumple licked his lips.

"I'll try it but if I puke I'm kickin' your butt," warned the pirate.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right . . ."

Belle scowled at him. "You hurt Rumple and I'll kick your nuts!"

"And then Bae will beat your butt, Killian." Regina predicted.

"But I don't wanna puke!" Killian groaned.

"If you feel sick after you eat it, tell me and I'll heal you . . . Jeez Louise, Jones!" Rumple rolled his eyes.

"Okay.. you promise?" Killian asked.

"Deal . . . and I never break deals, dearie." He shook Killian's hand.

Killian tugged on Charming's sleeve. "David, I want chicken nuggets an' a funnel cake an' fried Oreos."

David looked down at him. "You eat all that, buddy, and you WILL puke. How about you get nuggets and some Oreos and let me get the funnel cake and share some with you?"

"Kay."

Rumple eyed Belle. "I can share my funnel cake with you, Belle."

Belle grinned. "Oh goodie...and I'll share Oreos."

"You wanna share a funnel cake with me, Snow?" asked Regina wistfully.

"Sure . . . or we can share an apple fritter . . . I like apples too." Snow agreed.

"Oohhh, I wanna apple fritter," squealed the little girl.

"Me too. And they happen to have some at the same place where they have the funnel cakes and fried Oreos." She pointed to the sign. "See?"

"Yay, let's go!"

Snow grabbed her hand before she could run over to the booth. "Hold it, imp! You need to eat real food first! So who wants chicken nuggets?"

" I do," Regina sang.

"I do too. I like mine with BBQ sauce." Rumple said.

"I'll have mine with buffalo sauce," Killian declared.

Regina whistled. "Wow...your mouth's gonna burn!"

"Yeah, that stuff would make me puke . . .it's too hot," said Rumple.

"Nuh uh...you mix it with ranch an' it's not as hot," Killian disagreed.

Belle made a face. "Ick! I want a hot dog with mustard."

"You'd better not eat too much of that sauce, Killian . . . else you'll get diarrhea." Rumple warned.

"Not gonna be like the Lost Boys," He grinned.

"Not unless you drink senna tea," Rumple smirked right back. "Like my papa."

"I don't think I want to know," David said to Snow.

"Neither do I. But how on earth do you know about senna tea, Rumple?"

"Cuz Lizabeth, the spinner lady I usta live with, taught me 'bout herbs." Rumple explained. "People came to her when they were sick an' she healed them. I watched her an' she showed me what herbs were good for things."

Snow was quite impressed. "And you remembered all that at your age?"

"Yeah . . .I've got a good memory," he said shyly.

She ruffled his hair. "I guess I know who to ask when I'm under the weather."

Not far away, a couple watched them, waiting for just the right moment to strike.

Rumple grinned. " 'Cept I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies," he giggled.

Snow laughed. "It's been a long time since I have."

"Okay . . . let's go eat . . . I'm starving!" Regina hooted.

"Uh oh. The queen has spoken!" David coughed.

Tamara nodded at Greg. He would handle the man, she the woman. In their pockets they both had tazers they would use to immobilize the adults.

As the group turned to make their way through the crowd towards the concession stand, Tamara walked up casually behind Snow and banged into her. "Oops!" she said, and then jabbed her with the tazer. "Nighty night, sleeping beauty!"

At the same time Greg nailed Charming in the back with his tazer, growling, "Sleep tight, jackass!"

As the two adults fell to the ground stunned, Tamara grabbed Rumple and shoved a leather bracer on his little wrist. "There, you little monster!"

Greg did the same to Regina.

"You leave him alone!" Belle yelled. She kicked at the woman with her foot.

Shoving the squirming Rumple under one arm, Tamara picked up Belle by the collar and snarled, "Try that again and I'll kill you! Or worse . . . I'll kill this little maggot here!"

Belle looked down at Rumple, terrified and unsure of what to do.

"Who are you guys? Why are you doing this?" Rumple cried.

"Shut up, you demon spawn!" ordered Tamara.

"We ain't demon spawn, you bitch!" Regina snapped. She prepared to cast a spell at Tamara.

Tamara laughed. "Nice try, witch."

" Huh?" She stared down at the cuff on her wrist. "My magic . . . Rumple, my magic's _gone_!" Scared, she started to cry.

"You jerks!" Killian kneeled down and bit Greg's leg, hard.

"Oww! The fucker bit me!" He smacked the child and knocked him down. "That'll teach you!"

Tamara scowled. "Now. This is how it's going to be. You're coming with us and if you do anything, and I mean anything else out of line...these two die. Understand?"

Sniffling, Killian picked himself up. There was a red mark on his cheek. "O-okay . . ." But he wanted to kick Greg's nuts down his throat.

Tamara pulled a gun out of her coat. "Move...now!"

Belle shivered. "You gots a gun . . .but why do you wann hurt us? We never did anything to you!" Her huge blue eyes filled with tears as she was carried away from Snow and David, who were left lying on the ground like some discarded trash.

"You be quiet or I'll make you be quiet!" growled the tall woman.

Rumple looked up at Belle. "Crazy bitch!" he mouthed to her. But he knew better than to fight right then . . . he sensed here was another like his papa . . . cold and cruel and willing to cause pain if she felt she needed to.

Killian was seething with rage, wishing he had teeth like a crocodile and could've bitten this man's leg off or stabbed him with his hook.

Regina wanted to set Tamara's butt on fire, but the cuff made her feel lethargic and prevented her from using her powers. She dragged her feet a little as Greg pulled her along.

"Quit dragging your feet!" Greg snapped.

"I can't keep up with you," whined Regina.

Greg picked her up then. As they went by, a lady stared at him and she said, "Kids! They never wanna go home!"

"No, but they've all had a busy day and they'll have a nice long nap, won't you, kids?" he added menacingly.

They all nodded miserably. Hook pouted and muttered, "I hate naps!"

It was good to see the one handed brat was smart enough to play along as were the rest of them.

Then Belle twisted in Tamara's grasp and cried, "Mommy, I see some people lying on the ground! I think they're hurt! We need to call 911! It was all she could think of to help Snow and David. If they were awake, they could tell Emma and Bae what happened.

Tamara looked concerned. "Would you be a dear and give them a call for me, please. My son is not feeling well and I really should get him home." She indicated Rumple.

The lady nodded and following where Belle had pointed, rushed over to where the two were lying, pulling out her cell as she did so. Tamara and Greg quickly exited Pleasure Island by using one of the employee exits.

Unknown to them, they were spotted by August, who was coming out of the employee break room . . . and he recognized Tamara from years ago, back when he was in East Asia in Bangkok.

August gasped. "Oh my God!"

Tamara spun and snarled, "You keep out of this, Booth, or I'll make you wish you'd kept your mouth shut, you rotten thief! I'll make sure you're arrested for stealing my money!"

August blanched. "They're kids, you crazy bitch!"

"So what? They're abominations who'll grow up to be magical freaks! I can have Interpol here in a seconds . . . and I'm sure they can dig up plenty of dirt on you, puppet boy!" she laughed coldly.

The bitter reality was that she was well connected enough to carry out her threat.

And August knew it, there were several skeletons in his past closet that were bad enough to put him away for years . . . and his papa would never live down the shame of some of the things he had done.

Then too he was afraid if he tried anything, she would hurt the kids . . . and he couldn't risk that. Sirens blared in the distance as the ambulance came from Storybrooke General.

So he made his choice, one that he knew he would later regret.

"Help us, mate!" cried Killian desperately.

August shook his head, his eyes filled with regret. "I'm sorry-I can't . . ."

Tamara laughed mockingly. "You always were a coward, Booth! Let's go, Greg!"

Rumple glanced back at him. "If you can't- find Bae . . .he can!"

August listened attentively to the young Rumple's words and realized what he had to do.

"Shut up, brat!" Tamara smacked Rumple across the face.

August was already gone and in search of Baelfire...and Emma Swan.

Rumple's lower lip quivered, but he refused to cry in front of this woman bully. Besides, he'd had worse from Pan . . . a lot worse.

Tamara shoved him ahead of her. "In the car...move!"

They all climbed in the unmarked black sedan and Tamara got behind the wheel as Greg shut the door and climbed into the passenger seat. As they pulled out of the parking lot, an ambulance pulled up and two paramedics with stretchers got out.

The children were relieved Snow and David would have the help they needed but now they were all afraid of what was going to happen to them.

Belle snuggled up to Rumple and whispered, "Rumple, does your face hurt?"

Rumple whispered honestly, "A little."

"M'sorry!" Then she kissed his cheek.

He smiled. "Feels a litter better now. You okay Regina? Killian?"

Regina yawned. "M'sleepy. N'hungry."

"My knee hurts a bit from when that dick knocked me down," the dark haired boy admitted, rubbing his leg.

"Sorry I can't fix it, but . . . Regina's right, something's blocking my magic." He shook the cuff but found he couldn't remove it even when he tugged on it.

"S'okay, mate."

"M'sleepy too . . ." He glared at the front seat and hissed, "Who the hell ARE these buttholes?"

Killian shrugged. "I dunno but we need to find a way to kick their butts!"

"Quiet down back there!" Tamara ordered.

Belle shivered. "They's bad people."

Regina smirked. "I know what we can do...we can drive them really crazy."

"How?" whispered Rumple.

Regina whined. "Are wee there yet?"

"Yeah, are we? I'm gonna puke . . . aarrgghh . . ." Killian groaned realistically. "My tummy hurts!"

"Be careful they look really mean," Belle warned.

Greg turned around and glared at them. "Are you serious, kid? What'd you eat anyway?"

Rumple spoke up. "I gotta go potty!"

"Dammit! I don't believe this!" swore the scientist angrily.

"I'm thirsty!" Belle whined.

" When you gotta go, you gotta go or do ya wanna clean up pee?" queried the dark-haired sorceress.

"And I reeeellly have to puke!" sobbed Killian.

"Jesus Christ, better pull over!" Greg cried.

"I gotta go reaally bad, mister!" whimpered Rumple.

"Are you kidding me? We have another hour's drive yet," she groaned.

"Well, I'm not cleaning up puke and piss...pull over!" Greg snapped.

"Fucking kids!" the scientist slammed her hand down on the steering wheel.

Well, you asked for it when you kidnapped us, Regina thought angrily.

"You said a bad word. You're gonna get your mouth washed with Ivory!" Rumple hooted.

Tamara snorted. "Oh yeah? By who? You-you little pissant?"

"Uh huh..when I get my magic back and I'll really make you pay," Rumple threatened.

"Well, that ain't gonna happen, Mr. Wizard! Cause we're going to show you what happens to bad little boys who play with magic . . ." she chuckled darkly.

"We's not bad...you are!" Regina said.

"All of you are evil brats who belong in hell . . . and don't you forget it! Tamara, pull over before these snots ruin my new Mercury!" her husband glared at her.

"Fucking hell..." Tamara was incensed.

"I'm gonna pee on the floor . . ." moaned Rumple.

Tamara nearly spit. "Do it you smartassed little shit and I'll tan your butt raw!"

Rumple sniffled. "But . . . I can't help it . . .!"

"Lord, will you just pull over!" muttered Greg.

" All right, hold your horses!" She pulled into the parking lot of a gas station. "Take the pissant and his one handed friend to the bathroom. You two, come with me." Tamara ordered as they got out of the car.

"Okay. C'mon, guys." He ushered the two boys out of the car. He took them inside to ask the gas station attendant for the key to the men's room. After getting the key, the two followed Greg over to the restroom. Rumple tore off a strip of his shirt and tossed it on the ground, hoping someone would find the "clue" and show it to Emma or Bae.

In the store, Regina decided to annoy their captor by picking up the most expensive snack items she could find and the most expensive drinks.

Meanwhile Belle knew they had to leave some sort of clue for Emma and Bae to find them but since Tamara kept a tight hold on her hand she was not sure what to do.

Tamara just hustled them up to the counter without looking at what the child had in her hands, furious at the delay. As she went to put the snacks and drinks on the counter, Belle bumped into her arm, knocking the contents of her purse on the floor.

"Oops! Sorry! I'll help pick them up!" Belle looked scared to death, even though she had deliberately bumped Tamara's arm.

Tamara snarled, "Clumsy idiot!"

The attendant frowned, not liking how this woman spoke to the child. "Hey, lady, relax . . it was a accident!"

"She's . . . always doing things like this!" Tamara said irritably, giving Belle a distasteful look.

"She's a kid . . . it's normal."

As Belle knelt to pick up the spilled items, she saw a little business card and a pen.

Regina, noticing Belle was about to write something, spilled her drink to distract Tamara. Orange juice splattered all over the floor.

Tamara hit herself in the forehead. "God, you too? What are you, retarded?"

Regina cringed. "M'sorry!'

The clerk, knowing this was a rough section of town, started to get suspicious.

The little girls seemed terrified of their adult companion and rightfully so. She obviously had no patience with them and was even nasty to them.

She pressed a button under the counter to alert the store's security company.

Normally they would call down over the intercom to ask how everyone was but when the button was activated, they would begin recording. And dispatch the police if needed.

Belle finished writing on the back of the card. . . which read The Benevolent Society for the Study of Genetic Anomalies. She had written **Help! We've been kidnapped! Call Sheriff Swan** and then she'd written Emma's cell, which Henry had made her memorize.

The clerk wanted to do something but she also suspected the woman was armed and she'd been held up once before on the overnight shift and still had issues with it.

Under cover of getting the pen which had rolled under the counter, Belle shoved the card under it and it landed by the clerk's foot.

Tamara paid for their purchases and ushered the two girls out of the store to the car where greg waited with the boys. The clerk attempted to get the license plate of the vehicle but she could not see it. The cameras, however could since they got shots of the plates for drive off control.

As the car sped away the phone rang in the store.

"We've just gotten your signal. Do you need the police there?"

"Yes." the clerk answered, noticing something under her foot. She picked up a business card with a child's writing on the back saying help along with a phone number. "The two little girls who werte just in here are being abducted."

"We'll get them over there right away!"

"Thanks." The clerk hung up the phone and ran back to the cooler. "Jen, you better get out here and bring up the recording on the computer...we just had a woman come in here with two girls she's kidnapped!"

And in the car, the children were somewhat relieved that they were able to send a message that they were in trouble.

The children fell asleep as Tamara drove for another hour to Boston and an abandoned laboratory she and Greg owned through their fake society . . . to do research on genetic anomalies.

In reality they had used the lab to create the machines which located a mage's magical signature and also the cuff which used magnetic resonance technology which Tamara's father had pioneered to bind a mage's power.

For some unknown reason a strong magnetic field seemed to interrupt the flow of magical energy.

Tamara had discovered that when she had captured a adult mage and tortured him, gaining enough knowledge to create restraining cuffs.

They carried the sleeping children to the ward where they kept their prisoners.

Along with the cuffs, a variety of tranquilizers and sedatives were used to keep them under control and prevent them from escaping. The ward was unoccupied now.

They placed the children on separate cots and locked the door to the ward behind them.

"Let's go take a shower, hon," Greg said, giving his wife a suggestive look. "When the monsters wake up we can start our . . . experiments . . ."

She smiled, anticipating the experiments more than her husband's half assed attempts to be sexy.

It wasn't that she didn't love him, she did, but she didn't like distractions when she had work to do.

She couldn't wait to begin.

Back in Storybrooke, August drove like a bat out of hell on his Harley over to the police station. but upon going over to it, he found it was locked and no cars were in the lot! "Damn!" He swore.

He hopped on his bike and just as he was about to gun the engine, a passerby said, "You looking for Sheriff Swan?"

August nodded. "Yeah and Baelfire."

"They're over at the convent."

August smiled. "Thank you!"

He gunned the engine and raced over to the convent praying he would be able to help Bae and Emma rescue those poor kids in time. For Tamara was crazy and there was no telling what she would do.

Emma and Nova were in the library pouring over every book the Blue Fairy kept on all forms of magic.

It was no surprise to Emma that she'd hidden many of them away from the other fairies to prevent them from learning more about their own magic.

While the ladies were searching the library, Bae was in the office, going through papers in Blue's filing cabinet after picking the lock on it.

He was about to open a note on dark magic and curses when he heard a commotion in the hallway.

Bae looked up from the note he was reading as a frazzled looking August burst into the office. "Something wrong, August?"

"Your...your father..." He could barely get the words out because he was terrified of what Bae would do when he found out August hadn't prevented him from being taken.

"What is it? What's happened to my father? Is he hurt?" asked Bae, his eyes filled with concern.

August gulped. "He...he's been kidnapped!"

Bae almost passed out. "WHAT? How the hell did that happen? Where were Snow and David?"

"They were tazed..."

"By who? What aren't you telling me, Booth?" demanded Bae sharply.

"Ummm...well...her name is Tamara and I...met her a while ago in Asia...she's a razy bitch. Hates all magic users. Hates them with a passion. She..uhhhh...killed one I knew named the Dragon..." August closed his eyes.

"Dear God! And she's got my papa . . . what about the rest of them?" Bae felt as if he'd been suckered punched in the gut.

"She took them with her."

Bae slammed his hand down on the desk. "Shit! And where were you while they were being taken away? Smokin a joint?"

August shuffled his feet, looking like a child scolded by a stern parent. "I wanted to do something! I really did...but uhhh...she's got stuff on me that I really didn't want my papa to find out. It'd break his heart."

"Christ, August!" He ran a hand through his hair. He was mad as hell, but at the same time he couldn't really blame the other man. He had things in his past he was ashamed of too, and he dreaded Rumple ever finding some of them out. "Ahh . . . hell! I'll kick your ass later. C'mon, let's go find Emma, she's in the library."

Emma closed another book and tossed it aside in frustration hoping Neal had better luck in Blue's office.

She glanced up as the library door swung open and Neal and August came running into the room. "Where's the fire?" she joked.

"My papa...he's been kidnapped!" her boyfriend blurted.

"Holy hells! When did this happen?"

She glanced around. "Nova? Is Blue still in her room?"

August shook her head. "It wasn't her."

Emma frowned. "Then who?"

He repeated when he knew about Tamara, omitting some of the details about his own run in with her. "She is a crazy bitch...and there's no telling what she'll do with him and Regina."

Emma went pale. "Lord! We need to find them fast! Do you have any idea where they might have gone?" No sooner had the words left her mouth than her cell began to ring.

It was the clerk from the gas station. She related the details of her encounter with the children and their kidnapper at the gas station. She also told her that she'd called her local police and they were looking for the children.

"We're on our way, thank you!" Emma said, and hung up. "We've got a lead on them, Neal. Now, let's get our asses in gear and get those kids back."


	21. Hide In Plain Sight

**21**

**Hide In Plain Sight**

"Bae!...Bae…where are you?" Rumple cried out fearfully. He sat up on his cot and looked around, terrified when he realized he was not in Emma and Bae's apartment anymore.

Belle, asleep on her cot, awoke immediately upon hearing his terrified voice. She jumped off her cot and climbed into his, throwing her arms around him. "It's gonna be okay Rumple. It's gonna be okay," she crooned. "Bae's gonna find us….and so is Emma."

"I wanna go home," he wailed. "M'tired of people trying to hurt me an' saying I'm bad. I'm not bad. Why's everybody think I'm bad?"

"I don't think you're bad," Belle said softly.

"But my papa thought I'm bad….and these people think I'm bad."

"You're not bad!" Belle insisted. "And they're all stupid."

"Whassa matter with Rumple?" Killian asked sleepily. He sat up in his cot and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes then looked over at Rumple's cot, frowning when he saw Belle holding onto to him. "You have a bad dream mate?"

"No…just wanna go home."

"Me too," Regina mumbled from her own cot. "These people are really nuts."

"We gotta get outta here. You sure you can't do any magic?" Killian asked Rumple.

Both he and Regina shook their heads. "And we can't get these stupid things off," Rumple grumbled and attempted to remove the cuff but it wouldn't budge.

"Hopefully that lady at the gas station called Emma and Bae and they're on their way here," Belle said.

Rumple took his cap off and held it, wishing it would work but without his magic, all it could be was a ballcap he'd made out of Bae's prized shawl. Still it brought him some comfort.

"This place looks like the rooms they got in the nuthouse," Regina mused pointing at the leather straps on the cots there were sleeping in. "They use these thingies to keep you from getting outta bed."

"That's cruel! How you supposed to go to the potty?" asked Belle.

"Dunno…and they don't care either," answered the former queen.

"So we really gotta think because if we don't get out of here, those people are gonna do something bad to Regina and me," Rumple reminded the others.

"You can't give up believing Bae will find us Rumple," Belle cried.

"I'm not but he doesn't know where we are."

Belle smiled. "But he can find out."

"How?" Killian inquired.

"When I made that lady spill her purse she had a card in it…you know…kinda like those business cards and if this place is where she works, he'll look here first."

"Then Emma can underarrest them," Regina said gleefully.

"Yeah…and maybe they'll let us kick their butts." Killian added.

"Somebody's coming," Rumple warned, hearing footsteps in the hall.

The children lay back down in their beds, pretending to be asleep, Killian making snoring noises while the others tried not to laugh. They heard a key turn in the lock and Greg walked into the room. "Naptime's over. Wake up!" he yelled.

Four groans were heard from the cots while the children pretended to wake up.

"Come on, come on, we don't have all day!" Greg demanded impatiently and clapped his hands. "Christ, you're slower than Christmas!"

"Oh yeah, well how fast are you at getting up in the morning, huh?" Regina asked. The others tittered.

"Don't we think we're a comedian?" He tossed a medical gown at her and another at Rumple. "You two-get changed into those."

Rumple wrinkled his nose in disgust at the unpleasant odor coming from the gown he was given. "This stinks like pee. I'm not wearin' it!" he said defiantly and threw it on the floor. "Can't you at least give me something clean?"

Greg grabbed him by the collar and held him up. "Who do you think you're talking to, you little smartass!" he hollered, shaking him. "You're nothing but the spawn of the devil, you and that little bitch over there and you belong in hell with the rest of them!"

"Let him go!" Belle screamed and ran over to them, swinging her little fist and delivering a painful blow right to the man's groin. He dropped Rumple and doubled over in pain. Killian seized his opportunity and inflected more damage with hard kicks while Greg was down.

Rumple sat on the floor holding his head where he bumped it. "M'sorry!" Belle wailed when she threw her arms around Rumple. "I didn't want you to get hurt. I just wanted him to let you go."

"S'okay," he said softly. "YEAH! Let him have it Killian!" he cheered.

"You….miserable…little fucking brats!" Greg panted. He couldn't believe a little girl had the nerve to punch him there. She was as evil as the other two and so was the one handed little freak who was trying to kick his balls up into his throat. Then the other little devil's spawn girl managed to get the leather straps off one of the cots and was using them to tie him up.

"Kick 'em when they're up

Kick 'em when they're down

Kick 'em when they're stiff

Kick 'em all around!" Killian sang and laughed.

"What're you singing?" Rumple asked curiously.

"Heard Neal listening to it….called Dirty Laundry and by some guy named Don Henley." he answered.

"Rumple….I gots his keys!" Regina cried triumphantly, holding up a keychain with several keys on it.

_Where the HELL is Tamara_? Greg thought angrily. I'm being used as a human kickball while _she's screwing off_.

He tried to move but he was in so much pain all he could do was lie on the floor groaning . . . and vowing to kill the little brats when he found them again.

"Yay!" the others cheered. They ran out of the room and Regina tried all of the keys on the lock until she found the one that worked. They ran down the hall, not sure where they were going but it didn't matter. All they wanted to do was get out of this crazy place and back home where they belonged.

They raced to the end of the long hall and then Regina crept forward and peered around the corner. The other hall was illuminated by harsh bright lights, and white tiles were on the floor. The walls were painted a sky blue and there were several windows and doors along the right side.

"Which way do we go?" asked Belle.

Regina shrugged. "I dunno. Pick a way."

"That way!" cried Rumple, pointing to the right.

"Okay, coast's clear!" Regina called. "Let's go!"

They scurried down the hall. When they reached the end, they saw a door with a red Exit sign on it. Regina pushed it hard and it opened. They slipped through and ran down the stairs.

Once they opened that door, they found they were on a floor with carpet, one that looked much nicer than the one they'd left. There were thick padded blue couches and end tables across from the stairs and a tall desk which was empty save for a blinking computer screen.

"Now where?" asked Killian.

"This way!" Regina announced, and they went past the couches.

As they did so, Belle saw a familiar sign on a door. "Look! It's a potty!"

Killian sighed. "Ya gotta go?"

She shook her head. "No. But . . . we need soap . . ."

"Huh? How come?" asked Regina. "None of us swore."

"Or got dirty," Killian remarked.

The small bookworm sighed. "We don't need soap just for that."

"Then what do we need it for?" asked Regina impatiently.

"For those leather cuffs," Belle pointed at the one Regina had on.

"Whaddaya gonna do, wash 'em off?" Killian giggled.

"Don't make fun of her!" Rumple reproved. "What do you need the soap to do, Belle?"

"Get the cuffs off," she answered. "I saw it on TV with Emma. There was a commercial where this lady couldn't get a ring off her finger, it was stuck. An' this other lady took some dish soap and put it all over her finger and ran water over it and then it came off. So I figure we can do the same to the cuffs."

"Yeah!" Rumple agreed. "Make 'em slippery . . . and then we can get them off! Belle, that's brilliant!"

"So what are we waiting for?" Regina demanded, and pushed open the door to the restroom.

They all trooped inside.

Belle looked around. "Umm . . . Regina . . . this is the boys room."

The former mayor shrugged. "So? They gots sinks and soap, right?"

"Yup," agreed Killian and climbed up on a sink and began running the water. "And here's the soap." He indicated a dispenser.

Regina climbed up and squeezed soap all over her small hand and wrist, then she ran water over it, getting it all sudsy. "'Kay, Killian! Pull!"

Killian did. At first the cuff wouldn't budge. "Put more on!" he panted.

Regina did so, trying to get the soap under the cuff.

Killian tried again, and this time the cuff moved!

"Harder!" urged Regina.

"Use your hook!" Rumple cried.

So Killian hooked his hook on the end of the cuff and pulled with it.

The combination of soap, water, and tenacious toddler worked its magic, and suddenly Regina was free of the cuff.

"You did it!" the little queen cried. Then she hugged the small pirate and gave him a quick kiss of thanks on the cheek.

Rumple smirked. "Ooo! You kissed a boy! And you're not afraid you're gonna get cooties?"

"Nah. Killian don't have 'em," Regina said. "Now let's get yours off, Rumple."

She conjured soap on his little wrist and hand and then Belle pulled the cuff off, aided by some of Regina's magic. The little girl pulled so hard, she fell over backwards and landed on her behind, but the cuff came off.

"Yay, Belle!" cheered Regina, helping her up.

"You all right?" asked Rumple.

"I'm fine," she smiled at him. "Let's flush these down the potty."

Hook gave a delighted smirk. "And make a big mess!"

"You do the honors," Belle held out the cuff to Rumple, and the other to Regina.

Together the two kids flushed the cuffs down the toilets. Of course the cuffs clogged the toilets and they backed up and overflowed.

Regina giggled evilly as water spilled onto the floor. "Yeah! Now we gots to hide somewhere so's they can't find us."

They raced out the door as water flowed across the floor.

A few doors down they saw a large wooden door and pushed it open. It was a supply closet, with buckets and mops and floor cleaner.

"Oops! Wrong way!" Regina cried, and they turned to leave.

But then they heard the tap tap tap of Tamara's heels on the carpet.

The children froze.

"Quick! We gotta hide!" cried Hook.

"She'll see us!" sputtered Regina.

It was then Rumple recalled something Bae had told him earlier that day. He twirled his cane around and imagined them all safe and sound, hidden away from view.

And they suddenly vanished, hidden in plain sight inside the supply closet.

Just as Tamara strode down the hall, muttering about delays and hoping Greg had gotten the two demon spawned brats prepared for her experiments.

She walked right past the supply closet, and paused to shut the door.

She never noticed anything different, and she kept going. Then she saw the spreading stain on the carpet and opened the door to the men's room. "Aww, shit!" she yelped. "Greg! The damn toilet's overflowed!"

She turned and ran upstairs, cursing a blue streak.

"Phew!" gasped Killian. "That was close, mate!"

"Too close!" Belle agreed. "What do we do now?"

"Stay hidden," advised Rumple. "We don't know the way out . . . and running around will only let them find us if we don't know where we're going. So we stay here . . . and wait for Bae and Emma to find us."

"Okay . . ." Regina sighed, and sat down on the floor. Then she waved a hand and conjured some cushions for them to sit on. "There! That's better!" If they were gonna be stuck here in this closet, then at least they could be comfortable.

The others quickly followed suit.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma started to pull on her jacket and prepared to leave the convent when August said quietly, "Hold it. I want to come with you and help you get the kids back."

Emma frowned. "You're part of the reason they were kidnapped, Booth. Not to mention you and I don't have the greatest track record either."

August held up a hand. "Look, I know I . . .screwed up . . with you and with Neal. But please, let me make it up to you by coming along. I promise I won't do anything but what you say . . .and I think I can help because . . . see, I knew Tamara way back when. I was in Bangkok and she was there too . . .I thought she was there to get cured like I was . . . I was turning back into wood and I sought out a man named the Dragon, a powerful magic user, to help me. He helped a lot of people over there—people with terminal diseases and stuff . . .and he was going to give me a potion to prevent myself from turning back into wood . . ." August told them about how he had seen Tamara at a bar . . . and this wad of money that he thought might have been from running drugs . . . or selling slaves, since that was a big market over there. " . . . and I could just sense something . . . shady about her . . . she told the Dragon, I overheard her say it . . . she was broke and needed the cure for her sick granny . . . and yet there she was with over five thousand grand . . .so I snatched it from her . . ." He related how had given the money to the Dragon in exchange for a magic potion, but before he got a chance to use it, Tamara found him, shot him, and took the potion. She then went and killed the Dragon, destroying the only hope of those people who had come to him for cures.

"She's bad news . . . crazy like a fox . . .and she'll hurt those kids . . ."

"We already knew that, smart guy," Emma growled.

"Let me come with you . . .please?" August asked.

Emma looked at Neal. "You want him with us?"

Neal shrugged. "I'm not thrilled, but . . . it's always useful to have another pair of hands . . .but I don't trust you, August."

Emma nodded tightly. "Okay . . . you can come . . . after I settle one thing," she agreed. Then she drew back her fist and slugged the tall entrepreneur in the face.

August staggered backwards, one hand going to his lip. "Oww!" he yelped, as his fingers came away stained with blood. "I . . . think you broke my tooth!" he whimpered, spitting out a tooth into his hand. "Damn, you have a good right hook."

"You're lucky I didn't break your nose for framing me," Emma retorted. "And for running off with the money Neal gave you to give to me and reneging on your deal with him."

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" August winced, holding a tissue to his mouth.

"You deserved that and you know it," Neal stated. "And I owe you one too, Booth, for making me leave Emma by telling me it was for the best so she could fulfill her destiny. Who the hell even told you about me in the first place? I was gone long before your papa ever carved you."

August hung his head. "You're gonna hate me if I tell you, but . . . it was the Blue Fairy. She . . . she left me a blue journal before my papa sent me with Emma through the wardrobe. She told me not to open it until I was of age and I never did . . . then I read it and it told me all about the curse and how Emma was the savior and everything, including that you would be here as Neal Cassidy."

"How the hell did she know where I'd be? Or who I'd call myself?" Neal asked suspiciously.

"I don't have a clue. But there were drawings in it and everything. And it said explicitly that nothing was supposed to interfere with Emma's destiny . . . and I was taught to trust Blue . . . so I did. Now I see I was wrong. I cost you both your happiness . . . and Henry too."

"That fairy has a lot of 'splaining to do!" Emma snorted. "And we're going to have a long talk with her when we get back with the kids. But for now . . . we need to find them. The local police over in the town they stopped in just before Boston have the card Belle wrote on . . . and we're going to go over and check it out," she told them. "Oh, hold it. You'll need these," and she drew out two deputy badges. "I hearby deputize you two. Otherwise you won't be able to see any evidence the police might give me."

Neal pinned his on and then said, "Okay, Swan. Let's rock and roll."

They drove down to the gas station where they met the police detective and the clerk who sounded the alarm in the convenience store. Emma thanked the clerk for her speedy intervention and took the card with the note on it from the police. She also thanked the officer in charge and asked if she and her deputies could please borrow their computer, she wanted to run a few searches through her database, checking the car's license out and also this . . . Society for Benevolent Studies as well as Tamara and Greg's names for prior arrests.

The officer was only too happy to let her use the database once she had shown him her badge and ID and so had her two deputies. Then Emma went with them to the station along with Bae and August and began typing in things.

The database was quite efficient, and came back with several results in the span of twenty minutes. The car was listed as repossessed from an Owen King and then gone missing off the lot, so it was reported as stolen. Tamara's name came up as having a masters in genetic engineering and also in connection with a speeding ticket, a parking violation, and one count of drunk and disorderly, but the charges were later dropped.

"Good defense attorney," Neal muttered. "What about Greg?"

Emma scrolled down the screen. "Greg Mendel . . . obviously an alias. Real name, Owen Flynn. He has no priors . . . except a rather odd allegation when he was twelve . . .it says here he was traveling with his dad and they stopped at this town and . . . it disappeared . . . and so did his dad . . .after finding no traces of it or him, the police had to place him in foster care . . .degrees in biochemistry and magnetic science, PhD in the study of how magnetic resonance affects certain parts of the body and brain . . ."

"They were doing experiments on how to contain magic users," August hissed. "Tamara was into that shit from way back. She showed me some prototype lazer she'd invented that she said was for her own protection . . . but I was too . . .wrecked about my own life to realize just what the hell she had until the Dragon was killed."

"That makes sense," Neal nodded. "This society they have, what about that?"

Emma peered at her screen. "It's not coming up . . . wait . . . there's a few references . . .and here's the address . . . it matches the one on the card . . . it's in Boston . . .and let me cross reference . . ." she typed in the address and the database pulled up some more information. "It's a lab that was abandoned due to a company that went out of business, Miranet Pharmaceuticals, and then somehow Tamara bought it . . . or they're leasing it . . . saying they're using it for benign genetic experiments . . . ha!"

"That's a front for what they're really doing . . . creating weapons and things to hurt the magic born!" Neal said heatedly. "We got enough now to nail that bitch, Emma? Can we find this place?"

"Sure can, Cassidy." She hit the print button. "Just let me get directions and we're good to go."

August smiled. "Good! I've got a score to settle with her."

"You and me both," Neal said tightly, his face grim.

**A/N: so what did you think? Those kids clever or what? And what do you think should happen to Greg and Tamara as far as consequences? I need some ideas please so anything you come with is appreciated! And thanks so much for reading and reviewing this! **


	22. Love Conquers All

**22**

**Love Conquers All**

The last time Tamara scrubbed a toilet's mess on her own was back when she was still struggling to pay for college. She hated doing it then and she hated it even more now but that was what the good Lord made husbands for. Let him deal with the mess. She had work to do.

In the storage closet the children breathed a collective sigh of relief when they heard her footsteps walking past them. Belle lightly touched Rumple's arm. "You're not getting sleepy are you?" she asked, knowing casting a cloaking spell required a lot of his energy to hold.

Rumple shook his head. "No . . .not yet."

"You need me to help?" Regina inquired. "I can."

"Okay," he reached out and clasped her hand.

"Wish there was something I could do," Killian confessed sadly.

"You helped us get those cuffs off them...that's a big help," Belle pointed out.

"Yeah but why they gotta do all the hard work? If they get too sleepy that crazy bitch is gonna find us and lock us up again."

Rumple looked up at him. "You can help by sending us happy thoughts . . .it gives us energy," he explained. "So you think about that and let us concentrate, okay?"

"Kay." He sent them thoughts of being back at home with Emma, Henry and Neal, all of them lounging on the sofa watching movies.

For her part, Belle sent them her memories of playing dress up with Regina, and to Rumple she sent thoughts of the two of them as a married couple.

But in her mind he looked different, older though she couldn't understand why he was a lot older than her.

Then they all thought of the tickle war they had with Emma, Neal and Henry and how much they wanted to do it again.

Rumple took the positive energy the thoughts generated and wove them into his cloaking spell web, and took the pure magic Regina offered as well and use it to feed the spell . . .so it wasn't drawing entirely off his own energy. It was a tricky bit of magic, but he managed it somehow . . . it was almost like he'd done it before.

"Are we helping?" Belle asked.

"Yes," Rumple replied. He released Regina's hand. "Okay, done. That'll hold . . . even if I sleep."

Regina's stomach growled. "M'hungry. Anybody else?"

"Me," Rumple said. "We never got to eat our chicken nuggets an' funnel cakes an' fried Oreos because those wankers grabbed us." He licked his lips. "Stupid buttholes!"

"Can you make em?" Killian asked.

"We gotta be careful not to make him use too much magic, Killian," Belle cautioned

"Awww crap, sorry mate, I forgot."

Rumple shook his head. "No . . . b'cause you can't make food. Summon it, yeah, but not just make it. You try that and it'll end up tasting like crap." He grimaced. "Worse than my papa's burnt oatmeal."

Regina thought for a minute. "I think I can summon up something for us. I looked a long time at the food while we were on line b'fore Dumb and Dumber came."

"Didya ever notice how Bae and Emma never cook? Maybe they don't know how," Belle mused.

Rumple laughed. "Bae says he can do easy stuff-chicken nuggets and mac n'cheese, instant oatmeal and salad and soup . . . but Emma only knows how to use a microwave. They didn't have grown ups to really show 'em how."

"What about Bae's dad? I'll bet he was a good cook," Belle surmised.

"We had this one cook on our ship who was really bad at it. My papa said his food was like eating rat crap." Killian chimed in.

"Gross!" Rumple made a face. "Bae said that he got lost when he was kid, and that's why he grew up an orphan when he was fourteen. But before that, he said his papa cooked real well."

"I know what we can make our first real Nevenger mission be!" Belle exclaimed

"What?' Kilian asked.

"Find Bae's papa!"

"We could," agreed Rumple. "But first we gotta build our clubhouse and before that we gotta get out of here. . ."

"I know!...maybe we can chant our stuff to make us invisible...ya know like the invisible man," Regina spoke up

"But we already used it to make us merpeople," Belle pointed out.

"Not that stuff...our hats!"

"Maybe . . . but we need to eat first," Rumple reminded her, his stomach was grumbling loudly now. "If we don't eat, we can't cast spells right . . .we'll be too hungry to concentrate."

"Food, coming right up!" Regina announced.

A large tray appeared before the group of hungry toddlers with everything they wanted to eat at the park along with drinks.

Rumple's eyes lit up. "Thanks, Regina!" he said and then grabbed a chicken nugget and dunked it into some BBQ sauce and ate it. "Mmmm! So good!" Then he snatched a fried Oreo and ate that too. "Even better!"

Killian broke off a piece of the funnel cake and popped it into his mouth. "Oh...my...God...this stuff is AWESOME!"

"Henry said so, an' he's usually right," Belle said, eating a hot dog and then taking a sip of her Coke.

Killian then picked up a fried Oreo and took a bite. "I could eat these all day!"

"You'd better eat some food," Regina lectured. "You eat all dessert an' you're gonna get a tummy ache."

"Okay." He grabbed a hot dog and started eating that but he would have a little bit more of the funnel cake and Oreos afterwards.

Rumple devoured four nuggets in a row before he took some funnel cake and drank some of his ice tea. The magic took a lot out of him, he thought as he munched.

"I bet that crazy lady wouldn't have fed us at all or made us eat something gross like gruel," said Regina, happily eating her food.

Belle scowled. "I hate gruel. It's nasty!"

"Specially when it's cold n' burnt," Rumple sighed. "An' it's all you got to eat b'cause your papa gambled all your money away at the bar last night."

"Mate, can I say how really glad I am we got rid of that dick."

"There was this one lady that was a friend of my mommy's who used to make fun of the poor people by saying let 'em eat gruel when we coulda fed them with what we had," Regina said

"Yeah, I say it all the time . . .'specially now that we live with Bae and Emma. I like living with Lizabeth too . . . but it was alot different from living here . . .and I didn't have a cool guy like Bae to play with or nothing!"

"Yeah, he's really cool even when we're bad," Killian agreed.

"Cause his papa taught him right," Belle said.

"And I like Emma better than my mommy," Regina admitted. "She doesn't hit me with a paddle."

Rumple winced. "That hurts a lot, but nothing like my papa's belt."

"My papa used to use his fist...not on me though. He'd beat the crap outta his crew," Killian said.

"Ouch! He ever spank you?" queried Rumple.

"Lots."

Belle shivered. "My papa didn't hit . . . he yelled though . . . and made me stand in the corner and stuff . . ."

"I dunno what was worse, my mommy spanking me or yelling at me that I was a stupid disgrace that was never gonna make a good queen," Regina sniffled.

"She's an idiot!" Belle exclaimed.

'"Yeah, it really sucks we all had crappy parents and Bae had a good papa...you think if we find him he'd like us too?" Killian wondered.

"I think so, Killian." Rumple agreed. "He would, Bae says he really like kids . . . anybody's kids . . ." Rumple recalled.

"We could be like his grandkids," Belle said.

"Whose?" Rumple asked. "Bae's? Or his papa's?"

"His papa's," Belle replied. "Right, Killian?"

"Uh huh cause when we get back I'm gonna ask Neal and Emma to 'dopt us." Killian said shyly.

"Killian, he doesn't have enough room for all of us," Regina reminded him

"So he can get a bigger house."

"That house he found us in was pretty big," Belle said.

"Yeah, and it has a big backyard and everything!" Rumple cried. "Maybe we could move in there!"

"So...we gotta make a pact...when we get back we all ask them to 'dopt us," Killian said. "You swear?"

"Yes!" they all chorused and put their hands on top of each others.

"Deal struck!" Rumple said.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma pulled up and around to the back of the abandoned laboratory with her squad car, though the lights were off and the siren still. She wanted no warning that the cavalry was coming. She jumped out and gave Neal a switchblade from her boot and August her other 45 with an ammo clip. "Here. Just in case."

August took the revolver and said jokingly, "Don't you trust Baelfire with a gun, Sheriff?"

Emma laughed. "I trust Bae with my life, Booth . . . but he's aces with a knife. He can put your eye out at sixty paces with a single throw."

August shivered. "I am never gonna annoy you again, Cassidy."

Bae waved a finger at him. "You just mind your manners, boy, and you won't get a knife in you." Then he stalked to the outer entrance of the lab. Tugging on the door, he found it was locked, and set to work with his picks. In about thirty seconds, it was open.

"Shit!" August whispered. "That was fast, man!"

Neal shrugged. "No. I'm rusty. I used to be able to pick a lock like this in under twenty seconds."

Inside the room that had been the children's prison, Tamara stood over her husband fuming. "You stupid son of a bitch! You got taken down by a bunch of fucking kids!"

"Are you going to stand there bitching at me all night or let me loose so we can find them!" Greg retorted.

"I should let you lay there but I'm going to need you. They got the cuffs off!"

"Shit!" Greg mumbled as soon as he was loose. Then they heard an alarm sound. "We've got company!"

Down below, Neal swore because he'd forgotten about the security cameras and things they probably had in a place like this, and grabbed an ornamental paperweight off the the front desk and lobbed it at the screeching security camera in the ceiling. It smashed into it with a crash and broke it.

"Hate those things!" he muttered. "What?" he asked August, who was staring at him.

"Hell, you oughta go pitch for some pro ball team," the other said.

Bae shrugged. "They wouldn't want me, I'd get bored and tell some tightass manager off and then I'd be out on my ass. C'mon, let's go up these stairs."

The three raced up the stairs.

Tamara and Greg ran into the security room and looked at the monitors. There were three of them, one armed with a knife, the other two with guns. She unlocked the cabinet and took out two Glocks and extra magazines.

They loaded the cartridges into the guns and stalked their uninvited guests like hunters stalking prey.

Emma sensed someone was behind them and spun, yelling, "Freeze! Police!" She squeezed the trigger and a bullet just creased Tamara's ear.

Tamara aimed her gun at the officer and opened fire with a sharpshooter's precision. It had come from spending two hours a day at the shooting range.

Greg fired his own gun in the direction of the two men.

In the storage closet, four children screamed in terror, hearing the gunshots.

Rumple almost wet himself, but he gathered himself together and cried, "That's bad! It's like the shootout at the OK Corral. We gotta go see what's happening! They could need our help!"

Belle's hand crept into his. "M'scared, Rumple. But . . . do the brave thing and bravery will follow."

Regina swallowed hard. She was scared of guns, but she said, "Then let's go see. I don't want anything bad to happen to Bae n'Emma."

"Me neither!" Killian said. "Let's go!"

The four tots scrambled out of the storage closet and took the elevator beside it up to the second floor.

When the elevator doors opened, the kids rushed out . . .and around the corner they heard gunfire and Tamara cursing.

She was a good shot but the police officer was her match.

"Fuck!"

Greg was having even worse luck with August.

He emptied an entire magazine of bullets on that thieving scum and missed him.

Tamara learned in her battle with magic users that leverage was always the key. She aimed her gun at the man with the knife and fired. He crumpled to the ground.

"Now, drop it or the next one goes to his head," she threatened the cop.

Tamara stood over the cop's knife wielding companion, the front of his shirt stained red with blood.

"You have til the count of three, bitch," Tamara hissed, pressing the barrel of the gun against Neal's temple.

"Neal!" Emma cried, horrified. "Fine! Back off!" She tossed her revolver onto the floor.

"That's better!" Tamara gloated.

August slipped up behind her, as all her attention was on Emma and the injured Neal in front of her. He sighted carefully and shot, snarling, "Say hello to the devil, Tamara, on your way to hell!" The bullet slammed into the back of her head. She went down in a heap, dead before she hit the ground.

He fired a second shot and Greg fell beside her with a bullet in his shoulder.

Emma went and knelt beside Neal, murmuring, "You're going to be okay! You hear me? Don't you die on me, Cassidy! Don't you die, dammit!" Her eyes were misty with tears as she ripped open his shirt and pressed her jacket to the wound. Blood stained her hands.

"NO, BAE!" Rumple screamed when he saw Neal on the floor bleeding.

Belle pressed her hands to her mouth and burst into tears.

"Emma . . . don't let . . . him . . . see . . ." Neal rasped. His eyes blurred from the pain, he hissed, "Papa . . . no . . ."

"You can't leave me too," the little boy sobbed.

"Nooo...we want him to be our daddy!" Regina wailed.

"Mate...can't you..heal him?" Killian asked through his own tears.

"Sorry . . . Papa . . . so sorry . . ." Neal coughed, desperate to say what he needed to. "I . . . forgive . . ."

"No!" Rumple howled. "You aren't leaving me!" Then he put his hands on either side of his son's face. "LIVE!"

Regina ran over to them and put her hand on Rumple's back to lend him some of her power.

Belle and Killian stood on either side of him, sending him happy thoughts of Neal to fuel his energy.

Rumple could feel Bae's life force flickering through his fingers, leaking out of him like the blood was leaking out of the wound in his chest. And he knew he had to stop it, to fix it . . . so he took all the power he had remaining and the power gifted to him by the other three Nevengers and he used it to mend what was broken . . .but even then he sensed it was not enough. Something more was needed.

"I . . .love you, Bae!" he sobbed, and then he kissed his son's cheek.

"Please let this work," Belle begged.

"It has to," Killian murmured.

"Cause love is power," Regina chanted.

"I can't lose you again!" Emma wept, and then she pressed her lips to Neal's own, kissing him passionately. "You promised me Tallahassee, and I'm calling in my debt!"

White magic flowed through the stricken Baelfire, healing what had been torn and broken, pulling his fading spirit back within his body, the magic of true love doing what it did best-saving those in need.

"You're doing it!" Killian cried, jumping up and down excitedly.

"You're not 'llowed to leave us cause we want you to be our daddy, you hear?" Regina demanded in her evil queen voice.

Bae's ghost-pale face flushed with color, the wound in his chest closed, and he breathed normally again . . .true love's kiss by both his beloved and his father bringing him back to the land of the living once more.

He blinked. "Hey . . .did . . .I hear you . . . right?"

"You heard me right," Regina answered.

"Yeah...we want you to 'dopt us." Killian added.

"We can live in the big pink house and be a family," Belle said.

"You . . . do?" he gasped. "Emma . . ." He looked at her for help.

"Yeah we do, Bae. Because we love you and you love us . . . like a real papa does . . . but ours never did," Rumple added.

He felt his heart melt into a puddle at their feet. This was the most insane request he'd ever had made to him before . . . but how could he say no . . .? "Okay. If that's what you want . . .you got it." A part of him was screaming_-what are you **crazy**? You're adopting your own **father**!_ And another part was whispering, _who_ _cares? You're all family anyway!_ He smiled. The heart always knows . . .

"YAY!"

"Neal, how are we...oh never mind!" Emma said, in tears herself. "Come here, you rugrats," she said softly.

"How touching!" sneered Greg. "You're like the fucking Brady Bunch!"

"Shut your pie hole, dick!" Killian snarled

Regina grinned evilly. "Hey Rumple, I gots an idea." She whispered in his ear.

"Go ahead you little bitch...do your worst," Greg challenged.

Rumple grinned . . . a grin reminiscent of the Dark One. He pointed a finger at Greg, who was looking at them with self-righteous revulsion. "You almost killed Bae. And you're not sorry at all for it . . .like my papa . . .you deserve to feel what you put others through."

Belle was grinning too, imagining what they had in mind.

"Give it to him, mates!" Killian urged.

"No killing!" Neal ordered quickly.

"Killing's too quick for him!" Regina sneered. "Ready, Rumple?"

"Go for it!" Killian yelled.

Rumple cracked his knuckles. "Ready."

"I almost pity the bastard . . . almost," Emma murmured.

"I don't," August spoke up. "He deserves whatever they give him and more."

Then the two fledgling magicians spoke in unison. "May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your crotch for all the misery you've caused and may your arms be too short to scratch it!"

Killian howled with laughter. Belle giggled.

"That is one hell of a dose of crabs!" August chuckled.

"Oh my God . . . that is the _best_ revenge!" Bae said, then he cracked up too.

"You . . . sick . . . little . . . fuckers . . .!" Greg growled.

Every time he tried to scratch himself, his hands refused to move.

"How's that feel, dick?" Killian taunted.

"That is enough of that word, Killian Jones, or else you'll be having Ivory for dinner," Emma scolded.

"YOU LITTLE SHITS! I'LL GET YOU, I'LL GET ALL OF YOU!" Greg screamed.

"You're not getting anything but locked up!" Emma yelled.

She pushed him to the ground and secured his wrists with her cuffs. "You're under arrest!"

"Yay! Under arrest him, Emma!" Regina clapped.

"Oww! My shoulder!" he whined.

"Aww, shut up, you big fat baby!" Rumple sneered. He waved a hand and healed him. "Now why don'tcha cry about it?"

"Why'd you do that?" asked Regina.

"Cause if I didn't he'd get Emma in trouble," Rumple replied. "Police brutality or some crap like that. Don'tcha watch Law and Order?"

"Oh yeah, cause Elliot gets in trouble all the time for beating people up." Regina nodded. "We're not gonna heal his thing are we?"

"I wouldn't," Killian smirked. "Let it fall off!"

"You . . . evil little bastards!" wailed Greg, squirming.

"We're not evil . . . we're the Nevengers!" Belle said proudly.

"In your dreams, you little bitch!"

"Get this piece of trash out of here!" Emma ordered August.

"Wait! Nobody calls Belle the B-word!" Rumple snapped. He gestured and Greg's mouth was filled with soap. "NOW get him out of here!"

"You . . . twisted . . . little . . ." Greg sputtered.

"Yeah, yeah, we've heard it all. Get moving!" August commanded, dragging him away.

"What's gonna happen to him, Emma?" asked Belle worriedly. "He'll tell about Rumple and Regina having magic."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, kid," she laughed. "They'll think he's crazy."

"And after we question him, he'll probably give us enough to put him away for a long time!" Neal predicted.

"Good! He belongs with the rest of the nuts!" Killian declared.

"Can we go home now?" Belle pleaded.

"Sure we can, sweetie," Neal said, and hugged her.

"But first we gotta wreck this joint," Regina stated.

"My thinking exactly, honey," agreed Emma.

"You go do that, m'tired!" Rumple said, snuggling up to Neal, who was sitting up now with Belle in his lap.

"Let's burn it down!" yelled Regina.

She conjured a fireball in her hand.

"Hold it! We have to leave first!" Bae reminded her, then he scooped up Rumple and Belle and tossed Killian up on his shoulder. "Meet you outside, Em! You and the little firestarter here!"

"Three hundred sixty-five degrees . .. burning down the house!" Killian sang.

"Kid, you have to stop quoting my music!" Neal laughed as they went downstairs.

"Now?" asked Regina.

"Now," agreed Emma.

Regina flung the fireball into the room where they'd been kept prisoner. The cots caught and went up like dry tinder.

"C'mon, kid!" Emma scooped her up and ran out of the building.

"Fire in the hole!" Regina called out.

"Jesus!" Emma coughed as the entire building seemed to go up like a Fourth of July firework.

"Don't you know . . . there's fire in the hole . . . and nothing left to burn!" Killian sang.

Emma laughed. "He's singing Steely Dan?"

Neal chuckled. "What can I say? He likes my music."

"Fore that he was singin' something called Dirty Laundry," Rumple said sleepily.

"Yeah while he was kicking Greg's nuts in he was singing that," Regina added.

"Oh, and I bet I know what part!" Neal chortled.

"Speaking of Greg, can you two gimme a hand?" August called. "Where the hell are we gonna put him?"

"We'll be right back, you stay here," Emma instructed the children. She waved a hand and the fire in the building went out.

Regina gazed at the building. Smoke was rising from it. "Hey! I gots an idea! Why don't we roast marshmallows and S'mores?"

"How? We don't gots any!" protested Belle.

Regina waved her hand and everything they needed appeared in front of them, including a campfire in the middle of the parking lot. She grabbed a skewer and put a marshmallow on it.

"You want me to roast ours, Rumple?" asked Belle.

"Nah. M'not too sleepy to do that," he answered.

"And we gotta sing, 'cause that's what you do in front of a campfire. Like me n'my brother Liam did," Hook instructed.

"You've been singing a lot today," Regina observed.

"Yup! Cause it's fun!" Killian grinned.

"You like yours burnt or just a little cooked, Belle?" Rumple asked her.

"Uh . . . half n'half," she replied.

"Okay . . ."

"Let's sing "Do Your Ears Hang Low," suggested Regina.

Rumple nodded. "Okay."

"Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Do you throw them over your shoulders, like a continental soldier? Do your ears hang low?" Regina, Belle, and Rumple sang as they toasted marshmallows over a small ringed campfire Regina had made.

"That's not the right words," Killian said.

"Are so!" Regina argued.

"Nuh uh. Goes like this." Killian insisted.

"Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Do they make a lusty clamor when you hit them with a hammer? Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?"

"What is that I hear you singing over there, Killian Jones?" Neal demanded.

"Crap! Busted!" the little schemer groaned, then called, "Uh . . . nothing . . . Dad . .."

The others laughed.

"You're gonna get the Ivory . . . he heard you," Rumple warned.

Killian quickly stuffed a marshmallow in his mouth. "Nuh-uh! Not now!"

"Want to bet on that?" Neal asked, sneaking up behind him.

"Aww, shucks!" The little boy's cheeks bulged like a chipmunk's.

"Now where did you hear that song, young man? Because it wasn't from me." Neal demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Uh . . .my papa's crew usta sing it . . . and so did my brother sometimes," Killian admitted.

"Why am I not surprised?" Neal sighed.

"Oh my God, you're roasting marshmallows!" Emma cried and laughed.

"You wants one? Or a S'more?" asked Regina.

"I'll have a S'more," Emma said.

The little girl happily put one on a skewer and roasted it. "Here ya go!"

"There room for me?" asked August.

"Sure," Neal said, and handed August a marshmallow on a stick.

To the four children, this was the happiest moment of their lives. They finally had two parents who really loved them.

Rumple and Belle fed each other marshmallows and got all sticky and giggled like loons. Then Rumple fed Bae a marshmallow and got him sticky too.

Killian was singing some of the songs Neal had on his Ipod.

Regina was teaching Emma how to properly roast a S'more.

"I wish Henry was here," said Regina.

"Shoot!" Emma gasped. "We need to get back home. He'll be home from school! C'mon, kids! Get in the car!"

They all jumped up and raced to the car.

"Neal, we'll drop off Mendel here with the local police and then we're gonna book it home," she said.

"You gonna use your siren then, hon?" he asked.

"I might have to," she acknowledged, stepping on the gas.

"Yay! The siren!" her four rugrats screamed in delight. It was one of the perks of having a sheriff for a mom.

Regina couldn't wait to tell Henry she was going to be living with them forever now.

Rumple was just happy that he would never have to worry about Bae leaving him ever again . . . and neither would any of the others.


	23. A Cricket's Advice and Costumes

**23**

**A Cricket's Advice and Costumes**

Henry looked down at the clock on his cellphone. Emma was running late. He texted her a few times but all she would say was that something had come up and she would be there as soon as she could.

He was replying to one of her texts when he caught the tail end of a conversation between Grace and another girl. "…Yeah…they hit them with one of those police tazers. I bet that really hurt!"

"And they grabbed Regina and the others….in broad daylight?"

"Wait a minute….what was that you just said?" Henry cried.

"You don't know? Miss Blanchard and Mr. Nolan got tazed at Pleasure Island and some lady took Regina, Mr. Gold, Belle and that Hook guy."

"Oh my God!" Henry started texting his mother again, demanding to know if the kids were all right.

Then he pulled the Once Upon a Time book out of his backpack and sure enough, there was another chapter featuring the Nevengers as the book referred to them. They'd been abducted by some crazed magic haters but they triumphed again and Rumple once again displayed the ability to invoke true love's magic by healing his son's gunshot wound.

Minutes later his mother's car pulled up and Regina was poking her head out the back window.

"Hey Henry!" she called out and opened the door.

"Regina, what are you….get back here!" Emma cried out.

The little queen ran up to Henry with her arms outstretched. He picked her up and hugged her, relieved she was safe. "Hey Mo….Regina."

"Guess what?" she asked excitedly.

"What?"

"We's gonna live with you! Neal n Emma are gonna 'dopt us!" she cried.

"Ummm….they are?" he asked, wondering how the heck they planned on pulling that one off since one of them was his grandfather and their house was a bit too small for four little kids.

"Yeah. They said so. Isn't it great? Then we can play all the time!"

"You'll never believe what happened to us!" Rumple said when he and Belle got out of the car with Killian behind them. "Is it already in your book?" he asked when he saw the open book on the bench beside the older boy.

"Yep. Just saw it," he said and hugged each of them too.

"Cool!" Killian was smiling.

"Does it show me burning down that bad place?' Regina inquired. Henry flipped to the page and the toddlers burst into laughter when they saw a picture of themselves roasting marshmallows and S'mores along with Neal, Emma and August.

"We were singing too but Killian got in trouble 'cause he was singing a bad song." Belle explained.

"Oh? What was he singing?"

"Something about balls hanging low," Rumple answered.

Henry started cracking up. "We really oughta get you guys on Kids Say The Darndest Things or America's Funniest Home Videos. You'd win the jackpot for sure."

"You ready to go home, kid?" Emma asked her son.

"Yeah." Henry slung his backpack over his shoulder and climbed into the backseat of the car. It was a bit crowded but somehow they managed and Regina insisted on sitting on his lap.

"Next time you have one of your adventures," he said to her. "I'm going with you. Because I'm tired of missing out on everything." He looked over at his father. "Uh, Dad you okay?"

Regina looked over her companions. "Whaddya say we make Henry an honorary member of the Nevengers?"

Rumple nodded. "Yeah. I second it."

"Me too," Belle agreed.

"I'm cool with it," Killian added.

"Yous gotta help us build our clubhouse too," Regina told him.

"Emma, I think I'm gonna have to start coloring my hair," Neal remarked. "Because if Henry's a member of this club they've got now, my hair's gonna be gray within a week!" He looked back at his son. "I'm fine now, kiddo. Rumple and your mom healed me with their magic, so no worries."

"Why is your hair gonna grow gray Bae?" Rumple asked.

"Cause he's gettin old," Killian answered.

"Old? I'm twenty-nine!" Neal laughed. "Because you rugrats are gonna make my hair gray with some of the things you get into. Just like I did when I was your age."

Henry laughed.

"Maybe we can find a pirate ship treasure like in the Goonies," Killian mused.

"A lot of the books I read say there's treasure in places all over the world," Belle said.

Emma groaned. "Neal, we have to keep them from watching crazy TV shows. One of these days we're gonna wake up with a tiger in our bathtub and cannibals in the yard."

"What's a cannibal?" Regina asked.

"They eat people." Killian replied.

"EWWWW!"

"Yeah. Gross." Rumple scrunched up his nose.

"Who'd wanna eat people?" Belle felt like vomiting.

"My papa said there's this one island where they eat people all the time...for a sacrifice."

"Ewww...Killian, that's really gross," the auburn-haired girl said.

"Okay let's stop talking about eating people," Emma interjected. "Who's hungry and wants some food?"

The toddlers looked at each other. They'd already had a buffet while hiding in the storage closet.

"I am! I'm starving!" Henry said.

"And so am I," Neal added. "How about you four?"

"Ummm...we kinda already ate..." Killian blabbed.

"With Snow and David?" Emma guessed.

"Mom, how are they?" asked Henry.

"Okay, kid. I called and they got checked out and are fine . . . but your grandpa wants to strangle Greg and Tamara."

"Yeah well Tamara's in hell and Greg's going to the place with the nuts," Belle said

"And I'll say Amen to that!" Neal said.

"Yeah Lucifie's gonna roast her on a spit," Regina said with a wicked grin.

"Or he'll cook her in a big pot an feed her to his hellhounds," Killian added.

"Or throw her into a vat of acid and watch her melt," Rumple added. "Like what shoulda happened to the Joker on Batman," the small sorcerer remarked.

"The Joker's cool! I don't want him to melt!" Killian exclaimed.

"He's a good villain," Rumple acknowledged. "But I'm sayin' that if you fall into a pool of acid you melt, it burns the flesh from your bones."

"Yuck!" Belle groaned, sticking out her tongue.

"Sorry," Rumple said. "But it's true. I watched Discov'ry Channel one night when you were all sleepin' and this man said so."

"Oh...I watched the His'ry Channel an there was this mean ole guy from Russia that they poisoned, shot, n drowned and they think he still didn't die right away," said Belle.

"Whoa!" Killian cried.

"He was probably a wizard," Rumple stated. "What's his name?"

"Rasputin. An he said he was a wizard but lotsa people thought he was a fake so they wanted him dead," Belle went on.

"Even I've heard of THAT one," Neal shuddered. "Bad news . . .I heard he wanted to kill the royal family. And he was a mystic."

"The king and queen had a really sick little boy an Rasputin said he could heal him but he didn't. They all died," Belle finished.

"How sad!" Regina cried.

"I guess they didn't know 'bout True Love's Kiss," Rumple said.

"They gots shot Rumple...an it wouldn't have worked on them. And...they had acid thrown on their bodies.." Belle cringed as she remembered this detail.

Rumple shook his head. "That's just . . . ugh!"

"They thought one of them lived...but she didn't."

"Oooh now I 'member...Anastasia!" Regina cried.

"only history I know is bout pirates," Killian muttered.

"I know a little bout Anastasia," Rumple said. "They was killed by some crazy people . . . bad as Tamara n' Greg . . . and some more crazy people were tryin' to take over the world and kill all these other people called Jews."

"That's horrible!" said the sorceress.

"Sometimes he's so smart he scares me," Emma whispered to Neal. "Now we've got three year olds discussing Nazis and the Holocaust!"

"Well, he's always been smart as a whip, Emma. No reason he's gonna change now, even when he's this age," Neal said proudly. "It's why he and Belle are so good together. They're like little geniuses."

"So Dad, what's this I hear about you adopting them?" Henry inquired.

"He is gonna 'dopt us and we're gonna live in the big pink house!" Regina insisted.

"The . . .pink house?" Henry repeated. "But that's . . . um . . .err . . ."

"It's salmon...not pink," Rumple corrected.

Henry cracked up then. "Oh God!"

"It is too pink!" Regina insisted.

"Is not!"

"It is too. I mean really, who wants ta live in a pink house? It needs a paint job!" she snorted.

"No, it's not," Rumple argued. "Don'tcha know your colors? Pink is like a carnation or a pink rose. That house is salmon . . .it's darker with an orange tint. Jeez Louise!"

"I know my colors an I know pink when I see it."

"I like it the way it is," Belle defended.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Then you're color blind, Regina. Because salmon is totally different than pink . . . I'll show you in the crayon box when we get home. And it's a distinguished color . ." .

"I'm not livin in a pink house," Killian grumbled.

"Then maybe you oughta live in the treehouse!" Rumple snapped.

"Oh come on you guys, knock it off!" Belle snapped. "The main thing is we're getting 'dopted an it doesn't matter where we live!"

"Belle's right," Rumple agreed. "At least we have somewhere to live and don't gotta sleep on the barroom floor."

"Or in a box," Killian added.

"Dad, so you really ARE adopting them and we're moving into the Victorian?" Henry repeated. This was news to him.

"Yeah I guess I am...I'll figure out a way to do it."

"They don't really have anyone else but us...and each other..." Emma added.

"And it's love, not just blood, that makes a family," Neal said. "And we've got plenty of that."

"But what about...you know...?"He hesitated to say the potion and Rumple's curse but he was certain his parents knew what he was thinking.

"We're working on that, kid." His mother replied. "That's why we were at the convent. Speaking of that-Neal we really have to talk with Blue about what August told us . . .she knows something she's not telling."

"Not the Butt Muncher!" Rumple shook his head.

"Pleeese tell me you're gonna lock her up with the nuts," Killian pleaded.

Neal chuckled. "Well, that's not really up to us . . . since it's the nuns who've got custody of her . . . but . . .we'll suggest some stronger measures than what they've been doing. That kid's running wild on them . . . and that's not a good thing. But yeah, Em, we do have to have a talk with her . . . and she won't be able to lie with you there."

"Rather see the boogey man than her," Rumple muttered.

"Don't worry, Rumple. You won't be coming with us when we do talk to her," Neal reassured him. "I don't trust her as far as I can spit and she's not being anywhere in the same building as any of you."

"Don' wanna see the boogey man neither. He picks boogies n eats em." Killian said.

"Ewww!" Regina and Belle screamed in unison.

"Guys, enough!" Emma ordered. "You're gonna make me puke .. .now let's stop over at Granny's and get something for lunch. You want cheesesteaks, Neal?"

"As long as it's a Philly one, yeah."

"Me too!" Henry said, licking his lips.

"Whatsa Philly Cheesesteak?" Killian asked

"It's the best kind of cheesesteak, invented in Philadelphia, with fried onions and steak and lots of ooey gooey cheese!" Neal said rapturously.

Emma pulled into Granny's and they all got out. Each child held an adult's hand, or in Neal's case, he had Belle and Rumple on either side, as they walked across the parking lot. Emma held Killian's hand and Henry's Regina's. As they entered the diner, Ruby looked up from getting some silverware for a table and cried, "You got them back! They're okay!"

"Yeah we all kicked those guys' butts!" Killian bragged.

"Listen to the little rooster crow!" Granny chuckled, coming out from the back room to see them. "What happened to the miscreants that took them, Sheriff?"

"One is dead and the other is going to be in the mental hospital for a long time."

"Good!" Ruby said. "It's where people like that belong, kidnapping innocent kids."

"Yeah, with the nuts!" Regina said and laughed.

"And the squirrels!" Belle chirped, and they all giggled.

"Your usual table, guys?" Ruby asked, grabbing some menus off the counter.

"Uh-huh. We're gonna have cheesestakes," Belle announced, grabbing Rumple's hand.

"That's cool! You're gonna love them," Ruby grinned. "Granny makes them like they do in Philly. Maybe you'll like them as much as hamburgers."

"And I want cheese fries," Henry said.

"Me too!" piped up Regina.

"I want onion rings," Bae said.

"Where you gonna find room for it-your butt?' asked Killian.

Regina stuck her tongue out at him.

Emma cleared her throat. "No trash talk at the dinner table, Killian."

"Aww crap, caught again," he muttered. And he hated making Emma angry.

Rumple coughed. "Don'tcha know by now you can't get away with anything like that?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Hey can I sit beside you guys?' the little pirate asked, gesturing to where Rumple and Belle sat together.

Regina was sitting beside Henry.

"Sure," Belle said, and scooted over so Killian could sit next to her. Rumple was next to the window.

"You gots any ideas about what we're gonna put in our clubhouse?" Regina was asking Henry.

"I wanna big picture of The Joker!" said Killian. "An Jack Sparrow!"

As Bae went to sit down next to Emma, Archie beckoned him from the booth across from them. "Hey, Neal. I just wanted to offer my services as a counselor if you think the kids need someone to talk to about their ordeal. It can be pretty traumatic, getting held hostage."

"You're right...they seem okay now but my papa's prone to nightmares and..." Neal said quietly.

Archie nodded. "I understand. If he starts getting worse or any of them become anxious or afraid of being alone or something like that, call me and you can bring them by."

"What I've been doing with Papa is letting him sleep with me after he has one. it seems to calm him. It's what he did with me when I was a child," Neal said wistfully.

"That's good . . .he needs the reassurance and to know that there's someone there looking after him. A lot of kids who get nightmares frequently grow ashamed of them and sometimes they won't talk about it which can lead to anxiety and depression. You're doing the right thing. Does he like to sleep with something-like a blankie or a stuffed toy? Sometimes that helps also."

"My old shawl. Only he turned it into the ballcap he's wearing now." Neal lowered his voice and sat across from the psychiatrist. "There's something else, Archie...I don't want this getting around but...Emma and I are trying to find a way to break the dagger curse. We plan on keeping him a child until then."

"That would be a good idea. Are you sure . . . it can be broken?" the therapist hissed.

"All curses can be broken. He taught me that." Neal said confidently. "I just have to find out what can do it."

"True. But the curse of the Dark One is very old . . . from what little I know it was placed upon the dagger centuries before humankind. So maybe your best bet would be to talk to those who were around before then . . . the fae. And particularly the dark fae. They'd know if anyone would how that curse works."

He and Emma were both positive the answer was with the blue menace and one way or another they were going to get it out of her. "There's one person we both know here who would fit that bill...and she's going to talk," Neal said determinedly.

Archie chuckled. 'I don't envy you that task, my friend. She's known for her intransigence and intolerance . . . as I know perfectly well."

"He took that curse for me and its only right that I help him break it."

"Yes, that's so. Because then the scales will Balance. That's one of the laws of magic, as your papa would have told you. Everything in moderation, dearie," the therapist quoted.

Neal laughed. "He's rubbing off on you. He does that a lot." He glanced over to where his toddler father sat with his new friends. "This may sound odd...but they want me to adopt them."

"Actually not from what I've observed. They seem very . . .needy. Have they told you much about their childhoods? What they recall of them now, at any rate? It may explain why."

"Papa, Killian and Regina had the worst time of it...being left alone a lot...emotional abuse." Neal said darkly."And all of them were physically abused, my papa the worst."

Archie shook his head sadly. "Unfortunately, that wouldn't be uncommon back there. And they wouldn't have had any way to get help if they were terrified of their parents or guardians. That would explain why they gravitate towards you, Neal. You're probably the only positive father figure they've ever had. How about their mothers?"

"Papa's mother died very early...and Cora...well we all know what a bitch she was. Killian rarely mentions his...Belle's also died when she was too young to remember much of her."

"Ahh . . . yes, Cora was a piece of work . . . and from what I know of Henry . . .he didn't do much to stop her from harming Regina, so she may have grown to resent him for that and looked on him as useless for not protecting her. Which is why she looks towards you as a substitute for him. And it's also why they would want Emma as a mother figure. You both represent something they seem to have lacked-security, safety, and love from both parents."

"It's just going to make things a bit more...complicated once we change them back but...I want them happy. And...this whole experience has brought them closer. I want that to continue once they're adults."

"Yes . . .they need that. A lot of how they are as adults stems from the way they were treated as children. This . . . may be the second chance they all need to become more well adjusted adults."

But breaking the curse is the key for Papa. It's inactive as long as he's a child."

"Like I said . . . talk to the fae. They would know about the key to breaking that curse," Archie advised. "And if you need me, I'm here to talk."

"I appreciate it." Neal said gratefully. "I'm thinking maybe I should bring them to the office in the morning anyway."

"Yes . . . my thoughts exactly. Oh, and here's something else you may want to consider tonight. After such a traumatic experience . . . sometimes young kids like this can wet the bed. So you might want to have them wear some Pull-ups or something like that, just in case."

Neal frowned. "They won't like that...but I'll try it."

"Just a suggestion. So you don't have an unholy mess to clean up and they don't have to deal with the embarrassment since I'm assuming they're potty trained."

"You could have them make a game out of it . . . you know . . . like design your own underwear or something . . . so they want to wear them," Archie suggested.

"I could..."

"Or say it's like they're all superheroes and they need to wear a costume . . .something like that. That way they don't feel like babies or something."

Neal laughed. "They call themselves the Nevengers so I could get away with it."

"There you go . . ." laughed Archie. "If you can sew, you could put real underwear on the Pull-Ups and say it's the bottom of their new uniforms."

"My sewing leaves much to be desired."

"Really? You mean your papa never taught you?"

"Oh he did...I just never was good at it." Neal admitted."Too busy getting in trouble."

Archie raised an eyebrow. "You and me both. Then again, my parents were no kind of a good example."

Bae, c'mon! We're ready to eat!"

"My father's calling," Neal joked.

"Better listen then . . . or else he'll ground you!" Archie grinned.

Neal returned to the table where four impatient and hungry children waited.

"What were you talkin' about with Archie?" Rumple asked.

Ruby set down their dinners and said, "Enjoy, rugrats!"

"Oh...ummm...just some things. Errr...we're all going to go visit him tomorrow."

"How come?" asked Belle.

"Just to talk about some stuff..." Neal said evasively.

"Mmm . .. this is really good!" Killian said, taking a bite of his cheesesteak.

"And he actually gave me a good idea for a game we can play later."

"Ooh . . . what kind of game?" shrilled Regina.

"You guys keep talking about how you're the Nevengers and all so you should get to make your own outfits."

"I'd like that!" Rumple said, his eyes shining.

"Now since they have special underwear...ummm...we're gonna need to buy some pullups for you guys to decorate."

"Can we sew stuff on them?" Rumple asked. "Like . . . . shiny gold stars n' stuff?"

"Sure. Anything you want."

Emma raised an eyebrow. "That's very interesting, Neal."

"But I'm not good at sewing. My papa taught me but I'm really horrible at it." He gave her a look to warn her he would explain when they were alone.

"Me neither," Emma admitted. "I failed home ec in school."

"I can sew!" Rumple yelled.

"And...just for tonight..you can wear them as your jammies."

"Cool, mate!" Killian crowed.

_Slick, real slick_, Neal thought. So far the kids didn't suspect a thing but he had to tread carefully. His father could always smell a lie off him a mile away.

"But then we might wreck them," Rumple protested.

"Then you can make new ones."

"We got the money to do that?" his father asked.

"Yeah, don't worry," Neal assured him.

"Henry, can you help me make my outfit?" Regina inquired.

"Sure," Henry said. He wondered what his dad was up to, but knew better than to ask right then.

"I wanna make mine look like The Joker. I'm a Joker...I'm a smoker...I'm a midnight toker.." Killian sang.

Neal nearly spit out his drink laughing.

"What's a toker?" Belle asked.

"Never mind," Emma said quickly. "What do you want to look like, Belle?"

"Ummm...like Wonder Woman."

"I wanna look like Merlin!" Rumple cried.

"I wanna look like Catwoman!" Regina announced.

"And Mr. Jones, you and I need to have a talk about what you should not be listening to from my music collection," Neal said firmly.

"Aww . . .Dad!" groaned Killian.

"No, I'm going to be changing it up so we won't be having anymore of you singing inappropriate things."

Killian looked belligerent. "What if I wanna sing bout those things?"

"Do you want to have an Ivory snack...or face a wall?"

"Umm . . . nooo!" the child shook his head.

"Good."

"Does that mean you wanna see my iPod too?" sighed his elder son.

"If I find out you're listening to trash, yeah. You have to set a good example for your little brothers and sisters."

"Aww . . .man!" Henry sighed. "I knew you were gonna say that."

"You'll be handing it over when we get home."

"But Dad . . ."

"You're not too old to have an Ivory snack either," Bae lectured. "Or face a wall."

"Mom, you gonna let him do that?" her son asked.

"Yes I am."

"You better listen, Henry, 'cause Ivory is nasty tasting," Regina advised.

"Okay . . . fine," he sighed. Then he eyed Regina. "How would you know what that tastes like?"

"Cause I tried it once 'case I got in trouble and it was really gross."

"It is gross!" Killian added. "I wanna puke after getting it."

"Yeah . . .my papa made me eat some once . . . cause I said he was nasty," Rumple sighed.

"Well he shoulda ate it cause he was nasty!" Belle said angrily.

"You guys thinking about having dessert?" Ruby asked when she approached the table.

Rumple nodded. "Yes, please. I want a chocolate sundae to share with Belle. With whipped cream an' hot fudge an' a cherry on top."

"I wanna piece of apple pie!" Regina begged.

"You gots fried Oreos?" Killian asked.

Ruby laughed. "I'll see if Granny can make some." She looked at Neal, Henry, and Emma. "You three want anything? We have a Reeses pie."

"Mom that sounds good!"

"It does. You want to get that?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"I do too. Want to split one, Emma?" asked Neal.

"Why not?"

"Okay . . .I have a piece of apple pie, two Reeses, a double chocolate sundae with hot fudge and whipped cream and a cherry and fried Oreos. Anybody want coffee?"

"We're not 'llowed," said Belle.

"You could have hot cocoa," Ruby chuckled.

"Coffee tastes gross," Rumple put in. "I tasted David's . . . yuck!"

"I wanna Shirley Temple," Killian announced.

"Me too!" Rumple cried.

"Can ya handle it mate?" Killian challenged.

"Can you?" Rumple shot back. "I like mine with double cherries . . . and extra fizz," the sorcerer told Ruby.

"I bet I can drink more n you!"

"Oh my God they are not.." Henry chuckled.

"I have to see this." Neal muttered.

"In your dreams, sailor boy!" Rumple put his hands on the table. "I can drink you under the table."

"Seriously? They want to have a drinking contest?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"Bring it," Killian dared.

"Five bucks says you can't drink more n'four in a row, dearie."

"Where you gonna get five bucks? Rob a bank?"

"Bae . . .can I have a loan?" Rumple asked.

"Okay," he chuckled.

"You wanna double it?" Killian demanded.

"Oh my God...I gotta record this!" Henry took out his phone.

"Done then!" Rumple spit in his hand and smacked it into Killian's.

"Set 'em up, Ruby," Killian instructed.

Ruby was laughing. "Okay . . . gimme a sec!"

She brought four medium sized juice glasses and put a set in front of each toddler. Then she went to mix up the Shirley Temples, remembering to add extra cherries to Rumple's.

"Kick his butt, Rumple!" Belle cheered.

"You can do it, Killian," Regina encouraged.

The rest of them thought it best to remain neutral to avoid conflicts.

"Okay . . . rules are you gotta drink four in a row . . . no spitting, burping, or puking," Rumple declared. "And you get a ten second breather."

Henry goggled at the pint sized magician. "How do you know all that?"

"My papa. Only when he did it, he drank whiskey."

Ruby came back with a pitcher filled with Shirley Temple mix. She poured each glass with the same amount. "Okay . . . on three . . ."

Word got around the diner that the two toddlers were about to have a drinking contest and a crowd gathered around the table.

"What're they drinking-grape juice?" chortled Leroy.

"My money's on Mr. Gold," hooted Dove.

"Ain't nobody can drink like a pirate!" Smee cried. "Show 'em, Cap'n!"

"Somebody better be recording this . . . we could make a fortune," August grinned.

Henry held up his phone. "Got it covered."

Ruby gave them a count of three then called, "Go!"

The two toddlers picked up their first glass and chugged it.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" chanted four of the dwarfs, as Rumple reached for his second glass.

He was slightly ahead of Killian then.

"Drink up, me hearty!" bellowed Smee and two others of Hook's crew.

Killian wiped fizz off his lip after drinking glass number two. Then he paused slightly, using his ten second breather.

"Go, Rumple!" Belle cheered.

Rumple was almost done with number three, and just as he finished, Killian began. Seeing he was slightly ahead, the smaller boy paused for a moment.

His little tummy was filling up, as he wasn't used to drinking that much at once, but he went and picked up his fourth glass gamely.

The two picked up their fourth glasses at almost exactly the same time while the people around them chanted, "Go! Go! Go!"

Emma felt like she was at a college frat party, even though she'd never gone to college.

Neal didn't know who to root for, so he just watched, chuckling.

"Chugalug, Hook!" Regina yelled, pounding her little fist on the table.

_Now she'd have been a hellraiser on campus!_ Emma thought, giggling.

Hook set his empty glass down on the table. "Ha!"

But so did Rumple. "Read 'em and weep," he declared.

Before anyone could get started arguing, Ruby cried, "It's a tie! You both win! Show's over folks!"

Rumple eyed the waitress. "Really?"

"Really, dearie," she laughed, and pinched his cheek, something she'd always wanted to do with Mr. Gold but of course never dared. "You both put your glasses down at the same time."

"Mebbe they need to go for a tie breaker," Smee began.

But Emma held up her hand. "No, we're good. Neal, they each get five bucks."

As Neal handed out the money, Regina cried, "Now can we have dessert? I really want my pie!"

Everyone roared with laughter and Henry quit recording and tucked away his iPhone. He'd make a video tomorrow.

"That was fun, mate!" Killian said, smiling at Rumple.

"Yeah, it was. Only now I'm almost too full to eat my ice cream," Rumple sighed. Then he concentrated a bit and said, "Bae, I gotta go potty."

"Okay, c'mon," Neal rose and wait til Rumple came out of the booth before picking him up and taking him to the bathroom. _After that little drinking spree I am definitely having him and Killian wear Pull-Ups._

They all enjoyed their desserts, with Belle and Rumple feeding each other ice cream off their spoons.

Killian eyed them. "Ain't ya arfraid she's gonna give you germs, mate?" he asked Rumple.

Rumple gave him a patented don't-be-an-idiot look. "Belle doesn't have germs!" Then he accepted her spoonful of ice cream.

"Ugh! They's twitterpated!" Regina said, rolling her eyes.

"What's that?" asked Hook.

"Stuck on each other!"

"Yeah, like up each other's butts!" Killian snickered.

"We are not!" Belle snapped.

"You wanna wear this sundae?" growled Rumple.

"Okay, that's enough!" Emma ordered. "Killian, one more comment like that and you can go to bed when we get home and no making a costume."

"Sorry, Emma. An' sorry Rumple n' Belle."

Emma stopped at the store before going home to buy the necessary things they'd need to design the costumes.

Gwen licked Rumple all over when she saw him and he giggled and hugged her. "It's too bad you weren't there when Tamara grabbed us. You coulda bit her nasty butt!"

_And I would too! Nobody hurts my pups!_ Gwen sent, then she licked Belle, Regina, and Killian also.

"Let's make our costumes!" Regina sang and ran to the kitchen table.

As Emma set out the washable markers and stickers and got out some safety scissors and thread and a needle as well as sewable stars and moons for Rumple, Neal went and got his iPod and removed some of the more adult and racy songs, making it safe for Killian to listen to.

He also took Henry's and examined his older son's playlist, then said, "No downloading stuff like Eminem and nothing racy, understand? Now I know Regina gave you iTunes cards but you're not allowed to download anything till I approve it."

"Huh? You're kidding!" Henry protested. He was used to doing pretty much whatever he wanted, with only an occasional sidelong glance from an adult, so Neal's insistence that he was answerable to adult authority sort of shocked him.

"I'm not. And if you disobey me . . . you're grounded and this is mine," Neal said, waving the iPod.

"That sucks," muttered the boy. When he had said he wanted a father, he hadn't considered what that really meant. Now he did . . . and he wasn't too sure if he liked this aspect of it.

"I'm trying to not be unreasonable about this, kid, but there's a lot of things out there that you shouldn't be exposed to, and my job's to make sure you aren't. You might think I'm being a pain in the butt, just like I thought my papa was when he told me I couldn't hang out at the tavern after a certain time and sing drinking songs with the other kids down the street, but that's what a good dad does, he looks out for his kids. And if you don't like the consequences, don't get in trouble," he recited something Rumple always said to him whenever he whined about punishments as a boy. "Here. I've deleted a few songs here and there, but most of them can stay."

Henry took the iPod back. "I'll try and remember."

"Good. If you download something without showing me and it was an accident, I won't get mad. But you go behind my back and think I won't find out, we're going to have problems," Neal warned.

"Okay. I'll be good."

"I know, because you're a good kid," his dad said, and mussed his hair. "Now let's see what the imps are up to."

In the kitchen, Regina was putting a cat's face and whiskers on the back of her Pull-Up and coloring the cat's eyes a spooky green.

Belle was coloring a large star yellow and some red stripes on hers, while Killian had colored his Pull-Up an electric green and was writing Ha-ha-ha on it in red marker.

Rumple had colored his Pull-Up a soft sunset purple and was now sewing moons and stars cut outs on it industriously. The little boy didn't have the fine motor control he would have as an adult, but he still was very good with a needle and thread, sewing neatly and quickly for his age.

"I couldn't do that if I tried," Emma said to Neal. "Now what's up with all this?" she gestured to the kids and their new "jammies".

Neal told her what Archie had said, and why he'd suggested this new game. "I knew they'd fight me otherwise so . . ."

"Clever, Neal. Just like your dad," Emma chuckled. "Now how about some hot cocoa with cinnamon, since we never got to drink our coffee?"

"Sounds good to me," he said. "Then after that I think we ought to put these rugrats to bed."

"Yeah because after the day we've had, I'm beat," Emma said, then she cuddled into Neal's arms for a moment, thankful he was still around to cuddle with. As she looked up at him, smiling, he gazed down at her, and then he kissed her tenderly, forgetting that they had an audience.

Until they heard a loud squeal of, "Oooo!" and Killian yelled, "PDA, gotcha!"

Neal gave Emma a rueful glance and asked, "You sure you want to do this?"

Emma laughed. "It'll be the next great adventure, Bae. And we'll never be bored!"

"No, but we could be booking a room next to Greg in the nuthouse!" Neal sniggered. Then he looked over at the four Nevengers and called, "Finish up, guys, 'cause it's almost time for bed."

"Awww . . ._Dad_!" came the universal groan.

Rumple looked up from his sewing. "Let's make a deal."

Emma had to bury her face in a dishcloth to muffle her laughter.

"Ooh no!" Neal shook his head. "No deals, buddy. Not tonight."

"How 'bout five more minutes and a story," Rumple argued.

"How about you quit talking and finish sewing on that star," Neal returned, thinking, _you're such a little conniver, Papa! But I love you no matter what._ Then he laughed softly, thinking that he really had to consider moving into Rumple's salmon-pink Victorian soon, because this apartment was bursting at the seams.

**A/N: so who agrees with Ruby and wants to pinch little Rumple's cheek? Or any of the Nevenger's? Or hug them? Next up, some revelations about Blue and the Dark One curse! Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing, please continue to do so!**


	24. Rediscovering Mr Gold

**24**

**Rediscovering Mr. Gold**

Although they were both tired, Neal and Emma had a difficult time falling asleep. Any moment they expected to hear one of the children screaming after waking from a nightmare. They were all behaving like they'd put the day's terrifying events behind them only those memories often came to the surface during sleep as Neal knew from his studies. He had plenty of time to catch up on his own sleep. His father and the others needed them. When he checked on them two hours after they'd fallen asleep, they were all curled up on the air mattress, Rumple clutching his shawl tightly in his hand, Killian was holding his crocodile and Regina and Belle their My Little Ponies.

"They okay?" Emma asked when he returned to their bedroom.

"Seem to be."

Rumple was dreaming he was being chased by his father, Greg, Tamara and Blue, all of them telling him he was an evil child and needed to be destroyed. No matter where he tried to hide, they always found him and he couldn't find Bae. Bae had fallen through a portal and was lost to him. The terrified toddler woke up sweating profusely and at first he didn't know where he was until he saw Bae's shawl on his lap and his friends sleeping on the air mattress beside him wearing their special jammies and fought back his tears, wanting to be brave.

Then a few minutes later he heard Regina sniffling and glanced over to see her wide awake with tears in her eyes. "Why's people think we're bad, Rumple?" she asked sadly.

"You have a bad dream too?"

"Uh-huh. We were being chased by my mama, Greg, Tamara, the Blue Butt Muncher an' Pan. They kept telling us we were bad an they had to get rid of us. We're just kids! M'scared Rumple. Don't wanna sleep out here. I wanna sleep with Henry or Emma an Neal!" she wailed.

"Me neither."

Then they heard Belle crying out Rumple's name as she tossed and turned in her sleep. He gently shook her awake. When she opened her eyes she sat up and threw her arms around him. "They wanted to take you and Regina away!" she sobbed.

"S'okay Belle. No one's gonna take us away again. Bae won't let 'em."

Killian was the last to wake up. "You guys have a bad dream too?" he asked them, hugging his crocodile to his chest. "So was I."

"'Bout my papa, the Blue Butt Muncher and Greg and Tamara?"

"Uh-huh but Jack ate em!" Killian said with a grin.

"Who's Jack?" Belle asked.

Killian held up the crocodile. "I named him after Jack Sparrow. Don't wanna sleep out here tonight. You think Neal and Emma will let us sleep with them?"

"It'll be too crowded," Belle said.

"Yeah but I don't have nightmares when I sleep with Bae," Rumple reminded her.

"I'm either gonna sleep with them or Henry. Don't wanna have any more nightmares tonight!" Regina declared and headed for Henry's room and shook him awake.

"Whaaa….? Mo…..Regina? What's wrong?" he asked sleepily.

"Can I sleep with you? Please?" she begged.

Henry took one look at her tear filled eyes and knew instantly what was wrong. He'd had that look himself a few times when he was a child and woke up from a terrible nightmare. He scooted over and patted the empty space beside him. "Hop in."

"Thanks Henry," Regina said sleeply and curled up beside him.

Henry missed the adult Regina sometimes but he had the next best thing in her toddler self…a little sister he could protect the way she tried to protect him.

It was after two AM when Neal heard the bedroom door open and the pattering of little feet.

He raised his head, tapped Emma on the shoulder to alert her and saw Rumple, Killian and Belle standing in front of the bed, Rumple with his shawl draped over his shoulders while Killian held his crocodile. "Nightmares?" he asked.

All three nodded.

"Okay…everybody in," Emma invited. "Where's Regina? Don't tell me you left her out there alone!"

"Nuh-uh. She's sleepin with Henry," Killian answered.

"Okay, good. C'mon guys."

Rumple and Belle slept on either side of Neal while Killian curled up beside Emma. It was a bit crowded in the bed but Neal, like his father, was willing to give up his own comfort for one night so the children would sleep without being bothered by another nightmare.

The next morning over breakfast Neal reminded the children of their planned visit to Archie. Emma decided to go back to the convent herself and continue her search through Blue's papers.

The children were a bit nervous at first but Archie allowed them to play with Pongo a bit while he and Neal talked more about Neal's plans to break the dagger curse.

They both believed that finding it first was the most important thing. Knowing Rumple as well as they did, he would not make it easy for them to locate it. Archie wanted to try hypnosis to unlock Rumple's adult memories from his subconscious in the hopes that he would tell them where the dagger was hidden. First, however, they needed to talk to the children about the traumatic events they'd experienced. Archie wanted Neal to sit in on the sessions to make the children more comfortable talking about their experiences with an adult they trusted sitting close by and it would give Neal the experience he would need when he conducted his own counseling sessions.

"Why do we gotta talk about it?" Rumple asked him.

"Sometimes when we talk things out it makes us feel better," Archie said to him. "And Neal will be right here."

"That's right, buddy."

"All right, why don't we sit in a circle, like we're sitting around a campfire?" Archie suggested. "Neal, there's some pillows in the closet over there. Would you get them out for me please?"

"Sure."

"I like this . . . kinda like storytime at the library," Belle said softly.

She was sitting beside Rumple as she always did while Neal sat on his other side. Killian was on the other side of Neal. Regina was sitting between Killian and Archie. Rumple was holding Neal's shawl, Killian, his crocodile and the girls their My Little Ponies. Neal asked them to bring their favorite items with them to their session and they were more than happy to comply.

Archie looked over at Killian and said, "Okay, Killian, can you tell me what you felt when Tamara and Greg took you away?"

"Scared...and really mad 'cause we were having so much fun and it seems like every time we are some butthead wants to ruin it!"

"And were you scared about what they might do to you, or more worried about your friends here?"

"More scared for Rumple 'n Regina 'cause they said they were gonna hurt them if we didn't do what they said," Hook elaborated.

Archie cleared his throat. "And what did you think about them-these people who kidnapped you? Did you think they were crazy?"

"Yeah they belonged in the nuthouse with the rest of the nuts."

"I see. And how did you all escape from them?"

He smirked. "Belle punched Greg in the nuts, I kicked him in the nuts an' Regina tied him up. Rumple was in a lotta pain 'cause the dick dropped him."

Neal looked at his father. "Rumple, you didn't tell me you were hurt!"

"A little. I hit my head when he dropped me." Rumple shrugged. He was used to getting hurt, so he normally didn't even bother mentioning it.

"He wanted us to wear pee stained clothes!" Regina said angrily.

"That's disgusting!" Neal said angrily. Then he shook his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't be saying anything."

"It was'gusting," Belle agreed.

"And why did they say you had to wear these disgusting clothes?" Archie asked.

"Dunno...I think they were gonna do some tests on us..you know like in a doctor's office..." Rumple cringed while he said this.

Archie frowned. "Did they tell you why they kidnapped you, Rumple?"

"They said we belonged in hell and we were the spawn of the devil and we were 'bominations who would grow up to be magical freaks." He recited the litany he'd heard from Greg, Tamara, Pan, and Blue. "I'm not a freak...am I?"

"No, you most certainly aren't," Archie asserted. "Do you think you are, Rumple?" His dark eyes grew concerned.

"I dunno! My papa thought I was bad, the Blue Butt Muncher thinks I'm bad and those people thought I was bad!" Rumple cried, frustrated and confused, his brown eyes pools of sorrow and despair.

"They're just a bunch of stupid dicks mate...uhhh...sorry, Dad,"  
Killian said sheepishly.

"It's okay," Neal said quickly. "Just this once . . .if you have to use bad language to . . . err make a point . . .you can do so here."

"Yeah, well that crap made me mad!" Killian yelled. "We're just kids an' I don't understand why people gotta be so mean to kids!"

"And they treat Rumple and Regina the worst and that makes ME mad!" cried Belle.

"Who does?" Archie queried. "The people who kidnapped you or other people you know . . . like the Blue Fairy?"

"The Butt Muncher, Pan, and those idiots who took us!" Belle answered.

"I see. And all of them . . . why did they say Rumple and Regina are bad? Because they wouldn't do what they wanted? Or because they had magic?"

"Cause we have magic," Regina replied.

"My papa's always said I was bad," Rumple answered. "That I was a useless, no-account piece of trash that he shoulda gotten rid of long ago."

"He was dumbass! Pan treated Rumple like a slave but we fixed him. Sent him to hell and the Butt Muncher should go there with him too!" Killian snarled.

"So it seems you've got a lot of anger towards Blue," Archie surmised. "And how did that start? What did she do or say that's made you feel this way about her?"

"Started when Neal took us to the convent to have her watch us," Regina explained.

"Yeah, she treated Regina and me like crap the whole time, hit me with a ruler and slammed Belle's nose in a book. Acted like we were always doing bad things and it was really George mostly," Rumple recalled.

"She gave me the itchies down there!" Killian grumbled.

"And she kept saying we was evil and we didn't do nothin' to her!" Regina objected.

"She called Rumple the Dark One and wouldn't let us eat the same food like everybody else," Belle snapped. "She made us eat cold yucky corn mush when the other kids all got peanut butter n'jelly sandwiches and chocolate pudding!"

"She sent us back home and we got kidnapped by Pan!" Killian added.

"An' almost eaten by ogres, 'cept Robin Hood saved us," Rumple reminded them.

"An we gots to play with Roland for a bit. I wish we could see him an Robin again." Regina smiled.

"He was nice," agreed Belle. "But that was the only nice thing about going back there. The Lost Boys n' Felix sucked!"

"Yeah but we got them good too eh?' Killian grinned evilly.

"What did you do?" asked Archie curiously. The kids resilience surprised him.

"We gave em the poops!" Regina announced.

Archie's mouth quivered. "Ahh . . . dare I ask how?"

"Umm . . . I did it," Rumple explained. "See, there's an herb called senna . . . I know it 'cause Lizabeth, she's the spinner lady my papa left me with when he abandoned me . . .she was a healer an' she taught me what herbs were good for sick people. Senna's good for when you get constipated . . .when you can't poop and your tummy hurts. So I made a tea an' first I gave it to my papa and then I gave some to Regina n' Belle to put in the Lost Boy's stew."

"Your papa was Peter Pan, right?" Archie clarified, struggling not to laugh. "And how did doing that make you feel, Rumple? Did it make you feel better?"

"For a while...then he took us to Skull Rock...cause he needed my heart to stay young..."

"Sacrificial magic?" Archie asked, horrified.

"Yeah."

"Then the REAL Peter Pan, his name's really Gabriel told us we had to break the hourglass to kill Pan so we did," Belle told him.

"Yes," Rumple replied. "See. my papa's always been an asshole . . .ever since I was born . . . he said I ruined his life . . .that I was . . . was a worm that was useless and . . . and drained him dry . . . he always hated me . . . he never loved me . . ." tears fell from Rumple's eyes. "And I tried . . . I tried to make him love me . . .but he . . . I guess he couldn't love me cause I was . . . bad . . ."

"You're not bad!" he friends cried.

"I am!" he shouted, more tears dripping down his face. "If . . . If I was better . . .then . . . my papa should have loved me . . . like other kids' papas do! If I'm not bad then . . . why do all these people say I am! WHY?" he screamed, and suddenly several items on Archie's desk flipped over and fell on the floor.

The others grabbed him and pulled him in for a group hug.

"C'mon, Rumple, don't think like that...please..." Belle pleaded.

"They're assholes mate...they're the bad ones." Killian added.

"We love you... and so do Emma, Henry, and Neal that's all that matters," Regina chanted.

"How . . . how can you love me . . . when my own papa didn't?" Rumple sobbed.

"B'cause . . . we learned to see with our hearts, not with our eyes," Belle said, also crying. "An' your heart always sees true, it never lies!"

"And you're wayyyyy better n he was mate."

"Your papa was like my mama," Regina sniffled. "He was never happy n' nothin' was ever good enough for him . . . specially not his own kid. . .and he was cold and nasty and UGLY inside! With a heart black as coal . . . all dried up an' shriveled. You can't love somebody with a heart like that, Rumple."

"All you can love is yourself," Belle added.

"Pan didn't love nobody, mate," Hook declared. "He was like a shark-all he cared 'bout was eating people . . . and he tried to eat you up, Rumple . . . only you wouldn't let him."

"I . . . almost did . . ." Rumple shivered.

"No," Belle disagreed. "You were brave . . when Pan tried to take your heart . . . you used white magic the most powerful magic of all-and you freed us from his spell. You used magic HE never could! 'Cause you're a good person, Rumple! I've always known that!"

"Friends forever," Regina reminded him.

"Yeah and WE know who's good and who's bad," Killian stated.

"Believe in yourself, Rumple," Belle urged, hugging him tight. "Like we do."

Archie was astounded by the strong bond that forged between the four of them through their experiences.

Despite all of the trauma they had been through, there was a core of steel within these children, something that kept them from shattering under the blows they had been dealt by those who should have protected and loved them. It was a silent testimony to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of the human heart.

"M' getting sleepy again," Killian complained, rubbing his eyes. He reached for his crocodile and lay down on the pillow."Wanna sleep without people chasing me and needing Jack to eat 'em."

"People chasing you, son?" asked Archie. "Are you talking about a nightmare?"

"Uh-huh. Had one last night...we all did."

"About what happened to you?"

"Uh-huh. Jack ate them all up but I wanted to sleep with Neal n Emma anyway."

Archie chuckled. "So i take it that you feel safe with Neal and Emma?"

"Yeah. Rumple says he doesn't have nightmares when he sleeps with Neal...and I didn't after we went in their room either."

"I stayed in Henry's room," Regina said.

"They're gonna 'dopt us...right?" Belle asked Neal.

"And we're gonna live in the pink house," said Regina.

"Yes . . . because that's what you all deserve," Neal said, his voice hoarse from keeping his emotions in check. "You deserve someone to love you forever and protect you and that's what Emma and I are going to do . . . for as long as you need us to."

"So when are we gonna move in to the pink house?" the little queen asked.

"Uh . . .I'm not sure yet . . . but soon," Neal said, hoping his papa wouldn't mind when he finally became his adult self again.

"Oh, goodie" Regina clapped her hands excitedly

Killian was snoring on his pillow.

"It's salmon," Rumple sighed. "Not pink. An' I hope whoever usta live there doesn't mind us living in it."

"It's pink." Regina argued.

Belle rolled her eyes. "Not again!"

"Guys!" Neal held up a hand. "How about we agree to disagree, okay? And buddy, I don't think you have to worry about whoever lived there before minding because . . . that house used to belong to my papa. And since he's not here . . . I can say who gets to live in it."

Belle thought about mentioning their mission to find his father but decided they would surprise him instead...if they could find his father.

"And we can build a clubhouse in the backyard," Rumple stated.

Regina shook Killian. "Hey, wake up!"

"Leeme lone...sleepin."

"But Killian we're gonna live in the salmon house!" Belle giggled excitedly.

"Uh-huh...tell me later...tired."

"Butthole!" Regina grumbled and shook him again.

And then there was the unmistakable sound of someone breaking wind.

"GROSS!" Rumple yelled, scooting backwards on his pillow.

The little pirate smirked and smothered his laughter in his own pillow.

"You're 'sgusting!" Regina screeched. "You . . . farted in my FACE!"

"Asked for it," he retorted.

"Why I oughta . . ." an irritated Regina cocked a fist at the little pirate.

"Ah, get over it. Like you don't do it!"

"Not in somebody's face, you lout!" Regina snapped.

Archie chuckled. "I take it things like this are a normal occurence?"

Neal nodded."Pretty much all the time. One minute they're best friends, the next minute they wanna beat each other to a pulp."

"Nah but I hate it when he farts!" Regina yelled.

"Yeah, well you sound like nails on a chalkboard sometimes."

"Y'know, Rumple, sometimes I think maybe Killian is Regina's true love," Belle mused.

"Yup . . .I think you may be right, dearie," the former pawnbroker said sagely.

"No way!"

"Nuh-uh...not going there," grumbled the half-asleep pirate.

"You might not want to go there . . . but maybe your heart does," Rumple said. "Maybe you oughta listen to it . . .like you keep telling me."

"Mate, I like Regina as a friend but not as a girlfriend...kay?"

Rumple just chuckled. "You might change your mind . . . someday . . ."

"Besides, I want someone like Robin Hood." Regina insisted.

"M'gonna be like that Hugh Hefner guy and live in a big house n have lotsa girlfriends," Killian said.

"Not on the sea?' Belle asked.

"Not when I'm older, nah."

"Ya wanna be a gigolo?" Rumple cried. "Hells bells, what are ya, nuts? You think you gots problems now with just us you'll have twenty times that with a bunch of women."

"Who's High Hefner n why's he have lotsa girlfriends?' Regina asked the little pirate.

"Makes magazines of naked girls," Killian answered. "Dunno how I know...just do."

Belle scowled. "That's bad!"

"Oh yeah well, if you were bigger I bet you'd wanna see him naked!" Killian taunted, pointing at Rumple.

"Good lord!" Archie exclaimed, laughing so much he was in tears.

"Hey, dearie! Belle ain't like my papa!" Rumple exclaimed. "He tol' me all you do with a naked person is fuck 'em and leave 'em."

"What?!" Neal gasped.

Rumple nodded. "When I was with him in his hut on Neverland, he had this magazine with a naked girl on the cover . . . and when I asked him why he said he liked to look at it . . . and when I asked what you do with a naked woman that's what he said."

Neal snorted. "Well, he's wrong but that's a discussion we'll be having when you're Henry's age."

"I didn't really believe him . . . Papa always lied a lot . . . but he did say he never loved my mama either . . ." Rumple said sadly. "And I know he meant that."

Just then Neal's phone buzzed with a text message.

He unlocked it to see a note from Emma.

**Found something. And there's someone we need to talk to. See if you and Archie can get Rumple to tell you where the dagger is.**

Neal turned to Rumple. "Rumple . . . do you . . . err . .. remember having a wavy knife?"

"Huh? Not supposed to play with weapons."

"It's really important . . . think about if you ever saw a knife like that . .. it was big and . . .err . . .it was really sharp and had a design on the blade . . . like a name . . ." Neal probed.

"No...I never saw anything like that...knives are dangerous."

Neal sighed and looked at Archie. He didn't know how to get Rumple to remember something he'd forgotten.

"Rumple, would you and the others like to nap a bit?" Archie suggested.

Rumple considered. "Err . . . yeah I am kinda sleepy . . ." He yawned.

"All right. I'm going to count backwards from ten and when I'm done...you'll all be asleep...okay?"

"Kay!" they all murmured.

Archie began counting. He'd only gotten to seven before all of them were asleep. He concentrated on Rumple.

"I'd like to speak to Mr. Gold...is he here?" Archie asked softly.

Though the curse was inactive, Rumple's adult self was still locked in his subconscious and he was hoping to contact it through deep hypnosis.

"Who?" the toddler asked.

"Concentrate, Rumple...journey through the doorways in your mind...there's another part of you...his name is Mr. Gold...and we must speak to him."

"'Kay...I'll try."

"I'm going to count backwards from ten...ten...nine...eight..."

"Rumple?' Archie asked again.

"What do you want, cricket?" the child asked in a cold tone similar to what Rumple sounded like as his adult self.

"Papa...I'm here too...it's Bae..."

"Bae..." his tone softened, hearing his son's voice.

"Papa, I need you to listen to me carefully...your dagger...we need to know where it's hidden."

"Why? Source of my power...without it...I can't protect you...or Belle...will be nothing but the crippled, cowardly spinner again."

"No, you're not . . .you . . .learned to use magic differently now . . . and we need to know where the dagger is because . . .we need to prevent somebody . . .like Cora, from using it to control you." Bae persuaded.

"Regression spell...reborn as a white magician...

"Can you tell me, Papa? You know I'd never hurt you . . . or let anyone else hurt you . . . I swear . . ."

"In my shop...hidden...key is hers and my talisman...strength of our love...

"You and Belle?" Bae clarified.

"Yes." he smiled again. "Her cup..."

"Okay . . . do we need to do anything with it . . .?" Bae queried.

"Return it to its saucer in the cabinet in the shop. Blood magic, Bae...remember what I told you...

"You need to touch the object, right, Papa? I'm sorry if I sound stupid . . ."

"Enchanted...will only work for me or mine. Believe and it will show you where I hid it."

"I will, Papa," his son replied.

"Keep me a child...until you break the curse...its what you want to do, isn't it?" Gold asked then.

"Yes . . .I do . . .I want my father back . . ."

"Curse requires more than true love's kiss to break...but you can do it. I believe in you." Mr. Gold said sincerely. "It would have worked before...had I been willing..."

"But now . . .?"

"Now it's more difficult. I want to be the father you wanted Bae...and the man Belle loves. And I can't be as long as I carry the burden of the Dark One. It's time to let it go."

"Yes . . .I'll help you, Papa. It's my fault you were cursed."

"No...I...I was tricked...but later...I...didn't realize I didn't need power to be the father you needed...I needed courage. I would sacrifice all for you, son, it's what a real father does."

"And you needed understanding too . . . but I was just a kid . . . I didn't realize you were trying to protect me . . . I trusted that bitch Blue . . . and she screwed us both over, Papa!"

"Didn't want to be like...him..."

"You were never like him!" Bae said sharply. "Even on your worst day! You were always a better man. I didn't know that then but I know it now . .. I do!"

"Help me break this curse, Bae...until then...I guess you'll have to put up with the Nevengers. Now you know why my hair was gray so early in life."He chuckled.

"Oh God, Papa! I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass!"

"You're learning...being a parent isn't easy. It takes lots of patience and plenty of Ivory."

"Umm . . . yeah . . . and sometimes a sore butt too . . ." his son laughed.

"Hurts us more than them...now you understand." Gold smirked.

"I do . . . heaven help me I do . . . and I don't know how the hell you did it . . .some of the things I did . . ."

"You were worth every bit of trouble, Bae. The day I lost you was the darkest of my life...one I would take back if I could."

"Me too . . .but now we have each other . . .and I'll try to give you what you gave me . . .your love unconditionally and always."

"You always have...and you've given me what I never had...a papa who loved me..."

"Well, I learned from the best . . ." Neal coughed, tearing up. "YOU."

"I wasn't always the best, Bae...but I love you for thinking it."

"You were my hero, Papa . . .and you still are . . ."

"Thank you for that." Mr. Gold smiled wryly. "This curse, Bae...if the price to be paid for breaking it harms you in any way...don't do it. Leave me this way."

"You mean . . . you want to stay a child . . . and grow up all over again?"

"All magic comes with a price, Bae, and breaking the darkest of all curses usually requires a sacrifice...I don't know if this one does or not but I would rather stay a child than lose you again." He told his son firmly. "I trust you to raise me right, if that's the case. So green light, Baelfire. But...if it is broken...sometimes I'd like to be my child self...to keep you on your toes," Rumple grinned impishly. "Until you come to your senses and give me another grandchild that is...or I give you a brother or sister."

"Uh . . .I'll need to talk to Emma first . . .and I think you'd better discuss some things with Belle too . . . but whatever happens, happens. Que sera, Papa."

"Before you use the cup...take the box in it out first."

"Is there something special about the box?"

He smiled. "I was going to ask...when Emma's potion wore off."

"Ahh . . . okay . . . I'll put it somewhere safe . . ." Bae laughed.

"She's already said she'll marry me anyway..." Gold muttered. "And I am going to bop Regina over the head if she calls my house pink one more damned time."

Bae started laughing harder. "She always could get your goat, Papa."

"So does Hook...but he's not so bad anymore."

"And they say the same about you," Bae said.

"Hopefully not for long...break my curse with my blessing, Bae."

"I will, Papa. And remember-love is hope."

"Love conquers all," he murmured. "Okay, Hopper . . . . wake me up."

"All right, Rumple . . .I'm going to count backwards from ten . . . and when you open your eyes you're going to feel refreshed and not remember anything you've just told us . . ." Archie said.

Rumple opened his eyes as soon as Archie finished counting and stretched.

"Hey, buddy. Did you have a nice nap?" asked Neal.

"Yeah." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. His hand stroked the shawl and then he put it down and asked, "Where's the potty?"

"That door there," Archie indicated a door to the left of the one leading out of the office.

Rumple rose and limped quickly into the bathroom, using his cane to maneuver neatly around the other sleeping children.

As he shut the door, Neal turned to Archie and said, "Damn, but that was rough. I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck."

"Sometimes some sessions are like that. But we've made progress . . . and you know where the dagger is now," the therapist reminded him.

"Right, and that's really important." Neal nodded. But he had a feeling he was going to have some bad dreams of his own later on that night. "Let me text Emma and tell her."

**A/N: So how did y'all like my counseling/hyposis session? A lot of it came from counseling sessions I held back when I was an assistant to a councilor for abused children down in Fl. Also had help from CJ Moliere too! Hugs and love and let me know what you think! Thanks!**


	25. A Maleficent Solution

**25**

**A Maleficent Solution**

One of the papers Emma had found in Blue's office spoke about dark enchantments forged long ago in the Kingdom of Air and Darkness, which was what the mortals called the realm of the dark fae, the UnSeelie Sidhe, in the Gaelic tongue of the Celts, as Emma knew from her brief forays into Celtic mythology as a teenager. It said that many dark objects had been created in that kingdom, by the dark fae mages . . .and one of them was rumored to be the famed dagger of the Dark One. Emma had immediately texted Neal upon finding this out and received a return text from him about forty-five minutes later.

**I'm headed to Papa's shop, the dagger is in there. Meet me there when you're done. Please pick up kids, they're at Archie's.**

Emma tucked the paper she had found into her pocket and went to speak with Nova, to ask her to verify the validity of this document with her magic. She didn't want to go on a wild goose chase if the information contained in there was false. And she also knew Blue was a sly one and would do anything to protect herself, to hell with everyone else.

Her heart sped up at the thought that Neal had succeeded in finding the dagger. She just hoped it wasn't too hard to retrieve. Knowing Gold's penchant for puzzles and cleverness, it could prove tricky to recover, but she had faith in her boyfriend.

She was also hoping that somehow Rumple's rebirth, so to speak had given him the courage he needed to let go of the curse and its dark powers once and for all.

She really adored little Rumple, and often thought of him as her surrogate son, like what Henry could have been like had she raised him from a baby, strange as that sounded. She could also see glimpses of Neal in the little boy, and even sometimes herself, as the unwanted lost girl who just longed for a family and a place to call home. In a way, she supposed, they were all lost children, her, Neal, and the four toddlers.

Through a miscast spell of her own doing, she'd somehow set them all on the path that led them home...to each other.

And perhaps, she mused, that miscast spell had not been such a mistake after all . . .maybe there really were no coincidences, as her mother sometimes said.

She found Nova in her office deep in thought, sensing the young nun was still debating what should be done about their problem child.

The dark-haired fairy looked up as Emma entered. "Hello. Was there something you needed?"

"I need you to look at something for me. Specifically I need to know if it is legitimate or one of Blue's little tricks. Neal and I believe this information can break the dagger curse on Rumplestiltskin and I don't want to use it if it is false." She handed the nun the papers.

Nova took them and laid them flat on her desk. She flicked her wrist and her wand slid down from her sleeve into her hand. "I can cast a spell that will verify the age and contents of the document." She waved the wand over the papers and whispered some words in a liquid sounding tongue.

"Is it real or am I wasting my time and have to actually ask that malicious bitch."

The papers glowed with a brief blue shimmer which changed to gold, flickered, and then it went out. Nova nodded. "These are legitimate documents, Emma, and all of the contents are true."

Emma breathed a sigh of relief. "From what I'm gathering a dark fae mage would know more about the dagger's origins? You wouldn't happen to know one that would be willing to help...would you? Aside from the one I'd like to put through a wall that is."

Nova looked uneasy. "Well . . . the only dark fae mage of power here is one that you fought before . .. as the dragon in the library basement."

"Are you kidding me? Her? She'd sooner roast me than help me and she's dead!"

"No . . . Maleficent is not dead. It's very hard to kill a dark fae, Emma. Very hard . . . for they don't always keep all their life force in one form, especially not a shifter like she is. You slew her in her dragon form . . . but she has two others, a human-like one, and a hybrid form as well."

"And ummm...how do you suggest I approach her without her wanting to roast me?"

Unless, Emma thought, she actually has respect for me as an adversary. Gold and Regina, though they have their spats actually do respect each other.

"I was actually going to speak to her myself . . . about Blue. You see . . . all of us fairies are distant cousins of each other, both dark and light, it's just our principles and use of magic that differ. And Mal is . . . or was . . .once a Light fae, but she was cast out for using forbidden magic . . . and became a high ranking member of the Court of Air and Darkness," Nova explained.

"Let me guess, Blue cast her out...a bit of jealousy there?"

"Yes . . . because Mal was her second cousin once removed . . . and stronger than she was with certain types of magic-the magic of Fire and Earth . . . and Blue has never done well with rivals."

"Maybe you should come with me then and we can address both issues with her at the same time? If you can guarantee I won't become a crispy critter," Emma said nervously.

"Oh, I can. You see, for all that she follows the dark path, Mal still has a code of honor, and you defeated her in fair combat . . . so she has no hard feelings towards you."

Emma breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm ready to go when you are."

Nova handed her the papers. "Then, by all means, let us pay a visit to my cousin." She waved her wand and a glowing doorway formed in the middle of the office. "Go through, it will take you to her lair . . . and I shall follow after."

"All right." The young woman took a deep breath and stepped through the magical door, returning to the scene of the biggest battle of her life. She never expected that she, a simple bail bonds person would stand against a fire breathing dragon armed only with a sword and win yet it was her love for Henry that gave her the strength to complete her task.

Nova slipped through the Gate a moment later, and moved to close it behind her. She was slightly uneasy as well, but then Malificent had always made her so, even before she had been cast out. It was her presence-she had always been elegant and poised, like a ruler. And Nova suspected that was why Blue had such issues with her.

'What do we do now?" Emma whispered.

"We wait," Nova answered. "She knows we're here."

Emma was hoping they didn't have to wait long.

An instant later there was whoosh of greenish yellow light and when it faded, there stood the dark enchantress, clad in midnight robes with curling beast horns sticking out of her forehead and large green eyes.

_God, she looks just like Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty_, Emma thought. _But_ _I shouldn't be surprised_.

Mal smiled coldly. "Nova. Sheriff Swan," she inclined her head briefly. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this . . .visit?"

"I'm not here to kill you..." Emma began.

The enchantress threw back her head and laughed. "If you were, darling, you wouldn't be breathing right now." The green eyes hardened.

"This may sound a bit odd...but we're here to ask for your help with a few issues."

One pointed fingernail tapped her chin. "_My _ help . . . how very . . . delectable! And what could the Savior of Storybrooke need with a dark enchantress? Want to curse someone, do you? And don't want to get your hands dirty?"

"No, I want to remove a curse...the Dark One Curse."

Mal's eyebrows rose into her hair. "Indeed. And why do you assume I know anything about that?"

"From what I understand...the dagger itself was created by dark fae. And you now are a member of the Court of Air and Darkness." Emma declared. "You know all there is to know about dark magic."

"Oh, not everything . . .only the dark gods know all," the fairy corrected. "But I know a fair amount . . .I have been a dark mage for a long long time."

"Then you'll help me?" Emma asked hopefully.

"For a price," Mal answered.

"Name it." She didn't care what it cost her. She would do this for Neal...and Rumple.

"I want my freedom. I want out of this prison . . . and a place to stay where I am safe from attacks by idiots wanting to make a name for themselves as heroes. I want to be able to continue my studies in peace . . ." Her eyes flashed. "Understand, I am no mortal's plaything . . .not even Regina Mill's!"

"Agreed. I will make sure she never bothers you again. She can't right now anyway. She's under a regression spell and has changed as a result."

Mal chuckled. "Ahh . . . now that's the best revenge . . ." She held out a hand. "Do we have a deal, Miss Swan?"

"Deal!" the sheriff said enthusiastically and shook her hand.

Mal smiled. "Now . . . you are correct in assuming the dagger was created by one of my people . . .ages ago . . . when the fae were a power in the world, both this world and our own realm. "

"How do we break its hold on Rumple? "He tried true love's kiss but thinks it didn't work because he wasn't willing to forsake its power." The savor told her. "And does him now being a white magician in a regressed state have anything to do with it?"

"Yes . . .it has everything to do with it. You see, a cursed object like the dagger seeks out desperate souls, and those who bear it must have a need to become powerful, they must WANT the power for something-usually for themselves, but in Rumple's case it's different. He took the power for someone else, and sacrificed his soul. That's why his curse can be broken by something other than death. And it's why as a child the dagger curse is impotent. Because there is no purer soul than an innocent child, and the curse has nothing to grasp."

"So how do we do it?"

"It will require a trip into Fairy Tale Land. To the home of the greatest of all white magicians, the Master of all cursebreakers, and the Keeper of Exclaibur," Mal answered with a flourish. "Myrddin Emrys, the half-blood, whom you also know as-"

"Merlin!" Emma exclaimed.

"Yes, the hawk, as he is known among your people." Mal nodded. "To him you must go . . . and he shall tell you what is necessary to remove the curse of the dark one . . . if you can find him."

She smiled. Rumple idolized the magician as a child and would at last get the chance to meet him. She could see the excitement in his little face."Oh I think Rumple could...he idolizes him as his child self."

Maleficent laughed darkly. "It is said among my people that Merlin is everywhere at once, never where you think, and yet always where he wishes to be."

"Well, if anyone can find him, my boy can," Emma said confidently.

"Such faith you have in this . . . crippled former pawnbroker," the dark fae sneered. "But be warned, Merlin himself is a trickster, he appears in many guises . . . rather like one of us . . ."

"He's changed, Mal...you don't mind if I call you that, do you?"

The fairy snorted. "I have been called much worse . .. and by my own kin. So . . . the Dark One has turned his coat, aye? And is once more a white practitioner? Such a thing leaves a . . .hole in the Balance."

"Somehow that doesn't sound good."

The dark fae spread her hands. "It's not. All things in Balance, Emma Swan-no night without day, no day without night-and no dark magic without its light opposite. If one is in ascendance . . .the Balance shall work to correct the deficit . .. one way or another."

"He doesn't want any harm to come to his son, and gave us strict instructions to keep him a child if that's what it takes."

"It may very well do so," Mal replied. "But even then . . .the Balance must be maintained. If Rumplestiltskin is no longer the dark's servant . . . than another must take his place. It is the Law."

Emma sighed. "Then I guess we will be raising him. Neal is his life...Because that dagger...in the hands of someone else...I don't even want to think about it. He at least has some control over it."

Mal shook her head. "You misunderstand me, mortal. I never said the change had to be immediate, or that a willing sacrifice found immediately. Just that eventually that deficit must be corrected . . . by whomever the Balance sees as willing to do so. It could take years . . . centuries . . . but eventually there will be a Dark Power to Balance his Light . . . like Morgause was the Dark Power to Balance Merlin centuries ago . . .so even if you destroy the dagger .. .there shall rise another Dark One."

"Well I hope to hell its not in our lifetime. My family has been through enough!"

"Who can say? Not even I. The Fates rule all, Emma Swan. And our destiny is in their hands."

"Fate seems to be a real bitch sometimes."

"Indeed. Fortune's wheel is ever fickle. You rise and fall based upon the choices of a moment . . . and those choices may sometimes lead you where you never thought you'd go. Look at me. I was not always as I am now. Once I was like her," Mal pointed at Nova. "Until black jealousy and ambition cast me into darkness . . . and my own rage and hatred kept me there."

"Well, I think part of it had to do with our second issue." Emma gestured to the other fairy."The floor's yours Nova."

"So . . . cousin, what brings you to my . . .shadowy domain?" asked Malificent mockingly, gesturing to the crumbling rocks and dripping walls surrounding them. "Trouble in paradise?"

"That's an understatement," Emma muttered under her breath.

Nova cleared her throat. "Well, as you probably know . . . Blue is . . . no longer herself. She's had a regression spell cast upon her too . . .by Emma."

"Had to..the little bitch hurt my kids!"

"Do tell!" chuckled the enchantress. "My spoiled little whelp of a cousin . . .hurting children? How very . . ironic! She once accused ME of that . . . and it was a lie. For I never harmed children . . . not then anyhow."

"And Rumple's son took a ruler to her ass...and Rumple set it on fire before that. Too bad he didn't roast her." Emma related, her eyes flashing.

Mal threw back her head and laughed. "Ah-hahaha! Magnificent!" The dark fae's eyes glittered like precious gemstones with her mirth. "I have wanted to do that for so many years . . .even as a handmaid in my great-aunt's court! Rumplestiltskin set her on fire? Baelfire walloped her? Why?" she looked like a teenager about to hear some juicy gossip, almost rubbing her hands together in glee.

"Well...after I accidently regressed him and some of the others into kids...we needed a place to keep them while I tried to find a way to reverse it so we brought them to the convent for her to keep an eye on...what a mistake that was! She treated him, Regina and Belle, that's Rum's girlfriend, like crap.

"Why am I not surprised?" snorted Mal. "She prates about loving humans . . . but she only loves those who follow her . . ."

"They're just three year olds but she said vicious things, slammed Belle's nose in a book and beat Rumple with a ruler! Rumple tried to roast her after slamming his girl's nose in a book. You hurt Belle and you may as well dig a grave because he gets vicious."

"And who among us would not . . . if defending the one we love," Mal said. "And such nastiness towards a mere child . . . for I am sure his spell was naught as a toddler compared to what it would have been as a grown man."

"It wasn't but she wasn't done with them yet. She picked a fight with them in the playground but the worst was sending them back to the Forest...right in the path of ogres and Rumple's own father who called himself Peter Pan and was a child abusing son of a bitch who wanted him dead to keep himself young!" Emma snarled. "He still has nightmares from all of it and for THAT I want that jellyfish to pay!"

Maleficent smiled, a wicked grin. "'Twould seem the Savior is as fierce as any mother bear defending her cub . . . and not as willing to forgive and forget as her milksop parents. How refreshing! An old style heroine . . . who knows when to give ground . .. and when to kick ass." She clapped politely. "I like you, Swan. You remind me a bit of myself . . . when I was young, before my cousin betrayed me . . . and I became comfortable with the shadows as my home."

Nova eyed her warily. "So, you see, we . . . err . . . have a bit of a problem, Mal. Blue is . . . well, you know what she's like . . . and . . . we're having difficulty controlling her . . . she doesn't listen to any of us . . .even as a child . . ."

"And I want her the hell away from my kids!"

"I wouldn't think so. She doesn't respect you, darling . . .Blue has always been cosseted and spoiled . . .given everything upon a silver platter," Mal growled. "And I would too, were I in your place," she nodded at Emma. "So . . . what do you want me to do about her? Turn her into a rug and beat her?"

"Tempting," Emma said with a smirk.

Nova wrung her hands. "Err . . . that is, my sisters and I were . .. umm . . ."

Mal rolled her eyes. "Gods and hells, Nova, spit it out! What?"

"We . . . we wantyoutoraiseBlue," Nova blurted rapidly, before she lost her nerve.

Malificent nearly fell over. "Excuse me? You . . . want ME . . . the dark enchantress, the outcast . . . to raise the Blue Fairy? Has the world stopped spinning?"

Emma started laughing. "Now that is the best revenge!"

Mal smirked diabolically. "Yes . . . indeed! I knew that was why I liked you! The Mistress of Air and Darkness to raise the Light's problem child . . .and perhaps to teach her that not ALL things are black and white . . . but shades of gray . . . and while I may be dark. . . even I am not without SOME compassion or scruples . . ." The dark fairy chuckled. "But don't think for a minute that this . . . plan of yours can redeem me . . . for I'm not going back to the light, not for anything! However . . . I shall do a kinswoman's duty and raise my cousin . . ."

"You have my sympathy," Emma said. "I have my hands full enough taking care of a pirate, the evil queen, Rumple and his girlfriend, not to mention my own kid."

"I think, darling . . . that Blue shall top all of yours," sighed the old fairy. "But fear not . . . it's been a long time since I had a challenge . . . and I can match wits with the best of them . . . and she'll not run circles around ME!"

"Good. And I know at least if she's with you, she'll leave my kids alone."

"Indeed. But I do insist I move out of here before then," Mal said.

Nova bit her lip. "Of course, but . . . you shan't hurt her . . will you?"

Mal snorted. "No, I shall not-as mortals say-abuse the brat. But I shall be a lot firmer than you lot are . . . and my discipline will be as well. No child ever died of a spanking or two . . .or a skipped night of supper . . .or scrubbing the floor . . ."

"Stock up on Ivory," Emma advised. "She has a mouth like a sailor. It's soap...and no kid likes the taste of it."

"Ahh, gods!" Mal looked up at the ceiling. "I shall pray to the Morrigan and Hecate for patience then . . . and take your advice. Where do you get this . . . Ivory?"

Emma waved her hand and a large pack of it appeared in her palm.

"Let her sit with a bar of that in her mouth for a while and she'll get the hint. MY kids do...oh and Rumple used to put the fear of God into Neal with a look . . .or counting to three. Works every time."

"Hmm . . .and what happened after he got to three?" asked Mal curiously.

"Then it was a swat and facing a wall for five minutes."

"I see. And what do you call that?"

"TIme out. They can't talk, just get to stare at a wall. Drives them nuts."

Mal looked gleeful. "She'll hate that! Blue loves to hear herself jabber!"

"If she misbehaves, make it longer." Emma advised. " I never have to though...five minutes is enough for my little rugrats."

"I believe it will take more than that to get through Blue's stubborn hide," Mal coughed. "And what did the Dark One find most effective as a punishment? Did his son tell you?"

"Well, Neal usually learned his lesson after he got a spanking, only it hurt Rum worse to do it than Neal getting it."

"How so? Was it not deserved?"

"Yes, but he hated having to do it. He loves his son so much and didn't like having to hurt him because he was beaten by his own father who enjoyed it the rat bastard. He didn't spank him really hard...And Neal realized how much his father hated spanking him so he felt guilty."

"Ahh . . ." Mal looked thoughtful. "I recall once as a young sprite . . .I played with my father's wand and then told him I didn't . . . and lies are not done by us fae . . .but we need to be taught that . . .and my father, who was normally the gentlest of souls-he begged a bee's pardon for banging into it-he conjured a willow switch and walloped me good for that . . .and do you know . . . I remember he cried doing so, but he said it was for my own good . . . for a lie would hurt me more than a switch some day. And he was right, by Cernunnos's horns!"

"The best fathers are like that," Emma said with a smile.

"'Tis so. Mine would weep if he could see what I am now . . .so I am glad he no longer walks this world," she sighed. "But it is what it is . . . and I thank you, Miss Swan, for your advice . . . and I pray I shall not be driven to strangle the little imp before the age of rationality!"

"You're welcome. Thank you Mal. I know you'll at least try to keep that witch in line."

"Yes, I shall . . . and should she harm one of yours again . . . she shall deal with ME!" and Mal tossed her horns and gave a throaty dark chuckle. "And her backside shall regret it for quite some time . . "

Emma giggled. "Your hand may get blistered."

"I'll keep it in mind. And mayhap use this instead," she gestured with a flourish and a paddle appeared.

"Rumple used one on his father."

Mal giggled. "Aii, I would have paid all the gold in my hoard to have seen THAT! I never liked that scheming child killer . . . he gave all of us dark mages a worse name . . .and he cheated his fellow practitioners to boot . . . I think Loki still wants to rip out his guts with a hook . . ."

"From what I was told, he rotted to dust after Rum and the other broke the hourglass that stored his power."

"Humph! A fitting final death . . . though I'm sure Loki's sulking, because now he'll have to rip out another cheating bastard's guts . . . but then, there's no shortage of those . . .gods know, there's a new one born every minute . . ."

"Yeah, I'm sure...but they can stay away from my kids."

"And you and Baelfire shall make sure of that, no? And I shall make sure little miss bratty learns how to treat people . . .among other things."

"Yes we will...and hopefully Blue will listen."

"I'll make her listen . . . if I have to scrub out her ears with this Ivory!"

Emma laughed again. "Well, let's get you settled into Storybrooke. If you're going to be raising a child in this world, you need to look and act like a mom from here."

"Yes . . .Nova, find me a place to live . . .something that's not a hovel and yet not a palace either, I won't have my daughter getting ideas and becoming conceited," Mal said. Then she waved her hand and became a tall statuesque raven haired woman with long flowing hair bound in a twist at the back of her neck, dressed in a black and purple sheath with killer heels and semi-precious onyx earrings in her ears.

"That looks great Mal...and maybe if you want to..you can come by and see my kids. I doubt they'd be afraid of you."

"I . . . would like that . . .I . . . actually like kids . . . and not to eat either . . ."

"How about now?" She looked down at her phone. "I have to pick them up from Archie's. And I think they'd be happy to find out Blue won't be bothering them again."

"Why not? There's no time like the present," Mal said. "Nova . . .will you do the honors?"

"I would be delighted!" and Nova reopened a Gate so Mal and Emma could go through it to Archie's office. "Umm . . . what are you going to call yourself?"

"I'm not good with names," Emma said.

"How about . . . Melanie? It means a "dark beauty" and for a last name . . .Magestrix-a mistress of magic," Nova suggested.

"Mallory maybe?"

"Melanie sounds better." Emma said.

"I like that," Mal nodded. "And Blue can be Blue . . . till she earns something more proper."

"My kids call her the Blue Butt Muncher."

"How appropriate!" chuckled Miss Magestrix.

"Ready?"

"Yes."

They stepped through the Gate together . . . and arrived in front of Archie's office.

Emma knocked on the door.

"Come in, it's open!" Archie called and Pongo began barking.

"Thanks...I brought someone for the kids to meet. Okay, you rugrats...where are you?"

"Emma!" whooped Killian, and ran to hug her about the knees.

"Whoa! Slow down there, you! Almost knocked me over!"

"Ooops, sorry!" Killian smiled sheepishly.

Regina rolled her eyes. "Clumsy ox! Hiya, Mom!" she skipped up to Emma and hugged her.

"Hey, Regina!"

Belle and Rumple were playing with Pongo and Rumple looked up when Emma entered, a smile on his face. But it faded when he saw the tall stranger next to her. "Belle, who's that?"

"This is going to be the Butt Muncher's new mother." Emma said softly."This is Melanie Magestrix," Emma introduced her.

Now Rumple was curious, and he limped over to them. "Really? You're gonna be her mom? You got a truck of Ivory yet?"

"She needs a warehouse!" Regina exclaimed.

"Or two! An' a paddle!" Belle exclaimed. She came over and held out her hand to Melanie. "Pleased to meet you, ma'am. I'm Belle French."

"Rumple's girlfriend," Emma whispered to Mal. She decided to let the children introduce themselves so that they could get to know Mal and not fear her. "Now all of you say hello and who you are..one at time please," Emma instructed.

Mal shook Belle's hand lightly. "Pleased to meet you, Belle. And what lovely manners you have." Then she laughed softly. "And I already have one of those. I'm sorry she hurt you."

"S'okay." Belle said, blushing. Then she stepped back and Regina came up and shook Mal's hand.

"Hi! I'm Regina Mills! An' I hope she don't call you names or nothin'!"

"She had better not! Or else she'll be very sorry," the tall woman snorted. "Pleased to meet you also, Regina. Such a polite little girl. I fear I shall have my work cut out for me with Blue."

"Oh yeah...in more ways than one," Emma muttered.

Killian was next. "Hi, I'm Killian! But most everybody calls me Hook, 'cause of this!" he held up his hook. "And you're really pretty! Like one of those girls in a magazine!"

"That's our charmer, right here," Emma said and ruffled his hair.

"I can see that!" Melanie giggled and said, "Thank you for the compliment, Killian." Then she turned to Rumple, who was hanging back shyly, clutching his shawl and cane. Mal knelt so she was on his own level and said, "And who is this smart-looking young man?"

"Rumple, ma'am," he said diffidently. "Rumple Gold." Then he reached for her hand.

As he came into contact with Melanie Magestrix's hand he felt something . . . cold and dark crawl over him . . .almost like the aura he felt when his papa had been around . . .and he jerked his hand back and cried, "You . . .you're not a woman! You're . . . a dark fae!" His eyes narrowed as his fledgling powers recognized who he faced. "You're . . . Malificent!"

"Whoa!" Regina exclaimed.

"Uh oh..." Killian muttered.

"Guys...guys..it's okay..she's not going to hurt you!" Emma insisted.

"She's a bad fairy!" Belle cried, and shrank behind Rumple, who stood protectively in front of her.

"If yous Maleficent where's your horns, black dress and bird?" Regina asked, unafraid.

Mal laughed. "I'm in disguise, darling! Because if I came out like that, everyone would run away. You see, I have volunteered to be Blue's new foster mama . . . and to try and raise her the right way this time around. I came here to meet all of you because I want to . . . reassure you that I will not let Blue hurt you the way she's been doing." She looked at Rumple. "Especially you, Rumplestiltskin. She had no right to treat you the way she did."

"He roasted her butt!" Killian bragged. "You gonna do that or whup her with a ruler?"

Miss Magestrix smirked. "I believe the paddle I conjured earlier will suffice . . .I don't use magic upon my children . . .it's not good form, little buccaneer."

Killian smiled. "Yep and you havta have good form."

"Something which my wayward child shall need to learn." Melanie said ruefully. "So, Rumple, you needn't fear me . . . in fact I want you to come to me if Blue is doing anything you don't like . . . and let me know."

"Why you raising her?" he asked.

"Because she and I are distant cousins and it's my duty . . . and also because I'm the only one who can keep her in line . . . and teach her how to behave properly, with respect and decorum, not like a wild brat."

"She thinks I'm evil...but I'm not."

"Me too," Regina added.

"No," Mal agreed. "You are a white magician . . . and quite a strong one too. And so are you, Regina. There is nothing evil about either of you."

"What about you?" Rumple asked.

"I am . . . still shadowed, young sorcerer . . .but even the darkest night has stars . . .do you see what I mean?"

"Even though people think you're bad there's good in you...like me?"

"Yes. Exactly." Then she tweaked his nose. "And there isn't just good in you, lad, you ARE good . . .as are all mortal children."

"You're not gonna eat us?" Killian asked.

"Nah," Regina answered. "She's like us people think she's bad but she's not."

"Oh, I can be very bad, child . . .but not now . . .and not to you or any of those here in Storybrooke," Mal acknowledged. "And the only children I shall be eating . . . are gingerbread ones."

"I like gingerbread men!" Regina said.

"Where you gonna live?" Belle asked.

"Me too! And cake!" Rumple said. "With lemon frosting."

"I shall live around here . . .but right now I'm waiting to find a house," Mal replied honestly. "So for now, I shall be staying at the convent."

"The Butt Muncher's not going to make it easy for you. She's mean...she slammed my nose in a book!" Belle said angrily.

"An she made us eat crappy mush," Regina added.

"And she blistered my butt with a ruler," Rumple said, wincing.

"She won't get away with any of that with Mal here," Emma said confidently

"That will not happen again, I assure you. And Blue will not be allowed to use magic without my permission. There will be no stolen wands or anything for her to use to harm you or anyone else. I pledge you my word as a mistress of magic," Mal said, and placed her hand over her heart. "And you ought to know this, little sorcerer, that when a mage pledges thus, she always keeps her word."

"Uh huh...cause you shouldn't break a deal once its struck."

"No . . . and a magician's word is his bond," agreed the fairy. "Even those who are dark know that to be true."

"Cause we gots a code," said Regina.

"Kinda like pirates do," Killian grinned.

"Yes," agreed Melanie. "So remember what I've said . . . and do stop by once in awhile. I make very good gingerbread cookies . . . and cake with lemon icing!"

"Yay!"

"I'll bring them around when I can, Mel," Emma assured her.

"Please do. And if my girl gives you any backtalk . . . you tell me and I'll settle her ass," Melanie said firmly. "No worries, Mr. Gold."

"Ahh..you can call me Rumple." Then he coughed and pointed out, "An..ummm...you're gonna have to taste Ivory cause you said a bad word."

Mal gave him a rueful grin. "Ahh . . .I quite forgot to mind my tongue . . . but I will remember next time, child."

"Okay rugrats, get your coats because we have to go get your dad."

"He went to get something at the shop," Rumple informed her.

"He's done now and when we get home we have something we need to tell you all."

"Something bad?" Rumple asked fearfully.

"No. Good, I think. Yes...good. But you'll have to wait til we get home it's a bit of a surprise."

"I like surprises!" Rumple sang, and then he went to get his jacket.

"This will work, Mel...it has to."

"If it is meant to be, Emma, it shall," Mal nodded. "And now, I must be going too . . .I have a new daughter to meet. Wish me luck."

"You'll need it." Emma said with smirk.

"Gods know. And . . . if you hear something screaming . . .don't worry. It's just Blue . . . staging a tantrum."

"I have a feeling she'll be staging plenty. Invest in headache medication."

"Oh I will . . . and some tranquilizers," laughed the fairy. "Fare thee well, Emma." Then she blinked away.

The children returned all in their jackets. "Okay, let's go pick up Daddy." Years ago she didn't believe she could be a mother. Now it was all she wanted.

Rumple came and held up his arms to her. "Carry me . . .please?"

"As you wish," Emma said, bowing and scooping him up into her arms.

He threw his arms around her neck and cuddled into her shoulder. "I like when you hold me," he said happily.

"I like holding you because you're so cuddly. You all are"

"Like teddy bears!" Belle cheered, and they all took their mom's hands and each other's and walked out into the sunshine to fetch Bae.

**Page~*~*~*~*Break**

"...God, Papa, how could you find anything in this clutter!?" Neal grumbled while he stood in his father's workroom, looking around for the cup.

His father's workroom looked like a hoarder's paradise, albeit a neat one.

_Well, think about it, Neal...he's been like this your whole life. Saving up for a rainy day._

He searched every nook and cranny of the shop, careful not to break anything and return everything back to its proper place. His father had always been OCD...if one thing was out of place, he scrambled to find it and put it back where it was.

Then he recalled something he'd heard Belle and Rumple saying when he'd found them out on the driveway of the Victorian. They'd been having tea in the kitchen . . . and kissing . . .

_Shit, the cup's back at the house!_

He ran out of the shop and jumped in his car.

There on the kitchen table he found the chipped cup . . . and inside it was a black velvet jewelry box.

Curious, he opened it up and found a ring with a blue diamond in the shape of a rose.

On the inside of the ring was an engraving that read : _My light in an ocean of darkness...love forever, Rumplestiltskin_

_It was gorgeous. Gotta hand it to you, Papa. You've got amazingly good taste._

He also noticed that the band itself had been made from straw he spun himself.

Neal wondered then if the entire ring was handmade. He suspected it might be . . . Rumple had always told him the best gifts were ones made from the heart.

And despite being a very wealthy attorney and landlord in Storybrooke, his papa was still the country spinner at heart . . who favored gifts made with his own two hands, a labor of love.

He took the box upstairs and hid it inside the jewelry box on his dresser.

It would be safe there . . . and waiting for the time when Rumple would give it to his fiancee.

He retrieved the cup and drove back to the shop.

In a cabinet behind his papa's workbench, Neal found the saucer and placed the cup in it.

Neal recalled Rumple's words about blood magic . . . and he placed his hand upon the handle of the cup and whispered, "Show me what is hidden." The cup glowed and rivulets of white light spilled over the rim and ran across the floor, outlining a certain floorboard.

He went and touched it, and it levitated up and revealed a space where his hand encountered something long and metallic. He withdrew the dagger from its hiding place.

He turned it over . . . and saw that the left side was blank . . .no name was upon it.

"What the hell..?" he cried.

He was afraid something happened to his father and frantically texted Emma to be certain he was all right.

Emma heard her ringtone of Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" and opened her phone and saw a text from Neal.

**The dagger...his name is gone...is he okay?!**

**He's fine, Neal. I'm holding him and we're on our way there now. Calm down, I'll explain everything when we get home.**

He breathed a sigh of relief and tucked the dagger into the backpack he brought with him.

He heard the car horn and walked outside to see his father jump out of the car and run to him with his arms outstretched.

"Hey, Rumple! How's my best buddy?" He caught the little boy and gave him a big hug . . .just like Rumple used to do to him.

"I'm good..you're never gonna guess who is gonna be the Blue Butt Muncher's new mom!"

"Oh, God! Who is it?"

"Maleficent!"

Neal almost dropped Rumple. "You serious, kid?"

"Uh huh and she's not really as bad as people think."

"Yeah, she said she's not gonna let Blue hurt us anymore," Belle added when she joined them.

"That's great! Okay, let's all get in the car and go home, before Henry comes home from school." He walked back to the car with Rumple and Belle.

The kids were still excited from meeting Maleficent, Regina most of all, thinking she was even better in person than the movie.

Neal was just glad that Blue would have somebody looking after her who was able to do the job right and not have to worry about the little troublemaker bothering his kids. And he also wanted to know what in hell had happened to the dagger.

Once they got home, Emma put cartoons for the children to watch while she took Neal into the bedroom to talk.

"Emma, there's something wrong with the dagger-his name's erased from it!" Neal began, alarmed. "See?" He unzipped his backpack and withdrew the dagger.

"Neal, relax! You're freaking out," she said softly. "I can explain, now just . . . sit down."

"I hope so because I don't like this."

"Okay . . .listen. While I was at the convent I found some papers saying that the dagger was created by dark fae centuries ago and I asked Nova to verify it. She did and then we went to talk with the only dark fae available . . . Maleficent."

"And she told you how to break the curse?"

"She told me two very important things. One, that the curse is inactive now because Rumple's a child . . . and there's nothing for the curse to latch onto when he's innocent. That's why the dagger's blank. But in order to break it, so that he's not cursed as an adult . . . we have to find the best cursebreaker who ever lived. We have to go to Fairy Tale Land and find Merlin."

"Merlin?! Oh my God...do you know how much Papa idolizes that man!"

"I know . . . and Mal said he's our only hope of truly breaking the curse . . .or else we could have him stay a child and grow up again."

"If there's any sacrifices involved, he won't want it broken. He's made that quite clear."

"We don't know what will be involved, Neal. Mal didn't even know. She said only Merlin could tell us." Emma bit her lip. "She also said something else .. . about everything being in Balance, light and dark-and that if Rumple's a white practitioner again . . . that means someone somewhere will become a Dark one equal to him."

"A new Dark One...who could be worse...I don't like it."

"Neither did I. . . but Mal says nobody has a choice . .. that the Balance works to correct itself . . . so someday there will be a new dark mage to match Rumple, because that's how the world works . . . but it could be decades or something from now . . .

"Let's hope it's much later!"

"That's what I said." Emma sighed. "But we can't predict that so . . .we'll just have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, I guess."

"If Papa stays a child, Belle would have to. I won't let them be seperated again."

"I know that was my thoughts exactly . . .and what about Regina and Hook? They really don't have anyone either . . .not like a real family . . ."

"We'd keep them all kids...if Henry agrees as far as Regina is concerned."

"I think he would . . . because it's good for her . . . to have a real family again . . .and I've been thinking, Neal . . . what if this was all . . . meant to happen? I mean, it was a mistake when I cast that spell but . . . look what came of it."

"I've had the same thoughts myself, Em."

"All of us were lost . . . adrift . . .afraid, lonely, angry . . . and by doing this . . .it was like we were all given another chance . . .to help each other . . .to fix what went wrong . . .and I . . . I love these kids, Neal . . ."

"So do I...but I want my dad back to way he was before this damned dagger ruined it."

"Okay . . . so we'll go on this quest for Merlin then. .. and we'll see what happens . . ." she said.

"I can't wait to see the look on my dad's face when we tell him he's going to meet Merlin. May as well get it over with. Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Emma said, then led the way out of the bedroom.

Rumple and the others were watching some cartoons on Cartoon Network. "Yeah! Batman!" he was singing. "Dun-nenenenuh Batman!"

Neal started laughing."Okay guys, we gotta talk to you about something so turn the TV down a bit."

"Aww! Bae, we're watching Batman!" Rumple whined.

"You can watch it when we're done."

He picked up the remote and muted the TV.

Rumple scowled at him.

"Now don't be giving me that look, Rumplestiltskin," Neal said sternly like his father did when he gave him such looks.

"But . . . but . . .Ba-a-e . . .'

"No buts...or do I have to start counting?"

Rumple shook his head. "Noo . . .m'sorry!"

_Works everytime, even on you Papa_, Neal thought, smiling.

"What we wanted to tell you is...we're going on a little trip soon." He glanced over at Emma, not quite sure how to explain why.

"Umm . . . remember how Blue kept saying you were evil, Rumple?"

"Uh-huh...you mean she was right?"

"No!" Neal protested.

"No, she wasn't right . . .but there was something that happened to you . . .you were cursed, Rumple . . . and that's why Blue said you were evil," Emma began.

"Cursed? Why? Who cursed me?"

"The one who cursed you . . .tricked you actually . . . was a man named Zoso . . . and he's dead now," Emma said truthfully. She didn't know how much to really get into and frankly was trying to keep this as simple as possible.

"That scary man I dreamed about! Was he the one who cursed me, Bae?"

"If Rumple's cursed, I can break it...with True Love's Kiss!" Belle cried.

"This curse is going to take more than that to break, Belle." Neal informed her.

"What will it take?" asked Rumple.

"We're not sure...we have to locate the one person who can tell us that." Neal smiled. "You're going to meet Merlin himself, buddy."

"Holy crap!" Killian exclaimed. "That's like meeting Batman! You're lucky!"

Rumple's eyes were huge in his little face, almost the size of saucers. "M-Merlin?! For real?"

Neal beamed. "For real, buddy."

Rumple was so excited he practically levitated off the couch. "I'm gonna see Merlin! Whoo-hoo!" Then he jumped off the couch and yelled, "C'mon, Bae! Let's pack!"

"Whoa...whoa...slow down buddy..."

"What for?" the toddler demanded.

"You're too fast for me," Neal teased.

"Figures," Regina scoffed. "He gets ta meet his idols but we can't cause they're not real!"

"When are we leavin'?" Rumple demanded.

"Ummm...err..." Neal stammered.

"Rumple, we can't leave yet," Emma said, hating to dampen his enthusiasm.

"Aww . . . why not?" he pouted.

Neal braced himself for the tantrum that was about to come.

"Because we don't know where Merlin lives, kid. And he doesn't live here . . . he lives back in your old world somewhere," Emma told him. "And he's a bit of a trickster so he won't make it easy for us to locate him."

Rumple's face fell. "Oh . . .so we can't see him yet?"

"We'll find him," Neal vowed. "We have to."

"That sucks!" Rumple stamped a foot on the floor. "We need to get a map! And . . . and a portal or something . . ." he banged his cane on the floor.

"Rumplestiltskin Gold...you stop that pouting right now before I count to three."

The little boy gave him a stubborn glare. "You said I could see him! You lied to me!"

"One!"

"We are and soon..." Emma said to try to smooth things over.

"When?" Rumple sniffled. "I thought we were gonna see him today . . .and now we don't even know where he is!" He looked like he was going to start flipping out.

"You're gonna get spanked if you don't quit it, mate," Killian cautioned.

"C'mere, buddy," Neal said softly. The little boy had been through a lot today and was stressed and overtired.

The child's lower lip stuck out. "You promised!" he wailed, and then he burst into tears.

"We will go to find him, Rumple!" Neal promised. The sooner the better, he thought, hating to see his father so upset.

"Yeah, why can't we go now?" Regina demanded.

"Because we can't get to Fairy Tale Land without . . .a bean or something," Emma sighed. "But we thought you ought to know about it so you'd understand what we were doing."

"The Butt Muncher sent us there without one!" Belle reminded them. "She used a wand!"

"Yeah!" Killian piped up.

"Make her tell you how she did it, Bae!" Rumple sobbed. "Or else . . . I'll be cursed forever!" He threw himself on the mattress, crying hysterically. Gwen woke up and ran over to him, whining and licking him.

"I don't want him cursed forever!" Belle wailed.

"Me neither," Killian agreed.

"Make Maleficent make her talk!" Regina ordered.

"We could ask Mal . . ." Emma said to Neal.

"Yeah...we better. I hate seeing him like this."

"Okay . . . we'll go and talk to Mal, Rumple. Maybe she knows of a way to get there," Emma soothed, going to hug the distraught child. "Now stop crying . . . you're gonna make yourself sick."

"Don't care. Wanna see Merlin," he sobbed.

"Damn!" she muttered, now she was sorry she'd said anything. Good going, Swan. "Rumple . . .I promise you, we will see him . . . we won't let you be cursed forever. We just need some time, okay?"

"You promise I'm gonna see him?"

"Yeah . . . and I always keep my promises," she said solemnly. She held out a hand. "Deal?"

"Deal," the toddler sniffled and shook her hand.

"Now you can't break it," he cautioned.

"I know," she grinned. "Because nobody breaks deals with you, Rumple!"

"Uh-uh" he said and dried his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

Then Emma scooped him up and hugged him. "I love you, you silly imp!"

"Love you too," he murmured.

There was a click as Neal took a picture on his phone. "Kodak moment!" he smirked. "Couldn't resist!"

"Hey, we want in on the action!" Killian protested

The three other toddlers tackled Rumple and Emma and started swatting at them with pillows.

"PILLOW FIGHT!" Regina bellowed.

"Neal . . . I could use some help here!" Emma giggled.

"Coming, dear!" he grinned, then he started whacking Rumple with a pillow.

Then Gwen started barking and knocked Neal down into the pile of pillows and kids and everyone cracked up.

"Uh oh, Spaghettios!" Belle sang.

"Ooof!" Emma grunted, since her boyfriend had landed mostly on her. "Neal, you need to start Weight Watchers," she teased. "And we really need to move into Gold's Victorian!"

"That's next on the list, Emma," he smirked, and then Rumple whacked him over the head with a pillow, screaming, "Take that, Joker! Sha-zaam! Ka-Pow!"

**A/N: So here's my take on Mal, evil yet still with some good to her. And who remembers the old Batman show with Adam West where they used to put up those comic words on the screen like Ka-Pow? Also, I'm a great-aunt again . . .my niece just had a baby girl, 5lbs 3 oz, 17 1/2 inches named Isabella Jeanette born yesterday! Going to see her after work today.**


	26. Moving Day Mishaps -Part 1

**26**

**Moving Day Mishaps-Part One**

"Eeevveerrybody uupppp!" Neal sang the way his father sometimes did when he was a child to get him out of bed down at the four toddlers asleep on the air mattress in the living room and he was given four very cranky stares in response. _Just like I did, eh Papa? Sometimes I think you're doing this on purpose_. "C'mon guys, today's moving day. Aren't you excited?"

"Too early to get up!" Rumple grouched, throwing his pillow over his head.

"Wanna sleep more," Regina agreed, turning over.

"Do it later.." Killian mumbled.

"M'tired," threw in Belle.

Neal smirked. Then he started singing another song his father used to sing to him. "It's time to rise and shine, rise and shine, and say hello to Mr. Sun! Get out of bed, you sleepyheads the day has begun!"

The kids all groaned and buried their heads in their pillows.

Emma came out of the bedroom rubbing her eyes. "Neal? I thought it was a cat screaming," she teased. "Don't quit your day job, hon."

"Oh, thanks! You want to help me get these lazy pups out of the nest?"

Emma nodded. "Hey, kids! Who wants chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast? Last one up is a rotten egg!"

"Ohhh, I'm coming!" Regina squealed, jumping up and racing into the kitchen.

Neal scowled at his girlfriend.

Emma laughed. "Oh, quit pouting! That always worked on me!"

"M'not bein' a rotten egg!" Killian declared and got up himself. He loved chocolate chip pancakes.

Rumple was still sleepy and lolled on the mattress. Sometimes he wasn't very hungry in the morning.

"You comin', Rumple?' Belle asked. "M'really hungry."

Sighing, Rumple rolled over and sat up. "Mmmhmm . . .I guess . . ." He rubbed his eyes and followed Belle. "Where's Henry?"

"I dunno...probably still sleeping."

"Why's HE get to sleep and I don't?" asked a cranky sorcerer.

"Oh, don't worry, he's getting up!" Neal said determinedly and stalked over to Henry's bedroom door. "Up an' at 'em!" he bellowed, opening the door.

Henry promptly stuffed his ears with some cotton balls and went back to sleep.

"Oh, is that how we're gonna play it? How would you like to get watered?" Neal threatened.

Regina, who was standing outside Henry's bedroom door, rubbed her hands and grinned her Evil Queen grin.

"I can do it!" she boasted.

"Boy, is he gonna be mad," Killian chuckled.

"Well, Neal said we had to get up and he's not getting up..." Belle pointed out.

"Can I do it, Bae? Huh? Can I soak em?" Regina begged.

Neal laughed, wondering how she managed to get him out of bed in the morning. "Be my guest."

"And I'm gonna help!" Rumple declared, now wide awake, his small face alight with an impish smirk. He followed Regina into the kitchen to the ice maker.

"Fill it up good with plenty of ice, Rumple," Regina instructed.

"On it!" he said and filled an entire red plastic cup with ice cubes . .. the 18 oz kind.

"Holy crap, you're gonna freeze his nuts off!" Killian exclaimed.

"Ready yet, guys?" Neal asked.

"Comin'!" Rumple sang, and carefully carried the ice into Henry's room.

"Okay...on three we soak him...One...two...THREE!" Regina counted. She threw a cup of water on his face.

Rumple, put on the bed by Neal, crawled over and gleefully dumped ice down Henry's shorts. "WAKE UP!" he screamed.

"What the fuuuuuu..!" Henry howled.

"Ooohhh...he was gonna say THE bad word!" Regina hooted.

"What the hell, Grandpa...you almost froze my nuts off...and et tu, Mom? Et tu?" he demanded, forgetting they still didn't remember who he was to them.

Killian was leaning against the doorframe laughing hysterically along with Emma and Belle.

"Next time get up when your papa calls you!" Rumple lectured, waving his finger in front of Henry's face. "And who you callin' Grandpa? I ain't even old enough t'get married, silly!"

Henry had to chuckle thinking how much his three year old grandfather did look and sound like his adult self at the moment.

"An I'm not your Mom but if I was, you'd be gettin out of bed when I tole ya to!" Regina added.

_I always did_, Henry thought. He'd known better than to pull this with Regina. She never doused him with water but she did pull the covers off the bed.

"Okay . . .m'up!" he grumbled. "Now scat, so I can get dressed!"

"Don't get ice on the rug!" Rumple chanted as he slid off the bed and into Neal's arms.

"Brat!" Henry made a face at him. Rumple made a face right back.

Once they were back in the kitchen, Regina insisted on helping Emma with the pancakes.

"Cause, no offense, but you're not using to cooking," the tot said.

"Uh . . . thanks a lot!" the sheriff said, but couldn't really argue with that.

"You gots to mix up the batter first," the toddler told her.

"Okay..." _I am_ _taking lessons from a three year old,_ Emma thought.

She got out the box of Aunt Jemima and measured some into a bowl and followed the directions, adding some water and milk.

"Lemme get the chips!" Regina scurried to the pantry and returned with the bag of chocolate chips. "Here!"

"Now do I add them after I mix the batter up or before?"

"Mix, then fold them in," Regina instructed. "S'what Paula does on her show."

"Fold?" Emma asked. "How do you fold batter?"

Belle giggled from the table remembering how she sounded like one of the fairies in Sleeping Beauty.

"Like this," Regina said. "You turn them into the batter really gently, like you was folding something."

"Oh! Now I get it!" Emma said. "You're pretty good at this kid. You sure you don't want to be a chef when you grow up?"

Regina grinned. "Maybe . . .I like cookin' stuff!"

Henry came into the kitchen and smiled to see his two moms bonding over such a typical motherly activity.

"I like to cook too!" Rumple said. "Bae, let's make bacon."

"I wanna help!" Killian cried.

"Okay, one of you get me the frying pan and the other one the bacon," Neal instructed.

"I can get the pan!" Rumple offered.

He noticed that Killian seemed to be feeling a bit left out and decided he would let the little pirate have some time with Bae too.

Killian was whistling an old sea tune while he rummaged through the refrigerator and pulled out the pack of bacon. "Bae, is there a way we can make the bacon stay flat?" he asked."I don't like it all crinkly."

"You'd havta hit it with a hammer," Rumple said.

"Really?"

"Yeah...saw it in a cartoon once."

"There's somethin' called a bacon press," Regina called. "I seen it on TV."

"We don't have one, do we?"

Bae shook his head. "Nope."

"You gots a George Foreman grill? It can do it." Killian said. He'd seen that on TV too.

"What about a cooking weight?' Belle asked from the table.

Neal looked at Emma. "You ever get the feeling these kids are smarter than we are sometimes?" he whispered in her ear.

"All the time," she whispered back. "Regina is running circles around me here."

He would be glad when they moved into his father's house because he didn't doubt Rumple had every possible cooking gadget available.

"Okay...now we gotta lay the bacon out flat cause that's what they did on Papa's ship!" Killian instructed.

"You watched them cook?" Rumple asked.

"Uh uh...'specially if it was bacon cause I love bacon."

"Then how'd he get it flat?"

"Cook didn't. Tried smashing it with a hammer an' nearly put a hole in the galley. My papa was so mad he said he was gonna build a plank an' make him walk it."

"Okay...I've got the bacon in here...now what?' Neal asked. "It's not going to stay flat, buddy because we don't have those things you need."

"You gotta move them a bit, Neal. You gots too many crunched together." Killian picked up the spatula and moved several pieces so that they were side by side in a row.

_Now I know these kids_ _are smarter than me. I'm being taught how to fry bacon...by a pirate!_

"Belle, what's a cooking weight look like?" Rumple asked his girlfriend.

"Ummm...I dunno...Henry, can you look one up on that thingie you have?"

"My tablet? Yeah. I can do that."

He opened his browser and did a search on Google. He showed the toddlers a picture of a cooking weight and bacon press. Rumple concentrated and conjured one. He handed it to Neal.

"Now what do I do?"

"I guess you gotta put in on the bacon so it stays flat," Killian said."That looks like an iron," he added.

"Yeah, it does. How're you doing over there, Emma?"Neal asked.

"We's good!" Regina said excitedly. "Now we gots to flip em!"

"Yeah, well don't kill it like you did the last time!" Killian snapped.

"Umm...I've never done this before, Regina...so...gonna need your help here..." Emma said nervously.

"Kay!" She picked up the spatula and flipped a pancake, catching it. "Your turn!" Regina announced, handing Emma the spatula.

She was expecting to have her pancake fall on the floor but to her surprise she managed to catch it...on her first try.

"Knew you could do it!" Regina beamed.

"Yay, Emma!" Killian cheered.

"Okay, Killian...let's see how your bacon turned out," Neal said and looked down at the pan, surprised that it was still flat thanks to the press.

"It's great! Thanks Neal!"

The little pirate hugged him around the knees. Neal scooped him up and carried him over to the table.

"What'cha doin, Belle?" Rumple asked her. She'd gotten some paper and crayons from the living room and was drawing.

"M'drawing a picture."

"Of what?'

"You 'n me."

"Can I see?"

"Uh huh." She handed him the picture. "It's you 'n me gettin married. See...there's the church...and us!"

"Belle, why you wearing a yellow dress an' me a blue suit? You're supposed to wear white and I gotta wear one of those tuxedo thingies."

"Cause I wanna have a Beauty and the Beast wedding!"

"You do?"

"Uh huh and we're gonna dance in a big ballroom,"

"How'm I gonna dance with my leg...?"

"You can do it. 'Sides, we'll be bigger an it might now hurt as much!"

He doubted that but if it made her happy he would do it.

"I don't believe this," Emma muttered. "They'll elope if we don't keep an eye on them."

"What's elope mean?" Rumple asked.

"When you run away to get married," Belle said, then she smiled, a devious smile.

"Don't you even think about it, Miss French!" Emma warned.

"I'd elope if I got married," Regina said. "Specially if I was still living with my mama. She wanted to pick out who I'd marry."

_She did_, Emma thought sadly. _And_ _look what it did to you. Left you a bitter, angry woman who cursed an entire population for years for revenge that left you with a hole in your heart you needed our son to fill._

"I wanna get married...but every girl I like has a guy," Killian complained.

"Don't worry buddy. I'm sure there's a nice girl out there waiting for you to sweep her off her feet." Neal assured him.

"Yeah, look at me. My papa always tol' me nobody was gonna marry me 'cuz I was a no account crippled coward that not even my mama loved. He said it's why she died," Rumple recited sadly. "Cuz she couldn't take bein' related to no wimpy kid anymore."

"Yeah, well you're marrying me and no one else!" Belle declared firmly.

Rumple smiled crookedly at her. "Yeah, well, it ain't like they're lining up to have me, dearie. And I don't even know why you'd want me to marry you."

"Why? Cause I love you, silly!"

She kissed him.

"So are we gonna be in the wedding?" Regina asked.

"Uh huh...you're gonna be maid of honor," Belle said.

"Oh goodie!"

"And I want Bae and Killian to be the best man," Rumple stated.

"Two best men? You're supposed to have one." regina reminded them.

"Nuh-uh it's my wedding an' I want two maids of honor...you 'n Emma."

"Yeah, if I'm gettin' married, we can do it how we want to!" Rumple stated. He looked at Henry. "An' you can be in it too, Henry, with your girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Henry goggled. "Who says I have a girlfriend?"

"Then you don't like Grace?" Rumple said with a sly wink.

"Do ya? Regina interrogated.

"Uh . . . err . . ." Henry stammered, turning red.

"He likes her!" Rumple snickered. "He's just shy!"

"You be quiet!" Henry ordered. "B'fore I Tickle Torture you!" He poked Rumple playfully in the tummy.

"You kiss her yet?' Killian asked.

"You're not supposed to kiss and tell," Belle scolded.

"You kiss Rumple all the time and tell." Regina pointed out.

"Do not, Regina."

"Uh huh."

"Well I like kissing Rumple."

"Yeah, we know." Killian grumbled.

"Okay, kids, let's eat—got a lot to do today." Emma spoke up.

"We're moving into the pink house?" Regina asked.

"Somebody better feed the dog," Henry said. "She's begging." Gwen was sitting beside him, gazing at him pleadingly.

"I got it!" Killian jumped off his chair and grabbed her bowl, filling it with dog food and water."Here ya go, Gwen!"

Gwen woofed at him, wagging her tail and went over to eat.

"She says thanks!" Rumple reported, drizzling syrup all over his pancakes . . . and the table by mistake. "Aww, hells!"

"Uh oh...you're gonna get the Ivory, mate."

Rumple was frantically scrubbing the table, his OCD kicking into hyperdrive, and he didn't even register what he'd said. "Germs, yuck!" he growled . . . and then used magic to get the sticky syrup off the table.

"All right, calm down there, buddy, before you put a hole in the table," Neal advised.

"It's dirty! I hate dirt!" the child fretted. "Now I'm all sticky!" He frowned at his hands, and the syrup on them vanished.

Neal began to wonder whether he should set up sessions for Rumple for his OCD issue.

Rumple began to eat, careful not to get syrup on himself, cutting his pancake into small pieces with his fork and eating neatly.

Emma stared at him. She knew Gold had always been neat as a pin but this was a little too extreme especially since he was a child and none of them, even she and Neal, could avoid making a mess.

Neal caught her look and murmured, "Sometimes he's like this," and then added, "I think I'm gonna look a few things up online, see if I can help him with that." He could recall some days when he was growing up that Rumple had fits about dirt everywhere and ended up scrubbing the little cottage until it gleamed . . .and getting stressed when Bae tracked dirt into the house. Neal suspected his aversion to dirt had its roots in his early childhood with Pan, where he'd been made to sleep on the floor like a dog and eat scraps.

The other children finished their breakfast, cleaned off their plates and took them to the sink to be washed.

"Okay...I think we should start the packing in here," Emma said to them. She had a feeling Neal would be busy with his father for a while.

Killian looked back at Rumple and Neal and returned to the table.

He found it odd but now he seemed to sense when something was bothering the other toddler as quickly as Belle did.

Neal was busy looking up OCD in children on Google on his phone.

"Neal...can I help you pack where you're done?" Killian asked.

Over at the sink, Regina and Belle were singing Whistle While You Work as they helped Emma wash and dry the dishes from breakfast and pack away the others.

"Yeah, you can. But right now I'm a little busy here. So why don't you go help Henry start packing his things?" He gave his eldest a pointed glance.

"Yeah, c'mon, Killian. Let's pack up my game system first." Henry beckoned to him.

"Cool!" the little pirate said excitedly.

Rumple finished eating at last and sent his plate and fork over to the sink with a flick of his wrist. Then he glanced at the floor, where he saw Gwen licking up crumbs. "Bae, the floor's dirty. I need to get a broom n' sweep it."

"It's okay..."

"No, it's not!" the little boy insisted. "I need to sweep the floor."

"Rumple...listen to me...the floor can handle having a few crumbs on it. Now...take a few deep breaths...and relax..."

The little boy looked panicked. "But Bae . . .if we leave crumbs on the floor, they'll make bugs come, and bugs have germs and germs make you sick . . .n' that's bad!"

Neal opened his mouth to say something to try and calm him down, but Rumple's anxiety was running full steam and suddenly he lifted his hands and gestured sharply, crying, "Sweep the floor!"

The broom and dustpan flew out of the closet and began sweeping. Then another one and another one appeared and began attacking the floor, making dust fly in puffs all over.

Neal gaped. _Oh Lord-it's like the Sorcerer's Apprentice!_ he thought in dismay as he watched the brooms cavort across the floor. "Rumple, buddy, stop!"

Belle sneezed on the other end of the room and dropped the plate she was holding.

It broke all over the floor and a broom zoomed into sweep up the mess.

"Rumple, relax!" Neal called.

"Now we gotta wash the floor!" the toddler cried.

"Rumple, what's wrong?' Belle asked worriedly.

"He's really flipping out, Emma," Regina said.

"No! No, we're good!" Neal said, and picked up the child before he could call up anything else, like a mop. "Buddy, look at me. Stop freaking out."

Rumple squirmed in his grasp. "Put me down! I gotta clean the floor!"

"Rumple, quit acting crazy!" Regina yelled.

"He's not crazy!" Belle defended.

"It's okay . . . shh . . . look, the floor's clean," Neal told him. "See? You did a good job. Now tell the brooms to rest."

"Regina, Belle, you two come over here and help me finish packing," Emma said wanting to diffuse the situation before it got worse.

She led the two girls into the den and had them start putting some blankets and pillows into a large box while Neal dealt with Rumple.

"It's okay?" Rumple asked uncertainly. He was almost on the verge of a panic attack.

"Yeah, now go on, do like I said. Make the brooms sleep," his son urged.

Rumple did, and the two extra brooms and dustpan vanished and the other one flew back into the closet.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

In Henry's room, the two boys had gotten nothing accomplished because they were sitting in front of the television playing a game on Henry's system.

"Beat ya!" Killian crowed as his car won the last race.

He found that even with one hand he could manipulate the game controller easily.

"Best outta three?" Henry challenged.

"I'm gonna whip you!"

"Bring it, small fry!"

Killian smiled and started the Nascar game again. "Ready . . . set . . . GO!"

His red car sped around the track.

Henry knocked a green car out of the way and attempted to catch up to him with his blue and yellow one.

"Ha ha...can't catch me!" Killian taunted.

"Wanna bet?" challenged the older boy as he increased his speed and rushed past an orange car. "Here I come, ready or not!"

"No, ya don't!" Killian increased his own speed. "Eat my dust!"

"In your dreams, hotshot!" Henry drew alongside Killian's car and they jockeyed for position.

"I'm gonna send ya to the pits..."

"Me first!" Henry said, and tried to run him off the track.

"You're goin DOWN!" Killian returned the favor.

"No way, Jose!" Henry turned his car and knocked into the red one.

"Outta my way, Pencil Neck!" Killian cried, imitating the cabbie in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

"Stuff it, Mr. Jones! In your FACE!" Henry crowed, and managed to edge past him for the win.

"You suck!"

"Whoo hoo!" Henry cheered. "Jeepers creepers, losers weepers!"

"AHEM!" Emma cleared her throat from the doorway. "Weren't you supposed to be packing?"

"Uh . .. hi, Mom!" Henry gave her a guilty oh-shoot grin. "We were just gonna do that . . ."

"Sure you were. Now get with it!"

"Okay, okay. Don't be a drill sergeant!" Henry grumbled. "It's not like we're in the academy!"

"Don't sass me, Henry Mills. We have a lot of work to do and I don't want you goofing off all day."

"Mom, don't have a cow!"

Emma sighed. Why was it when you wanted kids to do something, they procrastinated?

Killian tugged Henry's shirt tail. "C'mon, let's do what she said. She's the captain."

"You got it...and I'm running a tight ship today."

"Okay . . . but after we move, I wanna day where I get to do nothin' but play video games," her elder son sighed.

"You can-after we move, but we're not going to get moved if you don't get moving."

"C'mon, small fry, help me wrap up the controllers," Henry said, removing them from the Xbox. "Mom, we're not taking the furniture, right?"

"No, we won't have the room."

"'Sides, don't the pink house got that already?" Killian reminded them. "I thought Rumple said so."

"It does. You boys finish in here and I'll call and see how soon we can get that truck."

"Kay, Mom," the two chorused.

Killian smiled at Henry. "I'm thinkin of that part in the Goonies...ya know where Mouth says all that nasty stuff to the Spanish lady who's supposed to help them pack."

Henry chuckled. "Yeah, but you say anything like that to Mom or Dad and you'll be eating Ivory for like a week!"

"You mean 'bout what drawer the drugs go in an' how the dad had sexual torture devices in the attic?"

Henry almost collapsed on the floor. "Shhh! Or else we'll be in big trouble!"

"Or how 'bout when they said they put her with roaches an' she'd have no food or water for two weeks."

"I could see Blue saying that," Henry giggled.

"I wanna lock her up with roaches..maybe Miss Magestrix will do it."

"You never know," Henry said darkly. "She's lucky my ma or Regina or Rumple didn't change her into a roach."

Killian looked down at the console. "We gots any bubble stuff to put this in?"

"Uh . . . wait, I think I got the box," Henry said, and opened his closet. Stuff fell out all over the floor and he rummaged through it."Found it!"

"Wow, you sure got a lot of stuff in your closet," Killian observed.

Henry shrugged. "It's a shortcut when Mom or Dad asks me to clean up my room—you shove everything in the closet."

Emma wanted to punch a wall. The truck they paid for to haul all their things to Gold's house was not only late...it was also sent to the wrong address...in Boston!

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Neal had finally got Rumple calmed down enough to help him pack up the rest of the kitchen items, and after packing all the glasses in bubble wrap, said, "Let's go and pack up my clothes, okay?" He had a sock drawer that was a bit of a wreck and would allow Rumple to straighten it and keep his OCD under control.

In the den, Regina was helping Belle try and fold the blankets and singing, "Now we's moving on up . . moving on up . . ." the theme song from "The Jeffersons" TV show.

In the bedroom, Rumple was happily matching all Neal's socks and muttering about the holes in some of them. "Don't cha know how to sew?"

"Uh . . . I can't sew well," Neal admitted.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "I can teach you."

_Again_, Neal thought, amused.

Suddenly Gwen came and grabbed a sock from the pile Rumple was sorting.

"Hey! You c'mere with that!" yelped the little boy, and grabbed the end of the sock."No! Bad doggie!"

The big dog dragged Rumple out of the room across the floor and into the den.

"What the..." Emma gasped.

"Oooh! The puppy train!" Regina squealed and ran and grabbed Gwen's tail.

The dog happily dragged both kids all over the room.

"Wait for me!" Belle dropped the items she was folding and scurried after them.

"No...no...playtime later..." Emma admonished.

But Belle grabbed Regina's shirt and hung on, making train noises, and Rumple started giggling as he bounced over the mattress.

"I wanna play!" Killian cried, coming out to see what was going on.

He grabbed Belle around the waist and they were all pulled across the floor by their huge furry dog.

"Come on, guys!" Emma complained.

"Aww, leave 'em alone, Em," Neal said. "Let 'em play and let off some steam. Least they're not fighting. What happened to the truck?"

"It's in Boston!" she cried. "And now they called me and said it's broken down and they won't be able to send another one."

"Shit!" he hissed. "Uh . . . let me make a phone call, babe. My papa used to have this guy, Dove . . .he can get us a truck . . . I think . . ." Neal dialed a certain number.

After speaking to Dove, Neal hung up and said, "Good news, he's gonna get one here right away. And don't ask how, 'cause I don't think we want to know."

"Well, since Dove does work for your father, why am I thinking someone's legs will be broken?"

"Uh . . . like I said, I really don't know how he gets these things . . .but it's done now . . . and the truck's on its way here. And there's no charge for it." Neal told her.

Emma chuckled. "The Rumfather's will be done."

"Yeah, God only knows what Dove owes Papa," Neal said.

"Oh well...at least we've got the truck...good God...neither of us have been here long but it feels like we have years of crap to pack up!"

"It accumulates, like dirt," Neal chuckled.

"Don't let Rumple hear you say that,' Emma cautioned.

"I know . . .he'd go off again on me," Neal sighed.

"Let's let them play a bit more and we'll finish packing."

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_The convent, Mal's room:_

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOU!"

"Oh, yes, you are, young lady," Maleficent ordered sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. "And mind that tone when you speak to me, I'm your guardian now, not your lackey."

"I don't give a damn if you're the Tooth Fairy. I'll talk to YOU how I damned well please!" Blue's eyes shot daggers at her. That sop Nova dared...dared to put her in her mortal enemy's charge.

"You're the afterbirth of a whore of Satan!"

The dark enchantress's eyes narrowed. "Indeed? I think not!" The tall woman gestured . . . and a bar of Ivory appeared in her hand. "Now . . . first lesson. Whatever you may feel about me, the fact is that I am now your foster mother . . . and as such you will at least offer me the illusion of respect . . . and that means curbing that foul tongue of yours! Why a swamp troll has better manners!"

"Burn in Hell...whorewitch!"

She gestured and the bar was inserted into the child's mouth. Mal conjured a small stool and another quick gesture placed the obstreperous child on it. "You can sit there for a minute and think about what such language gets you . . . and if you keep speaking like that to me, you're going to be tasting soap for a LONG time!"

Blue struggled to get up and could not move. _That bitch_, she thought angrily. _I'll get her_. She sputtered and coughed on the soap.

"Now then, let me establish some ground rules . . . since you Light fae are so enamored of them," Mal continued. "You've heard the first one. Here's the second. You are no longer what you were, you are now a child again, and as such, shall be treated like one by me. Behave well and you will find I am not a bad guardian, we can do many fun and interesting things together . . . but behave badly . .. " Mal's lips twitched into a cold smile. "And you will soon make an acquaintance not just with Ivory, but with my paddle as well. You will get to the count of three to modify your behavior, and if you don't it'll be a whack and time out. If you continue to disobey me, you'll get a spanking and some time scrubbing the floor. For you've been allowed to run wild by your sister nuns . . . but that will not be the case with me. Am I understood?"

She nodded yet in the back of her mind she was still fuming. How could they do this to her? How could they put her in the custody of this vile woman? Mel banished the soap.

"Good. In this form I am known as Miss Melanie Magestrix. And you are my foster daughter . . . Sapphira Magestrix. You shall be treated like my own child until you grow up. But there are two rules you will abide by unconditionally-the first is no magic . . .and the second is you shall leave the children of Miss Swan and Baelfire alone. You are not to go by them or attempt to harm them in any way. We shall be moving into our new home on Stardust Way shortly. So I suggest you gather your belongings."

"I want to stay here!" Blue protested though she did like her new name better than the ones she'd had.

"No. I am done with being here, I want a place of my own . . .not like the one I was . . . consigned to in that basement, like a prisoner!" Mal returned crisply. "This house, I am told, is a fairly large one. You shall have your own room and play room, as well as a yard to play in where we can put in a garden and a bower. You may eventually have a pet too . . . should you prove responsible."

Sapphira loved the idea of having her own room, a play room, and even a yard but who would play with her...certainly not those wicked brats Rumple and Regina and their little sidekicks. She would make new friends.

"Come, let us pack. We will have to get you new clothes as well . . .this . . .uniform you are wearing will not do," Melanie said in distaste. "I shall need to see what is available in these stores . . . and if there is nothing you like, I shall make whatever you require . . .I am fairly apt with a needle and thread."

_Since when_, Sapphira thought sarcastically.

Melanie raised an eyebrow. "I know this may come as a shock to you, but I was not always well off . . . and my mentor taught me to sew after I was cast out . . . and I learned my lessons well . . .enough to earn a living by my needle before I became a well-known enchantress."

"And what do you expect me to call you? You are not my mother," the child said pointedly.

"True . . ." Melanie paused. "But I am your guardian . . .and among our kind the term of respect for an elder is Aunt, so Aunt Melanie shall do."

"Okay...Aunt Melanie."

Melanie did not say so, but deep within her icy heart, she hoped someday to be viewed with respect by this child, if not love, and called "Mother" by her. Melanie smiled. "Good! Here is a bag," she gestured and a deep blue duffle appeared. "Pack your things in it while I go and inform Mother Astrid of our wish to depart."

"I'm going to need more than this!"

The enchantress raised an eyebrow. "How much can a child like yourself have? That's an enchanted bag of holding, girl. It can hold an entire castle's worth of things!"

"I'm surprised you can even conjure up something like that," Sapphira taunted.

"Now that'll be enough of your impudence!" snapped Mal. "You don't want to start off on the wrong foot, do you? Or else you can pack your things with a smarting behind to accompany your smart mouth."

"You don't have the nerve to spank me!" She'd have this upstart begging to bring her back within a week.

Melanie snorted. "So . . . you are determined to test me, are you? Very well. Then you have no one but yourself to blame for the consequences." With a blink she summoned a flat paddle, about the same width as her two hands, and pulled the little girl off the stool, and sat down on it. "Over my knee, young lady. Now."

"No."

"That was not a request. Do it . . .because if I do, you'll get two extra whacks for fighting your punishment," her guardian warned.

"Then make me."

"As you wish." Melanie sighed, grinding her teeth. She took the girl firmly by the back of her uniform and yanked her face down across her lap. Though slender, the dark fae was stronger than she appeared, having the strength of a fairly large man, and she held the child over her knee easily. "Now then . . . my standard spanking is one swat for every year of your age-you are five by human years-so five plus two for disobeying me is seven . . .and one for remembrance." Because she was using a paddle, Mal allowed her child some padding, and didn't flip up her skirt. "One!" she intoned and brought the paddle down firmly.

"Owwww...you miserable witch!" Sapphira screamed. "I hate you...you should go back in that basement hovel where they found you!"

"Calling me names shall not lessen your punsihment any," Melanie lectured. "Two!" She spanked her again. "And it's quite stupid, considering how vulnerable you are."

But Sapphira was not one to admit defeat easily. She blamed all of this on those four brats. As soon as she got the chance, she was going to make them suffer plenty.

" . . .three . . . four . . . five . . ." Mlanie continued counting, delivering a smack with each number, and as she did so, said, "You have no one to blame but yourself, child, and while I do not enjoy doing this, rest assured I shall not hesitate to do so whenever you need it . . .for your behavior shall hurt you much worse than this paddle someday should you keep on doing it."

"You think so? How?"

Melanie halted briefly. "Consider how your behavior has affected your life . . .were you truly a merciful and good person, you would not now be a child again . . .and if you knew how to act properly, you would not be under my care now. But because you chose to behave like a spiteful, self-righteous prig, and act like you need obey no one, here we are."

"And you think you're the one who can make me act properly...you, a servant of darkness?"

"I was not always a servant of darkness, girl-and you know well the truth of it!" Maleficent declared spiritedly. "You cast me out in a fit of pique and jealousy, but be that as it may, we are two sides of the same coin . . . and dark or light, I have learned something that you never have-respect for all living beings . . . whether or not they call themselves good or evil! And it is this I shall teach you . . .even if I have to wear out your backside doing so!" Then she began counting again. "Six . . ." and the spanking resumed.

Sapphira's backside was stinging from the spankings and Maleficent's swats were as hard as the ones given by the Dark One's spawn. She started sniveling and wriggling.

Her guardian could tell the child was hurting, and she heaved a sigh. "Two more," she announced, and raised the paddle again. "Seven . . ."

The longer the punishment went on, the more time Sapphira had to think about how painful it must've been when she'd taken the ruler to the Dark One. Her ruler was much thicker than the paddle Maleficent was holding.

"Eight," Mal announced and brought the paddle down a final time. The child over her lap began crying and the fairy vanished the paddle and gently rubbed her back murmuring, "There, there! Have you learned your lesson?"

"I...I'll try to be better."

Melanie gently hugged her charge. "Please do . . .and remember this and don't make me do it again. For it hurts me more than it does you."

"It does?" she asked, stunned.

"Yes. For as I said, I do not enjoy causing children pain . . .but sometimes a little pain is necessary to make you remember. Has no one ever told you that before? My own father said it to me when he punished me."

"No...my parents..what I remember of them...never said that to me...just asked me if I learned my lesson and left it at that. And they never spanked me . . . my mother believed I was too important for such a thing . . . and I had a whipping girl instead, a servant who was punished instead of me," the child admitted.

"Then they did you a disservice, little one. For any good parent will tell you thus . . .the sheriff told me even Rumplestiltskin said so when he spanked his child .. .you regret the necessity, but you do what must be done. Now remember this and go and pack your things."

"All right..." Sapphira wiped her eyes. She hopped off the stool, picked up the bag and returned to her room, still deep in thought.

Mal went in the opposite direction, towards Nova's office, hoping something had finally gotten through to the child . . .!


	27. Moving Day Mishaps-Part Two

**27**

**Moving Day Mishaps-Part 2**

Nova was gracious enough to ask Leroy to drive Mel and Sapphira to their new home as Mel was not able to drive on her own yet. It was something she intended to learn and thought about asking the sheriff to help her learn.

Sapphira gazed out the window,, frowning when she saw a familiar salmon pink Victorian mansion.

"Don't tell me we're going to live by them!" she complained. She'd overheard Nova mentioning Emma and Neal were moving into the mansion since his father no longer occupied it.

Mel shook her head. "Now Sapphira, we'll have no more of that talk. You need to learn to get along with other children and that includes Rumple, Regina and their friends. And the first step is admitting you've done something wrong and to ask for forgiveness."

"I don't need their forgiveness!" Sapphira scowled. "B'sides, you said I have to stay away from them!"

"For now but in time I would like for you to be cordial to each other." Melanie allowed. "If there is one thing I have learned, dear, it is that we all have our differences but we must learn to respect them."

"Humph! I don't wanna play with those dumb babies! Specially not the Dark One or the Evil Queen!" The child glared at the Victorian as they passed by it like it had offended her. "He oughta not even live in that house! It's too nice for him! He oughta live in the mausoleum . . . with the rest of his creepy kind."

"And you will find yourself very much alone if you continue to view others in such a negative light. Such is not for you to decide."

Sapphira crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe I LIKE being alone. It's better than being tainted by the likes of the Dark One and his stupid family!"

"Things are not always black and white, Sapphira, and they are not as evil as you believe them to be and you would discover this yourself if you made an effort to get to know them instead of antagonizing them." The older fairy sighed heavily. "But, alas, you have been extremely judgmental your entire life and that will take time to rectify."

"The Dark One is too evil! Everyone knows that! It's how it's always been! I helped his son get away from him and Baelfire's not even grateful for it!" she sniffed. "Who wants to live with a monster?"

"Because Sapphira, Baelfire does not see things as black and white either. His father did terrible things as the Dark One yes, but he also worked very hard to bring his child up the right way. And Rumplestiltskin was cursed because he was trying to protect his child. Is that not a selfless act . . . an act of good? I would say so. When Baelfire had to punish you, did you think he enjoyed it? Also, from what I have heard, did Rumple not stay his hand when he felt he was carrying the punishment too fareven after the things you did?" Her guardian ran her hands through her hair, thinking this girl could try the patience of a goddess.

Sapphira sulked. "He said not, but maybe he was lying. And his papa did ask him to stop . . .but that's cause Rumple's a coward . . .and Baelfire hits like a girl!"

"No, dear, it is because he didn't want his son to be as nasty as you were." Mel pointed out implacably. "And did he not tell you to not make him do it again? Had he enjoyed the punishment he never would have asked you that question as I did."

"I'm not nasty!" she grumped. "He is! The Dark One deserved my punishment! He lit me on fire!"

"You hurt someone close to him for a very foolish reason," Mel pointed out.

"I didn't even want those brats there! The savior and her wuss boyfriend made me take them! Like I wanted to watch a bunch of brats . . . including the Dark One and the Evil Queen!" she stormed. "I don't even like mortal children! They're annoying."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because . . . they always want something from us . . .give me this, and give me that . . .and they whine about things and think we have to solve all their problems for them," she sniffed.

"Not all of them are like that, Sapphira." Mel sighed deeply. "That is why I would like for you to socialize with other children more."

"With the brats from hell?" Sapphire snorted. "I'd rather die!"

"Well, you won't be dying so you can get that thought out of your head...nor will your attempts to wear me down until I give up work." Then the ancient enchantress got an idea. "You will go to school, that will be a start..." Melanie began.

"What? Like some . . . some mortal child? Even when I was a small sprite, I never went to school!" Sapphira cried, incensed. "I was tutored by the royal tutors! I ain't going! And you can't make me!"

"Yes, I very well can, young lady."

Sapphira considered that her new guardian probably could . . . and she hated it. "You're mean an' nasty . . . just like your friend the Dark One!"

"Had your tutors given you a proper education we would not be in this situation."

"It's only a situation 'cause you're making it one," she huffed. "Just leave me alone and it'll be fine!"

"No, it will not. Is this how you want to live your life...hated by all and alone?"

"Like you can talk! That's how you lived yours!" the younger fairy said spitefully.

"And I have regretted it." Her guardian said honestly. "But do not forget you bear some responsibility for my isolation by spreading false stories about me."

Sapphira felt a sudden pang of guilt then and looked away, out the window where they had just turned down their street, their new home was right in back of the salmon pink Victorian, their backyard almost abutting the mansion's own large yard. "It's all the Dark One's fault I'm like this! If he'd had the decency to destroy himself after the curse was cast everything would be fine! Instead he has to become a baby again and screw up more things than he already has."

"We make our own choices Sapphira. No one makes them for us. And we must learn to take responsibility for our own actions and not place the all blame elsewhere." Melanie told her. "I take responsibility for my mistakes and my actions. You must do that too."

"I was right! Good is always right and evil is always wrong!" she stated. "My mama always said so! And I told Baelfire to leave because the Dark One curse is forever, and nothing can break it . . .so I didn't lie to him, I just told him what he wanted to hear . . .so he could get away from his father, who loved power more than his son," she said aggravatingly. "Rumple was a coward who didn't deserve to have a family . . . it's why his wife left him and his father left him."

"His father left him because he did not want the responsibility of being a father. His wife left him because she wanted a carefree life. So you lied to him, then. If he loved power more than his son, why did he spend centuries using it to find him?" queried her guardian.

Sapphira shrugged. "How should I know? All the Dark Ones are mad . . .and so what if I did lie to him . . .he was the one who made the Dark Curse . . . him and the Evil Queen who let her own darkness consume her . . .and then she consigned us all to this miserable world . . .a land where they don't even believe in magic or fairies anymore! And you think I should forgive them for that?"

"Ahh so that's it then...you were afraid of losing your power and influence."

"No, I wasn't! I'm not afraid of anyone!" the child said stubbornly. "Not even the Dark One frightens me! He came to me, all whiny and desperate, and I told him where to get off . . .so there! And he's still afraid of me after what I did to him when he was my pupil."

"You have no idea what memories you triggered when you did that, do you?"

"Memories? Of what? He'd probably never been punished like that in his life!" she sneered.

"His father didn't just abandon him , Sapphira...he abused him. Emma told me so. Do you know who Peter Pan is?"

"The boy who never grew up. An immortal being . . . like us fae."

"Worse than the darkest fae who ever lived."

"How do you know? You invite him for tea?" she asked sarcastically.

"He was feared by all mages, light or dark because he crossed a line many of us dared not to. By wanting to slaughter the innocent to keep his power and youth...slaughter children. He was also Rumple's father. And it was Rumplestiltskin, the one you call a coward, that stopped him with the lightest of all magic...love."

Sapphira looked into Melanie's eyes, and though she wanted badly to call the other a liar, she could tell that like all fae, Melanie was not speaking an untruth. "But . . . how is that possible?" she stuttered. "Rumplestiltskin is the Dark One . . . he can't use light magic . . ."

"As a child, the Dark One Curse is impotent therefore he can use the magical gifts he was born with. And an innocent can use light magic."

"I know that! I am pledged to help the innocent after all."

"Yet when he was a child you broke that oath and harmed him and his friends."

"No . . .it was my right to punish him . . ." she stammered, unwilling to admit she was wrong. "I was in charge of them . . ."

"And you singled them out for scorn and ridicule."

"He was the Dark One and she was the Evil Queen! They hate our kind! They were disrespectful to me first!"

"When? As children?"

"Err . . . yes . . .one of them put a tack on my chair . . . and that brat Rumple showed me a spider he'd found . . . and I . . . I don't like spiders . . . they can eat us . . . and that know-it-all Belle kept defending him . . ."

"Are you certain it was one of them who put the tack on the chair and not another child?"

"Err . . who else would it have been? Rumplestiltskin's always been a trickster imp! And Hook kicked me!"

"Were any of the other children acting out first?'

Sapphira thought back to that day. "Umm . . . yes . .. there was that snot George and even Hook was being obnoxious . . ."

"Then perhaps one of them put the tack on your chair."

"Umm . . . I never thought of that . . ." she admitted. "Rumplestiltskin . . . he did insist he was . . . that is he didn't do anything. But I thought he was lying."

"It seems he was not."

"Well . . .he DID light me on fire!"

"Again, what did you do to provoke it...slam a girl's nose in a book." The older fairy reiterated.

"I warned them to be quiet . . . and she didn't listen . . .you have to be firm with children . . .they were ignoring me left and right . . ." she whined. "That goody two shoes probably thought I was kidding . . .well, I showed her."

"And why were they ignoring you...or were you neglecting them?

"I wasn't . . . at least I don't think I was . . ." the child protested.

"Weren't you?"

"I was paying attention to Snow, Ashley, Ruby, and David. THEY were good children."

"So you ignored the others based on your own opinions of them from the past."

"They were just a horrid as children . . .well . . .most of them . . ." she bit her lip. "I suppose Belle was okay . . ."

"And you felt justified in slamming her nose in a book because she stood up for her friends?"

"No . . . yes . . .she was defending the Dark One! She shouldn't have done that!" wailed Sapphira, her rationale totally falling apart by Mal's questioning.

"Why when he was doing nothing except behaving only until provoked?"

"Because . . .he was the Dark One . . . and he shouldn't have a friend like her . . .she shouldn't want anything to do with him . . ."

"Perhaps she sees in him something you refuse to."

"Are you saying I don't see clearly? You would say that! You would defend an evil monster to me! Because you're just like him," Sapphira flared. She was suddenly scared that Mal was right . . . and she had indeed broken one of the oldest laws . . . and harmed an innocent child . . .which was forbidden by the strictures of the light fae.

"That is exactly what I am saying and not because I understand darkness but because of your own reactions to what I am asking you." Mal lectured. "And since you have broken our laws regarding children, this now is the price you will pay. To live as one again without your gifts."

Before Sapphira could reply, Leroy parked the car and said, "Okay, ladies. We're here. The house is fully furnished, and . . . err . . . normally you'd pay rent to Mr. Gold, as he owns it but . . . I guess now you can pay it Neal, as he's acting in his dad's stead. Here's your stuff." He went and retrieved their bags from the trunk. "And err . . . good luck!" He winked at Melanie. Then he turned and said to Sapphira, "You know, kid, I ain't usually put to defending Mr. Gold, but . . . you done him wrong, missy, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. And for the record, it takes more courage to admit you're wrong than to go around acting like you're pure as the driven snow. And Mr. Gold . . .he did a lot wrong . . . but he ain't never pretended he was right when he was wrong, I gotta give him that . . .so he's no coward in my book." Then Leroy touched his cap to them and hopped back in his car and drove off, leaving the two alone in the front yard of a stately colonial style house with blue trim and gabled roofs, with a sycamore tree in the front yard and a blue door with a dragonfly doorknocker done in brass. The porch was a wraparound veranda style, and had an oldfashioned milk box on it, several potted plants, and two Adirondack chairs painted a sunny yellow.

Melanie reached into her purse and took out her key. "Come Sapphira, let's go get you settled into your new room."

The child picked up her bag and followed her guardian inside, curious to see what sort of house this was . . .and Leroy's words as well as Mal's echoing in her ears.

Page~*~*~*~Break

_Neal and Emma's apartment:_

One of the last items to be packed was the Once Upon a Time book. "I gots it!"Regina snatched it up and ran over to put it in one of the boxes but she tripped over the rug and fell. The book fell out of her hands and part of it landed in Gwen's water bowl.

"Look what you did!" Belle yelled. "You ruined it!"

Water damage was among the worst things to happen to a book, and the pages were already dripping wet and the parchment staining.

"Was an accident!" Regina cried.

"Well, why didya havta to run while carrying it? You're always in a hurry! You're not careful with anybody's stuff 'cept yours!" Belle stormed. "Now look what you did!"

"Holy crap, you're acting like she did it on purpose!" Killian snapped.

"Nobody asked you, Mr. Jones!" Belle growled. She was cranky and out of sorts and moving from the apartment made her feel upset and a little nervous.

"I didn't!" Regina insisted.

"Yeah, well you're acting like a real jerk!"

"Hey, don't you call Belle names!" Rumple put his two cents in, coming out of the bedroom after helping Bae pack up some CD's.

"Oh sure, defend her like you always do," Killian said angrily. "She yelled at Regina for an accident!"

"I didn't mean to ruin Henry's book!' Regina wailed

"What happened, Belle?" asked Rumple, confused.

"It was an accident," Regina insisted, burying her face in Killian's shoulder. He continued to glare at Belle waiting for her to lie to her boyfriend. Then he was going to give both of them a piece of his mind.

He'd seen the whole thing and he wasn't going to let it be called anything other than an accident.

"Yeah, go on and tell him, Belle," Killian dared.

Belle glared right back at him. "She was carrying the Once Upon a Time book and running like she always does and she tripped and it dropped in Gwen's bowl! And now it's ruined! Water ruins books! Look at it!" She indicated the soggy pages.

Regina continued to cry on Killian's shoulder. She knew she was acting like a baby but she didn't care. It was an accident!

"It was an accident," Regina sobbed. "She's acting like I did it on purpose!"

Rumple looked from one girl to the other. He knew Regina hadn't meant to harm the precious book, but he also understood how much the book meant to Belle. Torn, he said quietly, "Umm . . . Belle, don't you think you might be . . . err . . .flipping out a little too much? I don't think she meant to hurt the book, dearie."

"I didn't!" Regina insisted.

"You're taking HER side, Rumplestiltskin?" Belle flared, shocked. "I thought . . . I thought you loved books like me!"

"Yeah but you don't have to rip Regina's head off over an accident!" Killian said, glad Rumple hadn't believed Regina damaged the book on purpose. "Whassa matter with you anyhow, Aunt Flo visiting?"

"Look, I DO love books, you know that," Rumple began. "I read 'most as well as you do, but . . ."

"Umm...Killian, who's Aunt Flo?" Regina asked.

Henry caught the tail end of the conversation as he was coming out of his room and almost dropped all his games right on the floor. "Oh my God, Killian! Where'd you hear THAT?"

The little pirate smirked. "It's what my papa always said when my mama was really cranky. Dunno who he meant though. I never met Aunt Flo."

"But WHAT, Rumplestiltskin?" Belle demanded. "You're 'sposed to be my boyfriend and stick up for me! Traitor!"

"Umm . . . and you probably wouldn't either." Henry laughed, knowing perfectly well what that euphemism referred to. He looked at the four kids and asked, "What's going on here?" Then he saw his book laying on the floor with the pages all crinkled and sopping. "Hey, what the blazes?"

"Regina dropped the fairy tale book in Gwen's bowl and now it's all wrecked!" Belle yelled, stamping her foot. "And nobody cares 'cept me!"

"It was an accident, Henry!" Regina sobbed, running over to where he was kneeling and examining the book. "M-Maybe I can fix it?"

"No! Don't you touch it!" Belle snapped, going to stand in front of Regina and blocking her way.

"You're not the boss of me, Belle French!" Regina hollered. "Get outta my way!"

"No, you get outta MY way!"

"Hey, don't fight, you're gonna get in trouble," Rumple warned, going to try and separate them.

"Catfight!" Killian cheered.

"Move it, Rumple!" Regina ordered and tried to go around him.

"You ain't the boss of him either, Regina Mills!" Belle snapped and then she went to stop Regina from getting to the book and they both ended up pushing each other onto the floor . . . along with Rumple, whose cane got tangled up in their feet.

"Oh crap...careful, mate!" Killian cried, trying to catch Rumple before he fell.

Rumple tried to grab onto Killian' hand . . .but the closest thing he could get was his hook, and he went to grab his arm and missed, tripping and landing on top of Killian. "Sorry!" he yelped.

"M'okay...you okay?"

"Uh . . . yeah . . ." Rumple went to get off the other boy, but then one of the girls stepped on his hand. "Owww!" he screamed.

"Now ya did it!" Killian shouted. "EMMA, Neal!"

Gwen heard her wizard screaming and ran into the room, barking, and skidded into the water bowl and water flew everywhere.

"Rumple...aww man..." Killian looked down at Rumple's hand, worried that one of his fingers was broken.

Henry grabbed the book and then went to grab Rumple off the floor, yelling, "Knock it off, guys!"

Rumple was crying, his fingers were all mashed and hurting.

"Henry...did he break 'em?" Killian asked worriedly.

"I dunno, c'mon, Rumple, let's show Dad," Henry said, and carried the crying youngster outside to where Neal was helping Dove pack the moving van.

Killian turned to the two girls, glaring at them. "Now who did it?"he demanded .

"What in hell is going on in here?" Emma demanded, coming inside to see why World War III had suddenly broken out.

"You 'splain it. You did it!" Killian pointed at Regina and Belle.

Belle pointed at Regina. "SHE started it!"

"Nuh-uh, SHE started it!" Regina cried.

"I don't care who started it-I'M finishing it!" Emma said. "Now, who wants to explain what happened and why Rumple's crying and why you two are ripping each other's hair out?"

Killian stood off to the side. He would see who lied her head off first then he would tell Emma what he saw.

"Rumple got knocked down cause we tripped over his cane," Regina began.

"And . . . and somebody stepped on his hand!" Belle cried. "But we didn't mean to . . .!"

"All right, so Rumple getting hurt was an accident . . .but why were you two fighting?" asked Emma.

She stared in dismay at Rumple's cane lying on the floor, water all over, and the dog's pawprints all across the floor, since Gwen had run outside after Henry and thought-Lord, give me patience!

"Cause Regina ruined Henry's book!" Belle spoke up.

"Ruined it how?"

"It was a accident, Emma!"

"You were running with it...you have no respect for other people's stuff. You're not supposed to run with book in your hand."

"I dropped it by mistake in Gwen's dish!" wailed the former mayor. "I didn't mean to, ya dumb bookworm!"

"You ugly troll!"

"Brainless wonder!"

"Freak!"

"Nerd!"

"Hey! That's enough!" Emma yelled.

"I was gonna fix it til SHE got in my way!"

"You already ruined it! You need to stay 'way from it!" Belle insisted.

"Oh were you gonna fix it?" Regina sneered.

"At least I wasn't gonna make it worse!"

"Girls, stop! We already had one kid get hurt, now both of you come over here on the couch and sit down," Emma ordered.

The girls came reluctantly and sat down, sulky and sniffling.

Emma put her hands on her hips. "It seems to me that all this started over an accident, am I right?"

Both nodded shamefully.

"And two wrongs don't make a right," she continued. "Regina, you should have been a bit more careful with Henry's book, and Belle, you shouldn't have overreacted and started a fight with Regina over a mistake. Now look what happened-the book's still ruined, there's a big mess in here, and poor Rumple got stepped on."

_And I think I have a migraine_, the sheriff thought but didn't say.

"Is he gonna have to go the hospital?" Belle asked worriedly.

"I don't know . . . I'll go and see what Neal says after I deal with you two," Emma sighed. This was all she needed.

"If you two woulda stopped fighting he never would have got stepped on!" Killian shouted.

"You shut up! You were just standing there watching!" Belle yelled back.

"You blaming me? You were probably the one who stepped on him!"

"I didn't!" Belle protested.

"Kids, please don't shout . . . in fact why don't you check on Rumple, Killian? And nobody's blaming anyone for Rumple's accident." Emma said sternly. "Both of you need to apologize to each other right now, girls, and Belle, you go stand in the corner for five minutes for starting this fight and think about how you've been behaving. Regina, you can stand in the corner for three minutes then go and try and fix the book, Henry has it outside. Now no more fighting, or else you can all go to bed early without dessert or stories tonight when we get to our new house."

Killian ran outside.

"Well? I'm waiting," Emma said, tapping her foot on the floor.

"I'm sorry," Belle said softly.

"Me too," Regina said. "I should have been more careful."

"All right now...corners...both of you."

Two ashamed girls went and stood in opposite corners of the kitchen. Emma set the oven timer for three minutes and said, "Okay, when this beeps, Regina, you go out and see if you can help Henry fix the book. Belle, you stay there for another two minutes while I clean up this water."

Emma went to get a roll of paper towels that they had kept out just in case something spilled and started to wipe up the water and paw prints.

A moment later she recalled that perhaps she could save some time . . . and avoid bending over, and used her magic, murmuring the same spell Rumple had told her about when he cleaned Pan's hut. "Spic and Span!" she muttered and the floor was like new again.

In her own corner Belle worried she had been the one to injure Rumple and he would never forgive her both for doing that and for all the things she said to him. Silent tears tracked down her cheeks.

Regina hated fighting with her friends and she was going to be more careful in the future.

She was also worried that Henry would never forgive her for ruining the Once Upon a Time book.

"Is he gonna havta go to the hospital and wear a cast, Neal?" Killian was asking Neal outside. He was jiggling from foot to foot as he watched his foster father gently examining Rumple's hand.

"Rumple, can you make a fist?" Neal asked the child, who was sitting on his lap as he sat on the truck bed.

"Uh huh," Rumple said and did so, wincing a little.

"Hmm . . . I don't think it's broken," Neal mused.

"Lemme see, Mr. Gold," spoke up Dove as he came around the side of the van. He was a big beefy man with a shock of dark hair and dark eyes with a flattened nose and a pugnacious jaw. He gently took his former employer's hand in his own large one. "I usta be a prize fighter in Georgie's kingdom long time ago, and b'fore that I was a merc sergeant. S'how I got this," he jerked his head at his nose. "Seen a lotta guys' hands get messed up fightin'—in and outta the ring." He gently pressed the child's fingers. "They ain't broke, kiddo, just bruised some. Ya can put 'em in some ice water n' that'll bring down the swelling, wrap 'em in a bandage an' you'll be fine tomorrow or the next day." He released Rumple's hand. "An' next time, Mr. Gold, don't go getting' inbetween two girls when they's fightin'. Girls're meaner than any man when their blood's up, and yer lible t'get yer head broke quicker than y'can say Jack Sprat."

"You ever knock out somebody, Mr. Dove?" asked Killian curiously.

"Yup. Six times," the burly man said. "But the last time, the guy I was fightin' knocked me out . . .so then I went to work for a guy down near the border guardin' some shipment, caravan master named Bryce . . .and then he sold me out to some piece of shit lawman named Nottingham when a job went down wrong, an' that was when I asked help from the Dark One an' his price was I come work for him for seven years . . . and I'd served five outta the seven b'fore the Dark Curse came. An' now . . .I figger I still owe him some time, so . . .here I be."

Rumple shook a finger at him. "Hey! You said a bad word."

"Yeah, mate, you don't watch it, you're gonna eat Ivory," Killian added.

Dove coughed, his mouth twitching. "Sorry, Mr. Gold. I shouldn't cuss round you little kids. My mama would box my ears iffen she heard me."

"Thanks, Dove," Neal said. "C'mon, Rumple. Let's go inside and have you ut your hand in some ice water for a bit." He slid off the back of the truck and held Rumple in one arm.

"I'll call ya when I'm done loading," Dove said.

"Killian, Henry, c'mon inside." Neal said, returning to the house. "Gwen, here, girl!"

The big dog trotted obediently at his side, and the kids followed.

"Rumple, are you okay?" cried Belle as soon as she caught sight of him with Neal. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to fall and get hurt."

"Yeah, we shoulda never been fighting," Regina agreed, and then she ran over to Henry. "Henry, lemme see the book so's I can fix it."

"M'okay, Belle," Rumple reassured her. "My hand's just bruised, that's all."

"Dove says we should have him soak it in some ice water," Neal began.

"I've got a better idea, kid," Emma interjected. "Let me see it," she took Rumple's hand in hers and concentrated, wishing it well again. There was a small pulse of bluish light and then it was healed. "There! Good as new!"

"Thanks, Emma!" Rumple smiled shyly at her and jumped to the ground.

Regina was frowning at the fairy tale book. "Rumple, how d'you get water outta a book?"

"You gotta wring it dry," he replied.

He put his hand on top of hers as she rested it on the cover, and then said, "Like this." And he showed her with his magic how to cast the spell.

Several pages were fixed. "Now you try."

Regina concentrated and then a green light flickered over the book and the water was all gone. "I did it!"

"But the pages are all wrinkled," observed Henry.

"We can fix 'em!" Regina said, and then she did so. Afterwards she yawned. "M'sleepy, Henry."

He picked her up. "Fixing books is hard work, huh?"

"Yup. An' m'sorry I dropped it. Next time I'll watch where I'm goin'."

"Okay. But it was an accident, so—no harm, no foul," he said, and let her put her head on his shoulder.

Belle tapped Rumple on the shoulder. "Rumple . . .I didn't mean what I said before . . .'bout you not liking books an' being a traitor. I was just mad. I'm sorry I yelled at you. Are you . . . mad at me?" She looked like she was about to cry.

"Nope. 'Cause I know you didn't mean them, Belle. You were just cranky . . .and sometimes . . .when I get like that, I say stuff I don't mean either. So I forgive you, Miss Bibliophile." Then he hugged her.

"Ugh! Will ya stop with the mushy stuff?" Killian groaned. "Or get a room!"

Belle and Rumple giggled.

Killian rolled his eyes. "I swear, I'm gonna dance a jig when you two're married. An' what did ya call her, mate?"

Rumple smirked at the pirate. "Bibliophile. It means a person who loves books . . .get a dictionary, Killian!"

"What for? All I need to do is ask you," he shot back. "You n'Belle are like walking talking ones, an' ya don't gotta read well to figger out what the words mean."

"We can practice some more reading when we get to the new house," Rumple promised. "By the time the summer's done, I'll have you reading Dr. Seuss by yourself."

"Whatever, mate. But I still ain't gonna be as smart as you." Then he shrugged. "But that's okay. You be the brains, an' I'll be the muscle. All for one, n' one for all— "

"—together we stand, divided we fall," Rumple finished the Nevengers motto and smacked Killian's good hand with his left one. Then he turned to Neal and said, "Bae, let's hurry up and move. I'm hungry and I wanna build a clubhouse in the salmon mansion's backyard."

Neal handed him his cane. "Hold on, Rumplestiltskin Gold. We need to get the last of these boxes in the van. So you just take a chill pill, buster."

The little imp rolled his eyes. "I don't need no pills, Baelfire! Whaddya think I am, a junkie?"

Neal almost asphyxiated laughing. So did Emma and Henry.

"Oh . . .oh . . .Jesus . . ." gasped the former thief. "I cannot believe you just said that . . .how do you know about that?"

"I'm not stupid. I watched Law n'Order one night on the couch while you fell asleep . . . and they was putting a drug dealer away for selling crack to some guy they called a pill popping junkie. Got put away for fifty years to life," Rumple said smugly.

"The things you remember, kid!" Emma giggled.

"He's like an elephant. He never forgets anything!" Henry said.

"He's the smartest kid in the world!" Belle said loyally. Then she hugged him.

"The two of you were made for each other!" Killian moaned. "Now quit with the touchy feely crap, you're makin' me puke!"

Belle giggled. Then she ran over and hugged Killian. "There! Now you don't feel left out."

Killian looked utterly floored. "How'd she know?"

"That's Belle. She's so smart it's scary," Rumple said proudly.

"You ain't kidding!" Killian acknowledged. "I'm glad you're marryin' her an' not me!"

"Someday your princess will come," Belle told him, then she kissed his cheek and ran back to Rumple.

"Aww . . . shucks!" Killian blushed and put a hand to his face. He'd never admit it, but getting kissed by a girl wasn't so bad after all.

Then he turned and ran for the door, yodeling, "Last one in the van's a wet blankie!"

"No more sugar for you!" Emma called, laughing, then she picked up the last box and walked out of the apartment. Now if only they could get their stuff into the Victorian in one piece, they'd be on Easy Street. Which was one place she'd never been, she thought wryly.


	28. Settling In

**28**

**Settling In**

During the trip to the house, Neal called and set up an appointment for Killian to be fitted for a prosthetic hand. The little pirate was excited that he was going to have a hand again and so were his friends who assured him that he would be able to do more on their 'venture to find Merlin. Rumple hoped it wouldn't be much longer before they went to see him because he wanted whatever curse was put on him broken so people didn't think he was bad or evil anymore.

"We're here!" Neal announced as soon as they pulled into the driveway.

"YAY!" The children were practically jumping up and down in their seats. Emma and Neal looked back at them and smiled at each other. Even when the curse was broken, his father assured him that once in a while he would have his child self to take care of…at least until Neal gave him another grandchild or he had one of his own. He also knew his father wouldn't want him to have another child with Emma until they got married. Sooner or later that issue would have to be resolved.

Dove pulled in behind them in the truck. After he got the back open he wasn't surprised to find the toddlers standing there waiting to help unpack and made certain he handed them the smallest and lightest boxes possible, taking special care with his boss and Killian as both of them had disabled limbs. He'd also made certain most of Rumple's collection was moved from the house to the shop.

"Okay…Killian, Rumple, come with me and we'll put your stuff in your new room," Neal said to the two boys, thankful his father had enough empty rooms in the house to at least let the girls share one room, the boys another.

Henry had his own room and he and Emma would occupy his father's old room.

Rumple set the box he was carrying down and stared at his new bed. They were placed side by side with the nightstand between them and each child had a lamp above the bed he could turn off himself.

"What's the matter, buddy?" Neal asked. Then it hit him….his child self wasn't used to sleeping in a large bed alone. "You'll be fine. You know you or Killian can always come to our room if you have nightmares though…right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay. Here's your first chore in your new rooms…you have to make your beds."

"How we do that?" Killian asked. Rumple looked just as confused.

Neal smiled again. "Well, let me show you. I was taught by the best," he said, looking down at his small father. _Hope I make you proud, Papa,_ he thought and began instructing the two young boys how to properly make their beds.

It took several tries until they did it. After the beds were made, they unpacked their clothes and put them in the dressers and closets.

"I'm going to go help Emma with the kitchen unpacking. You guys can stay in here for a bit and get familiar with your room and do a bit of decorating, okay?"

"Kay."

Henry helped Regina and Belle move their things into their room beside Rumple and Killian's and like the boys, the girls' beds were side by side with small lamps above them to turn off.

He showed them how to properly make the beds, thinking of how proud Regina would be as her adult self when he did it correctly and neatly.

The girls, however, like their younger male counterparts hadn't been able to do it as neatly, still they enjoyed it. Once they had their clothes unpacked, Henry left them in the room to familiarize themselves with it and decorate as his parents instructed him to do while the three of them worked on the more difficult unpacking.

"These walls look dull," Rumple said.

"Uh-huh. We need some posters or something." Killian agreed.

"What do you want? I can do it," the little sorcerer said, cracking his knuckles as he sometimes did to prepare himself to cast interesting spells.

"Captain Jack Sparrow, Superman, Batman and Robin an' some Narnia stuff!"

"Kay...coming up!" Rumple waved his hands and several posters appeared on the wall on Killian's side of the room of the characters from movies and TV.

The pirate cheered and hugged his friend. "You rock, mate!"

Rumple turned and looked at the wall on his side of the room and concentrated. His posters were of Merlins from movies and television and Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia movies as well as the children yet he still felt there was something missing.

He ran over to his dresser and grabbed his box of crayons and markers and started drawing pictures on the bottom of the wall as well as writing the Nevengers motto. Killian grabbed some of the crayons and went to his side of the wall drawing skulls and crossbones on them and a picture of a boat. He also had a few pirate slogans, written with Rumple's magic and Rumple had a few Merlin quotes from the movies on his wall. By the time they were finished, both boys were sleepy and crawled into bed for a nap.

Back in their room, the girls also believed their walls were quite dull and needed a splash of color. Regina used her magic on Belle's wall first, decorating it with posters of Disney princess movies, most of them from Beauty and the Beast and the Chronicles of Narnia.

Regina's own wall was a shrine to her favorite villains from the Disney movies: Maleficent, the Evil Queen and the White Witch. She also added the children from the Narnia movies but her poster of Prince Caspian was larger than the others and Belle couldn't help noticing that she'd added some Robin Hoods as well.

The little queen sat on her bed and stared up at the posters of the men, smiling. "Y'know I think I'd wanna marry a guy like Caspian or Robin Hood," she mused.

"You do think Robin Hood was cute," Belle teased.

"Yeah but he's old 'nough to be my daddy so's I can't marry him and Caspian is too but if he was real and I was older I'd marry him and before you say it, we all know you're gonna marry Rumple. Me, I'll probably end up an old maid livin' with a hundred cats," Regina said sadly.

"Nuh-uh," Belle said confidently. "You're gonna marry a cute guy like Robin or Caspian and have lotsa kids like Rumple 'n me and we'll live in houses on the same street."

"That'd be nice," Regina said sleepily. "M'sleepy. Gonna take a nap."

Belle took out one of her books and started reading but she fell asleep after just two pages.

Neal had just finished unpacking the living room and decided to check on the boys, his eyes nearly bulging out of his sockets when he saw the bottoms of their walls. His father was going to kill him when he changed back because there was nothing worse than crayon on walls. _Unless he did this as another test to see how I handle it without even thinking he was doing it. _

"Ummm…boys….you got some 'splanin to do!" Neal said, crossing his arms over his chest.

The two toddlers sat up in their beds and rubbed the sleep out of their eyes.

He pointed to the lower half of Rumple's wall. "Now who told you it was all right to draw all over the walls?"

"Ummm…you said we could decorate them, Bae," Rumple reminded him.

"Decorate, not draw on them. Now whose idea was this?" Neal demanded.

"Mine," Killian said quickly.

"It was mine, Bae," Rumple told him. "S'okay, Killian."

Neal wanted to laugh. He was about to give his father a lecture about drawing on his own walls. He sat down on the edge of Rumple's bed and gave both of them the Look. The boys bowed their heads in shame. "It's okay to want to draw, but not on the walls and not without asking permission first. You have no idea how difficult that stuff is to get off but you're going to find out because first you're going to clean the walls…without magic. Second, you have a date with the corner. Rumple, you'll be getting five minutes because it was your idea. Killian, you'll have three because you participated. Understood?"

"Yes, Bae," Rumple said softly.

"Yeah, Dad."

It took considerable effort on both boys' parts because the walls in their bedroom were textured and the job would have been completed sooner had Rumple been permitted to use magic but he didn't want to disappoint Bae again.

When the last of the crayon was cleaned off, both boys were sent to their corners while Neal timed them with his watch. "Okay, Killian, your time's up. Rumple, you still have two more minutes."

After his final two minutes were up, Rumple joined his friends outside. They were waiting for him so that they could all play kickball. Gwen sat outside her new doghouse, keeping a close watch on them.

On the other side of the fence, Sapphira was peeking through the wood and saw the four children playing in the yard and having a good time, bile rising in her throat. It was because of those brats that she no longer had magic and was stuck with Maleficent as a mother.

She wasn't close enough to them to do anything but she was to the dog. She picked up a stick and threw it over the fence.

The dog barked, picked up the stick and tossed it aside. Gwen caught the scent of a malicious little girl trying to harm her little pups and she wasn't going to allow it.

Sapphira picked up another stick and threw it.

It struck Gwen across the nose. She growled and pressed her snout against the fence.

"Gwen, what's wrong girl?" Killian asked as he approached.

He jumped up and looked over the fence in time to see Sapphira running back to the porch.

"NEAL! The Butt Muncher's picking on Gwen!"

"Aww crap! She lives behind us!" Rumple groaned.

Neal came out of the house and walked up to the fence after the kids told him what happened. "All right, were you doing something to our dog?" he asked the girl.

She glared at him defiantly. "Was not! They're lying!"

"No we're not!" Belle insisted.

"Yeah, you are."

"All right. I'll let it go…this time…but next time Melanie and I will be having a talk, young lady," Neal warned.

"She should have her butt spanked!" Regina snarled.

Sapphira smirked. She'd gotten away with it. She sauntered into the kitchen and opened refrigerator to get herself a drink. When she closed the door Melanie was standing on the other side, scowling. "I hope you had fun taunting the dog, because now you're going to scrub the kitchen floor and be in time out for lying," she informed the child.

"How did you….?" She blurted.

"I'm your mother . . . I always know what you've been up to," Melanie said, opening the broom closet and handing her a broom, bucket, mop and the floor cleaner. "There'll be no taking shortcuts either. I want every inch of this floor clean."

The little girl glared at her.

Melanie sat down at the kitchen table and shook her head. She knew Sapphira would try something the moment she heard the other four children playing in the yard and stood at the window to observe. Unfortunately, Sapphira behaved exactly as she feared she would even though she'd directed her anger and jealousy at the dog.

Sapphira grumbled under her breath about how unfair Melanie was as she swept and mopped the floor. _Just wait . . . I'll get those babies good another time . . . when Aunt Melanie's sleeping_! she thought vengefully. And maybe she'd let that dumb dog out of the yard too, so it ran away and got lost. That big baby Rumple would cry buckets then! She smirked as she cleaned the floor imagining it.

Melanie observed the girl at work, wondering what nasty thoughts were in her head. Sapphira thought she could try to pull the wool over Melanie's eyes but Melanie was wiser to her tricks now.

Sapphira imagined those stupid babies weeping over their missing dog . . . and maybe the mangy animal would get run over . . .The little girl knew that fairies were supposed to care for the birds and beasts as well as the flowers and plants in their domain, but she justified her unreasoning hatred of Gwen by pointing out to herself that this was the dog that belonged to her mortal enemies, and was therefore evil and wicked.

"I still see some spots that need to be cleaned, Sapphira. Perhaps instead of focusing on your thoughts for revenge, you should focus on getting your work done...or perhaps you'd like to scrub the entire kitchen...and the bathroom as well."

"I didn't say anything, Aunt Melanie!" the child protested. She gave her a wide eyed innocent look, and then went to finish cleaning the spots she had missed. "Slavedriver!" she muttered.

She felt like Cinderella, she thought grumpily . . .only she had no fairy godmother and no way to go to a ball and get a prince to marry her.

Melanie could feel the discontent and dissatisfaction radiating off the child, since fairies were very sensitive to emotions, and even in her human form, she could sense them somewhat.

"You cannot hide your true nature from me child, even in your current form."

"Fine!" Sapphira threw the mop on the floor. "I don't like scrubbing the floor like a . . . servant! Whaddya want me to be-Cinderella!"

"Pick it up, Sapphira and finish your chores."

Sulking mightily, the child glared irritably at the floor. "It's no fair!" she pouted.

"What was not fair was for you to torment that dog to get revenge for something you deserved. Now...pick up that mop and finish or you will be getting a swat along with a time out."

"Why do we haveta live next to them stupid babies?" she cried angrily. "They ruin all my fun!"

"Your idea of fun is more harmful than anything else."

"How come you're always defending them? What'd they ever do for you?"

"They gave me my freedom from my prison and a chance to make a fresh start. You will never be free from yours as long as you continue to hold onto your hatred."

"I feel like I'm in prison livin' here!" the child snapped, and started scrubbing the floor with a vengeance. What did Melanie know anyway? She was a dark fae by choice . . .and revenge was her meat and drink.

Melanie sighed and watched her rebellious child clean the floor, thinking that she had her work cut out for her reforming the Blue Butt Muncher . . . and it would be an uphill battle all the way.

But she would try her best, because she had given her word, and her word was still her bond, whether she was Dark Court or Light.

Once the girl was finished cleaning, Melanie led her over to the corner. "Five minutes...and I want you to think more about what you've done and how pointless it was."

"No!" Sapphira shrieked. "I ain't havin' time out like some BABY!" she stomped her foot on the floor in a temper.

"You will."

"No . . .I won't!"

"If you insist on acting like a baby you will be treated like one. Five minutes...unless you want to have a sore backside."

Sapphira glared angrily at her guardian, her blue eyes filled with spiteful tears. "You're mean . . .an' nasty . . . an' I HATE you!" she bawled.

"For trying to help you, you think me mean and nasty? Some of the things you've done are far worse. The corner."

"I'm not bad! I'm NOT!" the child howled. Then she stomped over to the corner and kicked the wall.

"Then prove you're not...by learning to behave and respect others."

Sapphira glared at the wall and her gaze could have put a hole through it. This was so unfair. But one day she'd make everyone who was mean to her pay. But right then, she had to do what Melanie said . . . and maybe she could trick her into thinking she wasn't going to hurt those stupid babies . . . and win herself some freedom.

She forced herself to calm down . . . and forced the angry thoughts down deep in her mind. "I'm sorry," she said contritely.

"You don't fool me, child. Again, you fail to see I can feel what is truly in your heart."

A frustrated Sapphire began to cry. "You don't trust me! How'm I supposed to be good when you don't trust me?"

"You have to earn it."

Sapphira bit her lip, sniveling. This sucked! Why'd she have to get stuck with an evil fairy for a guardian? Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts, she encouraged herself. And she began to think of all the things which made her happy . . .and at the top of her list was getting rid of the babies next door.

Then she pushed that thought away and concentrated on thinking about cornflowers, irises, bright sunlight, blue birds, a spring morning, and other innocuous thoughts.

"Can I come out now?" she whined once the five minutes were up. "I gotta finish fixing up my room."

"Very well, but you are not to go anywhere outside of this house, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," the child said, furious that Melanie had outwitted her. This time. She went upstairs to her room, still plotting.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma finished unpacking the last of the kitchen boxes when the phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello? Uh, yeah, he's here. Neal! It's for you!"

"Okay, hon." He grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Cassidy? This is Dr. Whale. I have my assistant, who's a pediatric orthopedist here, and he wants to see your little boy and fit him with a temporary prosthetic hand to get him used to it and take measurements so he can order a more permanent one," said Victor. "Can you bring him by at your earliest convenience?"

"I can bring him over today...in half an hour."

"Good. I'll tell Dr. Williams you're on your way."

Emma looked curiously at Neal as he hung up the phone. "Who was that? It sounded like Whale."

"It was...I'm going to take Killian to be fitted for a prosthetic hand."

"Why don't we all come with you? We can get something to eat afterwards, since I'm not up to cooking anything right now. Gold's kitchen . . . it's intimidating. I feel like I ought to be related to Martha Stewart in order to use it."

"Yeah, so do I. Let's get the kids rounded up."

Emma called up the stairs, "Hey, kids! C'mere! We need to tell you something."

"What? What?" they asked excitedly.

Neal smiled. "We're gonna take you to get fitted for a new hand, Killian!"

"And after that we're gonna go eat something," Emma added.

"I'm gonna get a hand!" The little pirate was jumping up and down with joy.

"And then you'll be a handful!" Neal joked.

"Yeah, but I can do more stuff now!" the little boy's face was lit up like a kid who was just told Christmas came early.

"Okay, everybody in the car!" Emma said.

The kids and Henry all ran outside to pile into the car.

Neal locked up the house and checked the latch on the gate to the backyard. "Watch the house, Gwen," he called to the big dog. Then he went to get in the car and they all drove to the doctor's office.

Dr. Williams was a lively African American man in his late thirties. He examined Killian's stump after removing his hook and took several measurements with special tools and then showed the child an assortment of hands, some made from hard plastic, while others were soft, like a real hand would be. He showed the little boy how they attached to his arm and said, "Try some on, Killian, and see how they feel."

"Okay!" Killian said, and eagerly tried them on. They were sized for a child, and one or two even looked incredibly lifelike.

"These here are made by a company called Touch Bionics," Dr. Williams explained. "They're more expensive but they look and feel like a real hand. They're made from silicon with livingskin technology and are capable of some functional capabilities, like pushing and pulling things, holding something, even typing on a keyboard."

"Cool!" Killian said. "Can I get one of them?"

"You can, but you may have to order a few of them, son, because they'll need to grow with you," the doctor explained.

"You mean I can't use the same one all the time?"

"No . . .because what about when you get bigger? Your hands will need to be the same size," he said. "So as you get older, you'll need to get ones sized to you."

"Oh...okay."

"And when you get to be Henry's age," Williams pointed to Henry. "You can even get prosthetics that do more . . . like an actual hand does, it's called bionics . . ."

"Like RoboCop!" Rumple blurted.

"That'd be neat!"

"They can do some amazing things with technology these days," the doctor laughed. "Technology's almost as good as magic here."

He showed Killian some hands made with livingskin. "Here, son. Try these on. You can even pick stuff up with them."

"I wanna try!" He picked up one of the hands and attached it.

Dr. Williams put a pencil down and said, "Now see if you can pick that up, Killian."

At first he had a bit of trouble, the pencil slipped out of the hand but after three tries he grasped it.

"You did it!" Rumple clapped excitedly.

"I did! I did! Lookit...Neal I did it!"

"That's great, buddy!" Neal grinned. "How's it feel?"

"GREAT!"

"That's amazing!" Emma said, touching the hand. "It feels real."

"It's supposed to," Williams told her. "That prosthetic is supposed to look and feel like a real hand and be unnoticable once it's on. It can even get wet."

"So I can swim n stuff?"

"Yes . . .but once you come out of the water, you'll need to take it off and dry it carefully, so water doesn't stay on the inside."

"So's I can't get germs?"

"Yes, and also so the inside's components don't get damaged and be unable to work right," Williams explained. "It can get wet for a few hours, but then you need to wipe it dry."

"Kay...I'll be careful!" he vowed.

The doctor laughed. "If your dad and mom says so, I can put in an order for one for you today . . .and it'll be ready in about a week. In the meantime, you can take one of these samples home to get used to it." He looked at Emma and Neal. "What do you say? Would you like some price quotes?"

"Yes, because he's been wanting a hand for a long time. It doesn't matter...we'll spare no expense to get him what he needs." Neal promised.

"Okay, let me get you my catalogs from Touch Bionics and the forms," Dr. Williams said.

Killian threw his arms around Neal. "Thank you!"

Neal hugged him. "You're welcome, kiddo." He recalled something he'd heard his papa say once to a neighbor-that your kids come first before anything. No matter what. And he was trying to live up to that standard. Though it also helped that he had Rumple's fortune to afford things like this, which cost thousands of dollars. He knew his father wouldn't mind though.

As Neal and Emma filled out the forms for the new hand, Dr. Williams made small adjustments to Killian's temporary hand, including fitting some light padding around the base to cushion his stump so the prosthetic didn't rub it. "If you notice your arm's getting sore, take this off for a bit."

"Okay...do I havta take it off when I sleep?"

"Only if you want to," Williams replied. "If it doesn't bother you, then you can leave it on. It's best if you wear it as much as possible so you can get used to having it on, like you would your real hand."

"Okay." He smiled.

After the forms were filled out and Neal had given the doctor a down payment with Gold's Black Am Ex, Emma said, "Okay . . . now where do we want to go eat?"

"Granny's!" four enthusiastic toddlers shouted.

"Yeah, and I want to try their new lasagna," Henry said.

"And I'll get to eat with two hands now!"

"Can ya hold a fork?" asked Regina curiously.

"Or a book?" Belle wanted to know.

"I'm gonna try!" Killian looked at Dr. Williams."You gots a fork or a book I can try?"

"That's a good attitude," Dr. Williams said. "Sometimes kids adjust easier than adults do to things like this."

"Killian's always been a boy of action, aren't you?" Neal asked him, ruffling his hair.

"Uh . . . let's see," the doctor took a plastic fork out of his desk drawer and indicated a small note book on his desk. "There you go. Try holding those."

The little pirate dropped the fork several times and though he was frustrated, he kept trying until he was holding it but it was not steady in his new hand.

"You can do it!" the others encouraged him.

"We know you can," Emma said.

It was all he needed to hear.

He tried again and this time he was able to hold the fork normally.

"I did it!"

"See? What'd I tell you?" chuckled the pediatrician.

"That's my boy!" Neal praised.

"Now I wanna try this!" he reached for the notebook.

Since the notebook was thicker and weighed more, it took more of an effort to pick it up.

"You almost got it!" Belle said.

"Just a little more to the right," Rumple directed.

"You gots it!" Regina cheered.

He held it up proudly.

"All right! High five, bro!" Rumple held out his hand.

Killian held up his new hand and slapped it against his friend's.

"Now there's a miracle right there," Neal murmured to Emma.

"They've really bonded," she observed. "And that's a good thing."

"Yeah, and maybe that'll help keep them from killing each other when they become adults again," he nodded.

"Okay, let's get dinner," Emma called, and they all filed out of the office after thanking Dr. Williams, who said he would call them when the new prosthetic arrived.

When they reached the diner, Killian used his new hand to hold open the door with Henry for the girls, and then they all sat down at their usual booth by the window.

Meanwhile, Sapphire peered out her bedroom window, which had frothy blue curtains over it, and gazed over at Gold's backyard.

Gwen relaxed in the shade under a tree beside her bowl of water and a large rawhide chew bone, looking content.

Sapphira gritted her teeth. There had to be a way for her to get rid of that mangy mutt. And one way or another, she was going to find one.


	29. Missing!

**29**

**Missing!**

It grieved her that she had to take such drastic steps but Melanie realized she had no other choice. Sapphira continued to be difficult and she couldn't risk her leaving the house to harm the others while she was occupied. She set wards up that would alert her immediately if the girl tried to leave the house while she retreated to her study to read through some books on child rearing that she'd purchased for the odd looking device Nova informed her could hold an entire library of books. Also she wanted to get to know other mothers in the town to ask for their advice on how to handle such a difficult child.

Sapphira, on the other hand, had no intentions of just sitting in her room. Her first attempt at revenge failed and she was eager to try again now that she knew the little brats next door had one very big weakness in the form of a mangy mutt.

She left her room and went downstairs to the study and found Melanie reading, asking her politely though it left a bitter taste in her mouth if she could sit in the living room and read one of her new books, relieved when permission was granted.

The living room window had a better view of the Gold backyard. She didn't know where they were but it didn't matter. They had to return sometime.

An hour later she heard someone knocking at the door. "I'll get it!" she called out before Melanie came into the room. The less she had to see her, the better. She opened the door and found one of the convent's students, a girl named Keira on the stoop, wearing a Girl's Scout uniform.

"Hi…ummm….I'm selling Girl's Scout cookies and I was wondering if you'd like to buy some?" Keira was nervous. She'd overheard her mother Tiana telling her father how the Blue Fairy was turned into a child but she didn't know what for and now she was being raised by Maleficent herself. She found it odd but figured it was none of her business.

"Ummm…I can't and…I'd ask my….mom…but she's kinda busy right now. But hey…..umm….can you do me a huuuggeee favor?" she asked, smiling sweetly.

"What?"

"You see that house behind us…the pink one. Well….they've got a dog and they're really not treating it right and it's cruel! They leave it outside all the time, even in the rain, they don't feed it…and they beat it!"

"That's awful!" Keira cried. "But…isn't that Mr. Gold's house?"

"Not anymore….some family moved in but they're not much of a family if they're cruel to animals, are they?" the devious former fairy asked.

"No! They belong in jail!" Keira cried. She had a dog of her own and loved it dearly. It was part of the family. She couldn't understand how this family could be so cruel their own dog. "But…if you know what's going on, why don't you tell someone like Melanie?"

"I did, but she doesn't believe me. She's Maleficent after all and she has a spell up on the house so I can't leave. I was going to let the poor thing out so it could find a better home!"

"I can do it!" Keira exclaimed.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to get you in any trouble…"

"I don't care what trouble I get in. The poor thing deserves its freedom."

Sapphira grinned. "You don't know how much I appreciate this."

She watched from the living room window while Keira crept into the Gold backyard and opened the gate, admiring the girl's cleverness in luring the dog out with a bag of treats it appeared she had just purchased from the grocery store. Once the dog was out of the yard, Keira locked the gate, gave a thumbs up to the smiling girl looking out her window and took off down the street while the dog followed her until the last of the treats were gone. Keira wanted to take the dog home herself but her parents were firm…there would only be one dog in their house.

"Who was that at the door, Sapphira?" Melanie inquired.

"Oh, just some girl selling cookies. I told her to come back later when you weren't busy."

"I would have gladly purchased some. Next time, please come and get me," Melanie said gently.

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right." She walked over to the shelf and took out a Scrabble game. "I've been told this is a very good game to play and very educational. Do you know how to play?"

"Sure. I'll teach you." She'd managed to trick a stupid Girl Scout into letting the babies' dog out and now she would beat the snot out of Maleficent at Scrabble. A day that started out miserable was shaping up quite nicely. The icing on the cake would be hearing the crying next door when the brats discovered their precious mutt was missing.

"….I finally gots to eat with two hands!" Killian was still excited when the group returned home later that afternoon. "An wasn't it neat how Ruby an Granny let me hold stuff from the kitchen to help me practice? A lot of it was real heavy and I thought they were gonna get mad when I broke a coupla plates and glasses." Neal was carrying the excited little pirate into the house while Rumple held his other hand.

Everyone went out of their way to make Killian feel special that day and to the child it was almost like his birthday or Christmas. They'd taken at least a dozen pictures of him holding objects with his new hand that Henry would put into the scrapbook he was making on his computer called the "Many Adventures of the Nevengers" that he planned to give to each of the members once they were adults again.

"Nah, I knew they weren't gonna get mad, "Rumple insisted.

"Ruby's really pretty too," the pirate added with a grin. "An she's not married!"

"She's old enough to be your mom!" Regina giggled.

"Still pretty."

"The gigolo strikes again," Emma said with a chuckle.

"You'll have a girlfriend someday Killian," Neal assured him.

"Bae, I'm gonna go bring Gwen in," Rumple said to him.

Neal set Killian on his feet. He followed Rumple outside and found him standing in the backyard, frowning. "What's wrong, mate?"

"I can't find Gwen!"

"You check her doghouse?"

"Uh huh….she's not there...and the fence is closed so she can't get out. Gwen!" he shouted.

"Gwen!" Killian yelled. The two toddlers raced around the yard; looking everywhere they possibly could for the dog but couldn't find her and were getting upset.

"The Butt Muncher!" Rumple growled. "She did something to our dog! I know she did! Gwen couldn't get out herself. She let her out. BAE!"

"What's wrong, boys?" Neal asked worriedly.

"We can't find Gwen. Bae, the Butt Muncher did something to her…I know she did. You gotta make her tell you what she did and where Gwen is," Rumple pleaded.

"And I hope Miss Melanie smacks her butt good!" Killian added.

The others heard Rumple screaming for his son and came out to the backyard to find out what was going on. The girls agreed with Rumple that Blue was somehow responsible.

"Emma, keep an eye on them. I'm going to talk to Melanie," Neal said angrily. He was tired of that damned former fairy's antics and were it up to him she would have a very sore backside too. He took a few minutes to calm himself down then walked over to the Magestrix house to speak to Melanie. Fortunately she answered the door instead of Blue, now called Sapphira.

"Neal? What can I do for you?" Melanie inquired softly.

"I really hate bothering you but our dog's missing and unfortunately there was an incident today involving your daughter. She denied being involved but I'm certain she was but I let her off with a warning."

Melanie frowned. "She was guilty and was punished. Sapphira! Come here. I have a question for you."

Sapphira could hear Neal's voice in the kitchen while she was in the living room and knew there was only one reason why he was there but she wasn't worried. She didn't let the dog out and when Melanie questioned her she would know she wasn't lying about it. This time she wasn't going to get caught.

"Yes?"

"The Golds' dog is missing. Did you let her out?" Melanie asked.

"No," Sapphira answered.

"You're lying!" Neal accused.

"I'm afraid she's not. You see, one of our gifts is that we are able to tell when another of our kind is lying and she is not. She did not let Gwen loose. I am sorry, Neal, and I hope you find her." Melanie said sincerely.

"So do I. My kids love that dog. Thank you, Melanie."

When he got back to the house, Henry and Emma had just finished printing MISSING flyers. They would split up into two groups and distribute them all over town, hoping someone would find their dog and bring her home to them.

Emma, Belle, and Regina set off in Emma's squad car in one part of town while Neal took the boys to the other side of town in her Bug. They stapled and duct taped the flyers on every pole and business window on their section of town, being assured by everyone they spoke to that they would be contacted if the dog was spotted.

Seeing his little father searching frantically for his lost dog made him remember the time when he was a child and the sheepdog he and Rumple had taken in disappeared one night. The two of them searched the woods for days looking for it but they never found it. He'd been so upset that he couldn't eat and barely slept.

_It can't just be coincidence that Papa's experiencing a lot of the things that happened to me as a kid, _Neal thought_. He's the one that always says everything happens for a reason but dammit, why do most of these things have to hurt him? Hasn't he_ _been hurt enough? Haven't any of them been hurt enough?_ "We should be getting home…it's close to your bedtime," he said to Killian and Rumple.

"I don't wanna go home yet. Gwen's still out there! She's probably hungry and cold!" Rumple insisted, tears in her eyes. "Why'd she leave, Bae? Doesn't she like us anymore?"

"You think she's mad at us 'cause we left her at home while we got me my hand?" Killian asked sadly, no longer enjoying having his new appendage now.

"No, I don't believe that. She's probably lost, that's all."

"She's real smart Bae and could find her way home…if she really wanted to. She doesn't like us anymore!" Rumple wailed.

Killian began crying too.

Henry picked up Killian and hugged him while Neal comforted his father. They didn't want to quit their search either but they had little chance of finding her now that it was dark out. The two boys cried all the way home and when they returned to the house; Emma was comforting Regina and Belle who were crying too.

"Nothing?" Neal asked her.

"Nothing," Emma said sadly. "We'll try again in the morning."

"This really sucks," Henry said to his parents after they tucked the heartbroken children into bed. All of them had cried themselves to sleep. "It feels like I'm having my heart ripped out seeing them like that."

"Yeah…and now I know how Papa felt when I was like that. I still think that little brat next door had something to do with this and she's managed to pull the wool over Melanie's eyes," Neal said angrily.

"Neal, what are we going to do if…."

"Don't even say it, Emma!" he cried.

"I don't want to but we have to prepare for the possibility…"

"I'm never going to be prepared for it." They went to bed themselves, neither of them able to sleep, worried what it would do to their children if Gwen never returned or was dead. In the short amount of time she'd been with them, she became part of the family and protected the children like they were her own.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Several hous previously:_

Gwen, after eating the treats some kind girl had given her, would have turned and gone back home, but she became distracted by a squirrel crossing the street, and chased it into the park. Being a tricky meddlesome creature, the squirrel did not play fair and climbed a tall oak tree, leaving the big dog unhappily scrabbling at the bark and panting and growling below, denied the chance to rid the world of its annoying and destructive presence.

Disappointed, Gwen trotted into the woods to get a drink from a stream she recalled being nearby, and after drinking her fill, decided to take a nap in a glade she knew of, dappled with late summer sunshine.

When she awoke, several hours later, she was hungry again, and spent a long time hunting, at last pursuing and catching an unwary fat woodchuck and devouring it.

Afterwards, she realized she had been away from the pups and their adult caretakers for quite some time, for the sun had sank below the horizon and the moon and stars come out to play. Knowing she had to return to them, the big dog headed out of the trees and back into town.

But since they had just moved into the house, her sense of direction was muddled, and made even worse by all the myriad odors of gasoline, exhaust fumes, cars, and people who had crisscrossed her earlier trail. She headed in what she thought was the right direction, only to find herself back at the familiar apartment complex on the other side of town.

Confused, she whined and scratched at the door, but no one came to let her in.

She lay down and waited patiently . . .but was woken from her doze by something creeping by the dumpsters on the side of the building. Her ears pricking, the big dog trotted over to investigate, and saw a pair of beady eyes in a masked face.

A raccoon!

Crouching, Gwen leaped at the pesky intruder . . . and it screeched and scampered away.

The chase was on!

Gwen chased the mangy critter all over Storybrooke, in and out of backyards and up and down fences, off porches, and several times the clatter woke people up and she was screamed at and a few times had objects, like an old sneaker or a piece of wood, thrown at her from an open window.

Her old caution returned to her, and when she had finally treed the raccoon, she was exhausted, panting and her paws sore. She was also hungry.

Sniffing the air, she followed a strong scent to the back of a long low building, one that was filled with a tantalizing aroma, and also the scent of many other dogs and cats.

Warily, she crept from the cover of the scrubby brush, and slinking low to the ground, she came across the grass to a concrete slab where there were five large metal cans with lids.

Drooling from the aroma of beef and other tantalizing smells, Gwen reared up and pushed a can over.

It fell onto the concrete with an abnormally loud clatter, waking the volunteer on duty inside the building.

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

_Four-thirty AM:_

Rumple awoke from a dream where he found a limp Gwen lying in the road, run over by a car like Regina had told him she ran over Bambi's mom by accident one day before coming to live with Neal and Emma. He was so upset by this nightmare that he started to cry into his pillow because he didn't want to wake Killian, who was sleeping next to him, his new hand flung out atop the covers.

His tears soaked the pillow, and sniffling, he also realized he needed the potty. Grabbing his cane, which was always right beside his bed, he scrambled out of bed.

He padded down the hall, which Emma had left a night light on so they could see to find the potty, a large tiled room with a sunken bath and two sinks done in warm beige and blue tones, and flicked the light on inside it. Bae had put a stepstool beside the sink counter so the toddlers could reach it easily to wash their hands and brush their teeth.

Regina had left the cap off the Crest Kids toothpaste and some of the pink and white stuff had fallen onto the counter.

After using th potty, Rumple climbed on the stool to wash his hands and noticed the mess.

He spent two minutes wiping it up with a damp washcloth, muttering about slobs as he did so.

Upon coming out of the potty, he recalled the terrible dream he'd had of the missing Gweniviere and suddenly he didn't want to sleep in his new room anymore.

He paused, then recalled that Bae and Emma's room was right down the hall.

Neal woke to a little hand patting his face. "Huh? Whatsamatter?"

"Bae . . .Bae . . . I dreamed Gwen got run over . . .!" Rumple sobbed in his ear.

"Ahh . . ." he groaned muzzily. "Okay, buddy . . .c'mere . . ." he pushed back the covers for Rumple to climb in bed with him.

The little boy did so, but instead of snuggling down to go to sleep, said, "Bae, what if . . . I could find Gwen with my magic? I could try . . .I could search for her . . ."

"Rumple . . . it's the middle of the night . . ." his son groaned. "Go to sleep . . ."

Neal buried his face in the pillow. He felt terrible that they couldn't find their missing dog, but he was exhausted after the long day of moving, unpacking, getting Killian's new hand, and all the hijinks the kids had put them through.

But Rumple couldn't sleep, the thought that Gwen might be somewhere starving and freezing, or hurt, obsessing him, as was the new idea that he could find her with magic.

"Bae . . . wake up . . . didja hear what I said?" He shook Bae's shoulder.

A rather annoyed Neal opened one eye and growled, "Rumplestiltskin, you quit waking me up! We'll look for Gwen when it's light out, now go to sleep, or you can go sleep in your bed, y'hear?"

Scared by the harsh tone, Rumple started shivering and crying.

That woke up Emma, who sat up and elbowed her boyfriend. "Hey, what're you yelling at him for, Cassidy, you jerk? He's had a nightmare and you just scared him!"

Neal made a noncommittal noise and snored into the pillow.

"M'sorry!" Rumple sniffled into his hand.

"C'mere, kid," Emma held out her arms to him. "Neal's being a jackass, you can sleep by me."

Rumple crawled over Neal and into Emma's arms. "Emma, I know how we can find Gwen before somebody runs her over," he babbled, hugging her.

"How?"

"I can use magic!"

Before she could say anything else, her phone rang.

"Oh God! What now?" she sighed, and reached over to anwer it. "Huh?" she frowned at the caller ID. "What's my dad calling me for at this hour?" She answered it. "Dad, what's wrong? Are you okay?" There was a pause as she listened to what he was saying. "Oh . . . oh that's great! Yeah . . . we'll come over later and get her! Thanks so much! The kids are gonna be over the moon! See you later, bye!"

As she put her cell back on her nightstand, she turned to Rumple and said happily, "Guess what, sweetie? My dad was working the graveyard shift at the shelter and he heard something outside and went to check and he found Gwen!"

"Is she okay?" Rumple asked, a big grin spreading across his face.

"Well, she was wet and hungry, but he fed her and she's with him now at the shelter. He says we can pick her up later on, or he'll bring her home when his shift's over, whichever comes first," Emma told him.

"Can we go there now, Emma?" he pleaded.

"Kid, I'm too tired to drive. I need sleep. But in a few hours we can pick her up. She's okay, and that's the important thing," Emma reminded him. "Now let's get some sleep, okay?"

Rumple nodded and curled up with his mom and soon both were asleep, happy that their missing family member had been found safe and sound.

**A/N: Now what do you think should happen to Sapphira? And how will the kids discover what really happened?**


	30. The Nevengers Strike Back

**30**

**The Nevengers Strike Back**

Despite waking up during the night, Rumple was so excited to pick up Gwen that when he woke up for the second time that morning, around eight fifteen, he couldn't resist jumping right on Bae's stomach and shrilling like a wayward Casper the Friendly Ghost, "Get up, Bae! It's morning time an' we hafta get Gwen!" He straddled his foster father and giggled like the little imp he was, bouncing up and down.

"Okay, okay hold your horses! I'm getting up!"

"Yippeee!" sang the toddler, his bottom bashing into the older man's abdomen.

Emma opened her eyes and saw, then hid a grin in her pillow at her boyfriend's disguntled expression at Rumple's zealous attitude.

"You gonna let me up then?" Neal asked the toddler.

"Uh . . . yeah . . .cause David called an' he found Gwen, Bae an' we gotta go get her from the pound, like they did Lady in Lady an' the Tramp!" Rumple told him, finally stopping bouncing, much to Neal's relief, who felt as if he was going to puke if Rumple jumped on him one more time.

"Looks like someone doesn't need to eat his Wheaties for breakfast, huh, Neal?" teased Emma, smirking.

"No, but I do to keep up with him."

"I ain't eatin' that yucky cereal!" Rumple declared. "I'm eatin' Frosted Flakes!" Then he growled like Tony the Tiger. "They're grrr-e-e-at!"

After that the little imp jumped all over the bed, screaming, "Hey, everybody! Wake up!"

"I think you woke the neighborhood, buddy." Neal remarked, wincing.

"Jeez Louise! What the heck did he eat last night?" Emma wondered, trying to figure out why the normally quiet Rumple was like a jack-in-the-box. "It's like he drank a whole pitcher of Kool Aid and ate a giant Hershey bar! I mean he's wired! And I know he's excited about Gwen but-"

"I'm not sure either, hon, but maybe once we bring her home he'll settle down."

Emma sat up, and tried to put her socks on while Rumple jumped up and down on his knees and hung all over her neck. "Are ya ready yet? Are ya?"

"Kid, relax!" she said, catching the child as he nearly bounced off the bed onto the floor. "You want to have a trip to the hospital instead of the shelter?"

"Nooo!" Rumple yodled. "I wanna see Gwen!"

"Then settle down, mister, or else no Fruit Loops for you," Emma said, and tweaked his nose. Though she really wasn't bothered much by his enthusiaism. It was a far cry from the sobbing wreck he'd been last night.

Rumple giggled like an elf gone mad and scrambled across the bed to grab Neal. "Bae, I need to get dressed!"

"Neal, you can take care of the jack-in-the-box here while I go take a shower," Emma said, and went to do so in the master suite's bathroom.

And I need a shot of vitamins to keep up with him, Neal thought. He'd been just as hyperactive as a child when he was excited about something and it was no wonder his father had so much gray in his hair now.

He scooped his father up and carried him back to his room. Killian was awake but not out of bed yet and a bit cranky about being woken up too early for his liking.

"Killian! Get up! They found Gwen an' we need to rescue her from the pound!" Rumple cried.

'"They did? She okay?" Killian asked frantically, jumping out of bed.

"Uh . . . yeah, David found her last night . . . right after I had a bad dream bout her bein' run over," Rumple said. "Bae, put me down! I gotta get dressed!" he ordered, wriggling like a worm. "Aww, crap! I forgot my cane! Darn it!"

"I'll get it...just be careful," Neal advised. As excited as Rumple was, Neal was worried he would hurt himself.

"'Kay!" Rumple held onto the bed while Bae went to get his cane, wishing he had two good legs like all the other kids. "It sucks having a bad leg!" he grumbled.

"Yeah, but you still gots a real one," Killian pointed out. "I gotta wear this cause I don't have a real hand anymore."

Rumple considered that for a minute, then sighed. "Yeah . . .but you don't gotta worry bout it getting stiff an'hurting when it rains. How's your new hand feel?"

"It's a bit weird havin' one again but I missed not being able to pick stuff up with two hands and some stuff I gotta try real hard to pick up even if it is small."

"You'll get it," Rumple encouraged his friend. Then he hopped up and down on his good foot and yelled, "Bae! What're ya waiting for-the second coming?"

Killian laughed. "Second coming of what?"

"I'm coming! Sheesh...I am going to find out what you ate that made you so hyper and hide it," Neal muttered from across the hall.

Rumple shrugged. "Some guy named Jesus. He's supposed to come alive again and do something . . ."

"Good or bad?" Killian wondered.

"Good. He's a prince of peace and he heals people and takes them to heaven," Rumple said. "Some priest on TV was talking about it the other day. But if you're bad, you go to hell. Which is where the Butt Muncher's gonna go unless she starts behavin'."

"Ah, she may as well face it. She's gonna roast because she's never gonna change."

"I know she had somethin' to do with Gwen running away," Rumple stated. "An' I'm gonna ask Gwen when we bring her home."

"So do I, mate, but Melanie believed her."

"She did _something_. . ." Rumple insisted. "I know she did. Something's fishy, Jones." Then he huffed, "Bae! You're slower than a dead snail, dearie!"

"Oh, am I?" Neal snorted, coming into the room holding the little gold topped cane. "Well...lets see how you like this..." He grabbed his father and started tickling him mericilessly.

"Ahhhh . . .nooo . . .heeehheee . . ." the child giggled helplessly.

"Am I still slower than a snail?" he challenged.

Rumple stuck his tongue at him. "Nope. You're slower than molassas!" Then he tried to wriggle free of Neal's embrace.

Neal held him fast and tickled him more, making certain he aimed for just the right spots just like his father did to him.

Rumple collapsed in his arms, laughing hysterically. " . . .Bae . . .please . . .don't . . ." he was laughing so hard he almost wet himself.

"Still think I'm slow?"

"Umm . . . I plead the Fifth!" the former lawyer smirked, his eyes twinkling.

Neal playfully swatted his backside. "Now you can get dressed and no more hopping around here like a speed junkie...okay?"

"Party pooper!" Rumple snickered, then he went to get his jeans out of the bottom drawer, balancing easily with his cane.

Neal helped the two boys dress, Killian eager to try to do it himself with his new hand.

Meanwhile the girls woke up too and were in the bathroom together, trying to brush their teeth and wash their faces.

"I hope nobody hurt Gwen," Belle said.

"Me too. I hope nobody ran her over like I did to Bambi's mom by mistake," Regina said, rinsing out her mouth and getting water all over the counter.

"It was an accident, Regina," Belle said.

"I know . . . but I still feel bad . . .even tho the vet said he'd fix her up. Bambi was probably cryin' 'cause he missed her," Regina said sadly. "Like I miss Gwen."

"We're gonna go get her and bring her home and the Butt Muncher isn't gonna hurt her again!" Belle vowed

"She ain't!" Regina growled. "Or else I'm gonna rearrange her butt!"

"And I'll help!

Before Regina could say anything else, the door opened and Henry walked in. "Uh . . . whoops!"

Regina frowned. "Hey! Don'tcha know how to knock! We's need our privacy, boy!"

"Go way!" Belle cried.

"Sorry!" Henry quickly closed the door, his face slightly red. "Damn, Mom! You're crankier now than you ever were. Girls!"

"Quit callin me Mom. Too young to have kids!"

"You got that right . . .Miss Mills!" Henry giggled. "And you've got ears like Dumbo!" he muttered.

"I heard that, mister!" Regina stuck her head out of the bathroom and shook her finger at him. "Don't you call me no elephant, buster! Else I'll tell Mom."

A smirking Henry backed away. "Hey, can't you take a joke?" he asked, then he turned and walked downstairs to use the bathroom off the kitchen. _God help me, I've got my own mom telling on me to my other mom!_

Belle finished brushing her teeth and looked at the water on the counter in dismay. "Regina, you better help clean up in here. B'fore Rumple sees an' has a fit."

"Oh, Rumple Schrumple!" Regina rolled her eyes. Then she waved her hand and muttered, "Spic and span!"

The bathroom now sparkled.

After Belle helped Regina tie her sparkly sneakers, the girls ran out into the hallway, yelling, "We're ready!"

Emma emerged from the bedroom with her jacket over her arm and smiled at them. "Well, aren't you two Miss Little Sunshines this morning."

"Yup, an' we're hungry!" Regina announced, bouncing up and down on her toes.

Killian came out of his room, wearing his ballcap and holding Jack in his new hand. "Me too!"

"Me three!" Rumple agreed, coming out wearing his jeans and a heather gray T-shirt with a red and white checked long sleeved shirt over it, wearing his loafers, his cane thumping slightly on the floor, and his hair sticking up slightly.

"Your hair's floofy," Regina remarked.

"Nuh-uh!" Rumple shook his head, trying vainly to smooth it.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Guys, enough!" Emma interrupted. "Now let's go and get something to eat so we can pick up Gwen."

"Last one downstairs is a rotten egg!" screeched Regina and darted down the stairs with Killian hot on her heels.

Belle ran down too, forgetting about Rumple, until she looked up and saw the little boy come whizzing down the bannister. "_Rumple_?"

"Yeee-haah!" he yelled, sliding down quicker than even Regina and Killian could run, his cane tucked across his lap, a devilish grin plastered on his face.

"What the—?" gasped Regina.

"Cool!" Killian said enviously.

Emma and Neal gaped at their hyper toddler as he slid off the bannister . . . and landed with a thump on the floor on his bottom.

"Rumplestiltskin Gold!" Neal snapped. "Are you okay?"

"Are you hurt?" Emma called.

The little imp got up, gave his behind a token rub, and looked up at his astonished family. "M'fine!"

Emma heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank God! I thought we might really have to go on a trip to the ER!"

Neal scowled. "You almost gave me a heart attack, young man! Do that again and I'll ground you till you're thirty!" He shook a finger at the unrepentant child.

"Aww, Bae! Chill!" his father told him.

"Hey! Don't you sass me," Neal warned. "You want me to count to three?"

Rumple pouted. "No, sir." He muttered.

"Didn't think so."_ This is his revenge on me for all the stuff I pulled, I swear it! _

The others scampered down the stairs and high-fived Rumple.

"What'd I miss?" asked Henry, coming out of the bathroom.

"Your grandpa sliding down the bannister like Mario Andretti," Emma told him. "And your dad nearly passing out."

"Aww, man!" her son sighed. "You get it on your phone?"

"Uh . . . no . . ." she chuckled.

"Don't feel bad," Neal grumped. "I'm sure with the high he's on, there'll be plenty more opportunities for him to turn my hair gray."

Breakfast was the usual noisy affair, with the four toddlers crunching and gulping their cereal, which was either Honey Nut Cheerios or Trix, as both had been on sale last time Neal had gone to the grocery store.

Once that was done, they all took Bae's car down to the shelter, where they found David waiting for them with Gwen on a leash.

The four kids streamed out of the car and raced into the shelter calling, "Gwen! Gwen!" like they were seeing Lassie.

They swarmed over the dog, hugging her and petting her, and Rumple kissed her right on the snout.

"Yuck! Dog germs!" Regina wrinkled her nose. "Gross!"

"Aww, hush up! Dog's mouth's cleaner than yours," Rumple coughed. "B'sides, I kissed her nose, Mills!"

"Blech!" Regina made a face.

Then Rumple whispered something in Gwen's ear and the dog extended her great head and licked the little brunette's whole face.

Belle, Killian, and Henry all burst out laughing.

"Gwen! Yuck!" Regina went to wipe it off. "Dog breath!"

"Thank you for finding her," Neal said sincerely. "I don't know what we'd have done if we couldn't find her."

"Yeah, we owe you one, Dad," Emma hugged him. "Those kids . . . we all love that dog . . .everyone was so upset last night . . ."

"It was no trouble, Emma. I'm just glad it was Gwen out there knocking over the trash cans and not some wild animal," David said. "All's well that ends well, right?"

"Right," Neal agreed, but he was still trying to figure out how the dog had gotten out of a closed yard. Unless Gwen could fly . . . or was an escape artist like Houdini . . .

They all piled into the car, with Gwen lying on the floor in the back, and Neal drove them down to the park, figuring they could burn off some of their energy playing in the castle and stuff.

Henry and Killian got a ball from the ball shed and Henry tossed it gently to his little brother so Killian could practice catching with his new hand.

Belle and Rumple took turns walking Gwen on her leash and then throwing sticks for her to fetch, while Regina did cartwheels on the grass for Emma and Neal, pretending she was a famous gymnast.

When Gwen brought the stick back to Rumple for the third time, Rumple petted her and asked, "Can you tell me what happened, Gwen? How'd you get lost?"

The dog sat and offered her paw to the little magician, who took it and shook it gently. _There was a girl pup, she came and opened the gate .. .and she had treats. I followed her and ate them. Then her mother called her and she went with her. I chased a squirrel, Rumple. And then I took a nap in the woods . . . and when I woke up . . . it was dark . . . and I forgot how to get home. Are you mad at me?_

"No. Course not!" he petted her head. "You sure that a girl pup let you out?"

Gwen whuffed an affirmative.

Belle gasped. "The Butt Muncher let her out?"

"She says it was a girl, and the girl gave her treats," Rumple frowned.

Regina came up to them. "What're you talkin' about?"

Rumple told her what Gwen had said. "I knew it!" the little queen hooted. "Rumple, maybe Gwen can show us who it was that let her out? Dogs smell real good."

"Yeah!" Belle nodded. "She's a smart dog, she can tell who it was by their scent."

"Like a police dog," Rumple agreed. "You can, can't ya, Gwen?"

Gwen wagged her tail and barked. _Indeed, little wizardling!_

Killian got tired of playing catch and came over to see what his friends were doing. "What's up, guys?"

"Gwen's gonna find the kid who let her out," blurted Regina. "She told Rumple it was a girl with treats."

"The Butt Muncher!" Killian snapped. "Knew she lied to Miss Melanie."

"And we're gonna prove it," Rumple said firmly.

He picked up Gwen's leash and was going to tell her to try and track the girl when they saw a girl around nine in a Girl Scout's uniform showing Neal boxes of cookies.

"Look! Cookies!" Regina cried. "Yummy!"

"Let's get some first," Killian said.

The two ran over to get cookies from Neal, who had bought several boxes of different kinds—Tagalongs, Samoas, Trefoils, Dulce de Leche, Savannah Smiles, and Thin Mints.

Belle and Rumple hung back, because right then they were more interested in finding the girl than eating.

The girl selling them turned around and walked across the grass towards Belle and Rumple and Gwen. "Oh! Can I pet her? I love dogs, my name is Keira . . ." she trailed off as she recognized the dog she had released from the yard.

"Sure. Her name's Gwen, an' we just got her back from the pound," Belle explained.

Keira's jaw dropped. "Aren't you . . .Belle and . . . Mr. Gold?"

"Yeah. Why're you looking like that?" asked Rumple.

Just then Gwen barked quietly.

Rumple stared at the dog. Then at the girl. "She—she's the one who let you out?" he gasped. "Why would you do that? She's our dog! And you made her get lost!"

Keira looked horrified. "But . . . but you don't understand, Mr. Gold! There was a house behind yours . . . and I rang the doorbell . . . this little girl answered . . ."

"The Blue Butt Muncher!" Belle cried.

"She . . .well she told me that the family who lived in the Gold house . . . they were abusing this dog . . ." Keira confessed. "I felt sorry for her, I love dogs . . . so I agreed to let her out, I thought I was saving her."

"You weren't. She lied to you, dearie, like she always does," Rumple told her.

Keira hung her head. "I didn't know . . . I just wanted to do a good deed . . ."

"S'okay, Keira," Belle said calmly. "Blue, only Mal calls her Sapphira now, she's pulled the wool over lots of people's eyes b'fore. She's really cunning."

"I should have known better though, she didn't look mistreated . . . and I went and made the sheriff's dog get lost," Keira looked upset.

"But we found her again, and you was tricked," Rumple told her.

Keira glowered. "That rotten little liar! I'm gonna go right over there and tell Miss Magestrix about what she did!"

Rumple grabbed her uniform sleeve. "Wait! I've got a better idea. Don't say anything yet. Let us handle it."

"But you're just little kids," Keira said.

He cracked his knuckles. "But we've got magic, dearie. And she doesn't. Not now."

Keira blinked. "You're gonna magic her, Mr. Gold?"

"I am," he nodded.

"We're gonna make sure she doesn't do anything like this again," Belle said.

"How?" asked Keira curiously.

"You'll see," Rumple replied mysteriously.

Regina and Killian trotted over.

Belle told them about what Keira had said.

"That rotten skunk!" Regina growled. "This time she's gonna pay."

"Yeah, somehow," Killian vowed.

"Okay . . .I'm going to go sell more cookies," Keira said. "If I can help, let me know." She walked away carrying her cardboard box with the cookies.

"So now whadda we do?" sighed Killian.

"We plot our revenge!" Regina growled, her dark eyes flashing.

Rumple crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay. Lay it on the table, dearie."

Regina gave her signature Evil Queen grin. Then she told the others what she had in mind.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Sapphira was bored. She had played Scrabble and Connect Four and done puzzles and helped Melanie set up her laptop and played Farmville and Castleville on Facebook until she was about to go crazy waiting for her crops to grow and her animals to start making her money. She had even helped Melanie make a tuna salad and a tomato salad with fresh basil and mozzarella.

They tried to bake cookies, but Melanie still had trouble using the oven and burnt them.

A disgusted Sapphira then decided to convince Melanie to go to the park. "We need to get outta the house," she whined. "Leave the windows open so's fresh air can get in and just go to the park for a few hours. Then the smell will be gone."

"All right. I'd like to be outside in the sunshine," Melanie agreed.

Sapphira was happy. Maybe they would meet that girl selling cookies again and Melanie could buy some. They'd be better than anything Maleficent baked anyway.

After Melanie locked up the house, leaving the windows in the kitchen opened partway for the fresh air to get in, she transported Sapphira and herself down to the park.

"Go play," she told her charge. "I'll be around here. And mind you behave, Sapphira," she reminded the girl. "Or else we'll be having a serious talk when we get home."

"Sure, Aunt Melanie," Sapphira waved and skipped off towards the castle.

Melanie saw several little girls in green uniforms selling cookies and bought some from a blond haired one named Grace.

Then she spotted the sheriff and her boyfriend, Neal, who was now conducting business for his father since he'd been regressed. Melanie went over to them. "Hello, Sheriff Swan."

"Melanie," Emma smiled at her. "And how are you settling in?"

"As well as can be expected. Did you find your missing dog?"

"Yes, my father did," Emma told her.

"I have something for you, Neal," Melanie said, and gave him an envelope. "That's a month's rent there. Cash."

"Thanks," Neal said, and tucked it in his pocket. "You didn't have to pay me right away, it could have waited a week."

"No. I believe in paying my debts promptly," Melanie said crisply. "I don't like to owe people."

Neal laughed. "Now you sound like my father."

"He and I are much alike in that," she nodded. Then she cleared her throat. "Emma . . . I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?"

While the three adults were talking, the Nevengers had spotted Sapphira walking towards the castle. The four toddlers were hidden behind an oak tree with Gwen, who growled at the girl.

"Shh, Gwen!" hissed Rumple.

"There she is, mate!" Killian muttered.

"Just a little closer," Belle urged.

"Okay . . . she's in range," whispered Regina.

Rumple gave her a thumbs-up. "Do it, dearie."

Regina flexed her hands, then she narrowed her eyes and snarled softly, "You like playin' with dogs, Sapphira Majestrix? Okay then . . . see how you like _this,_ you wicked blue butthole!" She gestured.

The air suddenly sparkled with magic, which settled over the elder girl. Sapphira walked onwards, not noticing there was a spell on her at all.

Gwen wrinkled her nose and whuffed. _She smells like a bitch in heat._

Rumple smirked. "Yup. Now to call some dogs an' let 'em see her." He made a soft yipping sound, like a dog who was looking for another dog, and more magic sparkled through the air.

Suddenly, several dogs appeared at the edge of the park, including Archie's Pongo, trailing a leash. There were two retrievers, a golden and a Lab, a big shepherd, a part mastiff, a little Yorkie, a Maltese, a poodle, a beagle and a greyhound.

All of them lifted their heads and sniffed the air.

The four toddlers started giggling. "C'mon, dogs!" Rumple urged. "Get her!"

Sapphira saw another youngster in _her_ castle, and scowling, ran towards it, crying, "Hey, you! Get outta there! It's my turn!"

The sight of the girl who smelled like a dog running across the grass was too much for the pack of male dogs.

Suddenly the little beagle bayed and charged at Sapphira.

As if that were a signal, all the other dogs did too, barking, yapping, and howling.

They surged en masse at the girl, all trying to be the first to jump on top of her.

Sapphira took one look at them all coming for her, screamed, and ran down the street.

The pack of dogs followed unerringly, barking their undying love songs in canine solos as they ran after her.

Sapphira glanced back and screamed again, running as fast as she could down Main Street.

But this only excited the dogs to pursue her more diligently.

"What the hell?" Emma cried, as she saw the pack of dogs running.

"They see a cat or something?" Neal speculated.

"They're after something," Melanie murmured. She cocked her head, able to understand bits and pieces of the dogs' barking. "They say they're after a . . . female . . .in heat . . ."

"That'll do it then," Emma rolled her eyes. "Male dogs, people, they all want one thing . . ."

"Hey!" Neal looked rather irritated. "I don't. Not always."

"Who asked you?" his girlfriend snorted.

Just then they heard a loud wail. "Help! Help! Aunt Mel! They're after me-e-e-e!"

"Huh? That sounded like . . . Sapphira!" Melanie exclaimed.

Then she teleported to the sidewalk, where she could look down the street . . . and saw the pack of baying yelping dogs chasing her foster daughter.

The four kids ran up to Emma and Neal. "What's goin' on?" asked Killian.

"Yeah, why're all those dogs running down the street?" asked Regina.

"They're chasing . . . the Butt Muncher!" Rumple pointed.

"Whoa!" Belle gasped. "What'd she do to 'em?"

"Maybe they want to taste bad fairy!" Regina whooped.

Everyone along Main Street was staring at the odd sight of the little girl they all knew as the former Blue Fairy running hell for leather away from a pack of baying dogs . . .and chasing them were several dog owners, including Archie.

"Pongo! Heel, boy!" he called futily after the Dalmatian.

"Whoo-eee! Looks like she attracts dogs like they attract fleas!" Leroy remarked, then doubled over laughing.

Several others followed suit, sniggering.

Back down the street, the kids and Henry were watching the little drama and laughing their heads off.

Even Neal and Emma were hard pressed to not start giggling.

The dogs cornered Sapphira up against a tree, and the little Maltese jumped on one leg and the Yorkie the other, barking delightedly.

"Ahhhh! You sick beasts! Go away!" she shrieked.

The little beagle bayed and then tried to mount her as well.

"You disgusting things! Get off! Aunt Me-e-ll-i-e-e!" she bawled.

Melanie Magestrix was torn between laughing her head off and feeling sorry for the child . . .whom she suspected had been the victim of a retaliatory prank by certain children next door. But then she recalled her duty and teleported over to her child and lifted her hands.

"Cease!" she ordered, and waved her hand.

The dogs suddenly lost the tantalizing odor that had drawn them to the child and milled about, whining and yipping.

Except for the stubborn Yorkie, whom Melanie had to remove bodily from Sapphira's ankle. "Get, you stupid dustmop!" She waved a hand at it. "Shoo!"

"Dickie! C'mere!" cried Victor Whale. "Sorry about that. He's a little . . . excitable sometimes and he likes to . . . err . . .jump on . . . err . . . people's legs . . ." The doctor picked up his dog sheepishly.

Melanie rolled her eyes. "Just like his master."

"She okay?" asked Whale, flushing a little.

"Sapphira, are you hurt?"

The child shook her head. "No! Dumb dogs! They oughta be euthanized!"

Whale blinked. "Cute kid!" he said sarcastically, and walked away with his dog under his arm.

The other dog owners came and retrieved their dogs, and apologized to Melanie and Sapphira for what had happened, though they didn't understand why.

"Come, Sapphira," Melanie said comfortingly. "It's okay. Let's go home, shall we, and eat our cookies?"

"Yeah," Sapphira said, and took her hand.

But she couldn't help seeing the smirks of people as they passed and she howled, "They're laughing at me!"

Melanie sighed. "Just ignore them."

"You oughta curse them!" the child growled.

"No," Melanie said. "I don't curse people for fun. Now come along."

As the two drew near Emma, Neal, and the kids, Mel said, "Emma, I'll call you when a convenient time is available for you to give me driving lessons."

"Okay, Mel!" Emma said, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Don't you laugh at me, you floozy!" Sapphira snapped.

Melanie wanted to die. "Sapphira! You mind your tongue. Emma, I'm so sorry!" She grabbed the girl's ear. "Apologize, young lady!"

"Owww! Sorry," Sapphira muttered.

"What goes around comes around," Killian chortled.

"How come those dogs was chasin' you?" asked Regina slyly. "You wearin' some kind of dog lover cologne?"

"Eau de Pooch!" Belle cracked up.

"Ruff! Ruff!" Rumple barked.

"Arroowww!" howled Hook.

Henry almost fell down laughing.

Neal had to turn away to hide his laughter.

"Stop makin' fun of me, you retards!" screamed Sapphira.

"Come, let's go home." Melanie urged, and took her daughter by the arm and started walking.

"They did it!" Sapphira yelled, pointing. "They used their magic on me!"

"Up your butt!" Regina sneered.

"Yeah, stick it where the sun don't shine!" growled Rumple.

"Tart!" Killian coughed.

"Kids, that's enough!" Emma said. "No name calling!"

"Now go play!" Neal urged, and the kids scattered to go play in the castle. As soon as they were out of earshot he almost collapsed on the ground, cracking up.

In the castle, the Nevengers high fived each other and Regina cried, "Now that was the _best_ revenge!"

**Page~*~*~*~Break**

But their exultation was short-lived for after they all returned home, Melanie called Emma and set up an appointment for her lessons . . . and also told the sheriff that there had been some traces of magic lingering upon her daughter. "I . . . fear one or two of yours may have been involved," sighed the enchantress.

"Oh no!" Emma groaned.

"I'm sorry, Emma, but I thought you should know . . .because all magic comes with a price . . .and even if she did deserve it . . . using magic that way isn't good . . ." Melanie said.

"You're right. And they know better," Emma said grimly.

Then she hung up the phone and said softly to Neal, "Houston, we have a problem."

"What now?" he sighed. "That kid's always trying to get ours in trouble."

"Not this time . . ." the sheriff heaved a sigh.

Rumple and Regina were half-dozing in the big playroom watching TV on the couch when they looked up and saw both Neal and Emma wearing disappointed looks on their faces.

Neal crossed his arms over his chest and gave them one of his patented Looks. "Regina Mills and Rumplestiltskin Gold . . . you have some 'splaining to do!"

Regina gulped and exchanged glances with Rumple. "Uh oh . . ."

A/N:** So who liked the Rumple/Bae bonding at the beginning? And who thought the Nevenger's revenge was funny? And what's going to happen to our little pranksters now?**


	31. The Price of Vengeance

**31**

**The Price of Vengeance**

Neal sighed deeply. This talk they were going to have with his father and Regina was not going to be easy but they needed to make both children understand why what they did was wrong and not to do it again. "Now...did we not tell both of you that if Blue caused any trouble you were to come to us first and we would handle it?" he asked.

"Yeah, but-she was the one who got Gwen lost!" Regina objected.

"No buts, Regina Mills," Emma said firmly.

"And we just wanted to teach her a lesson!" Rumple added, swallowing sharply.

"She's always doing mean stuff to us an' hurting us!" Belle interjected.

"And who decided it was up to you to punish her? Are you her parent, Rumplestiltskin?" Neal inquired asking a question his father had years ago when he did something similar.

"Yeah and I'm sick of her!" Killian put in.

Rumple looked down at his shoes. "Umm . . . no . . .but she deserved it! She tol' this girl Keira to let Gwen out and made it seem like we were bad people . . . that we hurt Gwen an' hit her! And she LIED, Bae! She wanted Gwen to get lost and maybe die!" he cried angrily, his eyes sparkling with tears.

"She was wrong to do what she did, but so were you, Mr. Gold," Neal continued sternly. "Whatever spell you two put on her to make those dogs-err-run after her and . . . umm . . . hump her . . ." He went red. " . . .you could have made the dogs hurt her . . .is that what you wanted? To be like her?"

"Because that is what people will think if you continue to behave like this...using your gifts to harm instead of help," Emma added.

"But what hurts us the most is that you didn't have enough faith in us to do the right thing," Neal put in.

Now Rumple felt terrible. "M'sorry, Bae," he sniffled. "I . . .just wanted to . . . show the Butt Muncher that we weren't . . ." he looked at the other Nevengers for help.

" . . . that we weren't gonna take any of her crap lying down!" Killian said.

"Yeah! She hurt our dog n' Gwen never did nothing to her!" Regina cried. "And she lied an' make herself look like she was innocent!"

"Then it was up to us and Melanie to decide the proper punishment...not you. What you did was very dangerous and all magic comes with a price," Emma reminded them.

Rumple nodded. He knew that was so-it was a truth bred in the bones of every magic user since the dawn of time. "I guess . . . we shoulda waited . . . but I just got mad . . .an' we thought it'd be funny . . ."

"Would it have been funny if she were mauled to death?" Neal challenged.

" No . . . but we didn't make the dogs mad . . ." Regina put in. "Just horny."

Emma sighed. "People...can do strange things when they're emotional...the same with animals and sometimes if those emotions get out of control, terrible things can happen.. And those dogs were emotional...and they can attack when they're like that, especially if another dog is in their territory."

"And had those dogs started fighting, Blue would have been caught in the middle of it and she has no magic to defend herself."

"Oh," Regina said, a light dawning in her eyes.

"That's not good," Rumple admitted. "I didn't think 'bout that."

"You should have," Neal scolded gently but firmly. "You both should have."

"You need to always think before you act...same as before you speak," Emma advised. "Every action has a consequence."

Rumple bit his lip. He hated making Bae and Emma angry with him. It hurt him deep inside.

"M'sorry I was bad! I don't want to be a dark sorcerer!"

"Me neither!" Regina said.

Both children began to cry, terrified they would turn into evil monsters.

"I don't wanna turn into an evil witch!" wailed Regina.

"We don't want you to either and it hurts us as much as it hurts you, actually more, to say these things but we love you and we want to help you." Neal explained.

Rumple looked up at Neal and said shakily, "Y'want me to . . .get the belt?" He knew perfectly well what evil sorcerers deserved.

"Good God, no!" he cried.

"Why would you ever think we'd do that...?" Emma asked, hurt.

The little boy gazed up at them sadly. "B'cause . . .that's what you do to evil sorcerers . . .like me . . ."

"We do not beat children in this house. Yes, we will spank you but only if your behavior warrants it, and never with anything or because you're evil." Neal told them quietly.

"We thought you knew us better than that," Emma was close to tears.

"Then you don't think we're evil?" Regina queried, sniffling.

"Or monsters?" Rumple asked.

"NO!" they cried

Alarmed by all the commotion, Gwen came into the room and ran over to the two children and began licking the tears from their faces and whining.

"You're not monsters, either of you!" Belle said. "SHE is!"

"Yeah, she's like poison, mate," Killian said. "You gonna punish HER too?"

"It's not our place to. It's Melanie's She is her mother and you are our children so it is our place to punish you." Emma answered.

"But are you gonna tell Miss Melanie what she's done?" Regina persisted.

"Yes, we are and she will decide what punishment is suitable. Just as we will for what went on today."

"Good!" the brunette said. "You can do whatever you want to me, as long as the Butt Muncher pays for what she done too!" She lifted her little chin bravely.

Rumple swallowed and said softly, "Me too . . .I know you won't beat me like my papa did . . ."

Gwen whuffed sharply. No one's beating you while I'm around!

"First...you both have a date with the corner...five minutes each," Emma said. "And during that time we want you both to think long and hard about why what you did was wrong."

"Yes, Mom," Regina sighed. The corner sucked! "I'm sorry."

"Okay, Emma," Rumple agreed, hanging his head.

"Second...you are all going to watch some programs about the dangers of animal attacks and see for yourselves what happens then they do." Neal added.

Rumple's eyes widened. "Y'mean like When Animals Attack? I saw a 'mercial with that on Animal Planet."

"That's what we mean," Emma told him. "And to make sure you remember not to do this again . . . you'll each have some extra chores around here," Emma added. "Rumple, you're going to help Neal dust and Regina you can help me vacuum up the crumbs after dinner with the Dustbuster. And you can both set the table and wash dishes for week."

"Yeah, and we'll make sure you don't have to wash the pots and pans or the glasses," Neal added, imagining the broken crockery if they tried that. "Just the plates." The plates were durable plastic ones, unbreakable if dropped.

"Yes, sir," Rumple sighed. He didn't mind cleaning things . . . except when it was a punishment.

"Yes, Daddy," Regina groaned. She hated being made to work like a servant . . . even if it was deserved.

I didn't like it either Papa, but I had to do it, he thought.

"I'll try to behave," Rumple promised.

"Me too," Regina agreed. She didn't want her new parents mad at her.

"That's all we ask. You will make mistakes but we want this to be a lesson to you to do better next time. That goes for all of you," Neal said.

"Okay," they chorused.

"Are we gonna do the corner now?" Rumple asked, wanting to get it over with.

"Yes. Five minutes and remember what we said...think..." Neal instructed.

Rumple and Regina slid off the couch and went over to opposite corners of the playroom and stood with their noses against the wall. Rumple leaned a little on his cane but was otherwise still as a statue.

Regina, by contrast, wriggled and shifted after a minute or two, for she disliked standing still.

"Don't move," Belle called. "Else you'll get another minute."

Regina rolled her eyes. She HATED time out! But she knew it was deserved and would try to do better in the future.

Rumple was glad it was only five minutes, because while he didn't mind being still, his leg would ache after standing on it so long without moving, even with his cane's support. But he knew he deserved this . . . he'd been bad and made Emma and Bae disappointed . . . and this was better than getting a spanking.

Neal timed Rumple with his watch while Emma timed Regina with her phone.

"My foot's fallin' asleep," muttered the little queen.

"Shhh!" ordered Killian.

"Regina, do you want another two minutes?" Emma asked.

"No, ma'am!" she said quickly. She'd DIE if she had to stand here another two minutes!

"Then I suggest you do less talking and more thinking."

Rumple blinked tears away, and his hand tightened on his cane. But he knew better than to talk or move. Remember, remember, he thought.

Neal hated seeing his father so uncomfortable but he also didn't want him to become the Dark One again. He feared the curse could become active again if Rumple continued to use dark magic.

Finally the five minutes was over.

"Okay, now go in and sit down in the living room," Neal instructed.

The two obeyed, practically running away from their corners.

Neal hooked up his Chromecast, logged into his Netflix account and brought up several shows dealing with animal attacks

He knew they'd have to have the children look away and mute the sound for the gruesome parts but wanted them to pay close attention to the narratives.

All the kids were considerably sobered and quiet after they had watched the shows, and Emma was glad to see the two magicians were taking their lessons to heart.

Afterwards, Rumple and Regina came and hugged Neal and Emma, who told them they were forgiven and to try and behave next time and remember to come to them if another child was harming them and not take matters into their own hands.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Sapphira was enjoying drinking tea and eating the cookies Melanie had bought from the girl at the park. She hoped those rotten babies were getting the snot beaten out of them by the Dark One's son.

"I like these cookies the best," she told Mel, eating a Thin Mint.

"Yes, and I had a very interesting conversation with the girl who sold them," Melanie said, frowning.

"About selling the cookies?" Sapphira asked, licking her fingers

"No, about how the Gold's dog got loose. You lied to me, Sapphira."

"I didn't go outside or let that stupid dog out!" she protested. Surely Melanie couldn't know what had happened.

"No, but you lied about your involvement in the matter."

She glanced away. "What are you talking about?"

"You told that girl the dog was being abused, another lie to gain her sympathy and to have her carry out your little scheme for you!"

Sapphira shrugged. "If she wanted to help the dog from those bratty babies, that was her choice. Not my fault!"

"Oh, but it is you manipulated her and now there will be consequences for your actions."

"Why do you care anyhow? They used magic on me and made those nasty dogs chase me!" she cried.

"And none of that would have come to pass if you never would have said those terrible things to that girl. Your lies began this feud but I am ending it now...how Emma and Neal chose to handle their children's behavior is their concern."

Sapphira pouted and sulked.

"Come here, Sapphira," Melanie said firmly.

The little girl shook her head stubbornly.

"Yes. I will not tolerate lying. And you know well how we punish that. You will be receiving five swats."

The child glared at her.

"Do you want to make it six?"

"No." Reluctantly she came by her guardian.

Melanie turned the child over her knee and raised her hand to deliver the first swat. "One."

Yet inside she wasn't certain if she wanted to scream or cry. She wanted to be a good mother to the child but Sapphira continued to test her limits.

Sapphira whimpered as Melanie spanked her. She hated this humiliating punishment and was sure her foster mother enjoyed it.

"I do not want to do this, but you leave me no choice. . . Two!"

She brought her hand down again. "Three." She fought back tears, paused a moment then continued. "Four."

She could barely get the word out when she gave the final swat. "F...five."

Afterwards she let Sapphira up, the child was sniffling and fighting back her own tears.

"I will ask you again, not to make me do this again," Melanie pleaded. "I do not enjoy it at all but you must understand I am your mother now and you should respect me by being honest with me. You must know that there is a reason why we fae insist upon honesty-for nowhere does evil enter so readily as with the broken word or untruth. Have you forgotten that? Also, I have told you before that your own intolerance and need for revenge will harm you worse in the end than anything else . . . and I am living proof of it. If you do not wish to travel the dark path, you shall heed my words, girl. And accept the consequences of your actions . . .for you, and you alone, are responsible for them. Also you will see for yourself what an abused animal actually is. You will help out at the shelter for a month."

"What?" Sapphira cried.

"Also, you will be responsible for cleaning the bathroom...every day for a month."

"I am not cleaning...the toilet."

"You will." Melanie said firmly. "And I will not be hearing any more complaints or it will be two months. Now do try and learn from this, child. Learn compassion and tolerance and to accept responsibility for yourself. Otherwise . . ." the enchantress trailed off warningly.

Sapphira realized any further protests would only earn her more punishments and suspected those babies had gotten off scot free.

_A day later:_

Everyone at the shelter was shocked to see Sapphira there but word had gotten around about her part in Gwen's disappearance, praising Melanie for how she decided to punish the child for her actions.

They put her to work immediately and when she was introduced to two dogs who had been rescued from a home where they were being bred to fight each other, she was horrified by what she saw. One of them was missing an eye, the other had part of his ear bitten off and both of them had severe lacerations on their bodies.

This was not what she saw on the dog in the Gold yard. It was well cared for and seemed happy. Now she realized that dog would've ended up like the two she was looking at. She got to work cleaning their cages and setting out food and water for the, crying as she did so.

And for the first time in her life, she truly understood the price of vengeance, and realized that Maleficent was right.


	32. Clubhouse Building Mishaps

**Clubhouse Building Mishaps and Monster Busting ~**

At first Neal thought it would be easier if they bought one of those premade playhouses but as soon as he suggested it, he had four very angry toddlers on his hands. He threw up his hands in surrender, turned on his laptop and started looking up pictures of other childrens' clubhouses and what he would need to help them build one and enlisted Henry, Gepetto, David and August and the dwarves help with the carpentry while Emma and Snow would help the kids decorate and furnish the inside of it and some of the things they wanted inside it made them all wonder if they wanted a clubhouse or a mini mansion!

They requested a refrigerator for drinks, a cupboard for snacks, beds in case they needed a nap, an air conditioner if it was too hot and some kind of heater if it was too cold and Rumple insisted on having a sink put in and some cleaning supplies in case it got dirty.

"Okay guys, come on…it's a clubhouse not your house," Emma reminded them. "You can have a little refrigerator and bunk beds but the other stuff is out. You won't be out there in the wintertime and you can open the windows if it gets too hot or go outside."

"Awww!" they complained and started giving her the puppy eyed look.

"Nice try but it's not happening," she said firmly then shook her head. She could hear cursing in the backyard while the men were working on building the frame for the house.

"Hey…guys….little pitchers have big ears so cool it!" she yelled back to them.

"Bae said THE bad word!" Rumple cried. "You better go get the Ivory, Emma."

"I will if I hear any more."

Neal cursed under his breath, nursing his sore fingers after hitting them with the hammer for the third time and giving August looks that could kill when he heard him laughing. They wasted three pieces of wood by cutting them too short, Gepetto and the dwarves had gotten into an argument about whether one side of the frame was crooked and August broke one of the windows when he was trying to get it out of the car and David broke the door window and took off some of the door paint while he was trying to lean it against the side of the house.

Emma and Snow took the kids to the home improvement store so that they could choose what color of paint they wanted for the clubhouse once it was completed. They wanted to paint it themselves and pick out the items they were allowed to put in it.

"I don't want pink! I want RED!" Regina complained when Rumple suggested the same salmon shade as the house. "Bad 'nough we gotta live in a big pink house."

"For the last time it's salmon…not pink!" Rumple grouched. "I mean it, when we get home I'm getting out the box of crayons and I'm showing you it's not pink!"

"I want black." Killian said.

"You don't paint a house black!" Belle argued. "We're not the Munsters or the Addams family! Why not blue?"

"Then it won't match the house," Rumple pointed out.

"What?!" Regina cried. "You kidding me?"

"No. We gotta make it match the house."

"That's stupid!" Killian grumbled.

"No it isn't!"

"Yeah it is!"

"How about this one?" Rumple pointed to sienna on the chart.

"It'll make it look like a big turd!" Killian complained.

"No it won't!"

"Yeah it will. Not staying in a clubhouse that looks like something in the potty."

"Well then what color do you want?!" Rumple yelled, throwing the chart down in frustration.

"Guys….quit it or do I have to count to three?" Emma threatened.

"No." they all answered and bowed their heads.

They eventually decided on desert to be the house's color. Emma purchased the paint supplies while Snow took the children to other departments to find the other items they would need: a table and chairs for inside, a slide, a swing set, a quick set pool and a picnic table for the outside.

"We need a potty too," Regina pointed out.

"Ummm…you won't have room for one, sweetie."

"Then we need to get a porta potty."

"Ewww…no…they're dirty and they smell bad!" Rumple groaned. "Don't even have sinks so's you can wash your hands after you pee and poop. Gross!"

"What about an outhouse?" Belle suggested.

"That's worse! You sit on a board and poop in a hole in the ground!"

Snow chuckled. Well that was how we did it back then. Ahhh, the wonders of indoor plumbing.

"Yeah well, I'm not running really far if I gotta go!" Killian complained.

"Ummm…why don't you talk to Emma and Neal about that, okay?" Snow asked.

Neal had given Emma Rumple's AmEx card. As soon as the total for the sale came up she cringed. It was over four thousand dollars for everything and they had three carts full of items plus the larger ones were being delivered.

When they got back to the house, the men were sitting in the backyard eating their lunch. They managed to get the frame for the house put up and were now working on the main structure of the house.

When the children informed Neal they wanted a potty, he reminded them there was a bathroom in the basement.

"We can't go down there," Belle said fearfully. "There's monsters down there!"

"There are no monsters in the basement," Neal assured her.

"Yes, there are. You gotta chase 'em out, Bae!" Rumple pleaded. The dwarves started laughing. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave them his Dark One glare. "Not funny! They eat kids, you dummies!"

"Yeah, but they should eat you guys cause you're mean!" Regina yelled.

"How would you like it if a monster ate you?" Killian demanded.

"You wouldn't like it at all," Belle added.

"Please, Bae….chase 'em out," Rumple begged.

"Okay buddy…I'll get 'em out. Come on guys…you heard them. We need to get the monsters out of the basement."

"You wanna explain to us how the hell we're going to do this, Cassidy?" Leroy inquired.

Neal glanced over at Emma and winked. It was going to take a bit of magic and a volunteer but if they didn't prove to the kids there wasn't a monster in the basement anymore, they'd still be terrified to go down there.

They left the kids with Snow and went into the basement, Happy being chosen to play the monster.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," he muttered while he changed into the monster suit Emma conjured. She tried to make it look more silly than scary.

"You're on," she said.

"Gee thanks….GRRRROWWWLLLLL!"

"It's the monster!" the kids screamed, hearing the growling from the basement.

"Get him, Bae! Make him go away!" Rumple and Belle cried.

"Under arrest him, Emma!" Regina cheered.

"Put him in Davy Jones' locker!" Killian yelled.

Happy ran out of the basement in his monster costume with Neal and Emma pursuing him. Neal tacked him to the ground while Emma took out her handcuffs. "You're under arrest for scaring our kids!"

"YAY! They did it!" the kids cheered, jumping up and down excitedly.

"C'mon…monster…got a nice cell waiting for you," Neal said with a grin, leading Happy down the street with Emma behind him.

He changed out of the monster costume in the alley. Emma banished it with her magic and teleported him back to the house where the kids couldn't see.

When they got back the children were still excited and Henry was taking more pictures on his phone for his Nevenger Adventure book and decided he would call this part Monster Busting 101.

Their lunch break over, the men got back to work. They got most of the outside of the clubhouse constructed before nightfall and covered it with tarp in case it rained. They would work on the rest of it in the morning. The kids were a bit disappointed that it wasn't finished and Rumple and Regina thought about using a little magic to help but they didn't want to make anyone mad. Their last magical episode taught them quite a lesson.

The whole household was up early the next morning. The men went back to work on the sides of the house. Henry and Emma assembled the swing set while Snow and Ruby worked on the quick set pool. The kids kept themselves busy by playing with Gwen on the other side of the yard.

"Whoever said putting these things up is easy needs to be beaten severely," Ruby complained. "Why the hell did they put it in such a small box? We'll never get these kinks out!"

Emma purchased a 16 foot wide Intex pool with a pump and ladder. She and Neal wanted something small so the kids could sit in it. She figured they probably knew how to swim but they could do that in a regular pool later on. Besides, Rumple would probably have a fit if they put a full sized pool in his backyard. Before the women could inflate the top ring, they had to unroll the pool and walk out the kinks. Frustrated, Ruby grabbed the hose and started filling it up to work the rest of them out.

"I don't have the pump hooked up yet!" Snow cried. All the water leaked out. "We have to hook the pump up before we fill it! You wasted all that water!"

"So sue me!" Ruby shouted.

Rumple's ears perked up hearing someone mention a lawsuit. "Snow, why are you gonna sue Ruby?" he inquired.

The two women laughed.

"Good God, he's sharp as a tack, even while a kid!" Ruby exclaimed. "Ummm….I wasted water."

"She can't sue you for that….she'd havta sue you if you broke something of hers and didn't replace it," the little lawyer explained.

"Well if I did sue someone, would you represent me?" Snow asked him.

"Uh-huh." Rumple nodded. "I'd make 'em a deal they can't refuse."

"Oh my God," Ruby giggled. "We need to start calling him the Rumfather!"

"I'm not 'llowed to watch The Godfather. It has bad words n stuff in it," Rumple said. "But I saw a part of it before Bae told me I had to leave the room. Some guy was screaming 'cause there was blood in his bed."

"Emma!" Snow cried.

"What?"

"You need to tell your boyfriend not to watch R rated movies with kids in the house!"

"What's R rated mean?" Belle asked Rumple.

"It means kids aren't allowed to watch it 'cause it has bad words, blood, guts n sex stuff," Killian answered.

"How do you know that?' Regina demanded.

The little pirate smirked. "Cause I walked in while Neal was watching one and he told me I had to leave the room."

"What'd you see?" Rumple was curious.

"Ummm…some guy and girl were naked and groaning a lot…"

"Great Cassidy, just great. Make them learn early why don't you?" Emma scowled.

"Hon, it's not like they don't already know..."

"Not at this age!" Emma barked.

"They're babies!" Snow objected.

"Exactly my point," Emma said. "Your father would kick your ass for this, you know that!"

_No, he's probably laughing his ass off somewhere inside that three and half year old mind, Neal thought sarcastically. Don't I wish!_ Neal winced. He knew Emma was right. Rumple would have torn him a new one for that bit of carelessness. He was lucky right now Rumple was too young to do so . . .and he hoped once they were all adults again, the kid had forgotten about it.

"That was bad, Bae," little Rumple scolded.

Ruby doubled over laughing hysterically. "Oh my God...he's getting hell..from his three year old..."

Emma smirked. "Yeah . . .we get that a lot from them . . . especially if we do something we've told them not to . . . like swear . . ."

"Yeah but you gotta admit, it's so like them, isn't it?" the werewolf snickered.

"Oh shoot!" Snow exclaimed. "I almost overinflated this bitching thing!" She turned off the air pump and released some of the air out of the top ring of the pool. "There! Done! Now we just need to fill it with water."

"Hey!" Regina remarked, frowning. "You said a bad word! Emma, where's the Ivory?"

Emma grinned and conjured a bar of soap. "Open wide...Mom..."

"You have got to be...mmmph..."

Ruby pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of Emma shoving the bar of Ivory into her mother's mouth.

The kids watched in satisfaction, then Regina said, "Now don't make her do it again!"

"Well . . . least she didn't use the F-word," Rumple remarked. "Otherwise that would've been like a whole pack!"

"The Butt Muncher called Bae that word," Belle recalled.

"She needs a whole house!" remarked her little boyfriend.

"Oh did she?" Ruby said angrily. "She's lucky she doesn't have her wings or I'd eat them off in my wolf form."

Killian grinned. "Cool!"

Belle looked puzzled. "What did happen to her wings?"

"She lost them when she lost her magic I guess," Emma answered.

She could see Melanie standing on the opposite end of the fence, looking out into their yard.

"Do all fairies have wings?" wondered Belle. "Or only good ones?"

"I had them once too, child," Melanie answered.

Rumple cocked his head at her. "And what happened to 'em?"

"I don't use them anymore in this form."

"But you have them?" Belle asked.

"Oh yes, but flying never suited me. I preferred keeping my feet on the ground."

"I'd like to fly," Rumple announced wistfully. "Like Superman."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be, honey," Melanie said softly. "You can crash into things...when it rains, the water weighs you down..."

"Can you break them?" he queried, his quick mind jumping ahead two steps.

"Wings...yes...I did...once."

"Ouch!" Killian winced. "Didja hafta wear a cast?"

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Ya don't put a cast on wings, Hook! You splint 'em! Don'tcha know that?"

"Well 'scuze me for not bein' a vet, Mr. Know-It-All!" Killian snapped.

"It's common sense!" Rumple argued.

"He's right. Bird bones are light, they'd be crushed with a cast," Belle seconded.

"The walking dictionaries strike again!" Killian groaned.

"All right guys...no fighting or I count," Emma threatened. "And you get time out."

The kids stopped quarreling.

"The reason why I came over is I wanted to apologize for Sapphira's actions with your dog," Melanie said softly.

Rumple's eyes flashed. "She lied, and made Gwen get lost, Miss Melanie!"

"I know, dear, and I am sorry that I did not realize she was not telling me the full truth." Their neighbor said regretfully."But...she is learning for herself what an abused animal truly is and I am hoping I am finally reaching her."

"Good!" Regina said. "How you doing that?"

"I've assigned her some chores around the house...and she will be working at the shelter."

"Were ya real mad she lied to you?" Killian wanted to know.

Rumple nodded. "Cuz that's the worst. She broke her deal with you."

"And you have to remember to come to us next time and not take matters into your own hands," Emma pointed out.

"Or me. I assure you she was punished for lying, and will be for anything else wrong she does," Melanie pleaded. "Using magic for revenge can sometimes carry too high a price..."

"We'll remember," Rumple said softly. "I'm not a dark sorcerer."

"Me neither!" Regina said stoutly.

"Melanie, I do have a question for you..." began Emma.

"We need to break a curse on me," Rumple interrupted.

"The only problem is...how we get back to the Enchanted Forest. Blue was able to send the kids there with a wand but we broke the wand to bring them back. Can we use another or do we have to find a bean somewhere?"

"What wand did she use if I may ask?"

"Her own," Emma replied. "Or so Nova said."

"Good. If she used mine then a bean would be your other option."

"Yours?" Emma queried, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know if Nova told you or not but their name for me was the Black Fairy because of my knowledge of dark magic. But I also studied other magics including the ability to create portals at will."

"Then you can open a portal to the Enchanted Forest?" Regina cried.

"If I had my wand, yes."

"So we can find Merlin!" Rumple shrilled, bouncing up and down.

"Indeed you can. My wand was confiscated before I was exiled but I had no need of it since my studies gave me the ability to wield magic without it."

"Cause a wand just focuses magic . . .the magician casts it," Rumple said knowingly. "Only sometimes . . .you can get usta using a wand so much that you put all your magic in it, like you do money in a bank, an' when somebody breaks it, it's like they robbed you-all your money's gone and so's your magic."

"Exactly, which is why Sapphira no longer has hers."

"She can't . . . get it back, can she?" asked Belle concerned.

"No, dear. Once you send your magic to an outside source and it is destroyed it can never be recovered.".

"Oh, that's good!" Killian sighed in relief. "Lookit our clubhouse n' swimming pool! Isn't it neat?" He waved his new hand at them.

"My goodness...how lovely...though I heard a bit of venting over here. Sounds like hard work." Melanie chuckled.

"Yup. And Bae, you need to watch your mouth, dearie," Rumple scolded. "B'fore Emma makes you eat Ivory like Snow."

Bae blushed. "Umm . . .okay . . ." the he stared at Emma. "You . . . made your MOM eat Ivory?"

"Yup." Emma sighed.

"Also...I overheard that someone needs to amend their...television watching habits."

Neal reddened further. "Uh . . .yeah . . . I shouldn't watch that stuff when the kids are around . . ."

"Yeah, dearie, cuz who wants to see naked people actin' like dogs?" his father put in, scowling in disapproval.

Ruby almost collapsed on the ground from laughter.

Melanie chuckled.

Neal covered his face with his hand. _Papa, I swear, you're determined to make me die of embarrassment before I'm thirty! Just like I probably did to you._

"Yeah, an' what would your papa say?" Belle shook a finger at him.

_Just what he said now_, Neal thought.

"So don't watch them shows anymore," Killian added.

"Or no TV for you!" Rumple told him.

Emma lost it then...and so did Melanie.

"Hey . . .who's the adult here?" Neal protested, thinking sometimes he wasn't sure himself.

"You . . . but you is suppost to set a good zample," Regina said.

"Like you said your papa taught you," Rumple reminded.

"Guess they told you!" Emma teased.

"Shut up, Emma!" Neal grumbled. Then he said to his four consciences, "Okay . . .I'm sorry and I'll try and do better next time."

"You better not do it again or we'll ask Emma to swat you and give you time out," Rumple said with a smirk.

"You'll what?" Neal goggled at him. "Rumplestiltskin, I'm too old for that!"

"You think your papa wouldn't swat you at your age?" he challenged.

Emma snickered.

"Err . . ." Neal looked like he wanted to sink into the ground. "Uh . . .well . . ." _You know damn well he would . . .Baelfire,_ he thought.

Melanie's belly ached from laughing so much.

"Well, dearie?" Rumple pressured. "Answer my question."

"You tell 'im, Rumple," Killian cheered.

Hell, Papa, you already know it! Neal thought. Oh great, now he's got Hook on his side! Sighing, Neal said, "Yeah, he would. As a reminder."

"I would PAY to see that!" Emma said gleefully.

Neal glared at her. "Oh, don't act so smug! Your dad would do it to you if he'd raised you. Because where they come from, your kid's never too old for a reminder swat if he gets too full of himself."

"And speaking of that..." David said, sneaking up behind Emma and smacking her backside.

"What was that for?" she cried.

"Oh just to remind YOU you're not too old for a reminder."

Emma gaped at him.

Snow simply smiled.

Neal smirked. "You see?"

"Shut up," she grumbled.

"Because you're always your parents' child, no matter how old you are," Melanie said sagely."I was two hundred and three when my father went to the Blessed Realms, and he could still reduce me to jelly with one Look," she grinned. "And he was a gentle man."

And Neal suspected he would be the same way with Henry...and the others as long as they were still children. Rumple could do it to him, he thought ruefully.

"And it's the gentle ones who make the best disciplinarians," put in Snow. "My dad never raised his voice, or his hand, he just Looked at me and I felt so guilty I wanted to die."

Neal nodded. "Yeah I know exactly what you mean. I hated disappointing him more than if he beat me. Because guilt hurts worse than a smack."

"Yes it does," Melanie agreed."But when we were the ones being punished we did not understand that. Only now when we have children of our own do we understand."

"You can say that again," Neal said feelingly.

Rumple tugged on his sleeve. "But . . .the most important thing, Bae, is that you love your kid . . .an' forgive him. My papa never learned that lesson. Ever."

"The problem wasn't you...it was him," Neal said angrily.

"You sure?"

"Oh yes I'm sure. He was a miserable, selfish...bas...jerk. You're better off without him."

"Some people never learn how to treat others, no matter how many lessons they're given," Melanie said. "Because they do not wish to learn. Your father was one of those, Rumple. But . . .I think you are his opposite . . .and like my own father . . .are born with a good heart. You do not need to be taught . . .you are born knowing."

And only the darkest curse can corrupt such a one . . . and then not even fully, she thought.

For such a soul shall always yearn for the light . . . and shall always return to it.

"Even though I'm cursed?" the little boy asked nervously.

Mel nodded. "Yes, child. For even the darkest curse cannot totally destroy the good within . . . and if you are strong, you shall triumph over that . . . even that . . .evil is a choice . . .and one that you can always reject, if you truly wish to."

"Is that what Merlin's gonna tell me?"

"He may . . .but I do not know . . .for I am his opposite . . .since Light must have Dark . . .in order to truly know light. And he knows more than I ever shall about cursebreaking."

"I can't wait to see him. I wanna be like him...a good sorcerer an help people."

Melanie smiled. "He will be able to show you the way . . . if anyone can. For it is said . . .he too once wandered in darkness before the light reclaimed him."

"Really?"

"Yes. Or so the old tales say," Melanie murmured. "It is why he is the greatest of all sorcerers . . .because he understands both sides of magic."

Now that they knew how they could get to see Merlin, Rumple was once again eager to go. "We gotta find Melanie's wand so I can go see Merlin!"

"Relax, buddy. Melanie has to talk to Nova about it first," Neal reminded him. "And we have to get this clubhouse of yours built before we go anywhere."

"Awwww!" he pouted.

"Now don't give me that," Neal said. "You wanted this clubhouse and we're doing it, so the other thing can wait a bit. It's waited weeks already."

Rumple lowered his head in shame. "M'sorry Bae. I just don't wanna be cursed anymore."

"I know," he ruffled the boy's hair. "But please just be patient."

"I'll try..."

"Yeah and you're a lot better at it than I was at your age," he admitted. "I don't know how my papa didn't strangle me for driving him crazy."

"You really drove him crazy? Why?"

"Yeah, Neal. Tell us," Emma laughed.

"We wanna hear it Neal!" Killian said.

Even Emma was curious. Her boyfriend's own little mishaps were quite entertaining.

"Oh God!" he groaned. "Okay. I was hyper little brat, I couldn't sit still to save my life, I probably had ADHD but nobody knew about it, and I acted first and thought later about stuff. I was lucky my papa was patient and gentle with me, otherwise I'd have been black and blue for half my childhood."

"Umm what's ADHD, Bae?" Rumple asked, his small brow creasing.

"Uh . . . it's an attention deficit disorder that a lot of people have. Their brain doesn't focus well with a lot stimulus and we tend to have trouble as kids sitting still and everything."

"You mean they jump around like they got ants in their pants?" Regina asked.

"Or they got ice in there?" asked Belle.

Neal laughed. "Yeah, and we also want to do ten things at once and get distracted easily."

"You think we have it, Neal? we like to do lotsa stuff at one time." Killian said.

"Yeah, but you can also sit still for long periods of time and focus when you need to." He pointed out. "I could never concentrate long enough to be a good magician."

"Now you gotta get back to work. We're 'stracting you," Regina ordered.

"The queen has spoken," Emma giggled.

Neal bowed exaggeratedly. "Yes, Your Majesty." Then he went back to work.

Regina smirked."See...I CAN be a queen!"

"And insufferable too," muttered Rumple to Belle.

"Hey...no backtalk from the little people or yous gonna go to the dungeon and eat gruel."

Rumple snorted. "Dearie, you put your friends in a dungeon for telling you the truth and you're gonna have no friends and a revolt on your hands."

"I'm not insufferable!"

"You are when you order people around like they was your servants," he pointed out.

"Well how'm I supposed to get them to listen? That's how mama did it."

"But your mama was mean, right?" Belle said. "An' you don't wanna be like her, do you?"

"No...But I don't want em to walk all over me neither."

"So you can do things differently," Killian said. "Umm . . .a captain commands a ship but he also listens to his officers and bo'sun's n'stuff. They make like a committee . . .

Rumple nodded. He looked at Snow. "You usta rule a kingdom. How'd you do it?"

"Umm . . . I had a circle of trusted advisors and a council, and I discussed major decisions with them before I made one, if possible. So it wasn't just all on my shoulders when a big decision came up which affected everybody."

"So's I gotta have 'visors and a council?"

Snow nodded. "Yes. Because it takes more than one person to run a kingdom . . .it's made up of a lot of people and you need to learn that a good ruler delegates responsibility. I mean that you choose several people you think know a lot about a particular area or subject and let them make decisions based on their knowledge and expertise. For instance, Grumpy and his brothers know more about mining than I ever will, so that's what they were in charge of. And Charming was in charge of the cavalry . . . and if I'd had a court wizard like Rumple, he would have been in charge of maintaining the laws of magic in my kingdom." Snow spread her hands. "See, the monarch has final say, but you also learn to listen to your people and your advisors . . . because if you don't your people can knock your right off your throne . . ."

"Cause you're a tyrant," Rumple said. "Like my papa."

"Like Marie Antoinette?"

"Uh . . . don't know too much about her . . . but I know 'bout King John, an' he was the worst king England ever had," Rumple said. "He taxed people to death, n'made 'em starve, an' locked them up, an' nobody was 'llowed to say nothing about him that was bad . . . even when he did bad things . . .It was why people hated him an' why Robin Hood wanted King Ruchard to come home, cause England was a wreck."

"You mean like OUR Robin Hood?" Regina asked.

"Henry VIII was mean too and he cut off two of his wives heads!" Belle exclaimed.

"I must say the history of this world is...interesting to say the least," Melanie murmured.

"Yeah, something like that," Rumple nodded. "But Henry's daughter Lizabeth was a good queen, not like her papa."

"His other daughter was mean..called her Bloody Mary," Belle added.

"Yup. She burnt people at stakes . . .like people she thought were witches n'warlocks," Rumple agreed. "She'd have killed me."

"It's the old story . . . people fear what they don't understand . . . and intolerance breeds hatred and cruelty," Melanie murmured.

It was that very thing she was trying to teach her daughter, because Sapphira's unbending views were what had caused her own misery.

"Why don't you come over and have something to drink, Melanie," Emma invited.

"Yeah...you can sit with us...we got a picnic table," Rumple said.

"An' have some iced tea and cookies," Belle invited.

"Pleeessseee!" they all begged.

"All right," Melanie said. "Though that is the oddest invitation I have ever had." And she teleported over the fence into the yard.

"Be lucky you didn't get the sad puppy look. It's deadly," Emma said with a laugh. "Makes us give in almost every time."

"Oh? Then I must be grateful my child hasn't learned that yet," the fairy laughed.

Then Melanie went and sat with the children at the picnic table and ate cookies and drank iced tea with them until it was time to pick up Sapphira at the shelter.

"Bye Melanie! Come over again!" they chorused as she was leaving.

Then they looked expectantly at Emma. "What's for lunch?"

"Umm...errr...pizza?"

"YAY! PIZZA!" they all cried.

"An' chocolate ice cream!" Rumple added. Then he chanted, "You scream, I scream, we all scream for-"

"ICE CREAM!" they all finished the familiar saying.

"Emma, don't you ever cook?" her mother chastised.

Her daughter looked slightly ashamed. "Umm . . . no . . . I don't know how . . .I was never in one place long enough to really learn and at a group home they fed you whatever was easiest, like cereal and soup and stuff."

"Well, then it's about time you learned, Emma," said her mother. "Come, I'll show you how to cook something a little more substantial than pizza . . . and somewhat healthier too."

"Awwww!" the kids complained, dreading what gross stuff she was planning on teaching Emma to cook.

Snow chuckled. "I promise, you'll like what I'm going to make . . .I always did."

"What is it?" Regina wanted to know.

"You'll see," Snow said, and smirked, thinking, _You were_ _the one who made it for me, before you became my stepmother._

"It's gonna be gross...I know it..." Killian muttered.

Rumple shook his head. "Nothin's as gross as eating cold corn mush . . .or scraps offa the floor." He looked up at Emma. "Uh . . . if we don't like it, do we hafta eat it?" He came from a place where kids basically ate whatever they were given and that was it.

"No, you don't have to."

"Good!" he sighed in relief.

Then Emma followed Snow inside, wondering what she was going to show her.


	33. Suddenly

**33**

**Suddenly**

Snow taught Emma how to make sandwich pockets with a dough similar to pie crust, and she filled one with ham and cheese and the other with spinach and feta. "You can even make a dessert one, " her mother said, and showed her how to cut up some apples and sprinkled cinnamon and some sweetner on them and then wrap them in a pocket also. The pockets baked in the oven for about 15-20 minutes and then Snow let them cool before putting them on a tray and bringing them outside. However, she left the apple ones inside because otherwise the kids would want to eat those first.

"See how easy that was?" she chirped to Emma.

Emma nodded. It had been easy, but next time she was buying the ready made pie crust because she doubted if she could make it from scratch like Snow.

"These are sandwich pockets," Snow announced, putting the plate down on the picnic table.

"What's in 'em?" Killian looked dubious.

"Well, these have ham and cheese," she indicated the ones one the right. "And these have spinach and feta," she indicated the ones on the left.

Emma came and put a plate of mini tomatoes, cucumbers, and carrot sticks down with some Italian dressing dip, since that was what they had in the house. She also gave each child a glass of milk.

"You have to at least try one of each," she told the four toddlers. "And if you don't like it, I can make you peanut butter and jelly."

Killian looked at the spinach and feta pocket on his plate and muttered, "I don't think I'm gonna like this one."

Rumple glanced at his friend and muttered, "Oh, just suck it up and try it, Jones! You won't die! I've eaten ten times worse." Then, as if to illustrate his point, he took the spinach pocket and bit it. "Mmm! See? It's good!"

Killian scowled. "Yeah, cause you like green stuff!" He took a bite of the ham and cheese one. "Okay, I like this!" he said, chewing.

"These are good!" Belle said, eating alternat bites of each of hers.

Regina smelled hers. They smelled okay. She nibbled a corner. "Not bad." Then she tentatively took a bite of the ham and cheese one. "Mmm!"

"Now try the other one," Snow urged. Then she whispered to Emma, "She taught me how to make these . . . and she loved them, especially the a-p-p-l-e ones."

Regina took a nibble of the spinach and feta one next. She chewed experimentally. "I like this one too!" she said and then took a big bite.

Killian was still hesitating. "I dunno . . ."

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! Even _Regina_ likes it, and you know how picky she is."

"Yeah but . . .isn't spinach like brockli, mate?"

"No." Then the other boy got an idea. "Okay . . . I _dare_ you to take one bite of that and chew it and swallow it! Or are you chicken?"

Hook glared at Rumple. "I am not! Watch who you're calling chicken!"

"Then try it!" Rumple pointed to Killian's plate.

Killian, not wanting to be thought a chicken . . .picked up the spinach pocket and bit it.

"Now chew it an' swallow it," Rumple ordered. "You can't spit it out!"

Killian chewed . . .and found he actually liked the combination of salty feta, spinach and onions which the pocket was filled with. He swallowed it and grinned. "Ya know . . .I like that!"

"I thought you would!" Snow said as the three other toddlers clapped for their friend. "Now, we also have a surprise for dessert, but first you eat lunch."

There were good natured groans at that, but all the children complied.

When they were done, having eaten most of or all of their sandwich pockets, Snow brought out the apple ones.

"Yay!" they cheered when they tasted them.

"Mmm! Apple turnovers!" Regina said, her small face smeared with crumbs. "They're the bestest!"

Henry came over to see what was going on. "Hey, what are those you're eating?"

"They're great!" Regina pointed to the plate, which had two left on it. "Eat it, Henry! It's an apple turnover!"

Henry was reaching for the plate when he heard that and then he snatched his hand back. "No thanks! I don't like apples."

"Aww!" Regina looked upset.

"Ya didn't even try it!" Rumple frowned.

"Yeah, you should at least try," Belle put in.

"But . . . but . . .I've never liked apples," Henry protested.

"You ain't chicken, are ya?" challenged Killian.

"No!"

"Then try it, dearie," Rumple encouraged.

Henry frowned. He couldn't believe he was being connived into trying a food he was convinced he hated by these four little munchkins! "Okay . . . but if I puke, it's your fault!"

"You won't," Rumple assured him. "Now eat it! There's kids starving in Afghanistan."

Henry closed his eyes and took a small bite. He was sure he was going to hate it. . .until he tasted the cinnamon and then the sweetness of the apple. He opened his eyes.

"Well?" demanded Hook. "Are ya dead yet?"

"No . . . it's actually . . .good . . ." Henry admitted. Then he took another bite.

"Toldja!" Regina crowed. Apple was now all over her face.

"Wipe your mouth, you're makin' a mess!" Rumple groaned. He handed her some napkins.

"Oh, be quiet, Mr. Neat Freak!" Regina said. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Frog face!" Rumple snapped.

"Lizard lips!"

"Sourpuss!"

"Floofy hair!"

"Rat's nest!"

"Eeww!" Belle said.

"Guys, that's enough!" Emma ordered before a full scale fight could ensue. "Or else both of you are going to be looking at a wall. Got me?"

Both Regina and Rumple nodded, looking ashamed.

After lunch the kids went back outside to see the progress on the clubhouse, disappointed that it was not yet finished and the pool was put together but still not full yet. Because of its size, filling it with a garden hose would take several hours and then the water had to be shocked. Emma informed the disappointed toddlers that the pool would not be ready to swim in for a day or two.

The men got the outside of the house finished and were now working on putting the floor down while Snow and Emma watched the kids on their swing set.

"When Henry was born, I thought I couldn't be a mother. I was so scared and so young, thinking by giving him up I was giving him his best chance but now...now I see what I missed..." Emma confessed sadly.

Snow took her daughter's hand in hers. "So do I. If you don't end up having to raise these guys, are you thinking about having another baby?"

Emma smiled. "We have to get married first, but yeah...I want to be able to raise my child from the beginning this time. But...we may end up having to take care of Rumple and Belle once in a while after they get changed back because he likes being a kid sometimes...just to keep Neal on his toes he claims." Snow chuckled.

Emma got up and retrieved the bags of pool shock from the picnic table and poured them into the water then picked up the skimmer. One of her foster families owned a pool and they taught her how to care for one the one summer she lived with them.

She stepped in. "Holy shit that is COLD!" she howled.

"Ooooohhh, you swore! Snow, you better get the Ivory!" Regina yelled.

"Dammit," Emma cursed under her breath when her mother approached with the same bar of soap she'd been forced to endure earlier. Snow smirked and stuck the bar in her daughter's mouth.

The children laughed from the swing.

David and Snow stayed on so that Snow could help Emma cook dinner. She was going to try her hand at making her own hamburgers. When she put the ground beef in a bowl and started to shape some of it into a hamburger, her mother shook her head. "What?"

Snow took some eggs out of the refrigerator, cracked them and dumped the yolks into the bowl. "Now mix up the egg with the beef," she instructed.

It was cold and her fingers felt greasy but simple enough, only her mother wasn't done yet. She had Emma pour in garlic salt, parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, and onion salt. She also chopped up some onions and green peppers and threw them into the mix as all the children liked the vegetables.

They shaped the patties and put them in a skillet filled with water.

"Why do we need water?" Emma asked.

"You'll see," her mother said with a smile. When the burgers were nearly cooked, Snow opened two packages of beef flavored Ramen noodles and dumped the seasoning into the skillets.

"Those smell good!" Killian exclaimed, practically drooling.

"Why you cooking the burgers in water 'stead of frying them?" Belle inquired.

"It doesn't make them as greasy...but there's one more thing we need to do," Snow explained. "Now we make the gravy."

"Gravy? On hamburgers?" Emma made a face.

"Oh, believe me, once you try it, you'll never eat one without it again," her father assured her.

She doubted it but she would try it anyway.

Snow cut one of the hamburgers into four small pieces for each child to try with gravy.

"Mmmm! I'm gonna eat mine like this from now on...and on my fries!" Regina exclaimed, pouring some of the gravy onto her fries. "And these aren't greasy either."

"That's because we baked them in the oven, sweetie," Snow explained.

Emma's attempt at dinner was as successful as lunch. Though the children still liked eating burgers and fries at Granny's, they wanted to eat them the way Emma now knew how to make them at home.

I'm really getting the hang of this now, she thought confidently.

Little did she know that the next morning she and Neal were going to be faced with a new challenge. Neither of them had been aware that there was a nasty cold going around town and many children and adults were already affected. They assumed it was going to be just a normal day until they went to wake up the kids and discovered all of them were feverish, coughing, sneezing and had body aches. After speaking to Dr Whale, Neal drove down to the pharmacy to pick up medicine for them.

Emma called Neal on his cell and reminded him to pick up extra tissues and some antibacterial wipes also because she knew Rumple was going to go nuts about the germs everywhere. She also asked him to pick up several cans of chicken noodle soup or chicken and stars since she recalled always wanting to eat that when she was sick. That and tea with buttered toast. Then she went to check on her four sick kids, thanking God Henry hadn't come down with this, though he'd begged to stay home from school anyhow. But Emma had insisted he go, because school was important to her and she didn't want Henry to get in the habit of just skipping school for every little thing.

"M'too hot!" Belle complained, kicking off her covers.

"And I'm freezin'!" Regina whimpered, hugging the covers to her.

"My body hurts!" Killian wailed.

Rumple sneezed all over his bed. "Oh no!" he yelled. "I got my bed all filled with germs!" He tried to get out of bed to change the sheets.

"Oh, no you don't!"

"But Emma . . .my sheets are all yucky!" Rumple whined. "And I'm hot n' all stuffed up!"

"You stay in that bed, Rumplestiltskin. You need your rest."

The little boy shook his head. "Nooo! It's all germy!"

"Okay . . ." Emma said, recognizing his OCD starting to kick in. "You can wait for me while I change the top sheet and get you a towel, but you have to stay in here after that . . . because otherwise you'll get germs all over everything." She got out a clean top sheet.

"I gotta go potty," Regina mumbled.

"Okay, go ahead," Emma called, wondering if she should put them all in Pull-ups just in case.

"Can I have new jammies?" Rumple asked, "These're all yucky," he indicated his top, which he had sneezed on.

"You gonna have her change everything?" Killian demanded from his bed. "You're just gonna mess up 'em again!"

"Shut up!" Rumple shouted. "It's all wet and I ain't staying in something 'sgusting like that!" He hated when his clothes got dirty and he couldn't change them because he'd been forced to wear dirty clothes back when he lived with Malcolm.

"Quit pickin on Rumple!" Belle snapped from her own bed.

"You mind your own business, ya busybody bookworm!" Killian yelled.

"No fighting!" Emma ordered.

"HE started it!" Belle coughed.

"I don't care who started it. I want it stopped."

"Fine," Belle said sulkily.

Killian was smirking.

"Wipe that smirk off your face Mr Jones because you would be facing a wall if you weren't sick."

"Okay, Ma. Sheesh!" grumbled the little pirate.

Rumple coughed into his hand, his chest felt heavy. "Okay Rumple let's get you back into bed," Emma said softly after she finished changing him and the bedding.

She picked him up and put him back in bed, tucking the covers around him and giving him a small hand towel so he could sneeze into it until Neal came back with the tissues.

"I wanna go downstairs 'n watch cartoons," Regina said.

"No . . . you need to stay up here," Emma began.

"Yeah, or else germs'll get everywhere." Rumple told her hoarsely.

"I wanna watch Jack Sparrow," Killian pleaded.

"Emma I'm thirsty!" Belle whined.

"Me too, my throat's all scratchy!" Rumple said.

Emma ran downstairs to get glasses of water for Rumple and Belle. While she was down there she heard Regina yelling her name.

"Just a minute!" she called back.

"EMMA!" Regina yelled again.

Emma wanted to cover her ears. That kid had a screech worse than a cat in heat! she thought, and carried a covered plastic pitcher upstairs with ice water in it and four plastic cups. "Regina, what's the matter?"

"I..ummmm... had an accident!" she cried.

"Didn't you just go potty?"

"Yeah..but..." The little girl started crying.

"Ewwww...Regina...you pooped!" Belle wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Oh God!" Emma groaned . . . and then she went and magicked glasses of water into Belle and Rumple's rooms for them and went to help Regina get cleaned up in the bathroom.

"I couldn't help it!" Regina sobbed. "M'sorry Emma!"

"It's okay . . . you're sick . . . it happens," Emma soothed, using magic to vanish the soiled pajamas and then getting a wash cloth with soapy warm water and washing the child. "And after this you're gonna wear one of these," she said, and pulled out a Pull-Up from the closet.

"I don't wanna Pull Up! They'll all think I'm a baby!"

"Sweetie, I promise nobody will know . . .see, we're gonna put new jammies on and everything," Emma sighed.

"You sure?" she asked hopefully.

"Uh huh. Lemme tell you a secret," Emma whispered in her ear. "I used to wear them too whenI was kid." Or the version they had back then, she thought.

"Really? When you were sick?"

"Yeah. My foster mom made me wear 'em so I didn't pee in my bed," Emma admitted.

"Okay I'll wear it cause I don't wanna poop my jammies again."

"That's good," Emma smiled at her. If she had her way, she wanted all of them in one.

"It's 'gusting."

"Yeah . . .I know . . ." she said. "Does your tummy hurt?"

They heard someone pounding on the door. "Hurry up! I don't wanna poop my jammies too!" Rumple cried from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, it hurts," Regina answered.

Dammit! Emma swore and opened the door so Rumple could come in.

"Okay . . . let's get you back to bed," Emma said and picked her up and brought her back into her room.

Killian and Belle were now complaining of stomach pains.

"Emma, I'm back!" Neal called from the steps.

Emma realized that unless she wanted to be cleaning up poop all day, she'd better do something fast, conjured small commodes by each of their beds. "Neal, get up here!"

"What's the toilets for?" he asked when he entered the room.

"So they don't have accidents in their beds trying to get to the bathroom," Emma explained. "I just had to clean up Regina .. . she pooped herself. Did you get what I needed?"

"Yeah," He handed her the bag of medicines. "Whatever this stuff is, it's nasty. A lot of people in town have it."

"Great! How long's it last?" Emma moaned.

"A week at least."

"Oh Jesus!" she sighed. "Umm . . . okay . . .I think we need to get them all in Pull Ups just in case . . . and then we can start giving them the children's Tylenol and the cold medicine. And I know to make them drink plenty of fluids. I got water up here already . . .oh, and your father's OCD started up just before . . .I had to change his sheet and his pajamas."

""They won't go for the Pull-ups idea, hon."

"I got Regina to wear one after her accident," Emma said. "I told her I did when I was sick. So you can do it too."

"Okay...I'll try."

"They're in the closet," Emma waved a hand at the hall closet.

Neal grabbed enough for the other three children and went into the room.

"Pull ups!" Killian protested. "M'not wearing those."

"Look, kiddo, I know they're not cool, but . . . umm . . . you don't want to wake up in a puddle or worse, right?" Neal persuaded.

"Bae, do we have to?" Rumple asked sadly.

"Aww . . .c'mon, I know it sucks," Neal winced at the expression in the child's eyes. "But . . . umm . . . I wore something like that once when I was sick . . .my papa made me . . ." Then he prayed Rumple was too sick to sense he was lying through his teeth, for there had been nothing like that back in their old realm.

"He did?"

"Uh . . . yeah . . . so I didn't wreck my mattress . . ." Neal said. God only know what he did, he thought, wincing.

"I don't wanna make my bed messy again."

"Okay, so we're gonna pretend these are superhero underwear," Neal said, and helped Rumple get into one.

The little boy smiled.

"Okay Belle, sweetie, lets go you into one too, okay?"

"Kay," she mumbled.

After he had put one on her, he said, "Killian, it's your turn."

"Okay."

Once they were all in the Pull-ups, Neal turned to Emma and said, "Let's give 'em the Tylenol first. An' some chamomile tea with honey. It's what my papa always gave me when I had stomach problems. I bought some boxes of it and some honey."

Emma approached Regina first who took one look at the medicine and shook her head.

"Not taking that," she protested.

"It'll make you feel better. C'mon sweetie...open up."

"Nuh uh."

Neal was having worse luck with Killian. He buried his face in his pillow and refused to turn around.

"I wanna get better!" Belle exclaimed. "Can I have my medicine now, please?"

"All right," Emma said. The little girl eagerly took the medicine.

"Ooh...it tastes like cherries!"

"It does?" Regina asked her.

"Uh-huh."

"Can I have some now?" Regina asked.

"Me too!" Killian piped up.

Rumple took his medicine the easiest. He asked Neal to count to three before he swallowed it, and then drank water afterwards, though he was so congested, he really couldn't taste it.

They gave each child a dose of the Tylenol and would give them the tea in about an hour or so.

Rumple went through a half a box of tissues in almost half-an-hour, coughing and sneezing. He also had a bottle of antibacterial wipes that he used to wipe down his nightstand and sometimes his hands. Because he was so stuffed up, Neal rubbed some cherry Kids Vicks on his chest so he could breathe easier. The Tylenol made him sleepy, so he was the first to fall asleep.

Soon afterwards, Regina drifted off. Then Belle, hugging her Twilight Sparkle. Killian was the last to succumb, and Neal had to sit there and read a page from the Once Upon a Time book to him before he finally closed his eyes, sleeping with Jack clutched in his new hand.

After making sure the kids were all asleep, Neal went down to show Emma how to prepare the chamomile tea, and brewed a pot with some honey in it and kept it warm with a cozy.

They still wanted to give the children the cold medicine, but decided to wait till after they drank the tea to attempt to give it to them, since they might refuse because of their upset tummies.

Three hours later, the kids woke up. Emma and Neal took their temperatures, relived to see that they had gone down from before, but the children were still achy and fretful.

"When can I get outta bed?" complained Regina.

"Yeah, I wanna watch cartoons," Killian moaned. "It's boring in here."

"Could you read me a story, Bae?" Rumple asked, his little nose red and sore from constantly wiping it.

"Yeah, buddy, but let's drink some tea first," Neal persuaded, and handed his father the cup of chamomile.

Rumple sipped some tea, finding the taste pleasant, especially with addition of the honey, which soothed his throat.

"What's it taste like, mate?" Killian asked, eyeing his tea uneasily.

"Good," Rumple replied. "It helps my throat."

Killian tried his. "Huh. It's not that bad."

Belle happily drank her tea while coloring a picture on a little bed tray Emma had brought her, and Regina sipped hers through a straw while watching a Disney youtube video on Neal's phone.

Emma gave them twenty minutes after that before she tried to give them the cold medicine. "Here, sweetie," she said to Belle, who took the cordial, which tasted like oranges, easily.

Regina was more of a challenge, hemming and hawing before finally agreeing to take it if she could hold her nose and swallow it so she didn't have to taste it.

Rumple sighed. "Can you count again, Bae?"

"Yeah." Neal held the spoon and counted slowly to three. "Okay . . . open wide . . ."

Rumple swallowed quickly, then drank the last of his tea to wash it down. "I'm done, dearie!"

"Good job!" Neal praised. He turned to Killian. "Okay, buddy. You're up next."

But the little pirate decided to be Mr. Contrary and when he tasted the medicine he spit it out, crying, "Yuck!"

Orange droplets spattered all over the covers and Neal.

"Killian!"

"Hey, dearie! Don't spit up on Bae!" Rumple scolded.

"I ain't taking that yucky stuff!" wailed Hook, scrunching his face up.

Neal grimaced. "Aww, c'mon, kid. It ain't that bad. You should have tasted some of the nasty medicine I had to take when I was a kid."

The little boy shook his head and started to cry. "It tastes gross!"

"Uh . . . but it'll make you feel better," Neal persuaded. "Like the Tylenol."

"Noooo!"

Neal sighed. "Okay . . . but if you won't take your medicine you'll end up in the hospital," he said, playing his trump card.

"Yeah, an' they'll stick you with needles," Rumple added, recognizing what Neal was trying to do.

Killian looked horrified. "Noo . . . I don't want that either!"

"Then you'd better just take your medicine," Neal coaxed.

"And you won't hafta worry 'bout it, dearie," Rumple sniffled.

"Just hold your nose!" Regina called from her room. "Then ya can't taste anything yucky!"

So Killian did and found out Regina was right.

Once the medicine was in them, Neal got out some tales of wacky pirates and wizards and read to the two boys until they drifted off again. He hoped they could get them to drink and eat something when they woke next.

He had the feeling it was going to be a long week with four sick opinionated toddlers in the house.


	34. Would You Like to Play A Game?

**34**

**Would You Like to Play A Game?**

Neal came up with the idea of using Gold's antique tea cart as a kind of mini nurse's station in the hallway. On it Emma put the pitcher of ice water, which she spelled to keep cold, extra cups, the flu medicine and Tylenol, tissues, antibacterial wipes and the tea pot with the chamomile tea. She also included some towels, Pull-ups and washcloths underneath it.

When the kids woke up again, they seemed to be feeling a bit more alert, and Emma went and made chicken noodle soup and toast. As she was carrying the bowls into the boys' room, Rumple looked up at her with a tissue in one hand and said, "Shouldn't you be wearin' gloves, Emma?"

Emma almost dropped his bowl on the floor. "Gloves? Rumple, this isn't a hospital."

"I know, but—"

"Aww, c'mon, mate, you're bein' ridiculous!" Killian hooted.

Rumple turned and gave him a Dark One death glare. "Just shut up n' lemme finish! It's rude to innerupt!" He looked back at Emma. "—you oughta be wearin' gloves, dearie, so's you don't keep spreading germs all over _and_ so's you don't get sick either," he finished. "Still think I'm dumb?" he queried sharply.

Killian looked ashamed. "No. Sorry."

Rumple could be sharp as his dagger, Emma thought, and what he said did make sense. "You know, kid, sometimes your OCD does come in handy," she mused. "I'll go pick up some gloves later on today." Because Rumple was right. The last thing any of them needed was for her or Neal or even Henry to come down with this virus.

Rumple looked happy.

"Okay, eat your soup and toast," Emma urged. "Your body needs the nutrients." Then she went to check on the girls, whom Neal had given lunch to next door.

Killian was slurping his soup, and spilling some of it as well, because his hand couldn't hold the spoon all that great. Luckily the tray table was a sturdy one.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Don't slurp, it's annoying!" he commented. "Didn't your mama ever teach you any manners?"

"If she did, I forgot 'em," the pirate shrugged. "You're such a fussbudget, Rumple!"

Rumple ignored that, concentrating on eating. He normally liked soup, but his stuffy nose made it difficult to taste anything, and he soon grew bored of eating it and set his spoon down. Then he went to eat his toast, discovered it was too crunchy for his sore throat, and began dipping some in his tea to moisten it.

"Eeeww! What are ya doin'?" Killian cried upon seeing what his friend was up to.

"Eating," Rumple said shortly, then paused as a coughing fit suddenly overtook him.

Killian stared at him. "You're dunking your toast in your tea! Gross!"

"Bite me, Killian!" snapped Rumple. "My throat hurts, dummy! I can't eat it the way it is. Least I don't slurp like a dog."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!" Then a new idea occurred to the dark haired boy. "Hey, where's Gwen?"

"I dunno. I haven't seen her. I hope somebody let her out," Rumple said worriedly. "An' fed her."

"I hope the Butt Muncher don't do nothin' to her while we're sick," Hook said fretfully.

"Yeah, cause we ain't there to keep an eye on her," Rumple sighed. "I wonder if the clubhouse's done yet?"

"Let's see!" Killian declared, shoving his tray table aside so he could scramble off his bed.

Rumple set down his half-eaten toast and just crawled up on top of his pillow, then he slid down his bed, and grabbed his cane. "Okay. C'mon!"

They made it halfway down the hall and almost to the stairs before Neal caught them.

"Whoa! Where do you two think you're going?"

"Uh . . . to the kitchen?" Killian said, giving him a sheepish grin.

Neal cleared his throat. "Nice try. How about telling me the truth? Rumple?"

His father looked up at him and murmured, "We wanted to see if the clubhouse was done yet. And check on Gwen n' make sure the Butt Muncher didn't hurt her."

"Okay, first off, we don't want you out of bed, buddy, cause you're sick. So let's go back in your room," Neal ordered, and herded them back into their bedroom. Then, once they were in bed again, he said, "Second, the clubhouse isn't finished yet, the guys are working on it. Third, Gwen's outside with them and Melanie has said she's made sure Sapphira can't do anything to Gwen. Now, let's try and finish up your lunch, okay?"

He noticed Rumple wasn't eating and asked, "Something wrong, buddy?"

He nodded. "Bae, my throat hurts."

Neal nodded. He figured it would, since Rumple seemed to have gotten the worst of the respiratory ailments of this flu. "Uh . . . okay . . .umm . . . how about you gargle with some baking soda?"

Rumple agreed and Neal had him do that in the bathroom while he cleared away the remains of Rumple's lunch, and got him some more water and another cup of tea.

Meanwhile, Emma was getting the girls their lunch. Regina scowled at her toast. "I like raisin bread."

"Well, we don't have that, so you'll have to make do with this," Emma told her. "I can put jelly on it."

"That's good!" the picky child said.

As Emma summoned the Welch's and spread it on the toast, Belle picked up her spoon and looked at the soup on it. "Emma, why's this stuff called chicken noodle when it don't gots any chicken in it?"

"I don't know," Emma said, for she had always wondered that too. "Maybe I'll ask my mom how to make homemade chicken soup."

"Yeah, then at least it'll have chicken in it," Belle sighed.

Regina happily ate her toast and got jelly all over her pajama top. "Oh, fudge! Emma, I need a new top!"

Just then Belle went to get her cup of tea and spilled it all over. "Uh oh! Emma, I spilled my tea!"

Regina glanced over at her. "Oooh, you're making a mess! Rumple would have a fit!"

Belle frowned. "No, he wouldn't. Not over a accident!" Then she noticed something else. "Emma! My book got wet!"

_Damn, another catastrophe!_ Emma thought wearily as she went to mop up the spill and calm down Belle, who was crying.

That brought Rumple into the girls' room, asking, "Hey what's the matter, Belle?"

"I . . .I spilled my tea on . . .my b-book . . . and now it's . . ._ruined!_"

"My God, ya think somebody died!" Regina rolled her eyes. "Should we have a funeral?"

"Shut up, Miss Bossypants!" Belle shouted.

"Belle, we can fix the book . . ." Emma began.

"I can fix it!" Rumple announced, wanting to make Belle stop crying. He concentrated and waved his hand at the water-stained book _The Fantastic Mr. Fox_ by Roald Dahl.

In a twinkling the book was fixed.

"Yay! Thanks, Rumple!" Belle cheered. Then she screamed, "Rumple!"

Using his magic when he was so sick drained the little boy of energy and made him dizzy and he suddenly fell on the floor.

"Oh my God!" Emma exclaimed. "Rumple, did you fall?"

"Uh . . . no . . .m' just . . .a little dizzy . . ." the small sorcerer said.

"You's shouldn't use magic when you's sick!" Regina scolded, wagging a finger at him.

"I had to!" Rumple objected.

"Regina's right," Emma said, picking up the little boy. "No more magic till you're better, y'hear?"

"Yes, ma'am," Rumple sighed.

"What happened?" Neal asked as he saw Emma come back into the room carrying Rumple.

"He used magic to fix a book Belle spilled tea on and it knocked him on his butt," Emma said shortly. "Now you stay here and rest, Rumplestiltskin."

Killian shook his head. "Mate, that wasn't very smart."

"Ahh, be quiet," Rumple grumbled, then he sneezed again and grabbed for a tissue. "I hate bein' sick!"

"Me too. It sucks!" Killian commiserated.

"I don't know anybody who likes it," Neal mused, fluffling up the boys' pillows.

"There's some people who do," Rumple remarked. "They's called hypochondriacs . . . an' they get sick all the time . . ."

Killian goggled. "Then they must be crazy people!"

"One of my foster mom's was like that," Emma recalled. "She used to take pills for every little ache and pain and every time she had a sniffle she went to bed for a week convinced she was gonna die. I thought it was pretty funny when I was a kid."

"Crazy!" Hook repeated. He looked at Rumple. "Is there a way you can make a spell or somethin' so you don't get sick?"

Rumple coughed and said, "Maybe, but I can't right now . . . an' even sorcerers get sick once in awhile."

_Unless you're cursed to be immortal,_ Neal thought. As the Dark One Rumple never was sick, his cursed body wasn't like normal people's.

Obviously though that wasn't the case any longer, Neal thought, though he did wonder if the magic born healed quicker than regular people.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Over the next four days, Neal and Emma were kept busy tending the sick children, helped out by Snow and Granny, who sent over food for them for dinner and lunch. The kids started getting cranky about staying in bed after day four, when they started to improve slightly. Twice Emma had to scold Killian and Regina for sneaking into Henry's room to watch his TV when they were supposed to be resting. Belle quarreled with Regina about leaving her lamp on and falling asleep reading with the book over her nose. Killian claimed Rumple was driving him nuts with how he was constantly wiping down everything, and made Emma and Neal wear gloves. He even made Henry wear gloves.

"Whaddya think this is—the ER?" grouched the pirate. "Next thing ya know, you're gonna want 'em to wear masks n' scrubs!"

"You want 'em to get sick?" Rumple argued.

"They'd of gotten sick already by now," Hook snorted.

"Nuh-uh," Rumple shook his head. "Wearin' gloves n' using these _prevents_ you from being sick."

"And where'd ya get your degree, Dr. Gold?" sneered Killian. "At the Acme School of Medicine?"

Rumple stuck out his hand, palm towards his friend, and snapped, "Oh, talk to the hand, Jones!"

Killian scowled. "Kiss my butt, Rumplestiltskin!"

"Sorry, not interested."

Just then the sound of hammers and saws were heard through the open window, and both boys quit sniping at each other and ran to the window, which faced the backyard, and saw the men working hard on finishing the clubhouse.

"Cool! I think it's almost done!" said Hook happily.

"Yeah, but we're still sick so we gotta wait to play in it," sighed the former pawnbroker.

"I'm gonna take my medicine really good so's I can get better faster an' go outside!" Killian vowed.

"Me too!" agreed Gold, and the two watched from the window as the dwarves and Neal, Henry, Gepetto, and August all sanded boards for the floor.

Emma and Snow brought them drinks and snacks while they worked.

Regina and Belle also watched from their window, and then Regina grew bored and had Belle play Go Fish and Old Maid with a deck of preschool cards Snow had brought for them.

"I can't wait till we're able to go and play in it!" Belle said excitedly.

"Yup . . . but we need to make a sign . . ._Nevengers Only Allowed_," Regina said. "That way the Butt Muncher stays away . . . cuz it's private property."

Belle nodded. "I can do that. Cuz we don't want her trying to break stuff or nothin'." She went and grabbed a box of crayons on the night stand and began to make a sign.

Belle outlined the letters on her sign in black first, taking extra care with her printing so that everything looked neat. Then she colored them in with red crayons. When she was finished she got another idea. She'd seen on tv that some people had signs up for their pools that had rules on them. She added a few that she remembered.

**1. ****We don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in our pool. **

**2. No food or drinks in the pool **

**3. Clean your feet before you come in and keep out bugs n grass.**

**4. No swearing or you get to taste Ivory**

Rumple looked over her shoulder. "Oh, you're writing rules…can I add some?"

"Yeah…what do you want?"

"People get lots of dirt in their pool. It's gross so we gotta tell them not to. And we don't want animals in it either cause they can break it or get stuff in it because they roll around in grass."

Belle added those to the list. "And you can't swim after you eat cause you get cramps. I saw that on TV once." She made a space for that rule underneath the others. "There…all done."

The sign done, Belle was still looking for something to do. She'd read all the books Emma and Neal purchased for her and they were all getting tired of being cooped up in the room.

"I don't wanna stay in bed anymore," Regina complained.

"Me neither." Killian agreed.

"If we try to go downstairs we'll get in trouble again," Belle reminded them.

"Not if everyone's outside," Rumple said with an impish grin.

"Umm . . . maybe we'd better stay up here, Rumple," Belle said uneasily. She didn't like breaking rules.

"Aren't you tired of being in bed all the time? I am."

"I still don't know..."

"Killian, you be lookout!" Rumple instructed.

"Aye, aye Captain!" Killian crowed, saluted his friend and hopped off the bed.

He crept over to the door and opened it a crack, poking his head out.

"We're gonna get in trouble..." Belle warned.

"Ah, live a little, will ya!" Regina grumbled.

"I'm gonna remind you that you said that when we're all in time out," Belle sniffed.

"I'll take ten minutes in the corner as long as I can get out of this germy room!" Rumple declared.

"Yeah me too . . . it's like bein' in the brig!" Killian said mournfully.

"Or jail," Regina added.

"That's what the brig is," Killian explained. "It's jail on a ship."

"I bet it's as cramped as one of the cells Emma throws bad guys in isn't it?"

"Yup, an' it smells like dirty old cheese and bilge water."

"Gross!" Rumple wrinkled his nose. "Okay . . . coast's clear . . . let's go!"

Despite her misgivings, Belle followed the others. She wanted to be brave and daring for once.

"Hey Rumple, let's play on the Xbox," Killian suggested.

"Kay, dearie. It's in Henry's room."

"He's got some cool stuff on it."

"I don't wanna play Xbox...I'm gonna go downstairs an' watch a move...you comin', Belle?"

Regina didn't know what she wanted to watch, just something different.

"Okay, how's about we watch Alice in Wonderland?" suggested Belle. Watching a movie shouldn't get them in too much trouble.

"Ummm..okay."

The two girls crept downstairs into the living room, while the boys slipped into Henry's room.

Rumple frowned. "This place's a pig sty! Henry needs to clean it up!"

Killian laughed. "Aww don't worry 'bout it, mate. Let's play!"

"Yeah, it ain't MY room!" Rumple sighed, because if it was, it would never look like this one.

Killian turned on the xbox and scrolled through the list of games until he found the one Henry was currently playing. "What's this say, mate?"

"Ummm...Alice Madness Returns."

"Oh, I know that one...it's where Alice in Wonderland goes nuts and kills people!" Killian exclaimed.

"What?" Rumple asked. "Alice doesn't kill people."

"Uh huh...watch."

The little pirate watched Henry play the game a few times and remembered what buttons to push because they showed up on the screen.

Killian loaded the game and saw that Henry was in the middle of a level where he was facing a bunch of ugly looking, giant dolls.

"This looks creepy!"

Killian laughed. "I'm gonna give 'em the pepper grinder!"

Rumple watched, fascinated while Killian started shooting a pepper grinder like it was a machine gun.

"Aww crap, not working...gotta switch to the teapot cannon!"

"The what cannon?"

He pushed another button and started shooting at the dolls with a hot liquid.

"Why aren't they dying yet?" Rumple asked.

"Cause these ones are really hard to kill...Henry gets mad cause he can't pass...uh oh...here comes Bitch Baby!"

"You said a bad word!" Rumple scolded.

"It's what she's called...Henry said so."

There was an even larger ugly doll in the room along with little floating creatures that had doll faces on them.

"This is gonna give me nightmares!" Rumple complained."Maybe we oughta play somethin' else . . ." Rumple said. "Like what 'bout this one?" He picked up a disk that was lying partially covered by another one. "Grand Theft Auto Las Vegas. It's a car game."

"Oohhh, we can steal stuff!" cheered the little pirate. "Put it in!"

Rumple did and they began to play. They were a car thief hijacking expensive automobiles and trying to avoid being picked up by the police while bringing the car to some Mob bosses.

"Go faster Rumple, you're gonna get 'rested!"

"M'trying!" the little pawnbroker said, and revved the engine. A rap song began playing, singing about shooting up people and getting all their money.

"They're like pirates only they dress neater!" Killian exclaimed.

"Mafia always is snappy dressers," Rumple said.

"Hey...y'know we could be like that."

"Like what? Steal things? Or dress nice?"

"Dress nice...if we stole we'd get in trouble. And Ma and Dad would get mad."

"Or if we did steal it would be like Robin Hood..to give to the poor."

"You're slowin' down..you're gonna get caught mate!"

"Yeah, stealing's not good . . 'cept if it's in a game," Rumple answered, and he drove the car into a hidden garage. "Ha! Got it!"

"So where's the boss?"

Rumple frowned. "Here he is." They talked to the boss and got some money and then sent on a new assignment . . .but before that some hookers came up to them.

"Wow...they hardly got any clothes on!"

"Maybe they went swimmin'?" Rumple mused.

"I dunno...now what're they doin?" Killian frowned. "I don't think Henry's supposed to have this game, mate."

"She's takin' off her clothes!" Rumple's eyes widened.

"Whoa!"

Rumple pressed a button . . .and the scene was fast forwarded to the new mission.

"Okay, now what do we havta do?"

"Uh . . . we gotta find this guy name Lucky Louie an' get some money from him . . .and shoot anybody who gets in the way," Rumple said.

"Kinda like a loanshark?"

"Yup. Then we get the car n'stuff."

"Okay, let's get 'em!"

They started shooting all the thugs who came at them . . . and even a plain clothed cop or two was mowed down. They yanked the well dressed man out of the Ferrari and stomped him into the ground before jumping in the car. Sirens blared and police screamed at them to pull over.

"We're not getting' busted..you can buzz off!"

"Hasta la vista . . . dearie!" Rumple crowed as they took a corner going at an insane speed . . . just ahead of the cops, the FBI, and an army truck.

"Yeah! Eat our dust!"

Rumple stepped on the gas and they blew down a side street and more gangsta music began to play.

This song had a lot of swearing in it, but Rumple was too caught up in the game to pay attention to it.

While the boys were shooting and killing cops and listening to songs about f-ing people up, the girls had gone downstairs in the den and spotted Neal's laptop sitting on the coffee table.

Regina looked at the screen and saw that it was open to a game called Elvis and some music was playing.

"What's that?" Belle asked her.

"They're slot machines," Regina explained.

"You mean like in a casino?"

"Uh huh. You spin them and win money. I saw Neal playing em once and I think he wins lotsa money so he doesn't have to use his papa's credit card all the time."

"Who's that guy?" Belle pointed at the pictures of Elvis Presley on the reels.

"That's Elvis...Granny calls him the King but I dunno what he's s'posed to be the king of."

"You know how to play this?"

"Yeah...here..I'll show you."

She instructed Belle to move her finger over the touch pad and hit the spin button. The pictures started spinning around and a line appeared on them with girls screaming.

"What'd I do?"

"You won. I dunno why Neal calls him a cheap bastard cause you got twenty thousand bucks."

"You said a bad word."

"Yeah, so what...spin and get more money."

Belle spun several more times but she wasn't winning anything. Regina took over and raised the bet.

"Awww crap...he IS cheap! I'm betting fifty thou and he's not giving me any money!' Regina complained.

"I like the song." Belle said.

"Yeah Ruby said Granny plays his stuff a lot..puts me to sleep."

But Belle liked the words to the song and thought it fit her and Rumple perfectly.

"But I can't help...falling in love with you..." she sang.

"Oh God. Not you too!" Regina rolled her eyes and closed out of that game. She'd seen Neal playing a few of them and clicked on another game.

It was called California Surfin. The little queen spun the reels, frustrated when she was still losing money.

"You spent a lot of Neal's money. He's gonna be mad," Belle pointed out.

"Lookit...I can replace what I lost here," Regina said pointing at a screen that popped up offering 700,000 coins unaware that she was going to charge his credit card $20.00.

She was also doing a little dance to the music she heard in the game.

"I wanna try," Belle said and started spinning.

She was unaware that Regina had raised the bet to over 100,000 and when her spin stopped she had lines all over her screen and a box pop up with the words megawin on it.

"Holy crap!" Regina exclaimed. "You won two million bucks!"

"Hang on a minute," Neal called to the dwarves and came into the house. "I'm gonna get some more Coke from the fridge." He walked inside and heard the music coming from the game on his laptop. "What the hell? That ought to be asleep by now," he muttered and went into the den . . . and saw Regina and Belle playing with the mouse and jumping up and down screaming, "We won!"

"Oh my God!" he gasped. "What the hell are you two doing out of bed . . . and playing with my computer?!" He was on the verge of having a stroke.

"Lookit Neal...we won two million bucks..we're rich!" Regina exclaimed.

"What?" He came and looked at the screen.

"We did!" Belle insisted.

"Yeah . . . and why are you two playing on my laptop?" he queried angrily. "And charging my credit card?!"

"Ummm...we didn't...did we?" Regina asked

"If you clicked on any popups about buying coins then yes!"

"Uh oh..." Regina muttered."But we won two million...it was only twenty bucks,"she went on.

"The money you won's not like real money, it's money to keep playing the game with," he explained. "But the money you bought the coins with IS real!"

"Now we're gonna get time out," Belle moaned.

"Whose idea was this?" Neal demanded.

"Neal, what's taking you so long?" asked Emma, coming into the house.

"Ummm...mine," Regina said nervously.

"What happened?" Emma asked. "Why're they out of bed?"

"We was bored," Regina complained.

"And I found them playing with my laptop!" Neal cried. "They were playing my casino game!"

Emma almost croaked. "Neal, how many times have I told you to put a password on your computer?"

"I know, Em . . . but I just forgot with all this stuff going on . . ."

"I reminded you months ago," she pointed out.

"We're sorry," Belle apologized, bowing her head in shame.

"You should be!" Emma scolded. "You know not to touch other people's things, miss!"

The two girls walked over to the corner and faced the wall.

"They just cost me $20!" Neal scowled. He hastily typed in apassword on his laptop.

"We're gonna get spanked," Regina said worriedly. "And I don't wanna hear you say I told ya so!"

Belle bit her lip. She knew she couldn't say anything . . . because she had gone along with Regina.

She hoped the boys got back to the room before they got in trouble.

"You know . . . this is partly your fault," Emma hissed at her boyfriend. "I've told you a thousand times not to leave your laptop lying around." She glanced at the two children. "So what else should we do? They didn't know they were charging your credit card."

He sighed, forced to admit she was right.

"I don't think I want to know what the boys have gotten into."

"Oh boy," Emma groaned. "Look, we can have them do extra chores when they get better to pay you back. Now you'd better go upstairs and see where the boys are."

"Okay."

When he reached the top of the stairs he could hear gangsta music coming from Henry's room.

"Yeah...kick his ass, Rumple!" Killian was yelling.

Neal opened the door and nearly had a heart attack at what he was seeing. His toddlers were playing an M rated video game . . . one that he recalled expressly forbidding Henry to ever get.

"You got 'em...oh crap...it's the cops!"

"Just what is going on in here?"

Both boys froze.

"Are you two playing-Grand Theft Auto?" Neal sputtered. "Turn it off! Now!"

Rumple jumped up immediately and pushed the power button on the gaming console.

Neal's head was spinning. First the girls had been caught playing with his laptop and now this! He went to take the game out of the Xbox. "Okay . . .who told you you could come in here and play Henry's Xbox?"

"Ummmm...nobody..." Rumple said fearfully.

"Then what are you doing in here?" he demanded. "And where did you find-_this_?" He shook the Grand Theft Auto game pointedly.

"It was hidden under some stuff," Killian answered. "We were bored and wanted to get out of the room and..."

" . . .so you came in here to amuse yourselves," Neal finished. "Boys, corners, now!"

They both felt terribly guilty because they loved Neal like a father and hated to see him angry at them.

"We're sorry, Bae," Rumple said sadly."You're not gonna kick us out...are you?"

It was what his own father did because he wanted nothing to do with him.

"Kick you out?" Neal repeated. "Good God, of course not! But you are in trouble for touching something that doesn't belong to you." He shook his head disappointedly. _And my other son's in trouble for having this damn piece of trash in_ _his possession!_ He thought angrily.

"We won't do it again!" Killian promised.

"That's right, you won't, because this game-which is NOT one you ought to be playing-isn't going to be here in a few minutes." Neal stressed. "And-you're all banned from the clubhouse and the pool for three days and going to do some chores for me when you're well. I'm very disappointed with all of you." He gave them his Stiltskin Disappointed Look, which always made him wilt when he was boy.

Both of them started sniffling.

"Stay there for six minutes and think about what you've done," he ordered. He set a timer on his watch. "When this beeps, you two go straight back to your rooms and get in bed. You're still sick, you wanna get worse?"

"No..." they whimpered.

When the timer beeped, Neal had them come out from their corners. "Back to bed, you little rascals," he said, and hugged them. "Before you end up going to the hospital and getting shots in your butt to make you well."

"Owwww...no way!" Rumple cried, rubbing his backside while he imagined how painful THAT would be.

"You keep not listening to me, Rumplestiltskin and that's what's gonna happen," Neal told him. "Now go on, imp!" And he gave him a tap on the behind to get him moving. "You too, Mr. Jones." He did the same to Killian.

"M'goin!"

Neal watched as they climbed back in bed, then called to Emma to send the girls up too. Then he said to them, "Now . . .you're all gonna promise me you'll stay in bed until we give you permission to leave. Understand?"

"Yes...Dad," they answered.

Neal fought to keep from grinning as they all addressed him that way . . ."All right, bed-all of you. And remember-you make a deal, you keep it."

"Cause . . . no one breaks deals with you, dearie," Rumple said quietly as he went and lay down in his bed.

"Got that right," Neal said, then he went downstairs to confront his other son about the forbidden game he'd found.

Now that they were back in their beds, all of them felt sleepy, realizing Neal was right. They'd gotten out of bed too soon and worried they would make themselves worse. They were also ashamed of how they'd behaved and vowed to try and be good.

Henry went inside to get himself a drink, and as he opened the fridge to get a Coke, Neal called from the living room. "Henry, c'mere! I need to ask you something."

Henry walked into the den carrying the Coke . . . and dropped it on the floor when he saw both his parents standing there wearing looks of extreme disapproval . . . and his father holding the Grand Theft Auto game in his hand.

"Care to explain how _this_ came to be in your room?" Neal growled.

**A/N: Well, some of you asked when Henry was going to get into trouble . . .and you have your answer. Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing! And who can figure out where I got the title of this chapter from? Hint-it's a quote from an old film.**


	35. Serious Business

35

Serious Business

Henry swallowed sharply and tried to come up with something to say that wouldn't automatically make him look like he'd smuggled the game into the house, which was exactly what he'd done. "Uh . . .I can explain . . ."

"Yeah, I hope so. Sit down," Emma ordered, pointing to the couch.

Henry sat down, wishing he didn't feel like he was at his own execution. Or something like that. "Uh . . . where shall I start?" he asked, trying not to sound like he was being smart. Well, he sort of was.

Neal frowned sharply at him. "Not funny, kid. Start at the beginning. Where did you get this game and why did you have it in your room? Oh, and also, did you know that your three-year-old grandfather and Hook were playing it just now? They were shooting cops and stealing damn Ferraris for the Mafia!"

"Really? How far did they get?" Henry queried.

"Henry!" Emma scowled. "It doesn't matter how far they got! They never should have been exposed to something like this! With all the cursing and the nudity and violence. And speaking of which, _you're_ not old enough to play this game either."

"Mom, I'm twelve!"

"Yeah and M means mature!" Emma shot back. "I'm not an idiot, Henry! And mature means seventeen, mister!"

Henry held up his hands. "Okay, okay! Don't yell."

"She's your mother, she can yell if she wants to," his father interjected. "Now, spill it, kid." He gave him the same Look he used on the toddlers.

And like his younger "siblings", Henry caved. "Umm . . .there was this kid at school . . .Lampwicke . . .he had a lot of stuff he said he was gonna sell on ebay, and one of them was the Grand Theft Auto Game, and it was so cheap . . . only $25, Dad, that I couldn't let it go."

"He made you an offer you couldn't refuse?" Neal asked sarcastically.

"What is this—the Godfather Storybrooke?" muttered Emma.

"Where'd you get the money?" was Neal's next question.

"Uh . . . from helping Grandpa around his shop. He paid me." Henry replied blithely.

"Did he now?" Neal's eyes narrowed.

"Uh . . . yeah, didn't he tell you?"

"No." Neal was a bit suspicious especially now that his father wouldn't even remember telling him something like that. Something didn't add up. Neal knew when he was being snowjobbed. "Besides, my father doesn't pay kids with cash for doing him favors. He would have bought you something himself or treated you to a movie. And he would _never_ buy you a game he knew you weren't supposed to have. I want the truth, Henry Mills...now."

Emma was glaring at him too. "You're lying to us, Henry? Why?"

The boy squirmed like he had fire ants in his pants. "Umm . . .well . . .okay . . .I sort of borrowed it from Regina. I . . . uh . . . told her that I needed it for school," he admitted softly, hanging his head. "I was gonna pay her back, Mom, as soon as Dad raised my allowance. It would have taken like a few weeks but . . ."

"That's not the point. Had she known what it was for, she would have refused you. Instead, you lied to her too." Emma shook her head.

Neal crossed his arms over his chest. "Not only that, but we discussed that game last time I took you to the store and they had it on sale. I told you then that it was never going to come in my house. And you deliberately snuck it in here. How long has it been here anyway?"

"A month, maybe. I got it just before all this stuff happened with Mom and the regression spell."

"And are there any other of these games in your room?" Emma demanded.

Henry shook his head. "No! This is the only one!"

"I'm going to check anyway," Neal said quietly.

Emma looked very upset. "You know, kid, I thought I could trust you . . .and instead I find you went behind my back and your dad's too. Did you think we'd never find out? That you could outsmart us or something?"

"Mom, I'm sorry. But I just wanted . . . to play it, I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, you stole a car."

"And I didn't want you to repeat my mistakes!"

"Or mine either," Neal said heavily. "Henry, what I did after I came here-you think I didn't know it was wrong? I did-my papa never raised me to steal _anything_. But I was desperate and scared and hungry and I stole because it was all I knew how to do to survive. And you know what? I hated it. I'm not proud of that, son. And I could barely look my papa in the eye once he knew the truth."

"And do you know how ashamed I was when everyone here learned of my own past?' Emma asked sadly. "Especially you? I didn't want you to see me as a...jailbird...a thief..."

"I didn't, Mom! I thought you were cool!" Henry objected.

Emma smiled sadly. "Cool moms don't end up in jail with rap sheets, kid. Or have to give up their kids for adoption. Once you start down that road, Henry, it's not always easy to find your way back."

"Your mom's right," Neal nodded solemnly. "And it starts with something small . . . like lying to buy a game your dad wouldn't let you have. And d'you know why I wouldn't let you have it? Because it has things in there that should never be joked around with . . . even as a game. I knew people like that, kid. And they weren't fun or cool-they were cold hard killers who'd murder you for looking at them wrong. And I didn't want you to be influenced by that kind of thing. I wanted to raise you right-like my papa did me." Neal gestured. "You see all this? Your grandpa didn't get this by cheating people-even as the Dark One he never did that. He got it by working, Henry. Working hard. And he didn't have to. He could have stayed home and just done nothing. Regina's curse set him up for life. But that's not in him. Even cursed, it's not in him to be lazy. And THIS is what you get by working hard."

"Also, you have to keep in mind now that you are now the older brother to Regina, Rumple, Belle and Killian and should be setting a positive example for them." she lectured. "But going behind our backs, and lying is not setting one."

Henry looked ashamed. "I know. And at first . . . I thought it was worth it. But now . . . I can see that it wasn't."

"It never is in the end, kid." The sheriff sighed. "It's not just magic that comes with a price. So do the choices we make in life."

"And one way or another, you'll pay for them," his dad said. "Which brings us to your punishment. First off, the game is mine."

"What are you gonna do with it?"

"I'm going to put it where it belongs-the trash." Neal replied.

"You didn't honestly expect us to keep here, did you?" his mother interjected.

"No, but-you're gonna throw it out?"

"Yes. It's not worth anything to me and I won't be selling it so some other kid can buy it." Neal said shortly.

"And to be certain no one else can fish it out of the trash and play it, I will be breaking that disc."

"Mom! You're like the Gestappo!"

"Like I said, kid, I know the score."

Neal chuckled lightly at Henry's shocked expression. "Kid, we're not stupid. We've been there and done that. A hundred times."

"And our parents would have done the same thing."

"Yeah, that's for sure," Neal said. "My father would have torn strips off me. I'd have been grounded and had my butt walloped. Because nobody breaks their word to Rumplestiltskin. Not even his son."

"Now once we're done here, we're going into that room and you will hand over every game that you have that you shouldn't."

"Mo-om!"

"Don't Mom me or we take the Xbox along with it!"

"Maybe we ought to do that anyhow, Em," Neal mused. "As a condition of the week long grounding you're going to get. Along with a nice long list of chore that need to be done around here."

"This is a serious matter, Henry, and you're going to realize just how serious."

"We're not kidding around here," Neal said shortly. "So . . .no Xbox and you're grounded for a week. That means-you go to school, come home, do your homework, and your chores for that day and you go to bed at 9:30. No friends over, no talking on your phone, in fact you're handing that over too, and no computer."

Henry gaped at him. "You gotta be kidding! It's like I'm in jail!"

"Being in jail would mean you have nothing but a sink, a toilet and the worst food possible. And a bed hard as rock." Emma told him sternly.

"Umm . . .okay . . . but . . ."

"You forget kid, your father and I both know what a real jail is like so don't even go there."

"I said I was sorry!" Henry said with a tone in his voice.

"Watch the attitude, mister!" Neal warned. "You remember-you're not too old for a trip over my knee!"

"C'mon, Dad! Like Grandpa ever spanked you! Seriously?"

Emma shook her head. That was the wrong thing to say and she knew it would make Neal angrier. "Henry...enough."

Neal's eyes flashed. He looked away briefly, counting to ten. But he was very tempted to haul his son over his knee. Finally, he looked back and said, "Henry, my papa was no pushover . . .trust me on that. And he spanked me whenever he felt I needed to learn a lesson and couldn't any other way. And I'll do the same to you if I have to. So don't push it."

The boy stared at his father. "You really would, wouldn't you?" He looked at Emma, trying to get sympathy. "Mom-you'd let him?"

"Yes I would, because you deserve it for disrespect." Emma replied. She was not a big fan of corporal punishment, because it could be abused too easily, but she trusted Neal would never do that. "Had I talked to some of my foster parents or my real parents the way kids do these days, my butt would be sore for a week!"

His eyes widened. "I'm sorry! You're not gonna . . .please?" He gave them his best set of puppy eyes.

"Then mind your mouth, and take your punishment."

Neal nodded. "This once-I'll let it go. But you pull anything like this again-or take that tone with me or your mom over a fair punishment, and I promise you'll be getting a sore butt along with anything else we decided on. Understood?"

"Yes, Dad." He hung his head.

"Good. Now, let's go upstairs and examine your games and I'll take your system."

"This sucks!"

"What was that?" Emma asked sharply.

"Nothing, Mom," he said quickly.

"Wasn't it? Did I not hear you say this sucks?"

"Um . . . yeah . . .because it does. But I'm not saying I don't deserve it." Her son explained.

"There's no sense complaining about it then because we won't change our minds."

"And part of proving you've learned your lesson is taking your punishment gracefully. Or, like my papa used to say-without complaining, whining, or pouting. Or else you'd get more."

"And when you have kids of your own, you'll look back on this and realize why we chose to punish you as we have." Emma said sincerely.

Henry nodded. Then he rose to go upstairs. Neal took the game and snapped it into pieces and threw them into the trash. Then he and Emma followed their son upstairs.

There were at least three other games that gave them cause for concern. One was a violent version of Alice in Wonderland called Alice: Madness Returns and there were two Call of Duty Games

"We're going to keep these until you're a bit older, like sixteen," Emma told him. "The rest are okay. But these, you don't need to play them right now."

"Okay," Henry agreed. He had been frustrated with them anyhow and not able to beat any of the hard levels. He doubted he would really miss them.

Emma was worried. Their son was too young to be playing first person shooter games and if he was playing them, that meant other kids in his school were. And children their age were committing unspeakable acts of violence these days.

_That's why we have to be so attentive to what they're doing_, she thought. _The moment we aren't..._

It wasn't that she thought Henry was capable of it...but someone else...

She thought it might be a good idea to have a school board meeting, where they discussed the incidences of violence among young people and how it was necessary to perhaps hold a seminar for the kids on how certain games had a negative effect on you and you had to think about what the game was telling you and not allow yourself to be swayed by it. And the parents needed to be made aware of what their kids were playing or watching on TV.

All of these people came from a world where these things didn't exist yet they could not pretend everything they had in this new world of theirs was completely safe.

They needed to be made aware of the dangers, because even in Storybrooke, things could happen, and not just from crazed megalomaniac magicians or psycho magic-hating people either.

She left Henry's room and walked down the hall, opening the door to their other childrens' room, all of them fast asleep in their beds.

_They're all my babies...and I won't let anyone hurt them._

If it came down to it, she would lay down her life for every single one of their children to protect them, whether she bore them or not...because the two of them who had been parents before her would have done the same.

Neal came over to her and put his arm around her after putting the Xbox and the games in a box in his closet in their bedroom. "Hey. I hope I did the right thing," he whispered in her ear. "I don't want to be a hardass but I don't want him to end up doing what we did either."

"It's not just that, Neal. Those games...they give kids the wrong ideas and...all over the news we hear about...if anything happened to ANY of our children..." she trailed off, choking up. "Not everything dangerous in this town is from magic or magical creatures."

"I know it's not," he replied. "In fact, we're two of the handful of people who can even recognize those dangers . . .and do something about them. And all we can do is try our best to protect our kids as best we can." Neal rubbed his eyes. "Now I understand why Papa was the way he was, even cursed. He just wanted to protect me. The curse made him go about it the wrong way, but that was what he was doing."

"I want to ask for a school board meeting or even a town meeting to discuss this Neal. The parents in this town need to be aware of what our children are doing."

"I agree. We should contact your parents and the board. Storybrooke might be cut off right now from the real world, but like it or not, we live here now and we're all part of this world, so we need to be made aware of the good and bad things in it. We can't afford to bury our heads in the sand anymore. Otherwise the price might be too high."

"I'll call them."

They heard a groan from one of the beds and Belle was sitting up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Neal asked gently. His voice could go extremely soft when he wanted to.

"M'hungry n thirsty..." she murmured.

"Okay, why don't I get you some water and would you like soup or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" he asked, feeling her forehead.

"Still too hot." She whined. "Can I have some soup, please?'

"Yeah, Granny made us a big pot of beef barley," Emma said. "Neal, here's some Tylenol." She gave him the bottle with a plastic spoon.

"Is that the cherry stuff?' the little girl inquired.

"Yeah, kiddo. It is," Neal chuckled. "Okay . . . open wide."

"I really like this stuff," Belle said, happily obeying. "Can you read me a story?"

"Sure I can." He picked up one of the kids' favorites, Green Eggs and Ham, and began to read quietly, "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am, I will not eat them here or there, I will not eat them anywhere . . ."

"You do voices!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands.

The noise woke Rumple and he looked over. "Whasa matter, Belle?"

"Neal's reading me a story and he does voices!"

He smirked. "I try. But I can't do 'em as good as my papa."

Soon the others were awake, all of them listening attentively.

Neal continued. " . . .not in a car, not in a tree, not on a train-you let me be!"

Emma paused in the doorway with the bowl of soup in her hands, smiling at her boyfriend reading. _Damn, I forgot my phone!_

"When I get big, I'm gonna tell my kids stories with voices just like you an' your papa, Bae," Rumple said softly.

Neal coughed. "Yeah, I just bet you will, buddy."

"I like stories with voices, makes 'em sound more exciting," Killian agreed.

"So do I. And when I was little, nobody could tell a story like my papa," Neal smiled reminiscently.

Emma handed out bowls of beef barley to each of the children, figuring they were all hungry after their naps. _Oh yeah...Neal is becoming just like his father...and Rumple should be proud._

The four children looked at each other and smiled, all thinking the same thing. They needed to get better so they could go to the Enchanted Forest, break Rumple's curse and find Neal's papa.

"You miss him reading stories to you, Bae?" Rumple inquired.

"Yeah, I miss him," Neal admitted wistfully. _Even though you're right here, Papa. I miss being able to go to you for advice. Still, I'm trying to do what you taught me . . .and I hope you'll be proud of me._

"Are you gonna read us a story like this all the time?"

"Uh . . . yeah, if you'd like me to," he said, surprised.

They all cheered.

Neal beamed. "Okay. I guess it's unanimous!" He picked up the book again and read to the end of it. "You know, they have a restaurant called Green Eggs and Ham in Orlando, Florida. It's in Universal Islands of Adventure in Dr. Seuss Land."

"Oooo, can we go? Huh? Can we?"

"Uh . . we'll see. But first . . . we have to go and find Merlin," Neal laughed. "Then we'll see about Disney and Universal."

"I'd like to go to Disney, Dad," Henry said from the doorway. "I think it'd be cool." _Even if we take these guys as little kids, he thought._"And what's this about Merlin?"

"We have to find him, Henry. So's he can remove my curse," Rumple explained. "But we need Melanie to open a portal with her wand, so we can go to the Enchanted Forest and find him."

"We're goin' on a wizard quest?" Henry looked excited. "All of us?"

"Yeah, all of us," Neal said.

"Whoa!"

"So when are we going?"

"When Melanie finds her wand. And when we settle everything here," Emma informed him. "So, not for awhile yet. First we have to have the kids get better . . . and I need to have a town meeting, and we need to finish the clubhouse."

Just then they heard Leroy's voice downstairs. "Hey, Emma! Ya wanna come see this? The floor's done!"

"Yay!"

The kids wanted to see but they had been forbidden to go in the house for three days as their punishment.

"Guess I'd better go down there and take a look," she said. Then she looked at Neal. "Coming, Cassidy?"

"Right behind you, darlin'," he drawled.

"Take pictures..please!" Belle begged. "We wanna see!"

"Can I come see?" asked Henry.

Neal considered. "I need you to stay here, kid. Watch these rugrats for us. You can come and see it later."

Henry was a bit disappointed but he quickly agreed to what his dad wanted. "Uh . . . here's my phone," he handed it to his father. "It takes better pictures than yours," he said, not wanting the kids to know the real reason he was giving it to his father.

Neal winked at him. "Thanks," then he stuck the phone in his pocket and went downstairs.

"Ummm...Henry...did we get you in trouble?" Rumple asked diffidently.

"Huh?" The older boy blinked at him. "For what?"

"Cause we were playing that game where we beat up Lucky Louie and took his money."

"An some cars," Killian added.

Henry winced. "Grand Theft Auto, yeah. And . . . err . . . you shouldn't have played that . . . and I shouldn't have had that game in the first place."

"Cause there's bad stuff in it?"

"Yeah. Like shooting people and stealing things and . . . err . . . naked women . . ." Henry said, blushing. "Oh, and bad language too."

"Yeah, they said the f word a lot." Rumple recalled.

"Umm . . . yeah they did . . .and I'm sorry you had to listen to that. Mom and Dad weren't too happy with me when they found out."

"Huh? You was playing a game where you stole cars and beat people up?" Regina asked curiously.

"Rumple! You was looking at naked girls?!" Belle said angrily.

"I was not!" he objected. "I fast forwarded that part with those hooker girls!"

"You're in the doghouse now, mate," Killian said to his friend.

"Liar liar pants on fire!" sang Belle.

"Killian, didn't we do that?" Rumple asked his friend. "All we saw was these girls with almost no clothes on."

"Yeah we did."

Henry was fire engine red now, imagining what his toddler grandpa and friend had seen.

"What's a hooker?" Regina asked.

"So why didn't ya quit playing when you saw the naked girls?" Belle demanded.

Henry wanted to die.

"A hooker's a girl who has sex with a guy for money," Killian answered. "All the guys on papa's ship went to 'em."

Henry's mouth fell open. "Oh . . . my . . .God! You _know _about them?"

"Umm...yeah..my papa even used to go to one. Made my mama real mad."

"Uh . . . yeah . . . I guess it would," Henry agreed, thinking-_hell, he_ _knows more stuff at three than I do and I'm twelve! And that's really sad. He's a little kid, he shouldn't know about stuff like that._ Then it hit him, why Emma and Neal didn't like those games . . .and why he never should have disobeyed his father in the first place.

"Oh really, dearie?" Rumple was saying to Belle. "And what were you doing on Bae's laptop huh? Looking at guys?'

"No we was gambling!" Regina bragged.

"And we saw the King-Elvis!" Belle said dreamily. "He had the most beautiful _voice_!"

"And I won two million bucks so there!" she added.

"For real?" Killian's eyes were the size of saucers.

"Yeah. But Neal was real mad 'cause we used his credit card and got coins."

"Belle and I thought we was playing with real money."

"Oh brother!" Henry hit himself in the forehead. "Looks like he's mad at all of us then. Me cause I had a game I shouldn't have and I . . . err . . . lied to him, and you guys for playing stuff you shouldn't have."

"Didya get chores to do too?" asked Belle knowingly.

Henry nodded. "Yup. Lots of 'em and I'm grounded for a week and he broke the game to bits and threw it out. And I'm lucky he didn't . . . err . . ." he trailed off, not wanting to admit what else Neal had threatened him with.

"Spank ya?" Killian asked.

"How'd you know?" his brother asked.

"Cause he had to do it to me before and he doesn't like it."

Henry blinked. "He tell you that?"

"Uh huh. And he said it hurts him more to do it than for you to get it."

"Cause that's what his papa said," Rumple added

"You-I mean-he did?" Henry stammered. "Then his dad really did spank him?"

"Uh huh."

"Whoa," the older boy murmured. It wasn't that he thought Neal was lying, but maybe . . . exaggerating a bit. But looking at Rumple and Killian, he knew he'd been mistaken.

"Can we tell you a secret Henry?" Regina asked.

Regina was tugging on Henry's sleeve. "Yeah, what is it, minx?"

"Umm when we go back to the 'Chanted Forest, we want to find Neal's papa cause he really misses him."

"And we wanna see what he's really like, he sounds so cool!" Killian exclaimed.

"You promise not to tell? We wanna surprise him." Regina demanded.

Henry wanted to crack up. Little did they know that Neal's 'cool papa' was right there among them! "Okay . . . I won't tell. Cross my heart!"

"Hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?" Regina recited.

"Gross!" Belle moaned.

"Yeah," Henry agreed. "And that's why you never break a promise you swear that way."

"I don't want a needle in my eye. Ewwww!" Belle scrunched up her nose.

"Then don't break a promise like that, dearie!" Rumple said. "An' actually you shouldn't ever break any promise if you can help it."

"So are you gonna help us out?" Regina asked Henry. "You are an honorary Nevenger."

"Yeah . . .I will," he agreed, wondering how on earth they were going to find Rumple when he was already there.

"Henry, don't get anymore games with naked girls in 'em!" Belle scolded.

"Well you can just quit talking about this guy named Elvis!" Rumple huffed.

"I won't," Henry promised, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, well least he didn't take his clothes off!"

"I didn't look!"

"When we get big, if I catch you looking at naked girls, Mr. Gold, I'm gonna divorce you and take all your stuff!" Belle threatened.

Regina fell back on her bed laughing hysterically.

Henry almost asphyxiated from laughter.

"Oh yeah, well if I catch you looking at this king guy, I'll divorce you!" Rumple declared. "B'fore you can take me to the cleaners."

"Man, this is like watching Oprah!" Killian hooted.

Belle blew a raspberry at him. "You're gonna be a hooker when you get big cause you flirt with all the girls."

Now Rumple was doubled over laughing.

Regina spit out the water she was drinking."They have hookers that are men?"

"Come on...no way!" Killian insisted.

"Uh, guys?" Henry said after a few moments. "Just A Gigolo" was running through his brain. "First of all, we're not gonna get into hookers . . .girls OR guy ones," he coughed. "And second, Elvis is dead, Rumple, so he's nothing to worry about. And Belle . . .those naked girls . . . were fake-CGI's so no worries there either!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, dearie. I'm not my papa!" Rumple said indignantly.

"Yeah, Elvis died way before I was born, he was a famous singer called the King of Rock n' Roll."

"If Elvis is dead, why do people say he left the building?" Regina asked.

"Uh . . . cuz a lot of his fans . . . want to believe he's still alive. It's kinda weird . . ."

"You mean like they're nuts?"

"Sort of. They made his house-Graceland, into a museum now, with all his stuff inside," Henry said.

"You still said Elvis has a beautiful voice. You think I sound like crap?" Rumple asked his little girlfriend.

"Noooo...I just like how he sings."

"What's he sing?"

"Yucky love stuff," Regina grumbled.

"Ick," Killian grimaced. "No wonder she likes 'im."

"This song's one I really like," Belle said and started singing Can't Help Falling In Love to Rumple while Killian and Regina felt like vomiting.

"Henry...gimme a bucket. I'm gonna puke!" Regina complained.

Henry wondered if Grace would like that song and hummed dreamily while thinking of how much he liked the way her hair looked in the sunshine.

"Yo! Wake up!" Regina yelled, shaking his shoulder.

"Oh God, now he's getting all mushy," Killian buried his head under his pillow.

"Huh?" he blinked. "Thought you was . . . someone else . . ." he gave her a rather goofy grin.

"Twitterpated!" Regina rolled her eyes.

"I'll come out when it's over..." Killian mumbled from beneath his pillow.

"Then 'spect to be there a long time cause this mush stuff is catchin."

"Don't _you_ start!" he warned. "Else I'm gonna throw myself under a bus!"

"Love stinks," Regina declared.

"Love stinks...yeah, yeah...love stinks," Killian sang.

"Yup! Now those guys knew what they was talkin' bout!" Regina stated.

Rumple barely heard them. He was enjoying listening to Belle singing to him.

"You have the most beautiful voice!" he said, making eyes at her.

Regina made retching noises.

"I'm gonna sing to you lots when we get big." Belle promised, smiling back.

"And you're gonna marry him. WE KNOW!" Regina shouted.

"Oh, be quiet, dearie!" Rumple ordered. "Don't be a pill."

Killian sang Love Stinks even louder and Regina joined in.

Belle rolled her eyes. "And we'll be together . . .forever n' ever."

Rumple grinned. Then he clinked his tea cup against Belle's. "Here's to us!"

"An' to true love!"

"Sealed with a kiss!" Rumple said, and then he leaned over and kissed her, very gently.

"Mate, get a room!"

"And make sure we ain't in it!" Regina groaned. "Please!"

"You're not gonna be in it!" Belle informed her. "So buzz off!"

"Make me!" the little queen challenged.

"Hey! No fighting!" Henry said. "You don't want Dad to come up here do ya?"

"No!" they all cried.

"Didn't think so," Henry said. "Cause I'd really rather not get my butt warmed. And if he catches you guys fighting . . . that's what's gonna happen. So cool it!"

"Okay."

"Now let's just sit here and wait for them to come back and show us pictures of the clubhouse."

They could hardly wait.

**A/N: Hope you all liked the Rumbelle fluff at the end! **


	36. You Can't Win 'Em All

**36**

**You Can't Win 'Em All**

The town meeting was set for six PM that evening. Before that, after showing her todldlers pictures of the nearly finished clubhouse, Emma spent the time in Rumple's study on her laptop, going through as many articles as she could find on video game violence and the effects it had on children. She had Archie on the speakerphone while she read some of them, discussing some of the major points she would make.

"Children becoming desensitized and showing a lack of empathy when learning of incidents of violence is one of the major issues we're finding," he said. "True, we have had incidents of extreme violence in this world's history before the invention of the video game, however, they have become more frequent and the victims are not from one specific group."

"All the studies I've found here have some other thing that was done to refute their claims. Now I'm not trying to say all kids will turn out like this…but there are those who can."

"Correct., which is why we must take more active roles in their lives, like you and Neal are doing, even with the ones under the regression spell. Have you spoken to the boys since the incident?"

"Yes. I think they've learned their lesson but to be sure, Neal and I made sure all the games Henry had were taken out of his room and right now he's putting some passwords on his laptop and the satellite box so they can't watch any program above G unless we're there."

"That should help."

Emma jotted down the points she wanted to make on index cards, highlighting the most important ones and numbering the cards so that she could flip through them while she was speaking. It reminded her a bit of the speeches she had to give when she was in school only this speech wasn't to make a grade…it was to make a difference.

Emma finished the last of her notes, tied them together with a rubber band and handed them to Neal to look over while she got dressed.

He perused them carefully and flipped one of the cards over to add a few things of his own, points he felt his father would make if he were the one delivering the speech.

"Henry, we're going to need you to watch the kids tonight," he said to his son.

"What all do I need to do for them since they're still sick?"

"Make sure to give them their dose of Tylenol...keep checking them to see if their temperatures go up...use the ear thermometer. And make sure they drink plenty of water. Most of the time if something's wrong, they'll tell you."

"Okay."

"I'm not sure how long this meeting's going to last but we'll be home as soon as we can."

"I can handle it, Dad."

They were sick but also easily bored and got into everything as he'd discovered today. He was like that when he was their age and probably drove Regina up a wall.

Right then they were napping, but he was prepared to entertain them with some board games, like Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders. And a few movies as well, like Aladdin and The Lion King.

Every seat in the town hall was filled and there were others standing when Emma and Neal arrived. Several people approached her to thank her for calling attention to a very serious issue.

Her parents sat in the first row of seats nearest the lectern. Snow winked at her and David smiled encouragement. Next to them were Archie, Ruby, and Granny.

She took a deep breath, counted to ten and began.

"First of all...I'd like to thank everyone for coming tonight. I realize we all have busy lives but I feel this issue must be addressed immediately as it affects all of us, especially our children."

"I agree with that," Jefferson said. "I have a daughter and some of the games she tells me some kids at school are playing concerns me greatly."

"Unfortunately, Jeff, it's not just the games we need to be concerned with."

"What else are we talking about here, Emma?" the portal jumper queried.

"Television...movies and the internet as well," she replied.

"Okay, lay it out for us," he invited.

"Let's start with the games...you've probably heard what some of them are but today I am going to focus on one as an example...Grand Theft Auto."

She looked down at her notecards. "This game, if you are not familiar with it is considered a first person shooter game. Basically you act as a member of the Mafia, stealing cars, killing and assaulting people. This game is intended for adults but my eldest son obtained a copy from another boy in his school."

Worried murmurs went around the hall at that statement. Jefferson and Snow shook their heads.

And today.." she sighed again. "Neal and I caught Killian and Rumple playing it. Most of you know now that Neal's father, Captain Hook, Regina and Belle are still under a regression spell as three year olds. I was horrified. "They were exposed to so much in the short time they were playing the game...murder..prostitution...and music with inappropriate lyrics. Were this any other children than two regressed adults, what would the impact have been?"

"Did they know what they were seeing?" asked Sneezy.

"Yes. Both of them were exposed to some of these things when they actually were children."

"How awful!" Snow said feelingly. "They're babies!"

"Yes...they are to me...they're MY babies...and that is why I am taking such a firm stand on this."

"And what do you propose we do about it?" Jeff asked.

"We all have to be more attentive to what our children are exposed to.

"I've already confiscated the games my son had and destroyed them. I have also put a password on our satellite box so the children cannot watch anything above a G rating without one of us present.

"We've password protected our computers and all of the movies we watch are now in our room under lock and key." Emma shuffled through her notes and continued. "I know...this is not going to be easy for any of you to do but I've been doing some reading on how these things affect children and I don't want it to happen to mine. And it seems that every day there is another news story about another child committing horrible acts of violence..."

"The dangers in this town...do not just come from magical creatures...or magic..."

"They come from everyday things your kids are exposed to-things you might not even think about because we don't come from a realm where such things are commonplace." Neal interjected. "We all know to teach our kids not to play with fire, or swords and daggers, bows, or any kind of magical item, but how about what they look at on the Internet?" He gazed out at all the familiar faces.

"Most of your kids probably know more about surfing the Web than you do, for all of your pre-implanted knowledge," he said. "And while you might recognize a gun as a weapon and know to teach your kid not to touch it, would you also recognize a game like the one Emma just told you about as a threat also?"

Probably not if we didn't have all the facts before us," Michael Tillman admitted. "But now that we do, we can take action if we discover it in our childrens' possession."

"Those of you who have shops in the area with games and other media items with adult themes in stock have to be responsible also. Know who you are selling to. Check for ID if you have to. I know...this sounds like a cigarette or alcohol sale but if you walk into a store in any other part of the country, you will see this being done." She hooked up her laptop to the projector and placed a series of images on the screen. "Video games and music CDs now come with labels warning parents of content that is not suitable for children. Movies and television show discs should have the rating information posted on the wrapper before it is opened. After that...you have to look."

"These...video games...and other items you speak of Emma, what effects do they have on children?" Melanie asked.

"There is an ongoing debate about that, "Archie answered. "But the most common belief is that prolonged exposure to violent content can desensitize a child to it when it occurs in reality. Meaning when they see it in real life, they lack empathy for the victims of acts of violence."

"How horrible!" Melanie exclaimed.

"Though there has been violence in this world for centuries, we are exposed to it now far more than we ever have been before through the technolgy it has to offer," Emma added.

"Why is this world so dependent on such technology if it so harmful?" she asked.

"There are some good things in it Melanie, and you will learn that the longer you live here."

"Our kids are not going to be happy with us policing them," another parent spoke up.

"Would you rather police them and keep them safe or let them get into anything and wait to see what happens?" Snow demanded angrily. This particular parent was one she knew well and showed little interest in his son's life, never attending parent-teacher conferences, and a few times his son was caught with an absence excuse he'd forged...poorly.

"We can't keep our heads in the sand anymore, guys. That's the bottom line," Neal said firmly, dozens of adults nodding their heads in agreement.

"I'm not surprised it was your father who started all this," the man grumbled. "Or that his grandson even had a game like that given who he is...kid or not."

Neal's hands clenched into fists as he fought to control his temper. "My father's past has nothing to do with this," he hissed. "He's a child who has no memory of that time in his life right now but when he does come back do you think he's proud of it? No! And neither is Killian. Or Regina! And Emma and I will not tolerate ANYONE badmouthing OUR children. DO YOU ALL UNDERSTAND ME?! I'll take that silence as a yes." For a moment he thought he sounded just like his father. Though Rumple had been known in his village as a coward, he never allowed anyone to put his son down without putting his foot down.

"We're not forcing anyone to do this but we would appreciate your cooperation," Emma informed the audience. "If we all are consistent with how we handle this issue, then we can make our town a much safer place for ourselves but most importantly for our children because they are the ones who mean the most to us."

Everyone began applauding.

The young sheriff was moved to tears. "Thank you...years ago I believed in my heart that I could never be a mother. But now that I have my Henry back in my life and through a little accident with the magic I am still learning, I have been given the opportunity to raise four more wonderful children, possibly to adulthood...and like any parent...I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe...as would those of you who have your own children. I understand now what you go through every day. It's not always easy...but I don't think any of us would trade a single moment of the time we spend with them for anything."

The applause grew louder as she stepped down. Snow and David threw their arms around her.

"We are so proud of you," Snow sobbed.

"Thanks...Mom..." Emma murmured. "You know . . . that's the first time I've ever heard you say that. I always thought . . . I failed you because of . . . my past and all . . ."

"No. We never thought that about you," David said. "In fact, I always blamed myself for what happened to you. But now that we're together . . . you can come to us for advice or . . . or . . ."

"Anything you need," Snow finished. "It's what family's for." She bit her lip. "And I don't mean just you, Emma. I mean Neal, Rumple, Belle, and Regina too. Heck, even Killian's family now since he's been regressed. And it's time we acknowledged that fact."

Then she went and hugged Neal too, saying, "If your father were here, he'd be very proud of you, Neal."

"You think so?"

"I know so," Snow smiled.

Neal smiled back. Family was the most important thing. It was the point his father made both in his childhood and now.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Now that he no longer had his Xbox, Henry was bored while he waited for the kids to wake up. While he was reading a book, his bedroom door opened and Regina walked in, an expression he knew well from her adult life well on her face.

It was the 'Don't Talk To Me Until I've Had My Coffee' face. He rarely saw it during the week since she was always awake before he was. On the weekends when she slept in, he would turn on the coffee pot so that it was ready for her when she finally did get out bed.

"Hey Regina," he greeted. She hopped onto the bed beside him. "You okay?"

"Tired of being in bed," she grumbled. "N'bored."

"Yeah, me too. Wanna watch a movie?"

"Kay."

He put in Snow White, knowing it was her favorite. It seemed to keep her amused.

Killian, Belle and Rumple woke up an hour later and joined them in the room but they didn't want to watch a movie. They wanted to play some of the games Henry had sitting out. He taught them how to play Chutes and Ladders first.

That was a fun game, but soon Belle and Rumple grew bored and wanted to play Candy Land.

"Not yet," Regina said. "I wanna play too and I'm still watching Snow White."

"How many times do ya gotta watch it?" Killian snorted.

"As many times as I want," she shot back.

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes.

Since he couldn't play Chutes and Ladders by himself, Killian decided he should do something else. He recalled something he'd seen on TV about an eating contest, and he looked at Henry and said, "Hey, Henry. What's grosser than gross?"

Henry grinned. "Is this a joke?"

"Sorta. Do ya know?"

"Um . . .no," the older boy said, because he wanted to hear what the little schemer had to say.

"A sandwich made with crappy condiments," Killian crowed. "And I dare ya to eat it and not throw up!"

"Gross!" Belle made a face. "I'm not eating anything like that."

"Me either, dearie. Just thinking 'bout it makes me want to barf," Rumple declared, wrinkling his nose fastidiously.

"Oh, I wasn't gonna have you two eat it," Killian smirked. "I want to see if Henry can . . . cause he's supposed to be the big brave older brother." He gave Henry a challenging stare. "Well? Think you're up for it?"

"You want to challenge me to eat a gross sandwich?" Henry clarified.

"Uh huh," Killian nodded. "Here's how it works. I get a piece of bread and put all the condiments from the fridge on it and roll it up . . . and _eat_ it. An' I have to chew and swallow at least two bites. No spitting it out or throwin' it up."

"And you think I can't do it?" Henry laughed.

"I dunno. Can ya?"

"Let's find out."

"Ewww! Henry, that's 'sgusting!" Regina cried, having come into the kitchen where the others were and heard the last bit of his conversation with Hook.

"Yeah, tell me about it!" Belle said. "Nasty!"

"And if you puke, I ain't cleaning it up!" Rumple stated. "No way Jose'!"

"Oh, cool it, Rumple!" Killian said. "Just watch me! I'm gonna make Henry toss his cookies!"

"You wish!" Henry snorted. He went to get the condiments from the fridge while Killian got the pieces of bread from the bread box.

Killian got out two pieces of sliced white bread and put them on the counter. "Now . . . put on the condiments."

Henry squirted mustard, ketchup, mayo, relish, butter, hot sauce, barbeque sauce, and tarter sauce on the bread.

"EEWWW!" screamed Regina. "I'm gonna throw up just _lookin'_ at it!"

"Then don't, dearie," advised Rumple. "Cause I ain't cleaning up _your_ mess either!"

"Ready?" Hook cried. "Roll 'em!"

Henry rolled up the slices of bread. Then he handed one to Killian and took the other one. "Okay . . . on three . . . count for us, Rumple!"

Rumple did. "One . . . two . . . three! Go!"

Henry looked at his sandwich dubiously.

But Killian chomped down on it right away.

Then he made a face.

"Swallow it, dearie!" Rumple encouraged.

"Rumplestiltskin! That's so . . . " Belle began.

"'SGUSTING!" Regina yelled.

Henry bit off a piece of his and swallowed. Then he coughed. "Ugh! Too much hot sauce!"

"Blech!" Now Rumple looked grossed out.

"Turds!" muttered Hook and he took another bite, chewed once and swallowed. "That's two! And I ain't puked yet."

"Hallelujah!" Belle grimaced.

"Ya want a medal or a monument?" Rumple asked.

Henry tried valiantly to take another bite, but his mouth was on fire and he couldn't swallow. "Water!" he gasped.

Regina went and handed him a cup of water. "See? You shoulda never done this. Now lookit you!"

"You need bread," Rumple disagreed. "My papa used to eat hot peppers an' he always said bread or milk helped cut the heat."

Henry went and stuffed a piece of bread in his mouth and then drank a glass of milk. "Better!"

"I won! I won!" Killian cheered.

"You're proud of that?" Belle frowned.

"Yup! You're a girl, you don't get it," the little buccaneer answered.

"Hey! I'm not dumb!" Belle flared.

"I'm a guy and I wouldn't do that," Rumple objected.

"That's cuz you're a fusspot," Killian snapped.

"Don't be a jerk!" Rumple gave him a Dark One glare.

"Guys, enough!" Henry wheezed. "Now let's play Candy Land."

"Whadda we get if we win?" asked Killian.

"Candy. Duh!" Regina rolled her eyes.

Henry giggled. He loved how the toddlers could be so literal at times.

"I wanna Reeses!" Rumple said.

"I want a Hershey bar with almonds," said Hook.

"I want a Snickers," Regina informed them.

"I want an Almond Joy," Belle said calmly.

"And I'll just watch . . ." Henry said.

Five minutes later all four toddlers were engaged in a cutthroat game of Candy Land.

Henry had never thought that possible . . . until he watched his adopted mother, grandpa, a one-handed pirate, and a librarian play the game.

"Aww! Why do I have to go to the stupid Candy Cane Forest!" Regina moaned.

"It's better than being stuck on the licorice space and having to lose a turn!" Killian groused. "How come _you_ never get one of those, Rumple? You cheating?"

"Bite me, Jones! You can't cheat . . .it's all luck of the draw!" pointed out the pawnbroker.

"Yeah, just cause Rumple hasn't gotten a bad card yet doesn't mean he's cheating," Belle defended. She moved her blue gingerbread piece ahead to a yellow space.

"Then what's with me n' Killian getting' all the cards with bad things?" Regina grumped.

"Bad luck," Henry sympathized.

Rumple drew a card. "Yes! I get to go to Gumdrop Mountain!" he waved the picture of it around.

"And take the shortcut!" Killian groaned. "That sucks!"

"For you!" Rumple returned, and moved his yellow piece to it and took the shortcut, putting him ahead of the rest of them on the board.

"Lemme see that card!" barked Regina.

Rumple handed it to her. "Read it n' weep, dearie."

Regina scowled. "It's my party an' I'll cry if I want to. Stupid game!" She threw the card down angrily.

"Don't be a sore loser," Belle scolded.

"Easy for _you_ to say!" Regina snorted. "You ain't losin'!"

"Hey! It ain't over till the fat lady sings," Henry reminded them.

"Yeah!" Killian agreed. "An' Granny ain't here."

"Oohh! I'm telling! You called Granny fat!" Belle pointed at him.

"Did not! Henry did!" Killian cried.

"Liar liar pants on fire," Rumple chanted. "Now tell the truth, dearie, an' shame the devil."

"You shut up, Rumplestiltskin!" Killian shouted. "You an' your girl witched the cards so's you could win."

"Did not!" Rumple clenched his fists.

"You callin' me a liar?"

"Yeah. Everyday and twice on Sundays, dearie! I don't need to use magic to win."

"Killian, stop," Henry ordered. "It's a game, and it's not even over yet. You're supposed to have fun."

"But it's only fun when you win," the little pirate huffed.

"Yeah an' we're losing," Regina sniffed. "It ain't fair!"

"Neither's life. Now deal with it," Belle declared. She moved her piece ahead to a red square.

"Kiss my butt!" Regina snapped sassily. She drew a card. "Yay! I got Princess Frostine!" She moved her piece.

"Whoo hoo!" clapped Killian.

"Hip hip hooray!" Rumple said sarcastically. "Now quit your grousing, dearie, and play!"

"Grrr!" growled the small queen. "One of these days, Rumplestiltskin . . . pow! Right in the kisser!"

"You an' what army, babydoll?" he sneered.

"You wanna knuckle sandwich?" she demanded.

"You wanna slug surprise?" he cracked his knuckles.

"You wanna get ten minutes in the corner?" Belle demanded.

"NO!" both small magicians said.

"Then quit acting like jerk-offs and just play the game!" she ordered irritably.

"I got a blue square!" Killian cheered. "Now I'm cookin' with gas!"

"Better than passing it," Rumple remarked wickedly.

Henry cracked up.

So far it was Rumple in the lead, then Belle, Regina, and Killian.

Belle picked a card. "Yay! A red square." She was now five spaces from the end of the board.

Rumple went. "Ohh! A purple square!" He was now three spaces from the end.

"I gots a blue one!" Regina squealed and moved her red piece up a whole part of the track.

"I got a licorice hole!" Hook scowled. "This game bites the big one!"

"Hey, you win some, you lose some," Rumple said philosophically.

"Spoken like a lawyer!" Killian sneered.

"Aww, don't be a party pooper," Regina spoke up then, as she pulled another good card and moved ahead of Belle.

"Look who's talking!" Killian muttered.

Regina went red.

"Be nice!" Belle shook her finger at him.

"Who do you think you are—Miss Goody Two Shoes?"

Belle glared at him. "Of course I gots two shoes, you imbecile! Who'd wear one anyway? And I'd rather be good than be a sourpuss!"

"You tell 'im, dearie!" Rumple cheered. Then he pulled another card . . . and got a purple one again. He moved his gingerbread boy ahead to the rainbow square . . . and won the game.

Belle began to sing "We Are the Champions."

Regina moved and came in second. "All right!"

Hook crossed his arms and pouted. "This game was rigged."

"Spoilsport!" Regina said.

"Hey. You can't win them all," Henry said. "Besides, you beat me in the other contest."

"Yeah, at least you won something," Belle pointed out.

"And win or lose, it's how you play the game," Henry reminded them.

"What's that mean?" grumbled Hook.

"It means you be a good sport whether or not you win," lectured his brother. "Because otherwise nobody will want to play with you."

"They won't?"

"No, because nobody likes bein' called a cheater," Rumple growled. "Specially when it's not true!"

"I think you ought to tell Rumple you're sorry," Henry told Killian.

Hook sighed. "Okay . . . sorry, Rumple."

"S'all right. It's just a game, dearie."

"You gonna kiss and make up?" Regina teased.

"Nope. He's my friend, not my boyfriend!" Killian objected.

Rumple raised his eyebrows. "Sorry, dearie. I don't swing both ways."

Henry nearly fell on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Good thing!" Belle declared. "Cause I'm not sharing you, Rumple!"

"Yeah, cuz it's illegal to have two wives," Regina said.

"That's not happening," Rumple assured them.

"Two wives?" Killian repeated. "Who does that?"

"Sultans in the olden days usta have harems," Regina reported.

"Cool! I think I wanna harem," Killian said dreamily.

"If you wanna harem, then you'd better get Viagra," Rumple told him.

"What's that?" asked Belle.

"Drugs for men," Regina answered.

"I don't wanna take drugs!" Killian protested.

"Then don't have a harem," was Rumple's answer.

Henry nearly busted a gut laughing.

"Okay . . . let's clean up. It's time for bed," he said after he caught his breath.

The four groaned, but then he said if they didn't clean up there'd be no bedtime story.

The game was cleaned up in an eyeblink.

Henry made sure all of them went potty before tucking them in and reading to them from a book called Guess How Much I Love You?

He'd gotten to page five when all the kids conked out.

Then he tucked the book aside and went to read his own, still chuckling. He couldn't wait to see his parents' expressions when he told them what had gone on. He just knew it would be priceless.

**A/N: This chapter's dedicated to my mom, whose birthday would have been today, had she not passed away two years ago. She bought me my first game of Candy Land. Thanks everyone who has reviewed and followed and favorited this. Please continue to do so!**


	37. Secret Code Words and Handshakes

**37**

**Secret Code Words and Handshakes**

After the meeting Melanie returned home. Nova and Leroy were watching Sapphira, who was still getting over the flu herself. She fell ill the day after the Gold children and her symptoms were much worse than those the other children experienced.

She remembered some of the remedies her own parents used when she was will and used them to take care of her daughter. She expected some kind of opposition but Sapphira was simply too ill to put up any. She wanted to feel relieved and didn't. Like any mother, seeing her child ill was painful. She kept in constant contact with Dr Whale and Emma, seeking advice on modern remedies for Sapphira's illness as well as those from her childhood.

"How did the meeting go?" Nova asked her.

"Very well. Emma brought up some very good points and though I am new to this world's technology, she explained its dangers in a way I could comprehend and I want to make certain Sapphira's exposure to these video games and other items that promote violence is limited. How is Sapphira?"

"She just went back to sleep an hour ago. She did ask when you were coming home."

Melanie smiled. "I'll see her now. And that you for doing this. I appreciate it."

Nova smiled. "Anytime. You're doing a good job, Mal. I know she's not the easiest person to get along with but I'm starting to see some changes for the better."

"Yeah, let's hope she stays that way."

"Leroy!"

"What? You know as well as I do that girl's not gonna change her spots overnight."

"Yes, I know but don't harp on it."

Melanie bid them a good night and checked on her daughter. Sapphira awoke hearing the bedroom door close. Melanie pulled up a chair beside her daughter's bed and felt her forehead, thankful there was no fever. "How are you feeling, Sapphira?"

"M'still tired. What was that meeting you had to go to?"

"It had to do with video games...and television and movies...how they have things in them that are inappropriate for you."

"Yeah. I know."

"Then you should also know that I will be monitoring your viewing habits Sapphira." The little girl scowled. "Now don't be difficult about this."

"So who was watching that stuff that got the whole town fired up? Probably the Dark One."

Melanie sighed. "Sapphira..."

"Well? Am I right?"

"Yes, you are but he and Killian realized what they were seeing was inappropriate and won't be viewing it any longer. Nor will you. There is far too much violence in this world as it is and I won't have it be a part of your life with me."

"I hate being in bed," Sapphira pouted.

"I know dear but tomorrow you should be well enough to get up but you won't be going outside until I'm certain you're over the worst of this flu. Did the tea I gave you help with your throat?"

"Yeah...least now I don't sound like I sucked on a vacuum hose."

They both laughed. Melanie sat with her daughter for another two hours and returned to her own room to sleep after Sapphira was already asleep again.

Until they served out the days of their punishment, the only glimpses the Gold children had of their new clubhouse were from a distance, all of them eager to go inside and start making plans for their biggest adventure yet: finding Merlin and Neal's papa. The last thing that had to be done inside was putting the bunk beds together. Thankfully the children weren't around to hear the cursing going on while that was being done or they would have needed to buy a truckload of Ivory for Neal and David. Emma also wanted to use the swear jar system to save up some money, not that they needed it with Rumple's fortune at their fingertips, but the sheriff always wanted to keep some extra cash around for a rainy day.

The children were too excited to sleep knowing the next day they would finally by able to go into their clubhouse. Even the adults were excited. It was a project built with love and seeing the joy on the little tykes faces was all they needed to feel that all the hours of hard work they'd put into building it were worth it. And being woken up at the crack of dawn the day of the grand opening was even worth it.

Both of them remembered being too excited to sleep the night before an important event, especially Christmas. In the back of his mind Neal wanted to experience one Christmas with his father as a little boy again. He had no doubt his father's childhood memories of that holiday were no better than any other memories of his childhood thanks to the father from Hell.

"Lookit, guys...almost the whole town's here!" Regina pointed to the large crowd standing outside the fence

Rumple stared at them. "How come, Bae? Why do they wanna see our clubhouse?" He pressed closer to his son, uneasy and not liking being watched.

"Because a lot of them helped build it for you guys and they want to see how you like it."

Kilian on the other hand, loved the attention and was waving back, especially to the females making Regina and Belle roll their eyes.

"C'mon, Rumple! Let's go see it!"

Belle pulled Rumple by the hand across the lawn.

A sign hung beside the front door reading: PROPERTY OF THE NEVENGERS. KEEP OUT UNLESS YOU KNOW THE SECRET CODE WORD AND TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED.

Killian read slowly, but when he came to the last word he asked, "Rumple, what's pro-se-cut-ed mean?"

"Wow, that was a really long word but you read it good!" Rumple said proudly.

Killian smiled. "That's cuz you're a good teacher! Now what's it mean?"

"It's when Emma arrests you and takes you to jail. Then you gotta go to court n stuff."

"So's if anybody comes in the clubhouse that's not s'post to, they can be arrested?" Killian clarified.

"Yep!"

"Yup An' we can sue their butts off too!" Belle said. "Right, Rumple?"

"Uh-huh...and if I was our lawyer, I'd take em to the cleaners for sure."

"Good!" Regina said, and she gave him a high-five. "We gotta invent a secret code word. An'a secret handshake."

"And it's gotta be somethin' hard to guess too," Belle added.

"How 'bout...meatball?" Killian was grinning.

Rumple rolled his eyes."He's on that zombie stuff again!"

"Belle, you're good with words." Regina said. "So you n'Rumple come up with a password. An' make it like you say one word and we gotta say another to answer you. Like in the spy movies."

"Ooooh...okay. We can do that."

"An' we can work on the handshake," said Killian. "Now let's go inside."

Rumple paused before doing so, saying, "I like the color on it."

"Yeah...better 'n the one on the house," Regina muttered.

Rumple frowned. "You hush up about our house! It's a classic color. Least it's not pee yellow."

"Ewww, who'd want a pee yellow house!"

"I saw one once . . .on TV. And it was UGLY," the pawnbroker declared.

"Yeah I bet."

They opened the door and went inside.

"Oooh...they put my Disney evil girls on the wall 'side my bed!" Regina was grinning from ear to ear.

"An' my Cap'n Jack Sparrow ones!" Killian cheered.

"Oh, Rumple look...Beauty and the Beast...and the rose..." Belle said dreamily.

"Cool! And look-there's Merlin casting a spell!" Rumple pointed.

"Cool, mate!"

They even had bedspreads and pillowcases to match the decor on their walls that had been created by Emma.

Then Belle saw a large white board on one side of the door. "Look! The Nevenger's motto!" she cried. Under it was written Nevengers Rules: and then there was a blank space. A dry erase marker was hanging beside it.

Regina jumped on her bed. "Yes! This bed's perfect for bouncing!"

"I could nap here all the time," Killian crawled onto his and pretended to sleep.

Rumple examined his bedspread. "These were sewn really well." Then he pretended to curl up on it. He saw there was a small hook on a bedpost and he hung his cane on it.

Belle hugged her rose pillow to her. "Pretty!"

There were three windows one on each side and they were made of durable special glass that wouldn't shatter-even if a baseball happened to hit one.

To open them, you simply pushed the bottom panel up and a screen protected the house from insects.

The floor was a lovely golden oak sanded to a silky smooth finish and then coated so the wood didn't warp or get termites.

A small mini fridge was in the corner, and on top of it were paper plates and cups and napkins. And also a container of antibacterial wipes so Rumple could clean.

Rumple spotted them and took some and went and wiped down the new table.

"Oh, here we go again!" Killian groaned. "Mate, what are you doin'?"

"Cleaning," Rumple answered.

"It's a new table!"

"Yeah s'not dirty!"Regina shook her head.

"There's dust on it," Rumple said. "But now it's good."

"Mate, if you ever get you own house when you're big, I bet you could eat off the floor!"

"Even I won't do that!" Regina declared. "Don't care how clean it is!"

"Oh, cool your jets! It's a 'spression!" Killian rolled his eyes.

Then he ran to the fridge. "Let's see what's in here!"

Belle, who was reorganizing the books on the small shelf beside her bed got up to see what the others were doing.

Killian opened the fridge. Inside were flavored waters and juice boxes and iced tea. There were also cheese sticks, carrot sticks, and some dip.

Belle took out one of the iced teas. Her throat still felt a little dry.

Regina grabbed a box of apple juice she knew had been put in there just for her.

Rumple took some iced tea also.

Killian took a grape flavored water and a cheese stick. They all sat down at the kid sized table with their snacks.

Outside, the adults were filling up their phones' memory taking pictures.

"Now we gots to have rules on there," Rumple pointed to the white board. "I'll write 'em." He went and picked up the marker.

"Rule number 1: No fighting," Belle said.

"Rule number 2: No potty mouth or you get the Ivory," Rumple recited.

"Rule number 3: What happens in the clubhouse stays in the clubhouse," Regina said.

"Rule number 4: Share and share alike," Killian said.

"Rule number 5: Only good magic allowed," Rumple added.

"Rule number 6: You mess it up you clean it up," Belle said knowing that would probably have to be one of the rules anyway.

Rumple nodded. "Right, dearie. Cause I'm nobody's maid." Then he said, "Rule number 7: Respect each other."

"How about this one?" Killian said. "Rule number 8: Nobody's allowed in less you know the secret code word."

"Rule number 9: Guests welcome-so long as they follow the rules," Regina said.

"Rule number 10: No evil people allowed," Rumple said.

"Yeah like the Blue Buttmuncher til Melanie straightens her out!" Regina said.

They all nodded.

"Rule number 11: If you finish somethin', like a drink or snack, replace it." Killian told them.

"Or tell Bae or Emma so's they can buy more," Rumple said.

"Rule number 12: Go on awesome quests an' help people," Belle stated.

"We're runnin outta room!"

"Okay, dearie. Rule number 13: Any and all rules can be changed or revised." Rumple lowered the marker. "Done."

"Okay, now we gotta do the password. You two think of anything yet."

"Umm . . .Rumple, you think of anything?" Belle asked him.

"How's about somethin' in another language?" Rumple said.

"Like what?" asked Regina.

"Like in Italian, you could say _chi sei_? It means who are you?" Rumple said. "Then you could answer _amici_ that means friends."

"Or you could do it the other way round," he explained. "Like the person knocks and says "Amici" and the person inside says "Capice", means I understand."

"How you know all that, Rumple?" asked Regina.

"Yeah, mate. How you know?"

"Bae was watchin' some movie with this guy and girl an' he was teachin' her Italian," answered the little imp.

"I like how it sounds," Belle said softly.

"Me too," Rumple said. "_Bella_-that's your name. Means beautiful. _Faccia bella_-a beautiful face." He smirked. "The guy in the movie said that to the girl."

Killian blew a raspberry.

"I want a guy to say that me," said Regina.

"Well don't hold your breath waiting 'cause I'll never say it to ya!"

"Didn't ask ya to, Hookie...now if ROBIN HOOD... or some other guy did..."

"Yeah well Robin Hood's too old an you're jailbait to him."

Overhearing that conversation through the window outside, Emma nearly dropped her phone.

"J...J...Jailbait?" she almost choked. "Where in the hell does that pirate learn...never mind...I'm too terrified of the answer to ask..."

"Yeah, I don't think we wanna know," Neal said.

"Oh God...I can just see the fathers lining up with shotguns..."

"Relax. If we can get Papa's curse broken, then you can brew that potion and they can all go back to adults again," Neal said. "IF that's possible."

"And if it's not...you'll be the one holding the shotgun on every man who comes to date Regina."

"Yeah well, I won't be the only one. Henry will probably have one too . . .and Rumple will threaten to change any boy who looks at her wrong into a snail or something. And Killian will threaten to take them for a long walk off a short pier."

Emma laughed. "She'll be the most protected girl in Storybrooke along with Belle."

"You can say that again," Neal looked amused. "Thank God I wasn't born a girl. Papa would've locked me a tower."

"Dad would've locked me in one too or probably beheaded a few guys."

"We'd have had a slug festival or something. Or a stone garden of statues. First Suitor, Second Suitor . . ."

"You're killing me here!"

"But I bet if I were a girl I'd have gotten away with a lot more trouble," Neal smirked. "In case you haven't noticed . . .he's marshmallow fluff with little girls."

"Yeah but if you tried his patience one too many times you'd still end up with a sore butt."

"Probably. Because that's how I'd be with mine," Neal acknowledged.

"Hey Emma, where's Henry!" Regina shouted.

Emma jumped. "Uh . . . I'll go wake him up," she said, for he was still asleep.

"Yeah cause we got bizness to discuss...Nevenger biznes!"

"And when Don Regina speaks, you listen!" Neal said.

"That's right." She answered."And don'cha forget it."

She pulled the window shut.

"Oh brother!" groaned Rumple.

"Well," Neal shook his head, laughing. He and some friends in the Enchanted Forest had themselves a little hideaway of their own and had secret meetings that drove his father crazy. Especially when he skived off to meet them leaving his chores half-finished. Looks like I'm getting my payback now...again.

He could already see himself chasing his small father everywhere trying to find out what he and his cohorts were up to. And at least he had two good legs to do it with!

Emma brought a still half-asleep Henry out to the clubhouse.

"You're being summoned by the queen," she quipped.

"Oh boy!" he yawned. "I didn't even eat breakfast." He opened the door and came in. "Hey, guys!"

Regina ran and hugged him. "Lookit! Isn't our clubhouse neat?"

Henry grinned. "Yeah. I helped with some of it. See?" he showed her one thumb, which was bruised from hitting it with a hammer.

She kissed his thumb and used her magic to heal him.

"One of our rules...only good magic here."

"Yeah an' you gotta read 'em all." Rumple informed him

"Okay, I will," Henry promised. He sat down at the table.

"Kay guys...first order of bizness...password an' handshake."

"You and Killian and Henry come up with the handshake," Belle reminded them."An nothin really goofy neither!"

Rumple looked at her. "So . . .how about what I said before?"

"Yeah...we can do that," Regina said.

"We can change it every month, just in case," the small lawyer said.

"Now that'd get confusing!"

"If we have to," he amended.

Henry was trying to come up with something cool for the handshake, but all he could think of were some hand signs used by rappers and stuff . . . NOT what he knew his parents would approve of, and they'd recognize the gestures.

"I don't know, guys. I'm stumped."

"What if we do a high-five thing?" suggested Killian.

"Nah. Too easy." Regina said.

"Everybody does that," Belle added.

Now all eyes were on Rumple.

"C'mon Rumple you always have good ideas," belle pleaded.

While he was thinking a strange image popped in his head. He could see an odd looking man who had gold-grey skin and dressed in leather making a hand gesture while he talked to someone.

Instinctively he repeated the gesture.

"What was that? That was neat?" Killian asked.

"I dunno...I just saw somebody in my head doin it."

But Henry knew exactly what it was. It was all part of his quirks as the Dark One."That's really good, Rumple. Let's see you do it again."

Rumple repeated the gesture, his little hand flourishing like a certain golden-skinned imp.

"Now you try," he invited his friends.

Belle went first, repeating the gesture perfectly.

"Very good!" Rumple clapped. "It's almost like you've seen it before."

"Ummm...now that you mention it...it feels like I have."

"Me too," Regina said. When it was her turn, she did it perfectly on her first try.

Rumple scratched his head. Maybe they had known the golden man too?

It took Killian a bit longer to master it, but eventually he got it, as did Henry.

"Okay now we gots the handshake an a password...now we gotta talk 'bout how we find Neal's papa," Belle said. "And Merlin so Rumple can get rid of that curse."

"Yeah, well, if we find Merlin he can help me. I hope," the little imp said worriedly.

"Hey you think we oughta take notes like in a real meeting?" Regna asked.

"Yeah, so's we're organized," Belle agreed.

"You wanna do it. You write nicer."

"Henry can too...an his is probably nicer n'mine."

"Sure I can," he took a piece of paper and a pen from where they rested on a little shelf.

"Kay...now we gotta go back to the 'Chanted Forest to find Merlin and Neal's papa..." Rumple began.

Henry bit his lip. If only they knew! "Uh . . . do any of you know WHERE my dad lost his . . .err . . .papa?"

Three of them shook their heads.

"Don't you?" Regina asked him. "He prolly tole ya."

"Uh . . . he really doesn't like to talk about that time. It makes him sad," Henry said, because he wasn't sure how much he ought to tell them.

"I know! We can 'chant something to find him!" Rumple exclaimed.

"Uh . . . maybe we'd better wait," Henry said. "You know . . . like till we're there." Oh man, he thought. He does that and the spell will point to HIM! Then what?

"Kay...we'll wait..."

Henry breathed a sigh of relief. "Maybe Merlin knows how to find him."

"But how do we find Merlin?" asked Belle.

"What do the stories say, Henry?" asked Regina. "In the fairy tale book?"

"We could read some tonight," the older boy suggested. "For now, why don't you play in the clubhouse?"

"What you gonna do then?"

"Uh . . . I can play some ball with you for awhile . . . and then I can look up the legends of Merlin. Maybe I can find something there."

"Okay."

"But first I need to eat breakfast," he said. "I'm gonna grab some cereal. I think we have Lucky Charms."

"They're magically delicious!" sang Rumple.

"Should eat your Wheaties cause we're gonna kick your butt at ball," Killian challenged.

Henry snorted. "Yeah right, Mr. Jones!"

They played three games of kickball that lasted until the afternoon when Emma called them all inside for lunch.

This time she made them grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

"Mmm! I love grilled cheese!" Rumple said, taking a large bite of his.

"It's good then?" Emma asked hopefully.

He nodded. "It's delicious!" He waved his spoon at the soup. "An' so's this!"

"Did you make it yourself, Mom?" asked Henry.

"Yes."

"You cook better than the cook on my papa's ship," Hook said. "Lots better! He'd a burnt this." He indicated his sandwich, which he was holding in his prosthetic hand.

"Ummm...well...I did...have few failures..."

She looked in the trash at the three sandwiches she'd burned the first time until she adjusted the heat properly.

"Hey, we all do," Neal said. "Uh . . . one time I tried to cook breakfast for my papa and me when I was ten . . .I burnt the oatmeal to the bottom of the pot because I forgot to turn the heat down on the stove . . .and it took me forever to scrub it clean. We ended up eating toast that day."

"Ewww. Burnt oatmeal is gross," Rumple scowled.

Neal laughed. "Yeah. And it smells gross too." He recalled the same expression on his father's face then as now.

"Our cook burnt it too and he ruined a bunch of pans when he did it. Then papa tole him he needed to walk the plank."

"Your cook sounded like a real dummy," Belle said.

"He was," Killian nodded.

"How come your papa kept him?" asked Regina. "My mama would've gotten rid of him long time ago."

"No one else could cook on the ship...they tried..even my mama...made the whole ship sick." Killian recalled. "An' we were out at sea so long we didn't get a chance to get a new one til we were in port a long time."

"Your mama went with your papa on his 'ventures?" asked Belle curiously.

"All the time...an' she was as good a pirate too when she wanted to be. All she had ta do was show 'em the goods and they gave her what she wanted."

Emma nearly dropped the glass she was holding.

Neal spit out his soup.

"Ummm..what goods?" Regina asked.

"Boobies!" Killian bragged before his parents could stop him.

Henry almost choked on his sandwich.

Rumple gaped at him. "Ya mean . . . she showed herself to . . . umm . . .men . . .like those naked girls in my papa's magazines?"

"Uh huh."

Rumple whistled. "My papa said women were only good for two things and one of 'em I can't say."

"Yeah well he's wrong!" Belle said angrily.

"Never said he wasn't," Rumple agreed.

"Okay, that's enough kids," Emma said sternly

"Yeah, we don't discuss . . .a lady's . .err . . . private parts . . .it's rude. Or a man's either," Neal said once he had gotten over his coughing fit.

"Sorry," Killian lowered his head

"Just remember that next time," Neal reprimanded softly.

"I will." Sometimes he hated knowing so much but it was difficult not to being raised by pirates. Like Rumple's papa, they had not cared about sparing his sensibilities even at a young age. Now that they were away from all the negative influences in their lives, things could be different.

After lunch, they were sleepy, and asked if they could take a nap in the clubhouse.

"Go on...that's why we put the beds in. We'll wake you up later, okay?"

Smiling, the Nevengers raced outside, ready to put their house to good use.

**A/N: In case you didn't know, I've written a small one shot for this verse called A Little Culinary Mishap, you might want to check it out! I've also written a new story featuring Rumbelle and family called Return From Neverland for those of you who like AU S3 fics.**


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